Sophia's Chronicles
Chapter 5: The Decision
I floated in a sea of ice, light as a feather. Emboldened by a sharp spear, ice and fire flowed through me at once. Every inch of me ached to release yet I was gripped without a moment of mercy. There were no boundaries in this game. In fact, the rule was to annihilate any sense of self. Thoughts and feelings shared the same highway, flowing freely from one court to the other. Power belonged to he who seized it. No competition could change his position, try as I might. Perhaps there was a point where a victory was conceded to me, but now the lines were blurred. The poor flower stood no chance when the serpent wanted its nectar. His hunger was too great, even for a feast that went on for infinity. I was conquered by a light so brilliant that I could do naught but let it sear my eyes. The pain did not hurt. The heat did not scald. The snow and the fire came together, hand in hand, melting and soothing each other – two opposites that could never repel. The great rain that followed after washed away all my woes, leaving me forever enslaved.
Now my vision was clearer than ever. Venus had risen, now high above us in the sky. Lucifer left marks that glowed a bright starlight in the shape of his lips on my face, on my neck, on my shoulders and on his reign went. With an intensity that could give me a frostbite, he left no inch of me spared. I winced with every attack, my fingertips shooting small specks of fire at times when I couldn't help it anymore. My body shivered from the very suggestion of his touch, a feature he exploited with those deviously-timed pauses.
When he finally showed leniency, we both cuddled in a thick grass bed of my making, where I could warm up lest appear as a blizzard of his making. My hand caressed his chest, feeling the grooves of his muscles. He stroked my back gently, a stark contrast to the assertive fierceness he'd been capable of mere moments earlier.
"Are you ready to tell me what was on your mind earlier?" I chanced a question.
"I.." he closed his eyes for a moment in thought, gulping as he searched for the words. "I went up to Him and asked Him why… why He wouldn't respond to my prayers anymore. Why He wouldn't come see us anymore. And He just said that He was busy working on other things, perfecting the equation of Life. And I said, 'But we miss you, Father. Heaven needs your guidance.'"
"And what did He say to that?" I probed, sitting up as he did the same. I leaned back onto my palms which were grounded on the grass.
"He said Heaven is doing fine under us. Basically He just wants us to keep running things without Him, which is what we've already been doing for ages. I tried to tell Him that that wasn't the point. That having Him here meant more than just… administration. I simply said that it would be nice to see Him once in a while, even if He wanted to do all this experimentation. I said, 'The apes will still be there when you get back.'"
"Hm."
"And He replied that He was working on something important and that it absolutely needed His attention. At this point, I was tired of hearing the same old same old," he sighed, rubbing an eye lazily. "Whatever. The Old Man wants to spend all day in the Garden and no one can show Him that its ridiculous. He'll realise it on His own soon enough."
"Don't say that," I derided. "Your father has some kind of plan. Let Him see it through. Maybe then He'll come back."
"He's been doing this for… how long? I don't see an end in sight. One day, we might even forget that He exists," Lucifer shrugged. I glared at him, clearly not standing for that kind of speech. "I'm sorry, okay? I'm just speaking my mind."
"You always do," I pointed out. "It's what I like about you," I admitted, revealing a guilty smile. That certainly lifted his mood. Then I remembered what I had to say. I took a deep breath, mustering the courage to bring it up. "I-" A squawking interrupted me. I turned to see a white dove perched on a branch. There was a message tied to its foot. Exchanging a puzzled look with Lucifer, I approached the bird, still bare from head to toe and claimed the message.
"What is it?" he asked, still seated.
My eyes scanned the words over a few times. "It's God," I answered. "He wants to see me."
"What about?" Lucifer questioned innocently. Just had to be a moment like this, didn't it?
"I think I have a clue," I simply said. Quickly wrapping my robes around me, I gave him a quick peck on the cheek before leaving.
Springtime heralded fresh life in the Garden of Eden when I arrived. The whole quality of this place was breath-taking. The sunlight was radiant, providing all life the great elixir of God's energy. All kinds of colours could be seen in the flowers, fruits and even little creatures that resided here. I saw then how determined God was in shaping a terrestrial species like us. I helped Him from time to time here, but I hadn't seen the completed product. He'd made some kind of home for them that closely resembled Heaven. Perhaps I had misjudged His plans after all. While I sauntered through this paradise, I whistled softly, summoning a little bird to my finger. I chuckled despite myself. It was as beautiful as the ones in Heaven, though probably not as celestial. It had a black-feathered back but a brilliant blue body and chirped a tune to impress me. Soon I was engaged in a conversation with my little friend using nothing but whistles.
