"Specimen zero-two-eight," Su said in a monotone. "One ounce of antimony regulus."
Harry touched his fingertip to a lustrous silvery pellet atop the desk and attempted to take it into his malletspace. A jolt like those that wake one up at night shot through him, but the pellet refused to vanish. He grimaced.
Su's gloved fingers formed a sideways 'V' before the shadows hiding her face. "Negative."
Slumping in his chair, he cast his gaze around the spartan office. She had convinced him to employ the Department of Mysteries' expertise to restore his malletspace, but so far they hadn't even figured out what damage the demon had caused. As much as he wanted his power back—and as much as he preferred to be experimented on by Su instead of some creepy geezer—his patience was running thin.
"This isn't working. How much 'data collection' do we have to do before you admit it's pointless?"
"There's an order to these things." Plucking the pellet off the desk, Su deposited it into a labeled compartment inside a glass case. Her gloved hand hovered over a similar nugget next to it before moving on. "Let's skip Tellurium."
He drummed his fingers against the desktop. "Can't we skip the whole thing and go straight to the fun part? This place is full of freaky arcane stuff, yet here I am poking pebbles."
Her darkness-shrouded cowl faced him. The sight had long since ceased being unnerving, so he merely offered her an unapologetic shrug.
She turned to a quill that was hovering over a self-unrolling parchment. "Subject uncooperative. Terminating session."
The quill scribbled the words and lay down. At a tap of Su's wand, the parchment folded into an airplane and glided toward the door.
"That makes me sound like a tosser."
She cocked her head at him.
He raised his hands. "Okay, maybe I was being one. Just a little."
She inclined her head ever so slightly.
Snorting, he linked his hands and stretched them above his head. "What now, Fennec? Is your poor test subject allowed to go?"
"Unspeakables don't give up." She closed her sample case and put it away in a heavy cabinet against the wall.
He swiveled on his chair to face her. "Are we finally going to try something different?"
Making a noise of confirmation, she approached him until the toes of their shoes touched. "The fun part."
He tilted his head back to look her in the eye—or the shadowy cowl, as it were. "Which is..."
She leaned in to whisper. "Consulting someone who knew Britain's best runescribes."
His nostrils flared as he caught a whiff of her perfume. It took him several seconds to figure out who she meant. What the heck, he was no longer a schoolboy to get flustered like this. "Right! She even remembers the Found—"
Her finger pressed against his lips, making him go cross-eyed. With her other hand, she gestured covertly at the ceiling.
His eyes widened, and he nodded. Him and his big mouth. If the Unspeakables caught wind of Hogwarts's personification, they would no doubt descend upon the castle with drills in hand.
Su pulled away, strode to the door, and cracked it open to let out the airplane that had been bumping against it. He made sure the faded ritual schematic was in his pocket and rose to his feet. With memories that spanned centuries, perhaps Hogwarts would be able to make sense of it.
A root sticking out of the roof of the tunnel bumped against Harry's forehead. He brushed off the streak of dirt it had left and hunched lower. Su walked ahead with her back straight and her wand raised to light the way. Sneaking in through the secret passage had been an unspoken decision: McGonagall wouldn't have left him unsupervised, and the fewer people saw an Unspeakable strolling into Hogwarts, the better.
His gaze strayed to Su's backside, cruelly concealed by shapeless grey robes. Another root whacked him across the face, and he swore under his breath.
"Do you have to wear your uniform?" he asked, adjusting his askew glasses. "It's not like your identity needs protection from me."
She continued walking without a backward glance. "I'm still on the clock."
"Is that just protocol, or will they know if you take it off?" His eyebrows rose when she only made a noncommittal noise. "Don't tell me you actually can't talk about it. I warned you about that place."
Her cowl swished his way. "I like it."
"Fair enough," he muttered, turning sideways to squeeze through the narrowing tunnel. Passing the worst stretch, he dusted off his robes and caught up to Su, who had slowed considerately.
"When did you visit last?" she asked over her shoulder.
He hmmed. "Not since before the, uh, incident."
"The one where you summoned an extraplanar monstrosity that nearly devastated the world?"
He glared at her back. "You know perfectly well that's the one. Man, will you ever let me live it down? Everyone does stupid things while drunk."
"Just clarifying." He had a hunch she was smiling. "You should come by more often."
"Why's that?"
"H sulked the whole time you were off 'fostering interspecies relations'." The light wavered as she employed her wand to repair a crumbling wall. "How did that go, by the way?"
Had he really put that in his note? He had to learn to phrase things better. "Um, swimmingly. Fostered a lot of relations. Yeah."
"Slovakia, wasn't it? There was news of a major blow dealt to a crime syndicate. Apparently, they were after a harpy egg."
"Huh. Eastern Europe sure is a dangerous place." He kept a poker face when she glanced back at him. "Tony and I were just touristing, so I wouldn't know anything about crime syndicates."
She stared for a few seconds, then faced forward. "As long as you're alright."
"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"
He tugged at his collar as he watched her retreating back, then hastened after her. She couldn't have known, right? Tony and he had sworn not to babble for the safety of the tribe. The tribe that now included their offspring.
He rubbed at the tightness in his chest. Must be getting out of shape.
Lost in thought, he bumped into Su and murmured an apology. The tunnel ended in a steep stone slide. He stooped to offer her a leg up and boosted her up the slide with a grunt. A grinding noise came, then a dim light. He wedged his fingertips into the gaps in the stonework and clambered up. His shoulders barely fit through. Had it always been this cramped?
Slipping out of the hump of the one-eyed witch, he landed in the third-floor corridor to witness Su rake her fingers over herself as though pulling on a cloak. Color stained her grey robes, mimicking the texture of the walls and melding her with the surroundings.
He whistled. "That's nifty."
Fishing out his wand—really, pockets were for plebeians—he tapped the crown of his head and watched himself become see-through. He started toward a tapestry that hid a passage leading two floors up, then glanced at Su.
Who was, of course, effectively invisible.
"Er," he said, "we didn't quite think this through, did we?"
"Give me your hand."
He squinted. No telltale shimmer betrayed her location, but because they stood before a window, he could see a gap in the sunlit dust motes. A disturbance rippled through them as she presumably extended her hand. He reached for it, but his fingers instead brushed the coarse fabric of her robes. Not to be deterred, he blindly felt around.
"Sorry," he said, his lips curving up, "it's so difficult when you can't see—"
Her finger jabbed him in the ribs, causing him to clutch his side. "So it is."
"Peace," he wheezed and raised his hands in capitulation.
Her hand unerringly found his left, and she pulled him toward the main staircase. He glanced back at the tapestry, then sighed and fell in step.
