Well hello it has been forever! You will all have to excuse my absence. Or not. Pandemic life, working on writing originals, getting a job have all been exhausting! We have two chapters left and guess what happened? Somehow my finished chapter disappeared...like the next chapter I know I finished and somehow it stops somewhere it's not supposed to. I have to read through it and re-finish it. No promises on when I'll post again but you know if enough people say, post again, post again, it'll probably happen sooner.

Rin-present

Her eyes open, or rather she comes into an awareness of her existence. It's not the first time this has happened. Off and on during Nina's life, especially during dreams, it was as if she was alive again, living in their memories. But this world is white and hazy and behind her she sees Gobodo-sama waving with a smile on her face. She runs to her and wraps her arms around the elder youkai with tears in her eyes. "She's here, Rin."

"What?"

"I can't stay long…my time has come. She's here. This will be your only chance." Gobodo-sama releases her with tears in her eyes. "My sweet Rin, if you only knew how I loved you. How I protected you, the things we had to do to preserve your life."

"I know," tears flash out of her eyes as the woman evaporates and disappears.

"You know?" a foreign voice screams from behind her. "You know!"

Rin turns to find a woman covering her mouth, brown eyes bulging in shock and so familiar in form. "I can talk…I can't talk…I don't sound like a freak?"

"Well, this is one way to solve this problem." Rin glances down at her body, imagining her favorite kimono, the emerald green one with golden dragons embroidered on it. She approaches the woman who is still in shock.

"What the hell is going on?" Nina backs away from Rin. "I can talk…and you speak English? And the tree spoke English and you were with his mother. I know that's who she was and you're the person that was married to him…well not married. I'm so confused."

"You hurt him," Rin says, her mind sorting through which memories are hers and which are Nina's. "Why did you write about the memories?"

"What else was I supposed to do with them? You think I wanted them? To be you?"

"Did you think I wanted to die and leave him alone? I knew that he would spend centuries pining for me. He was too stubborn to die. He was saving our children."

Nina circles Rin, fire building in her eyes. "You're a fool for loving him. You should have left him. You should have gone with that other man, the boy…"

"No," Rin says with a smile. "I loved Kohaku but you don't understand…maybe I need to show you." She walks forward and touches her middle fingers to Nina's temple.

The scenery shifts from white as Rin focuses to a field that overlooks a valley and the rice paddies of the village Rin grew up in. Kaede-sama works the fields with other children. Kagome holds her newborn daughter and Inuyasha sits on a fence post giving pointers to his two sons.

A much younger Rin comes up to find Kohaku sitting at the lookout. He has tears in his eyes and is holding the material of a bright pink kimono with red roses outlaid on it. "What's that Kohaku?" the younger Rin asks him.

"A dowry gift," he says in a broken voice. "I was going to give it to Satsu. I talked to her father about marrying her this summer."

Nina's eyes water. "What? Why don't I have this memory?"

"I can't give you everything. Even I don't remember everything," Rin tells her. "Just keep watching."

"This summer," Kohaku continues. "I miss her." He lifts the material up to his eyes and begins to cry.

Rin sits down with him, rubbing his back and then hugs him around the waist, her own tears falling. "I miss her too. She knew Kohaku. She did."

The scenery shifts again, to a night when together they stalk the forest, searching out demons and clearing the forest so the village children are safe. Kohaku and Rin run together. He aims for the legs while she swings into the trees, attacking the heads of the ogres. She's sixteen and so much stronger and faster than she once was.

She sends her sword through one head and then another and then flips, landing on her feet, but she twists her ankle. Kohaku sends his large sickle through several more youkai, ending their life and then lands next to Rin. He helps her limp back to the village. But she blushes at his touch, not used to being so physically close to someone else.

He sets her down by the lake and gathers herbs to press against her ankle so it will heal faster. As she does, Rin lets Nina feel how she felt then. Scared, nervous, aroused. His fingers pressed into her skin, rubbing out the sore muscles. Neither speak because there is nothing to say as he tenderly wraps her ankle. They both have suffered loss.

Kohaku sets her ankle down next to him and scoots closer, leaning into Rin's lips. "We shouldn't," Rin argues.

