God I love writing emotional turmoil. It's so much fun. I live for that good sweet Hurt/comfort ya'll.
"Luffy, I swear if you don't stop—" Ace snapped, struggling to drag his bouncing little brother down next to him. He glared at Sabo when he only snickered at him instead of helping. Briefly, he considered taking his chances and just flinging Luffy at him. It was tempting.
Luffy stretched out far enough to latch onto the window frame of the treehouse, skin pulled tight. Ace didn't get a chance to do more than scream when he abruptly let go, snapping back with enough force to make Ace either release him or break his nose and probably his jaw. "Dammit Luffy–" Ace grit out. Sabo just continued to laugh at him, safely seated between Ryu's legs.
It was only getting more tempting to throw Luffy at him, the bastard. Wouldn't be laughing then… just you wait.
"Ace!" Luffy shouted, high pitched with excitement. Ace choked when Luffy spun on him in order to rocket directly into his midsection, sending them both flying into the far wall. The old planks groaned ominously under their weight. Ace was certain he heard something splinter. Groaning, he shoved Luffy off only for the younger to practically skip around him, dodging any hands trying to grab him. "Sabo is gonna have a scar! Like mine!" He poked his face close to Ace's, grabbing his own cheeks with both his hands before stretching them as far as he could, eyes wide and sparkling. "We're g'nna be scar buddies," he said reverently.
Still sitting calmly a few feet away, Ryū had the audacity to laugh at them. Ace blushed hotly and kicked Luffy back, annoyed when the younger just rolled away with a laugh. "Stop laughing!" He hissed. Both blonds were now just watching him, the same damned expression on their faces. An identical brow raised, an identical quirk to their lips. Ace felt his ears burn. "...Jus' hurry up, already."
"Gimme a sec, Ace," Ryū said. Ace huffed and crossed his arms, pointedly looking away from Ryū smiling at him.
More than a few seconds passed. Ryū had not moved. Ace would know, because he couldn't help looking back to check. He wasn't sure if Ryū even blinked at any point. He just continued to smile vacantly down at him, and it was–
"Goddammit," Ace shouted, finally throwing his hands up. "Will you stop staring at me?!" He nearly fell over when Luffy draped himself over his back and vehemently began prying the rubbery little body off him, ignoring his laughter. "Get off!"
"Ace is being mean," Luffy moaned. He slumped to the floor, limbs splayed out and pouted up at the ceiling with an expression so personally offended that Sabo couldn't stop laughing. Whining loudly, he sat up just to rock on his butt in irritation. "Now Sabo is being mean too! Ryū-nii—!"
Ryū, openly amused by his tiny brothers, finally raised his hands. Sabo cooperatively leaned into his eldest brother's touch, allowing him to reach the tied ends of his bandages. It was a relief to feel the fabric be gently tugged loose one by one.
Ryū moved with the careful precision of someone used to removing bandages, just as diligent as he always was changing them even when they all knew Sabo wouldn't need to change anything anymore. "It won't look great," he warned the boys. He could still remember the first days after he got his bandages off. Koala had said it looked raw, and every little breeze against it had felt overwhelmingly cold and uncomfortable for a long time. "You can't just go thinking it's okay to start rampaging in the dirt just because you don't need some extra cloth on your face, now." He sent a stern look at the boys until Ace grumbled a promise not to, Luffy just sniggering obliviously next to him. Sabo smiled innocently up at him.
Ryū didn't believe a single second of it.
"You know that won't fool me," he said, and wasn't placated in the slightest when Sabo just shrugged and continued to smile.
With one last tug, Ryū carefully peeled the last of the bandages away and swept them to the side in a messy pile. Luffy finally stopped moving. The treehouse was deafeningly silent for a long, unnerving moment.
Slowly, Sabo looked up at his brothers. He ducked his head self consciously when neither of the boys reacted, frozen in place. "Is— is it that bad?" He asked quietly. Ryū swallowed shakily and subconsciously pressed his bangs over his eye. It was just long enough to cover the worst of his own scar, but the distinct feeling of being exposed never faded.
Covered or not, his scars all ached like a dull, pulsing line of scraggly fire burning down his side. His matching, completely identical scar that was now permanently marking Sabo's face.
Slowly, Ace crawled forward. He hesitated before reaching out, hand paused midair between the two middle brothers and left it to Sabo to gently take his hand. They both swallowed uneasily. Sabo laid it over his new scar, nose scrunching up as rough fingertips grazed the still sensitive patch of skin. Still, he didn't allow Ace to pull away. "Is it bad?" He asked again, and stared Ace down until the older fidgeted uncomfortably.
