"I think we should take a moment, just to rest."

Marinette raised an eyebrow. "Why? I can keep going."

Chat raised an eyebrow back. "Your last seven yawns disagree, Princess."

"…Fine. Five minutes."

Chat lowered Marinette gently onto the nearest rooftop, sitting himself next to her with a sigh. Since leaving, they'd checked from the bakery to the Eiffel Tower, round main central Paris, and back towards the Champs Élysées and found no sign of Tikki. Marinette, in some type of way, seemed very anxious to find her, checking every corner and crevice almost obsessively, and Chat had noticed. She'd looked close to tears at one point, and while Chat chalked that up to her empathy, he also realised it was late, and emotions ran high in the dead of the night.

So, he'd thought a small pitstop would be best. Marinette seemed determined to keep searching, and Plagg, speaking inside his head, very much felt the same, so it wouldn't be for long, but they could still take a small moment. It wasn't like Tikki could get more missing than she already was. Besides, if when they did find her, they were exhausted, she'd only chastise them for missing sleep.

"So…" Chat said awkwardly, trying to start conversation. "How's uhh… how's school?"

Marinette snorted. "It's destroyed?" She said incredulously.

"Oh. I forgot." He scratched the back of his head and cringed. "I couldn't think of a conversation topic and just… blanked."

She smiled, bumping his arm with her shoulder. "It's okay, I forget sometimes too. It doesn't feel real. The week before last I woke up to my alarm blaring, and I was still half-asleep so thought I was late; I was half-way through packing my books in my bag before I remembered the school was not only smashed to bits, but that it was a Sunday and I wouldn't have had lessons anyway."

Chat huffed out a laugh. "I get that."

Marinette sighed, leaning against his shoulder. "This is nice. I haven't really spoken to anyone who doesn't treat me like glass lately, it's a nice change of pace."

Chat gave her a look. "Can you blame them? You nearly died, Mari."

Holding her breath and counting to ten, Marinette tried to calm down her breathing, knowing snapping defensively at Chat would do no good. She and Chat had had this conversation a million times as their hero selves, just differently, she'd never been the one told off for being sacrificial before. It was weird, and confusing, to be on the other side. "I don't regret it, even if I know it was stupid. I'd probably do it again."

"Have you spoken about that with anyone?" Chat replied. He was trying very hard to make his tone non-judgemental. "Like Alya, or your parents, or someone else?"

"I… not exactly. I'm just— everything is so mixed up, I can't figure out how I feel— I'm overwhelmed."

He tilted his head. "What do you mean?"

Marinette took another deep breath and hugged her knees to her chest. "Since Ladybug's… disappearance, I don't really feel like I'm in control anymore, and while I know, trust me I know, it wasn't a good decision to get myself near crushed to death by an Akuma, but I don't like feeling powerless, and it was my choice. I made it, I acted on it, and I did it. I was in control of myself and my actions and I saved someone, stopped a tragedy. Despite everything, I can't help feeling protective of that."

"But Mari, you could've caused another one." Chat said quietly. "No one wants to lose you either."

Mari clenched her jaw, nodding like she didn't want to. "I know that, but I can't help but know that if I hadn't done what I did? I'd have never forgiven myself."

Chat watched her pull at her pyjama sleeves, lost in her thoughts, before he said, "…I don't think you were wrong to try to help Alya, she's your friend and you care about her, but take it from someone who has been yelled at a thousand times or more by Ladybug for being self-sacrificial, the pain and the fear your family and friends went through… you can't just ignore that. And, hey, that's not to say you being upset isn't important or worth talking about!" He said quickly, as Mari looked to him with pained eyes, "But you have to acknowledge that they were really scared too. A lot of their actions now are an attempt to keep you safe because, for a moment, they thought they'd lost you forever. The world's better with you in it, Marinette."

Marinette managed a half-laugh-half-breath-sound. She wiped her nose on her shirt. "Thanks. I appreciate it, Chat."

