Before the peace summit, Naruto just wants to enjoy surviving his first year at the Academy. But as much as he's been looking forward to coming home, there's still a lot of things about himself he still has to face, a lot of stuff out there he isn't sure he's ready to know. Starting with this Orochimaru guy.
...
IV. I'm a Scary Gargoyle on a Tower
After spending almost a year in the dorms, it still feels a little weird being back home at the Capital, being back in his own room. It's a lot quieter here, too. None of the rush of activity Naruto's gotten used to, a seemingly near constant stream of movement from other cadets going up and down the halls, especially right before curfew, before the inevitable call of lights out, the backdrop of hurried steps against a flurry of voices overlapped through random bursts of conversations.
It's not much different from when he last saw it. Maybe it feels a little smaller than he remembers, but his parents left his room untouched for the most part, save for the few things he sent ahead, neatly stacked in the corner, right below the hanging display case for his model ships that his dad helped him put together.
As weird as it is, it's nice, too, reassuring even, knowing that at least some things don't have to change, unlike everything else around him.
At least he could say he survived his first year at the Academy. And not just by doing what was required to pass, either. Grades still aren't finalised yet, but his performance was impressive enough that he received more than a few recommendations from his instructors, officially recognising all the hard work he's put in, recognising early his potential of being a fighter pilot, just like his dad.
With all the things that are changing, around him changes happening too fast, it feels really good to be acknowledged, steadies him a little, to have something concrete to show for his efforts, especially since Sasuke legally isn't allowed take the entrance exam, can't even follow him in their shared dream of being at the Academy, of one day chasing the stars.
And yet despite that, all these things Sasuke could no longer look forward to, he's been supportive of Naruto throughout, unconditionally, those times when Naruto wasn't comfortable confiding in his parents, or even the other cadets he'd eventually see as more than friends, but still just wanted to talk, or needed someone to listen to, and he'd ask to hear about Sasuke's day, how Sasuke was doing with his magic.
Even for his own sake, Sasuke never expected Naruto to give up on what he loves doing, in not so many words actually said he'd hit him, if Naruto ever thought about pandering to him for that kind needlessly sentimental gesture, and having Sasuke on his side, Naruto can't say that hasn't inspired him to push himself even harder, to prove that everything that's happened in the past year truly has been worth it.
Last night, when he came back home, the first thing he wanted to do, what he'd been thinking about as he got closer and closer toward the long break, was to temporarily retrain his body how to sleep in past six again; morning PT was brutal, had just about killed him in the beginning, because the daily training regimen is that harsh, intentionally meant to weed out the people who wouldn't be able to cut it in that kind of stressful environment.
Of course, his desire to sleep the day away wasn't happening, didn't happen, no matter how many times he closed his eyes, because as soon as he opened them, he found he couldn't go back to sleep.
Even a quick nap would've helped, rack out until at least maybe eight or so, but all he could think of, was being able to see Sasuke again, kept himself awake, restless, wondering if Sasuke would be excited about seeing him again, too.
It wasn't like they fell out of touch while Naruto was away; despite not being able to talk as much, and although Naruto would mostly stay behind on campus during the handful of short, permitted leaves, even stop by Itachi and Sasuke's place, since he'd still be on base, for the exodus during the holidays, he'd come back to the Capital for those one or two extended weeks, and he'd made sure to make time for Sasuke.
This time around it's different. For cadets continuing on, they're given a much longer leave, because the Academy is essentially still high school, just with a much more rigorous physical and military-centred curriculum, so this time he gets to be around Sasuke, without having to worry about the shorter break period.
It was too late for him to see Sasuke yesterday, but he already knew Sasuke was going to be coming over today, after his appointment with Iyashi, because his mom and dad had invited Sasuke and his parents over for lunch, so now it's just a matter of waiting.
He's already gone out for a run, had enough time to shower and eat breakfast with his parents, finishing up by ten. Lunch still won't be until around noon, so he tries to pass the rest of the time lounging in the sitting area downstairs, close to the door, not really paying attention to movie he flipped to, something or another about the fallout of a hostile takeover, with plenty of action scenes and explosions he catches when he occasionally glances up.
Instead, he stays busy on his phone. In between periodically checking for the grades he knows his instructors still haven't sent through, he opens up an existing group chat, goes back and forth messaging Kiba, Shikamaru, and a few other trainees he's gotten to know pretty well—they don't really talk about anything special, just reminisce about this and that, how it feels trying to settle back into what life was like before the Academy, and it calms his nerves to know he's not the only one thrown off by all the sudden free time, still trying to figure out what to do with himself.
He jumps when the doorbell rings, already on his feet, quickly stuffing his phone into his pocket, before rushing to the answer the door.
"I got it!" he yells, all but running down the main hall, steps hurried with anticipation, sock-clad feet sliding across the smooth floor; while their house isn't a mansion, it's not exactly small, either, so it still takes a bit of a walk to reach the entryway.
When he gets there, he unlocks the electronic deadbolt, ignoring the external video feed showing who's on the other side, as he releases the small, hidden physical latch from the side panel, completely bypassing the security system, and letting door slide wide open.
Vaguely, he registers the sight of Mikoto and Fugaku, thinks he might've given them some kind of casual greeting, but all he sees in the person standing in front of them. All he sees is Sasuke.
Aside from the occasional video call, it's been a few weeks since he's last seen him, and already it feels like so much about Sasuke has changed.
His hair seems longer, not sticking up as much anymore, with the front falling a lot closer to his face. He's gotten a little taller, too, although still not as tall as him, his eyes only coming up to reach a little higher than Naruto's nose—something Naruto definitely isn't above lording over him, since the fact that he's older, that's never really meant anything to Sasuke.