Luffy's shoulders slumped. There was a look on his face as if something terrible had been confirmed, and Ryū felt his face freeze before he could even twitch. "It's the same," Luffy whispered. Sabo and Ace both shot him a glance before following his eyes to Ryū. A strange hush fell over the treehouse. Their eldest patiently held still as Luffy climbed into his lap, leaning down automatically to allow rubbery fingers to reach for his face without dislodging Sabo. "It's the same," He said mournfully. "It's… exactly the same." His fingers traced the jagged edges with a touch so light that for the briefest of moments Ryū felt like a child again, swaddled in bandages and band-aids and dark blue bruises.
Ryū shut his eyes, unable to bring himself to look at his brothers. He felt cold. As if the yawning chasm left behind from his Ace's death had opened wide to remind him it was there, begging he taste the grief he always sealed and burned.
Grief burned into every slash and scar— and now it had seared into his little brother's face just as permanently. Eating away at the flesh.
We bite off more than we can chew, he thought desolately, and are left with nothing but a mouthful of ashes.
He felt weak.
Heart aching, Ryū reached out to hold Luffy tighter, squeezing his tiny little brother to his chest. Warmth soaked into his freezing body but it wasn't enough. It was never enough, because—
It's just a dream. They aren't here. They never were. They're not real. Even in a dream, I can't do anything right.
"I'm sorry I couldn't prevent it," he said solemnly.
Warm little hands began to tug at his arms. Ryū opened his eyes to see both Ace and Sabo trying to pry his grip loose, tense and silent, and he let them just long enough for all three brothers to firmly tuck themselves into his arms. Ryū wasn't entirely sure what kind of face he must have been making, for them all to look so distressed.
Sabo was trembling against him. "You're an idiot," he said weakly. His hands fell on Ryūs face, light as if touching paper-thin glass. "You did prevent it," he whispered, "You prevented us from being separated." The child ducked his head, as if unable to continue meeting Ryū's eyes. Scruffy blond hair pressed up against the underside of his jaw and Ryū sighed shakily. His left hand pressed into the boy's hair before he could register moving, muffling Sabo's following sob into his shoulder.
Aces hands were so tight in the sleeve of his shirt that Ryū could faintly hear fabric ripping. The boy didn't even seem to notice, eyes dark where they were pinned to the floorboards. "Did that happen to you?" He quietly asked, and Ryū could only think to hold his brothers closer. Luffy, in turn, wrapped himself all four of them securely, anchoring them in place just tight enough that the pressure made something in Ryūs gut unlock and loosen. Ace placed a steadying hand over Luffy's arm wrapped firmly around him, the other still snagged on Ryū's sleeve. Without even noticing, he had manipulated himself to press against as much of each brother as possible. His grey eyes were fogged and distant. "Did we… did we get separated, before?"
Did we get separated, from you?
Ryū ached. He ached cold, and tight, and lost—
He smiled, because what else could he do?
"No," Luffy murmured, "no, no, no." Ace gripped him so hard Ryū had to carefully focus his fraying mind on remaining solid. Sabo flinched violently against him, tiny fists shaking where they had twisted into his lapels. His shoulder was quickly becoming damp.
"Don't smile like that," Ace whispered. "Please. It hurts…"
"No, no, no, no, no."
Tiny rubbery hands pat frantically at his face, as if trying to wipe away tears. Ryū couldn't stop, couldn't force his face to stop smiling even as his small, hurt little brothers looked so wounded at the sight of it.
He ached, he ached, he ached.
Curling in tightly, he listened to the remnants of his family whimper in his arms.
"Please," Ace whispered, "don't smile like that. You're not alone anymore."
"We're here," Luffy sobbed, "we're here…"
"Ryū-nii," Sabo whimpered, and Ryū shattered under the pressure. Shattered under the impossible task of keeping himself together. His brothers were a backdrop of pained whispers and warmth soaking into his arms, his chest, his stomach, and yet the grief continued to steal and swallow all it could of him.
It's all a dream, and yet it hurts so much.
I hope I don't wake up.
They'd be better tomorrow. They'd have to.
"You're not alone anymore, Ryū-nii. We're all here. All of us."
Please, not yet.
—
Waking up was… difficult. Not just for the tears, or the crick in his neck– though that was annoyingly painful as well– but because it took a near worrying amount of time to untangle his little brothers from where they had fallen asleep wrapped around him and each other.
If Ryū was going to be honest, he would have been perfectly content not to move for another indiscernible number of hours. But Ryū had never been honest in his life, including towards himself, and he could already hear Luffy's stomach rumbling even in his sleep. A good meal and a sparring session would go a long way to shake them out of the mood they had accidentally tripped into last night.