"No problem."

"But, if you understand…" Mari said softly, "Then why don't you stop sacrificing yourself for Ladybug? Why don't you stop?"

At this, Chat shuffled uncomfortably, not liking how the conversation had shifted. He twisted his hands in his lap, his cat ears flattening against his head. "The relationship between Ladybug and I, it's complicated. She's this amazing, smart, funny, beautiful—"

"Beautiful?!"

"— kind person, and someone I know will save the day no matter what, and I'm just her sidekick. She, whatever she wants to admit to me or herself, doesn't really need me to be there. She can, and has, saved the day without me tons of times, so I can afford to be dispensable. I know for certain she'll always win and she'll bring me back. Sometimes me sacrificing myself is the key to victory, and I've… come to terms with that. No matter what, Ladybug is the most important, and I have to protect her."

Marinette's face crumpled, and she reached out, squeezing his hand, even as her own was shaking. "Chat, no, you're her partner, and there's so much she couldn't do without you, she relies on you—"

Chat nodded, shutting his eyes tight, "Exactly. She relies on me to back her up. If I have to be collateral, then that's what I'll be."

Mari shook her head, her pigtails whipping back and forth. "No! You don't have to be! You have to know you're amazing too… Chat, you're just as smart, way more funny, definitely kind, uhh, um, and I don't remember what else you said about Ladybug but… you're cool! Don't say that you're… it's like you can't see how— Chat you're my hero. You're worth so much more than what you think of yourself."

"I could say the same to you." He said softly, sitting back on his palms and looking at her with a lop-sided grin. "Guess we both have some self-worth to look for, huh?"

Marinette opened her mouth to reply, and shut it with a clack of her teeth. She pulled Chat's hand to her chest and pressed her forehead to the leather, whining like she didn't want to admit he was right. He let her, not sure what he'd do otherwise, and waited until she'd taken a moment before asking tentatively, "Mari? Are you okay?"

"I'm… fighting."

"Fighting what?"

"I'm, I mean—" She shivered, sitting up a little straighter so she could look at him directly, "—I both want to fight to protect everyone, but I also want to protect their feelings, but those two ideas don't always align. If I want to protect Alya's safety, I have to risk making her mad at me for endangering myself, but, I also understand what you're saying. Seeing someone you love hurt on your behalf sucks. It's not fair of me to ask them to just get over it when… I'm not over it either. It was a choice made out of desperation and I know I would make it again if it meant saving someone else, but I also need to work out what that means in terms of the kind of person I am, and how I feel about myself. It's just, I'm finding it really difficult to find that balance, y'know? I need to figure it out at my own pace, but it becomes harder when there's so many many people depending on me being okay again. That's all I'm trying to do. Just trying to figure myself out."

Chat didn't answer straight away. He seemed to be digesting what she'd said, and Marinette didn't want to rush him, so when he said, very quietly. "Hey, can I tell you something I've never told anyone before?" Marinette almost didn't hear him.

She nodded, eyes wide. She'd never had him open up to her as Ladybug. The masks, though a guise, didn't give them all freedoms, and she could say of herself that keeping personal secrets became both easier and harder when you couldn't even say your own name. This time, she wasn't going to tell him to be quiet. After all, she was Marinette, not Ladybug, and Marinette was allowed to listen to her friend's worries.

Chat twisted his tail between his hands. "I am so stressed. Like, all the time. And its not this—" He said, gesturing up and down his suit. "—that's even the main problem. It's everything outside of being a superhero, which yeah, still comes with it's own complications, especially right now, but outside of it I'm always so busy; I don't get any down time. I didn't know what downtime was until my friend told me I needed to 'chill out'. I only really started to notice recently that being a hero is all I'm really passionate about. I didn't really have time to find things I wanted to do, just because I like them. I have no idea who I am. There are things I do, like learn piano and Chinese, but I only keep with them because my Dad wants me to, and they're not really fun, not anymore… not without my mum to teach me."

