"I need to say something that, just isn't my feeling of the world that I once knew. I always gave the world an existential perspective that bordered on the pessimistic side but in reality that's been my vision since I was a little boy just trying to make the world a more happy place. To give me a reason to live without making some cheery knitwit out of myself. To not feel helpless in a world surrounded by those who don't care but you are different then the rest."

"I grew up in a semi happy household with a mother who wanted nothing but to have me smile and be joyful with life, to always look at the world with a positive attitude. I was her special boy ever since she gave birth to me. But to every ying there's a yang like a matching pair of socks you despised every Christmas morning. My father was a man who was influenced by the religion he followed. To do everything their beliefs mandated from birth to death to get a seat to the ivory gates. Now as any parent would teach to their child, they give you the mindsets and themes they learned from their journey to prepare you for the long walk. He gave me teachings that I never truly forgot even after what happened, everything one-sided leaving the other half out as leaving porch furniture outside to rust with time. But with time you try to follow it just to satisfy his goal for modeling his only son as a true son of god. To follow a religion as corrupt as all the others, flawed in so many ways. But you just accept that people are bedded in the influences your parents had experienced before you. A cycle that crippled my beliefs even to this day as I speak to you today."

"My mother just stood there, she knew I didn't want to follow in my father's footsteps. She helped and supported me the best she could but she was still my father's wife, it's not she could have said that I didn't want to be a believer like him. No that was a choice I had to make myself but I never found the courage. I had the angst to tell him as young as 9 but at the time I knew that he would of been crushed. Actually in all honestly I wasn't sure how he'd respond to that message. Whether anger with spite, shame and depression, or just shune me as a lost cause. A failed attempt to make me the best man I could be. I was too afraid to tell him how I felt and it's something I've always regretted. I've never told you the joke of it all the part that made me gasp with relief."

"They say divorce is always hardest on the children, well who ever said that was only half right. It made me relaxed with my life. Granted it wasn't a walk in the park but I didn't cut myself over it well not yet at least. To not have to pray every day, no eating restrictions, no one-sided lifestyle, no more lying to myself. I didn't fully process the divorce in the beginning but for a time I felt something that was lost from me for so long, my ability to choose how I wanted to live. I tried to stay strong for my mother, to not show that I was weak, to not need support, to show that I was capable of being a strong independent young man. It worked but I shut off how I was feeling on the inside for a while. I'm sure you could see where I'm going with this."

"I was never the popular kid even before the divorce. Hell I never told anyone about the split except for a handful of people. I was a little ashamed of to be in that old outdated statistic. To not see my father until two years later was reflecting on my social skills a bit. To not get connected with people because you know you'll lose them, that's just inevitable in life no matter how much you deny it. Sure they're there now but never when you truly need them. All but mother, she was always there for me but I never truly appreciated it, to be blind to someone that would die for you and does nothing but love you wasn't something I understood fully. But with you I understand."

"I tried to play the fool with people. I made jokes to make people laugh and they did which gave me that title of humorous and sarcastic. I had a serious expression on my face that still appears from time to time you, know what I'm talking about. But I still was a young boy who had to become the man of the house. With that weight and holding myself was to much to bear to the point I cried myself to sleep every night for a couple weeks. To have the intention to hurt myself through self abuse. To feel something real again, by that time I was desensitized to my encoursens for years. On the outside to people I was just angry looking kid who hated everything and had no real assistance on how to process my true emotions. On the inside I was smashed vase that took time to put together, even after being put together the glue shows where I cracked mentally. I didn't care about anyone at that time because I felt alone. No I don't have to be alone anymore I have you. Someone that understands me."

"Being an outcast was a set place for me, I had few friends who meant well but never really grasped the full picture of what I was going through. The rest were business associates so to speak, people I would never see after college but that's for another time. I was used to being alone and with constant depression, it was a great combination like sweet and salty or salt and pepper. I know that there are people who were worst off than me but at the same time there are those who don't know the feeling of sheer indescribable sadness. Being put in that middle ground pissed me off like being the middle child in a family. I was set on an interesting path after that well you could use your imagination."

"No, your files have nothing recorded before the accident."

"Well let's say I gave you a first time memory of me and my past."

"Thank you for sharing with me Mistah J, that must not have been easy for you."

"Actually sweets all it takes is someone that's special enough to understand and listen to one's problems."

"I'll always listen to you Mistah J you're the most important person to me. I love you puddin."

"I love you too Harley Quinn. So much that I feel like I'm going insane."

"Too late daddy."