Sophia's Chronicles
Chapter 43: The Question of Normalcy
(Zara's POV)
Nick's Apartment, Clarksburg, West Virginia – 18 July 2011, 7.30am
A sliver of sunlight cut through the closed curtains and illuminated the room. Zara opened her eyes. It took a while for her blurry vision to focus and her dazed mind to remember where she was. She saw her palm resting on his chest. Then she realised her head was rested against his shoulder. Then came the sensation of his arm on her back, holding her to him. She remembered – she was in Nick's apartment and they had been talking and drinking. And somehow the discourse had ended in the bedroom. Her eyes wandered to his face and she took a moment to observe his angled jaw, his blond scruff… and then his open eyes. His icy blue eyes stared straight up at the ceiling, like he had been for a while now. He turned his head towards her and seeing that she was awake too, he caressed a strand of her dark brown hair away from her rosy cheek and gently kissed her forehead. "I have to get ready for work," he whispered as he slowly pulled away and got into the shower.
Zara remained silent, hugging the blanket to her bare chest as she contemplated what she would do next. I need to tell him the truth. I need to get him to say 'yes' to Lucifer. She thought back to last night. It had felt… good. Nick seemed like a really nice guy, when you discount the murder stuff. After all, she was still alive, wasn't she? He had understood things about her that she couldn't even put into words. It had felt satisfying to have that connection with someone. It seemed to her like she wanted to get to know him more. It was just a small inkling yesterday, but now it seemed like it was something she had to do. For the first time in a long time, she had felt a closeness to another human being. But she was still duty-bound to do what she was put here to do.
I'd still need to understand him better if I was to convince him, she told herself. Maybe I should just spend a little more time here.
Later, as she got out of the shower and settled on a seat at the table, Nick set a plate of piping hot pancakes before her. I could get used to this, she thought with slight amusement. The smell of vanilla was all-encompassing and she dug into them before she could think about anything else. "Mmmm…" she let out a loud moan as she savoured the taste before abruptly stopping. She caught Nick staring at her as she did this. "Sorry, it's just… I haven't had pancakes in a while," she explained. He cracked a small smile as he sat next to her with his own plate.
"No I get it…" he reassured her. "It's just funny to see someone else go through the same experience."
She managed a grin in response. "So um… where do you work?"
"There's a hardware factory nearby," he answered. "I work the regular nine-to-five hours."
Zara nodded in acknowledgement. "Look, Nick, about why I'm here…"
"You need me to say 'yes' to Lucifer again?" he finished her sentence.
"Yeah," she was surprised he figured that out.
"I thought so," he took another bite of his breakfast and then paused, staring out the window. "I need to think about it."
"That's fine," she said, relieved that she didn't have to worry about his reaction any longer. "I'll just find a hotel to stay in, in the meantime."
"You can stay here if you'd like," he offered.
"That's really nice of you but…" she thought back to when he'd said that he was barely making rent. "I don't want to be a freeloader or anything."
"Then don't be," he insisted. "We could share this place. You could get a job."
"I don't know." She was uncertain how long she'd be here. It wouldn't be worth making the effort to get a job if they were leaving soon and by 'they', that meant Lucifer and her. Not Nick.
"Think about it," Nick suggested. "While I'm gone, you could go out and get some supplies for yourself. You have cash?"
"Yeah, plenty. Enough to share rent, actually," she replied, emphasising that she would not be a freeloader.
"Great. We'll talk more later." Zara observed how quick he was to tell her to take care of herself and offer her a place to stay. What could that mean for them? Why was he being so nice to her? He really didn't have to. For all she knew, he could hate the idea of being a vessel again and reject her offer. But he made no indication that this was the case. Was he stalling? There was only one way to find out. She had to be a normal human being for the day.
(Winchester POV)
The Impala, Seattle, Washington – 4 days after Lucifer was pulled out of the cage by Khaos, 15 July 2011, 12.14am
Sam's lips were pursed as he drove the Impala down the highway. He was tense, almost furious, after what his brother had just been through in their hunt the past few days. They had unexpectedly run into a group of Amazonian women, one of whom got knocked up by Dean and gave birth to a daughter who was supposed to kill her father as an initiation rite. She would have been successful if Sam hadn't shown up to make the decision that Dean became too hesitant to make. After all of that, when they had gone to hunt down the nest of Amazonian women, they had simply cleared out and skipped town, leaving no trace.