"Your mum?" Marinette asked before she could stop herself. "She's not around?"

For a second she thought she'd stepped on a landmine as Chat instantly tensed, but he ran a hand through his hair with a shaky laugh and smiled wanly at her. "My mother… she disappeared a while ago. I don't know what happened, just one day I came back from a job and my Dad's assistant told me she was gone."

"Your dad didn't tell you himself?" Marinette gasped. "How could he not say something like that to your face?"

Chat shrugged, trying not to look upset. "We aren't really close. I'd like to be, now its just us, but he's never home, and when he is, he's always working and we don't get the opportunity to talk about anything. He has a lot of expectations for me. I think he's setting me up to take over his business when I'm older, but I don't know if that's really what I want. I haven't had any time to think about it, and I guess he doesn't want to talk about it. He doesn't talk to me about anything."

Marinette put her hand on Chat's shoulder. "Oh, Chaton, I had no idea."

"It's okay. You had no way of knowing." He said matter-of-factly. "But I think its one of the reasons why I'm talking Ladybug vanishing so hard. It's not only scary, but it just hits home how much I really hate being alone and feeling lost, like I've got no one to tell me what to do, but it's okay. Just got to get used it."

"No, Chaton, no, it's not okay, don't get used to it." Mari blurted, clenching her fists like she was trying not punch something. "You are allowed to be happy, you should be, and sometimes that means disappointing people, or going through hard times. It doesn't make you bad, or evil, just human. You get to choose who you are outside of your dad, and outside of Ladybug! If you don't want to be what he wants, you don't have to be. If you don't want to be alone, you don't have to be. You've got me if you need me, whenever, and I already know that you are so much more than some random boy running around dressed as a cat, okay? Whoever you decide you want to be, you're going to amazing, Chat, you're bright and positive and you always make me smile, no matter how annoyed or sad I am, and there's not many people who can do that. You don't need someone to tell you what to do, you're already enough the way you are! You're incredible."

Taken aback, all Chat could manage was a whispered. "Woah."

Mari flushed, breathless. Once she'd started talking she hadn't been able to stop the flood, and was beginning to feel very embarrassed about how much she'd said. "You know uhh, my parents actually wanted me to be a baker." She said too fast, trying to change the subject.

Chat barked out a laugh he didn't expected, then saw the look on Marinette's face. "Oh, you're serious. Sorry."

Marinette rolled her eyes, still blushing as red as a tomato. "Yeah haha, the bakers' didn't want their daughter to be a designer from birth, big surprise. But really! They couldn't understand why I wanted to go into fashion and not take over the bakery at first, it took a long conversation before they were more open to it. I felt bad for ages, still do a little, but I realised that it's my happiness that I'm going to have to live with making at the end of the day. I never want to make them upset, but its my dream, not theirs, and I have to at least try, and if it doesn't work out, then the bakery will always be there to catch me if I fall. Do you get what I'm trying to say?"

Chat frowned. "A little? But I don't have a dream, not like that. Being a superhero was basically it, and I don't want it to be anything like a job."

"Hmm." Marinette said, tapping her lip with a finger thoughtfully, "Well, that just means you've got options! I know for me, finding fashion was thanks to modelling magazines and being given the freedom to make my own clothing with a sewing kit and some home-grown determination. It might be a good idea to start with what do you like to do of your own accord? In whatever free time you have?"

"I'll try it." He said, winking. "Thank you, Marinette, I mean it. I'm not exactly sure what I'll start with though. I can't exactly make a career out of being Ladybug's biggest fan."

"You never know, Alya managed it." Marinette joked. "She's Nadja's protege, didn't you hear? All thanks to her Ladyblog; it being associated with the studio brings new demographics apparently, and it looks like she might be offered a scholarship through them soon."

Chat shook his head, "Wow. She hustles like no one else. I'm not even surprised. She's not knocking me off the top spot though! I'm Ladyfan number one, forever and always."

Marinette's expression softened. "How are you holding up? With… out her?"