The bird finally revealed that it thought it was seducing me by singing and I laughed out loud. And that's how I learnt that certain animals sang to each other to attract mates. "Better luck next time," I whistled in his language before he flew away. As I watched him fly in a circle around me, I too spun to watch him go. A pair of eyes caught my attention and I abruptly stopped. "Uncle," I blushed. He was leaning against a tree, eyes fixed on me in what I presumed to be an amused expression. "I didn't see you there," I flashed Him a coy smile. "I heard you called for me."
"I did," He beckoned me to approach. "I hope the events of last night didn't unsettle you too much."
"I would be lying if I said it didn't, Uncle," I weakly muttered.
He sighed, His face ridden with a heaviness. "I had not expected my sister to show up like this."
"It wasn't your fault," I said, though it didn't seem to ease His gloominess. My chest ached to see Him like this. "Mother does as She pleases."
He nodded, briefly pausing to let the solemnness pass. "Walk with me, child." He took me through the Garden, showing me what He'd done with the place.
The Garden was almost complete. It had practically every kind of edible fruit and vegetable as well as a variety of animal life. All that was missing was intelligence – several Earthly species were now so close to achieving first intelligence, and natural selection would ensure that one would eventually emerge as the winner. Several angels were placing their bets on the Neanderthals, but I didn't think their methods of communication were as sophisticated as those of the Homo Sapiens. Whoever comes out on top will eventually migrate to the Garden of Eden, as was what God had planned. It was definitely an interesting experiment, to try to replicate what God had achieved in Heaven on earth, but was it really so important that He had to neglect His own children? Thoughts of what Lucifer had said and how it had upset him made me feel uneasy.
"Sophia," God snapped me out of my thoughts. "I trust that Michael has told you about what I have planned."
"Yes, he has, Uncle," I affirmed, keeping my eyes fixed on the ground in case I gave too much away with a look.
"And have you thought about it?" He walked with His hands clasped behind His back, confident as the Creator of the universe.
"I… I would like some more time to think about it, if that is alright with you," I muttered.
He stopped in His path and so did I. Did I say something wrong? We now faced each other and He cupped my face with His palms, lifting it up so that I would be looking at Him. My fingers fidgeted with each other. I must have been visibly nervous. "If that is what you would like," He assented. "It is crucial that you participate willingly."
"I understand. I want to do the right thing, Uncle," I said sincerely.
"I know you do," He reassured me, thumb stroking my cheek. His eyes softened as He regarded me. "I want you to be happy, Sophia. I want the best for you. I know this arrangement may not seem like it, but I believe that you and Michael can keep each other happy and in doing so, safeguard the sanctity of both universes. War is… not always a good option. We must look for peace where we can find it." As if my shoulders weren't heavy enough already. We continued our stroll, my arm hooked around his elbow. Butterflies greeted us and reptiles emerged from cover to gaze at us. It was quite the welcome. "I also summoned you here for a little surprise," He broke the silence. I loosened my posture a little, not wanting to look uncomfortable. "Do you recognise that tree over there?"
He pointed to a lone tree standing on a hill with a gradual gradient. It was large, fertile with leaves and fruits and a sturdy bark. I recognised her as I would my own face. "It's my Tree of Knowledge," I identified proudly. "Look at how she's grown."
"She's beautiful," He complimented. My heart fluttered at His words. "And I think she is the most important thing in this Garden. And I'm not just saying that."
"How do you mean, Uncle?" I dared ask.
"I was studying this tree that you created for me, some time ago, and I was intrigued by its properties," He began, gesturing at the tree with a hand. "You see, it bears your mark in a manner I've never seen in anything else you've created. Your essence flows through it like the life-giving blood in many a creature on earth. That puts it in a unique category of life-form. I've thought about the implications of having such an organism here and whether it would serve the purpose of the Garden and for a while, I really wrestled with the question. Then, it occurred to me that its purpose was perhaps most vital of everything here." My head tilted. I didn't understand anything. He led me by the hand to the tree, showing me the plump, red apple that had been borne on a branch.