"You could've just followed me," he said. "That cowl lets you see auras, right?"
"Those can get intense."
"Ah," he said, recalling her reaction to his robes. "Hogwarts must be overwhelming."
"Yet spectacular."
Not for the first time, he found himself envious. The aura-reading enchantment documented by Curse-Breakers required such an obscene number of runes that he had long given up on carving them on his sleek spectacles.
As they continued down the corridor, Su began tracing his fingers with her own, base to tip, from one to the next. He looked askance in her direction.
Her fingers stilled abruptly. "It's incredible."
"Huh? Oh." He wiggled his fingers, whole and unscarred. The Philosopher's Stone had left a bigger mark on him than he had suspected. "Yeah, it's good to have the whole set again. Typing with just three of them sucked."
She gave his hand a light squeeze. "Sorry for your suffering."
He flashed her chameleonic silhouette a grin. "At least you understand! Sirius thought I was upset because I couldn't use that hand to—er, never mind."
They arrived at the staircase and began a long climb. The classes were over, so no crowds trooped from one floor to another, but some duos and trios meandered about, complaining about unfair professors or speculating who was going out with who.
His gaze lingered nostalgically on a pair of Ravenclaws, who had their noses buried in books as they walked. A group of Gryffindors trailing behind exchanged elbow nudges and pointed their wands at the pair. He swiftly drew his and tied together the shoelaces of the boy in the lead, who yelped and fell, much to the amusement of his comrades.
"I've been hexed!" cried the red-faced boy. "Look, you daft gits!" He gestured at his shoes.
Harry untied the shoelaces with another colorless charm and snickered when the boy's assertions were met with more laughter. Su heaved a tiny sigh, and giving the commotion a wide berth, dragged him upstairs.
When they came up to the sixth floor, the staircase swiveled with a grinding noise and connected to a landing leading to the Astronomy Tower.
He tugged Su's hand. "Come on, there's a staircase behind the statue of that Ainsley bloke."
She preceded him into the corridor. "I was a prefect."
"Trust me, I remember. I'm still miffed you never told me the password to the prefects' bathroom after Flitwick took away my badge."
"You'd have been disappointed. The steam and the bubbles are enchanted to censor."
He halted in his tracks. "What, they get in the way if you try to get an eyeful? Seriously?"
Su sighed. "Every time."
"That's... that's just evil." His eyes narrowed. "And you never thought to tell me this? For years, I thought I was one measly passphrase away from that soapy, luscious, mixed-gender heaven!"
Her laughter tinkled in the air. "I didn't want to ruin your fantasy."
"Cheers," he said flatly, resuming walking. "At least I wasn't missing out on much, I guess."
They rounded a corner and entered a deserted corridor. A statue of an elderly wizard leaning on a staff loomed at its end. Harry hummed as he tried to recall the faces of the other female prefects during the last years of his tuition, then turned to Su.
"If you know that, you must've tried to get a peek or two, right?" He grinned widely. "Maybe checked out your fellow prefects while soaking in a bath together? Bet that steam doesn't cover everything."
She made a thoughtful noise. "I could tell that Cedric had a fine arse, and—"
"Okay, whoa, too much information! Forget I asked."
She laughed again, and letting go of his hand, hurried to the statue. Wood tapped stone, and her voice said, "Audentes fortuna iuvat."
The statue contorted into a creaking bow and shuffled aside. The stonework behind split into a gloomy passage, and a damp draft rustled the hems of their robes. Before they could step inside, brisk footsteps echoed, and a black-robed figure emerged from the passage.
There was a dull thump, then a distressed oath. The newcomer backpedaled and caught herself against the jamb. Her uniform, slightly overlarge for her lanky frame, was adorned with a silvery badge.
"Who's there?" she demanded, whipping out her wand. "Show yourself! Homenum—"
"No need." Su's figure shimmered into view. Her voice was slightly nasal, and her left hand was up in her cowl.
The prefect gaped, then hesitantly lowered her wand. An Unspeakable? Why are you here?"
Su straightened up, causing the prefect to take a step back. "A mission. Your discretion would be appreciated."
"How do I know you're for real?" Tapping her wand against her thigh, the prefect peered at her suspiciously. "What's the mission?"
Su's cowl turned to where Harry had flattened himself against the wall. "Extermination."
The prefect's eyes widened. "Extermination?"
She nodded. "Of a lecherous poltergeist."
The prefect's brow knitted. "You don't mean Peeves, do you? Professor Sinistra hasn't said a word about this..."
Taking that as his cue, he held his breath and crept up to the witch. Inches away, he sniffed loudly. "You smell good."
The prefect squeaked and flailed her arms. Narrowly avoiding her long nails, he retreated a few steps and made a loud slurping noise.
Su clicked her tongue. "It's taken a liking to you. Get some salt and throw it over your shoulder."
Pivoting in place with her wand raised, the prefect spared her a glance. "What? I never heard of such magic—"
Harry twirled his wand, producing a chilly breeze that swept down the corridor whipping the witches' robes about their calves.
"Nice knickers." He cackled lecherously.
Shrieking, the prefect pressed her fluttering skirt down and fled behind a corner. He lowered his wand.
Su shuddered theatrically. "Exceedingly creepy."
He sent her a dubious glance. "It was your idea."
"I didn't expect you to traumatize the poor girl."
"Oh, be quiet," he grumbled. "She's probably ransacking the kitchens for salt because of you right now. Oi, you just laughed, didn't you? Don't try to hide it, I heard you."
Su tugged on her cowl and stepped into the dark passage. "She bumped my nose."
"So a little owie warrants the abuse of your authority?" He shrugged as she glanced back at him. "Don't get me wrong, I'd do the same. There has to be some benefit to slaving away under a bunch of crackpots."
"We're doing important work," she said, conspicuously not jumping to the defense of her bosses.
Snorting, he followed her up the narrow stairs. The height of the staircase seemed significantly lower than the distance between the floors, but that was Hogwarts for you.
Light bathed the staircase as Su opened the exit. Sticking her head through, she looked both ways before stepping out. She hadn't camouflaged herself again, perhaps secure in her knowledge that there were no portraits on the seventh floor besides Barnabas the Barmy, who wasn't much for talking. Trailing her, Harry pondered the morality of painting someone semi-sentient, only to subject them to being clobbered by trolls for eternity.
They were halfway down the corridor when a thundering voice made them freeze. "Halt! Halt and name thyself! Why you be sneaking around with your face hidden like a rogue?"
He groaned. Sure, there were no local portraits, but the more colorful characters had a habit of touring around the castle. Canceling his Disillusionment, he gently nudged down the wand Su had raised at the tapestry.
