It's midnight by the time everyone has left. After learning about the attack at Mount Weather by the hands of Azgeda, Lexa had called an extraordinary war council in which the generals and ambassadors of every clan, besides the Ice Nation, took part. It took them a whole of five hours to agree to a plan of action to face this new threat. It'd been all but easy to bring everyone on Skaikru's side. Most of the generals were still reluctant to work with what is now the 13th clan and they also didn't like the idea of fighting against a clan that had fought by their side in the war against the Mountain Men. Clarke and Lexa still don't know how, but somehow they managed to come to the agreement that each clan would send a part of their best warriors to place a small defensive block around Arkadia. A few of the most valuable scouts were to be sent in the woods surrounding the Sky people's home to warn the army about a possible advance of the Ice Queen forces towards Arkadia. In case of a sighting of the Azgeda army, a couple of messengers were to be sent to Polis, where the Coalition will have a bigger army ready to march to Arkadia to fight alongside Skaikru against the Ice Nation. The two Commanders will join the battle as well, as their roles require them to do.
The last one to exit the throne room is Titus, leaving Clarke and Lexa alone. The room still hosts the decorations and objects used for the summit, but the two girls had time before the beginning of the meeting to change back into her armor, Lexa, and back into her usual clothes, Clarke. Seeing as there's nothing left to discuss the Sky girl moves for the door expecting the Commander to follow her cue. She's just set foot out of the doors when she notices that Lexa is still inside staring ahead towards her throne. She steps back into the room and asks: "You're not coming?"
"I'll only be a moment. You should go get some sleep, Clarke. It's been a long day." She answers turning to face the blonde fully.
"It's been a long day for you too, Heda." She says walking towards the other girl to stand directly in front of her. She smiles back at her when Lexa smirks at her attempt to be formal. They stay like that for a few seconds, just silently staring at each other, enjoying the quite moment after the chaos the summit had turned into. It's Clarke to break the silence with a sigh. She moves her gaze to the floor to hide her shame from Lexa. "I'm sorry my people interrupted the ceremony like that."
"Hey, you have nothing to apologize for." She puts one hand on Clarke's shoulder giving it a gentle and reassuring squeeze and, then, with her other hand she grabs the girl's chin tilting her head up till their eyes meet again. "They were only doing what they believed would keep you safe."
"Maybe. But still... They shouldn't have killed three of your guards like that."
Lexa gives her a shrug as if to say she doesn't have to worry about it, it's not a big deal, and then it is her turn to avoid Clarke's eyes.
"If someone needs to apologize, that's me. It was my people who destroyed the Mountain killing your people in the process. I knew all too well what Nia is capable of, I tested it on my own skin, but still I let her into my Coalition. I shouldn't have trusted her. I shouldn't..." Lexa's voice cracks and she's on the verge of tears when she vigorously shakes her head. "I'm so sorry. If I hadn't-"
"Hey, stop. What just happened at Mount Weather was beyond your control. This is not your fault, Lexa. Do you understand?" She gently grabs the other girl's head in her hands running her thumbs up and down her cheeks. Lexa doesn't seem convinced so Clarke looks her straight in the eyes, her expression dead serious, and she repeats herself. "This. Is not. Your fault. You cannot blame yourself for the deaths of those people this time. Okay? Promise me you won't blame yourself."
"Okay." She sighs. "I promise."
"Good." Clarke gives her a kind smile before leaning in to capture the girl's lips in a short sweet kiss. "I love you, Heda." She whispers on Lexa's lips when they part, their eyes still closed and their foreheads pressed together. Opening her eyes, Clarke is met by the sight of two watery green orbs and her heart immediately fills with worry, wondering what she'd said wrong to make the girl cry. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" She frowns.
"It's just... I never thought I'd hear you say that."
"What? That I love you? Because you're gonna have to get used to it, since I plan to tell you every chance I get. For the rest of our lives. I love you, Lexa." Lexa's smile is so big and bright that it makes Clarke's heart melt. The Sky girl mentally promises herself to say those three little words any time she can just to see that beautiful smile appear on the Commander's face.
"I love you too. So much." She pauses for a second before inviting Clarke to stay with her. "I was gonna sit outside for a while. I like watching the city at night; it's the only time when everything is quiet and peaceful. It's soothing. Maybe you can sit with me tonight. If you want to."
"I'd love to." And with that she grabs Lexa's hand and together they walk outside on the balcony behind the Commander's throne.
They sit side by side in silence for a long time. It's not uncomfortable, on the contrary, they really enjoy the moment, just reveling in each other's presence as they look over the sleeping city. It's the first time she stops to properly look at Polis from above ever since she got there and Clarke wonders how she missed such a beauty for so long.
