"Welp, that was fun!" Birdetta turned back to her crew. The inferno was in full view behind her. "Now as much as I'd love to see the look on Peach's face when she sees we broke her wittle professor's playpen, I'd rather blow this dump. Time to move! The show's over!"

At the base of the hill, two Shyguys flipped up a chunk of the earth to reveal a pipe underneath. Birdetta couldn't help but chuckle to herself as her gang started to pile in. If that 'blew' them away, hehe hehe, just wait until I blow up that castle! I'm gonna record it on VHS, for posterity.

More and more Shyguys jumped into the pipe, taking the plunder from Gadd Science, Inc. ROB's busted head limply went plunging into the underground below.

I don't have much time. I've already lost my glasses, I can't be this useless! Elvin slid his right foot against his left. I need to give Peach a trail to follow! I don't know how these fiends move around, but this is as good a start as any!

His loafer slid out from under his heel and dangled from his toes. Now all I have to do is make sure I'm not noticed! I'm sorry I couldn't do more Peach, but this is the best I've got. I hope it helps. Good luck. I love you.

Birdetta looked into the pipe. "Everyone nice and comfy down there?!"

"Yes, Lady Boss!" "We're getting the Warp Zone ready now!" "Lady Boss Birdetta, they won't stop stepping on my feet!"

"Happy to hear the good news!" Birdetta slung Elvin around and held him over the pipe and the dark depths within. "I'm going to cover our tracks, you guys-"

Wait an eggshell-cracking moment.

Something on the old snotrag was off. Birdetta turned around. His shoe dropped directly behind her. "Hmmmmmm..." Birdetta glanced back to Elvin. "You must think this is my first kidnapping."

She kicked the shoe into the pipe. "You guys move ahead. Be ready to warp as soon as I get down."

Grabbing Elvin by the throat, Birdetta hoisted the professor high overhead and slammed him back into the dirt. "So you think I'm so bozo off the street, don't you?! You don't think I know when people try to one-up me? Well, answer this, Mr. Brilliant Scientist. What are you going to do after I do THIS-"

Birdo jumped, stomping right down on Elvin's exposed ankle. The crack was only drowned out by the flames on the other side of the hill.

"UUUUUUMMMMMM! UUUUUMUMUMUMMUUMUUMPH!" Elvin writhed among the grass, trying to reach out for his ankles but his arms were still tied.

Birdetta just looked down at him. "You made me do that! I wasn't even gonna hurt ya until you made me mad! So how's it feel Gadd?! Huh?! Where does it hurt?! Tell me! I need you to scream a little louder!" While it was extremely amusing to watch the old worm wiggle back and forth, she was on a schedule. "Bowser paid me to keep you alive, not on one piece," grabbing him by the neck, Birdetta hoisted him up overhead, "and there are plenty of pieces you don't need to keep breathing. I'll be happy to show you more unless you wanna finally decide to behave."

Elvin's whimpering was all the answer she needed.

"Well, if you're finally ready to be a good little hostage, it's about time we-"

Flames flashed bright crimson, exploding next to Birdetta in a brilliant burst of power. The mercenary flew back, falling headfirst into the pipe, shrieking all the way down, down, down into the pitch black, her echoes getting swallowed by the abyss.

Whatever that...thing, was, it was probably going to be back. Probably with more. And there was no way Sheik was fighting with this headache. Even going down this hill was not something she was looking forward to. Just one foot after another.

"One second," Sheik reached for his kunai, "I'll have you free in-"

Where was his kunai?

Sheik blinked. A quick pat-down. His kunai were gone, and...why wasn't his feeling his needles? Literal hundreds of needles around his body, painstakingly designed to form an underneath layer of armor...and they were just gone.

Why would he not have this? With every transformation to become Sheik, the needles should be there. Why wouldn't they be there? When did he lose them? He woke up on a table, sounded by walking bombs that...to be honest, thankfully didn't shut up. A little Farore's Wind to escape the blast did the rest. That ticking was still annoying though. But before that. Why wake up as Sheik? What about the pyre? The pyre...happened, right?

