Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or NCIS or any of their characters. I do however own this story, I wrote it and I do NOT give permission for anyone to post it anywhere else. If you want to share it post a link.
"Do you want to go out tonight?" Tim asked feeling restless.
"Sure, where would you like to go?" Hadrian asked cheerfully though he couldn't help but wish Tim was asking him on a date instead of suggesting going out as friends.
"There's a new club Ziva was telling me about" Tim suggested.
"I'm not much of a dancer and I don't drink alcohol" Hadrian said awkwardly.
"Not at all?" Tim asked surprised.
"No" Hadrian didn't offer an explanation, what could he say, 'it interferes with my control of my magic to drink too much', or even worse 'I'm not actually of age here in America'. It hadn't taken long for Hadrian to realise that Tim thought he was at least twenty-three or four. He hadn't intended to mislead him when he'd originally spoken of coming of age and with the war and everything he felt more like he was middle-aged than twenty. The truth was that the last time he'd had anything to drink was the night he was attacked with the child bearing spell. Hadrian doubted that he would ever feel safe enough to let his guard down like that in public again.
"So clubbing really isn't your thing" Tim said.
Hadrian wasn't a fan of clubbing and he would rather have a muggle root canal without the anaesthetic than spend the evening watching Tim flirt with women and try to pick one up to bring home with him. He decided that he needed to at least tell the man about his sexual orientation even though he had no hope that Tim would be interested in him that way. "No, and to be honest Tim, even if I wanted to go to a club I don't think you'd want to go to the same sort of clubs as I would" Hadrian said nervously.
Tim laughed "Abby's dragged me to every Goth and Grunge rock club in DC, Hades, I think I could handle whatever type of music you wanted to listen to."
"Yeah and I know how much you hate those nights. I don't want you to hate going out to a club with me" Hadrian was distracted into protesting.
"I've heard the radio stations you choose to listen to when you're by yourself. I admit I prefer more modern jazz but I promise that it wouldn't be a hardship to spend the night out with you if you found a club with music like that" Tim replied. "You haven't met many people since you've moved here. I think a night of light-hearted drinking and flirting would do you good."
Hadrian blushed "If you want me to flirt and try to pick up then I'd probably want to go to a gay Club" he mumbled to his feet not sure if he wanted Tim to hear him or not. He tried to hide the hurt he felt at his friend suggesting they both go out and try to hook up.
Tim looked confused, "But didn't you tell me that you were engaged to a girl."
"Yeah! But... it's complicated..." He looked up and saw that Tim was waiting for him to explain and sighed. "She was the only girl I ever thought I could love other than Hermione who is now married to our other best friend Ginny's brother, and I'm not sure now that I actually loved either of them in more than a sisterly sort of way. Hermione and Ron were sweet on each other from the age of fourteen so I never even considered her as a potential girlfriend. I was orphaned as an infant and my only living relatives turned me loose as soon as I came of age refusing to acknowledge me as family. I desperately wanted to be normal and the Weasleys were so great to me when I was younger I guess I thought that if I married Ginny I'd really belong to their family and we'd have lots of kids too and besides I think they'd been giving..." Hadrian realised he was rambling and cut himself off before he mentioned the love and lust potions he suspected Ginny and the Weasleys had been feeding him.
"So you're saying you're more gay than bisexual?" Tim asked acceptingly. "It's lucky you never actually married your fiancé then."
"Yeah! What? You're okay with me being gay?" Hadrian exclaimed surprised Tim had accepted him so readily.
Tim laughed. "Hades no totally straight guy would ever have been okay sharing a bed like we do. I don't know why I didn't realise that before tonight it would have saved us both some confusion" Tim explained surprised his friend didn't know this.
"That means you're..." Hadrian blushed and didn't continue not wanting to insult his friend if he was wrong.
"I'm bisexual, though I've never been on the receiving end of penetrative sex with a man and I have strictly only dated women since I joined NCIS" Tim replied calmly.
Hadrian was confused. "Why?"
"I'm not opposed to the idea in theory but I've never trusted anyone enough to bottom for them" Tim said blushing.
"No I mean why did you stop dating blokes when you joined NCIS?" Hadrian asked blushing as well.
"NCIS is the Naval Criminal Investigative Service, the Navy has a strict policy called 'Don't ask, Don't Tell' which means that they accept in theory that there are homosexual and bisexual service men and women but bans openly gay or lesbian behaviour" Tim explained.
