Chapter Four: A Breath of Fresh Air
Loki couldn't remember anything. It was dark, an explosion filled his senses. The pain was the only indicator he was still alive. Wherever he landed, he landed hard. Skidding across a slick floor before crashing into a wall, crumpling in on himself in a fetal position.
It hurts... it hurts so bad.
Trying to take even a slight breath was almost impossible. He felt like he was impaled with a thousand swords. His body wouldn't move, wouldn't respond to his requests. Not even his eyes had the strength to open. Relying on hearing was pointless; sounds were muffled and dull as his ears ringed incessantly. His stomach churned at the intense vertigo it brought on.
The fight to stay conscious continued. Passing out was not an option. Wherever he landed was unknown, presumably dangerous. He needed to stay awake, to open his eyes. A small moan escaped his lips as he felt something warm pool over his hand. He knew it was probably blood. It would make sense from the amount of pain he was in. It only made the situation more dire.
He laid motionless for a few minutes to conserve as much energy as possible to open his eyes. Thankfully, his lids complied this time. The absence of light in the room made it easier to open them without the sting of blinding light. But, unfortunately, what he did see was too dark and blurry to focus on. He could only make out small bursts of light and reflected metal surfaces.
A ship?
Wherever he crash-landed, it didn't look familiar- meaning he had to move quickly. Of course, quickly didn't describe his movements at the moment... or lack thereof. He would need to start out small and assess the damage his body was in.
He tried to turn his head just ever so slightly to look up, his raven hair fell in front of his face. But something else happened; something moved. A heavy weight around his neck shifted before it pulled him down hard. No energy to resist against its movements, his head went down with it. The movement only blurred his vision more and make the nausea increase. Something brass then obstructed his vision.
The collar...
He forgot he still had the collar and chains on. A fuzzy memory that wasn't quite pieced together well. Turning his head must have shifted his weight enough to have it pull him to the ground completely.
Another wave of pain erupted from his chest. This one felt as if his chest was getting ripped out of him. He groaned loudly and tried to take in a deep breath in hopes to calm the pain- big mistake. His lungs didn't like so much air in them and constructed tightly. His mind responded to the panic with coughing. The constant ins and outs of it only made it worse. Now it felt like he was repeatedly jabbing himself in the chest.
Without being able to get any air in or out, darkness crept into his vision. The panic and agony begged him to pass out- to just let go. The warmth of the blood pooling under him almost drew a level of comfort.
He couldn't move, hear, see, and now breathe. He was dying. His last moments would be remembered as running from fears and crash landing into an unknown location to bleed out. His lids became too heavy to keep open. It was no use; his vision went black. Pressing his head against the cold metal of the floor, he let them close.
Loki wasn't surprised that this was the way he'd go out...
To go out alone.
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Drifting through what seems like the empty vacuum of space, was comforting. Quiet and out of pain, Loki seemed to almost be at peace. When was the last time he ever felt like this? To feel this peaceful and content with the present situation. He assumed never. Time was not a thing where he was. Who knows how long he's been here, been drifting- not like it mattered anyway.
A strange sensation started to stir around him. Like a storm brewing, Loki felt an intense pressure building. Before he could question it anymore, his whole body erupted in a surge of pain. It burned as it coursed through every nerve, every vein in his body. He tried to cry out in pain, but nothing came out. He prayed, begged, the Norns for it to stop.
Seconds after it started, it did stop. Loki still felt his body twitch even after the effect wore off. The pain never stopped, it stayed at a dull, steady pace. It, at least, made it easier for Loki to breath again.
Soft murmurs could be heard in the distance. They were so faint that Loki could barely hear them.
A voice?
He couldn't comprehend what it was saying, but it sounded in pain. The deep, gruff voice tugged at Loki's memory- he had heard this voice before. Unable to speak or open his eyes, he was locked in his shell of a body. Whosever voice this was, Loki knew they weren't a threat; in fact, he felt safer.
With another soft breath, Loki felt a pain his lungs spike. If he took shallow breaths, the pain was more manageable. He also started to feel hot. Whether it was him or something around, the presence of warmth was felt on his bare skin.
