Neal held his breath as he waited for Sara to make her decision. He actually appreciated that she didn't just instantly grant his request to stay, it showed she was taking the consequences seriously and weighing the risks and rewards. A wave of relief washed over him as a warm smile lit up her face. Keeping her hand in his she reached back with her free hand and closed the door before leaning in close in a clear invitation to share a kiss.
"Wait…" Neal said as he leaned back slightly "before we go any further, I have a confession."
"Neal…"
"I stole the St George and the Dragon painting."
"I know."
"I know you know." Neal chuckled. "However, after years of me denying it I thought you deserved to hear the truth from me."
"Thank you. Also thank you for the gift of being made an accomplice after the fact." Sara teased.
"No, the statue of limitations is well past on that particular heist." Neal assured. "I could go into the office tomorrow and tell Peter about it and there wouldn't be anything he could do."
"I'm sure he'd come up with something, he is your boss now after all."
"Good point, maybe we keep it between us?"
"I'll consider it."
Neal smiled brightly now that the last large lie between them was cleared and he leaned in close to her again. He let Sara close the last of the small distance between them and she didn't hesitate to do so. He had almost forgotten just how passionate Sara could be, something most wouldn't guess at considering the cold professional demeanor she usually showed the world. With his heart racing faster than he found comfortable the kiss quickly left Neal breathless as he teetered between excitement and anxiety. Breaking off the kiss he reached out and cautiously rested his hands on either side of Sara's slim waist only to have her suddenly tense.
"I'm sorry." Neal apologized as he jerked his hands away.
"What? No, uh, it's not you." Sara said. "It's your partner, I just noticed he's watching us."
"Wha…"
Neal looked over his shoulder and found Tango sitting about ten feet away. He had his head cocked to one side as he stared at the pair in obvious curiosity. Tango wagged the tip of his tail as he whined quietly sounding like he was upset about being left out of whatever game they were playing and was waiting for an invitation.
"I know it's silly," Sara said sheepishly "but I can't say I'm comfortable with him watching us like that. There's way too much intelligence in his eyes."
"I can fix this."
Neal walked over to the fridge and opened the freezer. Tango perked up as Neal pulled out a large frozen steak and unwrapped it. Tango followed Neal closely as he brought the prize over to the patio door. Throwing the frozen treat out onto the patio Tango raced after it. Closing the door Neal locked it before returning to Sara.
"That will keep him happy for a while."
"Thank you."
With their privacy restored Sara took Neal's wrists and guided him to place his hands on her hips. Neal managed not to pull away when she had closed her hands around his wrists but it had caused his already nervous stomach to churn as he was sharply reminded of being restrained in the Labyrinth. He barely tolerated shaking anyone's hand let alone being taken by the wrist. Although no longer painful he found on some days it felt like the scars he wore were tightening somehow like the zip ties that had caused them in the first place. Even Sara's gentle touch seemed to lance pins and needles up his arms. Shaking his head he told himself that the scars were long since healed and that he needed to control his symptoms better.
Instantly failing to relax Neal twitched as if ticklish when Sara slipped her hands into his sport jacket and ran them down his sides. The nerves across his abdomen were still distrustful of any contact ever since the encounter with Jake's taser. The small star like scars were starting to fade but the violent memory of earning them was still crystal clear. Trying to forced down the dark thoughts that kept surfacing Neal tried to become a more active participant as he engaged Sara in a deep kiss that she was more than happy to return. Always having been fairly sexually aggressive Sara was quick to take back charge of the situation as she pushed his jacket off his shoulders and tugged it off with ease. Despite not having a fraction of Jake's power Sara's bold advances brought back vivid flashes of Jake's cruelly playful torments.
Battling to stay present and not to slip in past memories Neal panted heavily for breath as his anxiety mounted. Mistaking his labored breathing as a positive sign Sara stripped him of his tie. Before she could reached for the buttons on his shirt Neal distracted her by wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her in close to press her against his chest. Neal was determined not to ruin the mood, but he needed a moment before he was ready to let her take his shirt from him, particularly since she had a history of simply ripping them open. Running his hand down the curve of her back Neal poured more of his focus into enjoying the intimate encounter even as bile stung the back of his throat when Sara unknowingly put her palm against his hidden brand. Angry at himself for his reaction Neal wasn't paying attention when Sara suddenly reached up and roughly carded her fingers into his hair.