"Why not? The one I wanted is dead and the one you want will never love you in return. Should we spend the rest of our lives pretending we feel nothing when we're together?" The pad of his thumb traces her lips and then he kisses Rin, tasting her lips.

She shudders, unsure of the contact and then pulls away. "We'd be settling."

"And if we did?"

"What if there is someone else out there for you Kohaku?" Rin asks him. "Someone who will love you completely? Not just take you because they're in love with a Mononoke who doesn't love them back?"

He exhales and kisses her again, pushing her shoulders against the ground and sliding on top of her. "I don't want to look elsewhere."

"I don't want to keep waiting for him," Rin gasps out, feeling his fingers begin to explore.

"You settled?" Nina asks Rin, so unsure of her surroundings and what she's seeing. "I thought you were a virgin when you with Sesshomaru."

Rin chuckles, watching Nina go wide eyed when Kohaku's hand finds its way up her kimono and remembers the feeling of his fingers parting her. It was both erotic and painful. "It was that was just his fingers. We never did more than that and when we did, you have that memory. He stopped us."

The scenery shifts again, this time not from Rin's power, but something much stronger. "He's here, isn't he?" Nina asks.

"Yes," Rin says, smiling like a school girl and feeling like one too. "I've missed you my love. He can't speak. It hurts too much."

Nina tries to avert her eyes. It's one thing to see them make love in her dreams and another all together to see it in real life.

At first Rin rocks against her own hand as she kneels on all fours, moaning softly but with an air of annoyance, because she can't get where she wants to go on her own. And then a white light surrounds the room and Sesshomaru forms behind her. He lowers his clothing, shrugging off his armor, his swords, his outer clothing and then his hakama.

Gawking at his naked body, she watches between parted fingers as he kneels down behind Rin's legs and replaces her hand with his own. Teasing her clit with his thumb and massaging her lower back. She begins moaning deeply and sighing, encouraging him to keep touching her. "Is this what you needed?" he whispers, "take my heart…take what you need."

She rocks against his hand harder and until it's obvious she can't hold back and she groans so deep and throaty, Nina feels herself getting aroused. He doesn't wait he slides in behind her, holding her around the stomach and makes slow and sensuous love to her. "Why are you showing me this?"

"So you know that he always gave me what I wanted."

"But he left you and still expected you to do that."

"No, I wanted that. I wanted to make love to him. Our relationship became purely sexual then but even then, whose pleasure was he focused on?" Rin nods in the direction of the naked lovers and Nina listens.

"Deeper," Rin whispers.

"There?" Sesshomaru confirms.

"Yes, right there…Sesshomaru, hold me," she pleads with him and his grip tightens on her.

They rock and pant together as if it's a dance, a waltz until she comes and he follows after her. "He did it for me, because I wanted it."

Rin and a much older Kohaku sit together on a cliff face, watching the sunrise. "Are you going with him?" Kohaku asks her, holding Rin's hand.

"I don't think I have a choice. He's taking the children with him and I don't know how long he'll be gone for."

"I thought you would stay with me."

"We talked about that," Rin replies earnestly. "There's no future with us. If we made love, he would find out and then he'd kill you out of rage and jealousy."

"He wouldn't know," Kohaku replies firmly.

"I can't."

"Are you happy being attached to him like this?"

"It doesn't matter," Rin answers bitterly. "He would know. Because of his yoki I could still get pregnant and what then? What would we do with that child? You wouldn't live long enough to raise it, even if he let you live." She stands up and begins heading back to the garden to give Taisho the final orders of how to care for their home while they're gone.

"This isn't fair to you," Kohaku reminds her as he falls in place by her side.

"This wasn't fair to him either. Look at my home Kohaku…this field used to be filled with villagers, children. They'd pick fruits from the trees, run in the fields, swim in the lakes. This place, it's not what it used to be and all he sees is what happened. They were my family, my friends. If I say no…if I reject him, the bond breaks and I'll lose my children too. I'll start aging like a normal human and before they're grown, I'll have to say good bye."

"You think I was weak by staying with him, but you don't understand…my children aged so slowly, I wouldn't get to see them grow if I left him."

"But you weren't happy," Nina argues, following after the vision of Rin. She commands Taisho how to care for the house, how to keep the lands secure. It wasn't as if there was anyone left to threaten them now.

"Not then. That came later."

