Chapter 19
Daenerys sat in front of the hearth. She knew she should sleep, to at least get some rest before leaving Winterfell the next day, but there were too many thoughts in her head. Sansa hadn't come to any of the meals in the hall and Daenerys felt sure that Sansa hated her so she didn't try to go see her in her rooms. But now that this was Daenerys's last night in Winterfell, she realized she should have done just that, and that she wasted these days when she could've used them to shore up at least a cordial friendship. Part of her wanted to go to Sansa's rooms now but it was the middle of the night. She was probably asleep. She would probably close the door in my face.
That thought made her smile. Sansa Stark. So strong and obstinate. Beautiful and passionate. But then Daenerys's smile fell as she remembered how hurt Sansa had looked the last time they were alone together. It's too late.
The knock on the door was a welcome interruption. Maybe it was Missandei who knew her queen needed company. Daenerys opened the door and was surprised to see Sansa, wearing a robe over her nightgown. Warmth filled Daenerys, happy to see her, thankful that Sansa didn't hate her enough to let this distance between them stand. She hoped they would be able to put it all past them and begin anew.
Daenerys stepped back and let Sansa into her bedchamber. She saw Sansa nervously look around. This was the first time Sansa had been in her bedchamber while she'd been a guest here. Daenerys saw that she was playing with the rope of her robe and when Sansa caught Daenerys looking at it, she turned away. Daenerys wondered why she wasn't speaking.
"I'm glad you came," Daenerys said. "I didn't want to leave things that way between us. About Jon…"
"Please, let's not speak of him," Sansa interrupted, still not looking at her. "You're leaving. You two will wed. It is the best thing for you and the realm. But tonight… just for tonight…"
Sansa turned around and slowly undid the tie of her robe and removed it, letting it fall to the floor. Her gaze steady, Daenerys inhaled sharply when Sansa approached and began to untie the rope of her own robe. Daenerys grabbed her hands, stopping her, suddenly afraid of what this would mean. Of how her heart would be able to handle this. One night together, no more. Shouldn't they speak first? Would Sansa regret it?
Would I be able to walk away afterwards?
Sansa patiently waited as Daenerys thought over the ramifications of this choice. There was desire in Sansa's eyes but also understanding, as if Sansa knew they would likely not recover easily after this but she wanted to anyway. And so did Daenerys.
Daenerys slowly nodded and then allowed Sansa to finish removing her robe and then loosen the laces on the front of her nightgown. Once they were unlaced, Sansa's hands stayed where they were, lightly gripping Daenerys's nightgown. They stared at each other and Daenerys brought her hands to Sansa's wrists, her eyes questioning, searching Sansa's face to make sure this was what she wanted. Sansa's eyes closed and she pulled Daenerys towards her. Daenerys leaned forward to press a soft kiss on her neck. The relieved gasp that Sansa made caused Daenerys to smile. She pulled back and watched Sansa open her eyes. Determination and lust came to life in those eyes and Daenerys felt arms wrap around her as Sansa pulled her into a desperate kiss, hungrier than the ones before. She rubbed her hands along Sansa's back and down to her thighs and Daenerys smiled when she felt Sansa shudder against her. But when Sansa bit her lower lip, Daenerys was the one who trembled uncontrollably, the way she always did when Sansa did that. She couldn't help it. The pain and pleasure from that sensation was always a surprise coming from Sansa and Daenerys wondered if Sansa would surprise her in other ways.
Moving to the bed, Daenerys sat on the edge while Sansa attacked her neck. Sansa was moving fast but with purpose and Daenerys was surprised at her level of comfort and confidence; whatever reservations she had detected in Sansa in the past likely had more to do with whether it was a good idea than with the act itself. Where Sansa lacked knowledge, she used her eyes and fingers to explore and learn Daenerys's responses. And she was a fast learner. She felt Sansa's hands trail up between her legs only to ghost away and before Daenerys knew it, one hand tangled in her hair, pulling her head back while Sansa trailed her other hand down her neck and over her breasts. Any thoughts she'd had that she would have to lead Sansa through her first time with a woman disappeared. Daenerys sighed in eager anticipation as Sansa pushed her to lie back against the bed, making sure Daenerys was comfortable on a pillow.
Daenerys gasped after Sansa bit her on her shoulder, the sudden tightness of her arousal making her pull Sansa to her. She felt a smile against her.