The jacket Naruto doesn't recognise, so that's new, a dark bluish grey, styled with a high collar that covers the entirety of Sasuke's neck. But the dark gloves aren't unexpected, the same kind Sasuke's been wearing since seemingly forever. The material doesn't feel all that different when Naruto takes Sasuke's hand, takes a step closer as he links their fingers, and gives a soft squeeze.
"...hi."
Although Sasuke's a little stiff, he still manages a small, tired smile, even leaning into him a little, holding Naruto's hand, taking a moment or two to breathe. "...hi."
"Are you—"
Their reunion's interrupted when Naruto's cut off by the loud call of his name, having almost forgotten Sasuke didn't come over alone, that Mikoto and Fugaku came with him, too, until he winces at the sound of mom's voice behind him (is that what he really sounds like?), with a teasing smile, asking why he's just standing there in the middle of the doorway, preventing anyone from coming in.
Naruto blushes a bit, embarrassed he'd been so caught up in the moment, being able to see Sasuke again, but Mikoto and Fugaku are nice enough to brush it off, tell him he's okay, as his mom ushers them all inside.
He releases Sasuke's hand, though, fingers slow to let go, as he moves out the way, watching his mom lean down to cup Sasuke's cheek; she gives her own soft murmur of hey, Sasuke (much softer than the call of Naruto's name), paired with a warm smile that seems to help ease some of the tension he's carrying.
From the corner of his eye, Naruto catches a glimpse of his dad, feels a firm squeeze to his shoulder, as his dad moves to join his mom in welcoming Sasuke, Mikoto, and Fugaku inside.
Their parents engage in the usual small talk, mostly about the kind of political stuff he isn't particularly interested in, what's more or less background noise. He's more interested in catching up with Sasuke, teetering between excitement and honest to goodness nerves, hand fidgeting with the hem of his t-shirt, nearly bouncing on his heels like a kid, waiting for Sasuke to take off his shoes.
"...are you tired?" he decides to say, what he started to ask earlier.
It wouldn't be the first time Sasuke's gotten like this. Ever since what happened at Yuna, Iyashi's been a lot more intense, pushing Sasuke further, trying to help him strengthen his shields and build on his emotional stamina.
It's not to the point of making him more susceptible to his magic or his empathy, but those kinds of sessions can leave Sasuke pretty drained. Iyashi doesn't schedule them that often, though, making sure Sasuke has enough time to rest in between, so it's never actually been a problem.
The only thing to watch out for, is whether Sasuke shows any signs of going into emotional withdrawal. Otherwise, Iyashi says the fatigue is to be expected, and will eventually pass as long as Sasuke continues to improve on his stamina.
Still, if he really is this tired, he didn't have to come over so soon, no matter how much Naruto was looking forward to seeing him again.
"It's okay," Sasuke says, looking down as he slides his feet into the light blue slippers he always uses whenever he comes over, the same pair Naruto's mom bought for him two years ago, and it's kind of funny to see he still fits them after so long. "I wanted to see you, too."
Knowing better to press, or at least not right now, Naruto leaves it at that.
By the time everyone's shuffled into the main hall, his dad's already making the announcement that lunch is almost ready, anyway.
Besides, he's actually kind of hungry, if the low growl from his stomach is anything to go by, prompting from him another small blush, as Sasuke just gives him this highly unnecessary look, eyebrow raised, the corner of his mouth on the verge of something suspiciously close to a smile.
"Yeah, so, I want to eat." Naruto tilts up his chin, sniffs, fingers careful when they wrap around Sasuke's wrist, before he tries to catch up to their parents, leading Sasuke down the hall. "Sue me."
It's not much longer before the food actually is ready, and they eventually end up in the smaller dining area, still bigger than his shared room at the dorms, but the one where Naruto normally eats with his parents, sitting at the large, round glass table that comfortably sits eight; the larger dining area's for much fancier affairs, almost uncomfortably formal, the one his parents use to entertain the really important guests, like foreign dignitaries from other Alliance sectors, or people who just have a lot of influence in general, sometimes people trying to make close ties with government officials.
As the staff presents the food in front of them, Gulden makes a short introduction of the meal, nothing heavy, since it's summer, but still running on the theme of Naruto's favourites. Unfortunately, he can't stay, but he tells them to enjoy, says he'll be back in time to finishing preparing dinner and dessert.
Giving his thanks, Naruto unclasps his hands, eager to tuck into his braised pork belly.
The slop served at the Chow Hall, some days it really does taste more questionable than others, as used to it as he is, so he can't help it if he's salivating over the opportunity to eat real food—Sasuke gets to have whatever he wants at his and Itachi's place, which means he doesn't get talk whenever Naruto complains about the meals served at the Academy.
Kiba liked to tease him for being spoiled enough to actually grow up having a personal chef, but Gulden's more like a family friend, someone his mom and dad met during their days at the Academy, even shared a few duty tours together after officially enlisting.
It's not surprising he has a military background. Despite his passion for cooking, the guy's solid muscle, built like a tank, tall and broad, with the gruff sort of voice to match the ruggedness of his dark facial features. For those who don't know him, he can be a little intimidating at first sight, but, honestly, he's one of the nicest people Naruto knows, even a little shy at times, whenever someone compliments his food, despite all the praise he's received recognising his skills in the culinary field.
He remembers when he was real little, watching Gulden in the kitchen. The guy had a patience of a saint, would pick him and sit him on the counter, while Naruto watched, took the time to explain what he was doing, even though Naruto didn't retain much of anything, but Gulden would still let him share in the experience, even dubbed Naruto his very important little taste tester, letting Naruto sample a few things before meals.
Back when Sasuke was still stuck in the hospital, and Naruto used to visit him straight after school, Gulden would take extra care preparing Naruto's lunch box, packing extra foods Naruto could share with Sasuke, like the miniature green tea baumkuchen cakes he'd painstakingly make using that small crepe pan, one of the few desserts Sasuke actually liked, because it wasn't overly sweet, and had a really mild flavour.
