Double D woke up to hear church bells, and Ed poorly singing a chorus.

"O' Holy Buttered Toast which represents our combined minds and souls, let the butter on your cooked bread represent the sperm of Jesus!" Ed preached, dressed up in an old church outfit. Said church outfit was a pair of ass-less chaps.

Double D tried to move, only to discover that he was tied to a cross and wearing nothing but a loincloth, a very itchy crown of thorns and a $2.99 fake beard. He looked around and realized he was in Eddy's room.

"May the three fragments of God's heart bless you all; O' Holy Buttered Toast, this chicken in my underpants, and Rolf's pet goat Victor!" Ed preached.

A chicken squawked and ran out of Ed's pant leg.

"Ed! Stop singing about buttered toast!" Eddy screamed, like a mother asking to see the manager.

"That is a buttery sin, Eddy."

As if on cue, lightning came through an open window. Eddy was lit up with the fury of ten million weed stashes, lighting him up like a disturbing sparkler.

"No Mr. Cosby, I did not kill Kennedy…" Eddy said, cartoonishly dizzy.

He slapped himself awake and let off a resonating screech.

"HEY SOCKHEAD! TELL YOUR BIBLE BUTT BUDDY THERE TO STOP SINGING!" Eddy yelled.

"I've been violated enough already, I don't want to test Ed's homosexuality too!" Double D yelled.

"SILENCE! Here comes the Virgin Maries!" The Spies said in unison, revealing themselves to be wearing cave girl outfits.

"Oh NO! The scientific prowess of paleontology is my biggest turn-on!" Double D yelled.

"Hey, what's with the lewd cavewoman getup?! I thought you girls were supposed to be nuns!" Eddy yelled.

The Spies replied with a stern look, shutting Eddy up immediately.

"I'm sorry! Please, I won't question you again!"

The spies smiled. Donning skimpy loincloths and small bras, the Spies set off to unvirginate Double D's Christian Cock.

Double D was about to beg for mercy but remembered that lightning had struck through an open window. To his horror, Rolf was watching through the window with a really weird look on his face.

"ED! EDDY! DO SOMETHING!" Double D yelled.

Ed took a look at a stolen Taco Bell menu and shrugged.

"Rape is not a sin in the Book of Toast, Double D." Ed replied.

"At least close the window so nobody can see!" Double D yelled again.

Meanwhile, Rolf was getting more and more turned on by the sight in front of him.

"What goes on in Sockhead Ed Boy's House of Thottery? Will Rolf have to use his little meaty friend once more today?!" Rolf said, climbing up Eddy's window.

"No way, Sockhead! It'd get way too hot in here!" Eddy yelled.

"Isn't that the point?" Clover asked.

"Hello, Ed boys! Many windows, yes?" Rolf said as he stood on the windowsill.

"EEEEEEEDDYY!" Double D yelled.

"Pipe down Sockhead, I'm getting the camera rea—AAAAAHHHHH! What the hell, Rolf?!" Eddy yelled as he noticed Rolf's giant cock hanging out.

"Rolf's meaty warrior requires nourishment, Ed Boy! Care to watch as Rolf delivers the almighty Shepherd's beating to his meat?" Rolf asked.

"DO SOMETHING EDDY, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!" Double D yelled.

Rolf began to beat his meat at speeds previously thought impossible.

"Fapping butter goes best with three cups of windowsill!" Ed replied, grabbing hold of the window.

Ed slammed the window down on Rolf's wiener, eliciting a scream of pain. It looked as if Rolf was singing opera from the other side of the soundproof glass.

Double D breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you, Eddy."

"You're welcome, Sockhead. Now let's get this porno started!" Eddy yelled as he whipped out the video camera.

"Wait wh—OHH NOO!" Double D yelled, remembering what was in store for him.

"Alright girls, initiate the triple sexy milking technique we worked on!" Clover ordered.

"Oh boy! All that practicing we did on Double D will finally pay off!"

Double D was scared, but also confused.

"What do you mean you practiced on me!?"

Sam looked up at him while the other two pulled his loincloth off.

"Don't worry, we practiced while you were asleep!"

Ed assisted with top tier recording equipment.

"EEEEEEEDDYYYYYY!" Double D screeched, about to be violated once more.

"Ah, ejaculation! The butter of life!" Ed exclaimed.

Eddy got pissed off at Ed, as usual.

"ED! Will you quit preaching about 'butter'?!" Eddy yelled.

Ed shook his head with disappointment.

"This is your second sin, Eddy. I'd advise that you do not disrespect the butter again." Ed replied.

This response only angered Eddy more. Before Eddy could reply, however, the hairs on his head spontaneously caught on fire.

"AHHH! WHY DO I KEEP GETTING SET ON FIRE!?" Eddy yelled in fiery pain.

Eddy quickly put the fire out with his hands. Though he didn't have much hair, the damage done to his head was very visible.

"The punishment is not over yet, Eddy. You must learn the hard way now." Ed replied.

"Huh?"

Music could be faintly heard in the distance. All of a sudden a group of Templars kicked open the door, Christian metal blasting as they broke in. Before Eddy could scream with surprise, they started beating the shit out of him. The Spies and especially Double D were very surprised, but Sam got an idea.

"Uh...hey guys, since our "friend" is getting beaten up, we'll just have to suck the miracle juice out of Jesus' cock!"

"In hopes that Jesus will help our '''friend''' heal up nicely!" Alex added.