Chat chewed his lip, twisting his tail again. "Honestly? Not great. She's been missing so long, I can't help but think maybe Hawk Moth got to her, and I don't want to think about it, but what else could've happened? If I can't find her soon, I have to assume the worst, and then what?" He let out a unsteady breath. "I don't like the idea of having to fight him alone, but what choice will I have? I can't Cataclysm every butterfly, who even knows what effect that could have on the Akuma victims, and I can't clean up the mess they make afterwards, and I can't find him. Paris will be a wasteland before I figure out who Hawk Moth is. I'm no good at making plans."

Marinette closed her eyes. "I'm so sorry, Chaton. You've been burdened with so much."

He shook his head. "No, not burdened. I took on this responsibly willingly. I could've said no to being a hero, and everything that came with it, but I didn't, and I'm happy about that, just sometimes its hard… and right now it's lonely. I don't like being lonely, that's all."

"That doesn't make it fair, willing or not." Marinette sighed. "If I were in your position, I think I would've cried my eyes out. I don't know if I could've handled all that by myself."

"Nah." Chat smirked. "You're courageous, brave, sweet, cool. You fighting to keep going, looking out for Alya, that takes strength and patience. You'd make a great superhero."

Marinette hummed. She didn't sound convinced.

"Welp." Chat said, standing up, and holding out a hand for her. "Now, uhh, sorry to cut this short, but we better get gone. We've still got a missing Kwa— uhh, I mean missing person, to find, and not much time left to do it, and I'm getting a headache." He didn't mention that it was because Plagg was screaming non-stop about how they were wasting time. Somehow he felt telling Marinette that he could hear voices inside his head would not only kill the mood but the fledging friendship they were building too, and he really didn't want to ruin it.

"Oh! Of course, yeah, and, um Chat? When we find her, we can always do this again, the chatting bit, if you'd like to?" Marinette said, still blushing a little. "I like talking to you. You're less embarrassing than I thought you were."

"What? Embarrassing? I'll have you know I'm the cat's meow."

"…I take it back. You're the most embarrassing person on the planet."

"I'm actually a cat, not a person."

"You're such a furry." Marinette groaned, and Chat laughed, and they both felt a little lighter.

The break had definitely been worth it.

After another hour of searching, there'd been no tails or spots found. It wasn't making Marinette feel any better, and she couldn't go as far as to say she was in good spirits, but she wasn't as stressed as she'd been before, which was a nice, welcome change of pace, and she could accredit that all to Chat. At least now she knew for a fact she wasn't the only one feeling inadequate in the face of great responsibility.

"Want me to drop you back where I picked you up?" Chat asked as they neared the bakery, just two streets away.

"You mean my house? Yes, where else would you be putting me?" Marinette laughed.

Chat smirked. "I meant the roof, but sure if you want me to land you at the Louvre, I can take a detour."

"Haha, very funny." She watched him break out a Cheshire grin. "Seriously, don't do that."

It felt like the bakery appeared back in sight all too quickly. Marinette almost wanted to invite Chat in for a hot chocolate and a chat so the night couldn't end so soon, but something caught her eye, and all plans fell through before they'd even begun.

"Oh no." Mari's face fell. "My mum's on the balcony."

Chat looked over. "That's not good is it?"

"Nope, no, it is not good at all. She's going to be so angry, oh god." Marientte groaned, "You might want to make a speedy exit, Chat."

"Why?"

"She'll want to quiz you on everything, or blame you for something, it's better you just go, I don't want her getting the wrong idea. I'll just tell her I offered to help you look for a missing person, that's true without giving anything away, right?"

"Uhh." He blinked. "Technically?"

Chat gently put Marinette down on the end of the balcony, tilting his baton so it leant safely against the railing for easy dismount. Marinette gestured at him to leave, but he didn't, hoping that if Mari was going to be yelled at he could at least be there to shoulder some of the blame. He worried that in Sabine's eyes, he might have well as kidnapped her daughter. He didn't want to make a bad impression.

