Earlier…
Little did the Spies know, a mysterious presence lurked over their deeds. While the Spies were performing unspeakable acts of latent and brutal lesbianism on Nazz, Jimmy decided to do some investigating.
"I just know I'll find something about those mean ol' spies here…JEEPERS!" Jimmy yelled as he heard a loud crash.
Loud bumping noises could be heard as Eddy was thrown down the stairs, and laughter coming from the Spies.
"Golly gee whiz! I might be in over my head here…" Jimmy said to himself.
Another crash could be heard as Eddy was hit in the nuts with a lamp. Jimmy looked at Eddy curiously, wondering how gay it would be to take advantage of this situation.
"No no, I mustn't stick my pink hot dog in Eddy's mouth! Sarah says I have to save myself for her!" Jimmy thought.
Jimmy carefully walked upstairs to the Spies' makeshift lesbian dungeon, only to see Sam repeatedly kicking Nazz in the crotch and hear muffled screaming. This terrified Jimmy.
"JEEPERS...I didn't know getting hit down there hurt for ladies! I'll have to test that later on Sarah when she least expects it! I'm such an asshole, eeeheeheehee!" Jimmy thought to himself.
He quietly made his way towards the basement. He had a feeling that something important was down there, thanks to the "Keep the fuck out unless you are Double D!" Sign.
As he quietly opened the door, the sudden cry of pain from Nazz could be heard throughout the house. Jimmy accidentally opened the door quickly and very loudly. Fortunately for him though, Nazz was more than loud enough to cover it up.
"Goodness gracious! Nazz must be in terrible pain! But she'll work as a distraction for my detective work!" Jimmy said as he pulled out a magnifying glass and Sherlock Holmes hat.
As soon as he started searching, he came across a myriad of interesting things. Dildos and vibrators of all sorts, CDs, a Nintendo Switch, for some reason a gold necklace and swagger sunglasses, but he finally found a computer with tons of MP4 files.
"What's this, I wonder?" Jimmy said as he played the first file. It turned out to be a collection of body cams of all the Spies' missions.
"Let's have a look and see just what dirt I can dig up…" Jimmy said to himself, trying his best to act like Sherlock Holmes.
"Now, time to watch this stuff, hehehehe!" Jimmy said as he cracked his Captain K'nuckles. He pressed play on the Spies' first mission, an 'espionage' job in Siberia.
The video played and started pretty normal. Typical spy briefing stuff, jumping out of a helicopter, normal stuff. No dirty stuff though, unfortunately for us writers.
On the video...
"Hey, Sam! Toss that molotov cocktail in that fucker's window, will you?!" Clover yelled.
"This is supposed to be espionage, you dumbass! Sam yelled back.
"Fine, I'll do it myself! Geez!" Clover shouted as she fumbled the weapon, accidentally tossing it at a passing vehicle.
The vehicle crashed into the building the Spies were supposed to, you know, actually do spy work in. However, every hostile in the building got killed in the series of fiery explosions that followed, so mission completed I guess.
"Hey, we 'did it'!" Clover yelled.
The first video Jimmy watched ended with police sirens, and the Spies running away.
"Wow, it looks like they have quite the body count already... Now then, let's see...ooh, video number twenty-eight! That's my favorite number!" Jimmy exclaimed as he played a different mission video.
The video started with the Spies going through a mission briefing, which is ironic because Sam had her hand stuck in her briefs under the table the whole time. Girls just wanna have fun, I guess.
"Alright girls, suit up!" Sam commanded.
The Spies quickly dressed in bulletproof vests (but not after a healthy lesbian sex session where they all moaned Double D's name) and wielded military-grade weapons. Sam, Clover, and Alex all donned masks with different patterns on them. Clover wore an ahegao patterned face mask with aviator goggles and a My Little Pony themed M16A4.
Sam wielded an ACR 6.8 with plaid camo and a helmet akin to the guy on the cover of Counter-Strike: Global Offensive.
"Now girls, I know that you all love this 'Double D' fella, but I need you to stop the spread of the Buttered Toast Cult."
Jimmy was very disturbed by this.
"By Buttered Toast! I cannot watch such blasphemy!"
Jimmy quickly closed the video and opened the most recent one he could find. He immediately noticed how unhinged the Spies were acting
Sam lugged a PKP Pecheneg into the mission briefing, somehow. Guess she must've gotten super strong from all that sexercise (both straight and gay, we don't judge!)
Though it's still a mystery how Sam even got that weapon. As far as we know the French military doesn't even use it…Alex brought in a G36C and Clover brought an MP5.
"Girls, calm down! Please! I KNOW Double D isn't here, but we really need you for this!" The mission briefer yelled.
"I'LL BRIEF YOU, ALRIGHT!" Clover yelled, pointing a shotgun at some random secretary.
"Jeepers! Those girls must be suffering from Post-Testicle Stress Disorder as well!" Jimmy commented.
"Okay okay, I'll tell you what the mission is! Today, we finally found Obama Bin Laden, and we need you to take him out! It'll be a good stress reliever too!" The briefer insisted.
"THIS DOESN'T INVOLVE DOUBLE D!" Alex screamed out.
Alex started to trash the room. Sam and Clover joined in and started to throw things at the secretary. The secretary was wondering what the fuck she even did wrong and ran out of the room yelling in fear.
"Girls! Calm down right this minute!" Briefer demanded.
