Sophia's Chronicles
A/N:
Hey guys, I'd like to thank you all for your support so far. To be honest, I've been quite nervous about the chapters that follow this one, because I'll be writing from the perspectives of many different characters, not just Sophia's. Due to her leaving the universe, there is a huge mess left behind in her absence and the chapters to come will focus a lot on how the characters we all know and love deal with it, especially Zara and the Winchesters. Hope I can make it work :)
Chapter 42: The Answer To Life, The Universe and Everything
(Zara's POV)
Clarksburg, West Virginia – 17 July 2011, 4.13pm
The uncomfortable sensations of being physically aware of one's surroundings came to her as quickly as light filled Zara's vision. She could feel her feet standing firmly on the forest ground and the tightness in her shoulders. She was completely human again, no archangel in her. For a moment she couldn't believe it. It had felt so much more peaceful when Sophia was in control, though the last few hours were dark as Sophia didn't want her to see whatever was going on outside. It had felt disorienting, to be aware of being in one place one time and then waking up the next in a completely different environment without a clue of how much time had passed. At least she felt at rest during those hours that her awareness was blocked from the outside world.
And then she remembered. "Oh my God, Luc," she began sobbing quietly. She slowly knelt and curled up on the ground, the pain in her chest bursting like she had been stabbed. "My poor baby," she whispered with quivering lips. She wanted to hold him right then in her arms and give him kisses and tickle him. Everything would have been right in the world then. But it was all taken from her in an instant. Her beautiful son, offered as a sacrifice when Khaos stripped away from the Earth everything Sophia had cared about. Her fists clenched and she rocked back and forth when she thought about the injustice of it all. "He's not dead, he's not dead," she quietly repeated to herself like a mantra. It was true, she knew that, but simply saying it made her feel a little better. Then she realised that he was an angel so he could hear her prayers. Desperately, she clung onto the hope that he could hear her and she made a small prayer to him. She wiped the tears from her cheeks, knelt on the forest ground and clasped her hands. "Luciel, my child, my love, if you can hear me, I love you," she swallowed the tears away and continued. "I miss you and I love you. I pray that you will come back to me. I pray that you are safe, wherever you may be." She prayed to God next, though she knew it was probably futile.
Realising that she couldn't spend all her life on the forest ground, she stood up. Zara turned around slowly, observing the trees around her. They were almost evenly spaced out with tall, lean barks and needle-like leaves hanging from the branches. Where the hell am I? It would have been helpful if Sophia had given her directions. And why did Sophia drop her off in a damn forest if she wanted Zara to go to the nearest city? A sense of hopelessness filled Zara as she wondered how she would get out of here. Where even was the nearest main road? Sighing heavily, she chose a random direction and decided to walk as long as it took to find civilization.
As she walked and felt the exertion in her leg muscles like it was something new, she contemplated her mission – find Lucifer his old vessel. How the hell was she supposed to do that in the middle of nowhere? She wanted to silently curse Sophia but she knew the archangel could probably hear her. Maybe she should just call Lucifer. Her heart palpitated. After what had happened between Sophia and Lucifer, he was probably mad and she didn't want to know what Satan was like when he was mad. Maybe she would wait a while before doing that. What about the Winch- No, I shouldn't. That wasn't even an option. After what happened the last time, she wasn't going to do anything to jeopardise the trust between her and Sophia. She made her choice in that nightclub when she slit that woman's throat – humanity was beneath her. She chose the archangel. Now she had to live with it. It was going to be tough, no doubt, to live up to Sophia's demands, but Zara thought it worthy. This was her destiny.
A scream pierced through the air. Zara gasped and froze in her step. Her fingers trembled as she slowly turned to the direction of the scream. A deadly silence thundered as her eyes stared blankly through the trees. That's when she spotted it. It was a tiny brown fleck in her vision but she recognised it to be a wooden cabin. How typical – something horrible happens in a deserted cabin in the woods where no one can hear your screams for miles. Every instinct in her told her to carry on her way to find the main road, but there was that sneaky voice in her head that told her to go near it. Don't be stupid. What if it's a serial killer? Zara rummaged the bag Sophia gave her and surely enough, she found the archangel blade. The only bit of protection that Sophia had left with her, along with the hawk artefact which she wasn't completely sure how to use. At least Lucifer had taught her how to wield the blade, though only briefly. Alarm bells going off in her head, Zara slowly approached the cabin, skirting around it to look through the windows in the back.