"Hey, you know what? I don't like it, either. I wanted to torch 'em just as much as you. Yeah, but, hey... next time they surface, we'll be ready. If we live that long," Dean remarked, trying to get their spirits up after a failed hunt. Sam simply remained silent, eyes fixed on the road. "All right, fine. Just sit there and be pissed."
Sam huffed. "What did you say to me... when I was the one who choked? What did you say about Amy? 'You kill the monster!'"
"I was going to!" Dean argued.
"Oh, the hell you were! You think I'm an idiot?" Sam retorted.
"What, you think I am?"
"Dean, you were gonna let her walk!"
"No, I wasn't. That's ridiculous!"
Sam heaved a deep breath. "Look, I know you probably thought she was yours and I've been there, man. But you had to know she was a crazy man-killing monster."
"Like you knew so well with Satan's kid," Dean shot back.
"Dude," Sam sighed, rubbing a hand down his chin. "That was different. And you know it."
"Yeah, how?"
"The kid's not evil. He healed me. And he has the same innocence of a human child. Angels weren't born to kill or be dicks. They were raised to," Sam reasoned.
"And who's to say that Sophia isn't going to raise him to be just like her?" Dean argued.
Sam fell silent. He knew what his brother said was beginning to make sense. But reservation still gnawed at him when it came to the kid. "Either way, we all made the decision to let Zara go. Together," Sam recalled.
"Yeah, we probably shouldn't have," Dean muttered sombrely. The sound of Dean's cell ringing cut their conversation short. "Bobby?" Dean answered.
"We have a situation here."
Dean put the phone on speaker. "What kind of a situation?"
"You're gonna have to hear it for yourselves. When can you get back?"
"We're on our way to Sioux Falls right now," Sam replied. "We'll be there by sunrise."
"Alright. I've gotta warn you. Things are looking bad. Get here as soon as you can," Bobby cut the call.
"Okay, that sounded weird," Dean commented, staring at the phone screen. "We better hurry then."
Singer Salvage Yard, Sioux Falls, South Dakota – 15 July 2011, 7.03am
The boys settled at the table with Bobby, warm cups of coffee before them to keep them going. "What's the sitch?" Sam finally asked, when he began to feel that familiar rush of energy from his mandatory caffeine boost.
"Crowley dropped in last night," Bobby began. "Bad news, boys."
"The blade…" Dean guessed. They had found the weapons of Heaven as promised and given the fate-killing blade to Crowley to kill Sophia. It was a desperate decision, but they'd hoped it would bear fruit. "It didn't work?"
"Worse." Bobby kept his gaze fixed on the table. "I don't know how… but Lucifer's free again."
A wave of resignation washed over them. Despite their best efforts at finding the weapons, they still couldn't prevent this from happening. "Great. Just… great," Dean said dryly.
"How did this happen?" Sam still couldn't believe it. He didn't want to. After his time in the cage, he wasn't sure if he'd be ready to face Lucifer again. He still felt scarred and traumatized by it.
"I don't know, but Crowley seemed pretty sure of it," Bobby sighed.
"Are we sure he's telling the truth?" Sam pressed. "What if he's just lying to get away with the weapon?"
"I assure you, that's not the case," the familiar British voice said. Crowley set the blade gently down on the table.
"Dammit, Crowley, you had one job!" Dean exclaimed.
"I swear, it's not my fault. I had this whole plan worked out," Crowley raised his arms in surrender. "I was going to hit up my old buddies in Hell, gather an army, and confront her at the address Moose gave me."
"And?" Dean probed.
"And it tanked! My own friends turned against me!" Crowley shook his head in disappointment. Dean simply rolled his eyes, as if this explanation was supposed to console them. "But I didn't give up, I'll have you know. I went to that damn house myself and guess what I found. Nada. No one was home."
"Maybe she and the kid went out for ice cream," Dean suggested, trying little to hide the edge in his voice.
