"OHHH GOD! I'M GOING TO LOSE MY MIND!" Double D yelled while pulling on his hat.
It even surprises us that Double D hadn't lost his mind already.
The spies had trapped him in his room and made sure there was no way anyone could get in or out. The isolation was starting to get to Double D. To make things worse, the spies had put up naked posters of themselves all around his wall. No matter where he looked, he only saw naked spies.
No, we're not talking about Austin Powers. Different naked spy.
As Double D was pacing around his room, a green gas suddenly filled the room. Double D started to panic even more but was quickly overcome with a very tiring feeling. As he tried to make sense of the situation, he blacked out.
A few hours passed, and Double D woke up to see that he was now in Ed's room. Though, something was a bit off about it. His entire room had been half-assedly made to look like a locker room.
"OH LORD! I CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE OF THIS DEGENERATISH SENSUAL MAD MAGAZINE JUNGLE FEVER NONSENSE!"
Right after Double D's outburst of haremly frustrated nerd rage, the Spies walked in wearing their blood covered nurse outfits. Behind them, Ed Eddy and Jerry followed behind.
"Yay! Double D finally woke up!" Alex excitedly yelled.
Double D immediately started to panic. He tried to move away from them but realized that he was handcuffed to a random pipe that wasn't there before.
"STOP THIS UNDERHANDED MADNESS AND LET ME GO! I DON'T WANT TO GIVE MY VIRGINITY AWAY TO LATEXALLY SICK BOZOS LIKE YOU!" Double D screamed.
"How could you say that? You lost your virginity ages ago. You must not be remembering it properly!" Clover yelled.
Double D was about to lose his Double Shit.
"Well yeah! We left him in the gas-filled room because YOU misplaced the keys! Who knows how many brain cells he lost?!" Sam replied, visibly angry.
"YOU'RE ALL INSANE! INSANE I TELL YOU!" Double D yelled.
"Aww! That's the nicest thing you ever said to us!" Sam replied, now very happy.
Double D angrily looked around to room in frustration and noticed that Eddy looked a lot more scared than usual. This immediately confused Double D.
"What's wrong Eddy? You look like stir-fried shit...ake mushrooms!"
Eddy started to sweat profusely.
"Yeeeaaahhh Eddyyy, what's wrooong?" Clover asked.
Eddy was too scared to respond.
"Ohh, I get it! He's nervous because he has a special role in the porno! Riiight Eddy?" Alex added.
Eddy was extremely confused. And scared. And horny. Among other things.
"Uhh, what? B-B-But don't you need me to work the camera?" Eddy asked, still shaking.
"Naaaaa, Jerry can work the camera!" Sam replied.
"I gotcha fellas! Not the first time I've filmed porn!" Jerry Lawler said, holding the camera in place.
"Yay! Now, go and bully Double D, Eddy!" Alex commanded.
Eddy was still confused but did exactly as she said. He walked into the shot and tried his best to look tough.
"Hey, sockhead! You look like you want an atomic wedgie!" Eddy yelled with a big frown and a big iron on his hip.
...he didn't actually have a big iron on his hip. He just liked to think he did.
"Eddy, I don't think this is such a good idea…" Double D insisted.
"NOW LISTEN HERE, TWERP! I GOT A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU…" Eddy yelled, just before noticing the Spies getting visibly fucking furious.
"YOU MOTHER FUCKER! TRYING TO GHETTO BLAST DOUBLE D WITH YOUR BACKSTREET BULLSHIT!" Clover yelled as she punched Eddy in the gut.
"WE'LL SHOW YOU AN ATOMIC WEDGIE!" Alex yelled.
Eddy started to back away.
"B-But you told me to bully him!"
The Spies obviously ignored this.
Clover grabbed Eddy's arms and held them in place, while Sam and Alex grabbed him by the underpants.
"TOTALLY HEAVE THAT SHIT!" Sam and Alex screamed as they yanked Eddy's underwear over the top of his head.