The sound of slicing and oozing reached her before the sight. She recognised those sounds and it made her shudder. Someone was being murdered. She suddenly found it difficult to breathe easy and struggled to keep silent. Slowly, she approached the window and peeked in, which had a clear view of the living room and door. Light flooded in from the open door to reveal a large sheet of plastic on the floor, stained heavily with the blood of the victim. Zara recognised the scene from the many crime novels she'd read as a teenager – this was a neatly set up kill room. The poor woman looked to be in her mid-forties, with auburn hair and pale skin. Multiple stab wounds appeared on her chest and blood oozed out from them, forming pools on the clear plastic. And kneeling over her dead body was a man with dirty blond hair and leather gloves, holding a bloody knife. Zara stifled a gasp. It was him – the old vessel. Was he possessed? Did Lucifer already find him? No, that can't be. Lucifer wouldn't go through the trouble of setting up a kill room. This… this was all him.
So this was why Sophia dropped her here. Sophia knew she would find him here. But Sophia had failed to mention that the guy was in the middle of murdering someone. Didn't Sophia know that most humans don't want to be seen killing other people? Zara knew she had to talk to him, but fear overcame her that he would be unwilling to talk in this particular context. She had her blade, sure, but he was bigger than her and she hadn't trained in a while so her limited knife-fighting skills would not be reliable enough to take him. She thought it best to watch from afar and wait for him to leave before following him and finding out where he lived. Zara took a step back. A twig crunched under her foot. "Shit," she muttered sharply under her breath. Her eyes moved back to the window. The man was now looking at her with icy blue eyes.
Berating herself for cursing out loud, she turned heels and sprinted. It wasn't long before she heard the thumping of his footsteps towards her. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," she cursed outwardly as she looked around her for somewhere to hide. Conveniently, a large dilapidated warehouse came into view. She ran through the open rusty doors and wished her eyes would hurry in adjusting to the darkness. Rows of shelves, boxes and other strange items came into view and Zara wasted no time in hiding behind several shelves, putting distance between herself and the door. Through the gap between two dusty boxes she saw a dark silhouette at the door. He cast a long, intimidating shadow on the open space near the entrance of the warehouse. "I know you're here," he said into the darkness. Zara began to quiver at the sound of his voice, which seemed to mask an underlying evil. It was the same voice she'd heard when Lucifer had first found her.
He took a few steps in, looking around. "I just want to talk," he said as he began walking down an aisle between two rows of metal shelves. Then he stopped, as though he had found something of intrigue. Dark as it was, his keen eyes made out a small woman-sized footstep in the dust and he followed the trail. Seeing that he was onto her, she slowly crept through the darkness again, going towards the entrance this time in hopes of making a break for it. "I'm sure we can reach an agreement," he continued to talk, as though any sane person in this situation would believe what he had to say. He drew closer and Zara panicked, moving ahead as fast and quietly as she could without turning back to see where he was.
The door was so close. She could see its light streaming through the stacked shelves and saw an opening where there was a gap between a shelf and the wall adjacent to the door. Zara hurried towards it, not realising that the footsteps had stopped. Just as she turned the corner to run out the front door, strong arms grabbed her from behind and spun her around to push her up against the wall. Their eyes met properly for the first time as his left hand clamped over her mouth and his right pressed a knife against the base of her neck. He was ready to slice her throat but recognition flashed in his eyes. A small frown creased his forehead as he saw the panic in her soulful brown eyes. "You?" he asked.
His arms released her and he took a step back. Zara took in heavy, deep breaths, silently grateful that she didn't have to hold her breath anymore. "Yes, it's me," she spoke in between breaths.
"You're not… possessed?" he asked, waving his knife in the air. "I don't want to hurt you."
"That's a relief," she replied dryly. "Because it would suck if you did."
"How did you find me? Why are you here?" he began bombarding her with questions.
"It's a long story. Can we talk somewhere else? Preferably without knives?" she requested.
He paused, considering her response. His eyes studied her face, which he had only known through Lucifer's eyes. She was the vessel of Lucifer's beloved and during the time they had spent together he had seen the absolute fondness that Lucifer had for her. Both of them had a strange history. In that moment, that was reason enough for him to trust her. "I suppose we can," he replied. "But first, I need to dispose a body. Care to help?"
(Sophia POV)
Aphelia's Arch, Edge of The Universe – Unspecified Time in Space
Once more I found myself before the golden gate to the Void. Everything I'd come to know now stood behind me. In this moment, I was unbearably alone but this was the path I had chosen. My heart still ached with grief and loss. If anything, this strengthened my resolve to find something of worth to avenge what had been done to my son and salvage whatever remained of me. Hesitation gnawed at me as I thought of Lucifer. I was doing this for him too. Uncertainty about the future looming over my head, I stepped into the arch and felt the chaotic mess of the Void envelop me.