Sheik looked around for smoke. There was some, actually really close! Wait...that was the building that just blew up. What even was that anyway? None of this looked like Hyrule. Where in the world is here anyways? Maybe this was all a dream. She should probably be waking up soon. Really soon. Sheik looked at his right hand. I'll just force myself awake. Calling upon the Triforce Of Wisdom, Sheik reached deep inside the mind. Sheik could remember...remember...leaving the pyre, with Farore's Wind, flying through the air, but to where...it was getting fuzzy...trees. The woods! The Woods! Impa wanted to meet there, right? Right. Impa had said it to her that morning. But after that...Impa didn't come? Why wouldn't she come? She had to have come! But she couldn't remember that or...or anything else.

Is this a dream?

Sheik looked back at the Triforce. No. This couldn't be a dream. Zelda had mastered lucid dreams years ago. Any time she had wanted to wake up, she just had to put enough energy and focus into the Triforce. She was even able to estimate how much time had passed in her dream, waking up to have enough time to do whatever she pleased and return to bed undetected. This had been especially useful ever since Link moved in.

Link.

Goddesses, Link! He was still missing! Wherever this was, maybe this place was the key to finding him.

"Hey," Sheik walked over to the hostage. The man was lying there bound and gagged; left foot completely crushed. "actually, one moment." With the power of the Triforce, Sheik called upon the energy of the Golden Goddess of Flame.

Din's Fire.

With a flick of the hand, flames materialized, settling in the center of the palm. Only one way to make sure they weren't coming back.

Walking over to the hole in the ground, Sheik dropped it in and waited. An explosion illuminated the dark, smoke quickly rising.

If they were thinking of coming back up, that should make them reconsider. At least, what's left of them.

He turned back to the captive. "You'll be free in just one second." Sheik held up one finger, still aflame with Din's fire. Slicing straight through, the poor old man was free in seconds and quickly took the chance to slowly peel off the tape off his face.

"That-that was amazing! Who are you?! How did you survive the explosion?!"

Sheik tilted his head. What was this person saying? Zelda had been scholastically taught every language Hyrule ever negotiated with. And this whatever this person was speaking was completely foreign. How was that even possible?

The man keeled over, grasping at his shattered ankle. A deep purple was already setting in, and the swelling was getting visibly larger.

Elvin crawled away as whoever-this-was. Whatever they were about to do, the Bit would do it faster. Getting to Peach's Castle was the top priority. Now...how to show the way. Elvin peered into the night. His glasses had been broken before the explosion, so he couldn't even point the right way to someone who wasn't from this world and wouldn't know a clue about what he was saying. This was the blind leading the blind here.

Sirens were ringing out in the distance, steadily getting louder. "Aha! Perfect timing!" Elvin let out a round of applause.

Well, whatever that noise is, he seems to like it. Sheik settled down in the grass. Something was happening soon. Answers should be coming with it.

Lights swirled around in the darkness as firetrucks piled in. Squads of Toad firefighters rushed out from the trucks, carrying elongated fire hoses on their backs.

Sheik couldn't believe his eyes. This was incredible. What form of chariot was this? They were so massive, so red!

Elvin staggered to his feet, trying to hop on his one good leg. Sheik easily hoisted him up into a princess-style carry as rescue teams approached.

"Are you okay?" "Are there any casualties in there?!" "What happened?!"

"There's no one in there! It was Bob-ombs set off! Please just put it out!"

"Bob-ombs? Wha?!" The Toads just shook their heads. "Alright boys, let's get to work!"

An ambulance pulled up behind the firetrucks.

"Here come the Emergency Medical Toads."

"Take me to the princess' castle! We have to go there now!"

"The only place you're going is a hospital! Come on, don't struggle, it will only make your injuries worse." The EMT pointed at Sheik? "Are you okay? Do they have a concussion, do you understand me?"

"Doesn't speak the language, but they aren't injured."

"Okay, they're still riding with us to Mushroom Kingdom General Hospital. Get on the gurney, let's move."

"MKGH this EMT, Bringing in two."

Radio kicked on.

"Hello, who am I speaking to?"

"Toadsworth, of the Princess' Royal Cabinet."

"Elvin Gadd and an unknown individual. Both are conscious and breathing. Gadd has a shattered ankle that will need immediate medical attention"

"Please bring them to Toadstool Castle."

"Our orders are to always bring rescues to Mushroom Kingdom General."

"I have already discussed it with your superiors. Please, come to the castle. Everything will be taken care of and you will receive no condemnation."

