Written after completing the CCC Event. BB offering to help out with Gudako's love life just sparked inspiration in me…
"You can even count on me if you end up having any issues in your love life!"
It had blissfully seemed like such a random exclamation at the time, Gudako reminisced. Just a brief statement thrown in by BB to toot her own horn… which there really was no need for, since she'd already made it clear that she'd stick around Chaldea no matter how much the young Master protested.
Ah… now that she thought about it, BB had even followed it up with: "You can look forward to the help of the cute little devil, Moon Cancer BB!" Initially Gudako hadn't paid attention to the content of BB's words so much as to the fact that she was actually present in Chaldea to speak them in the first place.
But now – as Gudako clung onto Heracles' back as he rushed through Chaldea's hallways, nearly barreling over the ever-unlucky Cu's younger self – she realized just how accurate BB had been, calling herself a 'devil'.
Honestly, Gudako would've preferred to get Mash or one of the calmer Servants to help in subduing the AI menace, but they would've asked questions. Questions that Gudako really didn't want to answer, since she was already embarrassed enough that BB had figured this out after going through Gudako's web history and noticing she was constantly looking up historic facts and even fictional appearances of a particular Servant…
No, only a Berserker could be trusted not to babble – and even among them there were certain female exceptions.
Gudako tried not to think of the horrible idea of any of them finding out, and just hoped Heracles got there in time…
"Hey, Amakusa, right?"
Shirou Amakusa Tokisada looked up from the book he was reading – a collection of Anderson's fairytales he borrowed from the library, as Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily had honored Amakusa with the request for a bedtime story, despite the fact she did not need to actually sleep – to see BB approaching him. This was quite the rare event, as usually Rulers were the only class BB didn't approach. Whether this was because of her class disadvantage or because she assumed Rulers were too much stick-in-the-muds to rise to her provocations remained to be seen. That she appeared to give most Berserkers the same wide berth didn't help deciding either, as that was what any sane person would do anyways.
(That she avoided Amakusa in particular might've also had to do with how he'd been the one Gudako chose as the main damage-dealer in teams set up against BB and her evil copy back during the CCC Event.)
Despite the Moon Cancer Servant's extremely lousy reputation, Amakusa still smiled as he greeted her.
"Good afternoon, BB. My name is indeed Amakusa; is there anything I can help you with?" BB made a face. It was quite the incredible one, too. Amakusa wasn't sure if he knew a single word to accurately describe it, but he could tell it was a mix of annoyance, displeasure, and that feeling that lacked a term, yet everyone knew when they met a new person and just felt 'oh boy, it's this kind of person'. Also, there seemed to be some judging mixed in, though he got the distinct impression this was the one emotion not directed at him.
"Seriously, this goody-two-shoes? And he's conventionally attractive too. Talk about boring taste…" The young(?) man could've sworn he heard BB mutter something underneath her breath, but since he doubted it was meant for his ears he decided to ignore the words and whatever implication they might've held.
As if her previous pause didn't happen, BB's expression immediately cleared into a bright smile. Were it the other Shirou he would've undoubtedly felt a shiver run down his spine, knowing that girls were scariest when they were smiling. But it was only the Shirou who'd never encountered trouble with women during his life, and so he was blissfully ignorant of the sheer amount of evil hidden behind that smile.
"Boy am I glad to see you, Amakusa! How's it been!" Just about over half of Chaldea's Servants would've immediately grown suspicious over BB acting chummy, and the other half either hadn't really met her yet or were not right in the head. Amakusa happened to fit both criteria to fit in the second category – although the latter wasn't immediately apparent if one had not witnessed him when in vicinity of a Grail – in addition to the fact that he was a Saint in every sense of the word except for the 'canonized by the church' part. In fact, if anything he found himself slightly admiring her ability to immediately act like they were old friends, as if her greeting to him hadn't been asking for confirmation that he was indeed who she'd been looking for.
"Just fine, Miss BB," Amakusa said with a friendly smile: for no Saint (whether canonized or not), would fail to be polite and friendly simply because the person they're talking to clearly doesn't like them. As if to prove that point, BB's upper lip briefly twitched, almost like she was having a hard time keeping up her smile.