Gulden doesn't come over as often anymore, not with Naruto staying at the dorms now. He likes to travel a lot these days, on what he calls a culinary quest, says he wants to explore wherever the winds take him, although he did come back to help celebrate Naruto finishing his first year at the Academy.
He was just as excited as everyone else around Naruto, just as proud, declaring he was going to make all of Naruto's favourite foods—never mind that he wouldn't even let Naruto come near the kitchen this morning, playfully scolding him for trying to ruin his own surprise.
Being treated, it's as good an excuse as any for Naruto to enjoy himself, and he does, closing his eyes at the first bite that melts in his mouth. It's the same as he remembers it, or maybe even better, although he didn't realise how much he'd been missing Gulden's cooking.
During the light-hearted conversation around him, in between answering the occasional question about his life at the Academy, he's practically inhaling his food, with his mom only getting on him twice for not slowing down to chew.
Normally, Sasuke would've made a comment about it, too, or would've at least given Naruto one of those funny looks, against Naruto's shameless grin, the really cute way Sasuke would've scrunched up his nose, except when Naruto looks over to his left, he only sees Sasuke looking down at his plate, slowly picking at his food.
Naruto frowns, already lowering his fork, on the tip of his tongue, the urge to ask Sasuke what's wrong, but then a prolonged vibration cuts through the other voices at the table.
It's coming from his dad, he realises, which is weird, since his dad usually just keeps the volume on his phone low, because each ringtone and notification sound is set for a distinct purpose; the same security features are embedded either way, so it's how he separates his personal communications from work, instead of carrying around a separate phone, going as far as having his ringtones and message alerts correspond to different levels of urgency—then again, Naruto already has all of them memorised.
Although his old man definitely has his share of uncool moments, rarely does his dad do things without some kind of purpose, so it must be pretty important, the real high-profile sort of work-related, because he doesn't even hesitate to pull out his phone, as a hush immediately falls over the entire table.
Whatever the message is, there's nothing on his dad's face that gives him away.
The reaction from the other adults, though, that's all Naruto needs to see.
It's one of the rare moments when he's seen his mom look this serious, her head turned towards his dad, silently watching him. "...Minato."
Mikoto and Fugaku are just as quiet, pensive, waiting for his dad to say something first.
His dad looks up from his phone, pressing the power button on the side, before putting it away. He looks to him first, though, and Naruto already knows what's coming, when dad offers a strained smile.
"Sorry, Naruto. Looks like we'll have to cut lunch short today."
"No, it's..." Even though Naruto knows it's not his dad's fault, there's still a familiar sense of disappointment, but that's nothing new. He's used to it by now.
"I get it," he says, shaking his head, because he's old enough to recognise the considerable demands of his dad's position, and he appreciates the fact that his dad still tries to make time for him.
Visibly relieved, his dad continues to smile through a sigh, a breath that comes heavy with the fall of his shoulders.
Sasuke's the only one who doesn't seem affected by the sudden change in mood. He still doesn't look up, even when their parents begin to stand, as his mom pushes away his hair, placing her hand over his forehead; he only gives a small nod, a soft hum in response to whatever she whispers near his ear.
Naruto reaches for his drink, returns his mom's apologetic smile, before bringing the rim of the glass to his mouth. He takes a small sip, decides to hold on to the glass a little longer, putting it back on the table nearly empty.
Their parents begin to leave, food left forgotten, and he watches them disappear into the main hall, probably heading for his mom's office.
With their parents being who they are, among the highest ranked officials throughout the entire Alliance, it's really not that uncommon for them to be suddenly called to deal with something or another, leaving him and Sasuke on their own, or telling them to go upstairs, which is why the time they do spend together always means that much more.
Whatever that message to his dad was, the way their parents had gone quiet, clearly, it was something they'd been waiting for, something they couldn't discuss around him or Sasuke. The way it seems everyone's been on edge since the Federation's original proposal for a peace summit, he figures it has to do with that, mostly because it's supposed to be happening next week.
For now, though, he takes his time working on the rest of his mixed rice, trying not to be too obvious with the occasional worried glance he sends Sasuke, because Sasuke still hasn't looked up from the food he's barely touched—not that he had much there to begin with.
The silence is a little awkward silence between them, broken into by the intermittent clank of his fork against the ceramic plate, although it feels more so on his part than Sasuke's, since Sasuke doesn't seem all that bothered by their parents having to go so suddenly, especially considering how obvious they were about it. As much as Sasuke likes to question things, that should've been more than enough to get his attention.
Yet for him to still be so subdued, even after the more intensive sessions with Iyashi, he usually isn't this distracted.
Naruto doesn't want to think it's that bad, not if Sasuke was allowed to come over. On the other hand, being around him actually does help Sasuke with that kind of emotional recovery, and since Itachi's gone off world again, it makes sense that Mikoto and Fugaku wouldn't make Sasuke stay home; for anything else, whether Sasuke wanted to go or not, if his parents didn't feel it was safe for him, they wouldn't have agreed to it, point blank.
That's just one of those things. With Sasuke's history, the fact that his default level of sensitivity is abnormally high, sometimes there really is no telling how to read the situation, and it's just better to be cautious.
But whatever is bothering Sasuke, confronting him directly isn't going to be the best approach.
Naruto puts down his fork, finishing what's left of his rice, savouring the last few pieces of seasoned carrots and mushrooms and burdock root, while beneath the table he bumps his knee against Sasuke's leg.
Finally, Sasuke raises his head, raising a small forkful of sautéed mixed greens to his mouth. "Hm?"
"After all this time," Naruto says, "you'd think you'd be happy to see me back in one piece, you know."
