Sasuke
The night I cooked dinner was supposed to be a one time only thing, but Itachi somehow managed to rope me into cooking every night for the next few days.
At first it was a hindrance, but it was calming and I did actually enjoy it. Plus it gave me some semblance of privacy. I'd spent nearly all my free time alone for the past year and it was difficult to adjust to being around someone constantly. Spending time with Itachi used to be so easy- but that was when he still cared about me- and of course before I hated him. Now it was stressful and took up a lot of energy. I always had to be on my guard. I didn't really want him to see me as an angsty depressed teenager.
Which was difficult because I was an angsty depressed teenager. And trying to make him miserable, which I supposed wasn't exactly mature.
At first he'd watched me like a hawk whenever I picked up a knife, but now he was content to fade into the background on the other side of the room. I guess he thought as long as I was preoccupied with cooking, I wouldn't try to hurt myself.
And he was right. The urge was still there, but I was starting to get used to the idea that maybe life wasn't as hopeless as I thought. Being around Itachi gave me something worthwhile to do. Yeah, maybe mom would be less than thrilled with my life purpose being to torment my brother, but at least this way I could keep my promise to her.
And besides, Itachi knew me too well. He could predict exactly how I would act. He stayed with me because he didn't want me wallowing in my depression- which was, no doubt, exactly what I would be doing if I was alone for too long. It bothered me to no end that he could tear apart my life, and then walk back in like nothing had ever happened.
I put down the book I wasn't really reading and snuck a glance at Itachi. He was as elegant as ever, but he looked worn out, like he hadn't been sleeping. His hair was tangled as if he had been distracted while brushing it out. He had been; I'd been goading him at the time.
He looked tired. What if he got tired of me?
What was stopping him from leaving again? I may not have known exactly what had happened before, but I certainly wasn't making this easy for him. I wanted to make him as miserable as he had made me, but when I looked at him now some of my resolve broke down. What if it was too much? If I lost him again… I definitely wouldn't survive losing him again.
The phone rang, and Itachi got up to answer it.
"Hello?... Oh, right… Everything's fine… Yeah… Of course, that's not a problem… Bye." Itachi ended the call with a slightly disgusted look on his face.
"Who was it?" I asked.
"It was dad." He frowned. "Apparently he's not coming home anytime soon."
I swallowed. "What do you mean?"
"He's decided to stay abroad for the next few months, taking care of business in other countries. Things he put off while mom was sick."
"So you're stuck with me?" I forced myself to smirk but my heart sank when he nodded. There was no way Itachi wanted to be stuck with me. What if this extra pressure was too much?
Itachi went back to where he'd been sitting at the table at the other end of the room. Distancing himself from me. It was only a matter of time before things went back to the way they were. What then?
I put on my headphones and played my music, trying to drown out the horrible empty feeling welling in my chest, but the emotions just grew stronger.
Itachi stood up. "I'm going out for a bit. I need to pick something up from work," he said. He gathered up his files and went upstairs to put them away.
An icy feeling crept over me as I watched him leave the room. I knew he would be back soon, but I couldn't help but imagine how it would feel when really left me. This wasn't a permanent solution. It had been hellish the first time, when I'd had mom. Then the second time… I couldn't stand a third.
I grit my teeth. It shouldn't have affected me anymore. This time I hated Itachi. I should hate Itachi. But I just couldn't. That didn't mean I would ever forgive him though. He had no right to have such a deep hold on me. Especially when I didn't really matter to him. My eyes grew blurry with tears. I'd missed him so much, for so long. Having him pretend to care about me was worse than not caring at all- it was just putting off the inevitable. He couldn't pretend forever.
I stood up and rushed into the bathroom before he came back down. I closed the door, wiping at my tears. Why wasn't I good enough for him?
An aching void opened in my chest. I was worthless. I struggled to force my emotions back under control, but it was useless. I was useless. I swore. I was supposed to be doing better, but it was all too much. I couldn't take it.
