"Careful, Derek."

"Don't you worry, sunshine," Morgan flashed Anthea a grin as he helped Spencer settle down onto the couch. "I won't break your boytoy, I promise."

Anthea continued to bite at her thumbnail anxiously as Morgan talked to Spencer, their voices too quiet for her to hear. She looked up and caught Savannah's eye, who offered her a smile. "Don't worry," said the older woman kindly. "You heard what the doctors said, right?"

"Two weeks of bedrest, then back to the office but no travelling for at least a month," rattled off Anthea immediately. "He needs to use his cane for a few weeks while working, no stairs unless absolutely necessary, and physical therapy would be great but I doubt he'll have enough time for it, even though he says he'll try."

Savannah blinked. "Yeah, exactly. Hey, Anthea?"

"Yes?" Anthea's eyes flicked away from Spencer to Savannah, who now looked worried.

"Have you gotten any sleep the last couple of days?"

Anthea ran a hand through her hair, puffing out a breath of air. "I'm okay, Savannah. I've just been worried."

"You're stressing yourself out for no reason," Savannah rested a comforting hand on her shoulder. "He's okay, I promise. I've read his charts, I'm a doctor, remember?"

"Yeah, I just…" she trailed off and continued to bite her nail. "It was scary."

Savannah sighed and looked at the two men, who were now laughing at something they couldn't hear. "I know how scary it can be to get that call," she said quietly. "Trust me, I know exactly how you feel."

Anthea offered her a small smile. "You've been so great about this, Savannah, you and Derek. Really, I'm so grateful."

"Don't be, we love Spencer and we love you too," Savannah smiled warmly. "Just get some rest too, okay? Take it easy, both of you."

"And then you crazy kids can get back to doing whatever it is you do," added Morgan, ruffling Anthea's hair playfully as he made his way towards the door.

"Behave, Derek," said Savannah, rolling her eyes. "Anthea, remember to call if you need anything, okay? Even if he's being stubborn," she added, giving Spencer a pointed look. "And you better be good, Reid, or you're getting Hank every weekend until you're sixty."

"Sounds like a plan," said Spencer, smiling tiredly. "Thanks, guys."

"We'll head out," said Savannah. She surprised Anthea with a quick, warm hug, and blew Spencer a kiss. "You have our numbers if you need anything."

Anthea waved goodbye and shut the door behind them carefully, resting her hands against the polished wood for a few moments after they'd gone. The past four days had been a rollercoaster, from Spencer getting shot to her flying out to see him in the hospital, culminating in their arrival back at her apartment only a few hours ago. Anthea had insisted he stay with her while he recovered: her place was bigger, she had an elevator, and it would be much easier for her to take care of him that way. Spencer hadn't resisted much, oddly passive while Derek and Anthea had debated the pros and cons of where he would be staying. When the jet had landed, Savannah greeted them at the office with a bag full of things Spencer would need, and an offer to drive them both to Anthea's apartment that was less of an offer and more of an order. Anthea was sure her insistence to come along had less to do with her claim that she wanted to look at Spencer's charts, and more to do with the whole team's need to reassure her that everything was completely fine.

And it was fine. Anthea had to repeat that to herself several times as she stood in the hallway and stared at the door blankly. Spencer was completely fine. The gunshot wound had been messy and painful, but it had avoided major arteries and, while everyone was afraid it might hinder his ability to walk independently for a few weeks, there was no doubt that he would make a full recovery. The same could not be said for the UnSub who had shot Spencer, since Hotch had taken him out with a particularly painful shot to the shoulder, and he was now facing additional charges on top of the many that Anthea hadn't wanted to know about when Rossi had told her how it had all happened.

"Thea?" Spencer's voice jerked her out of her reverie, and she turned around just in time to see him hobbling over to her, his face slightly drawn from the pain of walking around, but nevertheless looking concerned about her. "Hey," he leaned against the wall a few feet away from her. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, fine," Anthea nodded jerkily and forced herself away from the door, automatically taking Spencer's arm. She let him use her as a crutch and led him back to the couch, fussing over him until she was sure he was settled. She hoped he hadn't noticed that her hands were shaking, or that her eyes were glistening with tears.

But he was Spencer. Of course, he had. "Thea," he sighed and grabbed her hands, halting her as she was in the process of adjusting the pillow behind his head. "I'm okay. I'm right here."

"I know," she smiled and sat down, her hands fiddling with the blanket she'd draped around him. "I'm really glad we're home, too. I hated seeing you in that hospital."

"I'm sorry you had to."