"You don't believe there's a chance Azgeda won't attack my people, do you?" The Sky girl whispers as she rests her head on the Commander's strong shoulder.
"No." Lexa sighs. "I'm afraid we cannot avoid this war."
"I wish we could stay like this forever. It's nice to have a moment just for ourselves."
"I have a sparring session with the Nightbloods tomorrow morning. You can watch us if you want to, then I could take you for a tour of the city."
"Are you offering me to come see you flexing your perfectly toned muscles? Because you have to do better than that to seduce me. Heda." She jokes, but her amused look falters as soon as she hears Lexa's low voice next to her ear.
"Do I?"
Clarke is almost afraid to raise her head and turn to look at Lexa, not wanting to let the other girl know how turned on she already is. It takes all the self-control she has not to answer "no" to her question. She can feel the Commander's eyes on her, so she gives up her fight and turns her head to find two very dark orbs staring back at her. There goes that little self-control she had left. She can feel her eyes darkening as well as she leans in to kiss Lexa. It's nothing like the kisses they'd exchanged before. This one is heated and hungry, all teeth and tongues. Their hands start wandering over their bodies as well, touching everything within their reach. Their chests are completely pressed together by the time Clarke feels Lexa's cold hand on the skin of her lower back. Reluctantly, she leans back, earning a whimper from the other girl at the loss of touch.
"We should take this to a bedroom, don't you think?"
"Mine's closer." And with that they jump on their feet and all but rush to Lexa's room.
They spend hours making love to each other and discovering every piece of their bodies. Once they're too tired to move their now sore muscles they just lie down on their sides and start talking. They explain some of their cultures traditions to one another, happy to share all of themselves with the person they love.
Lexa tells Clarke how the Conclave to choose a new Commander works. How all the Nightbloods she and Titus are training here in Polis will have to fight each other until only one is left. The winner will be the chosen one that will host her spirit. She tells Clarke the most promising of the novitiates is Aden, a very smart and strong young boy. Clarke can't help but notice how Lexa's face lights up when she talks about her pupils and how proud she sounds of each one of them. She can see it in the brightness of her eyes how much the Commander cares about these children that have become like a family to her. Lexa even tells her about the time she became Commander. Clarke learns there were nine novitiates in her Conclave and that the girl bears on her skin the memory of her friends. When she insists on studying her tattoo better, Lexa turns to face away from her and she closes her eyes, soothed by Clarke's fingers ghosting over the ink lines on her back.
"This is beautiful."
"I got it on my Ascension Day. A circle for every Natblida that died. When the Commander chose me."
"Seven circles... I thought you said there were nine novitiates at your Conclave." Clarke sates, remembering what Lexa had just told her.
"There were." It's small and whispered, but Clarke hears it clearly anyway. She's curious to learn more about it now.
"What happened to number eight?"
"Nia killed her." Clarke regrets her question as soon as she hears the crack in Lexa's voice that lets her know exactly who the other girl is talking about.
"Costia. She was a Nightblood too?" When Lexa turns to face her again, she sees the unshed tears in her beautiful green eyes.
"We didn't mean to fall in love. We weren't supposed to." Clarke grabs her hand and gives it a squeeze to let her know she's there and to give her the strength to continue. "We'd both been taken away from our families at a very young age. As children we soon became very close, best friends you could say. It was no news that we were inseparable, but what the others didn't know was that, becoming teenagers, we were getting closer in a different way. I think we'd always been in love with each other, but, as kids, we were just too young to realize what that feeling was." She pauses and Clarke waits patiently not wanting to pressure her. They both laugh at Lexa's next words. "You can imagine Titus's face when he caught us making out in a hallway before our lesson."
"I'm afraid he's not a big fan of me either." She chuckles.
"Yeah... He believes that to be Commander is to be alone."
"Love is weakness." Clarke says in her best impression of the bald man. "Now I know who you learned that from."
"Well, fortunately for you, I know better than to listen to him now." Lexa chuckles soon followed by the Sky girl. When they both turn serious again, she takes a deep breath and she goes on telling her story.
"We had a plan. It was reckless, yes, but it was the only way neither of us would have to kill the other. We were sixteen when the Commander died in battle. Once the Conclave began it soon became clear that I was the most likely to win. Costia had always told me I was the smartest and strongest of all the Natblida, but I never believed her. I thought she only said that to make me feel good, because I was her girlfriend. Before the final fight of the Conlave began, we ran into the woods during the night and I helped her escape. Of course, Titus knew the truth, but he told my people Costia was dead and I was to be the new Commander. I lived for two years with Titus's reprimands every time I'd snuck out in the darkness of the night to meet with Costia in the woods surrounding Polis. Unfortunately, the night did nothing to hide me from the eyes of the Ice Nation scouts stationed along the path that led to our usual meeting point. Thinking back at it now, I realize we'd been stupid to not change place for our meetings from time to time. I knew the Ice Queen was jealous of my power and that she wanted the Commander's throne for herself, but what I didn't know was that she was aware of my only weakness."
