Chapter 9
Sansa opened her eyes the following morning not wishing to get out of bed. There was soreness in the muscles of her thighs and she had to remind herself that it was from riding horseback yesterday. But then that brought on memories of the other things that happened yesterday and she cringed. There was also a hint of wetness between her legs and when she threw back the bed coverings, she saw the evidence of her moonblood. Fortunately it would be light and only last a few days and Sansa sighed in relief. The moon tea she'd taken after the night with Tyrion had done its work. Has it really been a little over a week since that night? So much has happened since then.
She got out of the bed and began washing up and while she did so she thought on last night's dinner with Daenerys. The argument about the North, Jon, a moment where she thought Daenerys might kiss her and the guilty realization that she encouraged it. Sansa finished dressing, sat on a chair, and sighed. The way Daenerys had looked beneath her in the snow… Instead of pushing the memory away, she explored it, slowed the action down in her mind, felt the pressure of Daenerys's hands against her own. Yesterday she had kept asking herself why it had happened but that was because she didn't want to admit the truth to herself. Even last night, after she'd gotten back to her rooms from dinner she didn't want to admit it. But today it was perfectly clear that she felt an attraction towards her. Sansa felt flushed even now, just thinking about her. Her smile, the way her eyes crinkled when she did so.
How could this have happened? Had allowing herself to explore the possibilities of a physical connection with another person really awakened her lusts so much that her adversary would become an object of desire? It's Tyrion's fault I'm in this perpetual state of arousal. If we hadn't slept together I wouldn't be susceptible at all to Daenerys's supposed charms, the ones Arya warned me about. She then scoffed at herself, dismissing those arguments. It would be foolish to try to blame Tyrion. Her sexual awakening, if one could call it that, had started before that night and while Sansa couldn't deny that she'd become more aware and open to those things since being with him, she's the one who was choosing to continue placing herself in Daenerys's path, she's the one who started flirting last night, and she's the one that was having these feelings. Sansa scowled. Despite what Daenerys seemed to think of her 'northern sensibilities', Sansa was not inclined to dismiss her attraction to a woman out of hand. It was the particular woman in question that was the problem. Then again, even if Daenerys wasn't a queen out to conquer the Iron Throne, if she was just another noblewoman or even a handmaiden, Sansa couldn't act on these feelings. Her responsibilities, the continuation of House Stark which demanded trueborn heirs, the honor and respect the North held for her, those things would be endangered if she did and it became known.
Sansa had suspected Daenerys felt similarly; the touch on her back, the way Daenerys had pressed up against her in the snow, all the flirtation. That near kiss after dinner had her convinced at the time but now in the cold bright morning, she wasn't so sure. It had to be a ploy Daenerys thought of to take advantage of her in some way. In any event, Sansa needed to control herself. It was permissible to be vulnerable to continue the friendship, because it was obvious that Daenerys enjoyed toying with her and Sansa could use that, but not vulnerable enough that she submitted entirely. But it was difficult to find the middle ground between being at each other's throats and thinking of more pleasurable things to do to each other's throats.
Her throat is lovely.
Standing up, Sansa braced herself for the day. Once again, an incident between them needed to be overcome. Her only answer was to pretend it hadn't happened at all and hope that Daenerys had the sense to play along and maintain decorum.
Nothing untoward can happen while doing needlepoint, she assured herself. Especially if Daenerys brings Missandei.
*::::*
Daenerys nodded in greeting to Sansa in the Great Hall before sitting down to break her fast. She noted that Sansa had already finished and was rising to leave. She wondered if Sansa would come over to speak with her. She smiled when she saw she didn't have to wonder for long.
"Good morning, your Grace. I have much on my agenda this morning so I must leave. Are we still set for this afternoon?"
"Yes, and I look forward to it. I'm sure I'll be a disaster at whatever you have planned for me but I promise to be an attentive student."
