Hi Fanfiction community, I hope you are healthy and well. It's been a while since I posted, and truth is I have found it difficult to find inspiration amid the current affairs of our world. But here is my humble contribution to entertain your minds, if not simply to distract. Be well and stay hopeful!

Chapter 11

You visited my dreams last night and I savored every second, as if I knew the clock would soon strike twelve and the spell would break. A cruel reminder of the unfading love I still hold for you. But it's just as well because it forced me to gather the courage to write this letter before it's too late. I won't pretend to understand your reasons, but I accepted you were not meant to be mine long ago. I don't question it anymore and I often revisit the beautiful moments we shared to remind myself that it was real and not a figment of my imagination. No regrets Paul, because I got to keep the best of you…my Ryan. He has been my greatest joy and he grows more like you each passing day.

My silence was unforgivably selfish. I see that now. But I knew you were trying to keep your distance and I didn't want us to become a duty alone. And the weakest part of me was scared to remain on my own. But deceit kills the soul and everything it touches, and my silence will be my cross to bear for the rest of my life. My greatest regret is robbing Ryan the opportunity to know you as I did and can only pray this letter finds you in time. I don't expect you to forgive me Paul, but I hope you can one day understand and know that my silence was never meant to hurt you.

Love Always,

Lily

He clutched the crumpled letter against his face, his tears staining the aged ink. He was past the point of hiding. No shame in his crying, only sadness and regret. Jacob sat wordlessly by his side, his warm palm reaching for the back of his neck. The compulsion to nurture and protect was a hard habit for the old Alpha to break. But there was nothing left to say, except aid the cathartic purge taking place. It was well overdue, yet Jacob was still proud of Ryan for doing the right thing. But for Paul, it was simply not enough. Like the violent waves of the tempestuous sea, his anger, his love, his hurt; all surging to collide against the other. Lily's words healed his deepest insecurities, but Ryan's silence tore open far more damaging ones.

When Leah callously ended their affair, Paul had licked his weeping wounds and walked away. At the time, he'd believed his restraint was proof of his growing emotional maturity. But he'd been wrong. The regret of not saying his piece, had tormented him for decades; a mistake he was unwilling to repeat. Ryan could very well reject his words, but Paul was determined to be heard. He shot up from his seat, tearing out the cabin like a man possessed and Jacob followed at a sensible distance. It was not his place to butt in except Ryan had proven to be equally volatile and well…this was Paul. He would only intervene if the situation took a violent turn.

Paul tried to corral his thoughts as he made his way through the silent forest. No doubt, its inhabitants sensing a more dangerous predator among them. And it was Paul's turn to pace; each pass helping to uncoil the tension clutching his muscles taut. Solace considered going to him; his eyes traveling to the motionless young wolf seated in his dining area before committing either way. Ryan's posture betrayed no emotion, but his lupine ears tracked the agitated wolf outside his packmate's home. A long sigh the only mark of his indecision.

As the letter had crossed the threshold of Paul's door, Ryan had expected this much. But knowing and facing the consequences of his actions were poles apart. The sulky part of him considered leaving the older wolf pacing outside. But he was mature enough to know it would undermine the purpose of his choice. So, with a lengthier sigh of resignation, he headed out Solace's back door.

Ryan maintained a cautious distance, watching him continue to pace. Paul, stopping only to shake his head in disbelief and unquestionably struggling to find his words. But his eyes said it all…they burned with an emotion Ryan understood all too well. So he would wait; allowing the restless wolf his say.

"You knew and you didn't say anything. She wanted me to know… All this time you've known…And that day at the cemetery, you knew then who I was…"

His words were jumbled and redundant, a sign of his distress. And if Ryan didn't suffer from the same curse when angry, would be struggling to keep up with his train of thought. An annoying reminder of the resemblance to the emotional wolf.

"Even when I offered you a ride…WHY Ryan…WHY?

"Why what?" Are you asking about the letter or why I refused the ride?"