Then she goes to her room and gathers two extra kimonos and packs clean clothing for their children. The entire time Sesshomaru watches her, as if they are strangers. He changes out of a long kimono and into a white top and bottom. The same ones he used to always wear. It's obvious his eyes are on Rin. "When are they coming back?" she asks him.

"Soon. They found beaver youkai children hiding in the streams who were sick."

A smile crosses Rin's lips. Over the years her children had found more children to bring back to this place. Even if it meant that for five years she had barely seen them. Her children were growing into their own power, and their own kindness.

She finishes packing and then takes the bag out to Aun's stall and starts loading it on him. She's packed light, knowing what it's like to travel then. She only ever needed a spare change of clothes and nothing more.

When she's finished, curiosity gets the best of her when she senses Sesshomaru nearby.

She finds him with Natsuki, holding the demoness around the waist and resting his forehead against hers inside a hut. "You don't have to do this," he whispers and kisses Nastuki's lips.

"I can't," Natsuki trembles, shocking Rin. "I don't want to be the one that breaks you apart or keeps you from coming together again. It's better this way. Promise me, you'll look after Tsukimaru?"

"He's my son."

"He's not her son."

"Even she is not that petty," he reminds Natsuki and when their mouths connect a wave of jealousy passes through Rin and anger. It was one thing to be aware that he had not withheld himself from Natsuki and another entirely to see it like this, in their village.

She runs off, away from the hut as fast as she can, until her lungs burn and her legs ache and then falls against a tree, frustrated and so alone.

"If this is supposed to convince me of something," Nina begins, "it's not."

Rin continues on.

They set out together once the children return, taking Shiori with them, not only because she had somehow become part of their family but because she was necessary to serve as protection against any that would attack them. "You don't want to come with me."

"I want to be with my children."

"How long will you be angry with me?" he asks, while walking shoulder to shoulder with her.

"You can't put a limit on hurt, Sesshomaru," Rin replies passively.

"What did you expect me to do with her?" he argues, making more space between them and the children.

"Great, they're going to fight again," Yuki spits out.

"They never stopped fighting," Shiori corrects her.

"I miss when they used to get along," Taiyomaru says but it's Harutoga who says nothing.

"You're really going to try to defend yourself?" Rin scoffs and keeps moving towards the coasts. It would take days for them to get there.

"She had no one left but me, Rin," Sesshomaru says angrily. "My people die and you become selfish."

And then they are wrapped in a quiet so thick it makes it hard to breathe.

Then time begins to become a fluid construct, and the memories are slowly restored. In the first year, Rin learns that Sesshomaru has been here before. He speaks the language fluently and jealousy drives her to learn it too. At night she learns from scrolls but gets confused and is forced to accept his help.

He sits patiently with her nightly, when they are both exhausted from a day of travel and slowly she learns Mandarin and then together they learn Cantonese. They search, going from place to place, finding and treating the ill, bonding again over language and the grueling task of healing the ill.

Some villages they stay for weeks and send the children to the surrounding areas to find what's left and then move on. They go north first, travelling for years, and years and it seems like Rin's wrath knows no bounds. She's angry and frustrated, but they are constantly in motion and the only thing they seem to be able to do without arguing is making love, curing the ill and learning the dialects of the surrounding villages.

And then more years pass and the bitterness grows. At times, she convinces herself to confront him, to ask what happened, but then she sees him exhausted, sleeping nightly, pushing himself to find just one more of his kind, just one more child, one more family in hiding and heal them too and she can't ask.

But bitterness is a plague that seeps into her veins and manipulates her soul until one day she finds herself in the forest hiding. The monks of this land also turned against the demons. They helped Yashida pass the disease along to the demons and what the disease didn't destroy they would by their own hands and so they run through the forest, becoming separated. They had heard of a powerful demon in a territory on the coast, to the north and began back tracking. The rumor had said that it was ill and needed to be healed. The demon had heard of Sesshomaru and his children and they had rushed to come to its aid. "Take the children and run!" he yells, pushing her away and transforming.

"No, my love, no!"

He turns at those words, the name she had not called him in nearly a decade just as his body changes, his mouth breaks into a sad smile and he lands in front of the monks, blocking their path towards the children.