"Yep, yep, glad to hear it!" Her happy tone definitely sounded more forced now, and Amakusa started to consider that it was entirely possible that she didn't mind his friendliness, but instead how he could appear so calm and content while she was restraining herself from messing with him, likely due to desiring a favor or the like. Though it was equally possible that this was just a set-up for one large prank, but he couldn't say if he himself was the intended victim or someone else.
"Aaanyways, I just got my hand on some reaaalllyyy neat info I thought you might be interested in…"
"Oh, how so?"
"Y'see, it's about our dear, adorable Master." This instantly caught Amakusa's attention, though admittedly, the same could have been said for practically every other Servant in Chaldea had they been present. Their Master was the crux of their existence here after all, and as the local strategist who knew her Servants' capabilities better than anyone, she was the one who decided when a Servant would fight and she gave orders as well. There was simply no possible way for any of them to not be involved when it came to her, frankly. That she was also an incredibly likeable person only further strengthened the bond with her Servants.
Perhaps, Amakusa mused, this was why BB had chosen this time to approach him. Right after the lunch rush the cafeteria was the calmest area in Chaldea: any Servants that liked to eat would've left by now, along with any staff members (that weren't total shut-ins or workaholics who ate their meals in their workplace, in which case they shouldn't even be taken into consideration in the first place).
In fact, normally the only people left now were the cafeteria staff, cleaning up after the lunch rush, and perhaps already preparing for dinner.
It was precisely for this calm that Amakusa had seated himself here, as Shakespeare was being kind of loud in the library and he wanted some peace and quiet to pick out which story he'd read for Jeanne d'Arc Alter Santa Lily.
(For the record: Amakusa was one of the very few people who still tried to use the entire title, when even the young Santa herself had given up on it after biting her tongue trying to say it all in one breath a few too many times. This was solely because despite acknowledging its ridiculous length, hearing her entire title still made the girl stick her chest out with pride, which was frankly just adorable and more than worth the effort.)
"Oho, that got your attention, huh?" The slightly sinister widening of the AI's grin didn't seem to be a front this time.
"If it's about Master, of course. I hope it's nothing serious?"
"Weeelll, it depends on your point of view. It wouldn't be anything interesting from an objective point of view," meaning that it likely didn't have anything to do with their Master's physical or mental wellbeing, "… But it sure is serious business to some people. Why, I imagine there'd be quite~ the ruckus if this little tidbit of information got out…" By this point it was obvious that BB was out to bully someone, and it sounded increasingly likely that the poor victim of her harassment this time would be Gudako.
If it was for Gudako's sake, then it was only obvious how Amakusa would react.
"I see. In that case, you should take care not to tell anyone." And with that Amakusa returned to his book.
He'd heard the Little Mermaid animated movie adaptation was considered a children's classic, but as the original story was fairly dark, he decided not to pick that one.
BB pouted for a moment, but she was confident enough in her ability to push people's buttons that she quickly regained her wicked grin.
"Aw, are you sure you don't want to hear? It's exclusive info, and I've just got to share it with someone! Why, if I can't I fear I might just have to shout it through the intercom to release myself of this anxiety over keeping a secret!" Normally the threat of BB spilling everything certainly seemed like a worse scenario than her just telling one person, but there was no reason to trust her words. While most Servants tended to not lie as a matter of personal pride, this most definitely did not apply to BB. As such, Amakusa had no reason to assume she wouldn't spread the news further after telling him, or that he was even the first person she talked to about this.
And if she did indeed speak the truth about only wanting to tell him… well, that sounded like even more reason to refuse: he had no idea what kind of info on his Master would interest him in particular, but Amakusa was certain that the person in question would consider this at the very least among the five possible worst-case scenarios. (Almost consistently at the top of this list, regardless of the scenario, was involving Kiyohime. And when it wasn't first place, it'd still be somewhere on the very short list.)
"I see. In that case, might I suggest going to the local church – Chaldea has a very agreeable one – to lighten your heart? There's currently no priest to attend to the confession booth, but I am certain directing your words to the Lord would bring an equal amount of relief." BB didn't even try to hide her annoyed frown this time, while Amakusa kept up his (apocryphal) saintly smile.