I was now part of a place separate from the two universes. A completely new realm. I had said my goodbyes to my home and my vessel. A coldness filled me, making me feel numb. I didn't come here to be comfortable, or feel validated. I came here for penance and answers. In all my life, being away from my home in Illinois and Lucifer was the greatest punishment I could think of. With the Void, I was taking it one step further and leaving my universe. It felt scary to think of leaving a place so familiar to me, despite the hardships I'd endured there. With a hardest of hearts, I trudged through the darkness to find the familiar door. Eventually, I found it and entered the place they called the Omniverse – Khaos' office.
"It's about time you showed up," His smug smile greeted me. I groaned internally.
"Khaos Delta," I greeted the lean, muscular figure made of shiny black goo. He was illuminated by the light coming from several screens all around us depicting incidents in various universes.
"Come to accept our offer?" His tone was so jovial that I would have strangled Him right there and then if I could.
I crossed my arms, unwilling to reciprocate his enthusiasm. "I want to see my son first," I demanded. "Bring me to him."
Delta made a hissing sound as His head shrunk back. "I'm afraid that's not allowed," He said. "Sorry."
"What?" I snapped at Him. "What do you mean that's not allowed? It's just one visit!" I had been able to exist in the matter universe as an 'imbalance' all this while, so why wouldn't it be allowed for me to see my son in the antimatter universe?
"The balance has just been restored. If you try to disturb it again, there will be cosmic consequences," Delta explained. Sounded like a load of crap to me. "Now can we move on to matters of your stay with us?"
My eyes stung with tears. For a moment there I was filled with hope of seeing my little one again. Now I was stuck here with the realisation that that was probably never ever going to happen. No, I will find him. I must. Blinking away the tears, I replied with gritted teeth, "I just want my answers. Why is this happening?"
"Be patient, Sophia. You won't get anything by rushing. The only way this goes down is quid pro quo."
A momentary hesitation gripped me. "Alright. What are we talking?"
Khaos carefully laid out His proposal to me. I hated this. He wanted me to be His soldier, carrying out the duties I normally did but in various other universes in the multiverse. Erasing information, destroying banks of dangerous knowledge, restoring balances, annihilating false prophets – all this I would have to do discreetly, undetected, and by His methods. He would point me where I had to go, and I had to unquestioningly follow His orders. "What's the point, then," I began. "Of having me? Anyone can follow blind orders."
"Oh, Sophia, always so cynical," He sighed. "You follow my orders, yes, but it is your perspective and your expertise that I need. But if I was being totally honest…" his long, thin fingers grasped my hand. "You really are special to me. I just want to take care of you." His grip on my hand tightened. I shuddered internally. "But be warned: if you choose to do this, you may not be allowed to leave except for when I allow you to. It's all part of the learning experience."
I struggled momentarily to be free of his grasp but I managed to pull my hand away. A deep breath escaped my lips. I cleared my throat. What a huge decision. He practically wanted to hold me prisoner. At the back of my mind, however, I somehow remained confident that there would always be a way out – my life thus far had been evidence of this. I hoped I could trust my own capabilities and wit. After all, what would be more worth my skills than the pursuit of the truth behind what happened and finding out what happened to my kid? "Where do I start?" I asked, heart sinking despite the prior reassurance I gave myself. Maybe this was a bad idea.
"I have some work for you, yes. We'll start with some basic stuff so that you can get used to how things work around here," He replied, keeping His observant expression fixed on me. I was waiting for Him to give me a more detailed description, but it never came.
"I'm ready to begin," I declared, though uncertainty filled me.
"Great," He opened His arms as though to embrace me. I desperately hoped not. "You have no idea how long I've waited for this moment. We were always meant to be, Sophia. I hope you can see that now."
Ever since, I'd been observing Khaos as He went about His business through the screens in the omniverse. I thought being a mere observer would be an easy position, but what He had me witness was far more horrifying than I'd expected. He showed me the creation of universes, but He also showed me how they were destroyed. Nothing compared to the sight of all that matter or antimatter, all that information, being decimated like it was nothing. From my perspective, all of creation was special in its own way, holding infinite potential for what it could become. But from what Khaos showed me, creation and destruction were merely on-and-off switches to Him. And this terrified me. It was too much power.