"Marinette? Marinette! Oh thank goodness." Sabine clutched her chest and let out a long breath as she rushed over to check Marinette for wounds and scoop her into a hug. "I thought— oh, Marinette. Where were you?"

"I was helping Chat—" Marinette started.

"Marinette, sweetheart, we talked about this, you can't just go off without telling us!" Sabine continued, apparently too worked up to notice she'd cut her daughter off. "I was so worried, I thought you'd run away or fallen, or that you'd been stolen!"

Marinette closed her eyes, taking a breath through her teeth. "I was helping Chat look for a missing person, Mama. I wasn't kidnapped, I didn't fall, I am fine."

Sabine narrowed her eyes, flicking her iron stare between Chat and Marinette suspiciously. "Why did he need you to look?"

Marinette resisted the angry tone creeping into her voice. "I offered to help, Mama. I know Paris, I've got a good eye and—"

"But why would he need your help?" Sabine half-yelled, cutting Mari short again. "Out of all the people in Paris? You're not a hero, you're just a girl, just my daughter, nothing super, no riches, no powers, you are Marinette, up past her bedtime, and that is it. You don't need to be anything else. Why would he need a civilian's help when he has someone like Ladybug to—" Sabine stopped herself, but she'd already said both enough and too much.

Both Chat and Marinette stiffened, and for a horrid moment no one said anything, until Chat, very uncomfortably, cleared his throat and straightened his back.

"I… I guess I should go now. See you around Marinette, thank you for your help." Marinette didn't miss the way his face fell as he turned to leave, her chest compressing in sympathy and heartache, knowing who that face was for. A strong part of her wanted to blurt everything right there and then, just so he'd stop looking so lost.

Sabine reached out, catching his arm. She let go as soon as he looked at her, rubbing her hands together sheepishly. "Chat Noir, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend, I was just worried about Marinette and it wasn't right of me to say—"

"It's alright, Mrs Dupain-Cheng." Chat said through a sad smile, his eyes watering a little at the edges, "It's okay, really. I… sometimes I forget she's not here too." Waving a last goodbye to Marinette, Chat bounded away, slipping off into the night.

Mari turned, hair whipping, and pushed past her mother to get to the hatch. "I'm going to bed."

"No, Marinette, no, we have to talk about—"

"What is there to talk about?" Marinette cried, throwing her hands up. "You wanna talk about how you don't trust me enough to make my own decisions? You wanna talk about you rewrote the way you think about me the moment I came home that day, so now instead of being thoughtful, I'm reckless, and instead of mature, I'm irresponsible, and oh my god, I'm a danger to myself and I can't do anything without help and I need constant supervision or who knows what'll happen to me? You wanna talk in more circles like that? Again? Now? Mama, it's late, and you don't really want to listen to anything I have to say anyway. I'll try to explain myself and you'll cut me off. I'll start to tell you what I'm thinking and you'll tell me it's wrong. I got in an accident while trying to help someone, trying to help Alya, and it's like suddenly you can't see me anymore, like it was a bad thing to want to save my friend. To you, I'm just a baby waiting to die. You think I'm helpless, you think I'm useless."

"Marinette, please, I don't—"

"No, Mama." Mari whispered, furiously scrubbing her eyes, "I'm tired. I don't want to talk. I'm going to brush my teeth and then I'm going to bed. You can yell at me for trying to be a good person some other time."

And with that, Mari dropped through the roof hatch, ran to the bathroom, slammed the door and locked it shut, knowing that if Tikki were here beside her, she'd be so, so disappointed.

(10:03) From Alya ✨✨

mariiiii ive got BIG BIG news get excited boo

(10:03) From Alya ✨✨

i may have discovered something not short off of a miracle

(10:03) From Alya ✨✨

ill be there in five u better get ready and dressed hun

(10:04) From Alya ✨✨

this is goin to blow. ur. mind.