And not a short chapter, hurrah!
It'll probably be a week before I can get to this fic again. I hope this will last you... ;-)
Hermione risked only a glance to them as Ron and Lavender ate each other's faces over the dinner table. They'd been on and off since she and Ron and parted in September. Three months later –and a plethora of side relationships— and they were once again putting the Gryffindors off their dessert.
Lavender was tenacious, Hermione would give her that.
"You're lucky," Ginny muttered, stabbing a spoon into the last of her sticky toffee pudding. "You'll be up on the High Table come New Year."
"I'll still see them."
"Yes, but you won't hear them."
Hermione snorted and pressed her hand to her mouth. "No, no that's true." She poured herself another cup of tea and wrapped her cold fingers around the warmed mug. "Though if they are together, at least they're not doubling the noise with other people."
Ginny smirked. "The one blessing." She winced as the rather disturbing sucking sound cut through the general and loud chatter around the table.
Hermione waggled her eyebrows. "You can always escape to Luna's table…"
"I can, can't I?" Ginny's brown eyes were devilishly bright. Her gaze slid to the Ravenclaw table, where Luna sat eating her pudding and idly weaving magic through the air with her fingers. Ginny's expression softened and she let out a soft sigh. "She brings me a sense of peace, you know? I finally feel that I can just…breathe when I'm with her."
Hermione did know. In her quiet moments with Severus, it had been simply that. Just…peace.
Ginny put her spoon across her plate and winced at the sudden fierce and slurpy suction emitting from her brother. She frowned at Hermione. "You kissed him?"
She didn't that reminder and shuddered. At least their physical contact had been short-lived. And private. "Never like that."
Ginny laughed and pushed herself away from the table. "That's a relief. Ready to go?"
"More than ready." Hermione clambered over the bench. It was only just after five. Merlin's little green apples, the day was dragging.
"How's your hunt going?"
Ron lurched out of the shadows of an archway. The thick stink of cheap firewhiskey hung around him, coupled with a sharp stab of Lavender's flowery perfume.
Hermione pulled in a breath. He was hurting. She told herself that every day as she watched him lurch from one war-hero-groupie to the next, always ending back with the ever-accepting Lavender. But it wasn't as if she had had her life plans crushed too. Even if she hoped something would…progress with Severus, soon, at the minute, there were no babies in her future. None.
That first image of Severus holding Hope, only weeks old, the look of wonder on his face, caught her again. His long finger stroking a velvet smooth cheek… Shit, she could still feel the swift aching stab in her belly. And now it was a want for their child.
Her lips pinched together. But, even with her new found hope, Severus could still see her as his friend and his heart, his heart was bound and buried with another witch.
"Not found anyone stupid enough to be up to their eyeballs in nappies for fifteen years?"
"It's not even seven o'clock, Ron. Really, go and sleep it off…"
"It was supposed to be you and me." He banged a fist to his chest, his face mottled red. He stumbled forward and she stepped back. He didn't notice. "That future. Fame and money."
"Money is useful, but I've never wanted fame."
He wasn't listening to her either. "Not…babies." He hissed the word and something in Hermione's heart cracked. If she ever got her wish, her friendship with Ron would be truly over. It was already teetering on the very edge… "Why would you want babies?" He glared at her. "Alls they do is shit and puke and squawl. Bleed you dry. Ruin your life." He shook his head. "You were supposed to be better than that. Muggle, not witch. Fuck, all witches ever want is to pop out one brat after another."
The crack in her chest deepened. "That was why you were with me?"
He snorted a laugh. "'Course. Easy sex. No real ties."
Hermione pressed her hand to her mouth to deny a sudden sob. Yes, she'd had her confusion over Severus at the beginning of the summer, but she had loved Ron at that time. And she thought he'd felt the same. Had she just been an uncomplicated notch? She blinked. Was how he treated Lavender his plan for her? "Get away from me, Ronald Weasley!"
"Mione…?" He held out a damp hand and staggered into the wall.
Something ached in his so-blue eyes. A pain. A loss. If he'd agreed to children, she was now staring at her future. Fights. Drinking. His hating, loathing of their children for a denial of a life he thought he deserved.
"Go to bed, Ron. The drink is talking through you."
He growled, swore and lurched upright. "No one will have you. You're mental to think anyone would put up with you and your rat's nested brats!"
He stumbled off into the shadows of the corridor, swearing and cursing. Hermione sank to the step and fought the need to sob. Minutes bleed away as she stared –sightless— at the wall. Ron was right. No one would want her. Her and her insane plan for a tribe of laughing, screeching little boys and girls…
A cry caught in her throat.