"I waited. Believe me, I did. In those pleasantly-trimmed Dahlia bushes I did wait. And guess what I found," Crowley paused for dramatic effect.
"We don't have all day," Bobby snapped.
"Someone did show up eventually. It was Lucifer. In another vessel!" Crowley sounded exasperated. "I couldn't believe it."
"Did you try stabbing him with the blade?" Dean asked. They had to explore all possible options, he thought.
"And what, get killed? No thanks," Crowley retorted.
"We were too late, then," Sam concluded. "Sophia got him out before we could do anything."
"If it's any consolation," Crowley began. "I don't think this was Sophia."
"What?" Dean and Bobby asked simultaneously. "Of course it was her," Bobby insisted. "This was her plan all along!"
"Eh," Crowley made a gesture with his head to indicate that he was unsure of that claim. "You should have seen him. He looked kinda sad, actually. Not what you'd expect from someone who's going to destroy the world with his girl and kid."
"Yeah, like you're the expert on the Devil's emotions," Dean replied.
"Well, excuse me for bearing good news," he shot back with a snarky tone.
"How is this good news?" Sam gave him a quizzical expression.
"He's weak. Vulnerable. Gives us more of a chance of defeating him." Crowley's lips turned up on one side. "There is one more thing. Lucifer hasn't returned to Hell yet. He's still hunting for vessels. In fact, it doesn't seem like the demons are even aware that their Dark Prince has returned."
"It's just a matter of time," Bobby reasoned.
"Probably. I don't know about you gents, but I think something's going on that we don't know about. I'm placing my bets on the two of them having issues," Crowley speculated, remembering his past encounters with Sophia.
"Good for them," Dean managed a sarcastic reply. He didn't care for the relationship problems of archangels. "We need to find out what they're planning and put a stop to it. Are you gonna help us or not?"
"Of course. I want Satan back in his cage as much as you do," Crowley assured them. "I'll see what I can find. You boys be sure to keep those Heavenly weapons safe. God knows we may need them." With that, he vanished.
(Zara's POV)
Clarksburg, West Virginia – 18 July 2011, 10.24am
This felt so weird. Shopping for clothes, buying shoes, getting food – it was all so… normal. And somehow it felt refreshing. Zara never fully appreciated the beauty of the normal human drive to attain sustenance. There was something subtly beautiful about walking from store to store just to get the means by which she would live a new day. Working the daily grind of a stressful job and education really took away the enjoyment from her life. Some things you had to lose to understand the value of, she mused as she trailed down the street full of stores. But in her mind she wasn't complaining. In this moment, she had no boring job to worry about, no aspirations or concerns about the future to burden her. She was living for this moment and the next, unsure of how long she'd survive. There was something liberating in that which she could not find in her past life. For that reason alone, she knew she had to be grateful to Lucifer.
That whole day, she simply walked and walked all across town, finding mystery and wonder in every corner she turned. It wasn't like there was anything to do once she got back to the apartment either, other than wait for Nick to get back. This gave her a lot of time to think. More time than she wanted. When the day lazily shifted into the afternoon and she'd had her lunch, grief crept back up on her like a tiger stalking its prey. She could not control the feeling of fatigue plaguing her mind and soul. Though she knew why she was sad, she could not escape the loop of bad thoughts circling in her head. She sat on a park bench. Her mind was fixated on a dilemma of who she actually was and what she was becoming. Only now, she didn't have any tears left to shed. Then she became tired of sitting and wandered about instead, her shopping bags still in her hand.
Her eyes blankly stared at buildings, lamp posts and windows while her legs took her to wherever. Everything was just moving images to her and soon she didn't even realize that her legs were moving. And then, just like before, she felt awakened in a place she didn't remember getting to. This time, she was leaning against a fence in an empty parking lot, facing a young man in the distance who was wearing a large hoodie in a part of town that didn't seem like it was safe. Her heart beat faster as she realized that she was going into dazes more often than she would have liked and it could potentially be a problem. She checked the time on her phone. It was 5.42pm. What? It was just 2-something? her mind voice panicked. She had lost time again.