During all this time, I missed home terribly. Being in the Void, alone with Khaos, it was lonely. All my other alternate selves seemed to be on missions of their own so I never saw them – at least that's what Khaos told me. I was always suspicious of everything that He said about them. With His weird fixation on me, I couldn't tell what His deal was. He acted like He cared for me, but I could sense that there was something underneath that amorphous skin that He hid well. It made me wary of Him. For so long, I only had the stark blackness of the walls, the floor and energy of the Void and Omniverse. Sure, I roamed free in this space, but it felt like a prison all on its own. I wasn't allowed to leave unless it was with Khaos so I preferred the quiet solitude of the Omniverse, where I could simply stare out the windows at the various universes.
Every day I thought about what I'd left behind. My friends, my lover, my enemies – such a wholesome life I'd had there. It seemed so colourful in my memory. I had an aching love for all of it, including what I hated. In fact, the more I stayed in the Void, the more I realised that those who I had considered my enemies – Raphael, Castiel, the Winchesters – were also valuable to me. More than anyone, they had reacted to my presence. In their minds, I was there, doing something of significance to them. In the great tango which was our antagonism, I had lived and grown and won and lost. This I missed here in the Void. The grey, unforgiving, alien, lonely, mocking space of the Void. I couldn't even consider Khaos to be a person who showed emotion – it was all just words to me. I could tell that He tried to connect with me but I was too dead on the inside to reciprocate anything. I lost track of how much time passed here.
Then I truly wondered if this was really the right choice. Perhaps it wasn't best to have made such a drastic decision in a moment of grief. But there was little I could do about it now. Just thinking about seeing Lucifer again made me twitchy and uncomfortable. What would it be like to be among all those colours again? I would feel like an outsider again, now that I was used to the greyness of the Void, right? And then one day I had the chance to find out.
(Zara's POV)
Clarksburg, West Virginia – 17 July 2011, 6.10pm
Zara's legs were aching by the time they reached the car. It was parked at a diner ten minutes away from the national park, which was in turn a long walk from the forest. On top of that, they had spent an hour or so disposing of a messy corpse. This guy really knows how to cover his tracks, she thought. Did that make her scared of him? She still wasn't sure. All she knew was that he could have killed her if he wanted to, but he didn't and that had to be a good sign. She looked at his dashboard while he popped into the diner to get them some food. They would have just eaten there, but a diner full of people wasn't really a conducive environment to talk about being the vessels of archangels or murder openly. The dashboard was plain, undecorated, like there was no personality to be shown – or rather, he didn't want to show anything of his personality. A quick peek in the glove box revealed some ordinary items, like cigarettes, music CDs, receipts. Again, nothing of import. Black Sabbath. Cool, she thought as she inspected a CD.
She quickly closed the glove box when he got back into the driver's seat and handed her a bag with take-away. "I don't think we've been properly introduced. I'm Nick," he said blankly as he turned the key in the ignition. "You're Zara, right?"
"Yes and I'm surprised you remember anything at all," Zara confessed. The smell of warm pasta wafted from the bag on her lap and for a moment that was all she could think of. Then her mind returned to why she was here and she realised she just needed to get something out of the way. "Um so… back there, you were… well…" she stammered.
"Stabbing someone. Yes, I know," he acknowledged. "But you didn't take to that as badly as I thought. Most people freak out when they see that much blood. And most people certainly wouldn't have helped me hide a body. So you must have some… experience, right?"
Zara thought back to all the times Sophia had brutally murdered people. And then the time when she slit someone's neck herself with Sophia egging her on. "Yeah," she nodded. "You could say that." Suddenly she realised she didn't have to feel so uneasy anymore. They were just two killers hanging out and talking openly about their experience. Killer. Now it seemed so absurd to think of herself as one. I am a killer, she repeated in her mind slowly, trying to reflect on what that meant for her. Whatever she concluded, she knew then that she could lower her defences with Nick for the time being.
Nick stole a glance at her as he drove down the highway. She simply stared ahead into the distance, a sombre look on her face. Whatever she was thinking, she seemed to be overwhelmed or concerned, not deceptive. Her soft gaze held no ulterior motive, he could tell. "So how long has it been?" he asked. "When did the angel leave you?"
"Just moments before I saw you," she answered honestly. "She told me she had to go and that I had to find you." She expected him to probe her about why Sophia wanted her to seek him out.
"Wow, you're holding it together a lot better than I did," he chuckled. "You sure you're okay? I was in a daze for hours when Lucifer left me."
Zara was touched by his concern. "Yeah, I think I'll be fine. This isn't the first time she's left me." She didn't bother to elaborate. She looked out the window, observing the scenery change from trees to buildings.
"Oh," he paused. "So you said she wanted you to find me?"
Zara looked back at him for a moment. His blond hair, his stubbled jaw, his broad shoulders – it was his face that she had seen first when it all changed for her. He was the very vision of her destiny to be among divine beings. She didn't know how she felt about that yet. But what she did feel was a heaviness in her soul. Her mind still wandered back to Luc inevitably and she thought she would break into tears again.
