No matter how many victories they achieve, some heroes may never be able to retire.

On a remote mountaintop on r/RWBY, the legendary Austin walked out of a cave with a large bundle of pamphlets.

"Chapter 6 of New Gods is good to go, Yukon, I'm sure the people will love this one."

As he walked forward, he saw that his hover transport had turned into a biplane. Uh oh… What had happened in the last few days? Upon closer examination, he found a seagull and a carrier pigeons with notes. The seagull's note explained the situation, and ended with:

I cannot help until the rebellions on r/ArkosForever are crushed. In the meantime, r/RWBY needs more heroes. For details, see the other note. Sorry to disturb you, but the situation is dire.

-Blue Whale King, AKA Admiral Bluewhale

"Admiral Bluewhale… Where have I heard that name before?" That list of casualties was shocking, though. Inferno, Gwydion, Quixotic, nearly all of the Mods, and many others. It was too much to take in all at once.

The pigeon's note was from someone much more familiar.

"Dear Austin,

I am holding a meeting in the neutral zone at the Cemetery of the Deleted, main pavillion, noon tomorrow. I would like to create an Alliance of Rubyland ships in order to restore order and solve this crisis. I need your help. In order to ensure we get enough representatives at the meeting, please write the time and place of the meeting on the back of each new chapter before you distribute them. I apologize for the inconvenience. Hope to see you there.

-Peter s. Nachbar"

"It seems the wars are never ending this year. I guess it is about time for myself and Armed and Ready to get involved again."

Austin walked back to the cave to add Peter's message to the backs of the chapter.

"That's a surprise," said Yukon as he fed the pamphlets back through the typewriter, "but I still can't leave. I really need to finish this."

"I understand. Wait, why are you adding 'Punch and pie?'"

"More people will come if they think you have punch and pie."

"Whatever, I hope that doesn't come back to bite me."

Spoiler: it will.

A few hours later, the message was on all the new chapters, and Austin flew off to distribute them.

The next day, at the Cemetery of the Deleted

It wasn't long before the main pavillion was full of people from all over the Subreddit. It seemed Peter didn't have to worry about attendance. It was still a few minutes before noon, so the gathered representatives and soldiers talked amongst themselves while they waited for the meeting to start.

"I wonder where Celtic is," asked Jannis. "It's not like him to miss something like this."

"He's over at r/ArkosForever," said Branwen, "fighting EnTAIre World. I will represent Position of Power and Team ADAM."

"Generic's missing too," said Armory.

"He's back at HIATUS Labs, trying to find a solution," said Venom. "We'll have to fill him in later."

"I don't even know what's going on here," said Azrael Saint.

"I can't believe my friend club is now a ship fighting a war," said Kaboom CDXLIV, founder of Hot Wheels.

"And I can't believe my gardens are the same," said Alfonse, leader of Go Ren. "Had I known, I would have planted sugar pines along the enemy lines years ago. Then the falling cones would drop on their heads and force them to turn back."

"I'm not sure that's a viable tactic," said Nitesco Gaming, the aging Prime Minister of Guns N' Roses.

"Hey, every little bit helps," said MacGregor Rose.

"Falling pine cones? Really? In a wartime situation, cover, fuel, slope stabilization, and timber are much better and more realistic uses for trees."

"I know, Tanya, I just didn't want to look like a dick."

"Nitesco! Long time, no see," said Austin as he spotted his old friend.

"Hey Austin, finally out of that wolf's cave," said Nitesco. "I just wish Gwydion and Quixotic were here."

"And inferno and so many others," said Austin. "Good thing half of ANGQ remains. And I've heard you have some new friends. Who are your general and admiral?"

"I'm MacGregor Rose, clone brother of the Goddess Ruby."

"I'm not sure how that would work," said Austin, "but I can see the resemblance."

"It's just an inside joke about my twin sister," said MacGregor.

"And I'm JMHS Rowing. 'Admiral' doesn't really suit me, I only command torpedo boats. I was promoted because our battleship sank."

"You'll grow into it," said Nitesco. He turned back to Austin. "They used those torpedo boats to sink a dreadnought. The same dreadnought that sunk our battleship in minutes."

"Very impressive," said Austin.

"It's amazing to look at all these famous and important people," said Armory, "and realize that half of them will probably be dead within a month."

"Are you a professional asshole or something?" asked Branwen.

"Pretty much," Armory replied, smirking.

"Nice," said Branwen, and shook his hand. Several people around them rolled their eyes or shook their heads in disgust.