"So you're allowed to be gay so long as you don't have sex? They can't expect you to be celibate?" Hadrian asked confused and horrified.
"No more like you can be gay so long as nobody in the chain of command knows about it and you dotn do anything to draw attention to it" Tim replied.
Hadrian just looked at him.
"Sounds stupid huh?" Tim smiled. "Officially NCIS is a civilian agency but because we work closely with the Navy and the Marines the policy has sort of bled over to us as well. And law enforcement in general often responds badly to homosexual officers."
Hadrian nodded "Yeah but if you're allowed to be gay then why..." he trailed off in embarrassment.
"It's just easier. Officially they're not allowed to discriminate so long as I stay in the cupboard but with teammates like Tony and Ziva if I dated a man they'd find out and Abby would find out and..."
"You still love her?" Hadrian interrupted hurting.
Tim thought a moment wanting to give a totally honest answer. "No I don't love her anymore, I'm not sure I ever really did, but when Abby knows a secret then the whole building will know within hours. I don't want to lose my job. There must be a reason there are no openly gay men or women at NCIS headquarters."
"Do your teammates know about me?" Hadrian asked. "I mean that you met me or that we're friends, and that you don't spend all your time at home on your own. That I'm practically living here."
Tim shrugged "Probably not. I haven't told them anything and I don't think they've broken in and searched the place while you've been living here. The building is too large for them to sit outside and keep track of arrivals and departures."
Hadrian looked shocked that Tim could accept that level of nosiness and lack of respect for his privacy so casually.
"They've always done it. There is nothing I can do about it, so I may as well accept it. Up until now there's been nothing here that I want to keep from them. The main reason I haven't told them about you is because I didn't want them invading your privacy like that, or digging into your past. Particularly since you left Britain for your own protection I didn't want them accidently asking the wrong people about you and letting them know where you are."
Hadrian grinned at the thought that it was probably the mild ill intent wards he'd cast around the outside of the apartment building that was discouraging Tony and Ziva from snooping. The wards were highly illegal for Hadrian to cast on a building he didn't own but he figured the owner wasn't likely to complain about the decrease in crime and vandalism in his building even if they were discovered.
"So if we went to a gay bar together would I be your wingman or your date?" Tim asked returning to the original subject of their conversation and trying to sound casual even though his heart was beating faster than it ever had before without being shot at.
Hades looked confused. "What's a wingman?" He asked.
"A wingman is someone you hang out with in the hope it will help you both pick up someone, mostly used to pick up girls because pretty girls almost never go out on their own" Tim explained hiding his hurt that Hades hadn't immediately said he wanted to go on a date with him.
"You want to help me pick up someone else?" Hades asked trying to hide how much the idea hurt like a knife in his heart.
"If that's what you want" Tim said his heart also aching at the idea.
"What if I just want to hang out together? Would that be okay?" Hadrian asked nervously, not finding the courage to ask for the date he wanted.
"That would be fine" Tim said smiling. "You'd have to buy a couch and stuff for your apartment before you can bring someone home anyway."
Hadrian laughed slightly uneasily. He had furniture still shrunk in his luggage because he didn't spend enough time in his own apartment to be bothered to set it all up, he just couldn't explain that to Tim. Not that he had any interest in sleeping up there most of the time unless Tim was unhappy about him being in his flat all the time.
"I'd need to sleep upstairs if you wanted to bring someone home too. Having me here is cramping your style. I'm sorry! I didn't realise. I've tried not to. You should have just told me" Hadrian said trying to sound contrite.
"You aren't" Tim reassured him. "I'm not really into one night stands and the hours I work make relationships difficult. I'm glad you're here and I don't have to come home to an empty apartment every night."
"Yeah but don't you want more than a casual friend sharing your bed?" Hadrian asked uncertainly.
"You mean marriage and a family. Somehow I don't think that's in my future" Tim replied sadly. "I don't have the best luck with women."
"It doesn't have to be a woman" Hadrian said.
"Hadrian, I virtually work for the navy. I can't be openly in a relationship with a man" Tim explained regretfully. "Not to mention my father would probably disown me completely. Not that I'd care about that too much, but he'd try to stop Mom and Sarah from having anything to do with me. And My Mom will do what she tells him."
Seeing the heartbreak that crossed Tim's face at that idea Hadrian hugged him tightly.