The voice said something again, this time it sounded more upset. Was it mad? Loki wasn't sure if he made the voice upset. His head started to grow dizzy as he could feel the world swirl around him. Something heavy was pulling on his body upon that movement but disappeared quickly. Loki wished he had the strength to open his eyes.
All of a sudden, he was being jostled around. The pain quickly came back, flooding his body. His short, painful breaths drew quicker with the movement. It seemed to go on for ages. At least, the familiar voice stayed with him. When the movement finally came to a stop, Loki was relieved. If he were more conscious, he would have thrown up by now.
Soft words whispered to him before he felt himself being laid on something soft. Loki couldn't remember the last time he felt something so soft.
Things started to become more of a blur. His head swam in and out of consciousness. Loki could have sworn he heard more voices... ones he didn't recognize. And then came the hands. They tugged, poked, and prodded at him all over. He didn't understand what they were doing... but it hurt. Begging the hands to go away, their hostility only became stronger. He wanted to scream at his body for not moving. The only hands that gave some relief were a set of warm ones. The callused fingers were rough to the touch and hurt, but the motions they did were soothing. They lightly rubbed his cheek and ran down his hair. It didn't take long for Loki to understand that that pair of hands came from the one familiar voice.
Loki wanted to talk, to understand what was going on. On his next breath, he tried to break the barrier of unconsciousness. Things went from bad to worse, suddenly Loki felt like he was drowning. His body was too weak to cough it out. Rough hands quickly held his shoulders while others pulled his head back. The pain shot up his neck, but he was only able to let out a strangled gurgle.
Before he knew it, his mouth was pried open and something was shoved down his throat. Loki gagged and twisted to the sensation, but the strong hands held him down. He felt his lungs start expanding on their own. It hurt too much and Loki fell deeper into the darkness.
Feeling like he was going through Hel and back, another surge of pain, stronger than the last burst through his chest. With something down his throat, he, once again, couldn't cry out. Loki begged just to die. He couldn't do it anymore. The voices he once assumed were good were only hurting him more. They grabbed him again and held him down. Loki didn't struggle under the grip, he just trembled.
Unlike the last time he passed out, Loki didn't notice this time as everything disappeared in an instant.
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After six long hours, the surgery was deemed a success. Loki went from life-threatening to critical condition. Bruce was right, it was touch and go for a while. Three times they almost lost him. If it hadn't been for Thor's lightning initially, the outcome might have been different.
During the surgery, Bruce was able to retrieve all the broken ribs and screw them back in place. Both lungs were collapsed so tubes had to be inserted to draw out blood and excess air in the chest cavity. The doctor literally felt like he was piecing the god back together. They all collectively decided to wait until tomorrow to remove the chains- in hopes he will be more stable by then. Overall, Loki was alive- hidden somewhere under the mess of chains, wires, tubes, and bandages- but alive.
Bruce and the others peeled away their bloody scrubs and immediately collapsed into the nearest chairs. It wasn't until two in the morning when Bruce finally considered their work done. It's hard for them to believe that it hasn't even been a full day since they found Loki in Tony's lab. In the end, they sat in silence for a long time, trying to comprehend all that's happened today.
Neither Tony, Clint, nor Natasha every came within this timespan to check-in. Not necessary just for Loki, but the other three Avengers as well. Bruce was quite hurt by the strong divide within teammates; all of this because of Loki. Knowing that he just saved a homicidal maniac left a sour taste in his mouth. Bruce knew how much this all meant to Thor, so he lived off of that feeling instead.
"You guys go to bed, I'll stay here." Bruce broke the silence. He could see both the men fighting to stay awake as they slumped over in their chairs.
Thor, surprised by the doctor's comment, sat up in the chair. The blonde wasn't planning on going anywhere. Why would he? Loki may be alive, but he wasn't out of the woods yet.
"I am not leaving my brother while he is still gravely injured," Thor stated as he stood up from his chair. His voice sounded a little offended by Bruce's offer.
Bruce, of course, saw that coming a mile away. He was more directing the comment at Steve, more than anybody. Obviously, Thor's not going to leave his brother's side and Bruce wasn't going to pry the guy off Loki's bedside.
Steve tried to blink the exhaustion out of his eyes. He badly wanted to listen to Bruce and go to bed. Once again, conflict grew inside of him.