"Miss Granger?"
Hermione buried her face in her hands. No. Not him. Not now. Why could he never see her at her best? Why did the infuriating man always have to find her when she was teetering on the edge of an emotional breakdown?
"Hermione…?"
A sob broke from her then. And why couldn't he be the old Severus Snape? One who'd sneer and take points and never let her live it down? Rather than using his velvet soft voice to give the impression that he cared?
Her thoughts lurched and she dug her fingers into her scalp. She loved this man. And he, he did care. He was her friend. Her belly turned over and she looked at her watch. Seven thirty. Oh gods. She had missed meeting him. She scrubbed her fingers and palms over her face and was all too aware that she looked a sight. "I'm so sorry, Severus."
Her gaze darted upwards, nervous. Worried. Did he think that she'd –oh gods— that she'd stood him up? And would he take it as a sign that she wasn't interested?
Hermione shoved down the wild thunder of panic and willed herself to focus. She couldn't read his expression. There was only a sliver of moonlight gilding him, his face was still in shadow.
"Tea," he said, and stepped back. He waved his arm out to the corridor. "If you please?"
Hermione jerked a nod and followed the familiar path to the secret door that opened into his rooms. Had his voice sounded strained? Terse? Or just its the normally quiet smoothness? She couldn't tell. Her thoughts were a mad whirl.
She'd blast Ron with every foul curse she knew if he'd spoilt her chance with Severus. She pressed a hand to her mouth, the memory of Ron's words, his derision, burning across her thoughts again. Bastard.
She'd not once derided his choices. Not once.
The Headmaster was a warm darkness at her back. He pressed a hand to the ancient door and it swung open on silent hinges. He ushered her to the deep, wingback chair she thought of as hers. A few minutes of bustle and she was sitting back with a delicate, bone china cup and breathing in the lightly scented steam of freshly brewed tea.
Seconds ticked by and Severus allowed her to stare into the great hearth at the flickering flames. He knew her well enough to let her gather her thoughts. He didn't push. And for that she was grateful. Even if she'd hoped that their meeting would a world away from this shambles.
"It was Ron." She released a long sigh. "He," she couldn't find it in herself to admit that he was well on his way to being drunk, "he shared his thoughts on my future plans."
"Mr Weasley is spending the rest of his evening with Mr Filch. And will find his nights until the end of next term quite…full." He looked at her over the rim of his cup and her face grew hot. "He staggered past me. Hardly the best example to the younger years."
"Did you hear…?" Hermione pressed her lips together.
Severus winced. "Hermione—"
"He's right, of course. I make plans that would find a better home in the Byzantine court."
"Not that Mr Weasley would make that allusion."
Hermione huffed a laugh. "No. Quite right." She stared into her cup and willed away the tightness in her chest…with little success. "It's like a weight, pressing on me." She pushed a white-knuckled fist to her breastbone. "Every day." Her lips quirked up in a wry smile. "My mother warned me from an early age. The Collier ache, she called it." Her gaze flicked up and met Severus' dark, unjudging gaze. "Her maiden name."
She looked back to her cup. "My mother has five sisters and two brothers. And they all have great swathes of children. Due to complications when I was born, my mother couldn't have any more children. My parents thought to adopt…but then my magic manifested and they couldn't risk…"
Hermione closed her eyes and counted the slowing, slowing beats of her heart. "That was the hardest memory to bring back. I believe it's why she jumped at your offer. And they're so happy now."
"You are only nineteen, Hermione." His voice was a soft murmur into the silence that followed. "Plans can be adapted. You will have your quidditch team yet."
Another smile tugged at her mouth. An insane thought sparked, and it burned on her tongue to ask if he was offering…
Her smile faded and a stone dropped into her belly. But he wasn't offering, was he? He'd heard everything. Had he changed his mind about her, about a possible them? Had hearing again that she wanted a horde of children put him off? The reminder he needed. He had Hope, after all.
And there would be no one for her. She could never find that wizard.
Hermione had no illusions. She knew how others viewed her. As Ron had before they broke up. As he'd just said… Hermione Granger, book-focused, with little time for her looks or children. Too clever. Not…girlish. And she was certain most of her peers would react with Ron's horror to her need. That much was obvious. There'd not been a hint, even a sniff of interest from a wizard in her year. Not one.
Severus was reacting in just the same way, behind his mask of politeness.
Hermione looked to the pale surface of her tea. Well, it was best she know that about him too. Though her silly heart was already tied fast to him.
She held back a sigh. The wizarding world was insular and her pick of wizards was limited. Especially ones who would be willing to father so many.