Sansa flashed a small smile and said, "We shall see. Enjoy your morning, your Grace."
She resisted watching Sansa walk out of the hall. It would've been too obvious to onlookers. A servant brought her plate but before she could begin eating, Jon approached her. She hadn't even noticed him enter.
"Your Grace, may I speak with you after the meal?"
Daenerys casually put down her utensils. Jon looked nervous about something.
Without any hint of warmth, she said, "Of course, Lord Snow. I was thinking of a short walk around part of the perimeter of Winterfell. Shall we meet at the Hunter's Gate?"
"Aye, that will be fine," he answered curtly and walked away, not staying to eat alongside her.
She used to look forward to their times alone together and now she dreaded them. Daenerys sighed and quickly ate a few bites before rising from the table. No one else approached her and she wished Sansa was with her. At least she would see her this afternoon. She walked back to her rooms to put on a cloak and gloves. Missandei was there.
"Another outing with Lady Stark before your needlework lesson, your Grace?" Missandei asked with a hint of a smile.
Daenerys chuckled. "If only that were so. Jon wants to speak with me." She grabbed her cloak and gloves.
Missandei gave a sympathetic look and helped fix the cloak onto her queen but said nothing about Jon. She knew this would be difficult for Daenerys.
"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you for your lesson this afternoon?"
"Yes, I'm sure," Daenerys smiled in reply. "You two deserve some time and I'm afraid I've been using him far too much on my evening activities as of late."
"Yes you have," answered Missandei, looking as if she wanted to ask a question but thinking better of it. Daenerys ignored it, not wanting to hear about any warnings against her meetings with Sansa.
"I'll see you back here in a little while," said Daenerys, leaving her room.
Daenerys and Grey Worm walked quickly to the Hunter's Gate where Jon was already waiting.
"You ate quickly," he said.
"I wanted to get this over with," she answered. Daenerys said a few words to Grey Worm and he turned to walk away. She and Jon may not be getting along but she still trusted him enough to be alone with him.
They walked through the gate and she motioned that they turn right, to walk north toward the north gate where Grey Worm would be waiting. Neither of them said anything at first and her irritation at his presence eventually gave way to other feelings she'd been trying to suppress. Like the warmth she felt when their arms occasionally brushed up against each other. Or the way her heartbeat quickened when she saw his facial expression relax from a scowl to a smile.
"I was surprised when you decided to delay the attack on King's Landing. And when you sent a portion of your armies to White Harbor. May I ask what changed your mind? I spoke with Tyrion but it appears you have not been as forthcoming with him lately."
"Are you saying you want to go to war now? I thought you would be happy that your men would receive more time to recover."
He glanced at her but then looked ahead again. "In truth, I am glad of the decision. The men had reached the kind of exhaustion that leads to mistakes. They need to recover their physical strength as well as their strength of mind. Thank you for reconsidering."
Daenerys nodded in reply and they continued walking in silence. They would soon be at the north gate and he still hadn't said what was on his mind. She could tell he realized this as well because the scowl returned. Suddenly he grabbed her arm and pulled her to a stop.
"Dany, I need to tell you that I told my sisters," Jon said at last. She could see the worry on his face and she was disappointed. He obviously expected a rebuke.
"I know. I spoke to Sansa last night."
"Sansa? What do you mean?" he asked, releasing her arm.
"Well, I've had to do something with all the extra time on my hands," Daenerys said exasperatedly, implying her displeasure at the distance he'd put between them. But she was tired of arguing. Sighing, she said, "I'm sorry. I'll try that again. As I'm sure you're aware, she and I have been spending time together, getting to know one other. We spoke last night and it came out that you had told her."
"She swore to me she wouldn't tell anyone," Jon said, annoyed.
"Jon, don't be angry with her. Technically she has held true to her vow. It's not as if she shared it with someone who didn't know. And you'd already told me of your intention to tell your sisters so I knew she would know at some point. Did you expect her to pretend and avoid the topic with me altogether?"
