WARNING/SPOILER: This chapter contains infidelity so if you do not want to read that part between Ayla and Thorin then skip through that part. I decided to add this warning after so many immature people literally left very petty comments about how they don't support cheaters and how they are going to stop reading this fic. My only response to those immature commenters are: "Get over it, it's just a story and it's your choice if you want to keep reading or not, you don't have to tell me that you're not going to read the rest because of this chapter."

Chapter Nine

It was yet another busy day in Erebor and Ayla was currently on her way out of the impressive city to return home to the Woodland Realm. Back home to a certain Elvenking who always protested her leaving. And also to an elven prince whom she still spoiled with affection. Life was good. Ayla was happy and in love and felt like she finally found her place. Although…lately there had been a strain between her and Thranduil. Ever since they decided to actively try for a baby it felt as if the pressure was on them both and it was no more about the earth shattering romance and all about making sure she got pregnant. Ayla tried all the old tricks and even asked Kwenthrith about any tips about conceiving.

In truth Ayla had been trying to get pregnant for years and these past few years she began to suspect that she just might be infertile now. And it broke her heart to think that she will never have a baby with the man she loves.

Nearing the gates that will lead her out onto the road towards Dale she was stopped by Thorin who asked her to walk the ramparts with him before she left. Ayla obliged, even though she shouldn't encourage anything between her and Thorin. They walked together across the ramparts that had a clear view of the road where traders travelled to and from Dale with their carts full of goods.

"I wish you safe travel, My Lady." Thorin said, resisting the urge to take her hand and kiss it. It didn't go unnoticed that she wore the bracelet he made for her, and it made him happy to see her still wearing it. it just showed him that she held no ill feelings towards him and that their friendship was still intact. That was something, at least.

"Thank you." Ayla said, smiling at him before her gaze returned to the city in the distance. It was unusually cold for mid-summer when yesterday the temperatures were almost sweltering. Maybe because they were so far north? Maybe it was because it was a cloudy day? Maybe both? There was also the sound of thunder in the distance. A storm was coming; maybe that's why it was strangely cold today?

"I'm glad to see you wearing my gift." Thorin said, reaching out to take her hand but stopped when he heard a roar in the distant. Turning to look out from the ramparts, he searched the sky until he saw it: the shadow in the clouds. "Dragon." he breathed.

"What?" Ayla asked, not catching what Thorin said as she stepped up beside him, trying to see what he was seeing.

"DRAGON!" Thorin yelled but his warning was too late as the roar of the dragon drowned out his voice before spitting out a stream of flames. Thorin grabbed Ayla's arm and roughly pulled her behind one of the stone columns, holding her close to him as the flames scorched everything around them. Ayla heard the screams and smelled burnt flesh. The heat from the flames were intense she felt her skin stinging from the proximity alone, singing the ends of her hair. Once the stream of fire ended Thorin was quick to move her off the ramparts just as the front gates were assaulted by the dragon, bursting through the heavy metal doors and solid stone.

More screams, more fire, more destruction.

It all made Ayla want to vomit.

"We have to get out!" Thorin said, pulling at Ayla's arm by the elbow, leading her down the stairs that were cracking and crumbling beneath their feet. Ayla hadn't seen so scared since she had been kidnapped by those orcs, but this type of fear wasn't for herself but for the dwarves of Erebor. They have to evacuate. At the bottom of the stairs Thorin stopped Ayla, turning her around to face him. The floor beneath them was fractured and broken, and Thorin was standing on a slate that brought him up at eye level to her.

"What are you doing?" Ayla asked, turning away to look at the devastation that the dragon had left in its wake. "We have to get everybody out!"

"Ayla," Thorin said, reaching out to her and taking hold of her shoulders, turning her back towards him. When Ayla turned and locked eyes with him he saw in her eyes fear. Fear for his people. Fear for him. Without a second thought he pulled Ayla to him and claimed her lips, kissing her with all the passion he felt for her. It was not the ideal setting he had fantasized for their first kiss, nor was it all he had hoped for, but it was still what he wanted: to finally touch his lips to hers, even if it was in the heat of the moment.

He could die happy to have kissed the woman he loves.

He slowly pulled and cupped her face in his hands, stroking her silky soft cheeks with the pads of his thumbs as he gazed into her warm brown eyes. She looked back at him in confusion and he thought: How beautiful. With a regretful smile he released her face.

"I love you." he said before running past her further into Erebor.

Ayla watched Thorin run deeper into the mountain and time around her felt like it was slowing down, the noise around her sounding far away. Everything faded away to black and white while Thorin glowed brightly in color and she felt ice in her stomach as fear settled in. She touched her lips with the tips of her fingers, still reeling about the kiss that had taken her by surprise. The move was bold in the face of immediate danger. And she treacherously felt a white hot spark.

And that terrified her.

It terrified her more than facing the dragon that was presently terrifying the citizens of Erebor.

Thorin.

"Thorin!" Ayla called out as time resumed back to normal around her and she remembered herself and where she was. Unfortunately she was stuck in a river of fleeing dwarves and the current was too strong for her to swim against and simply turned and flowed with everyone out through the main gates towards the burning city of Dale.

xxxxx

By nightfall Erebor and Dale were both lost, destroyed by the dragon, Smaug. As night fell, the survivors had camped at the edge of their destroyed city that still burned hot from the dragon's breath. Many cried and mourned for the loss of lives and homes. Ayla helped as many injured as she could, the casualties just keep climbing with every passing second. Many of the healers that she had taught and trained herself in Dale had either been killed or severely injured, leaving her with just a handful who were simply too shell-shocked to function properly.

