Chapter Forty
"Jake…Jake, please, this is insane."
"I know."
The desolation in Jake's hollow defeated tone sent a chill down Neal's spine and turned his already painful stomach. This wasn't one of Jake's usual violent mood swings, he had been fragile before but something had happened over the past few hours that had truly broken him. Still pinned against the wall by Jake's aggressive embrace Neal's mind raced for something he could say to ease Jake's pain enough to pull him back up over the edge that he'd slipped off of. Savoring a moment of human contact Jake wasn't really hurting him, but the subtle quivering of his muscles warned Neal that he was quickly building up to it. Jake shifted his weight slightly causing him to jerk slightly and growl in what sounded like pain. His black shirt kept Neal from seeing any evidence of his recent rebranding, but his pale sweaty skin betrayed that something was off.
"Jake, you don't want to hurt me." Neal said softly. "You've never wanted to hurt anyone."
"I'd hate myself less if that was true," Jake whimpered "but the truth is I do enjoy it…or at least I used to."
"Peter and I have changed that, haven't we?"
"Yes..."
Neal had thought that he might actually be getting through to Jake, but the sorrow and pain in Jake's one word answer was almost as crushing as his body weight. Neal wasn't sure if it was him and Peter showing Jake something he felt he'd never have by displaying their loyalty to one another that was upsetting him or if it was Jake suddenly coming to regret all the pain and death he'd caused in the past now that he had finally met someone who had soured his taste for it. Whatever it was Jake didn't want to talk about it any more. Having been all but paralyzed against the wall Neal was slow to react when Jake jerked him away from it and spun him around. Quickly capturing Neal's wrists and pulling them behind his back Jake forced Neal towards the nearby archway that lead to a short hall just like in the room that he shared with Peter. With Jake driving him forward it was difficult to maintain his balance let alone find a way to twist out of Jake's powerful grip.
It wasn't until Neal was already several steps into the large bathroom that he realized exactly why Jake had taken him from the front room. Unlike the plain shower in his own room Jake also had a large white metal bathtub which he had already filled with water to the point of overflowing. For Neal the fact that Jake had premeditated this whole thing suddenly made the once surreal idea that he was about to be murdered very real. Momentarily overwhelmed by the cruel fate Jake had chosen for him Neal's knees buckled under him. Jake instinctively pulled Neal back into balance to keep him from falling which allowed Neal to pitch back and push into Jake to try and prevent him from forcing him any closer to the deadly bath. Jake cried out in pain as Neal jerked back against his chest and for the time being Neal kept Jake from forcing him forward.
"Jake! Jake, no! Please, please don't do this!" Neal begged desperately as he dug his heels into the floor as best he could. "You can't drown me!"
"It's the cleanest and least painful death I can offer you." Jake said seriously. "It won't take long."
Although technically a relatively quick death there was a primal terror that went along with being held under water that made Neal's throat close in on itself just at the thought. Choking on his own panic Neal let out a strangled cry as Jake gave up on trying to force him to step forward and just wrapped his arms around his waist and lifted him up off the floor. Kicking wildly in the air Neal tried to pry Jake's arms off his waist with no success, being held from behind there was little he could do to inflict enough pain on Jake to make him let him go. Being carried over to the tub Neal threw his head back and cried out at the top of his lungs in anguish partly out of hope that it would make Jake have a change of heart, partly in desperation that Peter might somehow hear him, but mostly from sheer terror at what was most likely the beginning of a violent end.
"I'm sorry for this, Neal." Jake said sounding genuine.
Neal didn't have the concentration to waste on pointing out to Jake that he wouldn't need to apologize if he just let him go as he fought to get a foothold on the slippery edge of the tub. Neal could feel Jake's terrifying determination to see this through now that his diseased mind had convinced him that this was what was best for everyone. Ignoring Neal's protests Jake quickly discovered that although having Neal around the waist was a good way to carry him it made it difficult for him to actually get Neal into the water. As Neal fought bitterly for freedom he noticed that Jake was being oddly gentle as he tried to problem solve how to put his captive down without letting him escape. Neal just hoped that Jake's odd brand of mercy lasted long enough for him to twist out of his grip before Jake decided to make things easier by just squeezing him hard enough to break some ribs.
Getting one foot planted on the edge of the tub Neal pushed with all his strength to shove Jake back and hopefully throw him off balance. Like before Jake growled in pain but this time it gave him a push of strength as his temper suddenly flared. Neal yelped as his foot slipped and plunged into the cold water when Jake shoved him forward with what felt like an inhuman amount of force. With one leg already in the tub it was easy for Jake to take Neal down. Slipping on the smooth bottom of the tub Neal drew as deep a breath as he could before slamming back first through the surface of the water with a noisy splash that sloshed a quarter of the water out of the tub and onto the floor.