"No, I suppose not." They continued walking.
"Do not be concerned. We were alone and spoke softly. I doubt we'll speak of it again."
"Does this mean you two are friends now?" Jon asked in disbelief.
"We are working on it," replied Daenerys diplomatically. "I hope that we'll be friends before it's time to leave Winterfell."
"She called me an idiot, did she tell you that?" he asked with a small laugh, stopping again to face her.
"Yes," Daenerys said with a smile. She removed her glove and reached her hand to his cheek. "But you're my idiot. Aren't you?"
Jon clasped his hand to hers and closed his eyes. Again she felt the hope creep within her that he would accept their love. Then Jon squeezed her hand and brought it down from his cheek.
"Come. Let's get you back inside," he whispered.
Daenerys nodded her head, not even bothering to try to push him. She felt the love between them when she touched his skin; it was a spark, ready to flare up into a passionate flame if he would only let it. But there was only so much rejection she could take and it was getting to the point where she had to decide whether or not to keep trying. I can't give him up, not yet.
They walked in silence the rest of the way to the gate and when they walked through it, she took her leave of him and headed for her rooms. Missandei was waiting for her in her bedchamber with what she hoped was a final fitting of a new dress she wanted to wear. The sadness she'd felt with Jon disappeared at her anticipation of Sansa's response to it this afternoon.
*::::*
Sansa felt more in her element as she prepared her solar for Daenerys's arrival. Servants had brought small plates of dried meats and cheeses along with wine and water. The midday meal had only just ended but she wanted to be prepared in case Daenerys or her friend required more refreshment. And she'd set out various examples of past and current projects to show them. Sansa told herself that they were only to point out different types of designs and stitching but the pride in her was anxious to hear Daenerys's opinion of her skill.
She rearranged the pillows on the cushioned chair she'd had put near the fire and heard a light knock on the door. Sansa took a calming breath and went to open it. Daenerys was standing there with a different Unsullied soldier a few paces behind but that wasn't what took her breath away. It was the dress she wore. A very northern dress. Daenerys seemed to be pleased with the reaction she got out of Sansa and walked in without a word. Sansa closed the door and continued to stare at the new dress. It had long flared sleeves and a simple pattern threaded in the fabric that allowed itself to blend in with any embroidered embellishments the wearer wanted to have added. The dress was similar in style to the one Sansa wore last night and the color was even more striking. Stark grey.
"You weren't wearing this earlier in the day," Sansa wondered aloud.
"I sent Missandei to purchase two dresses from a shop in Winter town soon after our first visit there, this one and a dark blue one, and Missandei only just finished the adjustments for it to fit me properly. Do you like it?"
"Yes," she said with a warm smile. "I know your usual wear makes it easier to ride dragons but this dress is very becoming." Sansa completely forgot her plan to maintain a friendly aloofness. It was as if Daenerys knew that after the previous night Sansa would not let her guard down again so easily.
"Thank you, Lady Sansa," Daenerys said softly. She looked around and Sansa motioned to the cushioned chair for her to sit at. A small table was set in between that chair and Sansa's own chair, not just to provide a space for needlework supplies but to provide a buffer between them. She also set a chair to the other side of Daenerys's chair, expecting Missandei, but apparently it would not be needed and so Sansa lifted it and moved it back to the larger table at the other end of the room.
After Daenerys had sat down, Sansa looked again at the dress. She felt a strange possessiveness toward Daenerys now that she was wearing Stark colors. It only needed a wolf sigil and the image of Daenerys belonging to House Stark would be complete. Without thinking, Sansa reached a hand to touch Daenerys on her left shoulder.
"An embroidered design can be added here, if you like. Down from the shoulder and just over the left side of the chest. I think a dragon or three-headed dragon using a deep red thread would work. I could do it but it would take several weeks."
