When the blonde lets out the broken sob she'd been holding, Lexa brings her even deeper into her as if to prove her words. And with that Clarke finally lets go, sinking on her knees as her body wrecks with her loud sobs. Lexa never lets go of the girl, she just goes down with her, kneeling behind her and holding her tightly. She doesn't try to shush her or whisper sweet nothings into her ear to calm her down, because she knows the girl needs to let it all out and break completely in order to start again and live again.
They stay like that for what feels like hours and when Clarke finally stops sobbing and shaking Lexa gives her a long kiss on the crown of her head. It's not enough to put the blonde back together, but it's a first step to give her back some of her lost strength. She feels her girlfriend take a deep breath and she knows Clarke is going to say something soon, so she moves her head down to rest her chin on her shoulder as if to let her know she's listening, whenever she's ready to talk.
"You never came back to me." Her voice still wavers slightly despite her efforts to keep it stable. She doesn't move her gaze on Lexa yet, she just stares down at their joined hands.
"I know." The former Heda does not apologize. It's not her fault someone killed her, Clarke would never blame her for not coming back, she was just stating a fact.
"I killed her. Nia. She had me pinned to the ground and for a moment I thought I wasn't gonna make it, but then I remembered what you taught me in our training sessions and I was able to free myself and kill her." Clarke's voice is just a little above a whisper, but her girlfriend hears it all clearly.
Lexa is shocked by her words, but she doesn't say a word, she just leans back to look at the side of the blonde's face waiting for her next move. The Sky girl strokes her thumb on the back of one of the brunette's hand in order to gather her courage before raising her head and tilting it to the side to finally meet the eyes of the girl she loves. Her eyes water again at the sight of Lexa's beautiful green orbs staring back at her, full of life. Slowly, she brings her hand up to cup the other girl's cheek, like she still needs some proof that this is real, that she is really there.
"That's what I was going to tell you once you came back from battle." Clarke gives her girlfriend a soft smile. "I wanted you to be proud of me. I wanted you to know that I can finally fight like you. Well, not like you you, but... like a true grounder. With swords, knives and all. I wanted you to know that the Ice Queen was not gonna hurt you anymore, because she's dead. I killed her. For Costia. For you."
"I..." Lexa is at a loss of words, because of the turmoil of emotions she feels right now. She wants to scream her anger at whoever killed her for not letting her have the reunion Clarke had planned for her; she wants to be mad at Clarke for facing Nia on her own, putting her life at risk in the process; she wants to cry in relief because the Ice Queen won't be able to hurt Clarke anymore; she wants to thank Clarke for avenging Costia when she couldn't do it and she wants her to know that she's always been proud of her.
Instead of trying with words again Lexa leans in to kiss Clarke, hoping this simple gesture is capable of conveying all of the things she's feeling at the moment. Like it's always been for the two of them, they don't need to say anything for the other to understand the message.
They kiss until their lungs burn for the lack of oxygen and then they keep close, leaning their foreheads against one another.
"Lexa?" Clarke calls gently after a while, causing the girl to open her eyes and look at her.
"Mmh?" Lexa hums in question.
"I can't feel my knees." That causes Lexa to chuckle lightly and, God, was it worthy to break the serious moment. Clarke hadn't realized how much she'd missed the sound of her laugh.
Lexa shakes her head amused as the blonde grins back at her and, then, she gets up pulling Clarke up with her in the process. When they're in a standing position in front of each other they simultaneously move forward to close the gap between them, so they hold each other properly for the first time.
"I missed you, so much." Clarke says in the crook of Lexa's neck. "I don't ever want to leave you."
"You can't stay here forever, Clarke." Her tone is sad and she holds the girl a bit tighter when she says these words. She knows her girlfriend has to go back to the real world, but she also doesn't want her to leave.
"Then I'll keep coming back." That's a promise she intends to keep.
To be continued...