He wasn't trying to antagonize Paul but as his face contorted in annoyance, Ryan knew that's exactly what he'd done.

"ALL OF IT…the letter proved I didn't know of your existence and you're still punishing me for it. WHY?"

"WHY? Because my mother died over it…THAT'S WHY…"

His patience was dwindling, and Paul looked as if he'd been sucker punched. Ryan wasn't seeking a fight, but he wasn't going to sugarcoat things to spare his feelings, either. It was his refusal to accept blame which got under his skin, after all.

"You bedded a married woman and you left her to deal with the consequences. You didn't beat her to death, but you were the reason why. She's dead because of you. YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT HER ALONE"

Jacob took in the raw emotion on Paul's face as he reached for his son. He'd never seen him look so vulnerable. But that's what fatherhood could do to a man. It had the power to bring you to your knees.

"No, Ryan you're wrong. I should've fought for her…I should have been there for you both…Been the man that she deserved, the father you were owed. LEAVING…that was my mistake"

Ryan shrugged him off, his words touching a sensitive nerve. As a child, he'd agonized over the reasons why the man he believed to be his father had treated him with such contempt. And even when he'd come to learn the truth and resentment had taken hold of him, he'd still fantasized over the possibilities of his real dad. But Paul never came…sure he'd taken the time to visit Lily's grave, but where had this great love been when they'd needed him most? It was irrational to be angry…yes, the letter proved hat much. But he'd done the damage and then turned the page without a glance back. And Ryan had lost the one person who gave his life meaning. His rage, consequently shifting from the bastard currently serving a life sentence, to the man who'd started it all. So no, Ryan wasn't ready to kiss and make up.

"Look I gave you the dam letter, didn't I? What more do you want?"

"A chance to be in your life…"

"So you can ease your conscience? What good are you to me now?"

He half turned away; hands coming to cradle the back of his head in a poor attempt of camouflaging his hurt. He swallowed through the rawness in his throat, shaking his head in frustration. He didn't want to care…hated this pervasive softness. It was a weakness he'd yet to supersede but one Maddie praised. You have your mother's heart. She said this each time he'd welcomed Ollie back into his life. It's so full of love, it has no room for resentment. But Ryan couldn't agree; his inclination towards forgiveness only led to further heartache.

Paul watched his son closely, perceptive to his waning resolve and aware his next words could make or break the conversation. And even though he was risking brutal rejection, he wanted to be true.

"It's not about easing my conscience. I didn't even realize I wanted a child until after I learned I'd fathered one. But it's all I think about now and I'm not walking away Ryan. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I'll take whatever part of you you're willing to share"

The prolonged silence was unbearable, an array of emotions crossing the younger wolf's features before settling on defeat.

"I don't want you breathing down my neck…"

"Understood…" Paul's face softened over Ryan's dissipating animosity. His eyes gleaming with newfound hope.

"And I'm not looking to make up for lost time either so don't get the wrong idea"

Paul's reply was a soft whisper, happy to abide to whatever terms he laid down if it won him a place in his life. Ryan's eyes penetrated his. And Paul held his gaze; unsure of what Ryan was seeking to find. But relief seeped through his bones as a glimpse of acceptance crossed his features; a curt nod his lone reply before turning towards Solace's home. Paul was clueless to what came next, wasn't even rightly sure of what Ryan had agreed to. Yet somehow, was strangely unbothered by the uncertainty of it all. Jacob came to stand by his side, his toothy grin prompting a mischievous one of his own as his broad shoulder bumped his. The two old pack mates standing quietly side by side, celebrating the small victory…


The scorching heat was punishing, and his cotton kimono top was soaked through. But he ignored the sweat dripping down his back, taking refuge under the shade of a large tree. Kayan surveyed his surroundings with cool disregard, hoping his perceived ignorance worked to his favor as he secretly strategized away. He was living on borrowed time, this much he knew.