"What if you met someone that was prepared to keep it a secret, to pretend you were only friends?" he asked wondering if Tim would ever consider a relationship with him.
"Secrets like that eat at your soul Hades" Tim said heavily. "I've been in a relationship like that in high school and watching him pretend to flirt with girls really hurt. I began to feel that he was ashamed of me and if he was ashamed it had to be because something was wrong with me and the way we felt." Feeling like that about you would break me.
Hadrian hugged Tim tightly. "There's nothing wrong with you" he said firmly. "What if it doesn't have to be totally secret. I mean that there are people out there that understand this navy Don't Ask Don't Tell thing and would agree to keep a relationship private and away from your work but still admit that you are together to your friends away from work."
"I can't see anyone accepting that long term though Hades" Tim said negatively. "It would take someone with a lot of confidence in themselves and our relationship to not be hurt or become insecure in a relationship like that. I know I would be if the situation was reversed."
Hadrian nodded. Added to the secrets he'd have to keep having a relationship with a muggle it could easily turn into a disaster. He'd have to consider that before he decided whether he could pursue a relationship with Tim.
"Let's just watch a movie or something tonight. We could go out on Saturday if neither of us catch a case" Hadrian suggested.
Tim smiled and nodded, "I'm actually in the mood to write" he said.
Hadrian smiled. "You write then, I have a book I want to read. One of the guys at work loaned it to me."
-o0o-
Hadrian found himself using his time-turner just to spend a lot of time alone in his own apartment thinking things through over the next few days. He finally got around to unshrinking the rest of his furniture and unpacking his things, using the mindless tasks to help him stay grounded as he thought about the realities of a relationship with Tim.
On one hand he'd never met anyone he liked better than the NCIS agent, not only was he incredibly attracted to the man but Tim had become his best friend, easily usurping Ron and Hermione's place in his life. He could no longer imagine a life worth living that didn't have Tim in it even if it was only as a best friend.
On the other hand, there was the statute of secrecy, he was already having to lie or fudge the truth a little nearly every day and he hated himself for it. If they actually got together that would only get worse. And if they ever reached the stage of making a permanent commitment and being able to tell Tim about magic, Tim was too good an investigator not to realise that meant that Hadrian had been lying to him to keep magic a secret from him. Could Tim ever forgive him for that? And even if he did, would he still trust Hadrian enough for them to build a successful lifelong relationship?
Hadrian found it slightly ironic that he had the extremely homophobic Dursleys to thank for being able to be in his current situation with Tim. If he hasn't been raised in the muggle world he never would have been able to consider living with a muggle. He either would have broken the statute of secrecy I. The first day or two or had Tim convinced he'd escaped from a lunatic asylum. He also found it odd that Hermione who had parents that loved her, had attended summer school to keep up with her muggle subjects and actually had enough A levels to go to university and had a couple of friends in the muggle world found it so impossible to move back into it when he who had no reason not to hate everything about his muggle upbringing found it so much easier than living in the wizarding world had been. Though he did now understand her reluctance to date a muggle.
Then there was the secrecy Tim was talking about. Hadrian was sure at the moment that he didn't care if Tim never told his work colleagues about their relationship. Except there was this little voice in the back of his mind that said that he would care, no matter how well he understood the reasons behind it. He was already slightly hurt by the knowledge that Tim had never talked about him of their friendship with anyone at work. If they were together would that start to fester? Would he start doubting Tim's feelings for him because of Tim's inability to tell the other important people in his life? And how would holidays and celebrations work if the team expected Tim to celebrate with them. Would he leave Hadrian alone while he went out with the team in order to keep their relationship secret? Would they celebrate Christmas together early every year and go their own ways on the actual holiday.
While Hadrian struggled to come up with a solution he could live with, Tim was filled with the same doubts. How could he commit to Hadrian without telling his family or his colleagues? How would Hadrian see how important he was to Tim if he could only share such a small part of Tim's life? Tim already wanted to know more about the people Hades worked with but Hades had been extremely reticent about them saying he was still moving about working with different groups, TADing looking for a place he'd fit best within the FBI as well as completing assignments for MI-7 when they came up.
