I Don't Own Pokemon
I sighed once more from the lounge of the Pokemon Center, I had been doing that a lot, more than I would like. But I was to emotionally taxed at the moment so I was just defaulting to whatever was easiest to just vent some stuff. Right now from what I understood, my emotional spectrum was all over the place, I was so angry at how hurt my family had gotten during the battle, but I was also disappointed that my team and I lost so close to the end.
Well, personally, I didn't mind that much, the only purpose in challenging those four was to get a good and proper battle, I knew that going in that their was a possibility that I would lose, I figured it to be about seventy-thirty in my favor before the battle, but afterwards I'm pretty sure it was much close to fifty-fifty, with the scales being tipped in favor of the four elites, which hurt my pride, but I already knew from winning the luague my ego would have inflated some, no matter what I would try to do to curb it.
Still this was all not mentioning my own personal guilt once again going back to how much my family had gotten hurt. I don't like feeling guilty, it's one of the few emotions I have so little experience in that it just hurts feeling it, no way to try and block it out any. So I just sighed again, because I'm unoriginal, as I placed a hand over the lower part of my head, covering my mouth up as I looked over towards the sliding doors that lead to the ER, the sigh above it was lit, showing that my team was still in process of being healed.
I think almost uncomfortable knowing that the pokeballs that were always on my person wasn't with me, not even on my person, it had been months, close to eight, if my math was right since I've been without at least one of my Pokemon with me. So all I could do was stare at the door and wait, it had already been about forty minutes but from what I had been told from the nurse, it could take anywhere from at least four hours to at worst two days, before everyone was fully recovered.
Which just made me feel worse about the entire thing, so in summary, at the moment I was a build up of a bunch of emotions and I'm not the best at dealing and understanding those. Side effect of being emotional stunted in the few emotions I was currently feeling guilt, and regret being the top two, sure I could recognize the emotion and the cause but I didn't know how to use that to get me out of my runt. I was going to sigh again but my internal problems were interrupted as I hear a voice.
"Hey kid, I thought I would find you here, I got to say I'm impressed. You've gotten closer to battling me than the winners of the last seven Indigo Leagues and most of those were veterans at being a trainer" I just gave a half nod, not really listening as much as I probably should have to the regional champion, who seemed to notice my downtrodden expression, which just showed how out of it I was, if I couldn't even keep my face neutral.
"Are you upset that you didn't win? It's nothing to be a shamed about, you did amazing, better than anyone could have expected you to do. If I was in your shoes I would be through the roof in excitement" I felt something buckle inside me at that, as I felt myself react on near instinct as I snapped at the champion, it was a small one thankfully, though I still barely held back from saying anything worse than what was already coming out of my mouth.
"Why the hell should I be happy? My team is in the ER right now" I didn't like the coldness that was in my voice as I spoke, it was close to monotone just like how I sounded when I said anything else but now it just felt sharper, it brought up some uncomfortable memories, that I quickly shut down fast before it drug up anymore emotions to deal with.
"I can understand your concern but they'll be ok. This can't the the first time they've gotten hurt" He said that like it justified the fact that everyone of my Pokemon was currently being treated for serve exhaustion and almost complete body bruising for most of them. Turning to face him, just enough that he could see the left side of my face that wasn't covered from my hair falling with gravity and instead of saying any of the thoughts that I was having, was just snarky, falling back on a fake arrogance.
"I've been a trainer for a year, and in that time have become on par with the Elite Four and have become a League Champion. How often do you think I've had time to lose?" He seemed to become uncomfortable at that before shrugging and said.
"Well I know I got beaten plenty of time as a rookie getting beaten like it was nothing, it isn't anything you should be ashamed of, losing is a natural part of getting better" He still thinks I actually care about losing to his gang of trainers, sure I was a little disappointed, but that's just in the nature of anyone to want to win. But that's all it was.
