A/N Hello again,
I return with a dialogue heavy chapter haha. We're just building up relationships here, nothing too exciting.
Next up will be Lambo though, and then my bastardized Kokuyo arc. I'm still using chapter 20 as an estimate/goal for getting to Varia and the ring battles. Surprisingly though, we're making some good slow'n'steady progress.
Well, enjoy this chapter :)
~Chapter 15 – The Weight of Words
For the next few days Gokudera follows her like an extremely loyal dog, never straying from her side more than necessary, and barking and growling at anyone he deems annoying or 'unworthy to be in her presence' which happens to be everyone but her family and the girls that invite her for lunch. Otherwise he conducts himself professionally with an impassive expression, at least he does so when not jumping eagerly at any and all words that come out her mouth, meaning to say not very often.
Iestuna tires from this pattern after only the third consecutive day and however many handfuls of hours spent together, because it just isn't right. Both the subservient behaviour coming from the contrarily proud teen and desperation that lingered in his eyes together with the fear of being left behind. So she takes him aside during their last period of school, ditching the unnecessary gym class because it's the one that she'll most likely be able to get away with, and asks for his story. Despite requesting it herself, she doesn't quite know how to feel when he freely told her everything. Or rather she disliked the idea that he would do whatever she asked, even though it made him so clearly uncomfortable.
"My name is Gokudera Hayato and I was conceived in an affair and born a bastard." His first sentence was accompanied by a pained grimace, and as he continued the unpleasant expression remained on his face, "My mother was half-Italian half-Japanese and an uninvolved musician… my father a full blooded mafiaso." He paused and breathed in deeply, holding his breath like he held his thoughts. And when he exhaled, his tale continued. "In the mafia, affairs aren't uncommon and there are rules, laws, of how they are dealt with. Between different famiglia it's always messy, but in the case where it is a civilian lover, it's relatively easy. The child is simply taken away and groomed into the mafia. My mother might be considered lucky for being able to see her child, but I think she was the most unfortunate. We only met three times a year up until I was three before I heard she had driven off a cliff. That's nine meetings, more than half of which I don't remember. And I had only learned she was my mother when I turned eight. The whole time I had cast her aside as a nameless stranger, albeit a kind one, but a stranger nonetheless. After learning that I left home," He continued with a shrug, leaving large gaps and a lot unsaid, "Couldn't get out of the mafia though, didn't know anything but the mafia, so I became a hitman. I heard about the Vongola heirs dying, there aren't many people who hadn't, though I was surprised when Iemitsu offered me a position as one of your brother's guardians. I was considering it too, but then I almost killed myself and you were the one to save me. So now I'm here, and this is where I will be unless you order me otherwise."
He met her stare as she assessed his words, green eyes flickering uncertainly, searchingly, as her amber gaze bore into his soul. Tsuna had no clue of what he hoped to find, or what he would inevitably see, yet decided that either way it was better for him to find his answer sooner rather than later. Sooner so she could understand why he was in such a hurry to burn himself out, why it seemed like he wanted to go out in a blaze of glory, and why he thought that was his destiny. She closed her eyes, breathed in and breathed out, those amber irises just a tad brighter when they resurfaced. "Mama is a civilian as well, and she has no idea that her husband is a mafiaso, that he's renowned in the bloody underworld, heading his own covert organisation as Vongola's Young Lion." Tsuna came to the conclusion that he ought to go away with a story too. Honesty begets honesty, and he deserved, had more than earned, her own. "Papa may think he hides it well, but really, she just doesn't want to look. And just the same, I wasn't supposed to have known until the kidnapping incident." She hadn't tried to tell the story before, and it came out unrefined, Tsuna moving back to the beginning at Gokudera's insistent gaze. "My parents had been expecting a single child, a son according to the doctor, who would be named Tsunayoshi. Instead I was born and my brother followed moments after, or so I've been told, and Tsunayoshi became Ietsuna and Ieyoshi. Papa decided early on that Ieyoshi was to be his successor and took him to Italy before we had even entered preschool, he did not expect though that I would be following due to what was probably separation anxiety," The girl offered a wry smile, wringing her hands uneasily, "Father took us to Vongola mansion every once in a while when he had to turn in reports, and there I saw a man killed. That was my formal introduction to the mafia."