"I think you're the one that should rest." Steve said, "You look like you're going to fall over on the spot."
That was a fact. Under the doctor's glasses were tired eyes. Coupled with his disheveled clothes, Bruce looked ready to topple over. He slumped over in the chair, legs splayed out, and sighed.
"I just don't feel comfortable leaving him yet…" Bruce glanced in Loki's direction, "I mean, he was dead less than a day ago."
Steve gave a tired smile and stood up. He admired Banner's devotion to his work. If he was going to stay, Steve knew the solution. There was a closet in the far corner of the room that housed spare sheets and towels. Not long ago, when he had to rush to grab towels, he noticed a foldable cot slid under the bottom shelf. The Captain pulled it out and sprung it open. Not paying attention to Bruce's reaction, he quickly there some sheets on it and pretended to pat the dirt off his hands.
"There," Steve stated, "Now get some rest."
Bruce sat frozen, surprised at his teammate's firm, but soft command. He tried to open his mouth to protest, but Steve was on him.
"Listen. You're not going to of use to anyone if you're passed out on the floor."
Trying again to decline, Bruce was stopped by big hands slipping under his arms and lifted him up. He yelped in response.
"Friend Banner," Thor pulled the doctor up into his arms and walked towards the cot, "If you do not rest, you will have to answer to Mjolnir."
The god roughly dropped Bruce onto the cot and threw a blanket over his head.
"Hey!" Bruce grunted as he pulled the sheet off his head, losing his glasses in the process.
Thor just shrugged and pulled his own chair closer to Loki's bed. The blonde looked back and gave Steve a reassuring nod. The Captain immediately understood that Thor had the situation handled, so he can take his leave.
"Just call me if you need anything." Steve walked to the infirmary door.
"Thank you," Thor replied softly.
Steve gave a weary smirk and eagerly headed up to bed. He decided to wait until morning before he briefed the other Avengers on the situation- they can wait.
Once the Captain turned the corner, the room fell into silence. Bruce fumbled with the sheets before letting out an unintentional yawn. He drew up his hands and rubbed his palms into his eyes. The doctor promised himself he will only rest for an hour or so.
Laying back into the blankets, he looked over to Thor. The god was sitting in the chair, but his upper body was slumped over onto Loki's bedside. He already had passed out. Bruce couldn't help but notice Thor's hand extended out and lightly held his brother's.
Banner smiled at the two. Another yawn escaped his lips as he allowed his eyes to close.
Just for a few hours… He thought.
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(2 weeks later)
Loki felt as if he was being dragged from the burning grip of Hel; sensations came back and consciousness sparked. Of course, with it all, the pained returned. His eyes still refused to budge, and his body felt as if it was weighted down by Mjolnir. Whatever was shoved down his throat was still there.
He laid there for a considerable amount of time, listening to the rhythmic beeping noises around him; it grew annoying real fast. It was finally disturbed by something shuffling. Loki would tense up if his body wasn't already paralyzed. The sounds increased as it drew closer.
With his energy fading quickly, Loki struggled to stay semi-conscious with the presence close. Something then tugged at his chest, thankfully lightly as a small amount of pain came with it. When Loki thought it was over, the pain slowly increased. Whatever it was was hurting him- intentionally?
The hands did something and caused an explosion of agony. It was strong enough for his face to twist in pain. The incessant beeping increased in speed. The hands quickly left, and a voice murmured something.
Before Loki could sense anything more, darkness hit him like a brick wall.
So then, thorough out the next few days… weeks…Loki faded in and out of consciousness. It was like a never-ending nightmare. He'd wake up in tremendous amounts of pain, hands would touch him, voices would whisper, then he'd fall back into the darkness.
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Thor was a wreck. Every day he'd sit at his brother's side holding his hand, comforting him, and making sure he wasn't in any pain. The older brother barely slept or ate. He would refuse missions, selfishly focusing only on Loki.
He began to worry his brother would never wake up. Bruce was apprehensive to give out too many details of Loki's progress. He assumed it wasn't looking good. Thor still felt forever in debt to him for all he's done. Bruce came by multiple times a day to check on his brother's condition. He spent a considerable amount of time taking care of Loki: his brother needed his bandages changed daily and have ointments applied to all the burns; constant monitoring of his oxygen levels, heart rate, and blood pressure; as well as, re-administering fluids and medications.