He'd been interested to meet the team Hades had been working with during the one case they'd shared, and disappointed to realise they weren't his usual team. How much worse would it be for Hades who had met his team in passing but wasn't able to really talk to them. He'd felt guilty when he found out Hades had admitted to his team that he knew Tim when Tim hadn't said anything to his own team. Hades hadn't seemed to mind; he'd even used a false name to hide the fact he was Tim's friend after pissing Gibbs off. But would he care next time, if they were together and he denied knowing him or pretended they were merely friends? Would he be hurt by Tim's reluctance to break the rules and acknowledge their relationship? And what would happen next time Abby demanded he go out with her. Hades was already furious about her dragging him to horrific concerts and parties where nobody talked to him. How much worse would it be if jealousy was added to the mix. He remembered how it felt in High School watching his boyfriend take a girl to school dances to maintain his reputation. He couldn't survive if Hades did that to him and he couldn't even stomach the idea of doing that to Hades.
-o0o-
On Saturday Tim took him to a bar he used to go to. "It's been a while since I've been here so I hope it hasn't changed too much" he said.
Hadrian looked around curiously. It was a lot like the local pubs he and Ron had liked back home, though the appearance of age was most likely faked here. There were no flashing lights or barely dressed young girls or men. There were darts in the corner and a small dance area in another. The music was mostly 90's popular tunes, loud enough to dance to but not too loud as to impede conversation. It was the sort of place people could be themselves and Hadrian and Tim in their jeans and button down shirts fit right in though Hadrian was obviously the youngest person present.
Tim laughed when Hades was carded trying to buy Tim a glass of wine. Luckily his ID was magical and the bartender saw what Hadrian wanted him to see. Hadrian stuck to ginger ale.
"Can I ask why you don't drink?" Tim asked hesitantly.
"I was attacked one night leaving the bar and was injured quite badly because my reflexes were a little slower than they normally are" Hadrian replied. "Being out with you makes me feel safe but I'd rather not be in public unless I'm 100% sober. Not that I miss it actually, I was never much of a drinker."
"Would you like to play pool?" Tim asked. "I'm not very good, but it can be fun."
"I'm not very good either" Hadrian said agreeing cheerfully. They headed over and proceeded to have fun playing, though both had clearly been honest about not being any good.
"Do you play darts?" Hadrian asked.
"Ziva's been teaching me to throw knives. She's getting frustrated with me being so slow learning and I think that trying to play darts might make that worse" Tim replied.
"I could teach you" Hadrian said quietly, "or at least help you practice."
"Don't tell me that's what you've been doing up in your apartment. You'll never get your bond back throwing knives at the walls" Tim exclaimed.
Hadrian laughed. "I set up a target. Besides it's not like the walls are worth protecting. I can fix another couple of dozen holes without much more effort than the holes already there."
"So no darts then, would you like to dance?" Tim offered.
Hadrian looked over at the dance floor and saw no groups of friends but several couples slow dancing. "You want to dance with me like that?" He asked blushing. "I don't think our feet would survive it."
Tim looked over. "Oh!" He said blushing. "Maybe we should wait for something less romantic." He liked the idea of holding Hades like that but didn't want to risk his friend freaking out on public of he didn't feel the same.
Hadrian laughed.
They headed back to the bar and got another drink but Tim really didn't feel comfortable drinking in front of Hadrian when he didn't drink so headed home to watch a movie.
A/N: Thank you to charm13insomnia, icyquest4, julschristine975, Locket1, Firehedgehog, Maben00, xDarklightx, DS2010, Demonica-Death, buterflypuss, Lientjuhh, gaul1, Almonda, Silvermane1, acherongoddess, Rori Potter, lillisa34, eyann85, gabrieljuarezl, Ashawyn Frost, NarutoSlayer, ThatHungryDude, LadyKakashi89, wolfypunkprincess, catlyncarson, ekabw97, Naussicaa44, Makayla.D12, , Ky Tran, Anzobre, tigereyes24, Lumpster, Wolfinn, Gracie15Trowa, ArtemisaLilianVestaNightshade, UnRealityCheck, AmIToBe, MyGoshYou'reRude, Q-vadis, ffchen sarah, freethewolves1, RavenGredForgeMcgonagall, Steph5anne, Lemonkittylove, JDGambit, Yasmine Lupin, Lalana-chan, Calmest Card, Dearly Disturbed, Sue01, Sage L. Soul, RokudaimeNaruto, Tidal passion, Ceti H. Black, A Marked Propensity, alexa-abrille, Eltanin Black, SweetMagicMoon, Tenshi01 and hooked on tv for your support.