When Sansa pulled away, she must've seen the impressed look on Daenerys's face because she said, "I may have thought on this once or twice," and then continued kissing her neck.
"Do I match the fantasy?" breathed Daenerys, enjoying the neediness she felt in Sansa's touches and kisses.
Sansa raised her head to look at Daenerys, and said with a smirk, "Do I?"
With her hands holding back Sansa's hair, Daenerys said, "More…", and then leaned up to kiss her lips lightly.
"You're more, Sansa," she whispered, and Sansa smiled before leaning down to kiss Daenerys again.
Sansa was lying next to her with one leg over Daenerys's legs, her hand caressing Daenerys's face and following a path down her body. Sansa's kisses on her neck and upper chest became more urgent as she quickly reached for the bottom hem of Daenerys's nightgown but Daenerys wasn't done with her explorations of Sansa and wanted to slow down. Daenerys pulled Sansa on top of her and rolled them over so that she was now on top and settled between Sansa's legs. Daenerys grabbed Sansa's right hand with her left and held it above Sansa's head against the bed, while using the fingertips of her right hand to trace a line along Sansa's jaw before kissing Sansa until she was breathless and writhing beneath her. But instead of carrying on at that pace, she slowed again. She began unlacing the front of Sansa's nightgown but didn't open it yet. She wanted to wait until Sansa was begging.
"I'm not a delicate flower, Daenerys. I won't break," whispered Sansa.
Daenerys smiled lovingly. "I know, my sweet Sansa. I can see that you are not shy with these pleasures. And my restraint will soon falter. But I want to savor this. I want to savor you."
She kissed Sansa's lips then feathered light kisses down her neck and over her chest, ghosting lips over the hardened nipples through her nightgown, whispering words into Sansa's body as she did so.
"Forcing myself to be slow and soft, holding myself back from ripping this nightgown off of you, it's so deliciously painful."
Daenerys could see how her words were having the desired effect on Sansa. She was hanging on her every word, lips parted, eyes dark with desire. Letting go of her hand, Daenerys rose up onto her knees to look at Sansa, who suddenly pulled open the front of her nightgown, baring her breasts. Daenerys pressed forward with hands on either side of Sansa's face, hovering over her.
"That wasn't fair, Sansa," Daenerys scolded, her voice dripping with lust, taking in Sansa's seductive smirk, lowering her eyes to Sansa's breasts. She raised her eyes back to Sansa's and pressed a hand on her breast, reveling in how Sansa's eyes fluttered closed and in the softness of her skin.
Daenerys lay against her and brought her mouth to Sansa's breast. As soon as her lips pulled on a nipple, Sansa's hands gripped her head and arched into her. Daenerys growled and bit down. Sansa's noises were making it hard to think and Daenerys rose up again to kiss her. Deep, wanton kisses and when Daenerys moved her pelvis against her, Sansa broke away with a loud moan. Her eyes were pleading with Daenerys for more and Daenerys could barely breathe. She could see something in Sansa's eyes that Daenerys thought only she felt. It was a look that was going to make walking away from this even harder and Daenerys hid her face in Sansa's neck as she thrusted gently against Sansa's warmth, afraid to let herself believe.
But Sansa wouldn't let her hide. Her fingers dug into her back, her sighs called to her and Daenerys had to feel those sighs on her lips. It was as if Sansa was thinking the same thing and she grabbed Daenerys's hair and pulled her to her mouth, dropping one of her hands to grip and squeeze at Daenerys's breast. Daenerys surrendered into that kiss, not caring that later Sansa would cut her to pieces with a final farewell. Right now, Sansa was hers and she was Sansa's.
When Daenerys noticed the tears in Sansa's eyes, she stilled.
"We can stop if you want to," Daenerys whispered.
"It's not that, I just… I didn't know it could hurt so much… what this feels like, it's everything."
Daenerys understood. Because she felt that pain, too. Her heart was bursting from everything she was feeling.
Sansa leaned up and pulled Daenerys into another kiss, rolling them over until Sansa was straddling her, her chest pressing down against her. This time their kiss was full of the tenderness and longing they'd felt for each other these last weeks. The passion was still there, the heat a tremendous blaze, but emotions were now coming to the surface. This was more than lust. Daenerys could feel it in Sansa's kiss.