Rin picks up Tsukimaru, tying him to her back and climbs onto Aun. The rest join her and the dragon takes off, dodging arrows flying at her. When she looks down, Sesshomaru is rampaging, destroying them left and right. But then he howls in pain and rage and falls, his body starts shaking, trembling, convulsing. She's never seen this before, not since he was healed. "No…."

"We have to keep going, Ka-san," Yuki says, swallowing hard.

"No, we have to save him." No matter how angry or bitter she is, she can't fault him for making the choices he did.

But then another set of arrows come flying at them. One hits Aun in the belly, knocking him off balance. Another comes and goes through Rin's shoulder and stomach. She loses her balance, screaming in pain just as Shiori's barrier goes up and the world goes dark.

"What happened?" Nina asks, confused and then she starts rubbing her arms.

"Something dark," Rin tells her. "I let hatred in, anger and jealousy. I don't really remember much of what happened or how they did it…except feeling a darkness permeate my body. I was desperate. I needed the power to save Sesshomaru, so rather than fight the darkness, I let it in, intent on using it to go back and rescue him, but I didn't realize that darkness was using me." She rubs her arms, trying to erase the chill.

"Such a sad thing, so lonely and out of place. Loved but hated," a voice lingers in the air, "and yet you want to save him. You aren't strong enough on your own. But inside," it hums and feels as if it's licking at her soul, "so powerful."

"What is that?" Nina shakes, trying to find her way out of the darkness.

"A spirit," Rin answers and things change.

Rin's eyes open. Her body feels different, powerful. Eyes that were once brown are now red with anger. She has fangs and the shells of her ears are pointed. She stares at her hands and begins laughing, dusting herself off. "It's been so long since I've been free."

In front of her the monks bow, offering their praise and chanting prayers, celebrating the freedom of their mistress. Behind her, Sesshomaru is chained to a post.

He's weakened. Blood drips down the side of his cheek, marring his face. "Let her go," he snarls.

"Why would I do that?" the new Rin answers, coming forward. "Isn't this what you wanted? A pure demon, someone who would live forever by your side?"

"Not like this," Sesshomaru hangs from the chains, biding his time. She can hear him struggling to breathe, to control his body.

"But like this my love, we'll live together forever." She curls her index finger under his chin. "It's amazing what desperation will do to a person, isn't it? Make them hate, make them chase after a rumor, make them sacrifice the one they love."

He clenches his teeth, pulling his face out of her hands.

The chanting becomes louder, covering Sesshomaru in a red glow. He wrestles against it, trying to get lose, only for his eyes to pitch red. A circle of Ji Tong monks surround him, dressed in purple and red. "They're going to seal you now, Sesshomaru. And she will be mine forever, do you know why?"

The snarling becomes deeper, more desperate, "Rin is mine!"

"She was yours, now she is mine," she laughs at him. "In moments you will be sealed and I will be free forever."

He fights against the bonds holding him, twisting his wrists, releasing dokkasu that ebbs slowly at the magic infused metal. "Why seal me then?" he asks, glaring at the scantily clad woman in front of him.

"Because she has something inside her that makes this body so much easier to live in than the rest. Something strong, something powerful, something so unique."

"Our bond," he whispers, suddenly become aware from where the spirit is drawing it's power. Freeing one hand he reaches out and swipes at the body that was once Rin, tearing claw marks into her back.

The chanting stops, sending echoes of silence through the temple. "Was that supposed to hurt?" she glances at her bleeding back and catches his hand, squeezing it so tightly his bones break. "Thanks to your strength, I will live forever."

"You will never have her," Sesshomaru spits out, roaring one last call, ripping the chains from his body. He holds his hand out, calling Bakusaiga to his side.

"What will you do kill me?" she taunts him.

"Not you," he rams the sword through his chest, into his own heart and twists the blade, falling to his knees. Blood floods from his heart.

"No!" the spirit screams from inside Rin. "NOOOOOOO." Her body turns white, wisps of energy fly from inside her mouth, her body collapses. She lands gasping on her knees as the temple begins to fall apart and the Ji-Tong scatter. "No my love, no… please don't die…please." She crawls weakly to his side, lifting his head into her lap, cradling him.

"You're…free…" he coughs up blood. "I free…you. You can love…again," he shakes, his lifeforce beginning to leave him.

