Chapter Fifty
Leaning his weight against the sink with his head bowed Neal watched the blood dripping off his cheek mix with the running water and swirl down the drain. Swallowing hard against the sting of bile in the back of his throat he fought to keep from retching as his anxiety escalated. It wasn't the blood that was turning his stomach, he had long since gotten used to the crimson sight. It was the sound of the running water, both in the sink and the near by shower, that was chilling his blood and racing his heart. He had turned the shower on with every intention of stepping under the spray but he'd yet to even try.
Having spent the last ten minutes just staring at the stained water escape down the sink Neal was no closer to even finding the courage to splash it on his face. Memories of Jake's violent aquatic assault mixed with the nightmares he'd been having had created a true phobia of water that was making it difficult to even stay hydrated let alone clean. Needing to wash away the aftermath of his last fight Neal forced his trembling hands under the faucet. Welding his eyes shut he washed his face as quickly as his could.
Panting heavily from stress after brief encounter with the sink Neal pulled his wet hands thought his hair to dry them. Bringing his hands down he looked in dismay at the blood that stained his hands once again. Hesitantly looking up in the mirror Neal's dark hair hide the color of the blood that was congealing in it, but the way it was separating into greasy locks made him look like a cat that hadn't been taking care of itself. Closing his eyes Neal sighed heavily.
Neal had hoped that he could desensitize himself to his new fear by running the shower in the background, but the longer he stood near the cascading liquid the worse it was getting. Stepping over to it he put his hand into the stream and instantly felt his throat closing in. Even without being under the water he felt like he was drowning as panic made it difficult to breathe. Deciding that a true shower could wait another day Neal retrieved one of the towels and after getting the edge of it wet he did his best to clean his skin.
Turning off the water helped alleviate his symptoms, but it was still a fear that he was going to have to eventual face. Feeling like he was being childish and weak for his new disability he hadn't talked to Peter about it. Logically he knew he wasn't going to drown under the spray of a shower, but psychologically he couldn't keep himself from going into full fledged panic at even sound of the water striking the concrete floor.
Giving up for right now Neal returned to the front room. Sitting in the corner Peter was somewhat peacefully allowing Jake to tend to a fresh wound above his left eye. Peter was holding still while Jake applied a few steri-strips to hold the gash closed but he batted Jake's hand away when Jake tried to examine the quickly darkening bruise under his eye that was likely indicative of a broken zygomatic arch. Peter had done well in his fight right up until the last few seconds when his opponent suddenly got in several shots that had left Peter nearly unconscious.
Jake looked up at Neal and furrowed his brow at his disheveled appearance. Peter picked up on Jake's expression instantly and turned his attention to Neal as well. Suddenly finding himself under the pair's scrutiny Neal flashed them a bright smile to try and convince them everything was okay. Clearly not falling for it Peter turned back to Jake and once he had his attention he flicked his eyes towards the door. It took Jake a second but he got the message that Peter wanted to talk to Neal alone.
"I should check the rest of the Labyrinth." Jake announced as he got to his feet as if it was his idea to leave. "The boys tend to be rowdy after a fight night. Although I've convinced everyone I killed Sawyer so keeping order is a little easier at the moment, but I should still make an appearance."
"Stay safe." Peter said sincerely.
"I've made it this long." Jake replied as he opened the door.
For the first time since he laid eyes on Jake Neal wished he wouldn't leave. He wasn't ready to deal with Peter's concern. However Neal had some suspicious of his own about Peter keeping secrets and now was as good a time as any to bring them up. Acting casual Neal took Jake's place and sat down in front of Peter with a well practiced innocent smile. It didn't even occur to him that it had been so long since he'd genuinely smiled for any reason that painting one on now just made him look more guilty.
"Neal.."
"When did you and Jake start nonverbally communicating?" Neal teased with a raised eye brow.
"We managed to come to an understanding while you were sick." Peter shrugged but instantly regretted it as he winced in pain. "Neal…"
"Are you okay?" Neal asked with true concerned and not just looking for a distraction. "Malik got you pretty hard in the ribs right there near the end, did he break them?"
"No." Peter lied unconvincingly. "Neal, we need to talk…"
"Yes we do," Neal interrupted again before Peter could introduce a topic "because if I didn't know any better I'd say you threw that fight."
"I just dropped my guard for a second." Peter said dismissively.
"Exactly." Neal said accusingly.
"Neal…"
"Peter, did you make some sort of deal with York?"
"I did." Peter admitted.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because it wouldn't change anything."
"It would have at least given me a chance to say thank you."
"You would have done the same for me."
"Of course I would, but that's not the point."
"No, the point is that you're distracting me from the elephant in the room." Peter said firmly.
"What are you talking about?" Neal asked feigning ignorance.