"I for one would gladly lay down my life to protect the Rubyland," said Corporal Venom Ahab of Ray of Sunshine.

The representatives continued talking amongst themselves until it was time for the meeting to start. As the clock struck noon, Peter fired a blank round with his pistol to get everyone's attention.

"Thank you all for coming," he said. "I'm sure you all know why we're here. Now, I would like to announce the name of our new alliance, for anyone who will join."

He pulled down a poster and read from it. "R.U.B.E.S. Rapid. Unyielding. Bodacious. Endearing. Strong. There are many new factions seeking to wreak havoc or establish a totalitarian regime. This catastrophe has brought some of the worst people out of the woodwork. Let's show them that it has brought the best as well. We will unite the Rubyland, defeat the forces of chaos and imperialism, repair the APCM, and build a better, brighter Subreddit. Who will join us?"

Slip-Snap raised his hand. "We were to understand there'd be pie and punch?"

Peter gave Austin a look, who just shrugged and put his hands in the air.

"There isn't any," Peter said, "there must have been a misprint. Sorry about that."

"Unbelievable," said Slip-Snap, and walked out of the meeting with several others.

The last one to walk out stopped for a moment to address the group. He wore a Victorian outfit with a top hat, but his hair acted like there was no gravity and it was the color of cotton candy. He also had pointed ears.

"Hear this, denizens of r/RWBY. I am Metas Mundurum Petivero. R.U.B.E.S. has just proved itself unworthy of continued existence. Your time is short, and it's already running out. Tick tock." He held out a pocketwatch.

"Hey!" shouted Branwen. "That's Celtic's watch."

"Was Celtic's watch," said Metas as he left.

"Anyway," said Peter, "now that the uh, non-contributors are gone, let's get back on topic. Who would like to join our alliance?"

MacGregor jumped up. "I would! The Guns N' Roses highlands are always ready to defend the Rubyland."

"I will not let the enemies take the rivers," said Rowing. "Count me in as well."

"I still have a few battles left in me," said Nitesco. "Guns N' Roses is all in."

"I would like to join RUBES as well," said Taco Lord. "I will defend the Rubyland, for Ray of Sunshine and Snowflake Protection!"

"Same here," said Jannis. "You took the words right out of my mouth."

"Ah, what the hell, I'll join," said Armory. "This ought to be interesting."

"Armed and Ready will join as well," said Austin. "The Cargo Clan is ready to protect the Rubyland."

"Including Hot Wheels," said Kaboom.

"It is my desire to restore peace," said Alfonse. "Go Ren will join as well."

The most nondescript looking man in the room spoke up. Until that point, no one had even noticed he was there. "I will help you guys out, but I cannot guarantee I will stay."

"Who are you?" asked Branwen.

"I'm nobody. Nobody Owens."

"Seems suspicious," said Peter, "but we could use all the help we can get."

A Kangaroo Rat from the Collective of Various Rodents scurried on to the table. "You may call me Roo. I'm here to represent the Society for Arc-Nikos Support. Unfortunately, they are under siege. Admiral Blue Whale King, Commander Strike Freedom, and Captain Chaos Vulpix could not attend. But they said they would like to form a non-aggression pact with RUBES."

"It's better than nothing," said Peter. "We will honor a non-aggression pact."

The ground shook as a mech walked into the pavillion, surrounded by troops. The top opened.

"Did somebody say Commander Strike?" asked Tragic Solitude. "Where is he?"

"Oh, that's totally cheating," said MacGregor. "How did that thing survive the Anomaly field?"

Tragic smiled. "I built this thing with WWI technology only."

"It's true," said her right-hand officer, Ebullient Prism. "I helped her build it. The forces of Mechanical Might will be indomitable."

"Will your indomitable force be joining RUBES?" asked Peter.

"Yes," said Tragic. "I've been hunting down the one responsible for this mess. I was there when the ACPM exploded. Melanie Antiqua gave her life to save me. And I know the identity of the culprit!"

"Well, who is it?" asked Rowing. "Don't keep us in suspense!"

"It was LINK! He was hacking up the machine to start Ship Survivor early, and ended up exploding the core!"

The pavilion filled with gasps and murmurs. MacGregor, Armory, Venom, and Jannis, the attending former members of the Pink Rose Gold High Council, were especially distraught.

"No," said MacGregor. "Tell me this isn't true."

"It makes too much sense," said Venom.

"I fucking knew it," said Armory. "I knew he'd go off and do something stupid. I should have slapped his pea-sized brain right out of his head!"

"I should have kept him on a tighter leash," said Jannis.