"I don't want to be free like this," she sobs against him. "My love, please?" But her own body begins to feel weak. She's covered in his blood. She uses her last ounce of strength to pull his katana from his chest, just as their children break into the temple. She feels like fainting, like vomiting.

Shiori's barrier shines, blocking the stone beams from falling on their heads. Taiyomaru and Tsukimaru lay hands over their father, lighting up his body and then the world begins to darken. Shaking out the dizziness, she yells at the children, "we have to get out of here. Hurry!" She helps them lift their father, and drag his body out of the temple, until Aun meets them and this time they get away for good.

"A river, Aun," she whispers, collapsing on top of Sesshomaru.

When they land, she pulls him off and tears open his clothing, searching for the deep gash to his heart only to find tenderly healing skin. "You?" she goes to look at Taiyomaru only to find him sound asleep with Tsukimaru in his arms.

"They healed him…but probably not enough," Harutoga comes forward and hands his mother bandages for her back.

"Rin?" Sesshomaru whispers, sounding hoarse and tired.

"I'm here." She takes his hand and puts it against her cheek, kissing his palm. "Give us some space?" she asks the children. Shiori and Yuki take Taiyomaru and Tsukimaru, followed by Harutoga away from them.

"My Rin," he mutters, swallowing.

"Why did you do that? You could have died."

"Because, I love you," he says behind closed eyelids.

She coughs out her sorrow, and pain, feeling the burn from his claws against her back. "Then why did you leave me for five years?"

"She needed me too," he says weakly.

"I needed you," Rin admits sourly, planting kiss after kiss on his palm.

Sesshomaru shakes his head and whispers, "she needed me more," and then he pauses and says almost inaudibly, "my heart? How much of myself must I give up before there is nothing left?"

"What?" she balks, not sure what he is saying.

"Safety, the lives I took that may have survived, the ability to live among my own kind, my mother…I have nothing left to give. They hated me because of you…sought my life because of you, because I chose to love you. I'm like an empty flask," he breathes out, "poured out until there is nothing left." His eyes open lazily and then close again, leaving Rin to think of what he said, that he felt empty, that he had given everything and felt so empty and alone. If only he had said it sooner.

She's hunched over the mouth of a river where the eddies swirl in silent contentment. She woke an hour before to Tsukimaru pulling her hair in strange surroundings. Shiori and Yuki have spent the morning telling her that after Taiyomaru and Tsukimaru healed Chichiue as much as they could, they were carried far away from the shrine where the demon had possessed her. By early morning, they couldn't carry them any farther and they all fell asleep by the river, leaving Rin to wake up alone and find Tsukimaru alone by the river.

Now the two girls help to bathe Sesshomaru's white haired child and clean the cuts on Rin's back. "Ow." Rin winces at the pressure of the cloth on her back.

Yuki has several cloths, wrapped into a thick ball and is sluicing the water into the claw marks in her skin. "These are deep," the little girl says as she rinses the rags and starts the process over again.

"Chichiue's claws are sharp," Rin responds rather blandly. She had not felt peace since his last words the night before. How much of myself must I give up before there is nothing left?

"You really got possessed?" Shiori asks, holding Tsukimaru around the waist and purposely keeping a barrier between him and the water. It doesn't matter that he is twenty years old, his mind is still the same as a curious toddler.

Rin nods, not wanting to relive the memory. Once a target, always a target. It's something she's grown accustomed to, something she knows is a byproduct of her relationship with Sesshomaru. She grits her teeth and squeals in pain once Yuki returns and kneads the water deeper into her flesh. "How bad is it bleeding?"

"It's drizzling," Yuki answers. "Should we put turmeric and ginger on it?"

"Do you remember how to make the paste? We ran out of the rest of the mixture from Nobuatsu didn't we?"

"A long time ago," Yuki says rather sourly.

"What's this?" Rin asks her, catching her wrist. She knows her daughter's spirit, her fire. Yuki is tired.

"I want to go home," Yuki says in a whisper. Her bottom lip trembles lightly and her lips curl up. "How long do we have to keep traveling for? I want to go back to Japan."

"I don't know," she answers softly, giving her daughter's wrist a squeeze. There is nothing easy about the life they have chosen and the children have given up on their parents ever learning to love each other again.