"I don't care about my damn win-record, I don't give a damn that this is my second lost, it could be my five hundredth for all I care. But that doesn't change the fact that my family is currently in the hospital and I'm the one that put them there" That seemed to make him quite down, as I turned my eyes back to the door that lead to the ER, I could almost feel the shift in Lance's stance as he turned to look at the door as well, before fainting saying.
"You blame yourself for this?" It was stated as a question but I could hear it in his voice that it was already a formed conclusion for him, and it was probably correct, it would explain why I'm feeling like crap. I just let out a sigh as I, after a few seconds said.
"It's horrible, you know?" He didn't seem to understand what I was trying to get across, as I felt him look back over at me, so I said after another moment of consideration if I should even say anything, but in the end I wasn't going anywhere, and I had a feeling neither would he.
"It's the first time I've lost in a full team battle, the only other time was a one on one. But here? I had to watch as every single one of my family, the Pokemon I've spent the last year with, go down after pushing themselves to the absolute limit to the point where I'm sure that even moving for them at one point was painful for them. And I just had to ignore the clear pain their in and send out my next Pokemon just to watch it happen over and over again"
I was aware that he was looking at me in concern now, I didn't even have to check, I could practically feel the pity rolling off of him and I really wish he would just stop. Though he did seem to finally understand I didn't care about my lose, as he seemed to sigh, before pulling out a chair out from across of me and sat down, telling me.
"I'm sorry I didn't think of that, I can understand why you're so torn up about this now, but you shouldn't let this keep you down. After all, it would be horrible if such a talented Pokemon such as yourself stopped training" I could see what he was trying to do, and while I wasn't the most appreciative of the frankly blunt form of manipulation, I did understand where he was coming from, as I said.
"I'm not giving up on battling, of course not, my Team loves it and while it does have moments like these for me. I would never take away something they love doing. I just need to take a bit of a break for a while, go vacationing for a month or two, something like that I guess. But right now, I'm feeling way to much for my emotionally overtaxed mind to worry about all that right now" He nodded, at least that's what I think he did, as I was mostly guessing his reactions to my comments.
"Good, I hope you get everything sorted out then, though I am curious about what you're going to be doing next" I honestly wasn't sure, besides the base plan laid out I didn't ever get around to planning out my trip much, so I just shrugged my shoulders and said.
"No idea really, I do know I'm going to be heading to my home region, Unova, for a few months so I'll explore around their for a bit, but besides that. I have no clue as to what I'll be doing. Probably going to head to another region for a couple months, might do another League or something similar to let my team have some fun and get some proper battles in, but that's about it as fair as plans go"
He nodded at that, though once again that was mostly a guess, before he seemed to think on something, as he sat quietly in his chair for a bit. After a little while he stood up once more, seemingly coming to a decision as he told me.
"Well, I'm leaving for Jotho soon, so this is probably going to be the last time we'll see each other, at least for a long while. I wish you the best of luck Kyu, and I hope you'll get everything sorted out soon" And with that he turned and walked out of the Center. I didn't turn to watch as he left, but I did give him a 'Cya' as he walked out the sliding doors.
I held back my sigh as just continued on watching the door, waiting for that light on the sigh above the door to turn off, letting me know at least everyone had recovered. But I didn't have that luck as it still shone the same illuminated color that it's been since my Team got sent back their. God I was going to throw myself into a fit at this rate as I felt the wanting for that damn annoying bright light to just turn off, even when it didn't.
Really, a vacation was something it seems that I really do need right about now. Sighing to myself just one more time, I sat back in my chair a little, still looking at the doors, as I began to wonder about what kind of beaches Unova has.
Finally done, bloody hell, all of this took forever to write, I mean a long time. This part was easily the fastest, because I have drained every single damn I could to get those battles done. It was so boring to write, I really hope that they turn out well, as I got tired of them about half way threw Lorelei's battle. Anyway, that's all I got, with this the League arc is official done. Anyway, See ya.