Ayla had looked to the hillside in the direction of Mirkwood, having seen Thranduil bringing his army but he had done something that shook her to her core: he turned his army away. He didn't even offer aid in any way to the suffering people.

"Ayla, my friend...you've done enough…it's too late for me." Dagna said weakly from where she laid inside one of the tents. Her son, Thorin, at her side. The dwarven woman was looking up at Ayla through her one good eye while the other had been covered with a makeshift bandage, already blotted and stained.

"No—no it's not too late! I can still save you! I can still…" Ayla covered her mouth as tears ran down her face, while in her chest she was seething with rage. The dragon was an unforeseen catastrophe, that she could forgive, but to be blindsided by Thranduil's decision to not help the people—their allies…that she could never forgive.

"Why did they not help us?" Thorin asked, his voice tight with anger while gently stroking his mother's hand. He looked to Ayla, his eyes reflecting the anger within him. "You speak for the elves, why did they refuse to help us? Why did their King abandon us in our hour of need?!"

"Thorin…" Dagna said, reaching over with her other hand, wrapped in bandages that were wet from blood and fluid that leaked from ruptured blisters, and patted his hand. Thorin released his mother's hand before he stood up and stormed out of the tent. "Forgive him... He's still young and impulsive and does not understand."

Impulsive…Ayla's mind flashed to their kiss.

"I'm sorry," Ayla said softly, choking back sobs as tears still fell down her cheeks. "I don't…I don't know how else to help."

"Hush, you've done more for us than you realize." Dagna said, reaching out and taking her hand, squeezing her stained fingers. "Ayla, he obviously knew that his army would fail. He spared his people from a senseless death."

"He still should've at least stayed to help all of you." Ayla's throat tightened, still so angry with how things had turned out. She thought she knew him well enough that he would at least send aid for the aftermath, but obviously she was wrong. The man she thought she knew…the man she loved…her beautiful dream…she felt her stomach sour.

"You're angry now, but one day you will be able to find forgiveness in your heart." Dagna said. Ayla let out a sob that shook her body, her eyes hot and irritated from all the crying she's done. "Please…I want nothing more than for you to be happy...go back…live…"

Ayla shook her head furiously, wiping her tears away with the backs of her dirty hands. She struggled to calm herself enough to speak. "Dagna…I won't leave you like this. I won't leave your people to suffer."

"Mother of Mercy…they should have named you Mother of Stubbornness." she said before coughing violently. "Please…get Thorin…"

Ayla left Dagna's side and exited the tent, not needing to go far as Thorin had been right outside the tent. He reached out and took her hand, his eyes catching the glint from the bracelet he gave her. He didn't look up at her as he simply kissed the back of her knuckles before going back inside to be at his dying mother's side. Looking around, Ayla predicted that the majority of the injured would die that night.

She had been right.

She sat at the top of the hill away from the tents, wanting some time to herself after pronouncing her friend Dagna dead. She left the grieving family so that she could process her own grief. Her own disappointment in Thranduil. Not only was he seen by everyone fleeing the chaos, but he was also seen turning his back on them.

"My Lady," she heard someone say in the elven tongue, but Ayla did not turn to see who it was. "My Lord Thranduil has asked that you return home."

"No." Ayla replied.

"Then I must take you home by force, My Lady."

"No you won't."

"Forgive me." he said, beginning to approach when Ayla suddenly stood up and whipped around to face him. The anger on her face stopping him in his tracks.

"I will not go back just because the King says so! I will go back when I am ready to go back! And if you dare touch me, so help me I will make you regret this night for the rest of your fucking immortal life! You understand?!"

The elven soldier was at a loss for words as he merely nodded his head and stepped back. It had been many years since Ayla lost her cool but today had been a trial on her nerves and self-control. She had cried herself to near dehydration and all she had left was her rage.

"Go back and tell that man that he will have to wait until I am done helping the allies he abandoned. Go back. Now. And deliver my message."

She watched as the elven soldier mounted his horse and rode back towards the Woodland Realm. Once he disappeared into the night Ayla sat back down with a tired sigh, her shoulders sagging and her aching back hunching forward. Today had been a horrible day.

Thorin climbed the hill to where Ayla sat and sat down beside her. The young prince was aware of the closeness between his mother and Ayla, their friendship to be envied. He took her hand in his, her fingers cold from the night chill. Looking up at her in the moonlight, he could see the streaks on her cheeks where her tears had dried. He felt her grief but knew the pain she felt and the pain he felt were different. He lost his mother. She had lost her friend.

"My people will be leaving in the morning to the other dwarven kingdoms." he said, "Come with me."

"I'm sorry, Thorin, but I can't." Ayla said.

His thick fingers tightened slightly around her hand. "Ayla, I'm begging you. Come with me. Forget that traitor and be with me instead. I can take care of you."

She closed her eyes and took a breath before opening them to look out at the many pyres that were burning the dead to prevent disease. "I'm sorry…I—" she was cut off by Thorin's unexpected kiss. His chapped lips were warm against hers, the hairs of his full beard tickling her skin and her mind going blank as she was taken by surprise.

When he pulled away from the kiss Ayla sucked in a lungful of breath, remembering to breathe as she looked back at Thorin, staring into his blue eyes. It felt so right kissing him.

And it was wrong.

So very wrong.

She couldn't allow this to continue.

