Silver Snow
Chapter 6: Loss
Leonie rubbed her temples, tugging at a few strands of her short, red hair. Whereas it was usually frizzy, it now lay flat against her head, damp and sticky from the pouring rain.
It was unlike her to stalk the monastery at night, outside of a few spontaneous training sessions whenever sleep eluded her. If only she could be a little more like Linhardt, she thought, before immediately dismissing the notion.
That was no way for Jeralt's apprentice to be thinking. He would be disappointed.
Leonie's steps faltered, as she was once again reminded of the reason for her excursion.
He would have been disappointed.
"Why?" she muttered sadly, staring up into the gray clouds above. Heavy drops of rain struck her face, but she did not care. For a brief moment, Leonie considered to just let go, voicing her frustrations to the Goddess with a mighty, pained scream.
"It's not fair." was all she said, yet the soft murmur seemed to cut through the storm clearer than any yell ever could.
With a sigh, she resumed her solemn walk, heading down the narrow steps leading to the monastery's graveyard. The least she could do was pay her respects, something she had been postponing for far too long. Truthfully, Leonie did not know if she had it in her to face Jeralt one final time.
He had always been someone she considered invincible. The perfect example of a man and human being – strong, compassionate and righteous. Ever since the day he had saved her village, Leonie wanted to become just like him.
And now he was gone.
It was as though a part of her had been torn away, and she felt hollow inside. The future she once considered a certainty now seemed distant, slipping through her fingers. Each day since Jeralt's murder had tormented her, in an almost mocking way.
Leonie's boots sloshed as she made her way down the staircase, and she considered what she would say – which words would be worthy of her late mentor. A tiny, traitorous voice echoed in her head, and Leonie suddenly found herself at an impasse.
Would Jeralt even want to hear her, after the way she had treated his own son?
She shook her head. While her words may have been harsh, they still felt justified.
"Mother…"
Her eyes snapped up, and she noticed a shadowy figure hovering over one of the graves. The Goddess was not yet done taunting her, it seemed.
"Father…" the voice continued, only slightly muffled by the weather.
Against her better judgment, Leonie silently crouched down and hid behind the nearest mural. She had an idea of who the figure could be, and it was one she desperately wished to avoid lest her emotions get the better of her.
Professor Eisner knelt down, his silhouette now unmistakable, and placed a single flower by his father's tombstone.
"I'm sorry…"
Leonie was surprised to hear the emotionless voice cracking up toward the end.
"I'm sorry you had to die because of me."
The professor bowed, pressing his forehead against the cool, wet rock, and she found herself clenching her fists in indignation.
What was he saying?!
"I'm sorry that I could never be a normal child." he whispered; a hint of anguish seeping through.
Leonie had never seen the professor baring his emotions before. There was something about witnessing the cold, unfeeling man this way that was wrong. It was as though everything she knew about the world had been turned upside down, and it unsettled her greatly.
She thought she had the professor pegged down from the day she first lay eyes on him – an arrogant, uncaring young man, completely unaware of the sheer honor it was to be able to call Jeralt his father.
That impression was only further confirmed when Leonie struck up conversation with him, and he proceeded to give detached and almost nonchalant responses to her queries. Much like the pompous nobles born into money and power, the professor seemed to take his good fortune for granted.
And then, when Jeralt died, he had the nerve to keep going about his day as though nothing had happened. The thought alone was enough to enrage her all over again.
Leonie took a deep breath.
Now, in hindsight, she could see how his shoulders had been slumped - his usual poise rattled. Much like his current, glum demeanor, the professor had not quite been himself after losing his father.
"I'm sorry I could never… express myself. I just couldn't. I didn't know how."
Professor Eisner's voice had Leonie snapping back to reality, and her eyes widened at his words.
"Perhaps now…" he murmured, smiling wistfully as he looked up. "You were right, you know… the students… I'm glad we came here. They make me feel human."
"Like the family we could never be."
Stunned by his confession, Leonie barely noticed the professor standing back up. For once, fortune seemed to favor her, as he slowly made his way in the opposite direction.
For some reason, the tomboy felt an urge to wipe her eyes clean. They were stinging, but the rain made it difficult to tell why.
She approached Jeralt's grave with heavy steps. The uncertainty she had felt previously was dissipating, however, replaced with newfound fervor and determination. Her pride may have been shattered, but Leonie was not one to dwell on such petty, selfish matters.
She finally knew what to say, and what to do.
"Captain…" she spoke with reverence. "I'll look after him. I promise."