His father was a man of choice words but Kayan had heard more from Aylen in the last year, than since childhood. Once playful and affectionate, Aylen's change towards a more serious and demanding demeanor had been marked with the telling signs of his imminent phase. A difficult adjustment for Kayan to accept. It was their way, and he understood it, yet he'd also sensed a thin veil of urgency underneath the detailed accounts of past hunting expeditions and battles fought. Like a general sharing prized militant strategy for his outnumbered men. Prodding and testing his pupil's aptitude on their long, remote walks. And Kayan had grown resentful, questioning how much his father approved of their Alpha's sectarian beliefs.

But it all made sense now. Aylen had been preparing him for this exact moment. When he could no longer protect the newly phased wolf and Kayan surmised that's exactly what he was, a one-man troop. Though who's target was yet to be revealed. And even more importantly he first needed to detect the how? Timing was everything for whatever ambush awaited him, it'd have to take place before reaching the hunting party. Tayen was surely involved, but knowing who else was in the know, would be key to his survival. I guess it didn't really matter. Kayan had to assume they all were, and the thought hurt him deeply. These were people he'd known his whole life. This was his pack. Surely it had to count for something. Kayan held no ambition or interest in ruling. He was no more a threat to Chikuk's claim than the rest.

His family was despised by many, but not all bought into their Alpha's fascist mandates. Would it be enough to save him when the time came? Kayan did not have the luxury to assume so. His eyes traveled throughout the encampment, settling on a long intricate braid. He admired her from a distance, feeling flushed and equally foolish for his juvenile fascination with the agile and dangerous she-wolf. Sahale was the closest thing to a friend Tikaani had, and by association, treated him with a kind indifference of sorts. Most she-wolves made it their mission to emphasize their contempt for the male wolves. But Sahale was never hostile, even though Kayan suspected she knew of his growing infatuation. Though it did serve as a cause for ridicule by his sister.

Her eyes turned his way, probably sensing his stare and he quickly looked away; now sensing her approach as he tried for feigned disinterest.

"Here," she stated, extending a piece of dry meat his way. "You should eat as much as you can. We won't be making many stops until we reach the others"

She was speaking as one does to a child. But in a way that's exactly what he was, a newly phased wolf and it was intel he appreciated learning. Paranoia struck as he debated whether to eat the offered meal, followed by sadness and shame over the distrust.

"You must feel pretty special being hand-picked by our mighty Alpha"

Her words dripped with sarcasm and Kayan took it as a good sign. Maybe she was ignorant to the real reason he'd been picked and just mocking his privilege in being allowed to accompany the hunt.

"No, not really. I'm worried about my mother, actually"

Kayan caught the quick look of surprise in her eyes before watching her acknowledge his words with a short nod.

"Leah is strong"

It was all she said on the matter but Kayan recognized the respect and admiration she held for his very pregnant mother. Her eyes narrowed, seeming deep in thought; pausing mid stride as she began her retreat.

"You can run alongside me if you want, pup. Who knows, you might learn a thing or two"

And Kayan answered with a genuine smile, wondering if she'd put the pieces together and was offering her alliance. He couldn't fully trust her yet; she could very well be utilizing his feelings to lure him into a trap. But something told him otherwise providing a small glimpse of hope. And he continued taking stock of the terrain, all the while recalling Aylen's wise words.


Tavi submerged both canteens near the lake's edge, eyeing his companion nervously and doing his best to ignore her ragged gasps as she sat against a tree, rubbing her belly in search of comfort.

"Leah…"

"I'm fine Tavi… just hand me the damn water so I can catch my breath and we'll be on our way"

He admired her courage and strength, even through her petulance but it was time they faced the hard facts. They'd made good time on their chase but had focused on their pursuit with no plan on what came after.

"Whatever you say, but do you mind sharing what the plan is once we reach them?"