"I'm going to miss you, Daenerys," Sansa whispered against her mouth.
"I will miss you, too… I don't want to leave…" Daenerys said between kisses. Sansa raised herself up until she was sitting and Daenerys was reminded of that time in the snow, a winter goddess straddling her in desire. She sat up to press kisses down Sansa's neck and to her breast, nibbling and biting, treasuring every gasp and whimper from Sansa.
"Promise me you'll be safe, promise me nothing will happen to you," gasped Sansa, rolling her hips against her.
"Nothing will happen to me," answered Daenerys, suckling Sansa's nipple into her mouth as her hands sought the bottom hem of Sansa's nightgown, raising it up so that she could caress bare thighs. She wanted to feel her wetness, to see Sansa fall apart above her, but she held off, wanting to commit this image of Sansa to memory. Sansa arched her back into her and ground herself down, and Daenerys's hands quickly wrapped around Sansa's waist, pulling her closer, helping to increase the pressure of their bodies together. She looked up at Sansa, her head leaning back, her hair a fiery waterfall in her fingers, and she whispered, "I'll come back for you."
"What… what did you say?" Sansa asked, out of breath, looking down at her in confusion.
Daenerys stared up at Sansa. Beautiful, breathtaking Sansa. My Sansa. She didn't want to leave her behind.
"Sansa, come with me. After the war, come to King's Landing. You could be my special counsel or lady in waiting. Bran can take over here, he's more capable than he lets on. We can be together."
"Daenerys… I thought you understood," Sansa said and the way she said it made Daenerys's heart stop.
Sansa closed her eyes for a moment, then she pulled her nightgown back up over her shoulders, covering her chest, and got off Daenerys, sitting back up against the headboard of the bed, not looking at her.
"I can't live in King's Landing."
Fear of losing Sansa gripped her heart. Daenerys turned to her, sitting on her legs in the center of the bed.
"Yes you can. It'll be different. I know you have harsh memories of that place…"
"I can't do that to Jon. The scandal."
"Then I end things with him. And you come with me." Daenerys hadn't even paused to think before replying but she didn't care. Nothing mattered except having Sansa at her side.
Sansa looked upset. It was not the response Daenerys wanted but she couldn't stop herself now. One night would never be enough. She had to convince her.
In a steadier voice than she looked, Sansa said, "The rumors about us will be endless. The North will think you've corrupted me. Strife will rise against you."
"I don't care. I need you. Jon can return to Winterfell as Warden. He can keep the peace here in the North."
Sansa shook her head. "He would have difficulty regaining the lords' respect on his own. Peace would not be easy and you would always be dealing with those troubles. And you can't forget about the dangers of his claim."
"Sansa…"
It was like the 'game' in the Godswood again and Daenerys could not find the right counterpoints to Sansa's reasoning.
"And I would never be happy living in King's Landing. Listen to me, our responsibility is to our people. Your marriage to Jon will bring peace to the seven kingdoms. You need a tie to the North in King's Landing and that can't be me for I must stay here. I must marry and produce heirs so that Winterfell is secure for my family."
Sansa spoke soothingly and convincingly but it only made Daenerys more desperate. If not King's Landing, then she would go to Winterfell.
"I could come here whenever I can…"
"Daenerys," whispered Sansa, looking down. "Please…"
Daenerys's heart was pounding; she could hold it in no longer. Sansa felt the same, she had to.
"But I love you, Sansa."
At those words, Sansa looked up and she saw Sansa's eyes brighten, and for the briefest of moments Daenerys saw her love reflected there. But then tears came back to Sansa's eyes. Sansa looked away as if in shame. Why is she ashamed? Or is it guilt?
"You don't know what you're saying…"
Daenerys grabbed Sansa's hands and pulled her forward so that they were both on their knees on the bed. She looked into those eyes that avoided her gaze and let her fingers brush back red hair out of Sansa's face and wipe the tears from her cheeks.
"I know exactly what I'm saying, Sansa," Daenerys whispered.
Then she leaned forward to press the gentlest of kisses on Sansa's mouth, wistful and longing. She lingered there until Sansa returned it. The heat grew again between them and the emotion she felt in Sansa's lips made Daenerys's heart spill over with her love. This was right. Sansa was the one she wanted. Only her, for the rest of their lives.
