I went ahead and got started since I had some time. I don't know when I'll start really going fast.
Grande St. Leger- District One male
It seemed funny to me that Dr. Splendor's office was the only place in One that wasn't crazy. It was actually decorated tastefully, instead of a mishmash of garish colors and jewel tones. He had two brown leather chairs, a potted mini lemon tree, a little fountain on a coffee table, and some watercolors on the wall, and that was it. It was soothing and serene, which I suppose is what you expect from a therapist.
I'd heard every joke there was about being a nutcase, and they could shove them. I wasn't crazy. "Crazy" people- the kind they were talking about- didn't go to therapists. When people talked about crazy, they meant the more severe and hard-to-conceal cases, like psychosis or (usually this is what they meant) schizophrenia. Comparing things like that with anxiety and depression was like comparing tuberculosis to a cold. And yet, if you have a bad cold, you go to the doctor. Just because it's only a little problem doesn't mean you shouldn't get it treated. It was the same for me.
"I decided to volunteer today," I told Dr. Splendor. He didn't hold a sheet of paper or look at me all scrutinizingly like everyone pictured therapists. We talked like two normal people who were trying to help someone with a problem.
"What made you decide that?" he asked. He betrayed no surprise or shock. He always said that he was here to help, not judge.
"It was my eighteenth birthday three days ago," I said. "I had a bunch of friends over to my father's house. We were talking about books and philosophy and stuff. Elissa was there, too, but you know…" Elissa didn't fit in with the rest of my friends. They weren't mean, they just didn't understand her.
"When I was cleaning up after the party, my dad came in. He kept talking about how proud he was and how I really have nothing to complain about now and how no one's going to bully me now that I finally toughened up. I remember I just wanted to smash the plate and scream at him. I wanted to tell him I was tough because he and Mom split up and won't even admit it, and now I have to move from house to house like a hobo and the two people who were my example for how permanent love is threw it away and if they promised they'd love each other forever and didn't, how can I believe them when they say they'll love me forever?"
Dr. Splendor waited patiently as I went on, getting it all out in one sitting.
"I feel bad for what I thought about him, but that's how I felt. And I decided right then that I was tired of being what he wanted and what everyone wanted, and I just wanted to do something no one expected. I wanted to be my own person and make my own decision, so I made the biggest decision I could. I'm volunteering for the Hunger Games," I finished.
"That's a big decision," Dr. Splendor said. "Do you still want to volunteer?"
"I do," I said. "It's scary, but I feel free."
"I hope it works for you," Dr. Splendor said. He was a professional, but he really cared about me. "I'll make some calls and see if you can be permitted to retain your prescription. If you can't, I suggest we start tapering it off now. Your condition isn't severe enough that stopping will cause trouble, but the side effects of sudden cessation are far more dangerous."
I took an antidepressant once a day. It was a small dose, and it didn't make a huge change. It just added a little color to the day and helped keep the anxiety down. It was like salt in soup. You could eat soup without salt, but it was hardly worth eating.
I smiled when he said it. Dr. Splendor's first thought was for my wellbeing, not his expectations of me. I knew he disapproved of the Games, being a doctor and all, and just a good person, to be honest. The therapy and the medication were really helpful, but what I appreciated most was having people who cared.
Elissa de Angelo- District One female
Religion wasn't encouraged in Panem. It was, in fact, highly discouraged- usually under penalty of death. Of course there would always be those who refused to be broken. It was one of the most uplifting truths I'd ever encountered that the more a nation hated religion, the more faithfully the devout preserved it.
My own religion, Sofreh, had some distinct advantages that helped it slip through the cracks. Probably most importantly, it was non-proselytizing. Sofreh didn't teach a separation in the afterlife. We thought there was a more nebulous permanence in that souls persisted and were perpetually transformed after their vessels were destroyed, and that just about anything could be a vessel- a sort of pantheism, I suppose. So there was no need to bring other people in, since everyone was included by default. Another helpful part was that Sofreh had very few specific rules and the rituals, while complicated, didn't require many materials or much to-do. It was very easy to practice without anyone knowing.
The rituals were my favorite part. They were my anchor to something solid and timeless. I needed that, since my mind was always wandering. I couldn't keep a thought in my head for ten seconds before something else came along and distracted me. I knew something about just about every weapon in the Academy and I knew a lot about a few of them, but I learned it all in five minute increments.
Raspi Russe took a flower from the bowl in the center of the sheet we were sitting on. She passed it over but not through the flame in a bowl of oil and laid it on my plate. We were ideally supposed to use a special ceremonial vessel, but it would have attracted suspicion and we didn't have one, so we used the prettiest bowl we could find.
When everyone had a flower, we started the prayers. Each of the fourteen of us (there aren't many Sofrehites in One, and I wasn't sure there were any at all in the rest of Panem) sitting on the sheet lifted our flowers in one hand and one finger of the other hand. You could make as many or as few prayers as you wanted, raising another finger for each one and starting again if you had more than five. Or you could think about a past Sofrehite hero or event. That was a good rule for me, since I always thought about at least half a dozen things in the roughly two-minute prayer time.
Hey, Asuir, I started, addressing the ultimate deity. I know we transform and don't really die and all that, but please keep Grande safe in the Arena if you don't mind. And if I get picked too, please help me do a good job and do honor to my potential. I thought for a minute about what else to ask. And please help me be patient when Zircon annoys me.
Asuir wasn't a petty sort of god. She didn't mind if prayers were short. With that taken care of, I started thinking of more particular gods. Technically they were all the same god, since each one, called an Ahura, was a different piece of Asuir, like the faces of a diamond, but some fit better or worse with different people.
Hey, Huyk, I switched to my favorite Ahura. Truth has infinite faces, and Asuir fulfilled all of those by her (being a god, Asuir was male and female. She was female for female followers and male for male ones) Ahuras, or facets. Her different manifestations fulfilled different truths. Huyk was my favorite because she was the Ahura of action, conflict, and violence. That sounded bloodthirsty, but I identified with how she moved quickly, flitting from thought to thought. And the violence part was better in context. If souls are permanent and death is just a transition, violence wasn't really wrong entirely. Causing pain was wrong and it wasn't a good idea to run around wantonly killing people, but killing could be a good thing if done right. If someone was stuck in a faulty body, for example, or they weren't living up to their potential and needed a kick in the pants. That was how I justified being in the Academy.
Hey, Huyk. I hope you're doing well today. How do you deal with all the thoughts cramming into your head at once? Sometimes I wish I could think of one thing and stick to it. Do you feel like that? And another thing...
Grande: No description
Elissa: five feet and six inches, shoulder-length blonde hair in a messy bun. Bright green eyes and tan caucasian skin, and likes to wear multiple bracelets on her wrist along with colourful clothing.
Elissa's form said she belonged to a fictional religion, as in I get to make it up. I was gonna go generic but then decided to go all-in. I've concocted a religion inspired by Zoroastrianism, Satanism, and some random stuff I threw in to make it different enough that it wasn't stepping on any toes. I went kind of in-depth and made some lore, which I think I'll put up next just for giggles.