Anthea shook her head immediately. "I wanted to, Spencer. I so desperately wanted to be there for you, what you went through was terrible, but I…" she trailed off suddenly, and the elephant in the room, which had been haunting them since her first night in the hospital, was back.

Spencer gulped uncomfortably. He knew what he had to do. He had to tell her, because now she definitely knew something was wrong. There had been to many whispered discussions she couldn't be privy too, doctors who wanted her to leave the room because his medical history was too sensitive, and a mandatory call to his sponsor that he had fumbled through because she had been asleep in the uncomfortable plastic chair by his bed and he hadn't wanted her to leave. He had been equally terrified and guilty the whole time they had been in the hospital, because he knew Anthea, and he knew her patience would only last so long. And would she even want to be around him, once she learned everything? Hankel, the Diluadid, Maeve…

"Spencer?" her worried voice drew him out of his state of terror, and his eyes snapped to her face. She took scared. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he shook his head and tried to sit up, finally managing to lean back against the armrest of the sofa. Anthea was watching him worriedly, but she didn't try to stop him. He sighed. "We should talk."

Anthea nodded wordlessly and Spencer forced himself to begin speaking. He kept it simple, trying not to overwhelm her with details that she could ask for if she wanted to know, but otherwise would be content without. He started with Hankel, knowing it would be the easiest topic to get out of the way because the abduction itself wasn't as haunting to him, not anymore. She appeared to be taking it particularly well: her eyes were focused, her face expressionless. But when he got to the part about his heart stopping, Anthea closed her eyes and looked away, her breathing turning shallow.

"What's wrong?" he asked worriedly.

"Sorry," she choked out, sounding as though she was gasping for air. "I just – I need a minute."

Spencer felt his chest constrict at her expression. "I'm right here," he reached for her hand, only slightly hesitant, and let out a breath of relief when she gripped his fingers tightly in her own. "It was a long time ago, Thea."

Anthea didn't answer, but viciously rubbed at her eyes with her free hand. "Sorry," she sniffed, her voice steadier than before. "I just didn't expect that. When you said you had something to tell me, and after the way you'd been acting, I thought it would be awful, of course, but I…" she trailed off suddenly. "There's more to the story, isn't there?" she asked weakly.

Spencer sighed. "If want to talk about it some other time –"

"No," she shook her head. "Please, I know how hard it must have been for you to get this far."

"It's hard for you to listen to it, too."

"Yeah, but I can handle it," Anthea gave him a watery smile. "So, umm, what happened after they found you?"

Spencer winced. This was the part of the story he was dreading the most. He had initially thought it would have been Maeve, but since the topic of exes had never come up naturally between them, he thought Anthea wouldn't be as upset to learn about her. But the addiction…

He tried to be as brief as possible, without sounding flippant. The last thing he needed was for her to misunderstand the severity of what had happened, but he didn't want it to haunt her either. So he was careful in choosing his words, knowing that Anthea would pick up on any nuances immediately and demand an explanation. At first, her expression remained frozen, her eyes wide as he kept talking. When he mentioned that he'd still been working when suffering from the addiction, her grip on his hand tightened. When he described the withdrawal, she covered her mouth with a shaking hand. And when he explained that was why he didn't want any strong medication, and that he still sometimes worried about it, she finally looked away.

They sat in silence for what felt like hours, neither of them moving. Spencer was vaguely aware of his leg hurting from keeping it in the same position for too long, but it was a distant pain, as if his body was too busy processing a million other things to focus on his injury. Anthea's weight against his side, her hand still holding his, was reassuring. If she was still here, still willing to touch him, she wasn't disgusted with him. And if he didn't repel her now, after she knew his deepest, darkest secret, he had some hope that her feelings wouldn't change later.

"Thea?" he broke the silence hesitantly. "Are you okay?"

Anthea finally looked up from the ground, which she had been staring at blankly for the past few minutes. Her eyes were bloodshot, and her lower lip was slightly swollen from where her teeth had been digging into it. "No," she said hoarsely. "Not really."

"I don't know what to say," said Spencer helplessly. "I know this can be too much, and –"

"Can be? It is too much," she snapped, and the bite in her voice surprised him. "It is way too much, Spencer, and we've been together for almost a year! How could you wait this long to tell me?"

