References of child abuse and corporal punishment, just forewarning! Thanks for the reviews.

Before Everything

Chapter 9

Christine's procedure was a success and once she was healed up; she and Mike went for a couple's weekend at a nearby hotel. The Green's had agreed to babysit the girls, hoping for an introduction to childcare.

While Mike enjoyed the time with his wife, he would have preferred a lazy weekend. Maybe eating dinner out here and there. Instead he had to read all the literature about positions and such. He was uncomfortable and stressing himself out. Mike desperately wanted to give Christine the baby she was hoping for, but it had never been so hard.

The last night at the hotel, Mike was laying next to Christine, not looking at the book she was reading. It was something on how to conceive a baby. Mike knew how to do that. He and Christine had successfully done that with three babies. Why did they need books and such? He reached over and took the book out of Christine's hands, throwing it on the floor next to him.

"Hey, I was reading that!" Christine scolded.

"You don't need to. I have gotten you pregnant twice before, once with twins. We can do this again. I'm tired of books and literature. Of positions. I just want to do what has worked in the past and what we are comfortable with. This feels entirely too rehearsed for me." Mike complained.

"But the doctor said…" Christine started but Mike turned on his side, put a finger on her lips and with the other, grazed her breast with his hand.

"The doctor doesn't know everything. Now, top or bottom?" Mike asked.

"Huh?" Christine asked.

"Do you want on the top or the bottom? Chris, if you intend on us having this baby before we are both fifty, you must decide. Now, you have always enjoyed these weird positions and I am happy to oblige you, but you have to communicate what you want." Mike demanded. While he spoke, he was slowly working her nightgown up and touching her in his favorite places.

"I want on bottom." Christine finally said. She helped Mike remove her nightgown and laughed as he struggled out of his pajama pants. The truth was, Christine hated the idea of having to go through so much to just conceive a baby. It had never been a struggle before and it was something she had enjoyed thoroughly.

A month later, Mike's idea for making a baby proved fruitful. Christine was pregnant. Even Dr. Ryder was surprised. The only wrinkle was that Mike was being deployed to distribute the cure. He barely had any warning but two days before he left, he showed up at the house with paint, a crib, a changing table, a rocking chair and even gender-neutral bedding and décor items. Christine was shocked.

"I don't know if I will be home in time for baby to be here and I don't want you to stress about putting a crib together, let alone painting a room. Now, I will paint. Katie can help me and once its dry, I will put the furniture together. If you don't like the bedding and décor crap, we can get different. I got gender neutral. I hope for a boy but didn't want to tempt fate. Isn't this cute?" Mike said as he held up a little stuffed elephant.

"Its adorable, Mike. You are a sweetheart." Christine said as she gave him a long kiss.

"Yeah, don't tell anyone. Kate!" Mike yelled for their oldest daughter. Kaitlyn came into the living room and smiled at all the baby paraphernalia.

"What's all this?" Kaitlyn asked.

"Baby stuff. I need help painting and you have a steady hand. Good for trim work. Upstairs, young lady." Mike said. Christine smiled at his stern demeanor but knew better. Kaitlyn and Hannah had Mike completely under their spell. They just let him think he was in charge. Both girls adored their daddy.

"I guess I could do that, if it means spending time with you before you leave." Kaitlyn said while grabbing the drop clothe and bag of rollers and brushes. Mike had the paint and tray. Christine winked up at Mike and smiled as Mike put a free hand on Kaitlyn's shoulder. The love Mike had for his kids was so obvious.

"Of course, sweetie. That was my whole idea." Mike told her. Christine knew better but would never tell Kaitlyn that.

"Enjoy yourselves." Christine said. The two of them walked upstairs and Hannah joined Christine in the living room, looking at all the bedding and baby items. Mike had also gotten some baby outfits.

"Mommy, was Daddy this excited when we were born?" Hannah asked.

"Yes. Your daddy always loved it when you were babies. I think you will love watching him with this one. You'll see how he acted with you." Christine explained.

"He told me last night that he was hoping for a boy." Hannah said. She was playing with the little stuffed elephant.

"We both are." Christine said.

"Because you don't love Lucas anymore?" Hannah asked.

"Oh, no. We both still love and really miss Lucas." Christine said. She was not prepared for Hannah to start crying. Hannah had been really upset when she was told of the pregnancy and coming baby and neither Mike nor Christine could get to the bottom of it.

"I wish I had died instead of Lucas. Then you would still have a boy and a girl and wouldn't be having some stupid baby!" Hannah wailed. Christine pulled Hannah onto her lap and kissed the top of her head. Mike was better at dealing with Hannah's moods, but Christine didn't want to disturb him or Kaitlyn's moment.