"… You're just no fun, are you? This is why I usually don't deal with Rulers…" BB sighed, letting her mask of camaraderie fall completely. They both knew she wasn't going to fool Amakusa like this. Actually, her trying at all was pretty naïve in the first place, but Amakusa simply assumed the AI had yet to hear of his own not-always-equally-stellar reputation.
"My apologies if you feel that way."
"No fun at all…" To Amakusa's surprise, however, BB didn't give up at this. She straightened her slumped shoulders and looked him dead in the eyes, a slightly more serious expression on her face.
"All joking aside, I do think it's in Master's best interest if you at least hear about this."
"… So it is something that would better her? Then why not tell me outright?"
"Weeelll, the person herself definitely doesn't want word to get out, least of all to you or someone like Kiyohime. Me telling that Berserker would just end up in homicide, potentially followed by a murder-suicide. No prize for guessing who the victims would be in that scenario, by the way."
"No need, I can imagine how any situation involving her could escalate like that."
"But anyways: unlike with her, I think the entire 'issue' might be resolved if I just inform you about it, no matter what Master's opinion on that is. After all, humans' decisions aren't all that often in their own best interest." Amakusa could see the logic in her last statement, but…
"… If it's truly in Master's favor that you tell this to me, then why? If it's nothing harmful to her I'd imagine you would prefer to watch from the sidelines."
"Oho, you already know what I'm like, huh? Guest I must've built up quite the reputation already~. But to answer your question: it's because it's annoying me."
"Pardon?"
"You heard me: it's annoying. I like a bit of drama as much as the next gal, but this isn't even that: it's just Master beating around the bush. If she keeps this up, she might retire from Chaldea before it reaches a conclusion!"
"And so you've decided to force her hand in the matter?"
"Exactly! So, are you interested?" The grin reappeared on BB's face, though noticeably less malicious than before. Like this Amakusa really was starting to become convinced she was acting in Gudako's best interest.
"…"
"Oh c'mon, really? All of this, and you're still not taking the bait? Then how about I tell you what this little nugget of info's about, hm?" BB leaned a bit forward, her voice right next to the Ruler's ear as she whispered: "I've got a preeeetty good idea that Master's got a bit of a crush, and on wh-"
"Thank you very much for the offer," Amakusa said as he shuffled over to the other side of the bench, away from a surprised BB, "but I think I've heard enough."
"Wha- seriously?! You can't convince me you aren't interested in hearing more: everyone here would be interested!" Amakusa shot a glance towards the kitchen entrance, worried one of the Servants with sharp hearing inside might hear her exclamation and come listen, which would only bring Gudako more embarrassment. Luckily, no one was in sight. He just hoped there weren't any Assassins hiding in the room and listening in on this in secret.
"While I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious, this is clearly a private matter to our Master. I believe you mean it when you say you're doing this for her wellbeing, but I'm afraid that the decision should be left up to her whether she shares this information with us or not."
"Unbelievable. Even for being from a class of stick-in-the-muds you're a stick-in-the-mud! And here I'd heard you might actually be a fun, troublemaking guy beneath that prim and proper exterior!" Amakusa assumed this meant she'd heard rumors of him plotting to steal a grail after all, although he had no idea how anyone could view that as 'fun'.
The apocryphal saint once more attempted to shoo the Moon Cancer away by focusing on his book, but the slightest hint of doubt had wormed its way past his moral defenses. Certainly, this was their Master's private matter. But out of all Servants, why had BB chosen to talk to him about this?
If it was merely asking his aid in setting Gudako up with the object of her affections, he was certain there'd be more suitable candidates. Well, except maybe if it came to the Avengers Edmond or Angra: he was rather uniquely on fairly good terms with them both. But if it was either of those two, he still wouldn't help out. In Edmond's case he knew the Avenger would not appreciate outside meddling, especially from one of the two people trying to convert him from his hate-filled path. As for Angra… honestly, Amakusa might get along with him, but he was not a man any self-respecting Servant would leave their Master alone with. Just no way. Even Amakusa wouldn't be able to bless them if they decided to start a relationship.