Spencer winced. "I'm sorry, I just –"

"You what?" she demanded. "You thought I'd leave? That excuse is getting old, and I'm not sure what more I have to do to show you I won't leave. Look at me!" she snapped, because he was looking at the floor, knowing what he would see if he looked up. He forced himself to meet her eyes, and saw the tears shining in them. "Spencer, I love you, I love you so much, and I will happily spend every day proving it to you, but I need to know you trust me. I've never hidden anything from you, and even though I know our pasts aren't exactly in the same league, I thought we didn't keep secrets like these. Not anymore. Why didn't you tell me?" her voice broke on the last word, and she blinked viciously to keep her tears at bay. "I can't imagine what you've been through, but that shouldn't matter. I know I'm not a therapist or anything like that, but I deserved to know. I could have helped you."

"You did help me," said Spencer immediately. "Thea, these past few months with you have been the best of my life. I'm serious," he added, when she looked away dismissively. "You say you can spend every day proving how much you love me? I want to spend every day doing that for you. You're a good person, probably one of the best people I know, and you've accepted parts of me that I always thought were deal-breakers in relationships. You need to understand, I haven't felt this way ev- well, in a long time," he amended hastily. "I couldn't tell you before, Thea. I didn't know what could make you leave me, I still don't, but this seemed like a probable reason."

Anthea sighed. "I don't want to leave you, Spencer. But if you hadn't gotten shot in a different state and I wasn't your emergency contact, I'm not sure you would have ever told me about all this. Can you honestly tell me otherwise?"

Spencer opened his mouth to answer, fully prepared to reassure her that of course he would have told her eventually, but he saw the look on her face. She was hopeful for his answer to be exactly that, but at the same time there was a hint of something else. She knew he would say anything at this point, even lie, if he had to. He couldn't do that. Not to her. "I don't know," Spencer said slowly. "Maybe… maybe I would have waited to tell you a little while longer."

Anthea bit her lip. "Okay," she said quietly. Taking a deep breath, she stood up and dusted invisible crumbs off her jeans. "Well, we don't have to worry about me walking out tonight. It's getting late, let me just get you some medicine and then you can…" she trailed off when his hand touched hers hesitantly, and gave him a questioning look.

Spencer wrapped his fingers around hers carefully, keeping his touch gentle. He wanted her to know she could pull away at any moment if he did something she didn't want. But she didn't, merely kept watching him curiously, so he tugged her back onto the sofa and straightened up with more effort than it should have taken. Still hesitant, he pressed his lips to her knuckles.

"I'm sorry," was all he could say. "If I could change things…" he trailed off. "Are we going to be okay?"

Anthea pursed her lips. "I want to be okay. Just… give it some time?"

Spencer nodded slowly. "Do you – I can go, if you want. I don't have to stay."

"If I wanted you to leave, Spencer, I'd have asked you to," Anthea sighed. "I'm just really tired. Are you okay to get up now?"

Spencer nodded, not wanting to push his luck. They didn't speak after that, not even when Anthea went into the bathroom and he could hear her muffled sobs despite the fact that she'd turned the shower on. Or when he almost tripped trying to get to the bed without his crutches and Anthea rushed to his side, eyes wide with concern. It was all so different from what they were usually like that Spencer felt his chest constrict with pain every time he caught sight of the haunted look in her eyes.

They'd shared a bed before countless times, so at least that part of the routine was still the same: Anthea slept on the right, closest to the door, and Spencer had the side with the single lamp on the table next to him, because he usually stayed up reading after Anthea had fallen asleep. This time, though, the tension in the air made sleep almost impossible. Spencer found himself staring blankly at the ceiling while Anthea finished getting ready for bed, forcing his mind to stay blank. The last thing he wanted to do now was start thinking.

"Can I get you anything?" asked Anthea. He turned to see her place a glass of water on the table next to him.

Spencer shook his head slowly. "I'm fine."

"Okay," Anthea took a deep breath and climbed into bed next to him. Spencer felt the bed dip with her weight, and the slight movements that he was used to by now as she settled in. But it was different this time. Usually Anthea twisted and turned and slyly managed to 'invade his personal space', as she liked to call it, as soon as the lights were off. Because if they did end up sleeping in the same bed, it was always together. Anthea liked to curl up against him, and Spencer liked to play with her hair as she slept. But she didn't come near him this time, whether it was because of his injury or because of what they'd talked about earlier, he wasn't sure. The lights were already off, so there was little else to do now but sleep. But he could tell she wanted to say something. He just wasn't sure how he wanted to hear it.

"Spencer?" her voice was timid.

He gulped. "Yes?"

"I love you," her hand snaked down his arm until her fingers wrapped around his own. "I'm glad you're okay."

The tightness in his chest loosened a little. "I love you too, Thea."