"Now I too wonder what purpose it could possibly serve," I thought out loud, perhaps with a tinge of disappointment. I wasn't sure that what He said reflected well on what I'd created.
"When the intelligent species arises, they will move into this Garden and be granted eternal life. They will live among us as we learn more about them," He went on. "This tree… it is a test of faith for them."
"A test of faith?" I gulped. "Are you not pleased with my contribution?"
"Of course I am," He said. "Think about what this means for this fledgling species. They've only recently acquired intelligence and just begun to grasp the world of ideas. And the most important of them is… faith. If they can avoid eating the fruit of this tree and gaining the knowledge of good and evil – as I will bid them – we'll know they truly deserve a place among us, which as I hear from Lucifer, is a big concern."
It was heart-warming to know that He considered what Lucifer had to say, but something didn't connect for me. "But Uncle," I interjected at the risk of sounding rude. "I thought you wanted them to be like us? How can they do that without knowledge of good and evil?"
God gave me a patient smile. He had always been so tolerant of my questions, and I asked a lot of those. "Ask yourself, my beautiful niece, what it means to be like us. I think you will find that there is a lot about us that are worth replicating in this terrestrial species. But Knowledge is not tantamount to Wisdom, like it is within you. Perhaps the only wisdom this species may be permitted is one to reject the responsibility that comes with knowledge."
"The responsibility that comes with knowledge…" I repeated under my breath, considering each word carefully.
"The burden of choosing what is right, even when there is a wrong one," He elaborated. "It may be easy for us, but perhaps not so for this species that has only begun to develop true thought."
"Knowledge is a power that must be handled carefully, not a toy to be handed to a toddler. So you would rather they remain blissfully ignorant," I paraphrased, thinking through each word.
"Exactly. I knew you would understand," He gently squeezed my shoulder. "They will come here, feed on anything they want and make merry. They will be like our children."
I was dumbfounded. I hadn't even thought about it that way. Being the Keeper of Knowledge, finding out things that were typically kept secret from those who didn't need to know them was second nature to me. Protecting information and secrets was what I did and I should have expected that other people – or other species, rather – wouldn't necessarily see it that way. Yet I was troubled by the thought of the Knowledge of Good and Evil itself becoming a taboo to this species. What I'd said to Lucifer earlier came back to me. What He's doing there doesn't matter anyway.
"Oh, before you leave," He snapped me out of my thoughts. "I have a job for you. My writing sessions with Metatron have concluded. The information we've penned down is far too important for anyone's eyes. Can I trust you to hide these tablets in obscure locations on Earth?"
"Of course. It is my duty, after all," I swore. "I won't let you down."
"Good," He beamed. "I will have the Secretary deliver the tablets to you at once."
I returned to my house, comforted by the familiarity of its sight. At the entrance I saw an angel peering into the doorway with several bundles in his hands. "You must be Metatron," I said, and the angel turned around.
"Yes, that would be me," he greeted. "I bring the Word of God, which I must say, is really important information."
"I am aware," I sighed, suppressing the urge to roll my eyes. This is my job, you idiot.
"It absolutely cannot be privy to anyone outside the three of us," he warned.
"Do you question my abilities as Heaven's Keeper?" I snapped at him. For an angel, he had a mouth on him.
"Oh I wouldn't dream of it," he remarked in a questionable tone. Before I could press him on his manners, he continued, "May I be of assistance to you on your journey?"
"That will not be necessary," I refused as politely as I could. "May I ask, what is on the tablet?"
"Unfortunately, it is not within my jurisdiction to reveal that to you, m'lady," he scoffed with a self-confidence whose origin I couldn't quite place.
"I am the Archangel of Wisdom, the Keeper of Knowledge. Surely you are allowed to tell me," I asserted, growing impatient.
"Not to sound rude, ma'am, but I only take orders from the big man Himself, and He may choose to keep as many secrets as He wills. You don't actually think He would want to reveal to anyone all the mysteries of the universe?" the angel derided. "Especially someone like yourself?"
"What do you mean 'someone like myself'? Mind your tongue, minion, or I will see to it that you regret being so bold," I threatened.