"Hey, are you alright?" Nick asked again, noticing the tears build up in her eyes.
She rubbed the tears from her eyes. "No," she admitted. "I'm sorry, I just… I need some time."
Nick's eyes held a sympathy as he saw the discomfort in her demeanour. She looked really vulnerable, her shoulders drooping and her arms hugging the food close to her body protectively. A murderer though he was, he wasn't incapable of understanding what she was feeling – he had been in pretty low places before too. And if anyone deserved his empathy, it was this girl who had been the vessel of an archangel just like he had. "Sure," he replied. "Take all the time you need."
The rest of the drive was filled with silence. Zara's gaze didn't waver from the road. She felt detached, unable to feel her own self anymore. Her head passively leaned against the headrest as Nick drove into town and parked near his apartment building. Zara recognised it – it was the same one he had in that alternate reality when Sophia was trying to find him. So that's why Sophia chose to drop her off here. The walk from the parking lot to the elevator and eventually into the apartment was just a blur to her. Maybe she was going into a daze like what Nick suggested. Her attention was brought back to reality when a hot plate of pasta was set before her on the table. She snapped out of her daze and looked around, suddenly realising that she didn't remember entering the apartment and sitting down. She looked up and saw Nick's cold, dead eyes staring back at her. She muttered thanks and took a gulp of water before beginning on her plate of food.
Nick watched silently as she gobbled down her food eagerly. He wasn't surprised at all; it was like seeing what exactly he went through when he woke up in Detroit in a dilapidated apartment. He was dazed and confused at first, and then he was glad he still had a wallet full of cash. But that was all he had on him. He had woken up in a room full of dead people without a clue of what he was supposed to do with his life next. He silently cursed Lucifer for leaving him alive and grudgingly went out for a heavy meal. Nothing beat the hunger of a vessel who was discarded by an angel.
"So what happened to you?" Zara asked meekly. The comfort of warm food filling her stomach put her at ease momentarily. "After Lucifer left, I mean. How did you end up here?"
"It was rough," Nick replied in between gulps. He sat across the table from her. "I moved around here and there. Did some odd jobs to keep myself alive. Eventually I moved here because rent was manageable and I got a job at the factory nearby. It's not good money, but it pays the rent and gets me food so that's good enough."
She nodded. "You didn't go back home?"
His hands paused, holding the fork and knife over the plate, before he slowly carried on. "I… didn't want to. I have a new life here," he answered with a hint of reservation in his voice. "It's a simple life. Not much to think about."
They finished their meals in silence. This was the first time in a long time that Zara had proper human interaction without the threat of being killed or having to kill someone. And ironically, this was with someone she had just witnessed killing someone else. But why was he killing that woman? She thought back to their earlier conversation. Somehow the topic had just shifted from his murder to her. He had deflected her incoming questions about it and she hadn't even realised. She'd also just helped him clear up a crime scene without asking any questions. Too much was on her mind for that to be important. She had just wanted to get a chance to speak with him about why she was there. But now she felt like a heavy block rested on her chest. Her emotional turmoil was becoming so overwhelming that she wasn't sure she wanted to do anything anymore.
Before she knew it, she found herself staring out the window, hand on the glass. How had she gotten here? She looked back at the living room. Nick was clearing the plates and the clock showed the time to be 7.30pm. The sky was dark and the roads were illuminated by the yellow streetlamps. She'd lost track of time again. "Hey, you could use the shower if you want to," Nick called out from the sink. She stared blankly at him. "You have clothes to change into?"
She looked through the black leather bag that Sophia had left her with. A single set of clothes was in there, including a long dress typical of what Sophia would normally wear though that day she had been dressed up in a long-sleeved shirt and pants. At least Sophia gave her some variety. "Yeah, thanks," Zara took up his offer and got cleaned up.
Later, she plopped down on the couch, becoming increasingly tired by the moment. What would she do now? Go rent a motel room until she sorted out whatever was going on in her head? The more she thought about it, the less certain she seemed of the whole task that Sophia had left her with. Sighing, she dug through her bag to see what else she had. She had a wallet filled with cash, which was great, but in it was something far more valuable. A palm-sized photo. It was a pic of her holding Luc a week after he was born. A rush of warmth filled her to see it, to fasten the memory of him in her mind. Her vision became blurry as she felt tears sting her eyes again. She closed her fingers around the photo as she saw Nick approaching her.
He set down two glasses in front of her and poured some scotch into them. He handed her a glass. "This should help with whatever you're feeling," he advised.