Slowly lowering his fork, Sasuke just chews his food, slowly, so very slowly.
Naruto snorts. "Is that all you're going to eat?"
Sasuke swallows, placing a hand over his mouth to cover a yawn. "I already ate earlier," he says, dropping his arm. "Not really hungry."
"Do you want to just..."
"...yeah."
Normally, they'd clear their own dishes, out of habit more than anything else, but since Naruto's not allowed near the kitchen until further notice, the staff already said they'd handle the cleanup.
On their way upstairs, the silence starts to feel less awkward between them, feels more like the comfortable quiet he's used to—or maybe it really is just him, because it's one thing to talk to Sasuke over the phone, or try to check on him during video calls, left to wonder whether Sasuke really was doing okay without him, having to make that transition, when they'd already gotten so used to seeing each other on a near daily basis.
It's something else entirely to have Sasuke next to him, to be able to actually see how Sasuke's doing, and maybe even that's just to convince himself that going off to the Academy doesn't necessarily mean he's leaving Sasuke alone.
He kicks off his slippers, leaves them placed wherever, half-hazard on the floor. Face first he plops down on the bed, bouncing a little against the soft material of sheets pulled taut at the corners. He groans against the pillow, inwardly moans about the fact that one of the first things he did after waking up this morning, was make his own bed.
He's not really tired, though. He just doesn't feel like moving. Probably ate too much. And this is just his body's way of readjusting to having actual, real food again.
He turns over on to his back, anyway. It's still early in the afternoon, but the implied suggestion to come upstairs, he could already tell Sasuke wasn't going to say anything. Better for Sasuke to fall asleep on the bed, than try to keep himself up for his sake.
He blinks at the ceiling, then starts to sit up, propped on his elbows, brow furrowed at the sight of Sasuke still standing by the open door. "You packed for next week yet?"
"Mm-hm."
Figures Sasuke's already packed. Of course he'd be.
Naruto still hasn't finished packing, but they aren't leaving until next Friday, so it's okay that he isn't exactly in a hurry to go this peace summit. At least he won't have be there feeling stuffy in a tailored suit, although his mom's already threatened to get him fitted for some new dress clothes soon, because of his recent growth spurt.
("We buy you all these nice things for a reason, little Uzumaki," she said, and he made a face at the name, what she still liked to call him every now and then, even though he wasn't so little anymore. "You're wearing them.")
Carefully, Sasuke slips out of his shoes, leaving them neatly stacked by the doorway. He takes a few steps forward, then stops, lips pursed, eyes slightly narrowed, when he takes another step that becomes two, again stops to just to let out a short huff, determined, pushing strands of hair behind his ear, before he seems to finally make up his mind, making his way to approach the side of the bed where Naruto is.
That biological tic Sasuke has, this seeming inability to be straightforward about certain things, Naruto wants to tease him for it. Really, he does, but there's nothing funny about Sasuke removing his gloves, because he could've sworn they already had a conversation about this, after the last time Sasuke took them off.
"Sasuke, you're not supposed to—"
"As long as you're here, I'll be okay. So, can I just..."
Really, Sasuke doesn't even have to ask.
But he's been a little touchy about it lately, seeking him out for this sort of thing, maybe even self-conscious, despite how often he used to do it before, especially after the really long sessions with Iyashi, falling asleep at Naruto's side—it's still a little surprising, to be honest, whenever Sasuke does come to him like this, even knowing the kind of effect he continues to have on Sasuke, but Naruto doesn't hesitate, falls into the familiar motions, simply does what he's always done.
"Yeah," he says, swallows. "You can always—here, just let me..." The words trail off as he repositions himself on the bed, making more room for Sasuke to lie down, and reaching for the light blanket folded at the foot of the bed.
The bed dips beneath Sasuke's weight, as Sasuke takes up the space between them, settles across from him. He curls up on his side, cheek resting over the crook of his right arm.
Naruto doesn't ask if Sasuke's cold, just drapes the blanket over him, letting it fall below Sasuke's shoulders.
From beneath the blanket, Sasuke raises his arm between them, reaching out with his left hand for Naruto's right, at first the barest brush, when their palms meet, Sasuke's grip light, without his gloves, with the contact of bare skin, and yet somehow that's enough to calm Sasuke, almost instantaneous, this very simple touch enough to relax him, somehow, takes so very little time to take away from whatever was bothering him.
Naruto watches Sasuke's eyes gradually fall closed, watches Sasuke just breathe.
It's kind of scary, really, if he lets himself think too much about it, the extent of how much Sasuke actually trusts him, how easily Sasuke can just completely let go around him.
He didn't really get it as a kid, what it meant all those times Sasuke kept referring to him as safe, but he has a better understanding now, even though Sasuke doesn't exactly say it outright anymore, because the way Sasuke looks at him is still the same.
But the way he looks at Sasuke...
That's already changed.
And it's still changing.
Things are just...different now.
And although he can acknowledge those changes, sometimes he still has to catch himself, still has to remind himself, the way Sasuke still sees him, the way Sasuke still needs him, because he doesn't want to take advantage of that. Whatever feelings he has for Sasuke, he doesn't want that to affect what's become normal for them, how Sasuke's come to depend on him—he can't afford to be selfish.
But he doesn't pull away when Sasuke opens his eyes and shifts closer, doesn't say anything against Sasuke's knee carelessly brushed near the top of his leg.
"You get to see Itachi before he left?"
"I did. This morning. We had breakfast before my appointment."
"He say anything about the peace summit?"
"The same thing he always says—what everyone always says." Sasuke gives him a meaningful look, but his eyes are soft, slightly amused. "To stay with you."
Naruto bites at the bottom corner of his lip, absently realises the skin there's a little chapped.
The part about Sasuke having to listen to him, he bets it was somewhere in that conversation with Itachi, too, although Sasuke's a very particular brand of stubborn, with a nerve-racking habit of loosely interpreting the things he's been told.