She was not going to be the cheater.

She was not going to be unfaithful.

She was not…

(WARNING: If you do not want to read this part skip down the the next marker)

Leaning forward she pressed her lips to his and he responded immediately. Her hands going to link behind his thick neck and pulling him to her as she felt his hands, large and hot press into her back as he pulled her close to him. When they finally parted an image of Thranduil flashed through Ayla's mind and she immediately snapped back to her senses, shoving Thorin away from her as she jumped to her feet.

"I'm sorry—I can't!" she said in a rush before running back to the ruins of Dale.

This was bad.

But it felt so good.

Returning to her tent Ayla paced the small space, trying to calm her racing heart and trying (and failing!) to erase what had happened. She can still smell him, his scent was of leather and oil was musty and heady and oh so gritty that it made her weak in the knees and tingling between her legs. No! Nonononono! Very bad! She had Thranduil. She loved him. She loved him with all her heart…or does she? No, she definitely loves him and her actions tonight was because she was angry with Thranduil for abandoning everyone here.

Yeah, that's right. She's just acting out.

Like a fucking teenager trying to be rebellious.

It was just a kiss. She didn't go any further, kudos for her on that, and it will not go any further.

"Ayla," she heard Thorin's voice and then the sound of the tent flap moving. She turned around to see him right as her candle burned out, casting the tent in darkness with only the orange glow from the pyres still burning outside.

It will not go any further.

Ayla dropped heavily on the bed roll with a tired sigh. She was so tired right now and complications in her life was the last thing she wanted. And Thorin was that complication right now. She had to say something, make sure she stops this before it goes any further.

"Thorin, we can't. We're both grieving and it's been a very stressful day and I don't want to do anything that we'll both regret." Ayla said.

Thorin moved towards her and sat down on his knees in front of her. "Being with you is the one thing I will never regret. I love you with all my heart and I know you love me, too."

"Thorin, please." Ayla said softly, pleading with him to stop as she felt his hands sit heavy on her shoulders. With her sitting down he was at eye level with her and captured her lips with his, his thick hands massaging the balls of her shoulders. She pressed her hands firmly onto his chest and pushed him back, feeling tears welling up in her eyes. "We can't." she said weakly, her voice beginning to break.

"Thranduil abandoned all of us. He abandoned you. If that elf truly loved you and respected our alliance then he would have helped my people, but he didn't. He turned his back on all of us." Thorin said firmly, grabbing her wrists and gently pulling her hands up to his lips, kissing her palms before he pressed closer, moving to sit between her legs and run his hands up the length of her arms. He moved his hands down onto her waist, sliding them up and down slowly, feeling the length and curves of her sides. "But you stayed, even when there was no hope, you stayed. And that's why I love you." he whispered, his breath caressing hotly against her lips. He brought one of his hands up to cup the side of her face. "He is a fool to leave. Any man with eyes can see that you're more than just a beautiful woman. You're kind, courageous, intelligent, strong, and passionate. I would go to war with all of Middle Earth to prove my love and devotion to you."

Ayla was flattered by his words and she would be lying if she said she wasn't attracted to Thorin. She had always found his roguish looks to be a kind of sexy that related to the bad boy in the motorcycle gang in those trashy novels her friend Stacy loved to read. His bold touches gave her goosebumps and ignited a heat between her legs, making her ache for the forbidden, awakening the wild woman she used to be. The wild woman who did whatever made her feel good.

The woman she thought was dead because she had Thranduil.

Thranduil…

Ayla exhaled and she closed her eyes to shut out the world as her hands pushed off his heavy jacket from his broad shoulders and Thorin moved his arms to let it fall to the floor with a thud. She felt Thorin's lips on hers again, hard and needy. She inhaled through her nose, taking in the smell of tanned leather and polishing oil. She slid her outer dress off, now only in her light tunic shirt and fitted trousers. Thorin sat back on his knees, helping her take off her boots and kissed her knees. He moved up her inner leg, kissing a trail up her clothed thigh, pausing for a second, flicking his eyes up to see her silhouette in the dark tent. A rush of heat went through him and he kissed her below her navel and continued to move up her body, his hands groping her waist and up under her breasts. He kissed a trail up her front until he reached her lips and kissed her again and heard her moan softly, sending electricity through his body.

He gasped when he felt her hands slide under his shirt, running up his abdomen and her fingers combing through his chest hairs. He pulled his shirt off quickly and recaptured her lips with his as he pulled her shirt off and his hands roamed over her soft skin. It was too dark to see much of anything and he relied on touch, feeling her skin that was soft like silk, cool in contrast to his hot hands. Her stomach was flat and taut, her waist curving inwards and softly rounded out at the hips. Her breasts were pert yet soft like a pair of pillows, each being a perfect handful in his palms as he massaged them and squeezed them. He groaned and bent down, taking in a pearled nipple into his mouth and kneading the other with his hand. He sucked on the hardened pearl, swirling his tongue around it and giving it a gentle bite while he pinched the other. He heard her gasp and moan, her fingers tangling in his wild dark hair, her nails scraping against his scalp.

His pants became tight as his throbbing cock strained for release; his mouth and hands moving back down her body as his fingers hooked into the waistband of her pants and pulled them down. Ayla raised her hips to help him take her pants off easier, sliding the material down her legs until they were completely off. The cool air raised goosebumps on her exposed legs in contrast to Thorin's hot touches. Thorin's cock throbbed painfully as he lowered his head down to between her legs, his mouth eagerly tasting her. He heard her let out a soft cry as she fell back against the bedroll, his tongue delving into her, drinking her sweet nectar and sucking on her clit. Her hips lifted up and he pressed a hand firmly down on her pelvic, using his other hand and sliding a thick finger between her wet lips.

