Dil groaned, rubbing his face with his left hand, staring at the ceiling in frustration. It seemed to be a Pickles Curse that he, along with his father and grandfather, could suddenly realize they'd forgotten something... only to have no idea what it was. He'd seen his grandfather ramble off, his eyes staring at everything and nothing as it occurred to him that he'd forgotten something but he couldn't remember what it was. At first Dil had just assumed that it was Grandpa Lou getting old but then Angelica had pointed out that his father did the same thing. Dil had remembered cringing as he watched his father walk into a room, asking if he'd left the TV on or the iron going... and not realizing he wasn't wearing any pants. Angelica had cackled that it was Pickles Brain and that Tommy and Dil were cursed to have it too. Tommy had stood up to Angelica (as they got older the brothers had begun to push back against their cousin, causing her to try and pull less stunts and more of just acting like they were dweebs) and informed her that the two of them weren't going to get Pickle Brains.
Tommy had been half right. He had never had a problem with remembering things. Dil on the other hand...
It wasn't like it were major things. He'd never locked Brian in a car or forgotten plane tickets or left his wallet in China and realized it while in Germany. No, it was always little things, things that were more of annoyances than major disasters. Realizing that he'd forgotten to ask for no mustard on his burger, or leaving his ID badge for Nigel's studio in the editing bay and having to run all the way back before he could leave. Nothing that cost him money or got him arrested, thank god. Heck, when he did figure out what he'd forgotten he was always relieved. It wasn't the forgetting that bugged him as much as the gnawing sense that he had forgotten. He always worried more and more that he'd forgotten something major, like Brian at the park or Steph's birthday present when it was something simply like leaving his-
Dil's eyes snapped open and he let out a sigh of relief. He'd left his phone charging in the car him and Steph had rented. THAT was what he'd forgotten. It was tucked away, where no one could see it, so he didn't have to worry about thieves... and because he'd tucked it away so good that's why he'd forgotten to grab it. He hadn't looked at it since they'd left the Chinese place and the rest of the night had been spent with family watching a marathon of old Sabrina The Teenage Witch episodes (Dil loved Salem and Brian and Louie were entranced by the magic effects).
He fell back in bed, relieved. It was just his phone, no big deal. Sure, he liked to get up early to check his mail... and if Tommy needed something he'd text him... and it had all his notes about the hotel... and if Brian couldn't sleep sometimes he'd listen to music while he rocked him...
Dil grit his teeth. "Son of a..." Getting out of bed as quietly as he could, so not to wake up Steph, he padded over to the dresser where the TV sat and grabbed the door card and made his way out into the hall. He was half way to the elevator when he realized he'd left his car keys in the room. Cursing he spun around and hurried back, unlocking the door and tiptoing in, grabbing his keys and once more slipping out of the room.
This time he was down the first flight of stairs before it hit him that he had no idea where they'd parked. The lot was huge, as it shared parking with a carpool parking lot. Steph had been worried too but Dil had quite cleverly written down the lot number. Dil poked at the side of his cheek, trying to remember where he'd put the note... and realized it was in his wallet, which was sitting by the TV back in the room.
One climb up the stairs later and Dil was back in the room, setting his car keys down and snagging his wallet. Looking through it he found the slip of paper and sighed in relief, heading out of the room to retrieve his phone.
"Get downstairs, get to Section C, get to my car, get the phone, lock the car up... with the keys I left back in the room... mother f-" Dil snapped his head violently and flew back to his room, setting the door key and the paper on the dresser and grabbing his keys once again. He looked over to make sure that Brian and Steph were fast asleep before, a bit more calmly, tiptoing out of the room, snagging his wallet at the last moment just in case he needed anything else out of it.
The door clicked shut just as Dil realized he'd left the room key inside. He silently groaned, pressing his head against the door in frustration. He couldn't just knock, as that would wake Brian up and he didn't want to ruin his kid's sleep just because he was a forgetful idiot. That meant he'd have to head downstairs and ask the person at reception for a spare key. Luckily he had his wallet, which he decided to slip into his pock-
And that's when Dil realized he wasn't wearing pants.