Crying out sharply Neal jerked away and stumbled back a few steps as his panic finally forcefully overtook him. His longer hair had been a major liability in the Labyrinth, giving his opponents and Jake a convenient and humiliating hand hold to drag him around. He knew Sara had no intention of hurting him but the damage was already done as he spiraled out of control. Dizzy with nausea Neal wrapped his arms over his stomach as he doubled over. Dry heaving against an empty stomach he could hear Tango outside barking in distress and clawing at the glass pane door. Terrified by the sudden change Sara didn't know how best to react and ended up frozen in place. Neal wanted to apologize but he had to focus on getting his breath back.
Outside Tango quickly gave up on barking and started frantically chewing on the wooden frames that held the glass panes in place in a desperate attempt to get back inside. Afraid Tango was going to hurt himself Neal pulled his stomach under control through sheer force of will. Rushing over to the door he opened it for the distressed dog. Bolting inside Tango circled Neal in a quick check for threats before sitting at Neal's feet and pressing himself against Neal's leg with a whimper. Kneeling down Neal put his arms around Tango to help calm them both. It wasn't the first panic attack Tango had witnessed but it was the first time he hadn't been able to instantly get to Neal's side during one.
Neal buried his face in Tango's soft fur and took a moment to center himself. Assuring Tango he was okay Neal rubbed between his ears before slowly getting back to his feet. Turning back to Sara Neal took a breath to apologize but couldn't find his voice. Sighing in defeat Neal walked back over to Sara and sat down on the edge of the bed. Tango stayed glued to Neal's side and jumped up on the bed to lie down next to him. Looking up at Sara Neal glanced down at the empty space next to him, but he also looked over at the door to let her know he wouldn't blame her if she left. Unlike before Sara didn't hesitate as she sat down next to him. Neal smiled in gratitude.
"I'm sorry." Neal broke the silence with a hoarse whisper.
"It's okay."
"No." Neal shook his head. "I should have told you more, I shouldn't had just pretended that I'm not broken."
"Neal…"
"What did Peter tell you?"
"He…uh…he was vague. He said that you both nearly died when you were captured and held under difficult circumstances for an extended time."
"'Difficult circumstances'?" Neal repeated with a hollow chuckled. "Peter has always had a gift for understatement, but that impressive even for him."
Lost in thought for a moment Neal stared at nothing before taking a deep breath and refocusing his attention back to Sara. Part of him still expected to find her looking for a graceful way to leave, however she didn't even glance at the door as she sat next to him with a beautiful expression of compassionate concern. Smiling sadly at her Neal took a breath to try and tell her more, to help her understand, but his voice abandoned him once again.
Frustrated Neal came up with a new plan. He brought his hands up and tried to undo his cuff links. With his adrenaline still running high his hands trembled violently rendering them all but useless for the delicate task. Seeing him struggle Sara silent offered to help and after a brief hesitation he nodded and offered her his wrists. Sara fumbled with the twist clasp nervously for a moment but she managed to get them off and placed them on the nightstand. Neal swallowed hard as his anxiety spiked, ignoring the chill in his blood Neal rolled up his sleeves. Neal stripped off the flesh toned protective sleeves he wore to reveal the extensive scars that encircled his wrists. Sara's breath hissed quietly across her teeth at the sight of the physical aftermath that helped put his psychological state in better context. Wanting to truly explain Neal undid enough buttons on his shirt to pull it open and show her the maze brand that marred the skin over his heart. This time audibly gasping Sara stared at the mark with her eyes widened in horror. Neal gave Sara a moment before he gently took her hand in his, although it still took her a second to bring her eyes up to meet his.
"I don't want to pull away from your touch, but for two months my life was ruled by violence, everyone caused me pain in one form or another…even Peter at times." Neal admitted quietly. "It wasn't his fault, but some of my most agonizing moments were at his hand as he did his best to treat my wounds. It doesn't take much to bring it all back. I trust you, but my new instincts don't."
Clearly still in shock from the events and learning how much worse things were than she had thought Sara couldn't find any words that felt appropriate for the situation. Neal understood, it was a lot to take in even having only shown her a fraction of the story. Neal released Sara's hand and reached up to brush away a stray tear that traced down his cheek.
"I'm sorry, this isn't how I wanted tonight to end."
"The night's not over." Sara replied gently as she found her own voice again. "I'm not going anywhere if you don't want me to."
"I've never wanted you to leave, I've just never felt that it was best for you to stay. Even now I fear that I've done the wrong thing. I'm a lot to deal with these days."
"That doesn't mean you have to deal with it alone."
"I don't know, if you thought I was a lost cause before…"
"Neal, I never thought you were a lost cause."
"Really?" Neal asked skeptically.
"Okay, honestly I thought Peter was going to catch you and you were going to be right back in prison and I couldn't handle it." Sara admitted. "I didn't leave, I ran away."
"I don't blame you. That's how I deal with my problems as well."
"It never works. I'm done with running."
"...so am I."