"I love you. For so long I've loved you. Be with me, Sansa."
Sansa groaned and roughly pulled away. The tears were falling freely now as Sansa sat back on her legs. Daenerys did the same though she wouldn't let go of Sansa's hands.
"If you knew the things I've done... you wouldn't… I've lied to you."
"Do you mean the start of this friendship? I knew about that from the very beginning. But it became real. That's all that matters."
"No, not just that." And the way she said it, along with the wild look which came to Sansa's eyes, caused a nervousness to grow within Daenerys. Daenerys squeezed Sansa's hands tightly, waiting, suddenly aware this was more than just rejection.
"Do you remember the first dinner in your solar? When you asked if I intended to harm you?" Sansa whispered.
The bottom dropped out from under Daenerys. She stared at Sansa in disbelief and then shock, dropping Sansa's hands. Sansa looked back but it wasn't defiance on her face, it was sorrow and remorse.
"No. I… I don't believe you," said Daenerys in a small voice. She hated that voice. Anger grew within her. Then more loudly she said, "I don't believe you."
Daenerys shook her head and grabbed Sansa's shoulders. She pressed her forehead hard against Sansa's, turning her head slowly in a side to side motion, refusing to believe it.
"No," she said through gritted teeth and clenched eyes. Sansa's hands came to her cheeks and Daenerys welcomed them, praying that Sansa would take it back, that this would all be a cruel lie. But when Sansa pressed a kiss to her lips and whispered 'I'm sorry' before pulling away and moving to sit on the side of the bed, Daenerys felt the truth like a blow to her stomach. She stayed sitting on her legs in the center of the bed for several moments before letting out a guttural cry of despair, so loud it brought Grey Worm into the room.
"Get out and make sure no one enters!" yelled Daenerys in high Valyrian. He nodded in obedience and shut the door behind him. She began re-lacing the front of her nightgown and climbed off of the bed. She picked up both of their robes off the floor and tossed Sansa's next to her. Sansa didn't move to put it on but Daenerys didn't really care. She put on her robe and turned to Sansa. Not yet, her mind yelled. Daenerys moved to stand behind the chair in front of the hearth, needing to put some distance between them, her hands gripping the back tightly until her fingers hurt. Bitter tears silently fell as she tried to seek comfort in the fire as she always had but there was nothing. She had nothing. These castle walls around her, which she had foolishly let into her heart as a kind of home, the home she'd always wanted, were now dark and foreboding. She'd been an idiot. She'd trusted when she should've been cautious. She'd loved when she should've showed restraint. All those things I shared with her. Daenerys had been nothing but honest and Sansa had been duplicitous from the very beginning. At least Sansa wasn't trying to move her with loud cries and rending of garments. Yelling and crying would likely come later but at least right now, Sansa had the good sense to give Daenerys this quiet.
When the tears had stopped and she was able to feel rational again, Daenerys hoarsely said, "Tell me everything, Sansa."
Sansa kept it brief but was forthcoming with details when asked. There wasn't much to her plot after all so that part of the conversation didn't take long. When Daenerys demanded names, she wasn't surprised to hear Arya's but it did surprise her that it was just the two of them. But she could understand the simplicity of it; the less who knew, the better it would be for everyone if it were discovered.
It was as if Daenerys wasn't really there in the room with Sansa. It did eventually escalate to yelling and crying when they got to the 'why' of it, and she didn't stay by the chair the whole time, but it was like it was happening to someone else. And she was glad for it. Because if she'd been totally within herself she likely wouldn't have been able to keep from immediately punishing Sansa for this betrayal. Daenerys reluctantly appreciated how Sansa didn't try to beg for her life, only for her sister's, nor did she try to use hysterics to appeal for sympathy. When Daenerys would threaten her, she didn't try to defend herself. When Daenerys would cry out in anguish, Sansa would hold back tears and let Daenerys rain her insults upon her. Sansa would only become impassioned in stating her change of heart and reasserting the North's and Jon's loyalty to Daenerys.
What had been the most heart-wrenching were the times when Daenerys became so overwhelmed by her need for Sansa that she'd give her openings to declare her own feelings for her, to say the words that Daenerys had foolishly said. But Sansa never did, even when Daenerys had dangled forgiveness as an incentive, even when Daenerys had ordered her to do so. Her only conclusion for this refusal was that Sansa didn't feel the same way.