Ayla covered her mouth with one hand to muffle her voice. His tongue was amazing, driving her close to the edge that she had been craving. He assaulted her pearl of nerves while he moved his finger in and out of her slick folds, adding a second thick finger and already feeling how tight she was around his two digits. He could feel her writhe under his influence, her thighs tightening around his head as he squeezed in a third finger, stretching her inner walls and curving them upward. She bucked up into his mouth and let out a muffled cry of pleasure, her free hand in his hair pulling hard at the roots. It only heightened everything as he continued to feast between her legs until she was quivering from his stimulations, her inner walls convulsing and squeezing his fingers.

Unable to wait any longer he pulled out his fingers and pushed her legs apart as he sat up on his knees. He looked down at her splayed body, licking his wet fingers clean before quickly undoing his belt and dropping his pants, kicking them off as he hungrily watched her sillouette sit up. He kissed one knee and biting the skin as he moved up and repeated the same on the other leg, watching her with predatory eyes as he stroked himself, already rock hard and pulsing. He pushed her thighs apart with his knees and lowered himself over her, his face only going as far as her chest and pushed himself in her, releasing a throaty groan as his eyes rolled to the back of his head. The sensation of being inside her was heaven, the reality infinitely more amazing than his wildest fantasy.

It felt different with Thorin, his girth and length impressive for a dwarf, though he did not go as deep she felt him. Felt his every thrust. His every breath. Her mind going blank from the pleasure he brought her. He moved his hips, his palms sweaty and his heart racing as he looked at the beautiful creature beneath him. Her pert breasts bounced with every thrust he made, her moans loud and breathy as his thrusts became faster and wanton. He was quickly lost in the moment, their skin slapping against each other with no rhythm. He nearly lost his balance as he came hard, his face contorted in uncontained ecstasy before he collapsed atop her, breathing hard to catch his breath. His bearded cheek pressed between her breasts as her chest was rising and falling, her heart pounding away in his ear.

If he wasn't in love before, he was completely in love now. Shamelessly he had taken advantage of the situation, both of them were raw from the turmoil that they had escaped, to top it off they had both lost people they loved and more. In the moment he was in heaven, but come morning he might be cast out and plummet into hell. She might become horrified by what they've done. Appalled even. She might even despise him for taking advantage of her, but that was a worry for the morning as he kissed the center of her chest and moved off of her to lie on his back.

(End of lemon scene)

Ayla stared up at the tent ceiling, already disgusted with herself by what they had just done. She was weak-willed. She was just like her ex-husband: unfaithful and shameless. This had been a mistake that she could have stopped. This was a mistake Thranduil could never know about. Yet she wouldn't lie to him. She had to tell him the truth, even if it will destroy everything. She was not going to keep this secret. She was not going to be like Greg, she was not going to live a lie.

The truth will break Thranduil's heart.

The truth was already breaking hers.

Ayla sat up and grabbed her clothes, hastily putting them back on without so much as looking back at Thorin or saying a word to him.

"Ayla, don't leave." Thorin said, his voice soft. She heard him shift behind her and then felt him pressed against her back, warm and solid with his arms around her. He kissed her between her shoulder blades. "Please stay with me."

"No. This was a mistake that can never happen again." Ayla said firmly, pulling on her boots and lacing them up as quickly as she could. She was exhausted and full of guilt and regret and self-loathing and she couldn't see the lacing of her boots and kept messing up. Frustrated she just shoved the laces into her boots and stood up, getting out of Thorin's embrace. "Goodbye, Thorin."

As a final act of proving to him that it truly was a mistake, Ayla took off her bracelet and threw it at Thorin. He watched her leave and felt his heart break at her rejection. He wanted to run after her but felt any strength he had leave his body.

Yet he still loved her in spite of it all.

xxxxx

Ayla made her journey to Mirkwood alone, on foot. Her mind reeling through the biggest mistake of her life. Twice she had to stop as she became overwhelmed and hyperventilated, struggling through her panic attacks. She also contemplated of simply not going back to Mirkwood and disappearing south or find a cave to hide in forever. She felt so stupid for giving in to temptation, for sleeping with Thorin. It had been hot and raw and spontaneous—it had been a reminder of what was missing between her and Thranduil—a spark of passion. This was a mess; a mess she had to clean up.

You reap what you sew, Ayla.

Walking away from Thorin and throwing his gift back at him was a start. Facing Thranduil will be harder because she couldn't walk away from him. She could only hope that he can somehow forgive her. Maybe call it even for abandoning their allies? No. That's low, even for her.

Her world was falling apart.

xxxxx

When Ayla finally returned Thranduil had never seen her look so sullen. It was as if she had lost the will to continue fighting, her spirit broken from what she had gone through in Erebor and Dale. His heart went out to her; it truly did, knowing she was disappointed in him for his inaction to help their allies. He suspected that she would be furious with him but it did not deter him from reaching out to her, to hold her in his arms again, but she physically shrank away from him. Withdrawing from his touch and not meeting his eyes as she simply hurried away from him.