The EMTs shared a look.

"Roger that. We're on our way now."

Wooooooooah. How did they get so much stuff in here? Sheik probed every inch of the interior. Grabbing the first bag he saw, he instantly ripped it open and riffled through the contents. Bottles and packets spilled to the floor. I don't recognize any of these. What is all of this? Sheik opened a bottle and sniffed it, but alas, no clue. He turned his attention to the devices surrounding him instead. Ooh. This looks funny What's it do?

Elvin waved his arm's trying to get his rescuer's attention, but they were far too busy sliding a cervical collar up to their knee. "Psst! Hey, these aren't toys! You just can't play with that? Put that back!"

"Did you say something?" One of the EMTs turned around to find Sheik tapping on an ECG monitor. "Hey! What are you doing?! This isn't a candy store! Drop it!"

Realizing how angry the little mushroom person was, Sheik dropped the weird line box. Right on its face. A sharp crack broke out upon impact with the ground.

"Bro, are they gonna take that out of our pay?"

Elvin put his hands up. "I'll pay for it, don't worry."

"You better!" The EMT point outside to the plume of smoke darkening the night even more. "That looks like it's gonna be one heck of an insurance check!" The EMT turned back to Sheik. "Now stay put before you break anything else!"

"I think I'll just ride from up top." She swung the ambulance door open.

"What are you doing?! Are you crazy?! This is a moving vehicle!" The EMT lunged forth.

Sheik hoisted himself up by the door and climbed onto the roof, slamming the door with his foot. This vehicle had a steady hum to it. Wasn't the sound of any animal he was familiar with, how was this thing moving? Oh well, questions for later. There seemed to be a specific destination they were heading towards. Maybe he would get answers there? Honestly, this is a much better view. Not too fast, but not noticeably slow either. The moon was in its rebirth tonight; the only light was from the stars and the lights on the front of the chariot. Wait, they put lamps on the front? What a novel idea! What kind of place was this?!

Traveling the road, Sheik noticed mushroom people standing outside of their houses, looking at the fire in the distance, and the chariot as it passed by. At least, the houses that had smaller wagons. Many of them didn't have much at all. Strange.

A castle was quickly coming into the view. Definitely not Sheik's. This had to be some other kind of country. Hopefully, Sheik could get answers here. Without having to change back.

At the front of the drawbridge stood another mushroom person. The EMTs quickly came to a stop and unloaded Elvin. As soon as Sheik dropped down from the roof did the EMTs get back in the ambulance and speed up.

"Toad. Good to see you. Well...see is a relative term." Elvin wiped his eyes. Nope, still blind as a swoop. "Where are the others?"

Another mushroom man with a rather dapper mustache and spectacles was waiting for them.

"Toadsworth's working on a press release. I've been trying to get Peach up, but she's out like a smashed lightbulb."

"Is she gonna be okay?"

"I'm a little more worried about you, Elvin. Which is why I snagged these from her."

Toad offered up Peach's two Bits. "You'll be getting more use out of them than she will. Come on, let's get you patched up quick."

"Well, I've always wondered what it felt like." Elvin took the Bit and healed himself. "Tingly!"

"Let me guess," Toad turned to Sheik, "you're not from around here? Here let me take care of it." He reached up on his tip-toads and tapped Sheik on the head.

What a nice glow. Sheik relaxed, letting the warm surge of energy wash over him.

Wait a minute.

That man. The man at the Dragmire Estate, the burglar. That man. That man that she had fought. That man had a glow in his hand just like this! That's where she'd been after the pyre! How could Sheik have forgotten?! All of this had to be connected to Link somehow, it just had to be!

"Whew!" Elvin hopped around on his foot, which proved to be good as new." That feels so much better!"

"And now with that out of the way, we still have the ramifications of a blatant act of war."

"Which reminds me: Birdetta said that Bowser has proclaimed victory already. Apparently, he has some master plan he's gonna carry out."

"Great. And with Peach out of commission, who's gonna step up? We're practically sitting fungi right now!"

A hand came down on Toad's shoulder. He looked up. The Sheil was enshrouded in a brilliant golden-white light.

"Who's Bowser?" He glanced at the Bit in his hand. "And more importantly, what have I missed?"


Step away – walk away
All I want is the real thing
Step away – walk away
(Nothing but the real thing)