Rin's heart jumps into her throat at the sound of steps behind her. She grabs her kimono covering her breasts only for Yuki and Shiori to both start giggling. "It's just Sesshomaru-sama," Shiori supplies quickly.

"You scared me."

"Shiori, Yuki, take Tsukimaru back to camp. Taiyomaru and Harutoga went to find something to eat."

"Hai Chichiue," the two girls answer in unison then share a look. Shiori is mortified and covers her mouth.

Rin only chuckles. They've had the little girl for nearly twenty years but have never asked that she call them mother and father.

Sesshomaru stops next to Yuki first, kissing her brow and then looks at Shiori. "Do wish me to be your father?"

"Can I?" Shiori asks timidly.

Sesshomaru nods, melting Rin's nerves. He leans over and kisses the bat hanyou as if she was one of his daughters too. "Go on." He cocks his head to the side, dismissing them.

Shiori hefts Tsukimaru up and they both gab about how silly grownups are and how they won't behave like they do as they walk away. Rin laughs inwardly, because inevitably they will, no matter what they believe.

She begins fixing her kimono, covering the gashes on her back, but is stopped by two hands on her upper arms, pushing the material back down. "Leave it down." His finger traces a line of fire across her neck and shoulder, giving her goosebumps. "Forgive me, my heart." She can feel his eyes pressed into the notch of skin between her neck and shoulder and his breath against the high cut.

The tears come almost immediately and her hands shake against the silk material of her kimono. Fifteen years of pain and anger quickly surface as she knots her fingers through the material, unsure of what to say, but knowing whatever it is, must be said. She feels the warmth of his yoki begin to weave its way into her body and she immediately reaches behind her back to touch the top of his head. "Stop, you'll just weaken yourself."

He pushes the side of his head into her touch and from beneath her battered skin responds, "we must speak."

"I know." Tears drip off her lips. She pushes her shoulder into his eyes, trying to find comfort in his touch. For the first time in more than a decade, she finds comfort from his warm, his skin that is pressed against hers, even with it wrapped in scratchy bandages. "My love," she whispers.

"My heart," it comes out so full of emotions, that she feels broken all over again. "My heart," he says again, gripping her around the waist with one arm and the other around her chest. "My Rin." He kisses the inside of her neck and kneels on the smooth stones.

Rin's stomach lurches at his tenderness and the over emotional display where he had been so cold before. "Why?" she mutters out. "Why didn't you tell me that is how you felt?"

"I couldn't," it's choked and choppy.

She swallows the salt in her throat and weaves her fingers more tightly into his hair. "Ow!" she shrieks, feeling his tongue begin to dip into her battered flesh. "Sesshomaru that really hurts."

"Shh, my heart, I know."

"Please? Talk to…ouch…" Her nails dig into the fabric of her kimono. His tongue is coarse and hard against her flesh, separating the laceration, coating it in his saliva. It's a cross between hot kisses, until the devilish tongue slides out and makes her flinch. Then she sees it before her, the striped hand that was her anchor when the Serrow demon took her memories, that woke her briefly from the spell of the demon that possessed her. She holds his palm between her breasts, letting him heal her.

After the last lap, he finally breaks his silence. "It hurt. More than anything I have ever experienced in the past. And you're people, humans did this to us—"

"I didn't do this to you!" she protests, cut open by his words.

"You did not, but your people did."

"Do you see me as them? Is that what the last fifteen years has been about?"

"No."

"Then what is it? How can you love me enough to stab your own heart but not so that we can have what we once did?"

She feels the lump on his throat move and the audible swallow of saliva. "It was too much to bear. Natsuki understood—"

"But—"

"No, you asked me to speak, whether or not you accept what I say is," he stops and she knows he's fighting an internal war to not become ice like he was before.

"Your truth," she finally turns to face him. Their lips hang only millimeters apart. She can't help it, her forehead presses against his and she lets her kimono dangle around her waist. "Tell me."

"I have sinned against you," he begins and then their lips meet and fire burns in her belly. "You did not infect my people. You fought for our lives, to free us, to save what was left but the pain. I, even now." He takes her hand and presses it against his silks, on top of his rootlike scar, that's now marred in bandages. Then she feels it, a pain so great, as if he has lost everything and has been sucked into a precipice, that fills every vein in his body.

"My love, how are you not tears?"