"It's simple…I'll do or say whatever it takes to get Kayan to return with us. I'll tell them that I've gone into early labor. We just need to buy time until Aylen and Tikaani return…"

Tavi was on his feet, his young face blemished by his horror.

"THAT'S YOUR PLAN?" And you expect She-Who- Must- Not- Be-Named to just hand him over?"

His eyes bulged comically, and Leah couldn't hold back the chuckle making its way up her throat at his remark. Tavi was just a kid and the truth of it sank in her belly painfully. A kid she'd guilted into coming along, for the slightest chance of saving her son, knowing full well that neither may survive at the end of this journey. Her face fell to display her shame, her hands sliding down to cradle her belly.

"You should go back Tavi…I can make it on my own. Tell Chikuk I went into early labor and you only followed to assure I made it safely. That you tried to convince me to stay, but I wouldn't listen. He'll punish you, but you'll be spared…"

"No. I'm not a coward…I only meant that Tayen will not be moved, even with your delicate condition"

"You're far from a coward Tavi. But you're right, there isn't a bone of compassion in Tayen's body and I will gladly lay my life down to protect my son, but I can't ask you to do the same. So please, turn back now…"

Tavi held her gaze, handing her the canteen wordlessly. Come on, he said, extending his hand to help her up and ignoring her heartfelt words. Leah clutched his hand through the pain radiating down her back, biting her bottom lip in a poor attempt of disguising her discomfort. And he said nothing,continuing to hold her hand in silent support as they picked up their pace. The hunting party's scent was becoming easier to track, which meant their own scents would soon be pronounced. But they were still down wind and held a slight advantage. One which needed to be capitalized why they still could. The wind could reverse at any moment and with it, turn the tides against them...


"YOU'RE SORRY?"

Tokola stepped in between both men, slowing down Caleb's violent response. Tamàs' confession had been a hard swallow for all three wolves, but their immediate anger could not overshadow the fact it'd given credibility to the she-wolf's farfetched claims.

"They are not empty words Caleb. I didn't make the connection at first, it was so long ago. Obviously had I known you were unaware of other wolves when we faced off with Aleksander, I would have spoken up sooner. Forgive me, I was ashamed once I realized the she-wolf was your kin"

"LEAH…her name was Leah and you have no idea what her death did to my family"

Tokola's head was spinning, his heart ached to believe she was alive and shared in Caleb's fury, but also knew there could be no room for discord to achieve the slightest chance of uncovering the truth and was grateful for Gideon's fast reply.

"Is mate. She's still alive, and Tamàs had a great deal to do with that. You owe him a bit of grace"

It was true, but Caleb wasn't ready to put aside his anger just yet; choosing to place some much-needed distance between himself and the conversation. Tokola wanted to follow, but Hawk requested to go in his place, sensing his own failing objectivity. Caleb took refuge in a rocky cliff bed, pulling his knees up to his chest and burying his face in-between as he'd done many times in childhood when anxious.

How was this possible? Had she been held captive? Her death had wedged deep cracks within the pack and had broken his father's spirit. Caleb fought against the heat traveling down his spine, but couldn't overpower the urge to phase, landing on four paws. So he ran, and if able, would have run all the way to La Push to apprise his family. But what if it was all lies? A cunning means to lure them. The mere prospect of giving his father hope to see it taken a way was enough to make him pause. Hawk's thoughts melded with his own and though he typically exercised control in the mind link, his own distress was making it difficult.

Jacob…and Paul…even his grandfather Embry would surely suffer as a result of false hope. But remaining quiet just didn't feel right…

No, it doesn't. We need help but…

The image of Solace's face was clear, and Caleb's regret was instantaneous.

Hawk I'm sorry…I've been going on about Leah and I haven't even stopped to consider how you must be feeling.