"I'M IN TERRIBLE PAIN!" Eddy yelled.

A Templar riding a horse ran in, beginning to trample Eddy. The trampling wasn't meant to go on as long as it did, but the horse didn't want to stop. Even the horses didn't like him now.

"Take that, you fucking heathen!" The horse yelled.

The Templars struggled to control him for a bit, so they just let the horse do its thing.

"Since when do horses talk?" Clover asked.

"I don't know, but Double D's got a horse-sized cock!" Sam replied.

"ACKUCHAYLLY, my cock is NOT the size of a horse's, it is only 5.6 inches, that being the average size for Canadian men!" Double D commented.

"You're so smart, Double D! Now, share that wisdom with us!" Alex said as she reached for Double D's Double D.

Eddy ran for his life from the horse, but still had time to get pissed off.

"It's JESUS, NOT DOUBLE D!" Eddy yelled.

"The Holy Butter clearly dictates that is, in fact, Jesus, not this Double D of which you speak. NOW GET TO THE SEX SEX TIME!" Ed yelled.

The horse chased Eddy out of the room. The rest of the Templars followed behind.

"Now then, prepare yourself, my lord!" The Spies said at once, beginning to suck Double D-I mean Jesus' cock and balls.

"SOMEONE HELP ME! I'M BEING VIOLATED!" Double D yelled.

Ignoring the lord thy Double DeJesus' pleas for help, the Spies continued to slurp and suck.

"I feel funny, guys…" Double D said half-drunkenly. Letting out a moan as the Spies deepthroated his holy meat.

Clover didn't take her mouth off of his cock until he finally came. She happily slurped down the cum, making sure no cum accidentally dripped out. With one last galp, she finally let off of the cock.

"Now we have to RIDE THE LIGHTNING!" Alex yelled. She stroked Double D's cock until it was hard again, then rode him cowgirl-style, grabbing onto the back of the cross to prop her up.

"It's high noon, Double D! Huh huh!" Ed said with a stupid laugh.

After a short while of screaming and moaning, Double D came inside Alex. Alex hopped off his cock, and smiled as she felt his sperm leaking out.

"Now it's my turn!" Sam yelled, putting on a cowboy hat. She bent over and slammed her asshole onto Double D's cock as if being mounted.

"This feels WEEEEEEEIRD!" Double D screeched.

"You must fuck her in the ass, for she is showing her love to Jesus!" Ed preached.

Loud clapping and slapping could be heard echoing across the house as Sam began to decimate the Savior's dick via rectal pleasure.

"Ungh! Stop it, for the love of humanity!" Double D said, holding in more sperm.

"For the love of humanity, you must-UNGH!-make us bear your children!" Sam yelled.

"You must run away after this Double D, for these holy thots be wilin'!" Ed exclaimed, pulling out a giant organ to play a Christian orchestra on.

"AAAAHHHHHHH!" Sam yelled with pleasure as Double D shot another load inside of her.

She slowly pulled her butt off of his dick, as there was one more Spy who wanted the lord's meaty redemption.

As if God had planned it out himself, Ed perfectly timed a blast of organ music to Double D's org(an)asm. Double D passed out, and like clockwork, Eddy returned. Eddy slammed the door behind him, having finally escaped the horse's Christian fury.

"ED! STOP WITH THE STUPID BUTTER MUSIC AND HELP GET THESE TEMPLARS OUT OF MY YARD!"

In the meantime, the Templars were having a barbecue. They figured they'd doled out enough justice for one day.

"Tsk tsk, Eddy. That's strike three. You know what happens now." Ed replied.

Eddy realized he fucked up. With a flash of light, the Butter God came crashing through the rooftop. She or he looked oddly like Astolfo from the Fate series.

Butter Astolfo's eyes glowed crimson red, with bloody rage.

"You have sinned, my child. Prepare to feel the pain of the World's Rectal Catastrophe." Butter Astolfo said, taking its clothes off to reveal a massive horse-like cock.

Eddy tried to run away, but Butter Astolfo caught him by his collar.

"Owari da." Butter Astolfo said in weeb-speak, teleporting itself and Eddy into the bathroom.

Butter Astolfo bent Eddy over forcefully and shoved its buttery cock into his anus. Eddy cried out for mercy, even though he knew he would get none. The sounds of Eddy's pained screaming gave Alex an idea.

"Let's record this and send it to ! We have just enough room in the camera's storage!" Alex said loudly.

The rest of the Spies and Ed nodded in agreement and rushed to the bathroom to film Eddy's ass torture.

"I'M A VIRGIN, STOP!" Eddy yelled.

"Not anymore." Butter Astolfo replied.

Butter Astolfo thrust itself inside Eddy's anus harder and harder until finally, the Butter of Life squirted all over his intestines.

Butter Astolfo pulled its dick out and stretched with satisfaction.

"Please do not do this again. You know what will happen, I assume." Butter Astolfo said.

The Spies stopped recording and all laughed.

"This was fun! Let's do it again sometime!" Clover exclaimed.

"Yeah! We should make Eddy our butt-slut more often!" Alex replied.

"Not tomorrow, fellas. I have a date with MINISTRY!" Ed yelled, blasting the organ once more.

Eddy laid on the ground, utterly defeated and losing consciousness. As the Spies and Ed were walking out the door, Alex realized she had forgotten something very important. She rushed back into the house and bitch-kicked Eddy in the crotch for good measure. Then she grabbed Double D's unconscious body and took him home.

To be continued..lewdly and crudely….