Then he breaks and he covers his eyes, folding himself over onto her lap, "no time." She feels the moisture of his tears pooling between her legs, falling down her thighs. "When was there time? When my brother was ill and died? When my nephew came sick? When the hoards of ill flooded our home? When, my heart? When Natsuki feared for her family? When I found her parents and brother dead? THERE'S NOTHING LEFT!" he howls in pain.

She strokes his hair and leans over him, rubbing his back. His body shakes beneath hers and a damn opens inside of her. She cries onto his back, over the time they've waisted over the depth of his pain and how in the end this what drove them apart. Not Natsuki, not the fact that they come from two different worlds, but that a war between their species was enough to push them apart. "I still love you," she sniffles against his hear. "Even if it hurts."

"My heart." He faces away from her stomach, while the last tears roll of his nose. "I know."

And then Rin starts chuckling.

"How is this funny?"

"I would ask what do we do now? But we've been together for over thirty years." She kisses his cheek and rests her forehead against his eyes. He cups the side of her head and for a time they breathe in each other's scent. "I'm sorry. For everything, for the names I called you, the fights, for not understanding."

"I am also sorry," Sesshomaru says tenderly, and then his lips that have not upturned in years crack into a generous smile, "for pushing you away, for trying to replace you, for not sharing this with you."

"She isn't me."

"She is not, but I could not abandon her. After," he opens and closes his mouth but Rin prods him and so he continues, "we went back to her home, to find it destroyed. It was in ruins. They were all dead, her father, mother, brother. She was devastated. There was no else to comfort her, to shield her, to be her anchor. I will no longer choose between the two of you. I will always love you and be fond of her, but she also has a place in my heart."

Rin groans and sits up. "I will not share you."

"I am not asking you to."

"Then what are you asking me for?"

"She will not come between us again, but should she need me, I will come. I had to protect her and Tsukimaru."

"They're even bigger targets now. What are we going to do? We're known here now. We have to move out. I don't know who is left to save."

"The disease is moving west," Sesshomaru says.

"So we keep traveling. How long my love? The children miss home and Natsuki must miss her son."

"I don't know," he says without emotion.

"Don't shut me out again? Please?" Rin begs him. "Please? I…"

"Speak."

"I want to have what we did before, but the last ten years, they feel like a lifetime. Why does it take me getting possessed and you stabbing yourself through the heart for us to talk like this? You promised to speak your heart after Yuki was born."

"This pain was too much," he answers quickly. "Ten years? Has it been so long?"

Rin growls and slaps him playfully in the back, but he flinches and she remembers that he is still bandaged and likely healing. "Oh no! I'm sorry! Is it healing?"

"Slowly," he groans. "We will eat and then replace our herbs. Your back needs the same herbs."

"New scars," she giggles and strokes his cheek. "I want to start over."

His eyes widen in return. He sits up abruptly and it's only then Rin remembers that she is naked from the waist up. She covers her breasts, crossing her arms over her torso.

"It's nothing I haven't seen before." He rises off his knees and slides next to her on the log.

"No," she says breathily, "but—"

His lips crash into hers, wrapping around her waist and pressing their bodies together. "My love?" She pulls back searching his eyes.

"What my heart?"

"Don't shut me out again." She pushes her mouth against his, embracing his lips and hugging him around the shoulders. Her body shakes uncontrollably from the closeness of their bodies.

"Forgive me," he breathes out and their lips touch again.

The moment their torsos touch Rin flinches and pulls back, wrapping her arms around her shoulders, trying to stop her body's shivers.

"What is it my heart?" Sesshomaru rubs her shoulders. "Are you cold?"

"No," she whimpers and then meets his gaze. "We haven't done this in a very long time."

"We did it several days ago."

"Not like this." She touches his heart and closes her eyes, waiting to feel his yoki again, this time to give, not receive emotions. "I love you."

"And I you." The bond opens and she knows he's been flushed with her emotions. "You love me." He pulls her trembling form back to his. Lips run along shoulder blade, laying hot kisses that make her stomach cramp in anticipation. "I do not deserve you."