"Peace, Cadogan. She's with me."
The knight leaned precariously off his saddle to get a better look at him. "I'll be! Well met, young sorcerer. Your victory over Voldemort was all the talk among us, but you never once came to see me."
He shrugged. "Sorry, I guess."
With a jangle of his plate armor, Cadogan raised a hand. "Never mind, never mind, I expect a hero has more important matters to attend to. But pray tell, did you distract that cur afore letting him taste your blade like I taught you?"
He blinked, then laughed. "I... kind of did, come to think of it. Solid advice, sir knight, thank you."
"Gets them every time!" Cadogan thundered. "Now, I must bid you farewell. My own battle awaits!" Saluting, he nudged his pony with his heels and trotted off.
Su watched him ride off through the tapestries, then slowly turned toward Harry.
"Man talk," he said. "You wouldn't understand."
He instantly regretted his quip when she drew her wand and flicked it in his direction, but no hex flew at him. Voices echoed behind, and glancing back, he saw a translucent film stretch across the corridor.
"Ah... concealment? Good call." Tittering, he scurried past her and toward the entrance to the Room of Requirement.
Passing the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy, inside which Sir Cadogan charged the trolls with an enthusiastic cry of "Have at thee!", he paced back and forth. A familiar wooden door shimmered into being, but when he turned the handle, it didn't budge.
"Hogwarts?" He rapped his knuckles against the door, then glanced over his shoulder. A gaggle of upper-years appeared at the turn of the corridor but showed no sign of seeing him or Su. When she glanced his way, he shrugged and gestured at the door.
Seconds ticked on. Jostling and laughing, the upper-years ambled toward the filmy boundary. Su backtracked toward him and weaved another charm before the gaggle crossed the first, causing it to vanish without a trace.
Shifting on his feet, he raised his hand again, but the door abruptly swung inward revealing Hogwarts against the backdrop of her quarters. His eyebrows shot up. Gone were her customary black robes, replaced by a cream sundress that contrasted with her ebony hair. Her violet eyes appeared larger, and her crimson lips stood out against her pale skin.
"Hi," she said breathlessly. Her gaze darted over his shoulder, and the smile she had been wearing wavered. "Oh! Hello, Su."
"Good to see you, H," Su said, striding up. "May we?"
She nodded and held the door open as they filed inside. Harry surveyed the wood-paneled foyer. After getting the hang of it, Hogwarts had remodeled her original quarters by creating a living room and moving her bedroom deeper in, and each time he dropped by, there was something new in the decor.
Su threw back her cowl and opened her arms for a hug, which H gave after a beat. They were almost the same height now, and he fully expected Hogwarts to overtake Su in a couple years—although that wasn't saying much.
Su drew back and scrutinized her face. "Your lipstick's smudged."
"It is?" Her eyes met his over Su's shoulder, and she averted her gaze. "It's of no consequence... I was just toying around."
Su produced a powder-blue handkerchief and dabbed at a corner of H's lips. Stepping back, she considered the adjustment and nodded.
"Thanks," Hogwarts said, blushing. "I didn't, um, expect you today."
Su pouted. "Would you rather Harry came alone?"
"D-don't be absurd! I was only surprised because I didn't sense you at the door. Come in." She glanced at Harry. "You too, I suppose."
They followed their host into the living room, where she seated them at a round table next to a window overlooking the grounds. Draping her long tresses over the back of the chair, she joined them at the table.
"What brings you here together?" H shifted in her chair. "I mean, what brings you here at all? I don't care that you're—have some tea!" At a forceful clap of her hands, three steaming teacups appeared.
Su picked hers up, took a sip, and nodded subtly. "We need your expertise."
Her face lit up. "I always knew you were the smartest of the bunch. Just for recognizing my immense wisdom, I'll help you out."
At Su's prompting glance, Harry retrieved the yellowing parchment from his pocket and slid it across the table. "We're trying to make sense of the ritual I cooked up back in my fifth year. You up for it, H?"
Carefully avoiding his fingers, she took it. "I can draw on thousands of NEWT-level lectures by the most talented runescribes in history. Whatever your woeful intellect came up with won't be a challenge." Her brows drew together as she skimmed the parchment. "Although deciphering your horrible handwriting might be."
He chuckled at seeing Hogwarts back in her groove. Lifting his cup, he savored the fragrant tea and watched her study the schematic. More than once, her eyes glazed over in a look that meant she was delving into her deeper memories, too vast for her human-like mind to process at once.
"This part here," she said at length, making him and Su sit up attentively. "It appears to be an atypical variant of the Animagus reversal spell."
He tried not to show his disappointment. "Yeah, we figured it was responsible for taking whatever I touched inside. That bit seems functional, but it's like the stuff doesn't have anywhere to go, so it's the dimensional thingamajig we need to work on."
Su set her cup down. "We need to isolate the part that defines the dimensional pocket and repurpose it to restore its original state."
He frowned. "That's what I said."
H nodded slowly. "I don't recall any other ritual that can modify Animagus forms, so short of starting from scratch, that is the only way." Biting her nail, she studied the parchment. "Spatial magic, on top of everything. How could a schematic of barely a hundred clusters have done so much?"
"Iteration," Su said.
H raised her head to stare, then went back to poring over the schematic.
"Take your time," Harry said smugly.
She scowled but didn't look up. It was several minutes later (much faster than he had caught on, to his chagrin) that she gasped. "The connections loop—the segments are invoked multiple times, and from different directions, no less! This cluster here... It could be read as 'bind that within Man to that within Circle', but reverse it and you get... creation, link, consciousness..."
"Open Link, beget Awareness," he murmured. Su sent him an inquisitive look, but he wasn't sure where the words had come from.
H traced the parchment with her finger. "And then it loops back again, joining these two clusters and giving them a different meaning still! It's..."
He grinned. "Brilliant? I was strapped for time so I had to improvise." Or so he imagined, anyway.
She slapped the parchment down. "Insane! Even Rowena, who pioneered the technique, limited herself to two iterations because tracking the effects became exponentially harder! And that was when she was wearing her Diadem!"
"What can I say." He buffed his nails on the lapel of his robes. "Drunk me is a genius."
"Too bad sober you is a nitwit," she retorted.
He smirked. "Unlike you, I did understand that thing. Briefly."
She huffed and folded her arms.
Su straightened up. "What if we recreated those conditions?"
He blinked. "You mean me getting plastered?"
She shrugged. "It bears testing."
He looked at her dubiously. "I suppose I could nip back to Grimmauld Place and nick some of Sirius's booze. There's no absinthe left, though, and I'm not sure I'd want to try it even if there was."
