Hello my lovlies,
I hope this beautiful Tuesday finds each and one of you happy and in good spirits.
Here is chapter 13 of "The eyes long, the heart cries". Like always, I want to thank my amazing beta, DarkenedHrt101for her friendship, her encouragement and her spot on help.
I know I babble a lot before the story, but this needs to be said. I'm not sure how many of you watch the news. But There has been an internet outage in Iran for the past 4 days. The government has cut people's access to the world and no one talks about it. I've always been intuned with my motherland and since this is one of the only platforms that I have, I wanted to ask every single one of you to pray for my land. and to pray that one day, governments let go of this weird leash that they have us on.
DarkenedHrt101: acgaoahfguHDGGGSh kkkkkGDK VSODGAJGFG. :D:D:D (Break the code).
SerenitySweety: Well my sweet, you will find out what happened in the past soon enough:)
TropicalRemix: What do you think?:) Has he?
Syulai: Well, I mean, they've always been in love, no? But the question is, what happened to their love? You'll find out. Let me hear your thoughts after.
Zanahana: I loved that sentence you did: "so intensely satisfying in the most frustrating way." :D:D I think I'll use that one day. Thank you for your kind words my dear. I hope this chapter also makes you want to pull out your hair in the most satisfying frustration:D
Guest: She won't give in to it that easily, don't worry. Nothing's worse than easy people. Keep on reading.
tryntee13: LOL. Thank you. I fear that you might come out of this chapter with questions too:) Let me know your thoughts.
SailorGuardian314: Hello my dear. Thank you for your kind words. Yes, the relationship dynamics will change going forward. And I personally shit on cheating. But you know what? People go through like and shit happens. We can't walk in someone else's shoes. It could happen to anyone of us. But keep on reading. This chapter will answer some...(some)...of your questions:D Kisses.
SailorMoon489: The suspense continues:D Let me know how you felt about this chapter. I'll talk to you soon.
hime-futatsu: LOL. Please work and leave the story reading for your leisure time. I don't want to stop you from your success:) But I'm so glad you found my story. FYI, I have been updating every Tuesday. Let me know your thoughts.
Oloferne: The Queen enters. Kneel:D:D:D:D:D I just love how your reviews put a huge goofy (and frankly) stupid smile on my face. Thank you for your word, always. And let's just say I like that title too much to leave behind my cliffhangers:D:D Let me know your thoughts.
Guest: Well...
Guest: You'll just have to keep reading and find out:)
Thatycarter: You'll find out soon. I promise. Keep reading. This party just got started.
Xo: Honestly, it's not about his memories. Because he's had them from the beginning. It's about him finally admitting something to himself. But keep reading, he might change your mind.
Guest: What? :)
Roxypockets1: You never know. She might:)
Guest: Here's more then:) I hope you like this chapter. It'll shed some light on some of the questions you have.
XxTinaLoxX: Damn. Your account name:) Don't worry. As we all know, Usagi might look fragile, but she is anything but. Keep reading.
Enjoy.
Golak.
Usagi stepped out of the bathroom, her hair damp and sticking in all the wrong places as she passed Shingo's room without a glance.
Shingo had been rolling around on his floor, looking for something he'd obviously had discarded under his bed some time ago. He looked up at his sister and wondered what could possibly make her so quiet and aloof.
Usagi had been in her own world. It had been 24 hours since her horrible confession to Hiro; the longest 24 hours of her life, as she waited for something, anything from him.
Hiro hadn't said one word the previous night. Not even a tiny blip. He'd just looked at her and then nodded with an emotionless visage and said goodbye. Usagi had stayed rooted on the spot as she watched him disappear into the night.
What the hell had she done?
She sat in front of her vanity and looked at her reflection. She couldn't recognize the girl who looked at her anymore; she didn't like what she saw.
She picked up her small moon painted brush and started to comb her hair in gentle waves. Minako always said not to brush your hair when it's too wet, "it'll loosen up the roots," she said and then tugged hard on one of Usagi's pigtails, "not that you would have to worry about that though."
The memory put a tiny smile on her face. Even the memory of the blonde could cheer her up.
She parted her hair from the middle and moved her brush in smooth slow motions. She remembered how Sailor Jupiter used to do the same thing for Serenity. The older Senshi had been in love with hair in her previous life and Usagi thanked God that she'd fallen in love with the art of cooking in this one.
She remembered her oval chambers on the moon; it had always been lit with an unknown source of energy. The amorous lighting of the room had allowed her to fall in love with Endymion so much easier. How could she not have, when he looked at her through the thin hollow of her bed drapes and his eyes shone so perfectly romantic?
Usagi's hold on the brush intensified as she remembered all the first times she...Serenity had experienced with the prince. The first time they had held hands, without worrying about the probing eyes lurking around; the first time he had leaned so close she'd thought he was going to kiss her, and instead, he had only brushed his lips against her chin; Usagi could still feel the shiver that had rocked her...Serenity's body.
She put down the brush and looked at her hair in the mirror. Had it always look this fair and lustrous? Even Setsuna had made a comment about her hair, hadn't she?