The silver haired teen grew contemplative, his mouth slowly but surely tilting downwards the longer he was left in his thoughts. "You-"
"I ran away," Ietsuna told him simply, "I became afraid of guns, of being shot, of people dying, and losing those I care about. I'm a coward, and for the past seven years I've tried to plead ignorance. But that's something I just can't do anymore, and now I'm finding myself in a tough situation. Tougher than I could've ever imagined." She pressed her fingers together lightly until they started to bend, the simple pressure easing her mind and tongue, "I can't go back to how I was, that is no longer an option, and really, it never was. But going from 'wanting nothing to do with it' to suddenly commanding what Reborn tells me is the 'largest and most powerful' faction, is more than a large leap into the unknown. I can't even comprehend that I would be offered such a chance, that as a no name, cowardly, civilian girl, I might suddenly have control over a criminal organisation. I would have subordinates, people that would die for me, people that would kill for me, and I'm not even sure I would be able to pull the trigger myself let alone be amidst all that death. It's a lot to consider Gokudera-san, but know that I would do it all in a heartbeat if it meant protecting my brother, if it meant keeping Yoshi safe." As it was she had already begun to overcome her fear of guns, of shooting and being shot she wasn't quite sure yet, but it was yet another hurdle that she would soon jump. Ietsuna simply no longer had the luxury of fear. "If I become Vongola Decimo, that will be my reason. I have no ambitions or goals regarding the underworld, and I could be the worst leader you eventually find yourself working under. So given all that, I have to ask you to really consider if this is what you want, to follow an ignorant, weak, most likely useless leader."
Their gazes met for the umpteenth time this conversation, but it was only now that Tsuna felt like he was truly looking at her. His green eyes were brighter and clearer, lacking the tell-tale glaze of admiration he had worn so well these past few days. They were sharp and brilliant and maybe a touch cold, while hers remained just as radiant and just as intense, except with a smouldering sort of warmth. This was a Gokudera she had yet to see, more wolf than dog, with fangs that could and would bite unlike a muzzled, tame, animal. Though Tsuna didn't expect the slight smile that bloomed on his serious face, softening his usual scowling countenance without being the excessive eagerness she had frequently seen, and it was nothing short of beautiful. "It would be my pleasure to stay by your side if you would allow." He bowed his head and followed with his body, just as deep as always but with a bit less tension in his shoulders, hiding the blush that rushed to his cheeks. He owed her his life, and that had been initially what earned his loyalty, but this now cemented it into his heart. She spoke truthfully though was more than a little self-deprecating, and whilst there was a lot for her to learn he was sure Reborn could help her through, the greatest hitman also undoubtedly seeing how great she could become. And if they hit walls she couldn't overcome, then Gokudera was more than willingly to climb over them for her. If she found herself unable to pull the trigger and kill a man, then he would gladly do it for her.
Her mother was a little bit of an airhead. She and her brother both loved her to death, but there were times where they couldn't understand how oblivious to things she was. For example, the first time they met Renato Sinclair. The suited male was probable the same age as them, sixteen, give or take a year, but was taller and just as impeccably dressed as his older counterpart. Nana accepted that he was Reborn's younger brother, and though he had mysteriously appeared in the house, rather than question it, she simply said "I hope you don't mind sharing a room with your brother, Renato-kun."
"Of course not Maman." He had replied.
Maybe that was why neither her brother or father thought to explain it to her, thinking she would simply accept the seemingly random age fluctuations as easily as her mother. To be honest she had, but for a vastly different reason. But that was one matter, and the name she had been pondering, another. "Renato Sinclair." It could've been an alias but her intuition said otherwise, telling her the name held meaning to the mysterious hitman.
"My mother was French, and I liked her name better than my father's." He stated on a whim. He blinked at her, mildly surprised with himself. Where had that come from? Loose lips must be a side effect of being in his younger form he decided, and then narrowed his eyes in a sharp glare directed at the girl. Tsuna quickly mimed the motion of zipping her lips, though not quite completely hiding her small smile. If that was what he wanted she would pretend as if she hadn't heard him.
"So, are you also…cursed?" He huffed, and shrugged as if it would remove the ever-present weight on his shoulders. It didn't.