But Daenerys indeed still loved Sansa and she told Sansa to go to her rooms. She needed time to think over what was said. She needed time to mourn this devastation.
*::::*
Sansa walked back to her rooms in the early morning hours, grateful for the silence and the empty corridors. Her crying had stopped but she knew she looked disheveled and wouldn't be able to explain it away. When she reached her bedchamber, Sansa slowly removed her robe and sat on the edge of her bed. Arya would not understand why she'd confessed the way she did. Or maybe she would. Daenerys loved her and Sansa's heart yearned to respond in kind but her guilt at her unworthiness and the consequences for Jon and the realm held her back. She couldn't think of any other way. And maybe a small selfish part of her felt relieved at unburdening herself, of showing Daenerys the kind of person she truly was, someone that didn't deserve the queen's love.
Daenerys's fury had been warranted. It was more than betraying a queen. Daenerys had felt it as it was, a betrayal between friends, between lovers. That cry she made that prompted Grey Worm to come in… Sansa wanted to be struck down then and there, her heart unable to bear that she was the reason for Daenerys's pain. Daenerys's fury bubbled underneath the surface as Sansa briefly described the Winter town plan and lashed out at her in bursts afterwards. Sansa hesitated at first but she named her sister when asked. She begged that this remain between them, that it wasn't Arya's idea, that whatever punishment came Sansa's way, she would accept it gladly if it meant her sister went free. It was the only thing she begged for.
The hardest parts, the parts that made Sansa struggle the most, were when Daenerys asked 'why' or when Daenerys's heart cried out for her love. Sansa's heart fought to express itself at those moments but she resisted. And Sansa did her best to prevent her responses from growing desperate with excuses about the North and her fear. Then when Sansa shifted to explaining why she changed her mind, avoiding any mention of her true feelings, she tried to be as succinct as possible, limiting her praise for Daenerys's character. She was guilty and didn't want to sound like she was trying to lessen her punishment. She mostly tried to stay silent in the end.
"So it was all feigned? All of it?" Daenerys asked quietly.
"No, not all. Many things we shared were true. So many things."
That was the one time Sansa had hinted at her own feelings. Lying and saying yes would've been better at pushing her away but Sansa had made the mistake of looking Daenerys in the eye and seeing her heartbreak. She couldn't help but want to assure her that it hadn't all been false between them. Their kisses, their desire, the way they struggled with their feelings, all of that had been real.
Sansa had wanted to take Daenerys in her arms, to prove her devotion, to comfort her queen. And at one point, when Daenerys was standing in front of her where she was sitting on the edge of the bed, Sansa raised her hand up to try to touch her. Daenerys had stared at her hand as if it was a strange thing and she put it back down. Her eyes had been cold and threatening but also tired and broken.
"Go back to your rooms now, Lady Stark. I have much to think about."
And Sansa had obeyed her queen's command. When she walked out of the room and shut the door, Grey Worm and Missandei were there waiting. Daenerys yelled out that she was not to be disturbed and Sansa had felt Grey Worm's hard stare, and Missandei's disappointed one, but she didn't move. Sansa had stayed where she was for several moments, waiting to be taken into custody, waiting to be called back in, warring with her urge to go back in there and declare her feelings. But when she heard the sobs coming from the room, she had fled.
Sansa blinked away the memory of it, stood up, and walked to her wardrobe, picking out what she would wear tomorrow. Then she sat at her writing table and began to write notes to Arya, Bran, and Jon, stating her hopes and wishes for them, and leaving brief instructions on gifts for the servants. She thought about writing a note to Daenerys but her heart ached too much to think of the words she would write. Confess her true feelings? That she loved her with everything that was in her? Risk further damaging whatever future Jon would have with her? No, there would be no note for Daenerys. Sansa's hands shook as she sealed the notes to her siblings and slipped them into a drawer. I'll let Jon know they're there after I'm arrested. She reminded herself that she should rise early and go warn Arya, to give her a chance to get away. The only reason she wasn't going to Arya now was because she knew Arya would try to convince Sansa to come with her, or worse, try to do something to prevent Daenerys from taking action.