"FUCK YOU! WE WANT DOUBLE D!" Clover cried out, while her face turned red.
Alex pulled out a transmogrifier ray and used it to zap her and the rest of the Spies. The Spies were turned into bloodthirsty catgirls, and ready to satisfy their thirst.
"N-now girls…"
The briefer didn't know what he could say. He saw the crazed looks in their eyes and knew he was dead.
"MEOW!" The Spies all yelled in unison.
The Spies all jumped on him and tore him to shreds, and afterward let out a "Nyaa…" of satisfaction. They proceeded to have a lesbian furry orgy before transforming back into regular humans.
Jimmy paused the video.
"What the h-e double hockey sticks did I just watch?! And why are they so obsessed with Double D?! Hmmm..."
Jimmy looked through the files in hopes of getting answers. After searching for a few moments, he came across a video called"Double D".
"Eureka! This might hold the answers I've been looking for!" Jimmy yelled.
He played the video and was shocked to see Double D taking a shower and washing his balls. Though something else had also caught his eye.
"Jeepers, this video is old! The date says it was filmed 5 years ago!" Jimmy yelled to himself.
"Hee hee...watch this, girls…" Sam said as she hopped in the shower without Double D noticing.
Sam grabbed some soap, made a shushing motion while Clover and Alex were giggling and grabbed Double D's balls, helping him wash them.
"OH MY! Why thank you for the, um...assistance, Ed!" Double D said in surprise, figuring Ed had finally come out of the closet.
Double D decided to just roll with it, he could use help reaching down there anyway.
Sam spread open Double D's ass cheeks and put some soap in her mouth, proceeding to eat him out whilst washing it at the same time.
"Uh...thank you, Ed." Double D exclaimed with a bit of disgust yet also an oddly timed erection.
After a few minutes of ass eating and ball squeezing, Double D came with a great big moan of pleasure.
"Wow, that was amazing, Ed! I might just be gay after all!" Double D commented.
"No problem, Double D! I shall always be here to beat your meat like a butcher's rave party, huh huh!" Sam replied in her best impression of Ed.
Sam quickly ran out of the shower and took the girls with her. Somehow Double D didn't even notice it wasn't Ed.
Jimmy cringed back in his seat as he was traumatized from a digital horror he could not unsee. In a panic, he fast-forwarded the video. He stopped over many just as gross sex scenes with Double D. He only stopped when he noticed a scene with a bulletin board with a bunch of stuff on it.
Jimmy paused the video to get a better look. On the board were pictures of TNT, many pictures of Double D, and a picture of a very familiar horse sperm truck. He pressed play to hear what the spies were saying.
"Man, Clover, I can't believe you came up with this ingenious idea! Blowing up a truck full of horse sperm and pretending to act like we're helping clean it up, GENIUS!" Sam yelled as she hooked up some plastic explosives to the sperm truck.
"You have the routes all down, right Sam?" Alex asked as she looked at a map.
"Roots was my favorite TV miniseries!" Clover said dumbly.
Sam looked at Alex like she was a complete retard. But she was used to doing so.
"Of Course I have the routes down! You think I would mess up our best chance at getting with Double D?"
Jimmy couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"Jiminy jeepers creepers, and a dog named Peepers! The Totally Spies are Totally Assholes!" Jimmy yelled.
"You got that right! And we LOVE eating out some assholes!" Sam yelled as the Spies revealed themselves to be right behind him.
Jimmy jumped back, as he felt his heart sink. He was too scared to speak.
"Well, it looks like some little bitch boy has discovered our plan!" Clover yelled, visibly pissed off.
"Yeah, and now it looks like we have to 'take care of you'." Alex explained.
Jimmy yelped in fear and attempted to run away, only to slip and fall on the ground.
"Too bad fucker, we already tied your shoelaces together while you were mentally jacking off to our escapades!" Alex yelled.
"AHHHGGH! How did you even do that?!" Jimmy yelled, crawling away.
"SHUT UP!" Clover yelled, stomping on Jimmy's lower spine.
Jimmy yelped in pain and immediately gave up. Little bitch…
"Now little Bitch boy, we are going to have to do something EXTRA special with you!" Clover sadistically said,
"Can we kick him in the Jimmies?!" Alex asked with a chuckle.
"Stop making fun of my name!" Jimmy yelled.
"I was going to say no, but then just remembered how annoying his voice was. So kick him!" Clover demanded.
Sam and Alex rolled Jimmy over and took turns kicking him in the Jimmies. Jimmy was already crying from the first kick and only continued to do so as it went on. Clover took a sip of her Mountain Dew to energize and proceeded to join her partners in kicking Jimmy's Jimmies, eliciting screams of pain.
Elsewhere, a girl scout could be seen about to ring the doorbell. However, she heard the screams of pain and decided to just leave a box of cookies at their porch.
"NO MORE! PLEASE, NO MORE!" Jimmy pleaded.
"Fine! But only because our feet are starting to hurt!" Clover screamed, right before kicking him one last time.
The three then dragged Jimmy off to make him do their bidding.
"NOOO! NOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOO!" Jimmy yelled as he tried to getaway.
Alex pulled out her cell phone and dialed a very special number.
"Hello! Is this the sex trafficking hotline? ...Awesome! We have a nice young trap for sale!"
This made Jimmy morbidly nervous. He didn't bother saying anything since he knew just how fucked he was.
To be homosexually continued…