Countless times Thor would beg to have him remove the chains. Each time Bruce would remind him that Loki was too critical to attempt it. The doctor assured him when Loki wakes up and can breathe on his own, then they can try to remove them.
"Oh, Loki… brother…" Thor sighed, staring at his bother's pale face and lightly squeezed his hand, "Can you give me any sign that you are still with me?"
A twitch was felt in between Thor's clasped hands. He couldn't tell if it was just his mind playing tricks on him, or it was actually Loki.
"Loki?!" The older brother jumped from his seat and hovered over him.
Another twitch came- it was Loki! After weeks and weeks, a smile spread across Thor's face. His brother was alive, and he could hear him.
"Brother," Thor pleaded, "Please open your eyes."
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Brother…
Loki's consciousness sparked. Never had a voice sounded so clear before.
…please open your eyes!
It was easier said than done, Loki thought. He lost track of how many times he's tried. Why was something as simple as opening your eyes been such a challenge? He desperately wanted to open them; Loki could just never do it.
Becoming more and more aware of his surroundings, he could still feel the collar around his neck, something down his throat, and pain. He managed his eyes to screw shut even more as he contorted in agony.
Brother?
It was that voice again. Maybe today would be the day he could open his eyes and see this voice. Some days Loki loved the voice, other times he just wished it would shut up and go away. Nonetheless, he wanted to listen to the voice's pleas.
So, Loki tried and tried again. He fought the darkness with everything he could. The void wrapped around him tight, pulling him down. It felt like he was being dragged underwater. His senses and the voices would start to fade as it dove him deeper. Loki could see the waters surface above; it was calling to him.
Loki.
No. He wouldn't let the darkness pull him under again. Whatever amount of time he's been down there was enough. As inviting as it was to wrap in the painless, dark blanket of unconsciousness, Loki couldn't stay there forever.
So, he swam. He swam as hard as he could against the hold of the void. The voice wouldn't stop calling him. Loki wanted to be with it, to see its owner. The pulling hold on him weakened as he fought. The surface was getting closer. Loki stretched his arm out as he reached for the top. When his fingers broke through the surface, the darkness hold disappeared immediately.
He now had the strength to open his eyes.
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Thor never stopped calling to him- he had to. After he felt Loki's hand twitch and expression change, he knew his brother was fighting to wake up. His calls were loud enough that JARVIS alerted Bruce of the commotion.
"What?!" Bruce dashed into the room, "What's wrong?! What's happening."
The doctor paused when he saw Thor sitting next to his sleeping brother. Realizing the situation wasn't serious, he relaxed a little. Bruce walked up to the bedside and noticed Thor was whispering to Loki.
"Umm, Thor?"
The god snapped out of his trance and turned to see Bruce.
"JARVIS told me you seemed upset…?" Bruce asked awkwardly.
Thor smiled- actually smiled. This surprised Bruce greatly.
"Loki," Thor beamed, "he squeezed my hand!"
The doctor raised his eyebrows, shocked that Loki supposedly moved. He knew gods healed faster than humans but, at the same time, Thor said for some reason Loki was healing slow. For whatever reason, he was surprised the god responded only after a few weeks. Especially after the condition he came to them in.
Bruce scooted in closer to be right next to Thor.
"Loki?" He called, "Can you give me a sign that you're awake?"
Seconds went by with no sign from Loki. Bruce considered that maybe Thor thought he felt something but really didn't. Unconsciously Thor may have been so hellbent on Loki waking up and imagined the whole thing. But he was proven wrong when Loki's brows knitted together. His face started to contort in a mixture of pain and confusion.
"Good, good," Bruce said, "Can you open your eyes for me now?"
As Bruce said this, he realized that Loki was awake. Loki, the God of Mischief… the same god that killed thousands of people a few years ago. The one that tried to murder all of them and almost succeeded. This was the same man that was lying on the bed in front of him. Bruce was a little relieved that they haven't taken off the chains yet. Who knows how he'll react when he wakes up. Although he highly doubted the god could even move, the doctor didn't want to risk it.