Zara looked over to the hoodie-sporting teenager. Someone dressed in comparatively normal clothing appeared and approached the guy. She understood what was going on. Drugs were involved. Why had she ended up here? Was it a subconscious thing? She remembered a time in her youth when she'd ventured too far from safe territory and discovered drugs. She didn't always make the right choices and she'd had some tough times. She could have even gotten hurt were it not for someone who she'd trusted to take care of her. That someone… he was someone who had a special place in her heart but she resisted the thought – she didn't want to remember him. She didn't want to remember any of her past life. She'd chosen to get away from it when she ran away from home to study in a university in South Dakota. Forgetting everyone she'd known back home, even the one person she admitted to caring about, was the only way she knew how to move on.
Her phone rang, snapping her out of her thoughts. It was Nick. "Hey," she picked up the call.
"Where are you?"
"I'm still out. But I'm done with the shopping," she replied.
"So I'll see you at home?"
Zara closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of the nose. She felt a little embarrassed. "About that… I don't know where I am. Can you… come get me?" she requested.
She found a street name and within half an hour, just as the sky began to darken, she was reassured by the sight of his familiar face. "I can explain," she began with a shy grin. "I… didn't know where I was going."
"And then you kept walking?" he pressed with a puzzled expression, though he wasn't actually upset by this long detour. He took some of her bags off her hands to lessen her load. They strode together down the dimly-lit street, a slow pace set for conversation.
"Remember when you said you went into a really long daze? I think it's beginning to happen to me," she confessed. "I don't even remember getting here."
"Don't worry," he said.
"Too late."
"It'll get better over time," he reassured her. "Hopefully."
They strolled silently. A single car whizzed by. "So… are we gonna talk about it?" Zara broke the silence.
"I still don't have an answer for you," he simply stated.
"What's going through your mind when you think about it?" she probed.
"I don't know…" he stroked his chin with a free hand as he stared away into the distance. "It feels complicated."
Zara sighed. He wasn't giving her anything to work with. "Tell me why it's complicated. And don't think you can deflect my questions."
That made him chuckle. She's catching on, he thought. He was forming the words in his head when her muffled squeal caught his attention. He jerked to face her and when he did, he dropped the bags he was holding onto the floor immediately.
"Wallet and phone. Give it to me now or the girl gets it," a man threatened, knife pressed against Zara's throat.
In that instant, Zara saw something remarkable. She saw Nick's gaze harden as he stared straight at the robber. His shoulders tensed and his fists clenched. The robber grew impatient at his deadly silence. "Hurry it up!" he demanded. Zara felt a sting and then a burning hot sensation as the knife made a small incision on her throat, drawing blood. Nick's eyes fixated on that single rivulet of blood. He felt a madness build up inside of him like nothing before. He felt like he was reliving that fateful moment that had changed his life forever. He saw in Zara his dead wife and the robber was like the murderer who took her away from him. Never again, he thought. Zara saw the darkness that lurked beneath his gaze and she was curious what he would do. She wasn't so much concerned about her own fate, though it would be nice not to be handled so roughly by this petty thief.
Her eyes caught his and she signalled with them cautiously. Giving him a short nod, she elbowed the man in the rib, causing him to yelp in pain. Moving as quickly as he'd taught himself to, Nick drew out a switchblade from his pocket and stabbed the guy's arm before he could drive the knife deeper into Zara's throat. Groaning in pain, the robber dropped the blade, allowing Zara to get away from him. She watched as Nick stabbed the man again in the gut and then threw punches at him as he tried to fight back. It was a fury she had never witnessed before in anyone. Finally, Nick slit the guy's throat like it was nothing and the light went out of his eyes. When Nick finally let go, the robber sank to the ground slowly, his back slumping against the nearest building. Blood spots stained his shirt and grew in radius as Nick gathered up the bags and handed some back to her. Zara simply stared at the dead man, still surprised by what she had witnessed. She didn't expect to see someone die that day. That sort of thing still needed some getting used to. But she wasn't afraid or upset. It was just another sight that she realized would become a part of her life.
"You're bleeding," he observed.
Zara touched a hand to her neck and found her fingers stained red as she pulled away. The gash on her neck was slightly bigger than the incision made earlier, but it still wasn't too bad. "I'll live," she declared. She took out a folded handkerchief and pressed it to the wound to stop the bleeding.