"WHY?! I WAS DOING AS YOU SAID!" Eddy yelled while holding his ass in pain.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BULLY!"
The Spies picked Eddy up and took him to Ed's disgusting bathroom.
"Be careful in there. I haven't flushed for weeks!" Ed yelled in the background.
"We know! That's why we brought him in here!" Alex replied.
"No problemo, spy lady!" Ed commented as he flashed the 'OK' hand sign.
Eddy knew what they were about to do, as did pretty much everyone reading at this point. Eddy took one look at the brown water and mold-covered toilet and gagged a bit from the stench.
"NO! PLEASE NOOOOO! I'LL DO ANYTH-" *Splash*
The Spies shoved Eddy's face in the disgusting toilet while Jerry filmed the entire thing.
"I already stocked the pond with big, brown bass just an hour ago! The boom boom department is fresh with new deposits, huh huh!" Ed dumbly said as he watched.
The Spies repeatedly dunked Eddy in harshly, holding his arms behind him so he couldn't get out. Alex kicked him in the gut, making Eddy vomit into the brown water. However, he just sucked it back in his mouth when he tried to breathe. He wound up swallowing a bunch of shitty toilet water, making him vomit a second time.
"YOU LIKE THAT HUH?!" Alex yelled, kicking him in the nuts with full force from behind.
Eddy let out a scream of pain from underwater, making him choke on the swallowed shit-water a bit. Sam and Clover yanked Eddy's head out and smashed his face against the toilet seat. Water, shit and vomit splashed all over.
"LICK THE FUCKING TOILET!" Sam yelled, pressing Eddy's face against the moldy seat.
"PLEASE STOOOOOOOOOOOO-OOO-OOO-P!" Eddy yelled as his face was grinded against the mold.
"Oh, you don't wanna do it huh? NURSE CLOVER! THE PATIENT NEEDS TO TAKE HIS SHIT MEDICINE!" Sam yelled.
"Oh my, is the patient refusing to swallow his food! Well, I can fix that!" Clover shouted as she pulled out a kid's sand shovel.
"I'd be more shocked about this if Eddy didn't kind of deserve it…" Double D thought to himself.
Clover pressed the shovel against the moldy toilet and scraped a bunch of gunk off the side.
"Wow, that part of the potty hasn't shined as long as I've been alive!" Ed commented.
"No...you're going too far! Stop it!" Eddy yelled fearfully.
Without a second thought, Clover shoved the shovel in Eddy's mouth. Eddy desperately tried to spit it out, but this pissed Sam off.
"CHEW! AND! SWALL! OW!" Sam yelled, palming Eddy in the back of the head with each word yelled.
"CHEW IT LIKE KEVIN'S MOM ON MY PUBES LAST NIGHT!" Clover yelled.
...Jesus. Didn't know Alex was into that. Wait, hold on a second. Why is our 'Double D Getting Laid Alarm™' going off?
(The Double D Getting Laid Alarm can be bought for 420 payments of $69.69, or a blowjob to the CEO of Sex, Inc. He only uses the cash for hookers, so to any haters of the one percent, have no fear! Horny fucker.)
"OH...OH LORDY!" Yelled a currently milfed-up Double D.
Alex looked over to see the Spies' moms giving Double D a Triple Suck.
"M-M-MOM?! I thought Child Protective Services arrested you for having underage lesbian sex with me!" Alex yelled.
...What the fuck is even going on anymore? Anyway…
"They did, but I only got 2 years for that because the judge thought the videos were smoking hot!" Carmen yelled.
Yes, the moms have names. Alex's mom is named Carmen, Sam's mom is named Gabriella, and Clover's mom is named Stella. Remember that now, because we sure won't.
...penis but not just gay, penis but bisexual.
The Spies watched in anger as their moms delivered mind-numbing levels of pleasure to Double D's Double D. The skill on display was even greater than what even the Spies were capable of.