"I am the scribe of God, so I severely doubt that. I know how He thinks and the burdens that plague Him. You should feel ashamed of bringing the wrath of His sister upon angelkind during the Feast. One joyous occasion we have in several years, and this is the first time we have been so troubled like this! You should say yes to Michael and take your rightful responsibility of restoring peace to the House of God," the imp dared say. I held my tongue. Is this really what the angels thought? "I came here to drop these off, and I have gotten something off of my chest. I hope you do consider what I have said."
I blankly stared at the pile of tablets for a moment, not moving from my spot. Was this really all the credit I got for the things I'd done for Heaven, my home? Admittedly, I was heartbroken. For so long, I'd thought it only mattered what the archangels and God thought of me, for they were my immediate family. I'd never given much thought to the angels' opinion of me, not that I ever thought they had those. But if they really saw me as a danger to their home, it wasn't right for me to take away this safety from them. In a way, they were my home too and I couldn't carry on not caring about them anymore. Carrying the tablets in my arms, I flew to earth to complete my mission.
Earth didn't suffer from a lack of crevices, pits, craters, what have you. The trick, however, was to estimate the movement of tectonic plates over millions of years and find a spot which remains relatively unchanged. I needed to use angel warding sigils and spells to protect the tablets so I had to find places that would be resistant to damage.
The whole mission took several days. I had briefly scanned the entire Earth for inconspicuous and stable locations previously, but getting into those places was a whole different journey. For one, I had to avoid the patrolling angels and fly in secrecy so that no angel would even be aware that I was on a mission to Earth. Admittedly, this was the fun part. I always had a knack for being stealthy. Gabriel may have taught me a few tricks but I can confidently say that even he wasn't able to catch me a few times when we trained in the forest. Once I had entered my selected location, which was more often than not deep in the Earth's lithosphere, I had to set up the angel warding in a very specific geometrical orientation such that it protected the tablet.
Then I ascended to the highest point of Earth and performed a spell to bind the locations of these objects to each other, forming a giant Earth wide pattern so that their movements could be tracked. This way, I would know if the pattern binding them was broken, indicating that the tablets were in danger. When I completed this, I heaved a sigh of relief and remained where I was, staring at the majestic mountain peaks surrounding me. Now for the difficult task of making a decision, I thought. I couldn't remain here forever.
I flew back to my residence in Heaven and went straight for the balcony, where I'd placed some chairs and a table for when I would enter periods of contemplation while staring into the far-reaching plains and the horizon. What I didn't expect, in all my brooding, was to find Lucifer already waiting for me there. I froze at the doorway to the balcony, unsure of what to say. He was silent, and clearly aware of my presence, so I just took a seat next to him anyways. We both silently stared at the setting sun for a while, until he decided to break the silence. "I thought I'd go back to my office to clear my head from all this 'monkey business'," he began. It made me nervous to think where he was going with this. "And then I hear Michael, of all people, talking of marriage. Sophie, why is my brother talking of marriage?"
"I meant to tell you earlier. I'm… sorry," I apologised. "God thinks that this will appease my Mother and keep the peace between our two worlds."
"So?" Lucifer challenged, evidently upset. His fist was clenched as it rested on the coffee table between us. "You would sell your heart just to appease someone else?"
"I don't know!" I snapped at him. He jerked his head towards me, surprised by my outburst. I was surprised too. I hadn't expected to feel so deeply about it. "I can't make up my mind," I whimpered. "Can't you see… that I don't know what to do?"
I supposed that soothed him somewhat. A moment of silence passed between us before he said, "Why exactly is this even an option?"
"As opposed to plain violence and suffering, this is more feasible," I tried to explain. "God thinks it would be a good idea to work out a truce rather than go to war."
"Sounds a lot like the other 'good ideas' He's had recently," he grumbled. "We shouldn't be giving in to Amara. Not after what She's done to you. Especially not after She's openly threatened war."
"God says that war isn't always a good option and that we must find peace where we can," I argued, simply trying to put things in perspective.
"As someone who's been to war, I can say that you don't negotiate with openly hostile people. It just doesn't work," Lucifer rebutted. "Frankly, it surprises me that Father hasn't thought of that."
"You don't know that He hasn't."
"Then why doesn't He act like it?!" he criticised passionately. I would be lying if I said his demeanour didn't unnerve me a little. He wasn't the type to get so frustrated. His typical wit and charm seemed to escape him in that moment, though I could not hold it against him. This really bothered him, evidently.