Once under the water Neal found himself surprisingly calm. As a strong swimmer he was not only comfortable in the water but also had a good idea of just how long he could hold his breath. Thrashing at the water with enough force to foam the surface Neal proved far more difficult for Jake to hold under that he had probably expected. Although struggling to keep up with his body's oxygen needs Neal managed a few shallow gasps at the surface as Jake tried to pin him down. Starting to lose the advantage over Jake Neal took one last good breath before changing tactics. Instinct told Neal to stay on his back to keep his face closer to the surface, however logic reminded him that pushing off the bottom with his hands and knees would be a more effective way to actually get out of the water. The problem was finding a way to flip over.
Also looking to change tactics Jake tangled his hand into Neal's hair and used the purchase to effectively hold his head back under the surface in a grip that Neal had trouble breaking free from. Neal shook his head to try to dislodge Jake's hold but Jake just gripped down tighter to stop him. With his lungs starting to burn Neal made one last attempt to twist free. Not really wanting to see Neal's fearful expression anyway Jake actually helped Neal roll over so that his palms were against the bottom of the tub while making sure to keep him under. Starving for air at this point Neal pushed up violently with as much power as his adrenaline soaked muscles would supply. Neal broke the surface with a painful gasp as he filled his lungs with fresh air. Although he had inhaled some stray water he couldn't afford to go into a coughing fit as Jake grabbed the back of his neck and tried to force him back under again. Unable to get his legs under himself Neal has to settle for arching his back and locking his elbows to keep his face just above the water. Panting heavily Neal stared down into the the agitated water that was stained pink with blood from older battle wounds that Jake was reopening. Wailing in panic Neal didn't fight the tears that rolled down his already wet face. Feeling the strain of maintaining the vulnerable position he knew that it was only a matter of time before Jake won out again and shoved him under.
"Jake this isn't going to help you!" Neal cried between gulps of air. "Peter couldn't kill Sawyer, what makes you think he'll be able to kill you?!"
"He wasn't psychotic when he went after Sawyer, he will be after this. He'll tear me apart in blind rage."
"He's half dead already! You're just going to end up killing us both and then you'll be alone again!"
For a split second Neal thought he might have actually gotten through to Jake as he eased the pressure on the back of his neck. Trembling violently with the effort it was taking to stay up on his hands Neal wasn't sure how much physical fight he had left in him as his hand slipped and he barely managed to catch himself half an inch above the water. Any thoughts Jake had of aborting his plans to continue on his murderous path were erased when he saw just how close he was to succeeding. Caught by surprise Neal wasn't able to keep himself from crying out when Jake suddenly changed the direction of the force he was applying and used his grip on the back of Neal's neck to slam his temple against the far side of the tub. He already had a gash there from a previous ring fight and Jake reopened the wound with a splatter of bright red.
Knocked somewhat senseless by the blow Neal was helpless to stop Jake from shoving him back under and pinning him to the bottom. Already breathless from his cry of pain Neal panicked as his lungs almost instantly demanded that he inhale. Grinding his teeth together to keep instinct from trying to draw water into his lungs Neal fought to push himself back up to no effect. Lacking the brute strength this time to win Neal fell back on trying one last desperate con. With the primitive part of his brain screaming at him to keep fighting Neal had to pour all of his will power into relaxing completely instead as he feigned passing out. Neal was worried that his terrified shaking was going to give him away but there was nothing he could do about it as he decided to use what might be his last seconds hoping that despite their 'together or not at all' pact that Peter managed to somehow managed to survive long enough to be rescued or escape.
Jake wasn't fooled at first but committed to the lie Neal held as still as possible. Even with the edge of his consciousness starting to slip away Neal was no closer to accepting the fact that he might actually die in the Labyrinth than when he'd first been branded. Unfortunately he did understand that accepting death was in no way a prerequisite for it. The fire in Neal's chest from lack of oxygen was just starting to frighteningly subside when Jake suddenly jerked his hands way and released his hold.
Without any time to spare Neal shoved violently upwards. Gasping and coughing as he filled his lungs with what felt like equal amounts of air and water Neal scrambled to try and get out of the tub before Jake could torture him further by starting over. Kicking against the slick bottom of the tub did nothing to help him gain traction. Clutching to the edge of the tub with enough force to lance pain up through his hands Neal weld his eye shut and screamed as Jake put his hands on his shoulders.
"Peter!" Neal cried desperately. "Peter! Help me! Please!"
"Neal, I…"
Hearing Jake's voice turned Neal's panic into rage as he thought he found the strength he needed to climb out of the tub not realizing that he'd only managed it with Jake's help. Collapsing to the soaked floor Neal spat out a large amount of blood having had bitten his tongue during the struggle. Gasping for breath Neal ended up filling his stomach with air as well leading to a fit of dry heaving that compromised his ability to get breath into his lungs as his diaphragm spasmed. His treasonous long hair plastered against his face making it difficult to see and get oriented but that didn't stop him from trying to get up.