She sipped her tea, her insides cold. So much hope and possibility had taken her through the day. Now it was all gone. "Who would want me? Who would be willing to walk into such an arrangement?"
Hermione looked at him, allowing herself to indulge in those illicit feelings that had chased her since the summer. The last play of them before she tucked them away forever.
He was tall, lithe…elegant. Firelight flickered over his pale skin. He looked healthier than he ever had, his inky black hair smooth and clean and curling over the collar of his frockcoat.
His hands. Long fingered and strong and for a wild moment she imagined him stroking her jaw and teasing a caress down the column of her throat. The rapid jump in her pulse came with a regretful ache.
Coal-black eyes held hers. Calm. Controlled. And the pain in her heart deepened. She did love the wizard who had come out from under two megalomaniacs.
Severus hadn't answered her question. Did she expect him to? For a long moment, he stared back into his cup and his Adam's apple bobbed. He looked up. "I would."
Hermione blinked. Only a fierce grip on her nerves let her put the cup back down on its saucer with a slight rattle. She sat back and her fingers knotted in her lap. Severus' expression hadn't changed, still thoughtful and calm. His control was incredible. She envied him.
"Is…is that an offer, Severus?"
His lips tipped up at the corners. "A promise. Come the summer, if your plans have not progressed, I offer myself to you in marriage."
Her heart squeezed and her breath caught. A surge of delighted hope raced through her blood, new and fast and hotter than that morning's surge. The quiet statement, so like the man she had come to know in the past few months, spun through her thoughts. Numerous questions bubbled up and one broke free. "Why?"
"I'd given up all hope of having a family." A trace of a smile touched his mouth. "Though I do have Hope." He put his cup down and straightened in his chair. "Marriage to me would not interfere with your apprenticeship to Septima. And we are…companionable, are we not?"
Companionable.
The single word was a stab to her heart. Was this simply a…favour?
"Could you honestly see yourself with so many children?"
His firm lips quirked upwards and the idea of kissing him hurtled into her brain. It was her only thought. What would be taste like…? Was he a good kisser? She wrenched her wayward thoughts back. He was offering companionship. Even in her mind, the word spat with bitterness.
"I can and I would aim to be a better man than my father." Anger flickered briefly in his eyes. "Not a great stretch. But I want to be honest and fair."
Severus wet his lips and brought Hermione's traitorous thoughts back to kissing. "I could show little goodwill towards any of my pupils whilst I was a spy." He glanced around the shadowed arches of his sitting room. "And this school demands discipline. Hundreds of wild, hormonal children with magic, a wand, and without two sensible thoughts to rub together in their empty little skulls? Without a firm hand, it would be a disaster."
Hermione gave him a mock glare. "We're not all a rampage of stupidity."
He lifted an eyebrow and humour shone in his dark eyes. "I will allow one or two exceptions. Miss Lovegood, for example."
Hermione's eyebrow matched his and her mouth thinned. "Luna?"
"She is a credit to her House."
Something stirred in Hermione's chest and it felt uncomfortably like jealousy. Her fingers laced together and she fought not to knot them. It didn't concern her that the Headmaster thought so highly of Luna Lovegood.
His smile had deepened and she didn't want to see how it lit his endless eyes. "Of course, I no longer consider you a pupil here, Hermione."
He was teasing her.
Hermione bit her bottom lip. She wanted to fall into this. To agree to marry him. To bind her life to him. But the thought of it being one sided was abhorrent. She lifted an eyebrow. "Then I have more than two sensible thoughts to rub together?"
"Oh, five at least."
His soft laughter transformed his face. Her heart turned over, her mouth drying. Merlin, help her, he was beautiful. And damn it, she wanted to be selfish. She loved him. She would adore their children. She would have his friendship. It would be enough. It would. It would.
"Yes."
His laughter died away. "Hermione?"
"I accept your offer of marriage."
His mouth opened and no words came out. She had made Severus Snape speechless. He closed his mouth and rubbed his hands together, before dropping down into the opposite chair. "There are still seven months until the end of the school year. You could easily find…"
"I know every boy here. And they know me. Possibly." She winced. "Not really." She let out a long breath and willed herself to give him a way out. Her heart was a stone in her chest as she asked, "I want you to be sure."
"I am."
A spiral of magic swirled between them, the gleaming gold of a ful and binding betrothal spell. It skittered cool and swift over her skin, wrapping around her fingers, before sweeping over her chest…and she gasped as it rose to flash over her face. Her heart drummed. She breathed quickly, willing her pulse to slow to control the panic that edged her nerves.
"Unexpected," Severus murmured and there was a quickness to the word and his cheeks were flushed. He stretched his fingers and a spark of magic flared. "It seems we've come to an agreement."