Perhaps I could restore his faith in some measurable way. "When I went to see Him today, you know what He told me? He considered your concerns about the apes. He even said…" I hesitated, not knowing whether or not to share His plan seeing as my own feelings on the matter were ambiguous. But it was too late, since Lucifer was already looking at me expectantly. "He said that there would be a test of their faith. To prove that they are worthy of attention. They simply have to avoid the Tree of Knowledge."
"Isn't that the tree that you made?" he accurately pointed out. Dammit.
"It is, but that's not the point," I diverted.
"How does it make you feel?" his hand reached for mine, presumably out of concern.
"I don't know," I tried shutting him off before I said something I didn't mean.
"How can you not know?" he pressed, not letting it go. "What, do I have to open up your heart for you and peer inside? It's a simple question."
"Nothing about these times is simple," I shot back. "Now will you just listen to me?" He quietened down, leaving me the silence. "Clearly, He has heard your concerns about the importance of this terrestrial species and wants to prove their worth to you. Isn't this what you wanted?"
"Not really," he stood his ground. "I tell Him that He should spend more time with us, not them. And what's He gone and done? He wants to justify the unnecessary time He spends with them by trying to prove me wrong somehow. Am I supposed to be okay with that?"
"But He's trying," I insisted. "Will you just give Him the benefit of the doubt? He is your father."
"Whatever," he dismissed. "But I hope you see it too. How He's losing it. This marriage nonsense between you and Michael… it must be a symptom of some kind of divine insanity."
"Lucifer!" I admonished. "That's enough of that! You cannot keep speaking about Him like that."
"If He has a problem with it, maybe He should come and tell me to shut up," he dictated. Then, releasing a deep exhale, he relaxed a little. "I don't mean to be so… derisive. I just don't feel like He cares. I used to know it in my heart that He does but now… it's not so obvious anymore."
He squeezed my hand, rubbing the back of my palm with a thumb. "You cannot be so faithless. Not after the responsibilities He has entrusted in you and the rest of us. Maybe the reason He doesn't feel the need to check up on us so often is that He believes in our capabilities," I reasoned. "It would be wise to reciprocate that faith."
"I want to…" he mumbled. "But you cannot accept this proposal."
"How can I not?" I snivelled. "I'm not saying it's something I absolutely want, but it's clear that everyone else wants me to. The only one who would be totally fine with me saying no is you!"
"Isn't that enough for you?" his eyes begged me to listen. "What about us? Our vows? You swore to me, Sophia-"
"I know what I did," I cut him off. I pulled my hand away, standing up and folding my arms as I paced around the balcony. "This isn't just about us anymore. All of Heaven is my family and I have to think about them too. I cannot live with myself if I've disappointed everyone else for the selfish pleasure of our love." His crimson gaze accused me of hurt, so I turned away to avoid being burnt by it. "The answer is clear to me now. I must tell God." I took off quickly without giving Lucifer a chance to reply. He came after me and tried to stop me but I couldn't let him. I was scared that if I let him speak, he would convince me to be true to my feelings for him and I couldn't let that get in the way of what the universe deserved.
The Creator was at His desk when I arrived at the open doors to His office. "I'll do it," I declared, attempting to bury my heart with every word. "You have my consent."
God set His quill down, studying me. "I object, Father!" Lucifer exclaimed as he entered. Way to be subtle, fruitcake. "I have a problem with this decision."
God's gaze simply flickered between the both of us. "You've been having a lot of those as of late, son," He quipped as He beckoned us to enter. "Tell me, young man, what is your objection?"
Clearly, Lucifer was expecting a little more resistance. He was almost unsure of how to respond, but as usual, he was crafty at spewing nonsense when the time called for it. "We cannot give in to someone who only understands force. Why should we scapegoat both Michael and Sophia for a truce that will never work?" he boldly asserted.
"You wish for me to fight my own sister?" God questioned. This was the point where a normal person would shut up and listen to Him. Obviously, Lucifer was far from normal.
Lucifer threw his hands up in exasperation. "When has She ever acted like a sister to you? You've always forgiven Her and let Her go, as though this cycle would ever end. But has it ever? I doubt that even a universal truce would satisfy Her."
I tried to hush him to no avail. Lucifer said what he wanted to say. I hesitantly turned to God, afraid of what I might find. Yet, God seemed to be lost in thought. Was He actually buying it? "Leave, both of you," He ordered. "I need to think."