She stared at the brown liquid. She remembered a time when she swore off substances that would harm her body, like drugs and alcohol. She had been somewhat of a purist in that sense, adhering to certain rules to keep herself in shape and healthy after this one LSD trip that had helped her kick her addictions and straightened her out. But now, did any of that matter to her anymore? She accepted the glass and sipped on the scotch. Her anguish dulled in comparison to the physical sensations of alcohol burning in the back of her throat.
"You know," Nick began as he watched her. His eyes roved over her high cheekbones and oval face, which was radiant though the room was dimly lit. "You may not want to talk about it but I think you'd feel better if you did."
Hesitantly, she opened up her clenched fist and revealed the photograph to him. He took it in his hand and studied it. His eyes narrowed then widened at the thought. "The kid's yours?" he asked, trying to imagine what her tears then implied.
"Technically, he's Sophia and Lucifer's son. But I still loved him like he was mine alone," her voice broke. "They took him away, Nick. He's gone." She thought of how to explain the situation but it was all too complicated for her to string together a coherent account, especially in that moment. "She told Lucifer he was dead because it would be easier to believe and I… I just can't deal with all of this now," this time she broke down and took a few more sips of her drink.
Nick didn't understand what exactly she meant but he didn't want to press the matter any further. Whatever happened, she had the look of a parent who had lost their child and he knew better than anyone what that felt like. Ever since that fateful night that a criminal broke into his house and murdered his wife and daughter in cold blood he was a changed man, never to return to the happy man he once was. That pain was what drove him to accept Lucifer in the first place. He didn't care anymore about the world, God or Satan. God didn't care about what happened, it had occurred to him, and so He wouldn't care if one tiny human said 'yes' to Lucifer.
His gaze softened. "I just thought," she continued. "That having Sophia would make me more powerful. That nothing bad could happen to me as long as I had her and she had me. But this? Sophia couldn't do anything to stop this. This just makes me feel even more helpless." She tried her best to stop sobbing and swallowed more tears.
"I understand," he rested a hand on her shoulder. "Really, I do." As though realising something, he took out a small photo from his own pocket and showed it to her. Through her tears she saw in the photo a woman holding a baby standing next to him. It dawned on her who they were and why he was showing it to her. She stared at it, holding it carefully with both her hands as he told his story. "In just one night, the one night that I had to work late, a monster took everything I cared about away from me."
"Does it ever stop hurting?" Zara's finger traced the image of the woman and her child with a finger.
Nick let out a deep breath. "No. It never does." Their eyes met. For once, he saw the same pain he'd felt in her eyes. No one around him could ever understand what it had done to him. His family grieved, yes, his friends conveyed their condolences, yes, but no one was there to share his misery. To have lost people who were everything to you to such a violent fate wasn't easy. He'd woken up several days not even wanting to go to work. He'd tried a few times, but it became so unbearable that he had just quit his job to lay around in bed all day and drink himself into sleep. That was when Lucifer had found him. It was rare that people actually got to a point so low that they simply lived as though they were dead. But now he saw it happening again, to Zara. He could see it in her eyes that this was where she was headed. And truly, he didn't know how to help her even if he wanted to. He had gone to Lucifer to get away from it, and she had come away from Sophia into the deep abyss of the same mental torment.
After an extended silence, Zara spoke again. "Did we do the right thing?" she spoke more clearly now that she had stopped crying. "Are we bad people for saying 'yes' to them?"
"Doesn't matter," he answered. "The world isn't a better place because of the good people in it. And it isn't a worse place because of the bad people in it. Things just… are and nothing exists to make sense of it."
She nodded and thought about what he said. It was the only thing that made sense to her. Finding a semblance of peace in what he said, she wanted to move on to pursue her initial question. "Is that why… you killed that woman?"
She hesitantly met his gaze. He searched her eyes for judgment but it was not there. It was a genuine question. "Maybe," he said shortly, as she finished her drink and set the glass down on the table. She was beginning to feel dizzy and welcomed the sweet embrace of drunkenness. "Remember what you said earlier about Sophia making you feel powerful? That's exactly how I felt with Lucifer. All my worries faded away for a while. Even though he was… he was brutal, violent and aggressive, all I felt was his power." Nick stared at the ground as he recounted his feelings. "With every person he killed, I felt a release. With every life he destroyed, I felt… exhilarated. And you have no idea – well, I suppose you do have an idea – how meagre being human felt in comparison. When he left, I felt… small. I was nothing. And somehow I just knew that I could feel powerful again if I did what he did." His icy eyes bore into hers and again, he saw no judgment. Zara understood what he was trying to say. As much as she hadn't thought about it before, she had felt the same way when Sophia made her kill that woman in the nightclub. It wasn't just a closeness to Sophia that she had relished from that experience, but it was the feeling of power – the feeling that she had absolute control over another person's life and could dictate when it would end. She understood.
