Seeing the glimpse of the Cair over the hillside made Peter's stomach twist uncomfortably. Still the castle stood glorious and golden.

And I am none of those things, Peter thought to himself as they came over the hill. The full sight of the castle was upon him now.

It was exactly the same from the day he left. It felt so much longer ago than a week. Everything was different now.

He was so different now.

Tainted and scarred. It was the first time he had truly wished to be returning home to England in five years instead because, at least, in London, no one expected anything of him. But here, he was High King, and he did not believe he was much of one of late.

Still, regardless of his inner turmoil, they continued towards the entrance of the Cair. Some of their soldiers and their people bowed and greeted them. Mostly, it was quiet. No one was excited, and Peter was glad for it.

This was no celebration. All he did was live, and that was barely.

Susan and Edmund were on both sides of Peter, Susan's hand holding his, Edmund linking his arm around his other. This once, he was comforted by their closeness. They did not make him feel like he was suffocating, and he was grateful for that. It was returning home that caused him the most turmoil.

As they approached the bridge leading to the Cair, Susan leaned in closer to his ear and said as if she could read his mind, "Just breathe. We are right here for you."

Edmund leaned in closer, as if he knew too. But they were not ruined people. He was.

He was managing well enough until he saw Oreius.

His eyes shifted to his feet, just taking one step at a time. He could not look Oreius in the eyes like he once did. Not after he had fallen so much from someone who might have been worthy of Oreius's respect to someone who deserved none. Not after he had cried and pleaded with the White Witch. Not after she branded him hers.

Only when he felt the gently nudge from his siblings did he realize he had stopped moving. Every part of him did.

He only glanced at Oreius to see the present stoic expression falter to a frown. That was when the heat rose to Peter's face, and coldness tingled against his skin.

"I can't do this," he barely got out the words. Pulling away from his siblings, he tried to get away from the situation. They did not hold onto him, but they did not let him leave without questions.

Edmund asked gently, "What can you not do?"

"This!" Peter nearly hissed, hoping Edmund would keep his voice down. Although, it hardly mattered. Peter, Edmund, and Susan had stopped. No one was going to move until their Kings and Queen proceeded. Evidently, that meant all eyes were on them. That only made it all worse.

Hastily, he gestured to the Cair and the bridge in front of them. All of them.

"I just can't—" he could not explain. He could not even attempt to try. He was not the same person. How could he go back to the home that was once his?

"How can we help?" Susan asked gently.

"I don't know," he said sadly. He shook his head. What was wrong with him? How could he just not walk in? His own frustration boiled.

"My good sirs and ladies, please, continue on ahead," Edmund called out to their people. "Leave us." Not a single argument was heard. Their people hastily left.

The only people remaining were the three of them and Oreius, who came a bit closer, yet still held himself at a cautious length.

"I don't know how to do this," Peter admitted.

"We will learn together," Edmund reassured. "You have helped us all. We will help you."

I do not deserve that help.

"But you don't know what happened—I can't go in there," Peter repeated himself. "Not like this."

"This is your home," Oreius spoke for the first time, taking a few cautious steps towards them. Peter's heart pounded, and his eyes widened. Oreius stopped when he must have noticed Peter's panicked expression. "What she has done to you does not change that."

Of course he is saying that, he does not know the truth, Peter thought to himself.

Peter shook his head.

"You don't understand," Peter started. Tears welded in his eyes.

Before he could begin, he heard Lucy yell his name, "Peter!"

There was such an overwhelming joy and love in her voice, all of Peter's other harsh thoughts vanished for a moment.

All four of their attention went to her as she ran to them.


Lucy was grateful Peter's back was turned to her as she approached with Mr. Tumnus. She was grateful he did not see the way she nearly stumbled at the sight of him. He had lost significant weight. But it was not the physical appearance that terrified her, it was his demeanor.

The stress was radiating off his entire body. The anguish, the turmoil, he was struggling a battle she did not know of. His shoulders slouched from a terrible defeat. It struck her heart to see him like this.

What had happened to her sweet brother? She knew she could perplex the question later. For, Peter needed her now.

He was home, and that was all that was going to matter to her.

With a reassuring nod from Mr. Tumnus, Lucy put on her brightest smile, shouting his name. She had startled all four of them.

She ran to them, kicking up bits of dirt on her dress. She ran straight to Peter, engrossing him in a hug.

She did not know why but she felt him stiffen as if a snake had coiled him. However, before she could pull away, his tension reduced ever so slightly, and he wrapped his arms around her.

"Peter," she kept the joy in her voice. "I am so happy to see you!" His hold tightened around her slightly. "I missed you."

"Lu—" he just whispered softly. His chin rested on her shoulder. He only began leaning more and more until she realized he had begun to cry.

"It's alright, Peter, it'll be alright," she tried to reassure. She eyed Susan and Edmund. While Edmund nodded in encouragement to her, Susan's focus was on Peter.

Lucy held onto him tightly, trying her best to give him her love just through her hug. She hoped it was enough. Her own tears escaped through her eyes.

What happened to you?

After some time, he pulled away from her, wiping the tears off his cheeks. He was awfully quiet. Only a sniffle left him every few seconds. He was staring at his hands. He was trembling.

"Hey, Pete," Peter did not even look at Edmund when he spoke. "Why don't we head inside?" He did not even seem like he heard Edmund either.

Lucy's eyes flashed to Susan and Edmund, but they look as perplexed and uncertain as she felt. She looked to Oreius. He just tilted his head up, gesturing for her to try.