"DAMMIT MOM! YOU'RE NOT TAKING AWAY OUR DOUBLE D!" Sam screamed.
"HE IS OUR PERFECT MAN!" Clover added.
"I-I'M NOT A MAAAAAN! I'M JUST A B-BOOOOOOY!" Double D screamed, trying his best to not blast his fire hydrant all over the firehouse.
...or something like that.
The Spies let go of Eddy and ran up to their moms. Eddy fell to the ground while vomiting the mold all over the bathroom. Despite all of the disgusting shit though, he was relieved. Even though he landed on the back of his head.
"Oh god...It's all over now boys, I'm finally free!" Eddy yelled.
Speaking of boys, the contents of the toilet manifested into Astolfo. Completely naked and very angry, we should add. ...No, we don't know why either. It's a religious thing we guess.
"Who has disturbed my porcelain slumber!?" Astolfo yelled.
Eddy looked up, and his eyes grew to the size of dartboards.
"NOOOO! NOT YOU AGAIN!"
"Eddy?! Well, I hope your ass is ready for another round!"
Astolfo slammed the door shut, and started to violate Eddy.
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! MY ASS IS MORE ON FIRE THAN MY HOUSE WAS!" Eddy yelled, making a very good callback to Kevin's beating.
As it turned out, Astolfo had summoned Saber to strike Eddy with lightning that night. Unlimited Gay Works, amiright?
"Wow! Eddy sure knows how to have a bad day!" Ed commented.
"God, I wish that was me! Oh well, Double D is just as good if not better!" Clover's mom who we already forgot the name of yelled. Oh, wait that's right, her name is Stella.
"It will be better after he cums on our faces!" Carmen yelled, then immediately sucking one of Double D's nuts.
"MY SOUL IS LEAVING MY BODY AND IT'S COMING OUT OF THE PEEHOLE!" Double D screeched.
"You sure know how to rev up the motorcycle wheels of sexualness, Double D!" Ed commented.
"THAT'S NOT A WORD AND YOU KNOW IT!" Double D yelled, not knowing that Ed just came up with it and would later petition to have it added to Merriam-Webster. A true lad, Ed is.
"Wait, shit! We got distracted by Eddy's suffering!" Alex yelled, the exclamation point sound effect from Metal Gear Solid playing.
"Yeah! We need to stop our stupid moms from stealing our cumshot!" Clover yelled.
But it was too late.
"GGGHHHHAAAAAAAAA!" Double D yelled as he came all over the mothers.
His legs went numb, and so did his mind. It was as if his soul was actually sucked out. But they didn't stop, they kept sucking like the greedy nutty (see what we did there) whores they were. Just as Double Ds eyes started to roll back into his head and he uttered Satanic-sounding phrases, the Spies tackled their respective moms onto the ground.
"Wow! Double D's eyes are like a tricycle wheel, Eddy!" Ed yelled.
Eddy replied with more screaming as he was anally ass-aulted.
"Eddy is so stunned that he's yelling with fear! GO DOUBLE D, CRACK THE WALNUTS LIKE A SQUIRREL!" Ed yelled very dumbly.
"YOU CUNTS! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO OUR DOUBLE D!" Sam yelled while choking her mom.
"OHHHH, HARDER HONEY!" Gabriella yelled.
"AHHHHH! NO MOM! NOOOO!" Alex screamed while having a PTSD flashback.
"OHHHH YELL SWEETY! LET ME SCISSOR YOU JUST LIKE OLD TIMES!" Carmen yelled at the top of her incestuous lungs.
"Last time I tried to scissor my mommy, there was red stuff on the kitchen table!" Ed yelled.
"WHO'S UP FOR SOME BONDING!?" Stella yelled.
Clover started to shake a bit. She was used to fucking her dad but not her mom.
"Too bad we never had a threesome…" Stella said in her best porn star voice.
Clover gulped. This might be too much for her.