Su nodded. "Regular liquor will serve as the initial experiment."
"You can do it here if you let me have a taste." Hogwarts squirmed under their stares. "What? My elves don't brew alcohol, and I've been curious for a while."
He exchanged a glance with Su. They had brought her butterbeer, but that hardly counted. "It's a little too early for you."
H smiled smugly. "I'll have you know that I recently discovered an Age-Locked cabinet in the Room of Hidden Things and it opened for me."
Su inclined her head. "Perhaps just a taste, then. Cilly!" An elf in a black tunic appeared beside the table. "Bring Mr. Potter a bottle from the top shelf of father's liquor cabinet."
He watched the elf bow and pop away. "She isn't for sale, is she?"
The look Su leveled on him made him feel like a kindergartner caught at mischief. "Cilly has been a dear member of our family since I was a toddler."
He raised his palms. "Duly noted."
While they waited, Hogwarts cleared the cups off the table and produced an enormous plate of those tiny sandwiches he knew were called horse divorce. Cilly returned in short order and placed a shot glass and a squat bottle before him.
He regarded the moon runes on the bright red label. "What is it?"
"Baijiu," Su said. "My father swears by it."
At least it wasn't the F-word, which he couldn't even think about lest he summon the feathered menace. He tapped the neck of the bottle with his wand to uncork it and sniffed. A sickly sweet smell pervaded his nostrils, and he drew back.
"So, you're seriously telling me to get drunk?"
"For science," she said, her eyes sparkling.
He snorted. "What the hell do they teach down in the Department of Mysteries?"
He contemplated the single glass, then poured a finger's worth of the colorless liquor and nudged it toward Hogwarts. The bottle he tipped at Su before raising it to his lips.
"Barbarian," she chided.
Fighting back a smile, he took an experimental swig. It set his throat ablaze and ignited in his stomach, leaving an aftertaste of what had to be some kind of an industrial cauldron cleaner.
"Eurgh, that's bloody"—his watering eyes caught Su's—"strong."
He set the bottle down and hurriedly popped a sandwich into his mouth. Seeing Hogwarts reach for her glass, he waved at her frantically and nearly choked in his hurry to swallow.
She screwed her face up, and ignoring his gesticulations, knocked the glass back. Her eyes widened and she swallowed loudly before breaking into a coughing fit.
"Tried to warn you," he croaked.
She stuck her tongue out and fanned it with her palm. "Thish... thish much is nothing. The burn was a little unexpected, that's all."
He took another swig and swished it around his mouth. Unlike its colorless nature suggested, the liquor was full of flavor, but none of it was particularly good. "Nope. Trust me, it's just nasty." Catching himself, he glanced guiltily at Su.
"My bad. I prioritized the alcohol content." She motioned to pass her the bottle and took a sip. Her brows furrowed slightly, but she didn't even flinch. "I'll ask for something more palatable."
Harry and H stared at her with awe. She licked her lips thoughtfully, then, noticing the attention, raised her eyebrows.
He extended his hand. "You know what, never mind. Might as well finish it off—or have it finish me off, more like."
Su glanced at him doubtfully but handed the liquor back.
He wasted no time taking a large gulp, then cleared his throat so his voice wouldn't waver. "Oof. Yeah, I reckon it's growing on me." It wasn't, but seeing a woman half his size drink that rotgut like it was water made him feel like he was losing somehow.
"I'll match you," Su said. "One sip for your three."
The company would certainly make this more bearable. "Alright."
Taking a smaller sip, he jiggled the bottle to gauge its fullness and preemptively apologized to his liver. His gaze flicked to his left hand, still pink in places, but whole and healthy. If he could regrow fingers, this unholy brew wouldn't kill him.
"Here's to science." He took his third sip and handed the bottle over.
"Science," Su returned with more enthusiasm.
Hogwarts propped her elbows on the table and cupped her chin. "When's my turn?"
Accepting the bottle back and downing another mouthful, he scrutinized her face. The setting sun cast a reddish glow over the room, so it was difficult to tell, but her cheeks seemed rosier than usual. "Reckon you've had enough."
"Human narcotics won't affect me." She snatched the bottle out of his grasp.
He sighed. "Where have I heard that line before?"
Hogwarts tipped the bottle toward herself to peer at its neck. "How unsanitary."
"Just use the—" He blinked, realizing the glass had vanished at some point.
She bravely took a swig, then moaned and hid her face in the crook of her elbow.
"See, told you." He gently pried the bottle from her fingers. "Get your elves to bring you some juice if you insist on keeping us company."
She raised her head just so her hazy violet eyes were visible and spoke through her sleeve. "Impudent h-human. I bet I could outdrink you if I wanted to."
He rolled his eyes. "Let's not test that."
"Don't forget," Su said, nudging the parchment toward him. "Any insights?"
Tilting his head this way and that, he squinted at the faded scribbles. "Not really—wait. This bit here, it sort of looks like..."
Su retrieved a fountain pen and a notebook from her robes and leaned over the table.
"A stain from my tea mug!" he said triumphantly.
She gave him a flat stare. "Keep going."
Slumping in his seat, he turned the bottle in his hands. He felt warm, sluggish, and not the slightest bit smarter. Did Su really expect this to work? He peered across the table and smiled at her earnest expression as she jotted something into her notebook, murmuring about 'Baruffio's Peak'.
Her gaze lifted to meet his.
"To adventure." He grinned goofily, drank, and proffered the bottle.
The corners of her lips quirked. "To friends."
"To my amazing genius." The baijiu didn't seem to taste so bad anymore.
Hogwarts, who had been munching morosely on a snack, seized the bottle. "To—to Rowena Ravenclaw, the greatest enchanter who ever lived!" She squeezed her eyes shut and wet her lips with the drink.
"We get it, your mum's brilliant," he grumbled. "The emphasis was unnecessary."
Su shot her a sly glance. "Drunk Harry might measure up to her talent."
"As if!" H eyed the parchment. "Halfway there, perhaps. He needs a century of work under his belt before he even begins to approach her genius."
"Only halfway? That thing isn't even my best drunk creation."
She cocked her head. "What is your best, then?"
He tried to keep a straight face as he locked eyes with her. "You are."
"W-what, what are you saying..." She dropped her gaze and fidgeted before suddenly straightening up. "How dare you! If anyone deserves credit for my creation, it's the Founders—you only gave me a tiny poke! What are you laughing about, Su?"
"You're so easy to rile up." Su bent closer to pat her head.
Clearly bewildered, Hogwarts nevertheless leaned into the touch. Her eyelids drooped as Su's fingers massaged her scalp. He felt a pang of envy; him H kept at an arm's distance these days.