"No," she denies him and then she throws her head back as his hands explore her breasts and she sucks in sharply. "You are exactly what I need. Oh, Sesshomaru." Hot pleasure shoots through her body, starting low and then into her chest as his tongue wraps around her left nipple. Breathing becomes labored and she can barely think. He has always been deft with his tongue. It's a cross between coarse and soft, running from side to side, nibbling on both nipples and she holds him around the shoulders.

He nips down the center of her stomach and she stops him just before he parts the rest of her kimono. She picks up his chin and leans down kissing his lips. "You are what I always needed, Sesshomaru. Always."

"Forever," he groans, rolling his head between her legs. She spreads for him, arching her back but as she does, she falls over the other side of the log, nearly hitting her head but is caught by Sesshomaru.

It makes her laugh like she is young again. She's set down gently, with his mokomoko winding a trail beneath her body, cushioning her from the rocks. He steps over the log and unties his hakama, letting them fall, only leaving the tattered clothes that cover his chest. "My heart," he whispers as he covers her and once again she starts shaking at his touch. "Are you scared?"

Once again, his mouth slides down her body, warming her to his touch. "N-n-n-nooooo," she moans. Her hips slide up to meet his face and this time, she parts for him, letting her legs fold to the sides. It's then his tongue slides between her folds and she stares at the bright blue sky as fire flushes her veins. "My love, please?" She holds a hand out, reaching for his.

"What is it my heart? You taste apprehensive."

"It feels new, even if we have many times in the last thirty years. It's been a decade since it has been like this."

"Love," he mutters against her lower lips and then covers her bud again, giving her the hand she wants.

Their fingers lace and the moans come louder and louder. He laps and she wants to cry, but the children will hear. Each swirl of his tongue, is as if he is writing a love letter that they've missed for fifteen years. Her hips rise higher, wanting more from him. He slides two fingers inside slowly massaging her folds. "You're wet." His nose slides up her slit then back down until he encapsulates her bud again. "My heart, finish." He works his fingers faster, pumping her core until she can't contain herself and he replaces it with his shaft.

"Uh!" she groans at his entry.

"I love you." Their mouths meet and their bodies slide against each other, both a dance so familiar and so foreign. She spreads her knees wide, wrapping her legs around his backside to push him further, giving back what he has given to her. He penetrates deeply, releasing low growls that become louder and louder. Yoki explodes into her awareness a breath of life and love and he collapses, leaving her wet inside. "How I love you," and then he adds, "absolution."

"I forgive you," she cries. "I do. Don't do that again. I'm not going to live long enough to see them grown, they need you."

"Do not allow bitterness to blacken your heart again."

"Then don't make me bitter."

They both start laughing. Sesshomaru gathers Rin into his arms. "My heart. I will not hide from you again."

And Nina…Nina cries finally understanding that despite how different and painful their lives were, one thing was constant, their love. "You understand now…" Rin fades leaving Nina behind.

Please review :) You know I love when you do.

One more chapter and we're done. (finally) I believe it's Sesshomaru-Present

Responses to Reviews:

I'm on the tired side tonight, so I won't respond individually. I believe the general consensus is, finish posting already dammit, you finished the damn story and you're holding out on us. Watch Yashahime (not happening). I hate you evil Elo on the block lists meanie head no one should be reading you if they're a true fan so we're going to send the stalker brigade to anonymously spam your story with reviews that you post in discord and everyone giggles about. And this is sooo bittersweet. Personally after knowing how Yashahime ends, I will take this Sesshomaru that grew into being capable of showing Sesshomaru and this Rin who is badass any day. I love how devoted to their kids and each other they are. I love that they got to have those family moments and there was no power imbalance.

I've been slow posting, mostly because personal life was/is insane. A feature of my life that is not going away anytime soon. Let's be honest, the pandemic is only now winding down in my neck of the world. But now we're faced with supply shortages. I've been working on writing originals and my two new MCs have taken up no joke about 500,000 words, spread across so far 6 books, of what will likely be a 7 or 8 book series. I have big plans for another original that will be a stand alone love story. I'm entertaining the idea of writing an Inuyasha themed Married at First Sight. I'm deeply into Wheel of Time so that has been dabbling a bit with that. So hopefully, I'll get the next chapter finished, because I don't know where the actual end ended up and get it posted in a few weeks.

Anyway thank you to everyone who stuck through thick and thin with me. It's been wonderful. This series will always hold a special place in my heart.