Bruce took a few steps back for good measure and Thor moved into his place. It was for the best that Thor should be the first one Loki sees, that is if he could find the strength to open his eyes.
It didn't take long for those questions to be answered as a flash of green peeking out from under his lids. The eyes quickly drew closed, then blinked slowly as he tried to focus. Loki could only make out two blurry shapes above him.
"Loki!"
Loki immediately recognized that voice. It's the same one that's been with him all along. It came from the fuzzy figure on the right. Whoever it was, they held his hand with those familiar large, warm hands. Loki cursed his poor vision. It took forever to make out the person. All he could tell is they had long blonde hair and a red shirt.
…Thor?
He wasn't sure. Could that be Thor? He hasn't seen his brother in… Loki couldn't finish that thought. He didn't know the last time he saw Thor. His memories evaded him. All he knew was that he was Loki and that he was looking up at two people- that's it. There must have been more, but he couldn't remember.
Loki decided the best way to know if its really his brother was to ask him. He went to say something, but nothing came out. Then he realized, that object from before. He remembered something was snaked down his throat. Loki's eyes screwed shut as he let out a strangled gurgle against the tube. He was too weak to lift his arms to pull it out. Turning his head just a little made the pain explode. Loki tried to cry out again. He was so confused. Thor was here. Why would Thor allow this to happen to him?
"Loki, Loki!" Bruce panicked, "I need you to calm down!"
Loki wanted to curse the unfamiliar voice.
Calm down?! You try having some contraption shoved down your throat!
He could barely arch his back before falling back down in pain. All the movements caused machines to beep faster and louder. This only sent Loki into more of a panic.
"Brother!"
It was the voice- Thor's voice. Hazy, frantic eyes searched for him. Why wasn't his brother helping him? Loki couldn't tell if he was choking or dying. Everything hurt, his head swam, and it wasn't getting any better.
Bruce could see Loki start to fight the ventilator. The machine started to beep rapidly as the oxygen flow was being compromised. Now the device wasn't helping anymore but hurting him. Thor tried to hold his brother down to prevent him from injuring himself further.
"Thor," Bruce said, "I think I need to take out the tube."
Thor was shocked by Bruce's decision.
"But does he not need that to breathe?!"
The doctor couldn't say. There's always a chance he could extubate Loki too early. The ventilator wasn't doing him any good. It was a last-ditch effort.
"He might," he said, "If it comes to that, I'll just put it back in.
Thor seemed apprehensive to agree with it. Bruce just assured him that it would be hard to intubate him again. He tentatively agreed; only because of the doctor's confident tone. Thor stood by and was ready to assist.
Loki, however, had no clue what was going on. The voices continued talking as he struggled to breath. One held him down as they both mumbled to each other. He was on the verge of passing out again, but the unfamiliar voice grew louder.
"Loki," Bruce called, "I'm going to take this out of your throat, okay? Don't freak out."
Oh, Norns! Yes, please, take it out!
The doctor gave a curt nod to Thor and removed the elastic band around the back of Loki's neck. Once the mouthpiece was removed, he could focus on the tube. Bruce would have to pull it in one steady motion to make sure it doesn't injure Loki on the way out. Pulling it to roughly may tear his esophagus. Thor kept his hands on his brother's shoulders to help keep him still.
"Alright…" Bruce drew a breath, "Three… two… one…"
With a gentle pull, the tube started to snake its way out of Loki's throat. It was painfully uncomfortable for Loki as he gagged at the motion. His eyes stayed screwed shut as he tried to not cry. Thor held him in place. The older brother didn't even want to watch the process. It horrified him of how long the tube was.
Once it was completely removed, Bruce noticed the edge of the tube was tinged with blood. He realized his lungs were still healing from the damage. Bruce set it down and turned back to Loki immediately as he heard weak coughs. His initial fear of the god subsided as the god at least was breathing- even if it was struggled.
"That's it," Bruce coached leaning down for Loki to hear, "just keep coughing. It will help."
Loki didn't have the energy- or cognitive ability- to deny the voice. If it said it will help him, then he wanted to do it. It wasn't an easy task as his lungs were weak from lack of exercise. Each cough was nothing more than a throaty gurgle.