"Your hair's amazing," Su said.
"I'm thinking of removing it," H murmured. "Don't see much purpose in lugging this cumbersome tangle of keratin around."
"It indicates health and helps attract mates."
Her eyes flew open. "Is that so... Humans sure fixate on the weirdest things."
"As does red lipstick," Su continued.
"D-don't get any ideas!" H ducked away from her hand and glared at Harry. "I just felt like trying it today, alright?"
He snorted. "Why're you looking at me?"
"You were undoubtedly thinking something delusional."
"Oh, so you're a Legilimens now?"
She crossed her arms. "A mind of my caliber can easily predict your crude thought processes. Why, the last time you appeared in my presence intoxicated... y-you, so crassly..." Color seeped into her cheeks.
He chuckled. "Good times. Man, you were tiny back then... Not that that has changed much."
She half-rose in her chair. "Whose fault do you think that is! Had I my way, I would've manifested in a body of the toughest granite, mighty enough to crush anyone under my heel."
"Okay, yeah." He drank. "That would've been pretty badass. Especially if you had spiky armor and a sword... no, for a statue, I'd go with a huge warhammer. With spikes."
Hogwarts plopped down with a faraway look in her eyes. "Yes, I can almost see it... and a shield bearing the crest of the Founders, to strike awe into the hearts of foe and friend alike!"
"With spikes on it."
"Yes," she said, looking at him with something akin to admiration. "You do have good ideas every now and then."
A strangled noise drew their attention to Su, who had her hand clamped over her mouth. At their confused looks, she lowered her head to the table and dissolved into laughter. "Same... tastes."
Harry and Hogwarts exchanged a glance and said in unison, "Are not!"
Su only laughed harder.
He shook his head and returned to examining the parchment. Try as he might, he couldn't focus on the squiggles long enough to parse their meaning. Taking a leaf out of H's book, he traced the order of activation with his finger before groaning and rubbing his eyes.
"Alright?" Su asked, suddenly serious.
"Fine, it's just... this ain't working." Heedless of Su's extended hand, he took another swallow. The bottle felt a lot lighter than before. "Hang on, lemme try something."
Never mind not providing inspiration, the alcohol fumes were melting his brain into goo. Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes and cleared his mind. In response to his controlled breathing, his heart rate began slowing down.
Opening his eyes, he stared expectantly at the parchment, only to find his old scribbles swimming before him. Occlumency, it appeared, was powerless against alcohol. He groped absently for the bottle and raised his head in surprise. Su had taken it and was peering at him with concern.
"Maybe I underestimated the strength..."
"I'm fine," he said. "Gonna try one more thing."
He closed his eyes again. The heat of the alcohol had long since spread through his limbs, so relaxing was less effort and more inevitability. He didn't even attempt to shepherd his stray thoughts; the cold, analytical part that took the reins during an Occluded state was as intoxicated as the rest.
His head lolled, and he propped an elbow on the table to support it. A voice reached his ears. He frowned. He couldn't quite remember what he was supposed to—ah. His malletspace. Silly name.
He tried to peer into his pocket dimension, but as before, he saw nothing. It was like that part of his senses had been permanently deadened. And yet...
Something in the recesses of his mind felt different.
Tuning out all distractions, he visualized a fuzzy blob amid a void, like a nebula lit up by fleeting discharges of his thoughts. His ego was but a passive observer as his brain drifted in a haze of inebriation. What had made him take note?
There.
His visualization dissolved as he latched on to the oddity with all his focus. A connection, a link to outside. Unease welled up in him as he recalled the horcrux, but this connection felt fragile, like a flimsy string.
He followed the string to see where it lead, but it appeared to dissipate into the very air surrounding him. Befuddled, he plucked it experimentally.
A high-pitched cry jolted him out of his reverie. He blinked groggily at the evening sunlight flooding the room. Su and Hogwarts were craning their necks around, the former appearing curious, the latter distressed.
"What happened?" His voice came out a little hoarse.
"I thought..." Hogwarts gave him an uncertain look, then pursed her lips. "Never you mind. You slept through it, and it's not going to repeat itself."
He turned to Su.
"Everything went... foggy," she said.
"Huh, weird." He lunged for the bottle on her side of the table, but she pulled it away.
"The experiment's a failure," she said.
He frowned. "Failure? But it was just getting good! I feel like I'm almost getting it."
H peered at him strangely. "Why is he talking funny?"
Su rolled her eyes. "He's drunk. So are you, H."
"Oh... That might explain earlier." She giggled. "So this is what it's like. Can I have some more?"
Su shook her head. "Drink some water."
"Don't be so stingy!"
"You'll thank me tomorrow."
Ignoring the byplay, Harry searched out the tenuous connection and mulled over it. On an impulse, he pushed as though to expand it.
For a second, the air around wavered like in a haze of heat. Hogwarts looked around in alarm, whereas Su, busy stoppering the bottle, didn't notice.
"Huh." Pushing back his chair, he stared at the parquet under his feet and willed it to change. A patch of wood shimmered and became a glossy floor tile. His lips curled into a grin. "Fucking eureka."
H mouthed the words as though to memorize them while Su perked up and asked, "A breakthrough?"
"And how! It occurs to me that I'm inside a room that grants wishes, in the company of two gorgeous girls"—H blushed, while Su nodded matter-of-factly—"yet all I'm doing is racking my brain over a stupid parchment. Well, no more!" He sprang up, sending the chair clattering to the floor. "I believe a change in decor is in order."
"What do you..." Hogwarts trailed off as the table and the chairs went fuzzy around the edges.
Grinning, he seized the thread tying him to the Room of Requirement with every last shred of power his inebriated brain could muster. The scene of his dreams was stark in his mind, eager to be imprinted upon the world.
He stomped his foot. Gleaming marble spread across the floor, transforming the parquet, then creeping up the walls. The window gained a layer of frosting, and the room darkened before floating candles spawned in the air. Their intimate light reflected off tall freestanding mirrors that appeared along the walls.
Su pocketed her stationery and rose from the table, which vanished a second later. "H?"
"It's not me." Hogwarts whipped her head about, her mouth ajar, then whirled on Harry. "You! How are you doing this?"
He cackled and raised his hands dramatically. The floor in the middle of the room sank in, becoming an enormous circular bath, and a dozen faucets sprouted along the rim. A privacy screen materialized in a corner, then towel racks and cabinets along the walls.
Hogwarts growled, the tips of her hair curling up. "A human, doing as he pleases in my domain? Unacceptable."
Pain stabbed through his forehead as a blurry image of the living room superimposed itself upon the surroundings. H's face was set in concentration; sensing his attention, she shot him a victorious smirk.