"I'm an Arcobaleno," He said as if it answered things, "Has Fon told you anything else?" Of course he would know Fon, Tsuna thought to herself.
"Nothing at all."
"Good." Reborn was done with the conversation, and if he was done so was Tsuna. That didn't mean she was going to ignore the waves of… melancholy coming off him. She would just file it for later, adding it to the mental folder that also held Fon's occasional listlessness.
"Tsu-chan, Gokudera-kun's here!" The young mafiaso greeted her mother politely, before he was enthusiastically led into the living room, "Are you hungry? Can I get you anything to drink?" Nana rattled off a number of question, only truly satisfied when he was comfortably seated beside a plate of snacks and a cool drink. Tsuna noted he wasn't surprised by Reborn's younger appearance, and wondered if the 'Arcobaleno' were common knowledge in the underworld.
"We're legendary." Reborn said grandly, catching on to her thoughts. He was not a mind-reader she reminded herself. "How can you be sure?" He smirked and she pretended like she wasn't worried… and also that he hadn't made her blush with the smug smile worn on his younger face. It felt like she had to do this sort of pretending a lot these days.
"Are you okay, Tsuna-sama?" Gokudera pressed the back of his hand to her forehead, his concern endearing. She had very few friends after all, and liked to think that Gokudera was more friend than subordinate.
"Reborn," Tsuna paused, her pen hovering just above the page of her notebook, returning to the normality of studying in her room, "Can I ask you something?"
"You just did," The man, and he was a man again, answered as he flipped the page of his book, "But go ahead and ask another." He oh so graciously allowed.
"Does Yoshi, does he actually want to become Vongola Decimo?" She couldn't see her brother as the head of a criminal organization, no matter how 'good' it was, but perhaps she no longer knew him as much as she thought she did. There could be more to this all she wasn't seeing, and had only just begun to consider so.
"In a way, yes," Reborn lowered his book and stared her straight in the eyes, "After all Iemitsu told him it would be the best way to keep you safe-"
"What kind of logic is that?!" She was outraged enough that she had cut off Reborn, and he promised himself to make sure she wouldn't do it again later on.
"It's the same thing that you want to do honestly." He mused, stalking over to her. His steady gaze was more calming than she thought and in moments her rational mind returned.
"Then why exactly did you suggest I become Decimo?" Her amber eyes were sceptical, "If my goal is the same as Ieyoshi then why wouldn't he be better? He's been trained since he was little, he knows more than I do, he's more prepared." She paused and frowned slightly, "Unless you want to keep him safe too?" She would be lying if she said it didn't hurt just a little bit, believing Reborn had chosen her brother over her. It was an unreasonable feeling though, because despite how close they might have become in this past month, he had spent longer with Yoshi. And if it came down to it, she'd probably choose her brother too.
"The question isn't which of the two of you I want safe, as the mafia does a spectacular job of putting everyone in danger, but who I think is more suitable to lead the Vongola." He let her stew on his words, watching as her fingers seemed to fiddle with themselves nervously.
"I'm flattered," Tsuna replied dryly, "But why on Earth do you think I would be more suitable to be Decimo? I know nearly nothing about Vongola, I can't fight as well as Yoshi, I'm clumsy, I can barely speak Italian, I'm not that smart, I'm afraid of guns- Hieeee!" She flinched as a bullet shot past her, lodging itself into her otherwise pristine wall. The barrel of Reborn's oddly green gun was smoking, and the gaze he pinned her with sharp enough to earn silence..
"Those are all things that can be easily fixed with time," He assured her, the gun amazingly transforming back into his chameleon, "But if you really want a reason, my guts telling me that you would make a better leader. I may not have the Vongola hyper intuition, but it has never led me wrong before." She could hardly believe it. In her head she had labelled Reborn as a pragmatic kind of man, but it looked like she would have to revise that.
"So what should I be doing now?" She asked him, the hitman raising a curious brow at her initiative.