"...frick frick frick frick frick!" Dil hissed.
"Aaa...haa-aaaa-haaahaa-"
Dil shook his head... his mind was now making it sound like Angelica was laughing at him.
~MC~MC~MC~
"Sssssshh," Chuck whispered, his and Angelica's lovemaking having moved from the bed to against the door of their hotel room.
"Aaaa... aaaa..." Angelica moaned, wrapping her arms around her husband's neck and silencing them both with a kiss.
~MC~MC~MC~
Louie blinked, yawning slightly. He'd drifted off to sleep safe in his mother's arms only to wake up after what felt like hours (or minutes... or weeks... honestly, Louie didn't get time yet and relied upon Brian to figure out when snack time was) with the sensation that something was... different. He wasn't in his mommy's arms, that was for sure, but he wasn't in his crib either. It felt like he was lying on some towels and when he reached down he found that this was the case. Smacking his lips, he looked to his right, confused to find that the world seemed to be swaying back and forth. First it would all go to the left and then he felt something touch his toes and when he kicked back suddenly the world was going in the opposite direction. He heard Reptar roaring some where close by, followed by a 'clunk cluck clunk'... and then his mommy sounding almost as upset as when daddy had taken him riding on that long necked pony! He twisted his head, finally spotting his mother... and realized exactly where he was lying.
"Mommy? Why am I on the air blockey table?" He reached out, hitting the edge and causing him to slowly spin. "P'ease don't take me off, though... this fun! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
Kimi didn't hear him as at that moment Reptar roared again and another prize popped out of the machine. She pulled out the bag and glared at yet ANOTHER Tricerus. She slammed her hands against the game, glaring at the Reptar Sr. that was still inside, mocking her, jabbing her finger at the diaper bag that was nearly bursting at the seams with beanies. "That is your home! Are you too good for you home!? ANSWER ME!"
"Try out the air blockey table!" Louie suggested with a giggle.
Kimi, hearing the laugh, looked over at the air hockey table she'd dragged over and smiled in embarrassment. "Sorry sweetie... mommy needed to focus and this was the best thing to set you on." She stilled his movements, Louie looking at her almost owlishly, and she stroked his cheek before returning to the game. "We'll go back upstairs in a moment... I've got it this time." She slammed the button, grinning as she once more hit the jackpot, and quickly got the prize out. "I feel a cane... yup, I finally got... GRANNY REPTAR?!" She stared at the bean-filled down that looked like a cross between Reptar and Lulu Pickles. Kimi trembled before snapping, "Tawagoto gēmu no kuso sakuhin! Watashi wa surīpu jōtai ni modotte watashi no akachan o oku koto ga dekiru node, chōdo watashi ni watashi kuso ningyō o ataemasu!" She leaned back after the outburst, looking at Louie. "I didn't curse in English, that doesn't count."
"Mama itazurana kotoba o iimashita!" Louie chirped back.
~MC~MC~MC~
Langdon and Phil looked at each other when the doors to the elevator dinged but didn't open. For a brief moment they feared they were trapped only to realize that this particular elevator was double doored and what they had thought was the back wall was really the doors that opened to their floor.
"That's not going to be confusing," Langdon muttered. He looked around, realizing that they were on the opposite end of their floor. "Great, a nice long shamble back to our rooms."
"Meh, better than the stairs," Phil said, wiggling the ice bucket he was carrying around. "I'm going to fill this up for the fridge... Gina likes iced coffee but likes to make it herself. Has to be done just right. Figure better to do it now rather than when everyone is up and about. I'll see ya tomorrow."
"What time are we hitting the continental breakfast?" Langdon asked, checking to make sure he still had his room key.