He smiled. Drawing on his manly spirit, on the bath scene denied to him back in sixth year, on the dream unrealized but never forgotten, he forged a glorious sword of justice and thrust it into the connection.
"Impossible," H cried. "Such willpower—h-he's wrestling control from me—I can't—"
He struck a pose. "Witness the might of—hic—Eternal Warlock!"
"Extraordinary," Su whispered, her eyes wide.
With a last groan of stone, the Room of Requirement settled into his version of reality. Rose petals sprinkled the floor, filling the air with their subtle scent. The floating candles lent the enormous bathroom a cozy ambiance. The bowl-shaped bath in the middle brimmed with bubbles and steamed lightly.
H clutched her head. "Founders forgive me... to be overcome in a place where I am at my strongest... the humiliation..."
Su patted her shoulder. "There, there." She looked around with interest. "I take it Harry exploited some rudimentary control he had as the Room's summoner."
He strolled toward the bath, unbuttoning his robes on the go. "Shush. No theorizing now, only bathing."
His robes fell to the floor, then his shirt. He tossed his Horntail pendant atop before contemplating the privacy screen in the corner. Deciding it wasn't worth the trip, he kicked off his shoes and unbuckled his belt.
He glanced back. The girls stared in stunned silence and wouldn't look away. He faltered a little, then yanked down his trousers and boxers.
Hogwarts squeaked and buried her face in her palms. "Have you no shame? Cover yourself up like befits a lower life form!"
Chuckling, he plunked into the hot bath and rested his elbows on the edge. "Ahh. Come on in, the water's great."
H cautiously lowered her hands. "If you truly believe I'm getting in with you, you're even more delusional than..." She trailed off as Su retreated behind the screen. "What are you doing?"
The answer came in the form of rustling fabric and thick grey robes being flung over the top of the partition.
Hogwarts gaped. "Why are you undressing?"
Su peeked from behind the screen, her sleek ponytail dangling down her blouse-covered shoulder. "Can't bathe clothed." She popped behind and soon draped the blouse beside her robes.
"You don't have to go along with his perverted fancies." H looked at the grinning Harry, then at the screen. "I thought you were the reasonable one!"
"Unlike you two, I have no power here. If you can't beat them..."
H wrung her hands, but Harry was more interested in what was happening behind the screen. In a fortuitous oversight, he hadn't provided a laundry basket, and someone as neat as Su wasn't about to chuck her undergarments to the floor.
Su's delicate hand appeared over the top of the partition. Watching raptly, he wriggled closer along the edge. As though sensing his gaze, her index finger wagged in his direction. Bursting out in laughter, he reclined and stretched out his legs. Of course, she could conjure one if she wanted.
A pink-cheeked Su emerged clutching a long fluffy towel to her chest. The gentle curves of her hips peeked from the sides as she approached the bath with short measured steps. Pausing at the edge, she lowered her foot until it brushed the bubbles.
He swallowed and shifted. "Careful, it's pretty deep."
Giving him a coy look, she knelt, braced a palm against the rim, and swung her legs one after another into the water. Her other hand clutched the towel to her chest, its lower end draped over her lap.
She found her footing and stood. Grasping the upper edge of the towel with both hands, she rolled it up as she lowered herself into the water. It was so graceful a maneuver he wasn't sure whether he was impressed or disappointed when he barely caught a glimpse of her pale skin.
Submerging herself up to the shoulders, she laid the rolled-up towel on the rim and rested her head against it with a contented sigh. "You were right."
His mouth moved a few times before anything came out. "Huh?"
Her eyes crinkled in amusement. "The water's nice."
"Told you." He turned his head languidly. "Do you need a separate invitation, H?"
She huffed and turned away, but kept shooting them sideways glances. "I'm not about to let you ogle me. As soon as I figure out how to break your control, I'm changing this place back, and then there will be hell to pay."
"It can't be helped if you're that embarrassed." He focused on a section of the wall until it blurred, then coalesced into a door. "I tried connecting it to your quarters. Just let us adults unwind here for an hour or two, please?"
She made a few steps toward the door before wheeling around. "Listen here, I'm older than both of you put together, so spare me the condescension! Furthermore, not wanting your lascivious eyes on me has less to do with embarrassment and more with revulsion."
"Uh-huh." Turning away, he waved over his shoulder. "You've made your point. No one's forcing you to stay."
He strained his ears and was soon rewarded with a patter of footfalls. Su's lips curled upward as she looked behind him.
"Y-you can't make me leave." H sounded closer than before. "This is still my domain."
Su mouthed, "Too easy."
Suppressing a grin, he glanced over his shoulder to find H fidgeting with a lock of her hair. "Does that mean you want to get in after all?"
She looked everywhere but at him as she spoke. "Hmph. O-only to see if soaking this flesh-puppet in hot water improves its function, nothing more." She shot him a glare. "But I'm not undressing unless you're blindfolded."
His lips twitched. "I didn't expect you to be into the kinky stuff, but if that's what you want..."
"Kinky stuff?" she said blankly.
"I'll explain when you're older."
"I just told you—" She stamped her foot. "N-never mind the blindfold! Transfigure me a bathing suit."
"It's a bath, not a pool," Su chided.
She crossed her arms. "Silly human distinctions. From my perspective, either is just a basin of water."
"I'll allow it," Harry said magnanimously. Tilting his head back, he eyed Hogwarts head to toe. "Fetch my wand, will you? It's just on top of my robes over there."
"You're the last person I'd let alter my clothes," she scoffed. "Su, could you..."
Receiving a languorous nod in response, Hogwarts traipsed behind the screen. Harry forced the Room to disgorge the bottle of baijiu out of thin air and took a generous draft as he waited. She re-emerged several minutes later, clutching Su's wand in one hand and nervously smoothing down her sundress with the other.
Su turned around and rested her arms atop the towel. "Where did you get that dress?"
H tiptoed barefooted toward her. "Nelly the house-elf sewed it for me—she previously worked for a seamstress, so when I said I only had one pair of robes..." She glanced down. "Is there something wrong with it?"
Su shook her head. "It suits you."
H beamed, then hid her smile and puffed up. "If I'm trapped inside this inadequate form, I might as well garb myself as befits my station."
"If you want more clothes, I'd be happy to help you pick."
"Then..." H scuffed the floor with her toes and dropped her voice. "Where do you get.." She indicated the screen with her eyes.
"Delphine's Delights." Su cupped a hand to her mouth and added conspiratorially, "They sell erotic ones too."
"I don't need that kind!" Fisting Su's wand awkwardly, she jabbed it in Harry's direction. "Shut up and wipe that leer off your face."