"Hey, hey. Sweetie, if had been you instead of Lucas, Daddy and I would have still been really upset and we would have missed you. You are our Hannah Banana. We might have even still had another baby. My point is, I don't wish it was you over Lucas. Us wanting a baby boy only has to do with wanting another baby. When we were having Katie, we did the same thing, and again with you and Lucas. We made bets and picked names out and teased and joked. Your dad bought all this Cubs gear when I was pregnant with Katie. And you know what, as soon as she was born, she was in a Cubbies onesie. It didn't matter that it was for a boy. He put a pink headband on her and was perfectly happy." Christine told her. Hannah was snuffling into her shoulder. Christine knew it was more to do with just missing her twin brother and thinking he was being replaced.

"I miss Lucas. You and Daddy never talk about him anymore. Our birthday is tomorrow, and you won't even have a chocolate cake for him!" Hannah complained. Christine always made a chocolate cake for Lucas and a vanilla cake for Hannah.

"Its because we miss him so very much. Tomorrow will be a really hard day for Daddy and me. We are both dreading it." Christine admitted.

"I wish it wasn't my birthday too. Can't I just wait until the next day to have my birthday? Everybody will be all sad and I won't have a good birthday." Hannah said.

"Sweetie, the next day; your daddy is leaving. Don't you want him here for your birthday?" Christine said.

"Yeah but…" Hannah started. She was struggling against Christine.

"And he wants to be here. Maybe God knew what He was doing when He made you and Lucas twins. Maybe He knew that we needed to still be a little happy on your birthday after we lost Lucas." Christine tried to reason as Hannah stood up.

"I HATE GOD!" Hannah yelled. Christine heard Mike running down the stairs just a second later. Hannah was in trouble and Mike didn't even know the full extent of the conversation. Of the two of them, Mike was more religious and would not put up with what Hannah had said.

"Young lady, yelling at your mother and saying that about God is not appropriate at all. Room now!" Mike ordered.

"Mike, the paint fumes? Her room is right next to the nursery." Christine argued. Sending Hannah to her room was a better option than spanking her but still, it gave Christine a chance to explain everything. However, Mike's emotions were too raw, considering that he would be leaving in a few days, Lucas' birthday and missing most if not all her pregnancy.

"You're right. She can't go upstairs. Hannah, here now." Mike ordered. He pulled Hannah in front of him, sit down on the ottoman and pulled her over his knee.

"Mike, stop until I explain why she said that…" Christine warned as the first blow to Hannah's bottom landed. Mike shook his head at her and landed several more blows before sitting Hannah up. Hannah was sobbing miserably and ran for Christine who had walked into the kitchen so not to face what Mike was doing. She pressed her little face into Christine's belly and wrapped her little arms around her. Christine wrapped her own arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

"Hannah, I was not done with you!" Mike boomed.

"You have done quite enough. Go upstairs. Spend your time with Katie and I will talk to Hannah." Christine exploded.

"Excuse me?" Mike argued. One agreement they had early on was that when one of them was disciplining one of the kids, the other wouldn't step in.

"You heard me. Go. Just remember, you and I are not the only ones grieving for Lucas." Christine said.

"I…what happened?" Mike asked.

"No. I will not explain this now. You go. I have to calm her down before anything. Go upstairs." Christine ordered. Mike nodded, but before he did; he bent down, kissed the top of Hannah's head and whispered something in her ear. He gave Christine a look and went back upstairs.

"Daddy must really hate me." Hannah finally said. Christine knelt next to her and smiled.

"Daddy needs to learn how to control that temper, but I promise, he loves you so very much. He did kiss you, didn't he? Christine asked.

"Yeah." Hannah said.

"What did he whisper in your ear?" Christine asked.

"That he was really sorry." Hannah said.

"There you have it. Now, you're holding your bottom and I know he hit you hard. Can I see?" Christine asked and Hannah nodded. Christine turned her around and lowered Hannah's leggings. Sure enough, her bottom was a deep red and even her lower back and upper legs had handprints on them. Mike had not been very careful with where the spanking had landed.

"Its hurts really bad. I was wiggling around too much. I don't think Daddy meant to hit my back or legs." Hannah said.

"I'm sure he didn't. Daddy would never hurt you that badly. How about this. I was going to make your cake tonight but when I got stuff for cakes, out of habit I got stuff for Lucas's too. Why don't we just make both cakes? You can help me while Katie and Daddy work on the baby's room." Christine asked and Hannah nodded vigorously. The little girl loved to bake.

"Yeah! Please! I'll be better, Mommy; please!" Hannah begged.

"Alright. First, I'm going to go upstairs and change my shirt and speak with Daddy. Why don't you go in the powder room and wash your face and hands? You'll feel better." Christine suggested.

"Okay, Mommy. I'm glad you still love me, even if Daddy can't anymore." Hannah said happily. Before Christine walked away, she caught Hannah's chin in her hand.

"Sweetie, Daddy loves you more than life and while he just messed up; he didn't mean to hurt you like that. We are all a little more emotional then normal right now." Christine said.

"Okay." Hannah said. Christine released her and headed upstairs. She stepped into the nursery and gestured for Mike to follow her. He walked into the master bedroom behind her and shut the door.