"It closes at 11 so I'm thinking 10 latest. That will give us an hour to eat then we can all plan out our schedules for the next few days. Plus we can then have a late lunch. Try and get some sleep man."
Langdon checking his watch; it was past midnight. "Will do." Phil waved goodbye and headed off for the ice machine, leaving Langdon alone to traverse the empty halls. "Great... feel like I'm Danny in the Overview Hotel... and now I am thinking of The Shining. Real smart, Roth, real smart." Smacking his forehead in annoyance Langdon continued down the long hall and turned the first corner and then hurrying around the second. Luckily for him there were no creepy twins asking him to play forever and ever.
Instead there was his gay stalker standing in his underwear in front of his hotel room door!
"Oh, hey!" Dil said with a grin. "Great timing! Listen, can I- where are you going?" Dil watched as Langdon practically ran away. "Dude, I can't exactly chase you like this!" Dil hissed, not wanting to shout and wake everyone up.
When it was clear Langdon wasn't coming back Dil slumped against the wall and sighed. "Great. What now Pickles?" He battled with sucking up his pride and walking down to the lobby, as he at the very least had his wallet and could prove who he was, but his overactive imagination (something him and all his friends suffered from) suddenly kicked in...
"Excuse me sir," Dil said with a smile, leaning against the counter and trying to act nonchalant. "I have been locked out of my room in my underpants-"
"Dylan Pickles, what are you wearing?!" the desk clerk screamed, turning around.
"M-mom?" Dil stammered.
"What have I told you about dressing properly in public! And are those clean underwear? I warned you to always wear clean underwear in case you got locked out of your hotel room!" Didi reached over and grabbed Dil's hand. "You are coming with me right now and we are getting you changed!"
"But... but mom!" Dil whimpered as his mother dragged him towards the door.
"But nothing!"
"I'm not a baby!" Dil complained only to look down and realize he was back to being a baby again. "Uh oh."
And that's when the aliens landed.
The saucer's hatch opened and a small green alien with red eyes and black antenna emerged from the smokey interior, holding his head high. "Greetings! I have come to meet the great Dylan Pickles, the mightiest hero Earth has to... oh." He blinked, seeing Dil standing there in his underpants, Didi holding his hand. "My mistake."
Shaking himself out of the vision Dil quickly ruled that out. He thought about sucking up his pride and knocking on the door to risk Steph and Brian's wrath only for him to notice something out of the corner of his eye. He glanced to his right and realized that Tommy and Kimi's door wasn't shut all the way. "Hello..." Thrilled that his luck had finally changed he quietly slipped into his brother's room, the door shutting seconds before Langdon hurried back around the corner with Phil in tow.
"You didn't tell me your stalker was both gay and invisible. Or are all gay people invisible?" Phil asked dryly.
"He was right here, coming at me-"
"Oh oh oh!"
"Coming AT! AT me!" Langdon snapped.
"dude, shhh! My babies are asleep just beyond this door." Phil fished out his key and unlocked the door, only for Langdon to shove him inside before sliding in himself. "Dude!" Phil hissed as Langdon forced him into the bathroom. "Okay, I don't know about your stalker but I'm beginning to question you and your motives!"
"Don't you get it?!" Langdon snarled, waving his finger in Phil's face. "If he isn't in the hall that means he got inside the room! He's probably waiting in there, ready to pounce the moment I step inside."
"Aw," Phil said with mock sweetness, "someone's going to stop being a little girl and become a little woman."
Langdon's retort died on his tongue as a horrifying through occurred to him. "Lil… oh god she's alone in there with that pervert!"
"Wait, so because he's gay he's a pervert?" Phil asked.
"No, because he was running around in his underwear in the middle of a hotel hallway makes him a pervert."
"Just checking."
Langdon ran his fingers through his hair. "Lil… she's all alone with that guy… who knows what's happening!"
Phil wiggled his pursed lips in thought…
"Hello, I'm stalking your boyfriend because I want to have sex with him. May I hide in your-"
Lil's hand snapped out, grabbed the underwear fiend by the throat, and tore his head off with one clean jerk, a geyser of blood shooting from his neck and soaking the room.
"RRRRAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWRRRRR!" she bellowed, lifting the head into the air and pounding her chest.
"…I pity the maid that has to clean up that mess," Phil finally said with a shudder. He took a moment to get over that trauma before saying, "Well, I'm going to bed. See you at breakfast?" Langdon's hand shot out, forcing the door closed. "Or not."
"We have to rescue Lil!" Langdon declared.
"From what?" Phil said. Langdon's jaw just flapped and the scientist sighed. "Just text her on your phone, okay?"
Langdon took a calming breath, seeing the merit in that plan. "Right… right…" he pulled out his phone and began typing out the message. "This is a really spacious bathroom."
"It is, isn't it?" Phil said, whistling in appreciation. "They really went all out to make it classy too. You try the jets in the tub yet?"
"Not yet but Lil said they were a dream."
"Oh, they hit all the right spots."
"I'll have to try it out after I save Lil from my creepy underwear stalker."
Phil nodded. "You really should." He looked about, the sound of Langdon typing out his message the only real sound. "I suppose it'd be weird if I tried it out now, right?"
"Yes, it would," Langdon said without looking up.
"Right, right, just checking."
~MC~MC~MC~
Tommy rolled his shoulders as he made his way through the long grass, the cool night air a relief after the hot afternoon. He could hear the chirping of insects and occasionally the movement of gazelle in the distance. He didn't pursue them though, as they were of no interest to him. Instead he made his way towards the watering hole, leaning down and lapping at the cool surface with his rough tongue, his shaggy mane shifting as he moved his head closer to the peaceful surface of the still lake.
Yes, the king of the jungle prowled the African Savannah tonight and all the other animals let Tommy the Lion drink at his leisure.
"Tommy…"
He blinked, for a moment swearing he heard his name, but when no one approached he bent down to get another drink… only to realize that his reflection in the water was no longer his reflection. Instead it was of someone much younger, with a bald little head and cherub like smile wearing a blue shirt and a diapie.
"Tommy…" the childish voice called again, this time joined by the rustle of the wind through the grass. Tommy backed away from the water hole, his eyes widening in shock as the clouds above him began to swirl about like cream in coffee. He didn't even notice he wasn't a lion anymore and was human, or find it odd he hadn't been human to begin with. Instead he could only watch as a face… his face… the face of his youth… formed in the clouds. "You forgots me."
Tommy's brow furrowed. "No… no, I couldn't forget you. I am you!"
Baby-Tommy shook his head, the clouds becoming far more solid until they formed into his actual baby self, just like he'd seen in the home movies and photos. "You forgots all about yourselfs and that made you forgets about me. Lookey inside of yourself, Tommy! You're more than what you become!"
"What is that supposed to mean!?" Tommy asked, insulted and annoyed. He reached up and picked up his littler self. "I have a great life! I have a beautiful wife and a baby and a great job that makes me tons of money…"
"Then why aren't you happy?" Baby-Tommy asked simply, staring at him, clearly confused.
"I… I don't know," Tommy admitted.
"Remember who you are… you're Tommy Pickles… Remember who you are…" The baby turned back into clouds which began to dissipate, the ghostly words of his baby self fading on the wind and suddenly Tommy was racing forward, pleading for him not to go, to explain what he meant…
…and that's when Dil's baby self hit him in the head with a rattle.
"TOMMY!" Baby-Dil squealed.
"Wha?"
"Tommy!" Dil hissed and Tommy slowly blinked his eyes, realizing he was in the hotel room and Dil was standing over him gently shaking him, looking down and-
"Dil… why are you in my room in just your underpants?" Tommy asked groggily, sitting up. He looked at the clock and groaned; it was getting close to one. On one hand he was glad he hadn't been awoken at 4 or 5, when getting back to sleep would be impossible. On the other hand… "Why are you in your underpants?" he repeated, staring at his brother.