"Remember back when this all started when I told you that survival was a game of inches? That it was the little things that were going to keep us alive? We are both on the knife's edge health wise right now."
"Peter…"
"Neal, you have to take a shower."
"I bet that's something you never thought you'd say to me." Neal chuckled as he tried to think of a way out of this conversation.
"Neal, please, this is serious."
"I'm fine." Neal lied. "I've been keeping clean."
"No you haven't." Peter said point blank. "I can smell the blood rotting in your hair."
Neal took a breath to retort but doing so only drew the scent that Peter was complaining about into his senses. He had gotten so used to the general damp and decay of the Labyrinth that it had been easy to convince himself that it wasn't any worse than their new normal. However it was worse, much worse, and it was only a matter of time before it lead to an infection. If he got sick again Peter would end up having to come up with some other way to pay York for medical attention.
"I…I can't." Neal sighed heavily. "I know it sounds stupid, but after what happened I am far more terrified of the water than I am of the ring."
"It's not stupid, Neal, you have PTSD." Peter said sympathetically. "I was giving you some time to work it out on your own, but I'm starting to worry that isn't going to happen."
"It's not." Neal admitted quietly.
"Then let me help you." Peter said.
"Right now?" Neal cringed.
"Right now." Peter affirmed as he leaned forward to get to his feet before rocking back with his breath hissing over his teeth in pain. "First you have to help me up."
"Broken ribs?" Neal asked sympathetically as he got to his feet.
"At least one." Peter confirmed.
"I'm sorry, Peter." Neal apologized as he helped him to his feet.
"It's not your fault."
"You could have defended yourself better if you weren't throwing a fight for me."
"I made the deal for both of us Neal. I was serious when I first said that wouldn't last long down here alone."
"Si vales, valeo." Neal smiled.
"Exactly. Come on, let's put that into action."
Neal nodded even though it knotted his stomach to even agree to step back into the bathroom. Peter walked in and turned on the shower, not caring that the spray was soaking his clothes. Neal tried to follow him but found himself frozen at the doorway. Peter gave him a minute before holding his hands out for Neal to step forward and take. Already panting for breath Neal wasn't sure he could go through with this even with Peter's help. He ground his teeth in frustration at his inability to perform this simple task.
"It's okay, Neal, one step at a time. Just come closer."
"I feel ridiculous, no, worse than that, I'm *angry* that that this frightens me." Neal growled as he walked over and took Peter's hands in his own as though they were about to start a traditional Victorian era dance.
"You can't control an emotional response, but you don't have to let it control you either."
"You sound like a fortune cookie." Neal chuckled.
"It's something the FBI shrink once told me."
"Did it help?"
"Not really, but I thought it was worth a shot with you."
"What were you having an emotional response to?" Neal asked out of sheer curiosity as to what could have rattled Peter to the point of the doctor giving him that advice. It hadn't been over Adler, he had listened to all of those sessions.
"Don't worry about that right now." Peter answered evasively as he took a step back in hopes that Neal would get close enough to the spraying water to at least get splashed.
"Was it something about me?" Neal asked more concerned.
"No." Peter replied visibly uncomfortable.
"Are you sure?"
"It was Elizabeth," Peter admitted "after Keller took her I had some trouble with anxiety."
"I'm sorry, I had no idea. I…"
"Water under the bridge." Peter interrupted. "Speaking of water…"
"Right." Neal nodded.
Neal refocused himself not having even realized how violently he had started shaking while he was talking to Peter. Peter was letting the water strike his own back to shield Neal from the spray but now he started to turn, guiding Neal to exchange places with him. With his heart already pounding in his chest Neal started to feel dizzy as he followed Peter's lead and moved towards the spray. Neal felt that he was doing okay until the water slammed against his shoulder blade. A vivid memory of falling back first into the tub as Jake pushed him down assaulted his senses in a powerful flash back. Instantly hyperventilating Neal closed his eyes and gripped down on Peter's hands. He tried to ask Peter to pull him out of the water but his voice had been stolen by panic.
"Neal, breathe normally, you're going to pass…"
Neal didn't hear the rest of Peter's warning as his blood pressure spiked dangerously high and everything went black. Peter lashed out and managed to get his arms around Neal's emaciated waist and pulled him closer to keep him from collapsing. Keeping one arm around Neal Peter reached up and supported the back of Neal's head with his other hand. Tilting Neal back under the spray Peter did his best to wash the thick blood out of his hair. Peter wasn't surprised by Neal's violent reaction, he had even expected it. Even while Neal had been delirious with fever he had responded violently to getting wet. Coping with the complexities of a trauma induced phobia was well beyond any of Peter's training. He hadn't even been able to get over his own fears of leaving Elizabeth unguarded without the help of a few months of medication, and even then the fear returned and still woke him bolt upright now and then.
"I'm sorry, Neal, I don't think I know how to be strong enough to get you past this."