"That would be wonderful, thank you. I'll have the dress brushed and brought to you tomorrow."
"It would be my pleasure, your Grace," answered Sansa, only just now realizing that her hand was still on Daenerys's shoulder. She slowly removed her hand and moved to sit in her own chair.
"I think you should wear this tonight at the dinner meal. Jon will not be able to take his eyes off you."
"I highly doubt that, Lady Sansa."
"Wear it. I assure you, he will be quite taken with it."
Sansa glanced down, trying not to imply how much she herself was taken with it. "If more formal agreements are made between you, I can also add a wolf to the other shoulder," she suggested.
"A red wolf?" asked Daenerys with a smirk. At Sansa's sharp glance, she added, "I assume you would use the same red thread as the dragon."
"White thread would be more striking, your Grace," answered Sansa, relieved that Daenerys would not be restarting last night's flirtation. "It refers to him and the color of his direwolf."
"Of course," said Daenerys politely, a strained expression now on her face. "But we are getting ahead of ourselves. Your brother has quite made up his mind about me."
"Wear it tonight anyway. Maybe adjust the braids in your hair to a more northern style. You and I will laugh at all the men who glance your way." Sansa smiled and tried to control her blush as she imagined how Daenerys would look tonight.
Daenerys laughed. "I will do so since you wish it. And you will sit with me tonight? Sitting next to Jon has been dreadful as of late and it will be nice to have dinner conversation with someone less brooding."
Sansa said that she would and then stood up to go to the table with the examples of her needlepoint projects. She took a deep breath and then brought over a blank canvas framed by a small wood circle and handed it to Daenerys who placed it on her lap. On the small table she placed a couple of spools of thread, one loose cut of thread, and a couple of needles. Then she stood behind a seated Daenerys for the initial instructions. Her heart skipped a beat as she realized she would have to bend over a bit, perhaps even touch her hands.
"I'm sure you've seen these things before but indulge me. It isn't often I get to teach a queen. We're going to do needlepoint on canvas. This is your canvas. The wood frame on it isn't always necessary for this work but it does make it easier. I chose a more coarsely weaved canvas so that you can easily see the canvas threads. Do you know how to thread a needle?"
Daenerys nodded and took a needle and the loose length of thread off the small table, easily threading the needle and tied a knot at the end of the thread farthest from the needle.
"Good. I'm not going to bother with waste knots since I just want to show you some simple stitching. If you decide to take it up, we can meet again another time for a beginner design. Have you ever mended a hole in your clothes or anyone else's?"
"I think so. It was very long ago, though. It's probably how I knew to knot the end of the thread but that's as far as my knowledge goes."
"Well, this won't be the same as mending but it's similar." Sansa grabbed her own canvas that already had a needle and thread pushed through from the bottom. She held it in front of Daenerys and said, "This is called a stem stitch. It's very basic and it can be used to outline a design or for lettering."
Sansa demonstrated how the stitching moved along the row from right to left. In a soft voice she said, "Now your turn."
She put her canvas down on the little table and placed one hand on the back of Daenerys's chair and leaned a bit more over her shoulder. Daenerys pushed the needle through the underside of the canvas until the knot caught on the back. Then she proceeded to make a stitch. Sansa nodded in approval, her body growing warm at the proximity to Daenerys. When Daenerys turned to her and smiled, her nose brushed against Sansa's cheek, and Sansa quickly stood straight, cleared her throat, and returned to her own chair.
"Now make twenty stitches total on that row. After that I'll show you how to move to the next row."
They sat silently working on their canvases, until Daenerys spoke.
"I thought women did a lot of talking during these gatherings."
Sansa smiled. "We do usually. I suppose I've gotten used to doing this by myself. It helps relax me and clear my mind."
"I know some other activities that do the same thing," Daenerys said with a mischievous smile.
This time Sansa was not shocked by Daenerys's words. Maybe it was because she'd expected it or maybe it was because she realized she enjoyed the bawdy humor.