(When Sasuke first picked up on his ability to learn use elemental magic, it almost like he learned out of sheer determination to be like him and Itachi. Shadow and wind, those were the first elements he taught himself, at the same time even, and for nearly a year he'd spend hours studying on his own, trying to emulate techniques he'd seen Itachi and Naruto do.
He eventually came up with his own technique, based on the one Naruto was being taught by his dad, teaching Naruto to manipulate air rotating in the form of a sphere, as a means to focus, to help him contain sporadic bursts of both his and Kyuubi's magic, too much he had a regular habit of unleashing all at once.
In the beginning, though, Sasuke told only told Naruto about his elemental magic, didn't even tell Itachi, one day just took Naruto to their hiding spot, revealed this tiny little ball of banded shadows and revolving winds, made him promise to keep it a secret until he was really to tell everyone else.
And that was the deal Naruto agreed to, as long as Sasuke agreed not to practice without him anymore, because the moment Naruto thought Sasuke was in over his head, no question, he was going to tell someone—when Naruto asked about other elements, Sasuke said shadow and wind were the only ones he was able to use, conveniently leaving out the fact he was already working toward yet, so it didn't seem so bad then.
At least until the inevitable yet kicked in, when one day an excited Sasuke showed Naruto his affinity for fire magic and all but burned off his hand, clearly proving his lack of understanding about the concept of having limitations, forcing a panicking Naruto to find Sakura, and immediately throwing any hope he had of being able to practice any kind magic without direct supervision right out the window.
To be a little fair, that was also when Sasuke used to tire out a lot faster, when his stamina was much lower, but even then, he could pick up on other people's techniques like that, just after seeing them once or twice, was able to adapt various techniques for his own, and that was probably why he was able to progress so quickly with his elemental magic, especially considering he didn't have any training.)
With Sasuke's track record, though, the growing need to push himself way beyond his limits, for seemingly no apparent reason other than to make the people around him worry, when someone tells him to stay near Naruto, that's essentially telling him to stay out of trouble.
Just the same, as many times as Sasuke's probably been told to stay with him, just as often, Naruto's been asked to stay with Sasuke, not so directly asked to watch over him, to help keep Sasuke safe.
Having Sasuke's family, having even his own parents, inadvertently rely on him to be responsible for another person, specifically someone like Sasuke, it really is a lot. It takes much more than he ever would've imagined when he made that promise back then, and yet he can't deny it's a responsibility he took up on his own. A role it felt natural to fall into, he doesn't even twice about it anymore, because looking after Sasuke, that's just what he does.
Except it's a lot more complicated now.
"...the whole peace summit thing, it's not going to be like all those times before. This is different, you know."
"...Itachi said that, too."
Closing his eyes, Sasuke lets go of Naruto's hand. From above, beneath the blanket, it looks like he's pulling on the cuff of his jacket sleeve.
Naruto responds a little less certain then he'd normally be, but, eventually, slowly, he lifts his arm from underneath the blanket, placing it around Sasuke.
In the middle of deciding where to lay his hand, suddenly, he has this urge to pull Sasuke even closer, to just hold him in a different way, a lingering impression of something new, just beyond his grasp, this idea that he only has bring himself a little further, only has to tilt his head a little lower, to find out what it'd feel like to brush his lips against Sasuke's, if even the briefest little touch would be enough to make Sasuke seem less far away.
And maybe if he just raised his arm a little higher, if he brought his hand to Sasuke's face, pushed away the hair resting over Sasuke's cheek—almost does, but instead he pushes away the thought, lowers his hand, flexing fingers that curl into his palm, touching nothing at all.
Again, Sasuke's hand moves beneath the blanket, but the slight tension returned to his body, it's already disappeared with the release of his pent-up magic, the way it's always seem to come more naturally to him, a slowly increasing warmth that wraps around Naruto, more often than not, through the subconscious use of his empathy, the way Sasuke simply responds to him.
As they are now, all but a familiar tangle of limbs, facing each other with a familiar ease that just is, the fact that Sasuke still feels comfortable enough to have this kind of closeness between them, that Sasuke still feels that safe coming to him, for that reason alone, Naruto can't allow it to mean anything more.
"...your appointment with Iyashi, was it that bad?"
Sasuke opens his eyes, brow scrunched. He gives a small shake of his head. "No, it wasn't bad. Just...there were a lot of things he wanted me to talk about, a lot of things he wanted me to do—still wants me to do, before the peace summit."
Naruto make a soft noise in understanding. He's sat in on Sasuke's sessions with Iyashi before. He knows what Sasuke goes through, knows that Iyashi won't hesitate to push him, even now, won't allow him to get in the way of his own progress, because Sasuke still has this tendency to avoid issues that deal with his emotions.
"Are you worried?"
Sasuke just watches him, wearing his usual expression, calm, unassuming. There's nothing about his body language to suggest the question's put him on the defensive, that he's even bothered by what Naruto asked.
"I don't need to do dailies anymore, Naruto," is all he says, simply matter-of-fact.
"This isn't that." Relaxing his fingers, Naruto lets his hand fall over Sasuke's back. "Really," he adds, again biting at the corner of his lip. He wasn't trying to make Sasuke think that at all. "I just..."
He just wants to help. Everything he's done in the past, those things don't work in the same ways anymore, so he has to find new ways to give Sasuke that same kind of reassurance, except sometimes it's more hit than miss, because Sasuke isn't exactly the most receptive to his attempts.
"No, what I mean is," Sasuke says, "it's not me. It's everyone else. My parents and Itachi, they're worried about me having to go. A lot of people are, Iyashi included. But it's not like I'm going to be there alone. They know you're going to be there, too, so, I don't...