Looking around her bedchamber, Sansa contemplated whether there were any other things she should settle but there was nothing more to do until morning and Sansa walked over to the bed. Instead of slipping in to her side, she lay where Daenerys had lain during those nights together, and Sansa cried; cried for her lost friend, for the love she would never have. She was afraid, not of her deserved punishment, but of how Daenerys would look at her in the morning, of how coldly the woman she loved would act towards her. I love her and she hates me now.
*::::*
There was one final early morning meeting before her departure. Daenerys maintained her composure, hiding her anger from everyone, only sparing one glance towards Sansa, who stood quietly in the back looking down. Arya stood next to her, staring at Daenerys, her expression inscrutable as usual.
When Jon wheeled Bran inside, Bran uncharacteristically spoke right away.
"There's something you should know before you go. Cersei lost the child. She's very ill at the moment. And very irrational. Caution must be used when taking the city."
Daenerys glanced at Tyrion beside her at this news and he looked crestfallen. She put a hand on his shoulder.
"Thank you, Lord Brandon. You've been very helpful. While I have no love for Cersei Lannister, I do not wish this pain on any woman. I just hope we're able to end her reign before she has a chance to inflict harm on more innocents." Daenerys hardened her gaze and glanced at Jon.
Jon said, "The Queen and I will leave in a couple of hours. The Dothraki and Unsullied are ready, and the carriages and supplies are prepared." He looked around the room and nodded back to Daenerys.
She finally allowed herself to look at Sansa and Sansa stepped forward and looked up at her, bracing herself for whatever words Daenerys would say. Those piercing eyes again, her heart ached at the sight of them. Sansa looked as if she hadn't slept. Daenerys hadn't slept either.
"Thank you, Lady Stark, for your hospitality. Our stay was longer than originally planned but you were a gracious hostess and I will not forget the North's or your sacrifices. You are now Wardeness and Lady Paramount of the North. May the North's people take comfort knowing you will do anything and everything to protect them."
Sansa was very good at hiding her reactions in public and only allowed the slightest twitch in the corner of her mouth in response to Daenerys's words. But that response told Daenerys everything: Sansa had expected to be exposed and punished. Sansa bowed her head and said, "Thank you, your Grace. Winterfell will miss you."
There was an awkward silence before Tyrion cut in with, "Let's get on with it."
Jon wheeled Bran out, followed by Sansa, Arya, and Ser Davos. Daenerys nodded to Missandei, Grey Worm, and Varys, who walked out of the room together. It was just Tyrion now and she gave him a look telling him to stay.
After she was sure the others were far from the room, she closed the door.
"You will not be coming with me, Lord Tyrion. I've already instructed Missandei to make sure your belongings are put back in your room."
Tyrion looked confused.
"I am your Hand. My place is at your side while you finally win the throne," he argued.
"I will be relieving you as my Hand in the coming weeks. You've served as well as you could but I think we both know that I no longer have faith in your judgement. Too many errors on your part and a failure to judge your sister objectively. After I take King's Landing, I'll send you a message on when I want you to come to help settle Lannister matters."
"Your Grace, I…"
Daenerys interrupted, "I have other reasons."
She walked around the table to move closer to the window so she wouldn't have to look at him.
"You will make sure your brother stays in Winterfell. Your sister is lost and his punishment will be death if he tries to interfere. And, I need you to stay here to look after Lady Stark. Keep her company and keep her safe. You have my blessing to wed her, if she'll have you. You will make her happy."
"And if she refuses me?"
"Then you will help her find someone good. I know you won't let anyone near her that is undeserving."
"I wonder why you have not asked her to go with you to King's Landing. She has obviously become a very trusted friend."
Daenerys stiffened, recalling how she had done just that. She couldn't tell if Tyrion was trying to mock her or was merely curious about her decision. She turned to look at him. From the look on his face, Daenerys could tell he knew the true extent of her feelings for Sansa.
"Not so very trusted, Lord Tyrion. She plotted to have me killed."
She saw his face harden and he approached her slowly.
"And you know this how?"
"She confessed it to me last night."
"Surely she was in jest," he smiled, trying to laugh it off, but Daenerys could tell he was scared for Sansa.
"Please, do not worry yourself, Tyrion. No one will harm her," she said softly, and turned away from him. She could feel his eyes on her for a long time but she couldn't look at him.