She held her hand out to Peter. His eyes lingered on her hand as if he was not sure what it was. Then he looked at her, questioning. His apprehension was unnerving. Did he think she could hurt him too?

"We can do this," she encouraged.

Very cautiously, his hand took hers. Gently, she gingerly walked towards the bridge, to see if he would follow. He did rather slowly, as if every step was agonizing.

For him, maybe it was.

They crossed the bridge at a slow pace, but it seemed to strain Peter to bear it. By the time they reached the front steps leading into the palace itself, he was short of breath.

He did not say a word. Instead, he elected just to sit down on the steps. He placed his head between his hands.

"Jules," Lucy called her nearby attendant, "Would you fetch my brother some water?"

"At once, my Queen," and she was off to comply. When she returned and offered the water to Peter, he just shook his head. At Susan's gesture, Jules handed her the water, and Susan thanked her before Jules departed.

Susan knelt down beside Peter, whispering soft words to him, "You don't have to drink it now, but you need to drink, Peter. You cannot dehydrate yourself either."

Peter barely spoke above a whisper, yet they all heard him. In a rather despairing tone, he asked, "Why is everything so hard?"

An echoing silence followed. Lucy certainly did not know how to answer him. It just hurt her down to her soul to hear him ask such a question.

"It will get easier," Edmund promised. Peter looked unconvinced. Edmund gently added, "It did for me."

It only took Peter about two seconds before his face scrunched with effort, almost a near pink color as he fought his emotions.

His curled hand pressed against his lips. Tears threatened to leave his eyes.

Lucy's own heart plummeted. The reminder that Edmund endured his own version of the White Witch's captivity stung Lucy terribly. Both of her brothers had suffered so much at that Witch's hands.

"Your majesty," Oreius caught their attention, Peter's especially. "Give yourself a respite. You do not have to deal with every aspect now."

Tears welled in Peter's eyes when he nodded.

"How about we rest upstairs, Peter?" Susan asked, keeping her voice delicate. She held out her hand to him, and he took it.

After some moments, they were able to coax him into entering the castle. Every step to his Chambers was the same but yet different struggle. Every part took more convincing and a few more tears. It broke Lucy's heart.

She knew that if he was like this, it must have meant he endured monstrous things. He was still so strong. He was fighting every inch not to break apart. It was admirable, she knew. But as his sister, seeing how devastated he was, it was far worse than she ever imagined.

They finally reached his Chambers, and the four of them proceeded in. Peter froze after the first step into his room. Nothing had been touched or moved. No one other than his chamber attendants to clean and his siblings had even been inside.

Lucy heard his breath hitch. She took a hold of his hand, giving him a reassuring squeeze. With her hand locked with his, he took his next steps in, and a pained look was on his face.

"It is strange. Nothing has changed," he noticed.

"Yes," Lucy agreed positively. "It is exactly the way it was."

"But I am not," he admitted sadly.

She did not know what to say to that. It seemed more like an observation he was saying aloud than directly to her. He looked around the room, as if he was noticing more evidence to support his statement.

His sad tone remained, but he asked, "Susan, do you still have that water?"

She handed him the goblet with a welcomed word. He drank a few small sips of it before he placed the goblet on his desk, not seeming to notice that he placed the goblet on all the documents that he had been working on prior.

Lucy wondered if Peter had been right. Had he changed that much? From what she had seen, she could not tell. She saw the bits of Peter there, but he just seemed too distraught for her to know for certain.

I will love him always, she told herself. She made a mental note to say the same words to him later.

He sat on the edge of his bed. He looked between the three of them almost in disbelief before cautiously laying down on his side. It was as if he was afraid the bed would be snatched away from him.

He was tense and much more on alert than he needed to be.

"It's alright, Pete. We will be here the whole time," Edmund reassured, taking a seat in the armchair near his bed to demonstrate this.

"And we will be here when you wake up," Susan added with a sweet smile on her face.

Lucy pulled his desk chair over and sat right beside him.

"We love you, Peter," Lucy leaned over to kiss his cheek, and he flinched. Instead, she pulled back carefully before sitting in the chair. "And we are not going anywhere."

His eyebrows furrowed for a moment before they slightly relaxed.

"I love you too," he quietly answered. Eventually, he closed his eyes, exhaustion taking hold more than fear.

Slowly, the tension left him, and he fell asleep soundlessly. He was so strained and distressed. It would make sense it would be draining on him.

When it was rather certain Peter was asleep, Lucy asked in a hushed tone, "What happened?"

"We do not know," Susan said. "He is hardly speaking, let alone telling anyone what happened to him."

Edmund did not provide an answer at all. She worried that he knew more than just what Susan and Lucy did. Lucy was hoping that they would provide answers to her questions.

"What are we going to do?"

Edmund just continued watching Peter sleep with deep concern while Susan answered, "I don't think there is anything we can do."

That was not reassuring at all. Lucy was hoping one of them would have an approach, something to help make Peter feel safe.

"You two should rest. I'll stay with him," Lucy offered.

"I am not going anywhere," Edmund stated firmly. "I told him I would be here, and I am going to be."

"As am I," Susan agreed with the same amount of certainty.

It is not just Peter, she realized. Certainly, the most damage and focus was on Peter. But already, she saw how Susan and Edmund were altered by this too.

Aslan, please, help my siblings and me through this, she silently prayed. Most of all, please, help Peter.