"How do you pick your targets?" she asked out of the blue.
He was taken by surprise, but he was more than relieved to share it with her. "I pick people who are alone and don't have anyone to care about them." He was pleasantly amazed by how she took to all of this. It was like he found someone who could utterly and completely understand his pain and his motivations. This was astonishingly new and it electrified the air between them. "Zara," he said her name with a feeling he hadn't felt in a long time. "Did you ever feel Sophia's emotions as strongly as your own?"
Her deep brown eyes softened at the thought. "Yes, all the time. It was almost like I was her. Why?"
"Because I felt what Lucifer felt too. Every emotion he had," Nick stroked her cheek with the back of his index finger. "Even the ones he felt for Sophia."
Her cheek flared at his touch and her head turned slightly towards his finger. When she looked back at him, he had closed the gap between them and pressed his lips against hers. She pulled back, surprised by the turn of events. She looked into his eyes again and saw in them a softness, none of the coldness of the killer she'd seen earlier in them. She realised then that she needed this connection, this understanding, that no one else in the whole world could give her. Her skin tingled as their lips stood mere inches apart. The drink gave her a new kind of boldness, one that she'd never really cultivated towards another person in the years coming up to the moment she met Lucifer. She leaned back in and kissed him, every fibre of her being beginning to crave his touch. The fires of lust ignited in both of them as their kisses deepened and grew in intensity. As his arms cradled her waist, her hands held his neck, holding him to her.
Within no time, they fell onto the bed, unclothed and wrapped in each others arms. They felt each other as deeply and lovingly as Lucifer and Sophia had when they saw each other for the first time in two hundred thousand years. This did feel like a reunion after all, with them returning to each other in this familiar embrace. Zara's arms traced his back while Nick held her waist close to him and thrust into her. She relished the feel of his warm breath against her neck and the tickle of his stubble on her skin. They both moaned softly, only intending their sounds of pleasure for each other like a secret kept between them. Soon, their shared ecstasy reached its peak and in a single moment, they felt their hearts beat in unison. When they were done, Zara was shaking all over and Nick laid his head against her chest, taking rest in her soft bosom. Her hands caressed his hair as they both breathed heavily. What was it I came here to do? she asked herself.
(Sophia POV)
The Omniverse, The Void – Unspecified Time in Space
"What is it that you want, Sophia?" Khaos questioned, a harsh inflection in His tone. "I'm really trying my best to make this enjoyable for us." He stood next to me as I stared blankly out of a window at a pair of universes.
"I didn't come here to enjoy myself, Khaos," I answered. "I came here because I had nowhere else to go. I came here for answers. Which you haven't given me yet."
"Well I didn't let you in here for you to brood all the time by yourself!" He stated. "You and the other created beings all lament about how God and Amara never spend enough time with you yet here I am, an all-powerful being who wants nothing but to cherish you, and you don't even stop by to say 'Hi'."
"If you were so lonely, why didn't you create a universe of your own?" I shot back. His shoulders tensed at the suggestion. That seemed to have struck a chord.
I turned to face Him when I realised He was eerily silent. He grabbed me by the shoulders and pushed me up against the window. "I don't want my own universe," He whispered belligerently as He leaned in close to my face. "I want you!"
My words were stuck in my throat. I pushed against His chest, trying to get free, but He simply pushed me again harder against the window. "If only you knew…" He said. "… what you mean to me. Maybe I should show you."
In the blink of an eye, we stood in a completely different place. This was the first time Khaos had actually taken me out of the Void. All the previous times, I had watched Him and done what He'd said in the confined space of the Omniverse, in that room with the many screens. Now we were on the earth, dry and barren. But it wasn't my earth. We were in another universe I didn't recognise – it seemed almost completely lifeless that one could hardly recognise it to be earth. Khaos let me go and stepped backwards. The moment my feet touched the dry ground, I felt a tingle. There was potential for life here, despite its appearance. It just seemed… weakened.
Unable to resist, tendrils of energy reached out from me to the ground and grass sprung out where my feet stood. Greenery radiated outwards from where I was and soon the earth was significantly brighter than it was before. This whole action seemed so natural to me, like I'd never even left. "What is this supposed to prove?" I probed.