The betrothal spell proved they were both sincere in their wish to marry. Hermione had researched all aspects of wizarding marriage and they had entered into a binding wizarding oath. Only an application to the Office of Magical Births, Deaths and Marriages could undo the spell. But she didn't want that. Not for one second.
She drew in a breath and a lightness filled her. The weight on her chest had vanished. Completely. Finally, she could breathe. She grinned at him and he blinked. "It is a little shocking."
She shook her head. Practical. She was practical Hermione Granger. She cursed the fact she didn't have her binder with her, every note listed and cross-referenced. She lifted her chin and saw the spark of amusement flicker across Severus' face.
"Ask your questions…Hermione."
"How…?" He knew her. Had taught her. Of course he knew she'd have a ream of questions. "Where would be live?
"Hogwarts will provide." He sat back and steepled his fingers at his mouth. "I would like to keep that as a…surprise."
Her belly did a little flip. At his answer, or the gleam of his eyes and the elegant lean of his body, she didn't know. It didn't help with her next question. "Do you wish to…become intimate before we're married?" Her lips pressed together hard and the brief flare of pain fixed her thoughts. Her inexperience grated. "I have not…" Her face burned and she was relieved to find a hint of pink topping Severus' high cheekbones. "Ron and I broke up before it went that far."
"I want to court you, Hermione. And whilst to others that would involve sex, I wish to wait."
That voice softly murmuring the word 'sex' deepened the heat in her cheeks. Want thrummed through her flesh. Desiring her husband would not be a problem. But was it for him? She knew about Lily Evans. It quickly stabbed at her that she would never have this man's heart.
"Hermione?"
She looked to him and worked a brief smile. "I understand." Was it tradition, his honour that made him want to wait? The idea of his not truly wanting her chased away every scrap of joy. Pained words broke from her. "This isn't…obligation, is it, Severus?"
"What? No!"
The vehemence of his reply eased away the tightness in her chest. Severus knelt before her and took her cold hands in his. "I admit, that offering marriage was not my intention tonight. But seeing your dispair... I couldn't stop myself." He huffed a soft laugh, but he squeezed her fingers as she looked away from him. "No, tonight was meant to go...differently."
He brought her hands to his mouth and dropped kisses to her fingers. Her heart pounded and she stared at him, her breath caught.
"I want you, Hermione. I have since the summer."
Hermione wet dried lips. "You have?"
His fingers caressed her jaw, a feather-light touch that caused her eyelids to flutter shut. The bliss of it. Sweet and golden.
The first brush of his lips broke a gasp from her. Light. Warm. The hint of his breath, of the taste of his skin. Wanted. All of it wanted. Needed… And she chased after his touch as he drew back, a mewl of protest making him grin. Obsidian eyes glinted. Oh, this wizard was a tease.
His thumb pressed against her bottom lip, that black gaze fixing there before meeting her eyes. "I promise," his voice was heat and velvet, "I will never leave you wanting, Hermione."
Her own nervous fingers stroked along the sharp edge of his jaw. Smooth and soft. He'd shaved for her… "Severus, gods."
And then she was kissing him, her fingers threaded in his hair, wanting him closer, wanting more. Cursing her clothes —a tight skirt that trapped her knees and didn't allow her to press herself close—
"Hermione!"
His hands were firm on her shoulders and he was pushing her back. His hair was a mess. His mouth plumped, face pinked and his chest lifting with quick breaths. He looked…delicious.
"Did you just growl at me?"
Had she? Oh gods, she had. Her head dipped. How to look like the immature nineteen year old she so obviously was by behaving no better than Ronald Weasley and all but tackling him to the floor. She winced, her gaze caught on the strained seams of her skirt…
"Severus, I'm sorry, I just…" Her shoulders slumped and Severus' hands eased away
"Then I take it the interest is…mutual?"
Hermione blinked. Did he think she was using him to gain a clutch of babies? "Of course it is!" She groaned. "Oh, I could happily curse Ron Weasley. He made a mess of my night. And this too."
She drew a snaking line between the buttons of his frockcoat, his body heat there, tantalisingly under her fingertip. Severus watched her with narrowed eyes.
"Though…would I have had the chance to kiss you quite so quickly? Possibly not. So I win." She leant forward and dropped another kiss on his softly parted lips, drawing in a deep breath and letting it out on a happy sigh. "For the record. I want to marry you and I will happily adore you and all our children. I think that's quite clear now, isn't it?"
Severus stared at her. "Adore…?"
And then he was kissing her again. For quite some time.
Oh dear, now our impulsive couple have to tell everyone...