The sound the god made wasn't good. Bruce grabbed his stethoscope to try to listen in. Loki's lungs sounded absolutely horrible. He now started to reconsider taking him off the ventilator.
Thor had already let go of Loki but hovered close. It pained him to see Loki like this… so fragile. With no medical expertise, he felt like his help was at a standstill.
"Is he okay?!" Thor's voice wavered between confusion and panic.
Bruce kept the stethoscope on Loki. He could hear the movement of fluid in the god's lungs. Maybe coughing could help loosen up whatever's in there and he could cough it out. The only thing was in a laying position it would prove to be difficult.
"I don't know. Let me try something."
Risking Loki's other injuries, Bruce carefully cupped his patient's shoulder and slightly leaned him over to his right side. He hoped this new position will help open up his airways a little more. The doctor then placed the stethoscope on his Loki's back to get a better listen.
"That's it, keep coughing," Bruce tried to encouraged Loki into it. He didn't even know if Loki could even hear him.
Bruce continued to hold him on his side as Thor looked on, confused. The older god was standing up, hunched over the bed, ready to spring in at a minute's notice. He was afraid to do anything now since Banner looked like he had things- to the most part- under control.
The new position actually did help. Loki was finally able to cough out a mixture of old and new blood. It wasn't a substantial amount, but it dribbled down his chin and on Bruce's arm. With his lungs cleared, Loki was able to take a shaky breath. His eyes were still glossy, but the panic in them seemed to subside a little.
Bruce was rather shocked by the amount of blood that came out that now covered him and his patient. The symptoms of both old and new blood weren't the best sign. He would have to get to the bottom of this later.
Before he could ask, Thor was already by his side with some washcloths. Bruce gently laid Loki down onto his back again. His breathing still shaky and uneven. So, Bruce quickly used a towel to wipe the blood off his arm before heading over to fiddle with a nearby machine. Thor stayed at Loki's side tried to clean the blood off his face the best he could.
"Loki, brother…" Thor leaned in, "Are you well? Please tell me what I can do to help you."
Loki didn't respond; his mind wasn't completely there. All his energy was focused on trying to breath, which proved to be very difficult. Every other gulp of air, he would wheeze a little before letting off a weak cough. It was a painful and draining process for Loki to repeat.
"Banner," Thor turned to his friend panicked, "he isn't breathing well!"
Bruce was already on it as he rolled up a small machine. He held a clear, bowl-shaped object in his hand. It had a tube extending out of it and into the machine. Bruce stretched out the rubber band attached to each side and cupped over Loki's mouth and nose. The elastic was used to hold it in place as it was wrapped around the back of Loki's head. All the doctor had to do was flip a switch for the machine to buzz to life.
"This is an oxygen mask," he explained, gesturing to the device around Loki's face, "this will help him breathe without having to put the tube down his throat. We just need to monitor him closely to make sure he continues to breathe on his own."
Thor didn't like all these Midgardian devices. They were loud and cumbersome. If only Loki was stable enough to take to Asgard. The healers there could maybe help him more… but then Thor remembered about Loki's bad reputation. They would just throw him in the dungeons as soon as he was deemed well enough.
Loki didn't quite know what to think of whatever device was on him. He was thoroughly exhausted from the events. Everything in the room seemed to spin. It felt better to just keep his eyes closed. The cool air that hit his face was oddly soothing. Loki soon found it easier to breathe- be it the pain was still there. As soon as the panic seemed to fade, his body deemed itself stable enough to fall asleep. Loki didn't have a choice in the matter. His body was spent from all the exertion. Darkness blanketed his mind as he passed out.
All the machines in the room suddenly became quieter. Each one indicated a more normal function. Bruce sighed in relief at the sight. If Loki fell asleep, that means he was able to breathe decently. This all was another positive sign towards the god's recovery. Loki still had a far ways to go. Two weeks ago, Bruce never thought this would even happen. He was sure then and there at Loki's arrival that he would die.
These guys aren't called gods for nothing… Bruce thought.
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Next Chapter: Break My Binds
Word Count: 5,330
Updated On: 10-6-19
Posted On: 10-6-19