I dragged my nails across my skin, leaving behind harsh red lines. It didn't do any good; it wasn't enough. I yanked the drawers open, searching for something- anything sharp enough to make the feeling go away.
Dammit, Itachi had done too good a job. I kicked the base of the sink in frustration, hardly feeling the pain.
I looked up at my face in the mirror. Tears were running down my cheeks, leaving behind ugly black lines. I was a mess. I was so fucking pathetic.
I slammed my fist into the mirror, shattering it. Pieces of glass crashed to the ground. This time I felt it as the shards sliced through my hand. Pain flooded my mind, bringing with it a sense of calm. I could finally think clearly.
I stared down at the blood beginning to drip down my fingers, and a sob escaped my lips. What had I done?
The next moment the door opened and Itachi was behind me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug.
"Shhh, you're alright. You're alright," he whispered., running a hand through my hair. I turned into him and grabbed his shirt, sobs coming freely. He rubbed my back and just held me while I cried.
"I'm sorry," I gasped at last. "I'm sorry I'm such a mess." I looked up at him and then flinched away when I saw the sadness in his eyes. Did he really hate dealing with me so much? But even so, I couldn't let him go.
"Are you alright now?" he asked as my sobs subsided.
"I'm fine." I hesitated for a moment, then took a deep breath and pushed him away, cheeks flushing. "I'm going to go cook now," I said.
"Your hand."
"It's fine."
He pursed his lips. "It's not fine. Sit down and let me take care of it."
I glared at him for a moment, but he clearly wasn't going to budge. I sat down on the edge of the tub and held out my hand. With gentle fingers, he cleaned and bandaged the cuts, and I couldn't help but enjoy the attention he was giving me. He was careful and attentive, and… oddly proficient.
When he finished, he turned my arm over and stared at the lines marring my pale skin. I tugged my hand away and frowned at him as he looked back at me, an unreadable expression on his face. I stood up, feeling self conscious, and headed to the closet to grab a broom.
We cleaned up the mess in silence. I kept sneaking glances at him, trying to figure out how he felt about all of this. He had to be disappointed, right? Frustrated? But his emotions were again hidden neatly behind a mask of indifference. I wondered if I'd ever figure him out.
Itachi dumped the last of the glass into the trashcan and brought the dustpan and broom back to the closet.
"You have to go now, right?" I asked. I still had to swallow down an uncomfortable feeling, but whether it was due to the pain, the crying, or Itachi's comforting, I didn't feel so lost anymore.
He pressed his lips together. "It can wait until later." I couldn't stop the wave of relief flooding through me. He wasn't leaving me, at least not yet. We walked back to the couch.
"Why don't we watch a movie?" Itachi asked. "Pick something you like." I blinked, caught off guard. He was letting me decide, just like that?
"Seriously?" I asked. He nodded. I narrowed my eyes, wondering what his angle was. He tossed me the remote and I turned on the TV, bringing up Netflix. Whatever he was thinking, I'd definitely take advantage of the situation. I scrolled through the options with a devious smirk, finally finding what I wanted.
"Alright, this is the one," I said triumphantly.
Itachi's eye twitched. "Sasuke… you can't be serious," he said as he studied the cover of a truly horrible looking romantic comedy. He glared at me. "I said pick something you like,"
I smirked. "How do you know I didn't?"
He pinched the bridge of his nose. "It says it's a 3% match for your tastes."
I shrugged. "I'm turning over a new leaf."
Itachi pursed his lips and I cackled inwardly, settling in for two hours of watching Itachi suffer.
Two hours later…
"That's it?!" I cried as the credits rolled. "That's such bullshit!"
Itachi snorted. "I see you weren't kidding about turning over a new leaf."
I snapped my mouth shut and glowered at him. "You didn't look bored either."
"I may have found a suitable source of entertainment." He gave me a pointed look, smirking slightly.
I grit my teeth and threw the remote at his head. He plucked it out of the air and set it down with a small smile. And when Itachi left for a meeting after dinner, I didn't feel so much like my heart was going to break.