"I left my phone in my car," Dil said as if that explained everything in the world.
"…and?" Tommy said when it was clear Dil wasn't going to finish.
"I went to get it and got locked out of my room. I'd go down to the lobby…" he gestured at his form and Tommy grimaced; tighty-whites, no matter how you tried, would never work as garments for walking down and handling business. "Can you go to the desk and get a spare key?"
"They'll need picture id," Tommy reminded him. "And I'm not listed on your room."
"You could use my id," Dil reasoned.
Tommy pushed himself further up on the bed, a small part of his mind wondering where the hell Kimi and Louie were as they should have been back by now (his sleepy mind also figured that Kimi would be able to deal with his brother better than him, especially in this situation). Usually it only took her about 10 minutes to get Louie to settle down but it was now closing in on an hour since she'd left. She'd probably just found someone, most likely one of their friends, and was chatting with them but it did make him worry a touch. However, underpants-wearing-brothers trumped wife-and-baby at the moment and dear lord did Tommy hate that such a sentence could be uttered about his life.
"Dil, they'll notice I'm not you."
The younger Pickle scoffed. "No they won't! Everyone used to say we looked exactly alike!"
"When we were babies," Tommy said slowly, scotching away as his brother came and sat on the bed. "But now I'm a grapehead and you're a fire crotch so it's a bit more noticeable that-"
"I'm not a firecrotch."
"…yes, you are," Tommy said, feeling a headache coming on. "That's what they call people with red hair."
"I get that, I just mean… there is no fire around…" he gestured towards his underpants.
"Dil!" Tommy exclaimed in disgust. "I love ya but I didn't need to know that!"
"What?" Dil said in confusion. "It's called manscaping."
"I don't need to… manscapng? Dear lord you said that word… and just made me say it."
Dil gave his brother a look of reproach, though he was wearing a smile as he did so. "People snuggling Reptar dolls shouldn't throw stones." Tommy looked at the Reptar doll and merely pushed him under the sheet so he wasn't visible. "And I don't get the big deal… Steph loves it."
"Dil, please!" Tommy groaned.
"Said it makes everything look bigger… I bet Kimi would like it to."
"I'm not… manscaping!" Tommy growled.
"I'll help you out."
Tommy just stared at his brother in utter horror. He couldn't have looked more frightened if a chainsaw wielding freak had burst in proclaiming that he oiled his chain with Pickles' blood. Dil was just staring at him with a dopey grin on his face but all Tommy could see was him coming at him with a razor and a pair of little pruning sheers…
"Earth to big brother Tommy, Earth to big brother Tommy, come in," Dil gave him a shake and Tommy snapped out of his horror filled vision. "Are you going to get my room key or what?"
Tommy sighed and sank back down onto the bed. "No because they'll know I'm not you. Just grab a pair of my pants and one of my shirts and go down there yourself. You can return them in the morning."
"Ew," Dil said in disgust. "I'm not going to do that!"
"…what?" Tommy said flatly.
"Those are your clothes… and you want me to put them on MY body? And then you'll turn around and wear them again? Ugh!"
Tommy spun around, staring at his brother in disbelief. "You… you wanted to help me ma…manscape… but THAT is what disgusts you?"
"There are just lines brothers don't cross!" Dil said with a shudder before leaping over Tommy, bouncing on the bed a few times before slipping under the sheets. "Guess I'll just sleep with you until Kimi comes back and she thinks of something."
"Please don't word it like that," Tommy moaned, too tired to argue with Dil anymore. "And Dil?"
"Yeah Tommy?"
"You spoon me and they'll never find your body."
"Right."
"I'll get Lil to help."
Dil grabbed one of the pillows Tommy and Kimi had tossed onto the floor and put it between him and his brother… just in case.
~MC~MC~MC~
Author's Notes: Please, for the love of god, review this. I love this story and reviews feed my muse!