"I can understand why they're still not comfortable with me going off world, and I know it especially doesn't help in a situation like this, but whatever it is that has them so worried, whatever's going on, nobody will actually tell me anything."
"...I think," Naruto begins, cautious, fingers absently trailing across Sasuke's back, "I think, maybe there's a reason, and maybe there really are things out there that might make it worse if you knew, so if they're doing it to protect yo—"
"Protect me?" Sasuke says, a little more biting than the tone from before. "Keeping me in the dark about whatever's going on, how is that supposed to protect me, when it just makes me the one least prepared for what's already out there?"
"Yeah, well, it's not like anybody tells me everything, either," Naruto points out, fingers stilled at Sasuke's side, trying not to let his own annoyance at the situation show. "But even if you did know, would it really change things that much?"
Sasuke doesn't answer, just stays quiet.
"Is that what's been bothering you?"
"...I didn't say it was bothering me."
"Okay, then, what do you really think about it?"
"Regardless, I still have to go, so it doesn't matter what I think," Sasuke says, more indifferent than anything else, this almost resigned sort of calm that comes from repeating the same thing out of habit.
But that's how he's learned to deal with these kinds of things, the bold assumptions people tend to make about him, the often unreasonable expectations placed on him by people who don't even know him, just because he has the rarest form of magic.
Still, he can't stay locked away forever, despite his parents and Itachi's continued efforts to shelter him from the rest of the world, because that's not fair to him. That's no way for anyone to live.
But Sasuke simply accepting that he has to go, it's not like Naruto can argue against his reasoning, not when he doesn't even have a leg to stand on.
At the same time, though, despite how easily Sasuke seems able to accept the situation for what it is, it's still hard for Naruto to accept the fact that this is something he can't fix. Not just him and Sasuke having to go to the peace summit, but the changes around them in general, an increasingly growing list of things he's discovered he truly is powerless against, the kinds of things at play he simply can't fight on his own.
After making it to the Academy, being able to hit that milestone, he used to think it'd be the defining moment that would've made all the difference, because he used to think that he only had to get stronger in order to protect Sasuke. But as he grows older, despite how far he's come, the accomplishments he's made, no matter what anyone says, no matter how hard he trains, how much he learns, more and more, somehow, it just feels like he's still not doing enough.
"You say that now, that it doesn't matter what you think, but saying that doesn't mean you're okay."
Sasuke shifts a little closer towards him, closing his eyes with a soft sigh. "...at least you'll be there with me."
It's a miracle Naruto doesn't just tense up right then and there, that his body doesn't make his embarrassment glaringly obvious, although he's grateful Sasuke's starting to nod off, because there's no way to hide the way he feels his cheeks growing impossibly warm—an airy sort of warm that flutters in his chest, for a moment catches his breath, but also the same kind of warm that starts to twist in the pit of his stomach, an unpleasant sensation he forces himself to ignore, tell himself it's easier to pretend doesn't exist, because he can't help but feel disappointed in himself for still holding on to the small part of him that wants to believe one day it actually could mean something more.
"It's fine, Naruto," Sasuke murmurs, eyes still closed.
Naruto still frowns, though, eyes slightly narrowed. As often as Sasuke likes to use that word, really, it doesn't mean what Sasuke probably wants to think it means.
When it comes to anything near the subject of Sasuke's sensitivity, bringing it up can be a little tricky at times. And it's not even that Sasuke necessarily gets upset, but he definitely tries to sidestep the more direct shows of concern, before anyone can actually ask if his empathy is affecting him.
Although he's come a long way from those days of having really bad episodes, it's hard to tell sometimes, because he has gotten so much better with his shields, but there's still the matter of whether or not he's feeling overwhelmed by his emotions, or simply trying to avoid the issue altogether.
"I didn't ask if it was fine, Sasuke. I asked if you're okay."
The only response Naruto gets is a soothing warmth, on the edge of his consciousness, the gentlest little nudge, Sasuke this time intentionally reaching out with his empathy.
It's nothing that Sasuke's ever forced on him, no particular way Sasuke's tried to make him feel, just...a quiet sort of assurance that helps settle him, helps him find his own calm.
Being able to share that kind of warmth, it's pretty common between most magic users, because of how their type of empathy works; the closer magic users are to each other, the stronger that ability usually is, because it's more or less about intent, but with him and Sasuke, even taking Sasuke's specific type of empathy into account, their connection has always been well beyond the norm.
Sure, some of it probably has to do with the way Sasuke's magic appeals to Kyuubi, however that works, but even if Naruto didn't feel this deep-seated, almost compulsion to protect Sasuke, there's a lot more to their relationship than just that.
"You keep saying you always have to put me first, but what good is any of that to me—to anyone— if you don't think about yourself, too?
"And I know it's just the kind of person you are. I know I can't ask you to change that, but how easy it is for you to forget about yourself sometimes, Naruto, especially when it comes to me, I don't..."
How well Sasuke really does know him, tries to comfort him, despite his usual teasing, will readily take care of him, all the ways Sasuke tends to express himself (instead of using what normal people use, those things called words), although it really is a nice feeling, he still feels a little guilty about it sometimes, since for so long it's always been the other way around, always him Sasuke would turn to.
Or maybe he's just thinking too much into it, as much he wishes things could just go back to the way they were, when he used to be so sure of himself, when he used to be able to tell Sasuke everything would be okay, before he started to doubt his abilities, before he almost let Mizuki get the best of him, before he got caught up in all his insecurities, because he's supposed to be the one Sasuke can depend on, already promised he'd be the one who—
"Ow." He recoils from the finger and thumb that flicked the space between his brow, nearly goes crossed-eyed in his attempt to glare at Sasuke. "And just what was that for, huh?"
"You're getting worked up again," Sasuke says, eyes not quite open, when he again allows them to fall closed.