Not to mention, it had been a while before Ryū felt comfortable enough allowing Sabo to join them for training, and he would be inevitably joining them. Ryū doubted he could or would be able to keep Sabo out of sparring indefinitely– and it wouldn't be fair or smart to avoid teaching him as well, when Ryū knew he would need it someday (no matter how selfishly he wished he could just wrap them all up in thick blankets and take them with him. At least they would stay safe like that). His burns had healed exceptionally well– Sabo barely needed the painkillers anymore, and whenever Ryū had changed his bandages the scar tissue had been developing without complications.
Ryū himself couldn't remember dealing with any infection or worsening conditions from his accident, but he also had been in an actual excuse for an infirmary and not in a jungle with a single semi-capable adult and two other children. It wasn't worth taking any chances and risking Sabo's health.
But he could see Sabo getting twitchy being forced to watch his brothers train every day. Not remembering his old routines didn't stop his body from craving them.
So... it had to happen eventually. However, that didn't account for how the boys would take it, even though they all knew this would be happening.
In retrospect, he probably should have expected this to happen after last night. Ace and Luffy weren't about to just forget the conversation they had– But he hadn't accounted for this happening.
"I hit you too hard, didn't I? Don't lie to me, I know you better than that!"
Sabo scowled, pushing himself off the ground with shaking arms. "Yeah, so what if you do?! I'm an amnesiac, not a weakling!" He brushed off Ace's attempt to help him up, instead stumbling forward to pick his pipe back up. "One more. I'll get it this time!"
Ryū hummed, glancing at the tally marks Luffy had scraped into the dirt. Sabo had a decent amount of wins, but nowhere near what he had before– not to mention he became winded rather quickly. Weeks of fairly strict bedrest and sitting on the sidelines had made his body soft where his amnesia made his mind vulnerable. "Maybe we should break for lunch," he commented.
"No!" Sabo said. He shook his head roughly. "I almost got it! Just one more time–"
Ace crossed his arms. Despite his scowl, residual fear still fogged his eyes when he caught Sabo's new scars. "I'm not going to spar you if you're not okay! You could get seriously hurt!"
"Not if you won't take me seriously!"
Luffy whimpered, pulling his hat down over his face. Ryū frowned. "Stop. That's enough for today." Sabo whipped around, face flushed and brows drawn but Ryū just shook his head. "No, Sabo. We're stopping for today. Training won't help if you're too hot-headed to learn." He sighed when a blank mask drew over his doppleganger's face, thick as wool but still just as recognizable for the anger underneath.
"Fine," he hissed. "It's not as if I can get any stronger if none of you are even going to try against me."
Ace glared, patience snapping. "You're my brother!" he shouted, temper flaring. "You were injured for so long–– I'm not about to kill you right after you healed enough to spar again!" Sabo clenched his hands into shaking fists.
"I'm not fragile," He said lowly. "I'm not some doll that's gonna shatter from some rough handling! I– I want to get stronger," he pleaded. "You and Luffy have been training the entire time I've been just sitting here, and I can't remember how it used to be, and I never will if you never let me do anything!" Ace reared back as if slapped. Sabo turned away, jaw tight. "If you won't train with me, I'll just do it alone." Without another word, the little blond raced off into the forest without looking back.
Ace immediately leaped after him, only to be caught hissing and spitting mid-air by Ryū. "Stay here," Ryū said seriously, immediately cutting off any protests. He placed Ace down to allow Luffy to cling to him, effectively pinning him in place. "I'll go talk to him."
"Are we really hurting Sabo?" Luffy burst out, voice frantic. Ace wheezed when his limbs subconsciously tightened around his chest. "He was really mad…"
Ryū sighed, kneeling to hug both boys gently. It was telling how Ace didn't even protest, instead pressing his face into his shoulder and squeezing his eyes shut. Four tiny hands fisted themselves into his coat. "Sabo feels like you're excluding him," he said quietly. "It's good you're looking out for him, but too much can be suffocating. He needs to find his place again and you two aren't letting him." He ruffled both boys' hair and grinned down at them. "Don't worry, I'll go find our wayward brother. We won't even miss lunch!"
The boys reluctantly untangled from him, sitting back down on the dirt forlornly. "Okay," Ace mumbled. "...But I'm not sorry." Everything about his posture, from the furrow of his brow to the line of his shoulders, were stiff, solid. He was stubborn as ever. Ryū fought the urge to sigh. A decade of being apart couldn't seem to erase Ace's need to continue every fight, even ones not technically his own. "Sabo is hurt. I– we have to keep watch until he's better."