"Mike, she has welts and the beginning of bruises on her behind, lower back and upper legs. I'm sure you didn't mean to do that, but the thing is, Hannah isn't so sure. She says she thinks you didn't mean to, but she thinks because she lived and Lucas didn't, you hate her. And I am agreeing with her." Christine said as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"You know better." Mike argued.

"You allowed our child to go through terrible medical experiments. You just beat on her. Mike, what other reason could there be? I don't do ultimatums well, but here is one. If you ever, ever lay anything but a loving hand on one of my children, this baby included, I will take them to a place where you will never find them. Period, end of story. Now, the reason Hannah said that was because she is grieving for Lucas. She doesn't want to celebrate her birthday tomorrow. I mentioned that God must have known what He was doing when He made her a twin so we wouldn't be so sad on their birthday. Hannah is just a little girl. She doesn't understand everything she says. I know things are crazy right now, but I think once you get back from deployment, you need to look for a counselor. Whatever is going on with you concerning Hannah must be dealt with. Once she is older and has a choice in the matter, if things continue; it will not be good." Christine warned.

"I love Hannah. How many times do I have to say that to the two of you?" Mike asked.

"Mike, you love your daughter. I will not argue with that, but you hate the fact that she lived, and Lucas didn't. Even if you don't realize it, you do. It causes deep resentment and Hannah is caught in the crossfire. You do fine on the day to day, but every now and then, your temper overrules your good sense and you do something like you just did. If we were pre-Red Flu, you would be reported for abuse of a child. No one cares about such things now so I will leave you with that warning. Mike, I am serious. As much as I love you and as much as you love the kids; if I ever see or hear of you injuring them or hurting them in anyway; I will be out of this door faster than you can beg me not to and I will take them with me." Christine said. Mike knew she was serious.

"You'd…leave me?" Mike said.

"In a heartbeat, if it came to my kids." Christine said. She found an old t-shirt in her dresser and changed into it.

"They're mine too." Mike said. He had sat down on the and had his head in his hands.

"I know. And I know that you love them deeply. Mike, as I said. I love you but you cannot keep doing this. More than anyone, you are hurting Hannah. We can both agree the girls are allowed to grieve too. We've both lost a sibling, but Hannah and Lucas were different. They were womb-mates, best friends, everything. You know when they were born, Lucas came out first, and Hannah followed just a second later. When the nurse laid them on my chest, they were holding hands. Who is to say that Hannah's loss isn't bigger than ours? Now, I want you to go downstairs, properly apologize to Hannah and tell her that you love her with every fiber of your being and then come back up here and spend the afternoon with Katie. Tomorrow, we have to get through the day because Hannah will not. Her coping mechanisms are not the same as ours. As her parents we have to understand that." Christine said before giving him a kiss on the top of the head. She took Mike's hand and lifted him off the bed. Before they could leave, Mike pulled her into a hug.

"You know, I was really lucky when I tricked you into marrying me?" Mike said, reminding her of an old joke.

"Best mistake I ever made." Christine said. She gave him a soft kiss and then led him downstairs. Hannah was sitting at the kitchen island, staring at her hands. Mike nodded at Christine and then picked Hannah up. He sat down on the same barstool and settled Hannah onto his lap.

"Hannah, I am sorry for what happened. Mommy explained everything to me and I didn't react how I should have. I promise, I never, ever would have hurt you on purpose. Mommy told me that your back and legs were hurt too. Can I do anything to make it better?" Mike asked.

"No." Hannah said bitterly.

"Alright. Well, Mommy and you have plans this afternoon but tomorrow; you and I are going to spend some time together. Now, in case you were wondering; I love you so very much. I miss Lucas every second of every day, but in no way do I wish it was you instead. Hannah, I don't know how to fix this, but in a few days, I will be leaving and I don't want this between us and frankly, you don't either. What do you say?" Mike asked.

"Actually, you can help my behind feel better. When you and Katie get done and Mommy and I are done, can you hold me like this. You're all warm and it feels better." Hannah begged.

"Of course, sweetheart. I could definitely do that." Mike agreed.

"Okay." Hannah said. Christine could tell she hadn't quite forgiven Mike but what he had done was not easily forgivable.

"Sweetie, give Daddy a kiss." Christine ordered.

"Its okay. I won't force her to. Hannah, just please know, I am so, so, sorry and I love you so very much." Mike told her before giving Hannah a kiss on the forehead. She reached up and patted his cheek.

"I love you too, Daddy but sometimes I don't like you very much." Hannah said honestly.

"And that is perfectly alright." Christine told her before Mike could say anything.

"You enjoy your baking and find me when its time to lick the beaters and spoons." Mike told her as he put her on her own two feet. He stood up and gave Christine a long kiss before running up the steps.

"You feel better?" Christine asked.

"A little." Hannah said. Christine tied a child-sized apron around the little girl. Christine had gotten all her baking items out while Mike talked to Hannah and she let Hannah crack the eggs and measure the dry ingredients. Hopefully the next day would be easier.