Her blatant rejection was telling enough: she was beyond approach right now. She will need time and some space, but that was a luxury Thranduil did not want to give. He was King after all.

xxxxx

Ayla had retreated to her old room, hiding away for three days, speaking to no one. Only Kwenthrith seemed to be the only one she would speak with, though their conversations were often short where Ayla would barely speak more than a few words at a time. The elf maiden knew there was more going on than just the attack from Smaug and she was determined to get to the root of Ayla's inner turmoil.

"Ayla, I am your friend and I am worried about you." Kwenthrith said; sitting on her knees at Ayla's feet from where she sat at the small table, a plate of food going untouched (Kwenthrith had noted that Ayla was refusing to eat or drink). Kwenthrith took Ayla's hands in hers. "Please, share with me. Tell me what is really going on with you. I am here for you."

She saw tears welling up in Ayla's eyes before spilling over, sliding down her pale cheeks. "I…I was unfaithful." she said, her words were hushed but Kwenthrith was able to hear every word and felt her stomach drop at what had been said. Instantly Ayla burst into a sob, covering her face with her hands, her shoulders shaking from her sobbing.

Kwenthrith had no doubt of Ayla's regret, seeing the woman had been punishing herself for straying into another's arms. At the moment the reasons for Ayla betraying Thranduil was speculation, attributing to any reason: Thranduil turning his army away from helping their allies came to mind. There was also the stress of emotional and physical exhaustion. There was also the more common knowledge that things between Ayla and Thranduil had cooled significantly since their attempts at trying for a baby had been unsuccessful. Her heart ached for her friend, knowing there was nothing she can do but give her the comfort and support she obviously needed, and as hard as it will be, to also reveal the truth to Thranduil.

He just might forgive her due to his inaction with the dragon.

"Ayla, you have to tell him." Kwenthrith said, gently pulling her hands away from her face, now red from her crying. "This secret is eating you up inside and it will only get worse the longer you keep it to yourself."

She saw the hesitation and fear in Ayla's anguished expression.

"Do not be like your former husband who had been unfaithful to you in secret. Do not allow Lord Thranduil to stumble upon this truth like you did in your previous relationship." Kwenthrith said sternly.

"What secret?"

Both women jumped and looked to the door to see Thranduil standing there, his expression unreadable. Kwenthrith stood up quickly and faced him while Ayla remained seated, too frozen by dread to stand.

"Leave us." Thranduil ordered and Kwenthrith bowed her head and headed towards the door, pausing long enough to look back at Ayla, willing her friend to have strength before leaving the room.

Thranduil slowly approached Ayla, taking the other seat at the small table. He took in her posture; her shoulders slumped forward, making her look smaller and frail. Her face and eyes were still red from crying and her hair hung loose around her shoulders, acting as a curtain to hide behind. Whatever secret Kwenthrith had spoken of was clearly big enough to cause Ayla so much misery and it worried him. It was obviously a secret he was not going to like.

He liked it even less knowing that Kwenthrith knew before him.

"Ayla," he began, his tone a little softer as he tried to get her attention. "What secret did Kwenthrith speak of?"

Ayla turned her face away from him, trying to control her tears as she sniffed back her running nose. She was terrified to tell him, but Kwenthrith was right, she didn't want to repeat the cycle of her previous marriage with Greg. She didn't want to keep this secret hoping it will never be known. But she didn't want to lose him. She still loved him deeply.

"Ayla, look at me."

She did, turning her face to look at him.

"Tell me."

"I…" her mouth was dry and her stomach tightened with anxiety. "…I slept with Thorin." Ayla couldn't keep looking at him, too ashamed of what she had done.

Thranduil felt as if he had been plunged into glacier cold water, gripping his heart and squeezing it tightly without mercy. He was angry. Very angry. If he didn't like that dwarf before he absolutely loathed him now. He was also hurt and betrayed that Ayla had been unfaithful, and even though he can see that she was remorseful of her actions it still didn't take away the impact of what she's done. She had betrayed his trust.

But then again, so had he.

But…

"How could you?" he asked, feeling his heart break.

Ayla choked on a sob, covering her mouth with shaking hands to muffle her crying. She couldn't speak, her throat seizing through the sobs that wracked her body again. She didn't see Thranduil rise up from his seat until he was suddenly in front of her, gripping her upper arms tightly and forcing her up to her feet. She looked up at him through her wet lashes, seeing the hurt and anger on his beautiful face; his grey eyes searching her face for an answer.

"Tell me! How could you?!" he demanded, shaking her firmly.

Her mouth flapped open and closed, trying to form the words but nothing came to mind. She couldn't even think, too panicked and scared that she'll say the wrong thing. He had never been physical with her whenever he was angry or upset, but she felt that if he did hit her it was well deserved for what she's done. She became the thing she vowed to never become: a cheater.

"I'm sorry." she wept, more hot tears streaming down her cheeks. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Why would you do this to me? Were you angry with me? Was it for revenge?" Thranduil was shouting at her now as he shook her body roughly. Ayla denied his accusations through her tears. His grip on her only tightening as he grew angrier, becoming blinded by the hurt and rage. "Was my love for you not enough?"

"It was enough!" Ayla cried, "It still is!"

"Then why?!" he yelled, shaking her again.

Because I'm weak. Because I wanted it. Because I'm a terrible, selfish person deep down. Her throat was tight, keeping her from speaking.

"Tell me how you could simply lay with that dwarf?! Harlot!" he yelled releasing her and before he could stop himself he backhanded her across the face. Ayla's head snapped to the right and the force of his hit knocked her off her feet and she fell onto her side.

"Naneth!"