So this left only two reasonable options: either the one Gudako had feelings for was him (something which he sincerely doubted: he was still not entirely sure how Semiramis once managed to fall for him, and they'd known each other for longer!), or BB was in fact messing with him, desiring Amakusa to give a particular reaction to the news.
Amakusa knew very well that who his Master had feelings for was none of his business, and yet… He couldn't help but feel his gut coil up at the idea of her being in a relationship with another. Much like all of the other times this subject came up, actually. Quite frankly, he couldn't imagine it. No matter who he tried to imagine her with – from any Servant to even some faceless staff member – every time he could only conclude that they weren't suited for her. Even imagining her with a black silhouette of a man, happily holding hands, he still couldn't agree with it (though that might've had more to do with how any human-shaped black silhouette looked like Angra).
He was so lost in his pensive thoughts that without realizing it he'd started furrowing his brows, and he failed to notice the growing grin on BB's face as she stepped closer. She'd realized just why the Ruler was so hesitant to hear more about this particular topic, and if she was right about this it'd make everything so much more fun. Less messy than if he didn't feel this way, but more fun.
Once more leaning over his shoulder, she whispered: "Changed your mind yet?" Amakusa turned to look at her with a serious gaze, but the Moon Cancer clearly wasn't intimidated as she straightened with a grin.
"In that case, I'll tell you: silence is consent, after all!" Amakusa mentally noted that that statement wasn't correct, but strangely enough he made no move to stop BB from revealing the identity of Master's crush.
"You see, the person she's been looking into is-"
"There she is! Take her down, Berserker!" An all too familiar voice resounded through the cafeteria (the growling shout that followed couldn't rightly be classified as a voice) and considering there was only one Servant in Chaldea Gudako addressed as Berserker (despite being otherwise fluent in English she always pronounced it as ber-ser-car), it wasn't difficult to imagine the situation.
One moment BB had been standing triumphantly in front of Amakusa, the next she let out a decidedly un-evil-mastermind-like scream (Amakusa could know: he was a member of Chaldea's Four Great Evil Masterminds) as a hulking Heracles rushed up and body slammed her to the ground. It was a small miracle that the cafeteria's floor tiles had held out, and one could only assume Da Vinci had reinforced them after the last time there'd been a food fight between Servants.
(Emphasis more on 'fight' than 'food', as should really be no surprise considering one was talking about Servants.)
"Good job! Now bring her to my room: I'll decide what to do with her then." For a brief, unguarded moment Amakusa relished in the beauty that was his Master when commanding Servants: while ordinary humans tended to seem arrogant when they did so, she instead appeared more like a seasoned tactician, or a wise leader directing her troops.
The moment was gone in an instant as Amakusa recollected his composure.
"Good afternoon, Master. I take it BB has been causing trouble for you?" With that the spell of seriousness seemed to have been broken, and as Gudako turned her gaze from Heracles to Amakusa it took on a concerned trait.
"Ah, hi Amakusa. Um… did BB… tell you about something…?" It was unlike her to fidget, yet Amakusa found her behavior more endearing than anything else.
"I don't think so. She'd only just arrived, you see." Gudako let out a deep sigh as she placed a hand on her chest, muttering a 'thank goodness we made it in time' under her breath. Amakusa promptly ignored the accusing look the bound and gagged – who knew Heracles could tie a rope? – BB threw at him as she was slung over the Berserker's shoulder.
"Is there something wrong?"
"No, no, it's just that BB's been snooping around in my room lately, and she happened to come across some info and made assumptions. It'd be really bad if rumors sprung up, so…"
With a nod, Amakusa said: "I understand."
"Thanks for that." There was a brief moment where the two just gave each other light smiles, Amakusa's assuring while Gudako's was thankful (he could've sworn he saw BB rolling her eyes from the corner of his vision, but didn't feel like looking away from Gudako to confirm), before the young Master bid her Servant goodbye and trailed after Heracles, who was already exiting the cafeteria.
"Well, I'll see you around!" She said with a wave, which the Ruler returned.
As she disappeared from his view, Amakusa released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Certainly, it was for the best that the situation ended like this. And yet, why did he not seem able to get rid of this anxiety…?
Shaking his head, the man returned to his reading, hoping that he'd still be able to concentrate.