"Tch, the nerve of someone like you telling me I'm getting worked up again," Naruto mumbles.
Really, of all people, Sasuke's the one person who never seems to take these kinds of situations as seriously as he should, so of course that's easy for Sasuke to say—like Naruto doesn't already have enough to worry about, like he doesn't already worry enough for the both of them.
"You can't expect me not to get worked up about something like this."
As annoyed as Naruto is about being dragged into the middle of another political affair, though, he knows he's not overreacting—not this time, not with the way everyone around him keeps talking about this supposed peace summit.
On the surface, the idea's not all that bad. It even makes sense. Between the Alliance and the Federation, the two biggest military powers this side of the galaxy, considering all the history there, although things are relatively stable for now, nowhere near what it used to be even after the Second Great War, there's only so much left to compete for, and something's got to give.
Eventually.
Or at least that's what it seems like everyone's thinking, anyway, based on the conversations he's overheard, bits and pieces probably not meant for his ears, here and there whispers he's caught in passing, about the more pronounced strain on the relationship between the Alliance and the Federation.
From that standpoint, he gets why the Federation's proposal for a peace summit is such a serious issue. Almost anything's an improvement beyond some old, uneasy truce they've only been skirting around for the longest time.
Plus, it would mean a lot to the magic user community, too; basic rights for magic users was one of the major reasons the Alliance and Federation even started a war in the first place, and the tension left behind still hasn't gone away.
But the whole thing about the peace summit, the Federation apparently turning a new leaf, claiming they want to understand magic users, and work on improving relations with the Alliance, the problem isn't the proposal itself.
No, the problem is how obvious the Federation's been about trying to make sure Sasuke would attend.
While Naruto can admit he might not be the most mindful person out there, even he could see the proposal for the stunt it was.
Something like this, there's no reason to have kids directly involved, kids like him, and especially Sasuke. Without questions, Sasuke's always gotten a lot of attention for being a life user, something Naruto had no choice but to get used to, yet for that kind of attention to come so openly from the Federation, without them even trying to cover their blatant interest, it did a lot more than just raise some red flags.
During his last break over the holidays, Naruto heard his share of heated discussions between Sasuke's parents and his own, and he remembers staying up a little later trying to eavesdrop as the voices grew lower, because everyone was being so secretive about the negotiations being made, and about whether or not he and Sasuke would actually have to be at the peace summit.
The politics of it all, he won't even pretend to understand that, but, growing up around his mom and dad, with his parents being such influential figures in the Alliance, he couldn't help but learn a few things, so he gets how these kinds of things play out, all the stuff not being said outright. That's just how it works.
Although from what he could piece together at the time, the thing that stood out most, was the topic of Orochimaru.
He didn't know much about Orochimaru then, never heard of him before the name started consistently popping up throughout most of the conversation he'd overheard. At first, he thought Orochimaru was just some run-of-the-mill bad news. Now that he knows more, though, yeah, Orochimaru's confirmed presence at the peace summit significantly factors into why he's getting worked up about the situation.
Surprisingly, Orochimaru used to be part of the Alliance. He was actually a pretty big deal in the medical field, did a lot of government-sponsored work, but then there was this disaster on Tollan a few months back, kept real hush-hush; allegedly, Orochimaru was conducting illegal experiments on people, and it caused an epidemic that nearly wiped out the entire colony.
Not long after word got out, with suspicion around him growing, Orochimaru defected from the Alliance, found refuge within the Federation, where he claimed sanctuary and was accepted with open arms.
In the end, nothing was proven either way, and the case has been in limbo ever since. Legally, it can't move forward as long as the Federation won't hand him over, so it's seems like it's anyone's guess what Orochimaru's been doing over there—aside from getting real cosy with the higher-ups there, since he's actually part of the committee pulling the strings behind the peace summit, with the bright idea to invite the younger, teenaged kids of important diplomats and career officials from both the Alliance and the Federation.
That's the gist of it, anyway. Based on that alone, Naruto hopes he never has to run into him, definitely doesn't want him anywhere near Sasuke—as if the guy didn't already sound sketchy as hell, like he needs to look any worse, apparently, he has an obsession with Sasuke's life magic, something to do with his research on immortality, whatever that's supposed to mean.
According to Itachi, Orochimaru's been attempting to contact Sasuke for the past couple months, coinciding with when Federation first submitted the proposal for the peace summit; he's been leaving all these creepy voice messages about wanting to meet Sasuke, wanting to personally get to know him and learn how his life magic works, wondering out loud how Sasuke's empathy would respond to him—Naruto was only allowed to listen to a snippet from one message (not that he needed to listen to any more, or that Kyuubi wasn't already agitated enough by that point), but even that small sound bite was too much, more than enough to make his skin crawl.
Somehow, Orochimaru got a hold of Sasuke's old number, even got a hold of the number for Itachi and Sasuke's place, although Itachi's been screening those calls since he and Sasuke moved in; he's even sent paper letters through standard mail, using plain envelopes marked by Sasuke's name alone, with no return address.
The worst thing, though, is that there's nothing necessarily considered illegal about what he's been doing—never mind that Sasuke's only thirteen, and Orochimaru's more than three times his age. All the things Orochimaru's said to Sasuke, about his magic or his empathy, when taken at face value, they're just words, not threats, little more than the idle musings of a curious scientist. That's how Orochimaru defends it.
The only reason Sasuke doesn't know about any of it, is because everything was intercepted before it could reach him. All those safeguards put in place to protect him, there's some seriously heavy logistics that goes on behind the scenes, and Naruto's only now just being brought into the fold.
How often Sasuke's name kept coming up in connection to the peace summit, that was what gave Naruto the final push he needed to confront his parents about it, based on the fragments of conversations he'd overheard, asked what Sasuke had to do with any of it. Inevitably, that meant Mikoto, Fugaku, and Itachi were going to be involved, too.