Jake was saying something that Neal didn't bother to try and understand as he focused on just getting away from his tormentor. His oxygen starved muscles were hard to control and he barely managed to get to his hands and knees through the shaking. With every breath he was getting some strength and coordination back but not nearly quickly enough to rally an escape. Frustrated with how slowly he was recovering and fearful that Jake was just going to haul him back into the suffocating liquid Neal tried to call out for help again but just ended up wailing incoherently.
Still unable to get to his feet and with his mind reeling from the botched murder Neal was getting to a point where he was starting to wish that Jake would make good on his promise to make this quick. However, when he felt Jake's hands on him again he reared up to fight back. Throwing his elbow back he jabbed Jake hard in the chest. Roaring like a wounded animal Jake tried to back away but ended up tripping on the edge of the tub. Lashing out to catch himself Jake grabbed a hold of Neal's arm, but his momentum just ended pulling Neal backwards with him. Splashing back into the tub together the two men churned the water like a pair sharks in the mists of a feeding frenzy.
Neal's first instinct was just to do whatever it took to get out of the water, but when he twisted around and found himself on top of Jake's hips he changed mind. Having already tried and failed to escape the life and death battle he felt his only other option for survival was winning it. Sitting heavily on Jake's hips Neal put his palms against Jake's chest and held him down. More than half of the water in the tub was now on the floor but there was still enough to keep Jake under. On his back with one arm pinned between himself and the edge of the tub Jake didn't have the leverage to fight against his victim turned attacker.
Kicking the water up and bucking against Neal in panic Jake wasn't using any particular strategy to free himself and so Neal was able to keep him down. Having cried out before he hit the water Jake had very little oxygen reserve and it didn't take long before his fighting was mostly just convulsive jerking. Sick to his stomach and close to blacking out himself from the stress Neal stared down through the water at the man he was actively drowning. Although the water blurred his vision Jake looked up directly at Neal with the expression of a terrified child. As much as he spoke of wanting death now that he was facing it survival instincts and fear were colliding. With his last shred of strength Jake reached up with his free hand and squeezed Neal's arm gently in a silent plea for mercy.
Pulling his lip up over his teeth like an angry wolf Neal shoved down harder on Jake. Jake's eyes rolled back to white as he arched back in pain from Neal digging into his fresh brand. Unaware of the injury before Neal now caught sight of the blood rising up through his fingers that were pressed over Jake's heart. Determined to finishing this despite the new information of Jake's damning injury Neal tried to block everything out and just hold him down. However as Jake started to fade Neal's mind was working on what Jake had said to him moments ago that he hadn't understood upon first hearing but now echoed clear as a bell in his head.
'I'm not going to hurt you, it's okay, I'm sorry…'
Welding his eyes shut as more tears streaked down his face Neal kept Jake under the water. He didn't want Jake to show remorse for what he'd done, he wanted to be justified in turning the tides. Feeling Jake's grip weaken Neal howled in a clash of conflicting emotions, the most powerful of which was anger at Jake; not for tying to kill him but for putting him the position of having to chose whether or not to take a life himself. Unable to cross the line of murder even if it had been made blurry by the complications of self-defense Neal jerked Jake up out of the water by his shirt. Gasping and coughing Jake didn't try to fight back or even attempt to get Neal off his hips. He just worked on getting his breath back.
Exhausted Neal sat back and did the same while he waited to see if the fight was over. He hoped that Jake had had enough of death, but Neal knew it was still a risk that once he recovered he would attack again. All Neal knew for sure was that holding a frightened man under water until he drowned was one of those acts that he couldn't live with so there was no point in going through with it even if it was to save his own life. Shivering violently as the adrenaline drained from his over taxed system Neal feared he might pass out at any second.
Laboring for breath himself Jake stared at Neal looking genuinely remorseful. With a silent truce established Neal looked around the scene that had become starkly calm. He wasn't even sure where they went from here. As much as he wanted to just return to Peter and try and forget the traumatic near drowning Neal doubted he had the strength to do either. Closing his eyes Neal bowed his head and wondered how he was going to find enough fight in his heart to make it back to Peter let alone through any more of the trials ahead.
"…Neal?"
"Don't talk to me right now, Jake."
"I...uh...I just wanted to thank you." Jake continued anyway.
"I didn't spare you for you, I did it for me." Neal growled. "I'm not a murderer."
"That's not what I wanted to thank you for. I've killed so many men that I never imagined that adding one more could matter."
"Then why did you stop?" Neal whispered hoarsely. "Why didn't you kill me?"
"I thought I had, and in that moment I felt something I haven't felt in longer than I can remember…remorse. I didn't think I had any humanity left in me, thank you for showing me otherwise."
"Does this mean you'll help Peter and I?"
"I'm sorry, Neal, I can't. In fact everything is just going to get worse from now on, I can't shield either of you from any more ring fights or take them on myself."
"Jake…"
"York is losing his faith in me because of you. One more misstep and I won't run the Labyrinth anymore…York will give it to Sawyer."
"Then you can help us."
"How?"
"By not letting that happen."