"NO! YOU'RE NOT IN THIS ALONE, CLOVER! WE'LL DO OUR MOMS AS A TRIO!" Alex yelled as she snapped out of her PTSD state.
"Our mothers will bow before our Bi-Sexual Power." Sam said like an edgy anime protagonist.
"Wow, this porno sure has an engaging story, folks!" Jerry commented while continuing to record.
"Mommy-son boner-bonding is more fun to watch than it is to do, Jerry!" Ed commented, with serious incestuous implications.
...fuck. That would explain a lot actually.
"I can be your mommy later, Ed…" Carmen said seductively.
"Yowza howza, Double D! Alex's mom wants my bratwurst between her watermelon holders! A huh huh!" Ed yelled happily.
Double D replied with a groan and a bit of drool.
"You're so right about that but also so wrong, Ed. You honestly amaze me at times, friend!" Jerry replied.
The Spies and the Porno Moms began their Sex Battle. Alex decided to play more Pokemon music in the background, except now it sounded similar to smooth jazz.
"I always did like your taste in music, dear! Among other 'tastes', at least…" Carmen stated incestuously.
"Oh no, please make more bad sex puns! I INCEST!" Alex yelled.
"Yeah, maybe we should give mother-daughter relationships A SHOTA!" Sam yelled.
"OH MY GOD, SHUT UP AND HELP ME!"A very distraught Eddy yelled from the bathroom.
"ENOUGH PUNS! Time to get down to business!" Gabriella yelled.
"LEEET'S GET DOOOOWN TO BUSINEEEESS!" Alex yelled like the warrior guy from Mulan.
Suddenly Carmen tackled Alex to the ground and ripped her shirt off, immediately sucking her daughter's nipples.
"AA-A-AAAAAAHHHHH!" Alex yelled like a hentai video.
Stella and Clover wrestled for a bit but eventually got into a naked scissoring position.
"You stand no chance sweaty, I've been scissoring since before you were even born! Hell, even while I was pregnant with you!"
"No wonder my head always hurts! You pregnant-sex having hoore!" Clover yelled, mispronouncing 'whore' due to her fetal mental disabilities.
No wonder she was so willing to kill Sarah. Eeeesh.
"Oh, that's nothing! I'm going to scissor you so hard that you that even Double D couldn't get you wet anymore!" Stella yelled.
Clover turned red with rage.
"DON'T FUCKING JOKE ABOUT STUFF LIKE THAT!"
"We'll scissor you hard enough to replicate the Challenger, you milfy, uh...pilf-gilf...whatever! YEAH!" Alex yelled in the background.
"Quiet dear, I know how sensitive your nipples are!" Carmen shouted, then continued to suck Alex's nipples harder.
"G-G-GHHHHAAAAA! NO MORE MOM! NO MOOOOOORE!" Alex screamed as she kneed her mom in the gut.
This had the opposite effect since Alex knocked the wind out of Carmen, making her suck harder. Alex yelled like an air raid siren with pleasure, making Ed and Jerry very entertained.
"So this is how Double D feels, a huh huh!" Ed commentated.
"TOUCHDOWN FOR THE BOOMERS! CARMEN SANDIEGO IS GOING TO THE WWE SUCKDOOOOOWN!" Jerry yelled, forgetting that they were just filming a porno.
"WHY WON'T SOMEONE HELP MEEEEEE?!" Eddy cried out.
Meanwhile, Sam and Gabriella were doing...wait what the fuck? Uhh…
"I'LL SUCK THE PISS OUT OF THERE WITH A STRAW IF I HAVE TO!" Gabriella yelled, prying open Sam's vagina.
This is going really off script, but uh...what are we supposed to do?
"I WANT THE GAMER GIRL PEE NOW!" Gabriella yelled, sticking a straw inside Sam's urethra.
Sam's eyes started to twitch as the straw was inserted.
"WHY DOES THAT FEEL GOOD?! IT SHOULDN'T FEEL GOOD!" Sam yelled.