He tried to scoot out of the line of fire, but his muscles were too slack. "Never said a word."
Water trickled off Su's slender back as she pushed up and plucked her wand from H's hand. Sinking back, she looked her over thoughtfully.
H stopped glaring at Harry and clutched the front of her dress. "Have you done this before? You won't make a mistake, right? Minerva always said to limit the motion of your elbow on the second swish when working with textile—"
"O in my NEWT," Su said. "How do you want it?"
"The less revealing the better. It might not be the Victorian era anymore, but don't you dare put me into those tiny strips of fabric Muggles call swimwear!"
Su lifted her wand. "Stay still."
H's face screwed up in anticipation. Su's wand danced over her, and at its passing, the cream dress darkened to navy blue as though stained with ink. The fabric tightened, and the hem fused between H's thighs, making her squeak and cover her crotch. At the final flick of the wand, a white nameplate appeared across her not-quite-flat chest, spelling 'Hogwarts'.
"This..." Looking down at the navy one-piece, H fingered the smooth fabric. "This is comfortable and fairly modest. Yes, rather like what the champion of that upstart Beauxbatons wore. Thanks, Su, I almost feared—" Lifting her head, she did a double-take. "Why is Harry drooling?"
"Hehehe." Stricken by the wondrous sight, he barely had the presence of mind to wipe his chin. Never had he dared hope to see the fabled school swimsuit in real life—plus, the girl inside was a thousand years old, and thus perfectly acceptable to ogle. "Thank you, Su. Thank you so much. But how did you know?"
"I researched," she said humbly.
His gaze raked over H even as he spoke. "Your abilities do the Unspeakables proud."
"E-explain yourself, Su!" Hogwarts squeaked, sidling toward the edge. She leapt in, launching a fountain of bubbles, and immediately sat down with her knees up to her chest. Her waist-length hair billowed around her like a black cloak.
Su wiped some foam off her forehead. "Let's do up your hair—"
"Who cares about my hair!" Hogwarts pointed at Harry. "He looks like—like he's about to throw himself at me!"
"Don't worry. Harry might be selfish, crass, impulsive, and have deviant tastes, but..." Su blinked. "I forgot where I was going with this."
"Oi!" He slapped some water at her, but it didn't reach.
H slid closer to Su. "I'm almost afraid to ask, but... deviant tastes?"
"How to explain..." Su tapped her chin. "He belongs to a sad breed of humans who lurk in basements watching animated drawings."
He interjected, "My room's on the third floor!"
H cocked her head. "Animated drawings?"
"A Muggle form of storytelling," Su said.
"They sure invented some interesting things since our worlds separated," H said. "It's a shame their gizmos are so fragile they break just by coming into contact with my awesome power."
"These stories also come in picture book form. I'll bring one next time."
"You will?" H smiled, then cleared her throat. "This is purely to learn more about Muggle culture, of course."
"Don't teach her anything weird," Harry said.
Su sent him an amused glance before turning back to H. "How's the bath?"
Her violet eyes blinked twice. "The water does feel pleasant, I admit. If he weren't here, it would be quite relaxing." She moved away from the edge to regard the ornate faucets. "The craftsmanship appears to be decent as well. Not anywhere near the level of the Founders, but—glurble."
Su straightened in alarm as Hogwarts slipped and went under, but a second later, she surfaced with a crown of foam perched atop her head.
"I—I meant to do that," she spluttered. As though to prove it, she dipped underwater again, then emerged a short distance away and shook off the foam like a cat.
He chuckled at her antics. "Don't the bubbles sting your eyes?"
She gave him a confused look. "Why would they?"
Glancing down, he scooped up a palmful of foam. The bubbles remained intact as they glided off his palm. When he gingerly poked them with his tongue, rather than bitter soapiness he tasted fruit.
"Never mind," he muttered. "Just being a Muggle."
H snorted and propelled herself across the bath. Some spray landed on Su's face, who only sighed good-naturedly.
Resting against the edge, he picked up the bottle and took another gulp. Su extended a hand toward him.
He grinned. "Gonna confiscate it?"
She shook her head. "Share."
"Afraid I'm about done with it." He drained the bottle, grimacing at the texture of the sediment at the bottom. "Tell your old man I said thanks."
Su pouted and submerged her shoulders. Swimming in a drunken haze, he was struck by a realization: why, if he dived underneath the foam, he could feast his eyes upon the most delectable sight. He lowered himself until the bubbles tickled his chin and inhaled deeply.
With a swiftness that belied her relaxed countenance, Su reached behind for her wand and nailed him with a Stinging Hex. He yelped and rubbed his forehead.
She twirled her wand. "Head above water."
He glanced to where his own wand lay many yards away. Three, at the very least. "Fine, but I'm agreeing under protest." He shielded his face from another spray of foam. "How come H gets to dive around all she wants? I sense discre—discrimination."
"She's just a child."
H stopped splashing. "Am not!"
Su raised her eyebrows. "Then should Harry be worried about you peeping?"
"Of c-c-course not! Why would I want to look at t-that gross appendage of his?" As if to make a point, she waded away from him and settled at Su's side.
With a glint in her eye, Su leaned over to address her in a stage whisper. "So it's gross?"
H's face rapidly grew crimson. "Su! I wasn't looking! I just know what human males are like."
"You do?"
"In theory!" She crossed her arms. "If—and only if—I was curious about that, I wouldn't need to resort to petty tricks. Within my realm, I can see anything I desire."
Su glanced longingly to where her Unspeakable robes were draped over the screen and sighed.
"You two are such pervs," he murmured, reclining with a contented grin. Even keeping his head up was a herculean task.
H rounded on him. "For the last time, I'm not—"
Su laid a hand atop her shoulder, looking like she was trying not to laugh. "Don't you want to see if it would only give you a tiny poke?"
Slipping away, Hogwarts batted water at her. "I've just about had enough! Either shut up, or I'll... I'll shut you up!"
She quirked her eyebrows. "Oh?"
H sank down, not looking her in the eye. "Recall who you're speaking to. I could delve into the imprints of the castle and learn every embarrassing little secret you've kept during your schooling."
Not a muscle twitched on her face. "Go ahead."
H gaped. "Don't think that I won't! I wouldn't normally do this, never to a friend, but keep trying my patience and I really will!"
Su stared at her in a challenge.
"D-don't cry about it later!" Hogwart's eyes unfocused, and even though they remained directed at Su, Harry knew they were seeing times past. Eventually, she straightened up and said, "Ha!"
"I'm quaking in fear."
"You should," H said. "Unless you apologize, I'll tell Harry all about the crush you had in your second year!"