As they began walking away, Nick wondered if what he did disturbed her. He didn't really know how she took to this stuff. He hadn't asked. "I got a bit carried away," he explained.
"I know," she acknowledged. She opened up some of her bags and glanced at their contents briefly. "I just hope there isn't any blood on the clothes."
Another chuckle escaped Nick's lips. That was more than he'd laughed in months. "I swear I wasn't deflecting that time," Nick said, feeling his anger dissipate as soon as it came.
"Whatever," Zara shook her head, a smile brightening her face despite almost having her life taken. At this point, she couldn't care less about whether the earth stopped spinning. It made her almost… nonchalant. "Tell me when you want to," she relented. Her eyes drifted back to the dead body. "So… are we gonna hide that one too?"
Nick shrugged. "This is a bad neighbourhood anyway. No one's gonna suspect a thing."
They continued their journey, observing the change in the hues of the night sky and the brush of the cool evening breeze against them. It was the small things like that they'd both learnt to enjoy in every moment. For two people like that, silence is not the end of a conversation but rather the beginning of a wordless one. They simply enjoyed each other's presence. The back of their hands lightly grazed as they walked alongside each other, the light caress being more than comforting. Soon, they entered the warm interior of the apartment.
Nick gazed at Zara as she went through the bags once more and decided what to put on after a shower. He didn't want to keep her waiting. It wasn't that he had anything against her bid. After everything he'd been through the past year to keep himself alive, he was finally beginning to see something to live for. He had a slow-paced life. It was comfortable and didn't require much of him. Though the past still weighed down on him, he was finally adjusting to a mode of living that made him feel alive. Sometimes he'd walk around town aimlessly after work. Sometimes he'd go up to the river banks and watch the muddy water as it coursed. This was something he could get used to. And now that Zara was here, he felt something different. He was fascinated by her. There was just something about her that intrigued him.
These thoughts consumed him as he saw her briskly walking off to shower before he could talk to her about it. He ambushed her as soon as she got out of the shower. She was still wrapped in a towel when he began talking. "It's not that I don't want to," he said, as she began to look for the clothes she had just bought. "There's just something stopping me." She simply walked out of the bedroom, remembering that she had mistakenly left the clothes on the couch.
"Yeah, what's that?" she asked as he trailed behind her.
"Have you ever done absolutely… nothing? Nothing of value. Just for the sake of it."
She began rummaging through the bags, now growing impatient. She wasn't sure where this was going and she just wished that he had a straight answer for her. "Yeah…"
"It makes life a little bit easier to live," he continued. She began to walk away again, intending to put on some clothes. "I'm not sure I wanna give that up so… quickly to become a vessel again."
She stopped in her tracks and turned to face him. "So… you just want time?"
"Yes," he answered firmly.
"I don't know if Lucifer has time," she rebutted.
"Who cares?"
"You're not the one who'll have to deal with him," she replied, dead serious. "Then I won't be talking to you like this. It'll only be him."
"Do you want that?" he probed.
"Well I…" she trailed off. "It's not up to me," she deflected. This conversation was going places she was uncomfortable with.
"Doesn't matter. Tell me," he implored.
She breathed deeply, considering what to answer. She did like him. She did like what he had to say and his perspective on life. She liked being with him. But what was happening with Lucifer and Sophia was greater than the both of them. Zara gulped, upset by the fact that she was put in this position. She decided to ignore him. Turning on her heels, she tried to hurry away from him into the room to change. Instantly, he grabbed her arm and pushed her against the wall, holding her just like he had when they'd met a few days back. His left hand, clamped over her mouth again like it had before, muffled her panicked squeal. Her heart raced, slightly alarmed by his brashness though she guessed that he meant her no harm.
His grip on her eased slowly, though he still had her cornered against the wall. His hand shifted from her mouth, giving her the chance to talk. She let out an exhale, taken by surprise at that manoeuvre. That rush that she got from his force was something that would have excited her younger self. And maybe she still felt that way. "You said you picked targets who no one cares about. Would that make me a target?" she asked. Her words indicated worry but her eyes said something else, brewing an air of thirst between them.