The sound of Legolas' voice snapped Thranduil back and he stared wide eyed at Ayla on the floor, where Legolas had ran to her side and dropped to his knees, helping her sit up. Ayla brought a shaking hand up to her cheek and touched it gingerly, wincing at the pain as she pulled her hand in front of her view to see blood on her fingertips. One of Thranduil's rings had cut her cheek and he felt his stomach sour at the sight.

"Ada, what are you doing?" Legolas asked, turning his blue eyes onto his father, confused as to why his father would strike his mother. He could see that his father was equally stunned by his actions. Legolas turned his attention back on Ayla, seeing the bleed on her cheek still dripping from the wound.

Thranduil turned away and left the room, holding onto what little pride he had left before he caused a larger rift. He hadn't meant to hit her, he just wanted to know why she betrayed him but he had been so angry—he was still angry—and he lost control of his temper and lashed out at her. He was ashamed of how he handled the truth. In hindsight he knew Ayla regretted what she had done and she had been forthcoming of what she did, the tears and her unwillingness to be near him was all because she felt guilty about it. On top of that she returned when she could have simply ran away and allowed her regrets and guilt to eat away at her. He recalled the untouched plate of food; she had been punishing herself by starving herself.

He stopped abruptly in the corridor as a thought occurred to him: did she want him to hit her like he did? Was she seeking punishment for sleeping with another man? And he did hit her; he hit her hard enough to cut her cheek with his ring. Looking down at the back of his hand he saw her blood smeared on the knuckles. He was disgusted with himself. He allowed his anger to cloud his judgment.

"Ada, what happened? Why would you strike at naneth like that?" Legolas asked as he caught up to Thranduil. Looking at his son he could see the anger written clearly on his face, ready to defend Ayla. It was clear that she did not tell him and as much as he wanted to keep it just between him and Ayla he once more found himself unable to stop.

"She is not your naneth. That woman is a whore who sleeps with dwarves behind my back." he said, his words venomous and cold. It had not been the words he wanted to say but then again, he was angry and hurt, and lashing out right now helped him vent, but he knew that what he said had been a poor choice. Legolas looked stunned and in disbelief, and Thranduil was in no mood to explain further as he turned and continued on his path to put as much distance between himself and Ayla. He didn't trust himself around her right now; he feared he would do something worse than slap her next time.

xxxxx

After he had time to cool off Thranduil was able to calmly think things through. He had to commend Ayla for telling him the truth, regardless of how awful it is. He just never suspected their relationship had been in trouble until now. Thinking back on the last decade at least their struggle to conceive had become a dark cloud hanging over their heads, and he never stopped to consider Ayla's feelings, never thinking that perhaps she had been under a lot of pressure. They had not made it secret that they were trying and the expectation and anticipation for their announcement had obviously been weighing on her.

They also had argued the night before she had left. She accused him of suffocating her by keeping her locked up and refusing her to traverse between their home and Erebor. Did his good intentions of wanting to keep her safe simply drove her off and into another man's arms? Was it only the one time or were her visits to Erebor was because she and Thorin had been established as lovers long before Smaug attacked? No, her tears and admission indicated that it had only been the one time. Yet he knew that he was part of the blame for her infidelity, but it didn't excuse her actions.

This was all too upsetting and he felt it was best to speak to Ayla in a calmer fashion. He also needed to apologize for hitting her.

xxxxx

After Thranduil had rushed out of her room Legolas had helped Ayla to her bed, but didn't know what to do about her cheek that continued to bleed. Ayla didn't seem to register much after Thranduil had left, not noticing that Legolas had left and Kwenthrith had returned with a tray to tend to her wound. It was a surprise to Kwenthrith to see that Ayla's wound wasn't healing like it normally did and the elf maiden had to wonder if it had something to do with Ayla's mental and emotional state. And Kwenthrith could only guess that it had to do with Ayla's broken heart.

Kwenthrith did her best in tending to Ayla's wound, managing to clean the blood and stop the bleeding. After applying ointment onto the wound Kwenthrith managed to get Ayla to drink a little bit of water and tried to get her to eat a bit of food. Kwenthrith then helped Ayla change into her nightgown and then into bed to get some much needed rest. She stayed with Ayla, seeing that her friend was suffering more now that the truth was revealed and Kwenthrith's heart ached for her.

She looked to the door when she heard it open and saw Thranduil entering the room. Kwenthrith stood up from where she sat, her jaw clenching as she looked from where Ayla laid resting to her King.

"Leave us." Thranduil ordered, and when he saw Kwenthrith hesitating he added, "Please."

Kwenthrith hesitated another second before nodding and picking up her tray of first aid and left the room. Thranduil closed the door softly after the woman before walking over to the bed where Ayla laid beneath the covers. His heart clenched when he saw the wound on her cheek, the wound he inflicted on her. But it should have been completely healed by now. Was it because he gave her the wound? Was that the reason why it wouldn't heal?

He brought one of the chairs from the small table over to the side of the bed and sat down in it, watching her sleep. Or at least pretending to sleep.

"I know you're awake." he said, and watched as Ayla opened her eyes and sat up. She didn't look at her, choosing to focus on her lap. "Will you tell me why you betrayed me the way you did?"

"Will you?" she asked quietly, throwing his question back at him. "Why did you turn your army away?"

"It would have been a pointless slaughter for my people."

"But you could have stayed to help those people."

"It would have invited further chaos at our doorstep with refugees that we cannot sustain."