"As I am still your Hand, it would be my duty to advise you that you open yourself up to more attacks by letting Lady Stark go unpunished. If word got out about this…"
"I doubt she or her sister will say anything. They were the only conspirators. Anyway, it's done. Lady Stark changed her mind, I'm still alive, and as you've seen she has worked to get the Vale, the Riverlands, and the rest of the northern houses to openly support me. You see, Lord Tyrion? I am not so inept at Westerosi politics after all." Daenerys's voice cracked at the end, the tears threatening to come.
"My Queen," Tyrion whispered, gently taking her hand in his. They stood that way for a few moments while she took the time to compose herself. When she looked at him again, he looked up at her with such love on his face. Not the romantic kind that she'd occasionally catch from him in the past, but the kind an adoring subject gives his queen. Daenerys appreciated it and smiled in return.
"I swear to you that I will be good to her, your Grace."
"I know you will, Lord Tyrion."
*::::*
Daenerys knew Sansa would be in the Godswood after the meeting. She walked slowly towards her and then stood next to her, regarding Sansa silently. Sansa showed nothing but that icy reserve.
"I keep thinking about the things you said in my bedchamber, some of the things that happened…" Daenerys softly said. "I wanted to say that I do believe that at least some part of it was real."
Daenerys closely observed Sansa's face. She hadn't turned to face her but Daenerys could see Sansa clench her jaw, how her breathing had gotten quick and shallow. But she did not speak.
"The fact of the matter is, I knew your initial overture of friendship was made with an ulterior motive. I knowingly engaged, thinking that I could also twist our encounters to my advantage. And we shared many honest moments; something true grew out of the subterfuge. Especially after that kiss in Winter town, you were changed towards me. I thought it was because I'd won your heart but I see now that I'd only won your mercy. And you didn't have to keep spending time with me but you did. Because our friendship was real. You supported me, you helped sway the lords towards me, you involved me in decision-making here, those were the actions of a friend. We both felt something… those nights together… the things that we shared with one another… But even so, it's all colored now by betrayal."
"Much of what happened between us I never intended at the start. It was all… unexpected," said Sansa quietly, without emotion.
"But your plot to kill me was intended," stated Daenerys.
With a sigh, Sansa turned her head towards Daenerys. Her eyes were soft and sorrowful. Daenerys hardened herself, her anger still too fresh. Her blood burned in her veins and she wanted to yell at Sansa again for ruining everything, for ruining what they had. If only Sansa hadn't said anything at all, she never would've known. This heartbreak would not be happening.
"Do you intend to harm me?" asked Sansa, an echo of what Daenerys had asked of her weeks ago.
"Do you wish for me to harm you?" asked Daenerys, her voice trembling.
Turning away, Sansa whispered, "I would deserve it."
"Yes, you would. I stand here waiting for you to convince me of some truth about how you feel but could I even believe the words? You know how I feel. Like an idiot, I declared myself to you thinking you felt the same, or something close to it. I can't even think of last night without cringing in shame at my hope for us."
Sansa didn't answer. Daenerys scoffed in exasperation, trying to will Sansa to fight her, to fight to preserve some sort of connection that would allow them to think of each other without regret. Because when she'd told Sansa how she felt, she saw it in Sansa's eyes, too. She felt it in her touch and on her lips. And if Sansa hadn't felt those things, she never would've confessed her betrayal. It had been in her best interest not to but she did it anyway. She put her life in Daenerys's hands. And in some strange, deluded way, that had only strengthened Daenerys's love for her.
But maybe she would be better off just hating her. She would marry Jon, rule Westeros, and forget all about the short weeks their friendship formed, blossomed into love, and then shattered.
She waited a few moments and when she concluded Sansa would not say the words she wanted to hear, she turned to leave.
"Your Grace," called Sansa.
Daenerys stopped and turned around.
"I know my words mean nothing to you now but I am truly sorry. I was wrong. So incredibly wrong. I hope someday you can forgive me," said Sansa, walked close to Daenerys, and reached out to take a hand in hers, and Daenerys let her. With both hands holding Daenerys's hand she continued.
"Your kingdoms need you. To be strong, to be just, to be the good queen I know you will be, to be the good woman I know that you are. May the Gods keep you safe in the wars to come. I…" Sansa broke off. The tears were welling in her eyes and Daenerys was tempted to pull her into an embrace, to tell her again how she felt. But Daenerys held her tongue before she said anything that took her off the path she had chosen.
