"...And that's why I now have two pets." Mario said as he finished his bourbon.
"Wow. That's some story." Pauline said. "I'm glad you took them in. Those two seem like they really need it."
The two were spending Sunday afternoon at Pauline's apartment.
"They've been a handful, but Luigi loves them. They've been walking home with Mac after his training with Doc, good way to get their exercise, so at least Luigi isn't walking them out on company time."
"He cares about them so much, I like that. And deep down, I think you do too."
"I don't hate them, I just don't think we can afford it right now. We are walking on eggshells with an even tighter budget. The slightest problem could sink us now. Unlike someone, with your two dogs."
"Woof! Woof!" A white bulldog came bounding in. "WOOF!" She jumped into Mario's lap and started licking his face in delight.
"Right on time." Mario said as he gave the dog a hug. "Hey AJ. How's the pampered life treating you?"
"Hey! My dogs are not pampered." Pauline said.
"Really now?" Mario stood up and called out. "Hey Empress! Come here girl!"
A small black pug came strolling out of Pauline's bedroom, wearing a flannel shirt and dark sunglasses. "Arf!"
"Look at that thing! Your dog has more expensive fashion than me." Mario said.
"Empress needs those things!" Pauline corrected. "Besides, her wardrobe is like... 5/10 at best."
"The flannel shirt?"
"She gets cold easy!"
"The sunglasses?"
"If she bumps into anything, she'll have some protection! I don't want her to get proptosis!"
Empress skipped off and tripped on her flannel shirt, falling into the bed of the cat Ashes. Ashes let out a yowl and hissed Empress away.
"Stop making excuses for why you play dress up with the walking potato! If you can take so good care of two dogs and your cat, I have a basset hound and a duck for you."
"You should keep your pets! They make you live longer and are great companions!"
"I already have a mutt, I call it Luigi!" Mario poured himself another glass of bourbon.
"Still, no matter how much you might not like it, you did a good thing and I'm proud of you." She reached over and kissed him. "I think you deserve a reward."
"Woof!" AJ reached up and kissed Mario too.
"C'mon AJ, leave Mommy be. Go play with Empress." Pauline set AJ on the ground, and the bulldog scampered off.
"Look at it run, with all the grace of a Butterball Turkey." Mario wiped a tear from his eye.
"Hey! Don't make fun of my dorky dogs. That's my job!"
"Oh come on! They aren't dorky at all! I mean, AJ is a better kisser than you, that's for sure."
"So now you want to be funny, huh? Just had to kill the mood!" Pauline checked her watched. "Ooh, now that I look at the time, that was probably for the better. I got to go."
"Where you off to in a such a hurry?" Mario asked as Pauline got her keys.
"Remember Lily Tibb from high school? She went in carpentry and just help rebuild a church over on H Avenue. They are making a celebration tonight, and Lily asked me to come."
The phone started ringing. Pauline quickly scooped up the phone next to her. "Yes, hello?" Pauline said before tossing it over to Mario. "It's Luigi. It sounds urgent."
"Luigi, what do you need?" Mario asked. "Yeah...what? Are you serious?... Are you sure?... Hold on, I'm coming." Mario hung up the phone and dug for his own keys.
"What's going on?"
"I don't know, Luigi was panicking, something about a new business opening up across the street. I better leave now too."
Coming down Miyamoto Avenue, Mario saw an 'Open For Business' sign. Alright, that must be what Luigi was talking about, let's go see what our new neighbors are up to. Slowly rolling up, Mario peered out the window until he could read the sign and- HOLY SHIT.
WARIO BROTHERS PLUMBING
Parking the car, Mario got out to make sure that he was looking at what the he thought he was looking at. "This is not happening. This is not happening."
Luigi came rushing out from the apartment. "Mario! Look! Are you seeing this?!"
"Alright, so which one of you was smoking kush? I don't remember having any, but now I need some." Mario started walking across the street. "I need to talk to these guys."
"Hello, anyone in here?!" Mario said as he entered the building.
"SKREEEE!"
Mario jumped back. An eagle was schreeching at them from the corner.
"Shut up ya damn bird!" An empty can of beans clocked the eagle right in the head.
"Don't mind Degenerate over there," The voice from the back emerged. "He got no backbone if you stand up to i-"
"I thought so." Mario turned his head in disgust at the figure before him. "Wario Segale."
"Mario Martinet." Wario rubbed his zig-zagging moustache. "Been a while." His sleeves yellow shirt showed off his muscular arms as his purple overalls showed off his rotund frame.
"Not long enough." Mario said curtly. "And if your here, I can only imagine that-"
"Wa! Is that the sound of customers I hear?" A tall lanky man in a purple shirt and dark overalls emerged from the back as well.
"No Waluigi, it's Mario and Luigi, those chumps from high school."
"'Chumps from high school'? That's funny coming from the worst starting QB in our school's history. We could have went to state if you hadn't gotten Charles injured."
"That was a complete accident! You can't prove it wasn't!" Wario protested.
"I'm just saying that Charles never had a problem going down stairs until you walked behind him."
"Is that all you came here to do? Piss me off?" Wario said.
"No, I'm here because of this little plumbing thing you got going on here." Mario pointed across the street to his own apartment. "See that sign? We were already here first. Find your own street."
"Wa! We don't care if you were here first or not!" Waluigi interjected. "We've already paid for everything!"
"That's right. Wario Brothers Plumbing is here to stay!" Wario double-downed.
"We've been here for months! Why would you even choose this spot to settle down at? The fuck is wrong with you two?"
"We heard this was a good area for out business!"
"But now that we have to share customers, it's not gonna be good anymore! There won't be enough customers to keep both of us afloat! Think here!" Mario tapped his head. "You're going to drive both of us out of business!"
"You may go out of business, but I know we'll survive! We don't mind some competition! Bring it on!" Wario said with extreme confidence.
"Hold on here, we don't have to compete against each other, we can all work together here." Luigi said. He stretched out a handshake. "Let's be sensible about this."
Waluigi stretched out his hand to meet the handshake, then immediately took his hand back. "Sike! Like we would ever work with you two bums! Get outta here! Wa!"
"Skree!" The eagle screeched Mario and Luigi out of the building.
"Mario, what's wrong? You look pissed." Mac was sitting on the couch watching TV. Hijo and Kiyo were napping away the day.
"The guy who peaked in high school returns to ruin my day once again." Mario sat down to process the situation.
"The guys across the street? They were the high school bullies. Now they want to drive us out of business." Luigi said.
"Don't worry about it too much boys. I ain't letting nothing bad happen to us. I got it." Mario said.
"Now let me take a trip down memory lane."