Ryū couldn't help the tiny, bittersweet smile he could feel quirking on his face despite the frustration. Ace didn't even frown when he pulled him in for a hug. He only held onto him tightly, letting Ryū lean down to murmur, "You have to let him be, Ace, we can't protect everything forever– and Sabo needs to be allowed to protect himself, too." Without another word, Ryū stepped back and tousled both their hair before turning to vanish into the undergrowth after their missing brother.
Sabo flinched when he heard familiar boots crunch into the leaves next to his hiding spot.
For a long moment, Ryū didn't say anything. Sabo squeezed his eyes shut, desperately hoping Ryū wasn't about to tell him to leave, or go home, or– or–– a gloved hand gently touched his shoulder. "Hey," Ryū said softly. Sabo didn't look up from his knees, remaining curled tightly in the crevice between roots. He didn't protest when Ryū smoothly slid into the space next to him. His lungs felt small and withered, as if no amount of breath would fill them again. His entire chest was too tight.
Ryū was warm against his side.
"You know they're just looking out for you."
He knew.
"They have a right to worry about their brother."
He knew.
"But you also have the right to prove yourself, whenever and however you feel you need to."
Sabo's eyes widened in surprise. He whipped around to face Ryū and nearly looked away again when the older man smiled brightly at him. Heart racing, Sabo looked down at his hands. "I… I just want them to take me seriously," He said. His hands shook, soft, calluses faded after weeks of inactivity. He clenched them tightly to avoid looking at them, something disgusting curling in his stomach. "I don't– don't remember how I was, before the... the accident," He started, hesitant and weak, "I don't remember if I was ever– if I– if I could ever be as strong as Ace is now." He looked up at Ryū, eyes wet with tears he harshly blinked back. "I don't remember how to fight," He whispered, "I hate being so useless all the time."
Ryū was quiet.
Sabo startled when he abruptly stood, stepping carefully out of the little enclosure. Without his consent, one of his arms uncurled to stretch towards his brother, freezing just before it could latch onto his coat. "Ryū-nii…?" Ryū did not leave, did not move his gaze from Sabo's face even to acknowledge the aborted reach. His eyes were piercing. A familiar blue that was wiser than Sabo felt like he could ever be; even with the proof standing in front of him.
"Come here, Sabo," Ryū commanded. Sabo was on his feet before he could even register why; his body instinctively reacting to the tone his future self took. His legs were trembling in exhaustion. Every muscle pulled and stung with each motion. Gingerly, he stepped out into the small clearing.
"Look at me." Ryū's voice was hard, unyielding as steel. Sabo swallowed nervously, unable to blink away from his brother. His heart raced in his throat and he barely understood why. "Look at me," Ryū said again, softer, and when he pressed gently against the flesh of Sabo's arm the touch scalded all the way down to the sore muscles underneath. "You know who I am, Sabo. You know what I am. Can you look me in the eyes, and tell me that you do not know how to fight?" His grip tightened, digging into Sabo's arms but never enough to bruise. Even when laughing, when manic and angry and sad, Ryū had never hurt any of them. "Can you look at me and tell me, honestly, that you believe that you're useless?"
Sabo's tongue stuttered in his mouth, thick and dry as a summer drought. "I–I–"
Stripped of all pretenses; laid bare. Ryū stared right through him. It was if Sabo had no flesh, no bones to hide behind. Not even his amnesia could hide him from his brother– from himself.
"You are not useless, Sabo," Ryū said, with the same stony certainty that the sun was bright and the sky blue. "You can't remember the spars, or hunts, or the days spent here with your brothers; and I can't tell you if you ever will–" I will never let Ace die as long as I am here to protect him, to protect you, and Luffy, and everyone we care about. Your trauma will never surface if it means you must suffer first, again. "–but your body will remember what your brain can't."
Days with the revolutionaries, with Koala, spent moving instinctively– a hand firm and easy around a pole, a pipe, a staff, all without ever knowing why– "I am here to help you, Sabo. You have to trust that." There was never anything else to trust. Sabo had slotted all his cards with these people, who came and got him and said they were his family; and a part of him clearly believed them the moment he saw them. A part of him, ineffably, understood they were his brothers, that they loved him and wanted him to come home.
He had followed that instinct into the forest without looking back. What else could he trust?
Sabo's chest tightened, a fist drawn around his heart. His throat constricted around a trembling "I can't," before he could even spare a second to think. Ryū's hands were scalding, as if ready to burn straight through the fabric where they were anchored over his sleeves.
Sabo couldn't– couldn't focus.