Clarke gives her hand another gentle squeeze before Lexa turns to lie on her back, not letting go of the girl's hand so that Clarke ends up tucked into her side with her head resting on Lexa's chest.
"When my eighteenth birthday came, Costia and I had planned to meet at midnight and spend the rest of the day together. It was supposed to be our very first time together in the light of day in two years. After so long of just sneaking around in the woods for a couple of hours each the night, I was finally going to have an entire day with the girl I loved. A whole of 24 hours to get tired of each other's presence." She smiles to herself at the memory. She'd been the happiest girl in the whole world when Costia told her what her birthday present was going to be. She was so excited that in the days before her birthday she'd barely slept a couple of hours. She'd skipped all the way to where Costia was going to be waiting for her, just like the two of them used to do as little kids when they were eager to reach some place.
She realizes she's crying when she feels Clarke's arms circling her waist in a tight embrace. Just like Costia, Clarke always knows what she needs. She guesses these are the perks of being in love: you understand the other better than your own self. Lexa rests her chin on Clarke's head for a moment as she attempts to stop other tears from flowing down her cheeks. When she's positive no more will come for the moment, she leans down to press a loving kiss to Clarke's hair. It's her way of thanking the blonde for giving her comfort and strength. She doesn't voice the words, because she knows Clarke will understand. She's proven of that when the other girl's arms give a slight squeeze at her sides as if to say "you're welcome, love." After that, she leans her head back on the pillows and she resumes her story.
"I waited for Costia all night long, but she never showed up. Titus found me at dawn sitting against the trunk of a fallen tree and sobbing heavily in my knees. He was the only one to know Costia and I were still meeting and where. He got worried when a messenger from the Ice Nation showed up to deliver a message to the Commander from Queen Nia in person. After ordering for the man to be locked in prison, he came looking for me in the woods. He told me what Nia's messenger had told him: Azgeda had the Commander's lover and they were going to torture her until she'd revealed all of my secrets. If the girl refused to talk, the Queen would kill her." A strangled sob leaves her lips and, once again, Clarke tightens her arms around her middle. Lexa feels wetness on her skin and it takes her a moment to realize the other girl is crying as well.
"Sssh. You can stop now."
"No. No, I-I have to this. I ha-have to let it out. It's been haunting me for too long."
"I'm so sorry. I just feel so helpless. You're hurting and there's nothing I can do to make it better."
"That's not true. The pain for losing my first love will never go away, Clarke, but lying in your arms makes it hurt a little less. It doesn't feel like I'm drowning anymore. With you I can finally breathe through this sorrow again."
She feels Clarke's lips pressing softly onto her chest and she hears the girl murmuring in her skin: "I'm here. Keep breathing. I'm not going anywhere." With that Lexa takes a deep breath and speaks again.
"I'm sure you can tell Titus isn't a big fan of showing affection and emotion, but I'll never forget his strong arms keeping me from falling as I sobbed into his chest. He stood by my side all the time as I was trying to figure out a way to save Costia. Everyone believed she was dead, so I couldn't just send a rescue party to get her back. Whatever we were going to do, it had to be done in the dark. I was still discussing a possible plan with my most trustworthy generals, when I was told a new messenger from Azgeda had arrived carrying a small box with him and he was waiting for me in my chambers. Not only had Nia killed the girl I loved, but she had also cut her head off and delivered it to my bed."
"Oh my God."
"I let her into my alliance, because I needed the Ice Nation to be by my side in the war against the Mountain Men. That's been the first time I made a choice with my head and not my heart. Sometimes blood must not have blood, even if it is against the ways of my people."
Lexa keeps staring at the ceiling for a while before turning in Clarke's arms to face the girl. She slips her arms around her waist mirroring the blonde's position. A soft thumb comes up to caress her cheek, drying the remaining tears in the process, and, then, gentle lips press a long kiss on her forehead where her gear usually lies. When Clarke leans back, Lexa tucks her head under the girl's chin and she closes her eyes, finally letting sleep take over her body.
"Reshop, Heda." She hears Clarke murmur in her hair.
"Goodnight, Ambassador." She smiles lazily as they both fall asleep, safe in each other's arms.
Note: I'm so sorry I'm late uploading this. I was out all day yesterday and I didn't have time to stop and write a new chapter. But, to make it up to you, I made this chapter a lot longer than the others ;)
Thank you for your patience and support! Xxx