"You still could have provided aid to them. Do you have any idea how many people had died? How many times I had to tell someone that their loved ones are dead?" she asked, turning her head to look at him. "When I left people were still digging out bodies from the rubble. My friends have lost their lives and their homes. I worked tirelessly to help as many people as I could, and that was emotionally draining. At least I didn't abandon them in their time of need."

"Of course, you simply stayed long enough to lay with another man to spite me." Thranduil said bitterly.

Ayla bristled at his words, her hands clenching in her lap. "Yes, I slept with another man, and I'm not going to lie and say that I didn't enjoy it." Thranduil clenched his jaw at that. "But when it was over all I could think about was you, and how much I had messed up. And I could have said nothing to you and kept it a secret, but I didn't want to lie to you because I love you."

She was right, she could have said nothing and he would never have known, but she did tell him and it put him to shame.

"Your wound did not heal." he said softly, wishing to reach out and stroke her injured cheek but he resisted the urge.

"My heart is broken." she said, and his heart clenched at her words.

"I'm sorry for hitting you. I should never have lost my temper the way I did." Thranduil said.

Ayla nodded once in acknowledgement of his apology, looking back down at her lap. "I'd like to be alone right now."

Thranduil stood up and quietly left, his heart heavier than when he arrived. He knew it would take a great deal of time for the two of them to heal and work things out, but he was unsure if he could ever trust Ayla again.

But he would never know because the next morning, Ayla was gone.

xxxxx

Several years had gone by and Ayla travelled through small villages, helping the sick and injured and falling back into her old routine. She never stayed in one place for too long, a week would be the limit before she would leave. She had journeyed as far as the Northern Mountains where the Rangers resided, meeting a group of them led by a man named Arathorn whom she befriended. She stayed with the Rangers for a time, even teaching them basic first aid and how to utilize what they had as last minute tools. She travelled with them to the Blue Mountains where they then parted ways and Ayla had gone to see the dwarves in hopes of seeing familiar faces.

She did.

She saw many familiar faces and many more new faces. Ayla was relieved to be a welcomed guest, having feared that they would resent her because of her association with Thranduil, but they held no such grudges.

"Ayla!" came a feminine voice when Ayla entered the grand dining hall. Ayla looked up and immediately felt a wide grin spread across her face at the sight of an old friend she had feared perished in Erebor.

"Dis!" Ayla called back, running up to the dwarven woman. She bent down and hugged her tightly, overjoyed to see her friend. When she pulled back from the hug Ayla noticed two small faces peeking out from behind Dis. Ayla looked at Dis' face and then down at the two smaller faces. "Dis, you're a mother?"

Dis gave her a toothy grin. "I am. Meet my sons, Fili and Kili."

Ayla lowered down to her knees, smiling warmly at the two boys who were obviously a few years apart. Fili had golden hair and a long nose that she was sure he would one day grow into, while Kili had dark hair like his mother. "Hello." she greeted.

"Boys, this is my very good friend, Ayla. Remember the stories of the Mother of Mercy? This is her." Dis said.

Fili, who was the oldest, was also rather shy and hid behind his mother's skirt while Kili, who was just a toddler waddled up to Ayla with his arms up to her. Ayla giggled as she picked up the boy in her arms and hugged him close. Dwarven children were absolutely adorable and Ayla couldn't help but compare them to cabbage patch kids dolls she used to have as a child, especially when they were as small as Kili. Seeing his brother finding nothing to fear, Fili quickly joined him, going up to Ayla who scooped him up in her other arm.

"Oh my goodness! You two are just so adorable!" Ayla exclaimed, hugging them tightly to her. "Oh, Dis, I'm so happy for you."

Dis laughed as she took Kili in her arms while Ayla continued to hold Fili (since compared to her size he was no bigger than a two year old human), and led her towards the head of the table where Ayla paused and felt her stomach drop. She had suspected that she would run into him, but she had hoped that she wouldn't. Fate truly seemed to enjoy giving her the middle finger.

"Sit here next to me." Dis said, as another dwarf pulled out the chair for Ayla. Taking the offered seat, Ayla suddenly felt very awkward sitting at the table. She looked diagonally to her right to see Thorin staring at her and she felt trapped under his piercing gaze.

"Are you magic?" Fili suddenly asked, blessedly distracting Ayla as she looked down at him.

"Fili, honestly!" Dis sighed.

"It's all right, Dis." Ayla said as she smiled down at Fili, seeing that he inherited the eyes that all of Durin's Folk seem to have. "I am not magic, just human."

"But ma says you is." Fili said.

Ayla giggled lightly as she glanced at Dis who just shrugged. "And what else did your ma say about me?"

"Ma says you help people." Fili said.

"That's right; I help people when they are sick or hurt." Ayla replied.

Fili continued his endless stream of questions until Dis told him to eat. "What brings you here, Ayla?" Dis asked before taking a bite of her roast.

"I am merely passing through. I had been travelling for a bit with the Rangers of the Northern Mountains. They were kind enough to escort me here." Ayla said.

"One would think you had run back to your elven lover." Thorin spoke gruffly, not bothering to look up from his plate. "Hiding away from the world with his kin like cowards."

"Thorin!" Dis said sharply at her brother.

"It's fine, Dis." Ayla said, even though she was bristling on the inside. "He is entitled to his anger. As are the rest of your people."

"Nobody here resents you, Ayla." Dis said, putting her hand on Ayla's forearm.