"This universe… it doesn't have you in it. Neither does its sister universe. Do you know why?" He paused to observe the outgrowth of nature. "The 'you' of this universe was killed here. When you died, you took all of nature with you. Not because you had to, or because it was inevitable – but because you could." His voice took on a firm tone toward the end. "Sure, there are some food sources here and there, humans still live in small numbers and the angels and demons are having it out here, but without you, all of creation has lost its magical touch."
I felt my eyebrows crease into a frown. That didn't sound like something I'd do… "What happened here, exactly?"
"Did what I just said escape your hearing?" Khaos crossed His arms and angled away from me. "But if you must know, this is the earth after the apocalypse. The Winchester boys you love so much were never born so Michael and Lucifer found vessels rather easily. They fought it out, and in the fight, Michael killed you and you cursed the earth with your dying breath. And this is the result."
I thought back to the time before the apocalypse. I had wanted to help Lucifer fight Michael but he'd stopped me. It wasn't even up for discussion. Lucifer didn't want me anywhere near the chosen field. If I hadn't listened… this would have happened. "How could I have done it? I am not powerful enough to cause this much damage in one go," I questioned, finally turning my mind back to whatever point Khaos was trying to make.
"Sophia, Sophia…" Khaos shook His head slowly. "Don't you get it? You understand creation better than you think. You know exactly how to do this! What is it that I told you before about information?"
"Information is the code of the universes," I recalled. "Whatever that means."
"You'll know," He simply stated. "Point is, you're capable of this. And it's beautiful. You are so full of love for the earth, yet so ruthless in your anger! You are no mere archangel. You see everything from our perspective – my siblings and I. You just don't know it yet."
"I… I don't understand. What are you saying?"
Suddenly, His enthusiasm skyrocketed. It seemed absurd to me how He could be so serious and frustrated one moment and then jovial the next. "You see knowledge. It comes naturally to you," He began, a smile beginning to form on His face. "It's like the strings of a marionette. And you're the puppet-master. But all this while, your God and Amara have kept it a secret from you. They see your power and they fear it, though they don't speak of it. It's the same way they've treated me all this while."
"That doesn't make any sense," I rebutted. "Amara made me. How could She have made me into something She would fear?"
Khaos laughed heartily, holding a palm to His chest. He took a few step back and turned around, walking ahead and beckoning me to follow. I did, and the radius of bright, green grass grew around me. "Make you, She did. She wanted a daughter to see what creation was like; whether it lived up to how great God always said it was. Or maybe She wanted to spite God and war with Him. I can never tell…" He began to explain as we walked aimlessly on the earth. "But She never paid attention to the details like God. You see, God tried to avoid making you. He knew the risks. If He wanted to create you, He would have been more careful, but that's a different story. Amara saw the potential for something dangerous and immediately checked the box. That's how you were made. It's not that She actively feared you. She wanted to use you. But of course, you deflected and here you are."
I was speechless. For a long time, I remained silent and we kept journeying across the earth, restoring life to its roots. What was it about me that was so abominable? Would I ever find out? Did I want to? "So you 'want' me…" I hated saying that… "because you want my power?"
"Well, I wouldn't put it that way…" Khaos shrugged. "I like to think that we were meant to be a team. You see, order can only arise from chaos. I need to exist for order to exist and hence creation. The moment God or Amara decide they want to create, I must grant them their wish. I have no choice in the matter. But what I do have a choice in, is how well their projects work. They hate that I can do that, so they try to limit my involvement in their creations. But with your help, I can do something about it."
A strong gust of wind blew, sweeping my hair to my side. I wrapped my wings around me to shield myself from it, but also because of the chilling realisation of what Khaos could want from me. "But you can create and destroy universes easily. You showed me. Why are you limited by God and Amara?"
"The only thing I can create in those universes is chaos. The only thing I destroy is the potential for more chaos. The very mechanism of my creation is destruction, and vice versa. Only my siblings are capable of bringing order to the universes. So yes, I am limited in that manner, but do not mistake it for weakness."
Oh, never. After what He had put me through in that alternate reality, I don't think I could ever see Him as incapable of anything. But what He had described sounded like something that should be beyond my comprehension. Matters like this were only for God and Amara to know and us, the creations, were supposed to adore and worship them for their wisdom when it came to creation. It was only now I realised that I was intentionally limiting myself from wanting to know this stuff. I had an immediate reservation to thinking that I could ever understand creation so intimately – it had been part and parcel of growing up under God. Khaos seemed to want me to forgo this reservation. What was I to do?
"You wonder why I treasure you so much." Khaos snapped me out of my thoughts. "There is an age-old question at the centre of all that is and ever could be. And you are the answer to everything."
This was a huge mistake.