He paused, his finger tracing her lips and chin. "No. I care about you," he answered. She said nothing, simply observing him with an affectionate gaze. She wanted so bad to be able to reciprocate this feeling between them that she didn't even care whether he really meant what he said. "All I'm asking for is to have some time to spend living my life before I give it all away to Lucifer. And I want you here with me."
Heat rose between them, their faces remaining in such close proximity. His eyes scanned her expression. Finally, she nodded and said, "Okay."
Her hands were placed flat against his chest as she traced them up to his shoulders and neck. Taking a deep breath, he lifted her by the waist and pulled her closer to him, closing the space between their lips. Her legs wrapped around his waist as he pressed her against the wall with his body, showering her with kisses, moving from her lips to her cheeks to her neck. Just like that, he carried her into the bedroom and laid her down on the bed. Somewhere along the way her towel fell off. She hurried to unbutton his shirt as his lips refused to depart from her skin. In no time, they found each other in their familiar embrace, moving and rubbing against each other in a steady rhythm.
(Winchester POV)
Singer Salvage Yard, Sioux Falls, South Dakota – 22 July 2011, 10.20am (After the events of Repo Man)
"Sam. Sam? Saaaaam…" 'Lucifer' went on inside Sam's head. It was going on non-stop for the last few days. The hallucinations had gotten worse now that there was no physical pain in his body to remind him what reality felt like. Try as he might, Sam just couldn't shut his voice out. And the news that Lucifer was in fact out and roaming free did nothing but make the tremors worse. He'd become more paranoid, unsure of whether it was the real Lucifer he was seeing or the remnants from the Cage. He'd barely held it together in the last case. And man, what a freaky case it was – a guy who wanted so bad for a demon to possess him that he became a serial killer.
Weariness tugged on Sam's eyelids. It was becoming increasingly difficult for him to fall asleep. 'Lucifer' was there when he opened his eyes and the cage appeared when he closed his eyes – there was no escape. His hands encircled a coffee mug, feeling its warmth emanating. He was nodding off, items moving in and out of vision as his body threatened to give into fatigue. Meanwhile, Dean was recounting the case details to Bobby, remarking on the absurdity of it all.
"Chin up, buttercup," a British voice greeted. Sam flinched at the sound. He looked to Dean and Bobby, whose faces were fixed in a frown in expectation.
"You have news?" Bobby asked, getting straight to the point.
"As a matter of fact, I do. And it's good," Crowley began. "Lucifer's MIA. And no one's even realised."
"Sounds sketchy," Dean remarked.
"That's what I thought. But what's sketchier is that no one's heard from Sophia either. She's losing support." Crowley gave them an excited grin.
"Of course you're happy about all this," Bobby said, still uncomfortable with the mysterious absence of two of the most powerful beings in existence.
"You should too! Guess who's King again." Crowley didn't wait for a reply. "Yours truly, of course."
"This can't be all there is to it," Sam chimed in. "What are they planning?"
"Sam, such a worrier. No one in Hell knows where they are and I've managed to get the throne back. Do you think the two of them would be planning something if they let Hell slip from their hands? Hmm?" His eyes beckoned them to challenge him.
"Then that leaves us at square one," Dean pulled out his demon-killing blade.
"Dean," Bobby rested a hand on Dean's arm.
Dean's head tilted towards Bobby. "Demons are still demons. And you didn't live up to your end of the deal," he said to Crowley, the case they just worked still clear in his mind. If anything, it had just reminded him of how dangerous and unsettling demons could be. Even if Crowley had been their ally at times, it didn't excuse the fact that he would let the demons run free now that he was King.
"Dean, you squirrel," Crowley snapped, catching Dean by surprise. "We're still on the same team. Just in case they decide to come back, we're going to need to fight them. Together. With those weapons." Dean didn't seem convinced by that. "Fine, I'll issue a stand-down order. No more demons you need to worry about."
"Sounds too good to be true, doesn't it, Sam?" 'Lucifer' interjected. "Rough him up, see what he really wants!"
Dean put away the blade. "Alright. Just find the archangels quickly so that we can go back to killing each other."
"Wouldn't want it any other way," Crowley agreed, before taking off.