She pursed her lips with what she hoped was a knowing smile and said, "Except with needlepoint I don't have to worry about feeling soiled afterwards."
"Well, you don't have to worry about it, Lady Sansa."
Sansa laughed and tried not to blush. "Fair point, your Grace."
"So what other subjects get discussed in these gatherings of women? I assume gossip about court and husbands."
"Any topic we want. Share confidences, humorous stories, it's just a chance for women to be together without men around to interrupt."
"Well in the interest of sharing gossip, I assume you've noticed that my friend Missandei is not here. Would you like to know why?"
Sansa nodded, looking up from her canvas and curious about what kept Missandei away.
"Did you also notice that I came with a different Unsullied guard out in the corridor?"
"Yes, I did."
"It's because Missandei has an assignation with Grey Worm right now."
"Isn't he…?"
"Yes. "
"And they still…?"
"Yes," replied Daenerys emphatically.
"How?"
"Lady Sansa, I'm sure you're familiar by now with the ways women achieve their pleasure with a partner. And if not, I shall have to scold Lord Tyrion. Or do you need me to give you more… explicit explanations?"
"No, I… know to what you refer," Sansa answered, a deep blush burning down her cheeks and neck. Was Daenerys going to suggest 'instruction'?
They sat silently for a few more moments, Daenerys working on finishing her row, a smirk on her face. Sansa stabbed at her canvas. She was angry with herself for letting Daenerys get to her again. The sharp pain in her finger made her cry out.
"Did you stick yourself with the pointy end?" Daenerys asked innocently.
Sansa glared at her but her false innocence had its intended effect and she laughed. "How is your row?"
"Done," replied Daenerys, holding her canvas up proudly. "But if you don't mind, perhaps we should set these aside? I'd like to look over those pieces on the table over there."
"Of course," answered Sansa, pleased with Daenerys's suggestion.
Standing next to each other, Daenerys picked up different unfinished pieces and Sansa described the work and what the finished product should look like. With the finished works, Daenerys flattered Sansa with praise at her skill and the delicate designs. Excited, Sansa would grab pieces that Daenerys reached for, and their hands would frequently brush against each other. Their words stayed on topic but their quickened breathing implied other things were on their minds. At one point Daenerys reached and grabbed her hand. Sansa resisted looking up and stared silently at their joined fingers. Sansa knew Daenerys was looking at her face but she didn't want to see the question in her eyes. She didn't want either of them to address what was happening because it wasn't real. If she ignored it, it would go away.
Eventually Daenerys pulled her hand away and Sansa finally looked up at her.
"These are all very beautiful, Lady Sansa. I look forward to seeing the final design on my dress," Daenerys said gently.
"Thank you, your Grace," answered Sansa, not able to resist glancing down at the dress, trying to picture the dragon she would embroider if this friendship was genuine. The thought made her sad and when she looked up, Daenerys looked away quickly. What was she looking at?
"I shall take my leave now. Thank you very much for the lesson."
"Are you sure, there's meat and cheese here if you're still hungry?" Sansa winced at her slightly desperate tone but she told herself that she was just being polite.
"That was very thoughtful of you, Lady Sansa, but I think it's better if I leave now," said Daenerys, looking down. Sansa could see she seemed uncomfortable and wondered if she'd done anything wrong. "I will see you at dinner in the Great Hall. Remember, you're to sit next to me tonight."
"I look forward to it," Sansa said with a smile.
After Daenerys left, Sansa sat down feeling relieved. That dress, she thought. But at least neither of them forgot themselves today, that hand holding moment notwithstanding. Sansa smiled again. She most definitely looked forward to seeing everyone's faces tonight.
A/N: I'd forgotten to do so in the last few chapters but I wanted to say thanks for the reviews. I'm glad you're all getting as sucked into this as I am. Also, I should have the next chapter up soon, probably Mon at the earliest.