"Even if the muscle memory is there, I'm not strong like Ace, or even Luffy– I'm soft. My calluses are gone–" his heart stuttered in his chest and he tripped over his words, momentarily confused, because his palms had never been calloused, had they–? "–I'm weak, I'm weak and I– I can't, Ryū––" Every word took air he couldn't get back. He was suffocating right there in the dirt, in front of Ryū, every insecurity and fear and weakness pulled tight like so much scar tissue–
"Then I'll help you," Ryū said patiently. "Then we'll meet here every night until all the softness is trained out of you."
"I'll never catch up–"
Sabo nearly bit his tongue off gasping when Ryū snapped his hand up, pulling it between them with an expression of such intensity that Sabo was left blinking in startled shock. A familiar shiny coating of black flared up over his arm.
Ryū raised his haki-infused hand, and Sabo felt alarmingly like watching a man grip a knife by the blade, or aiming a loaded gun.
"This," Ryū said calmly, "is haki."
Sabo yelped, scrambling backward when Ryū abruptly shot forward and splintered a nearby boulder to pebbles with his bare fingers. Fine dust particles turned his gloves grey. Sabo had no idea what he was supposed to do, or even say. He was frozen in place with no ability to do either. Ryū flexed his fingers, trying uselessly to shake off the bits of rock coating his hand.
"You think you're behind?" He asked, and it wasn't a question. Not really. "Then I will do as I have and will always do, and I will help you." His second hand left Sabo's arm to just peel the glove away, revealing skin still a smooth obsidian black. When he picked up the chunks of stone left, they crumbled to nothing between his fingers. "Haki is an advanced technique. It's used throughout the grand line." Through every word, every action, Ryū's eyes never even twitched away from Sabo's. They both held fast as if melded like metal. Sabo was left transfixed, mildly terrified– but not of Ryū. Not of his brother, not of being hurt, leaving his inherent fear unexplainable and frustrating– "Only the strongest know haki," Ryū said, with all the practiced ease of a well-loved statement.
"And I am going to teach you how to use it."
Sabo's eyes were huge, still stuck staring at the powdered remains of the previously huge rock in disbelief. "That?" He nearly shouted, gesturing as if it would make more sense the longer he stared. "You want me to learn that?" he gaped watching Ryū casually brush mineral dust off his palms. Seeing him be so nonchalant after such a blatant display of power was disconcerting. Is this really what I became? What everyone is like, in the Grandline?
Sabo's heart strangled, high in his throat. Just how far behind are we?
"You said you want them to take you seriously?" Ryū said. "Then I will teach you how to use haki." He finally looked away, pausing in his movements to instead brush a few stray locks of hair out from where it had begun growing out into his eyes. It only flopped back into place with new streaks of grey dusting the blond and Ryū hummed in irritation.
Sabo was speechless.
"I was always planning to teach all of you how to use it eventually," Ryū admitted, something quiet and almost sheepish buried in his tone. "...But not until you all had more basics down. Haki isn't very common here in East Blue– so it would give us all some attention we're not really ready for yet. But–" He gazed calmly at Sabo. "–If you feel it will stop Ace and Luffy from being so anxious about you fighting again, I will teach it to you first."
Sabo stared.
Ryū kneeled, holding a hand out towards him. "So? What do you think? I won't force you, it's okay to say no. I get it if you want to do this on your own, and I won't stop you."
Sabo couldn't find it in himself to answer just yet. He stared wordlessly down at Ryū's outstretched hand, unable to comprehend what was happening.
A strange feeling began to spark deep in his throat, flaring up from his heart. His vision tunneled around that hand. Ryū's hand, skin moonlight pale, smeared a dusty grey from the boulder he pulverized to nothing. Palm up, fingers open and lax.
Those fingers could kill me, Sabo realized. Could close and crush me like the bugs Luffy keeps bringing home. Could turn my bones to mush. Ace said he killed a pirate with his bare hands. I don't doubt it.
The same hands, open and inviting. The same hands beckoning him towards them, offering help. The same hands he'd by now seen cradle Ace and Luffy and himself countless times, often as unfailingly gentle as if touching clouds or spider-webs. The same hands that brought him home, confused and in pain from Dragon's ship, and ruffled his hair when he woke up.
An opportunity he couldn't even think to refuse.
Ryū smiled with all his teeth when Sabo stepped forward to placed his hand in his, and Sabo had never felt safer or more determined since waking up those weeks ago.
Starting college recently, so less time to really read through and catch my mistakes. I have an Ao3 beta reader/editor but that doesnt always stop things from coming off as awkward or stilted! dont hesitate to tell me if something is wrong or off.
Thanks for reading, as always.