"It's true," said Tragic. "And I will bring him to justice. Once I find my true love, Striker."

"I don't think she's all there," Armory murmured to MacGregor.

"Strike is married," said Roo. "Here's a picture." He pulled out a photo of Strike and Rosa Cossette D'Elise on their wedding day, captioned with their names.

"What?! Give me that!" Tragic snatched the photo.

"So he has a thot, huh? Even if she is an exceptionally attractive thot, oh yess… What am I saying? Destiny has told me that Strikey is MINE! Where is he?!"

"It's probably best that we don't tell you," said Roo. "Focus on hunting down Link."

"But don't hurt him!" said MacGregor. "He deserves a fair trial."

"He's on r/ArkosForever, defending Arkos of Erusea," said Branwen.

"Hey!" shouted Roo.

"What? I meant Link- ohhhhhh. Sorry."

"Ah, so they're both there," said Tragic. "I can kill two rats with one mechanical foot." The top of the mech closed again, and it walked out of the pavilion. Ebullient Prism and the other Mechanical Might soldiers followed.

"I don't understand how everyone's moving between planets so easily," said MacGregor.

Roo was about to answer, but Peter cut him off. "There's no time to explain. Our next order of business is choosing a base of operations."

"Now's our chance," said Tanya's voice in MacGregor's head.

"I propose that we hold our base in Guns N' Roses," said MacGregor. "Our highlands are extremely well fortified, they will hold out longer than any other base."

Jannis spoke up next. "I propose that we base RUBES in Ray of Sunshine. It has proven itself in the past, and we have a larger base of troops than any other Meme Ship here. We're also in a more central position in Rubyland which will make coordination easier."

"Any other suggestions?" Peter asked. Nobody spoke.

"Ok then, time to put it to a vote. All in favor of Guns N' Roses?" About 40% of the room raised their hands.

"All in favor of Ray of Sunshine?" The other 6o% raised their hands.

"Ray of Sunshine will be our flagship," said Peter.

MacGregor, Rowing, and Nitesco bowed their heads.

"Don't worry," said Tanya's voice in MacGregor's head. "This just means they'll be targeted first. We'll last longer, then they'll see that our position is stronger. We'll rule this league yet."

"Now," said Peter, "we need to determine our next course of action."

Just then, a bullet whizzed past and hit Kaboom in the forehead, killing him instantly.

"What?!" shouted Admiral Eldi XIII, the last surviving member of the Mod Council. "Who dares attack this sacred space?!"

Everyone ducked for cover as more bullets rained down. A voice shouted from a nearby hill. "RUBES ends today! Alcoholism is the future!"

"That made for an easy decision," said Peter. "All RUBES, return fire!"

Once Alcoholism's surprise advantage wore off, they found that they were heavily outnumbered. Still, they had RUBES pinned down from their higher vantage point.

"We can't move or go after them if we don't want to lose anyone else," said Peter, "but we can't let them keep attacking us. Any ideas?"

"We just need to hold out," said Rowing. "They'll run out of ammo before we do."

"How do we know that?" asked one of MacGregor's lieutenants. "They came to fight, we just came to have a meeting."

"Good point, Visha," said MacGregor.

"My name is Cyanide Sins," said the lieutenant.

"Right, sorry Tim."

Cyanide just sighed.

"Help will arrive," said Austin. "Admiral Bluewhale said that Team SANS would join the fight as soon as they could."

"We have no idea how long that's going to take," said Armory. "I say just use some lesser personnel as meat shields and go wipe out the enemy."

"Does the term "moral high ground" mean nothing to you?" asked Alfonse.

"I'm more concerned with literal high ground. And they have it!"

After a minute, the hail of bullets slowed, then stopped. A minute later, Rowing peaked around the corner and looked up the hill. "Everyone, look," they said. "It's safe now."

The Auto Moderator bot was standing there, covered in blood and bullet holes, sword drawn. The corpses of the aggressors lay around it. Eldi gasped and gave a teary-eyed salute. The bot saluted back, and walked off to resume guarding the Tomb of Jillian.

"Impossible," said Peter. "Jillian must have built an anomaly-proof machine!" Eldi just nodded, unable to speak.

"That's all well and good," said Jannis, "but we need to get to a more fortified location before someone else attacks."

Peter nodded. "You're right. Our next order of business is to set up our headquarters in Ray of Sunshine. This meeting is adjourned."

Oh, how sappy. Everything ends well. Boo! And why are we doing a tribute to a Redditor who we've never met and will never read this? The next chapter will be better, it's going to have ME in it!