Involving him, though, not surprisingly, they all had their reservations about it, especially because of his age, worried he was trying to take on too much at once; like Sasuke, he had to deal with the same kinds of expectations already placed on him, this highly discriminating image of him people wanted to see, just because he carried his mom's name, just because he was his dad's son—that, on top of not being able to perform magic anywhere close to his full potential, having to hold back from what he was really capable of, because he couldn't afford to risk drawing attention to Kyuubi.
But he put up a pretty good argument, eventually convinced them that taking on the responsibility of looking after Sasuke wasn't something he was forced to do— it was a choice he already made, a choice he never once did regret—and since he was already doing his part to help protect Sasuke, anyway, it'd make a lot more sense to have someone like him in the know, someone they already knew they could trust, someone that Sasuke already did trust, with eyes and ears in places where they couldn't always reach.
Ultimately, it was decided he wouldn't be told everything, and he honestly hadn't been expecting that, but once he accepted he'd actually be allowed to know more, they warned him there'd be no looking back.
And so, with his case made, with his choice made, they had a serious talk, had the real sit-down sort of conversation about the dangers regularly posed to Sasuke, even talked about a few of the dangers posed to him, too.
And Naruto listened.
They outlined what learning about those kinds of things would actually entail, alongside the increased responsibility that came from simply having that knowledge, as they began to explain the intricacies that came with such a high profile situation, emphasised the delicate nature of the Federation's proposal, confirming what he'd already suspected, introducing more than a few things he wasn't aware of, including Orochimaru's clear interest in Sasuke.
No wonder why Mikoto and Fugaku were initially so against letting Sasuke attend the peace summit. They'd been pushing back on the idea since the start of the negotiations, after a less than subtle ultimatum, in the form of an invitation being publically extended to Sasuke.
But as much as they tried to fight it, even going against the urging from other members of their family, with the Federation threatening to withdraw the proposal if those exact terms weren't met, there was pressure coming from within the Alliance, too, pressure that came directly from the Council.
Even though Sasuke wouldn't be the only kid there, clearly, Sasuke was a special case. Anyone involved had to see that. And although Naruto's parents weren't happy about the situation, either, they were the ones who eventually ended up talking Mikoto and Fugaku down.
(Itachi was a different story altogether, though. Because he wasn't officially invited, he wasn't going to go, and he didn't say anything about what he actually thought about the situation, but just for a second, there was this one look Naruto caught, at the mention of Orochimaru's name, the first time Naruto ever saw such a cold expression on Itachi's face, for a brief moment, his first glimpse into a darker side of Itachi he didn't recognise.)
But to think the whole thing would've fallen apart if Mikoto and Fugaku hadn't agreed to let Sasuke go, seriously, how much more obvious could the Federation be?
If it was more than enough for even him to pick up on, he knew he wasn't the only one, and yet despite that, after learning that everyone else knew, too, in the end, they still agreed to go along with it.
And he didn't want to accept that.
At first, he almost refused to go, and his immediate response was to keep Sasuke as far away from Orochimaru as possible. It didn't make sense to risk putting Sasuke in a situation like that, to have him even remotely near the same place as the guy who was all but stalking him—even Kyuubi was speaking up about it.
It doesn't sit well with me. So much secrecy surrounding this human's intentions towards Sachi, do not expect me to stand idle, Naruto, while there are those around who would do Sachi harm.
Except his dad had a point, too. A really good one Naruto couldn't disagree with.
"Honestly, I'd rather have you both stay home. I'd feel a lot better about the situation if you were staying on Nagi, where we know it's...
"But the long-term consequences of refusing their invitation, the significance of what a proposal like this could mean for the Alliance, for the entire magic user community, it's so much bigger than us, Naruto. And we can't afford to ignore that."
It wasn't what he wanted to hear, but it was what he reluctantly came to accept, what he's kept to himself, because one the conditions of being told these kinds of things, is that he's not allowed to share them with Sasuke.
Some of the attention Sasuke gets, for a lot of stuff, like Orochimaru's apparent obsession with him, he probably is better off not knowing, and although Naruto still has mixed feelings about it, what Sasuke is allowed to know, it's not his decision. Surprisingly, or maybe not, when it comes to assuring Sasuke's safety, Itachi's the one who usually has the final say.
"But aren't you worried what Sasuke will think, if he finds out about it, that you've been keeping all these things from him?"
"No, because I want Sasuke to be unafraid to live his life freely, rather than have him constantly looking over his shoulder, running from every shadow that would chase him simply for being who he is. As long as I'm able to provide that for him, whatever Sasuke may think of me after the fact, it's a risk I'm willing to take."
The only silver lining, is that along with the rest of the kids their age, he and Sasuke are going to be separated from the adults, grouped with chaperones chosen to act as neutral parties, so it does make him feel a little better knowing he won't have to worry about either of them being in the same room as Orochimaru.
It's still hard to take in, though, as much as everyone tried to their best not to overwhelm him, and it's still taking time for him to process the broader extent of what's really out there, that people like Orochimaru do exist, and the sheer amount of effort that's necessary to protect Sasuke from all of it.
It's just—
He blinks at the magic playing with the side of his hair, a wisp of air that briefly tickles his cheek.
"...you do know you can't do that at the peace summit, right," he murmurs, glancing down to see Sasuke's eyes are still closed. There's a slight tug at the front of his shirt, and he stills, as Sasuke shifts, curled up pressed against him, head tucked beneath Naruto's chin.
Gradually, Naruto starts to relax, gives into the normalcy of something so simple between them, how much he truly did miss this. He breathes in deep, breathes out slowly, for now just lets himself hold Sasuke close, lets Sasuke's warmth surround him.
"...you're hopeless, Naruto."
