Two Months Later
"I'm taking Hiro and Kiyo for a walk!" Mac called out as he opened the door.
"Get in before dark! See you later!" Mario said.
"Woof!" "Quack!" The dog and duck scampered down the street, Mac holding their leases casually. The orange light of the city's sunset made for quite the beautiful sight, and the brisk autumn air gave a nice touch to a crisp evening.
"Alright, pizza's in the oven. It'll be ready by the time Mac gets back." Luigi cracked open a soda and sat down on the couch.
"Okay." Mario was looking over his work sheet. "Wario and Waluigi haven't made too bad a dent into our business over the past 2 months. But were still working at our lowest growth."
"They haven't done a lot of damage to us? How?"
"We've been operating for months now. The local community knows us. It's like politics. It's harder to put the incumbent out than it is to put down the challenger. We have the benefit of being first."
"That, and I can't imagine anyone wanting to be around Wario any longer than they have to."
"That too. By the looks of things, those two might go out of business soon. They have to be running on fumes at this point. And it's not like they can fuck with us anymore now that I publicly put up all those tiny security cameras around the house."
"You mean the cameras that don't exist? The camera's that you pretended to fiddle with even though you didn't even have anything in your hand? Those cameras? I doubt they are going to be any good if they try anything else." Luigi replied nonchalantly.
"Wario doesn't know that." Mario said smiling. "Remember Weegee, a lie is as powerful as those who believe it."
"I still wish you would have put up real cameras though." Luigi said.
"Why, so Wario and Waluigi can knock them all down and trash them? Don't you remember how good Waluigi is with a slingshot?"
Luigi groaned. "Ugh, yes. How could I ever forgot time he knocked the hat off my head from across the lunchroom?"
"Besides, ever since we trashed their car, they haven't messed with us."
"Exactly. It's quiet. Too quiet." Luigi said.
"You...might actually be right." Mario turned his head over to Wario Brothers Plumbing. They were closed for the night.
"Might be? These are the same people who filled Mr. Fils car with snakes every day for a month because he wouldn't boost their grades. They didn't even care about the class they just wanted a high enough GPA to go Six Flags! These two are petty Mario. P-E-T-T-Y."
"Honestly, now that I think about it, we should be surprised that they haven't anything to us."
"So whatever they come up with, it's gonna be bad. Oh boy, I can't wait to find out." Luigi put his hand to his head, already feeling a headache coming on.
"Keep an eye on them. No way this is over. Normally those boneheads are lazy sacks of shit, but revenge is a prime motivation for those two."
"They can barely stop from picking a fight every five minutes, imagine two months of pent-up aggression."
RING! RING!
The two swung their heads to the phone on the counter.
RING! RING!
Giving his brother a look, Mario slowly got up, never taking his eyes off of Wario Bros. Plumbing.
RING! RING!
"Hello?" He said as short as possible.
"Hey Mario!"
"Oh, Pauline!" Mario's tone changed in an instant.
"Expecting someone else?"
"Telemarketers. Been driving my phone crazy all day." Mario took a few deep breaths. "So uh, what do you need?"
"I was wondering if you would like to go to Knicks game next week. That is, if you think you're not gonna be busy. I heard about Wario and his brother. If they're giving you too hard a time, I'm sure I can slip a couple hundreds or so your way."
"Oh, with you? Of course! And don't worry about Wario. They got a sinking ship, I'm telling you. Won't bother me for too much longer."
"Well, that's nice to hear. Well, I gotta get back to this meeting. See you later, love you!"
"Love you too Pauline. I'll talk to you soon." Mario hung up the phone and chucked it at Luigi's head. "You see how you got me acting man? It was just Pauline, and I'm over here shaking in my boots!"
"Well, sorry! That doesn't mean you have to throw a phone at my head!"
"I was doing just fine being ignorant before you started making sense, and now I'm sitting on pins and needles!" Mario walked outside and looked around. Coming back in, he looked at the clock. 5:45 P.M. "Where's Mac? He needs to get back. I don't like him being separated from us."
"You think Wario and Waluigi would do something to him?" Luigi said concerned.
"Would you put it past them?"
"No. No I wouldn't." Luigi stood up. "Where's my coat? I'm going after him."
"You're staying here." Mario said. "We don't know where Mac is, or where he's gonna go. He's got a dog with him, he should be okay. Besides, its a public setting and there're tons of people on the streets right about now. Plenty of witnesses, so nothing should pop off."
"A-Alrlight." Luigi sat back down. "If he's not back in 30 minutes, I'm going looking for him."
"I'll go look for him. You stay here and keep an eye on Wario."