Sansa let go of her hand and bowed her head, whispering, "Please stay safe."
Daenerys gave a curt nod and walked away without looking back.
*::::*
Once out of the Godswood, Daenerys was startled by a waiting Arya. She looked around to see if anyone else was nearby but they were alone.
Eyeing her warily, Daenerys said, "Do I still need to be on my guard with you, Lady Arya?"
"Always," smiled Arya eerily. "Not about that, though. She would never forgive me. But I wanted to ask you the same. Are my sister and I safe?"
"I could never harm her," she answered simply and turned to walk away.
"So that's it? That's how you're going to leave things between the two of you?" called Arya from behind.
Daenerys stopped but did not turn around. She waited for Arya to walk and stand in front of her.
"She loves you," whispered Arya.
Daenerys scoffed, her brow furrowing, warning Arya away from this topic.
"So now you're going to be a fool, too?" Arya asked in a scolding tone. "She may not have said it to you or to anyone else but I know my sister. And you know her, too."
"I've given my permission for Lord Tyrion to propose marriage. She will say yes."
"That may be true but she's not heartbroken over him. She's heartbroken over you."
"What do you expect me to do?" hissed Daenerys under her breath. "What you two did…"
"I understand that you're angry right now. What we did, or planned but didn't do, you are right to be furious. But you do realize why it didn't happen. Deep down, you know how she really feels and how you really feel. And when you're done taking your fury out on Cersei, you'll still feel it," said Arya. Then she surprised Daenerys by walking away.
"And where is your path taking you?" Daenerys asked, catching up to walk alongside her. They were now in view of others, moving through a busy courtyard.
"My plan was to kill Cersei. But these last weeks have shown me other things worth living for... I will go to King's Landing and fight for you. For her and for Jon," said Arya. Then she lowered her voice, "Just you be careful that I don't fall in love with you, too. Unlike the four of you, I don't share."
Daenerys fought the small smile that wanted to grow on her face. Arya was exasperating but she still liked her bluntness.
"Keep an eye on him. Jon will feel so out of place there."
"I know. And I will try," Daenerys replied.
"That reminds me," said Arya in a slightly sad tone. She grabbed Daenerys's arm and guided her to a small alcove. "I have a favor to ask."
"What is it?"
"Gendry. I mean, Lord Baratheon. He loves me. And I… well, I feel the same but I turned down his marriage proposal. He deserves better, he deserves a real lady. But he's not going to know how to fend off all the lords' daughters thrown his way. If he meets someone good, by all means give them your blessing, but…"
Daenerys scowled at her. She was tired of bending over backwards for these Stark women, of helping them with their lovers. Plus, this woman had been fully prepared to kill her. Why should she help her? Glaring at her, Daenerys could tell that Arya knew what she was thinking.
Arya returned her glare with a cold, defiant one. As if saying, 'are you going to help me or not?'
"If she's not worthy, you want me to intervene," Daenerys said under her breath. "Very well."
"Thank you," said Arya, her head bowing slightly. She turned to walk away but then stopped. Over her shoulder, she said, "You know, I wouldn't be talking to you right now if I didn't think she made the right choice. Forgive her. Grudges only harden hearts. I should know."
Daenerys watched Arya walk away and she sighed with a mixture of sadness and anger. She looked around at this place she'd gotten to know so well, another home that she couldn't have, yet she loved it still. Taking one more glance towards the Godswood, she then turned away and began walking towards where Missandei and Jon were waiting. It was time to leave.
A/N: Dedicated to late nights and "Gorecki" by Lamb on repeat.
I know that chapter was rough but the truth had to come out. Okay, two chapters left to rebuild what was shattered. We'll get there, Daensa fans. Thanks to everyone still following along.
Update will come at the end of next week.
:
Love: Sansa does overthink things too much, lol. Thanks for reading.
Jo: Haha, thanks. I love a good cliffhanger.
youko747: Thanks. Hope this chapter didn't disappoint.
Callie-G: Thank you. Glad you're enjoying it.
Michelle: Thank you. And I know what you mean, it's always frustrating as a reader to be left hanging, lol. But barring any life emergencies, I fully intend to finish this story.
0ww0: Cliffhangers are my bread and butter, lol.