"You'd be surprised."

xxxxx

That night after dinner Ayla was shown to her room by Dis. She had been given one of the royal guest suites, which was far too large and lavish. She always wondered why dwarves felt compelled to have such large living space for being of short stature. Regardless, at least the dwarves were brilliant engineers and had indoor plumbing which meant she was able to draw a nice hot bath for herself. The tub was deep and wide and large enough that she could stretch her legs out. The hot water soothed her aching muscles and the bath salts the dwarves used made her skin soft.

As she soaked, she thought of Thorin and the look he had when he saw her. He didn't look angry (though she was sure he was after how she cruelly left him), he looked…she didn't know how to describe how he looked. It was definitely complex, and there was definitely buried hurt beneath the surface. Hurt that she caused. Maybe coming here had been a bad decision. With a heavy sigh she reached for the drain plug and pulled it out before standing up from the water and getting out of the tub.

After she dried herself and pulled on a nightgown Dis had given her (which reached just above her knees when on a dwarf it would reach their toes), luckily the nightgown had no sleeves and the neckline wasn't too low. On top of that it was also lucky that dwarven and human anatomy weren't too different, the dwarves merely had shorter limbs. Ayla walked to the mirror and stood in front of it, taking in her reflection and seeing that she had lost weight again from all her travelling. Her left cheek had healed ages ago, but it certainly had taken a long time to heal. She did her best not to remember the day she got the wound.

A knock came at her door then and Ayla hesitated a moment before verbalizing to enter. She turned towards the door, her stomach sinking when she saw that it was Thorin as he closed the door behind him. He paused when he saw Ayla standing in the middle of her room, dressed only in her nightgown that clearly was too short for her tall stature. Her exposed legs and arms revealed how pale and smooth her skin was and Thorin remembered all too well as his fingers twitched at his sides, craving to touch her. She was still beautiful, and his body ached to embrace her again, and his heart still pounded rapidly at the very sight of her.

Because he still loved her even though she ripped his heart out.

Ayla attempted to cover herself with her arms, though it was a feeble attempt. "Thorin, what are you doing here?" she asked, still feeling a little awkward to meet his eyes.

"Is it not obvious?" he asked softly.

She closed her eyes as she attempted to control the blush that was creeping up her cheeks. "Please leave, Thorin."

"No, there was too much left unsaid that night."

She opened her eyes and looked at him, feeling a spark of frustration igniting within her chest. "I thought I made it clear."

"You did," he said, beginning to take steps towards her. "You made it painfully clear."

"Then what else is there to say?" Ayla asked, unable to help but take a step back with every step forward Thorin made until the back of her legs hit the bed.

Thorin stopped just an arm's reach away from her and looked up at her, his eyes showing so much emotion that it pulled at her heart. "You ripped my heart out that night, when I exposed it so openly to you. And I know why you did that. You were aiming to hurt me, to make me hate you, and it worked. I held onto my bitterness, resenting you for going back to that traitor, thinking I will never see you again. I was sure that I had buried all my feelings for you until I saw you again tonight and it all came rushing back to me; and I realized all too keenly that my heart still belongs to you."

Thorin reached into his front pocket and held up the bracelet Ayla had thrown away. Ayla sucked in a sharp breath and felt her strength drain from her as she sank onto the bed, tears stinging her eyes and threatening to spill. Then a bitter laugh escaped her.

"After everything I said and did…you're such an idiot." Ayla said; turning her face away from him as the tears she was trying to hold back fell down her cheeks.

"Yes, I suppose I am." Thorin said softly, reaching out and cupping Ayla's cheek, turning her head back towards him. He carefully swiped his thumb over her cheekbone, wiping away the tears as he looked into her brown eyes that still held in so much pain and regret. "I find that when it comes to you I am too quick to forgive. I forgive you, Ayla, and I also apologize for taking advantage of you that night."

"Don't apologize," she said, gently removing his hands from her face. "I used you that night because I was hurting."

Thorin moved to sit beside her, resisting the urge to take her hand in his, afraid of her pulling away from him. "What happened after you left? Did you go back to him?"

"I did."

"Did he find out about what we did?"

"Yes…I told him."

He looked at her in shock. "What? Why would you tell him?"

"Because I didn't want to lie to him." Ayla said, "Did you know that I was married before?"

"No, I did not."

"My previous husband was having an affair with my half-sister and I walked in on them, catching them in the act. The timing of it all had been unfortunate because I had also just lost my child the day before, a child that only had a few months left before I would have given birth. I held onto that scar for many, many years. It's the reason why I had closed myself off for so long, because I couldn't bring myself to trust anyone. Thranduil…he was the first man I ever allowed myself to open up to. To completely trust. Then I broke that trust with you, turning into the one thing that had caused all my pain in the past."

Thorin swallowed, his throat dry all of a sudden. "I'm sorry."

"I left because I couldn't handle the guilt. Like you, I've lost my home." Ayla said, turning her head to look at him. Thorin looked back at her, noticing how sitting next to each other put them at eye level with each other.

"You are welcome to call these halls your home." Thorin said.

"Do you think of this place as your home, Thorin?"

Her question gave Thorin pause as he thought back to that horrible day and the months that followed while he and people wandered aimlessly through the lands, homeless and without hope. He then remembered his vow to take back the mountain from that fire drake and reclaim his rightful place. He looked into Ayla's brown eyes and imagined her wearing a gown of fine silk adorned with sparkling gems that would make the stars in the heaven burn with envy.

"I will reclaim my homeland one day soon."