It's alright. To be honest, I don't know how to feel. I guess I should be a little enthusiastic for my dad's sake but I mean it's just a lot to take in and…well I don't know…I keep thinking about the reason I was sent here and I'm doing my best to cope but if it hadn't happened, the she-wolf in the forest might've not taken notice. So how do I reconcile that? If my child was still living, I'd be home and Ezra might've been the one to take my place. He looks so much like my mom and…

Hawk was hit with piercing pain, tinged with yearning and melancholia and Caleb fought tooth and nail for control, but it was too late; a tiny glimpse of a tender moment leaked through and pain turned into indescribable shame, amplified by Hawk's shock.

Who was that, Caleb?

But the mortified wolf was intentionally replaying the encounter with the she-wolves in a desperate attempt to deflect. Momentarily saved and relieved, by Tokola's call for them to phase back human.

I don't have any spare shorts; I'll meet you after I find some clothes…

He couldn't meet Hawk's gaze, hurrying in the opposite direction.

"Caleb…Caleb…Come on man, don't walk away from me" But his words only spurred his speedy escape.

Hawk resisted the urge to go after him, aware there were more pressing matters to discuss. What was happening right now? Everything had gotten so out of control in the span of a few days. Threatening the composure and tranquility he'd worked to achieve. Yet his life had been spiraling out of control for so long now. He'd lost so much of himself the last year, it had become work to remember the ease in his ability to approach life's difficulties with a pragmatic mind.

Hawk had forgotten just how much his family and pack had depended on him. The frequency in which they sought his counsel. Until his life had unraveled and it was he who'd needed their support. But had been so unaccustomed to seeking help, he'd foolishly turned to meaningless physical encounters and self-medication in hopes of quieting his pain. Yet he was still standing, and the truth of that provided bitter comfort, knowing he had no choice but to find his footing and quick. Though he was also wiser in learning the importance of sharing the burden by leaning on those he trusted most.

Introspection would have to wait…there would be time to question and examine how each domino piece had toppled the other as a catalyst in this multidimensional reaction. This was the time to act, to strategize and formulate a cohesive plan. He focused on the task at hand, resolute steps propelling him forward towards the animated voices of his pack brother and friends.

"We need to get word to the pack"

"Have you continued testing the mind link?"

"Yes, of course but it's no use. We can't hear anyone but ourselves. We need to find another way to send word as soon as we can"

A look of sheer frustration painted Tokola's features as he turned hopeful eyes towards Hawk, seeking his support.

"We do need to get word, but discretion on who we tell might be wise"

"What the hell are you talking about Hawk? If Leah's alive then the whole pack deserves to know…"

"But we haven't confirmed that, and we don't even know anything about these wolves or of their numbers. Look, the minute this reaches my grandfather or Seth, we'll lose our only advantage…the element of surprise. They'll rush here with the whole pack and potentially start a war we may be able to avoid"

"Who cares about the element of surprise…we need the pack's support and it's not up to you to decide"

"He's not alone…I agree with Hawk, Tokola. We need to be smart about this"

Tokola turned incredulous eyes towards the third member of their 3- man pack.

"I can't believe YOU, of all people, are agreeing to this. SHE'S YOUR BLOOD…"

"Exactly, so I have a larger stake in this than you..."

"SO WE DO NOTHING?"

Tokola was reeling, struggling to understand his pack brothers' reasoning. Tamàs was prudently observing silence, understanding this was not his call. But like Hawk, was concerned over the implications for the pack and welfare of his own people, prompting his next words.

"I can send my fastest men to send word. They should reach the nearest town before sunrise if they leave now. In the meantime, we should cease construction and move the encampment North as a precaution. I'll leave our best fighters here to join you on whatever course of action you decide. I will remain as well"

Tokola released a defeated sigh, shaking his head in disagreement but willing to at least hear Hawk's plan.

"Well? Who do we send word to then?

A small smile formed at the corner of Hawk's mouth, his eyes narrowing cleverly as a plan began taking form.

"I think I know just the right wolf for the job…"

Playlist

Don't Be What They Made You- Marco Beltrami

Hide and Seek-Imogen Heap

He's Back-Jed Kurzel