Guardians, she needed guardians according to Reborn. A total of six to match each of the dying will flame types with exception of the sky, that particular element, apparently belonged to her. The hitman had given her a basic explanation, one that he would expand on later, telling her the bare minimum about these flames. She and many other bosses held the so-called rare Sky flame. It was this group that included her father and brother, and was all but required for anyone who wanted to take up Vongola's throne. And what was once a coincidental tradition in the famiglia, now turned requirement, was to bring together a group of people holding the remaining flame types. As loyal subordinates, advisors, bodyguards, whatever it meant to keep them close. There had simply never been a Vongola boss without the full set of guardians.
She needed a surging storm, a calming rain, a sun that will shine, a cloud that may drift, a mist that eludes and entraps, and a lighting that protects. Differing flames were borne from varying personalities of course there may always be exceptions, contradictions, as humans are naturally contrary creatures. So Reborn had told her to ignore all attempts at amateur profiling, to leave it to him as he was a professional, and to just gather up as many allies as she could. He shared the sneaking suspicion that the auras she saw were in fact related to flames, confirming himself to be a sun and Fon a storm, so she should keep an eye out for every and any colours she witnessed. Gokudera was a storm too, 'her storm' he pointed out, also accurately guessing that the prefect in her school was responsible for the purple page in her journal. He didn't stop there, trying to wheedle information from her about the 'two, not one' indigo pages, though was left ultimately unsatisfied by her response.
"All you need is lightning." He told absentmindedly over her shoulder, more than willing to through her friends into the mafia with her. And she had no doubt in her mind that he would do it without a single shred of remorse, in fact he had already begun. Knowing this, Iestuna walked the quiet streets of Namimori with resolve in her eyes. She trusted Kyoya to not fall to Reborn's baiting when he eventually waltzed into Namimori High, and she trusted Mukuro to keep Chrome and himself as hidden as they had already been in the eyes of the mafia. Ryohei she would have to have a talk with, a proper conversation, one that was long overdue but would have to wait a fraction longer. Because now she had someone else to speak with. With a deep breath she stopped in front of Namimori's iconic sushi bar, and pausing only momentarily in front of TakeSushi's wooden doors.
"Welcome!" Tsuyoshi greeted, eyes sharpening to an unnoticeable degree as he identified his guest. "Takeshi's in his room if you're looking for him, Ietsuna-chan," He told her pleasantly enough, "Would you like me to call him down?" The girl shook her head, taking the final few steps into the establishment quietly. She stood before the elder Yamamoto and caught his gaze before bowing, arms held tight to her side and tilting down the full ninety degrees Gokudera seemed to favour.
"I'm sorry Tsuyoshi-san." Her voice came out strong but held a remorseful quality. At this point in time there were no more facades, no jovial, small-town chef, or a quiet, boring, high school girl. In this moment there was only Yamamoto Tsuyoshi, a forgotten swordsman who had found a small peace in this quaint town, and Sawada Ietsuna, the daughter of a mafiaso that would drag his son down into the underworld with her.
He couldn't tell her that 'it was fine' because it really wasn't. And he just knew Takeshi's mother would be rolling in her grave if she found out what her baby had gotten caught up in. But she also didn't know Tsuna like he did, didn't know about Takeshi's feeling like he did, and how the baseball loving boy had easily dropped his bat and picked up the sword for this girl. "You mean the world to him," Tsuyoshi told her seriously, "There's no doubt he would follow you wherever you went, as a friend, as a protector, or as more I had hoped. It's just a shame you seem to be heading towards an unpleasant place."
"I tried to stop him." She protested weakly, but they both knew how stubborn his son could be.
"You expected him to leave?" Tsuna could only shake her head dolefully. The older man tilted his head up and exhaled, as if searching for answers from the heavens. Truth be told he had expected this when his son had first caught interest, when he had later begged to be taught how to fight, how to swing a sword in a way far more brutal than a normal dojo would teach. He sighed at the inevitable. "It would be against nature," He uttered cryptically, "For rain to fall upwards."
A/N Thanks for readin'
Three cheers for heart-to-heart conversations. You can expect them to be littered throughout this fic.
Also, this Gokudera has yet to reconcile with his family (namely his sister) and still believes his mothers death to be a homicide. (Because I think he only learned the truth in the future from Bianchi?) This, will be similar with other characters and their issues, should they pop up.
I'm also glad this fic is doing well and hope y'all look forward to the next chapter.