Ed was about to make an attempt at commentary, but he heard the sound of an armored jeep pulling up and went into Call of Duty mode.
"I AM CAPTAIN SPERGIMUS, CHEESE AND MACARONI!" Ed yelled, running to his closet to get his guns and stuff.
Just at that moment, Eddy goose-stepped out of the bathroom like he had just been buttfucked by an angry crossdresser (which he had). The first thing Eddy saw was Ed breaking out what looked like an entire armory. Eddy heard static, and Ed pulled out a radio.
"ED! ROACH IS IN TROUBLE! COMMANDER SON OF A SHEPHERD HAS BETRAYED THE US ARMY!" Ghost from the Call of Duty: Modern Warfare series yelled over the radio.
"I CANNOT HELP RIGHT NOW! THE SCHOOL HAS FOUND ME! ONLY THE CLAW CAN SAVE US NOW! RETURN FIRE, EDDY!" Ed yelled, tossing Eddy an S847.
"Return what, blockhead?!" Eddy yelled, before hearing a loud whirring.
"DUCK AND COVER, DUCK AND COVER!" Ed yelled, tackling Eddy to the ground.
Before Eddy could get pissed off, a hole was blown in the wall by plastic explosives. A machine gun turret started firing rounds through the house as Ed carried Eddy and ran off.
While Ed and Eddy were busy with that, The Spies and their moms ignored the US Army. Some soldiers stayed behind to watch, cheering on the mom/daughter WWE Suckdown Six-Way Gag-Team Match.
"Don't resist Ed! Just come with us back to the school, and we can all just drop our weapons!"
"THE CUM OF THE CLAW IS STORED IN THE KIDNEYS OF BUTTERED TOAST!" Ed yelled...whatever that means.
"Uh...I guess I'm the only one commentating now, folks! OOOH, AND ALEX DELIVERS THE COUNTERATTACK!" Jerry yelled as Alex bit Carmen's nipple.
"OH GOD! HARDER HONEY, MAKE ME REALLY FEEL IT!" Carmen yelled.
"Wha!? Are yhou ftill lactafing?!" Alex yelled in a muffled tone as she began to succ mommy's nipple.
"OOOHHHHHH! HARDER DEAR, HARDER!" Carmen yelled as milk came out of her nipple.
"Another fetish down, still at least a few dozen to go though!" Jerry commentated.
The Spies and their moms heard Eddy and Ed yelling and running past the window.
"TACTICAL NUKE INCOMING!" Ghost yelled through the radio.
"Tactical WHAT!?" Eddy yelled.
"Tactical what? A huh huh!" Ed replied, running awkwardly and not caring about the chances of getting killed in the slightest.
The soldiers ran away and got back in the Jeep. The Jeep sped away, completely abandoning the mission. The Spies and their moms noticed everyone running.
"Wait, A Tactical Nuke?" Carmen said.
"Fuck! We aren't dying in this shit hole!" Stella added.
The moms quickly made their way out of the house, leaving the Spies alone with Double D and Jerry. Though, Jerry got the hell out of there when he decided that more porn was not worth dying for… Yet.
"...wait. Goddamn it, we should've just pointed the retard school towards Kevin's house!" Sam yelled.
"Yeah, you're right! Why didn't we think of that shit earlier, godfuck SHIT, ass testicles!" Clover shouted.
Alex had no words to convey how fucking stupid she felt.
"Let's just get Double D to safety, and talk about this later! We cant pleasure him if he's killed in a nuclear strike!" Alex yelled.
"PUSSY SO GOOD IT'S NUCLEAR! That should be our tagline!" Clover realized.
The Spies all had a laugh as they ran off into the distance. A few moments later, the nuke struck the house. Despite it being a fucking nuke though, only about half of the cul-de-sack was destroyed in the blast. No one was hurt, except for all the unimportant characters.
...penis, but in ur mom.