Su's brow furrowed. "Thaddeus Mandrake, was it?" A wistful smile came to her lips. "I'd almost forgotten."
"He was five years older! Y-you wrote him an anonymous love letter on Valentine's day! With hearts on it!" When Su remained impassive and Harry unimpressed, she sputtered. "And—and you slept with your fox plushie until fourth year!"
"Still do sometimes," Su said.
"Heh, cute," Harry murmured. It was taking a tremendous effort to hold his eyelids up for some reason.
H appeared lost for words. Su looked her in the eye, and covering her mouth, yawned daintily. H scowled and once more stared off into space. Her already flushed cheeks reddened further.
"T-this..." She squirmed. "Don't make me use this."
Su arched her eyebrows.
"T-the day after you learned the Silencing Charm." Hogwarts took a deep breath. "You—you—"
"Seriously?" The blush in Su's cheeks deepened, but she sounded more amused than anything. "Harry was right about you."
"Ooh," H growled. "I was trying to be nice, but you need to be put in your place! Harry—ever since she learned the charm—Su, she..."
Su stared her in the eye. "Yes?"
H's gaze darted skittishly. "Every night... you would silence your bed and... and..."
"And what?" Su sidled closer.
Swallowing, H shrunk back. "Y-you... under the b-bedcovers..."
Su leaned in. "Say it."
H's lips moved soundlessly before she groaned and submerged to her nose. Her face above the foam was beet-red. Su straightened up and flashed a V-sign.
The bubbles muffled Hogwart's glum voice. "I could never win against you."
Su patted her head and said something Harry couldn't make out through the whooshing in his ears. His head lolled forward before jerking back.
"Harry?"
He tried to voice a reassurance, but only a murmur escaped his lips. The world spun, and he closed his eyes to shut it out. He was falling, falling through warm fluffy clouds. The last thing he heard was a muted screech.
Fragments of conversation pulled him to the boundary between dream and consciousness. He could neither tell who was speaking nor cared to. A smothering weight pressed on his chest, but he couldn't so much as twitch a finger. Worrying about it felt like too much effort.
"Shoo, you gaudy feather duster. Can't you see he's uncomfortable?"
There was a trill, and the weight shifted. A breeze tickled his face.
A giggle. "Looks like you have competition."
"Please. Even if I desired to consort with lower life forms, human males are a dime a dozen."
A silence. "So you wouldn't care if someone stole him away?"
"Well... not anyone. It wouldn't do for him to lose his head and forget me entirely." Affected laughter. "Did you think I wouldn't notice? I've seen this dance unfold thousands of times, even if it was never through these eyes... I guess it's true what your kind says about there being no accounting for taste."
"Hypocrite."
"I keep telling you..." A sigh. "Humans should live like humans do... while they can."
"What does that mean?"
"It's hardly more than a suspicion at this point. One way or another, you'll find out..."
Accompanied by the soft voices, he drifted off.
A burning hoof crushed Harry's chest while two blazing eyes bored into his. He pummeled the hoof with his fists, trying futilely to suck in air—
His eyes flew open to a bird's head inches away. Yelping, he swatted it aside. With a squawk and a flapping of wings, a weight lifted off his chest. Breathing rapidly, he squinted at the sunlit surroundings.
A cool hand pushed his glasses onto his nose. He was sprawled atop a gargantuan bed. Firo perched on a bedpost and was glaring at him with a beady eye. Hogwarts snored softly at the foot of the bed, clad in cat-print pyjamas and curled up in a ball. Su knelt nearby, her loose hair falling to her shoulders, and her grey robes laid across her lap.
"Mornin'." He winced at the throbbing in his temples.
"Good morning." She rummaged in her robes, found her wand, and conjured him a glass of water.
Nodding gratefully, he gulped it down. The water relieved his parched throat, and even his headache receded a bit.
"Cheers, bloody love you," he breathed. He tipped the glass over to catch the last drops with his tongue, then sent her a questioning glance. "Su?"
She twitched, then said, not meeting his eyes, "This was my idea."
He sat up sharply, but his head spun, and he had to recline against the headboard. "That's right, the experiment! What happened?"
"You fainted." She turned her head a fraction. "Firo pulled you out. By your hair."
The bird stood taller and fluffed her gold-and-scarlet feathers. Snorting, he looked around. Besides the massive bed, the room's only notable feature was the huge bay window, through which morning sunlight spilled in. "And where are we, exactly?"
The question seemed to amuse Su. "The door from the bathroom led here. What were you planning?"
"Er..." He rubbed his forehead. "Probably something along these lines. Just with less clothes involved."
He guffawed when Su blushed and averted her gaze. Pursing her lips, she began gathering her hair into a ponytail. His gaze lingered on her puffy eyes.
"You get any sleep at all?"
She nodded and patted the sheets. "Your delusions are awfully comfortable. We did wait to make sure you were alright, though."
He grimaced apologetically. "I just needed to sleep it off, no big deal."
"You drank too much. I heard you're supposed to turn someone passed out from alcohol on their side, but..." She spread her hand, revealing reddish marks on her fingers.
His head pivoted toward the bedpost. "Firo! Bad bird!"
Firo cocked her head and chirped.
"Why do I even bother." Sighing, he slumped onto the silky sheets and watched Su don her robes and bring up her cowl. "Going somewhere?"
A swirl of darkness faced him. "Work."
He blinked. "My condolences. Sometimes I forget you poor wage-slaves have to toil away every weekday."
"Not everybody can afford to live as a sybarite." She sounded like she was smiling.
He groaned. "Don't tell me you've been listening to that prick Croaker."
"It was hard not to," she deadpanned, starting for the door.
"Ha! I must've really gotten under his skin, huh?" Smirking at the thought, he crawled off the bed. The journey proved arduous since his hands and feet were sinking inches into the mattress. Swinging his legs to the floor, he hurried after her.
Su glanced at him, made a funny noise, and marched through the door. Yawning, he followed her into the bathroom. The floating candles had guttered out, and the tiles, strewn with wilted rose petals, were cold under his feet.
He felt for the thread connecting him to the Room of Requirement, but Firo landed on his shoulder and made him stumble. He glared halfheartedly but allowed her the ride. She had come to his rescue, after all.
Coming up to the exit, Su turned the handle and stepped outside. He made to follow, but her hand on his chest stopped him.
"See you later," she said, her voice oddly strained. Her cowl dipped down for a moment. "Remember, exposing yourself to minors is a crime."
The door shut in his face. He blinked blearily, then glanced down his front.
"Why, you—" He banged on the door with his fist, not daring to open it lest he commit the very crime she mentioned. "Tell me earlier!"