"Fine." Luigi finished his soda. "Mario, I got a feeling something bad's gonna happen."
"I do too." Mario said. He could feel his stomach twisting in knots.
"Hey, if things get too bad, we can always go to Uncle Jack in Cincinnati." Luigi pointed out.
15 Minutes Later
"Guys! I'm back!" Mac said as he walked into the door.
"Thank God." Luigi said with a sigh of relief.
"Mac, where were you?" Mario said.
"Oh, I was just walked down the streets with Hiro and Kiyo. Not really going anywhere. Why, something wrong?"
"Yeah. There is." Mario said sternly.
"Did I do something wrong?"
"No. It's Wario. We think he's about to pull something. From now on, you go down two blocks and loop around. I want to be able to know where you are in case I have to go pick you up real fast or something."
"Oh, alright then. I guess."
"It isn't going to be like this forever, just until Wario and Waluigi go out of business and get lost. But for right now, you need to be careful whenever you see those two. They're slimeballs to the core, trust me. I'm just trying to keep you safe."
"Oh. Okay then. I understand."
"Pizza should be just about done." Luigi took it out of the oven. "Alright everybody, eat up!"
Mario and Luigi woke up to the sound of the alarm.
"It's your turn to take him." Luigi said, flopping his head back onto the pillow.
Luigi closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep as he heard Mario and Mac pull off from the apartment...
GURGLERURGLERURGLE!
"Ugh, I'm starving."
Getting out of bed and into the kitchen, Luigi turned on the coffee maker and started going through the fridge. "Apple...milk...cheese...bread rolls! Ah, here we go!"
Turning on the oven, Luigi felt something paw against his leg. "Woof!" Hiro greeted.
"Well, good morning to you too, buddy!"
"Quack!" Kiyo stood on top of the stove and tried to eat the laid out bread.
"Not yet." Luigi shooed Kiyo away with a wave of his hand. "Gotta let 'em bake. Come on, let's go watch TV."
Sitting on the couch with his mug of coffee, Luigi turned on the TV to his favorite channel: SoapNet.
"Ah, they're showing the new One Tree Hill episode I missed last night, great!" Luigi snuggled in excitedly. "Oh, I hope Quinn realizes Chase doesn't love her and dumps him!"
As the episode went to commercial, Luigi put the bread rolls in the oven. "Now you'll be ready by the next commercial break, and I can really get my day started."
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
"Mario?" Luigi asked as he closed the oven door. "Back a little early. Was you speeding or something? And why are you knocking? Don't you got keys to the do-"
The figure in the door was way too tall to be Mario.
"What the?" Opening the door, Luigi saw a man in a blue jacket with a mask over his face. "Who are you?"
"Yo, I got the rocks you ordered." The man got out a few bags of white powder from his pockets.
"Is that cocaine?!" Luigi jumped. "I ain't ask for anything like that! I don't know you! This is a mistake!"
"Shhh. Shhh. Keep your motherfucking voice down man." The man said. "We got a call from one of our best dealers telling us to deliver some rocks to this address."
"I don't know anything about that. You must got the wrong address." Luigi said. "You've never been here before, have you?"
As the man was getting out a piece of paper, Luigi thoughts turned to Mario. Mario would never do this kind of thing for money, right? We're not that desperate...
"No, I ain't never been here." The man said, reading the paper. "This is the place they told me to come...fuck it. I did my part. These dumbasses can't even get an address right. Aight, well, I'm out."
Luigi watched him go down the street. "That just.. happened." Shaken, Luigi sat back down on a chair. Leaning back on the chair, Luigi tried to calm down. After what seemed like forever, Luigi felt his heartbeat go back to normal. Getting up from the chair, Luigi grabbed his coffee. "Boy, Mario is gonna be pissed when he finds out abou-"
POP! POP! POP! Gunshots rang out through the air.
"WHAT THE?!" Luigi got on the floor.
"OPEN THE DOOR MAN! OPEN THE DOOR!" The cocaine dealer was running back towards the apartment. He fired out two more shots as a van came racing the street.
Luigi froze. Open the door, or run for cover? Door. Cover. Door. Cover. Door. Cover. Door. Cover. Door. Cover Door. Co-
The dealer got to the front of the door. The van was right behind him, windows down. Gun barrels peered out.
Luigi looked down them all. "Holy-"
RATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TAT RATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATTATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATTATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TATRATTA TAT TAT
Life's a bitch, and then ya die.
That's why we get high,
cause ya never know, when you're gonna go.
Life's a bitch and then ya die...