The first time Serenity and Endymion kissed, they'd been standing in the middle of the rose garden that once belonged to the queen of Earth and now, it had become a lover's nest for the young royals. The kiss had been chaste and worried.
But the real first kiss, the kiss they'd shared in the princess' bedchambers...Usagi looked away from the mirror. Her cheeks burned with what she didn't want to remember.
A rustling sound from outside stole her attention away from the mirror. Was it just her, or did the tree seem a little too shaky for a windless night such as this?
She moved to her window, half sure that she'll soon meet Luna's sparkly yellow eyes somewhere in the foliage.
She hadn't been ready to meet concealed eyes behind a white mask and when Tuxedo Mask landed, smooth and graceful as always, on her balcony she just pursed her lips and looked away.
"What are you doing here?" she tried to hide her anxiousness behind her loud whisper.
"An enemy, in Amishiro Park…"
Usagi's heart dropped, "What? Why didn't anyone contact me then…" she went back to her vanity and grabbed her wristwatch.
Tuxedo Mask shrugged, "I didn't see any Senshi. Let's go…" he whispered the last word as he stepped inside her room and his eyes peered around.
It's so messy, he thought; it's so...her.
The short few seconds Usagi ran around without an actual plan, Tuxedo Mask spent feasting on every little detail that allowed him a glimpse into Usagi Tsukino's life.
He smiled at the moon, star and bunny comforter on her bed, the two throw pillows haphazardly tossed on her pink carpet, and the white chabudai table in the middle of the room that served as the focal point of all the mess around her room.
"You don't plan to transform here now, do you?" Tuxedo Mask asked as soon as Usagi grabbed her broach.
"I mean…yeah—"
"I literally just saw your parents at the door…"
Usagi lowered her hand and stood on the balcony beside him. She went to say something; but yelped instead when arms wrapped around her and a moment later, she was flying.
"What the damn hell…" she shrieked.
It was different, flying over Tokyo as her civilian self, the stillness of the night didn't blow through her hair and yet, the woosh of Tuxedo Mask's cape still managed to take her breath away.
Tuxedo Mask landed somewhere between the tall trees in the park, with Usagi carefully held in his arms.
The park seemed desolate. The only sound Usagi could hear was the chatter between a few people in the distance; nothing else. No distress, no screams, no dark energy.
She pushed away from him and looked around, "Where is it?" she asked, "Where is the youma?"
She heard and felt a warm glow beside her making her heart drop for the second time that night. She knew Tuxedo Mask was no longer there.
She took her time turning around because, in all honesty, she hadn't been ready to face him yet. Her cheeks flamed, still, with the mere memory of their kiss; how the hell was she supposed to look at those eyes?
"There's no youma…" Mamoru said.
Usagi took a deep breath to calm her nerves and finally looked at him.
"You lied?"
He buried his hands in his pockets and nodded, "I did...I'm sorry…"
"What?" he added when Usagi looked at him with surprise.
"I mean...I didn't know you're capable…"
"Of?"
"Apologizing…"
The word hung between them like a floating snowflake lagging behind from the rest of the storm; it didn't melt, nor did it dissolve in the air. It just floated and lingered.
Usagi looked away first. It had always been like that after all; in both lifetimes, it'd been her who could never look into those irises for too long.
"We need to talk Usagi," Mamoru stepped closer, "and I thought you might not want to talk right now. And I thought, well…" he sighed and hung his head, "honestly, I don't know what I thought. I don't know why I just didn't ask you to meet like a normal person would...but…" he looked up, "you've always made me do strange things."
Usagi stretched her lips and tried to push away the memory of Endymion and Serenity hiding behind the crystal pillars of the moon castle and giggling hysterically, as Sailor Mars went at it with Jadeite, without knowing who'd been behind the scheme.
"Are you...laughing?" Mamoru looked stunned for a moment. He'd been expecting attitude, maybe even a whine from the blonde; he never expected her to start laughing once his plot was revealed.
Usagi couldn't contain herself anymore. It started with tiny chortles and slowly, it bloomed into wholehearted laughter; she hadn't laughed like this for so long, the sound seemed so foreign.
"I'm...sorry…" she hiccuped, "I was just...remembering that time...do you remember…"
Mamoru's eyebrows went up. It's odd, but even before she started her tale, images popped into his head. Had they really spied on Jadeite and Sailor Mars, as they lip-locked in the moon castle?
Usagi laughed harder when Mamoru's lips twitched and he too, started laughing.
The wind picked up as they continued laughing. The dry and suffocating air around them melted into freshness and suddenly, the park seemed lighter; so much greener.
Somehow, Mamoru felt at ease. The lie he'd just told didn't bother him as much, now that Usagi's laughter rang through the park, like little bells on Christmas Eve.
And it hit him; in all the memories resurfacing over the months, all the joy, pain and utter destruction his subconscious had been feeding him from the life he didn't know he'd lived, not once could he remember hearing Serenity laugh like this; a guffaw this irresistibly free.
He had vivid images of them whispering words of adoration, of despair, and of wisdom to one another; he had memories of the time they had plotted against their comrades, their friends. For heaven's...he had practiced the art of love on Serenity's body and he had heard her...Usagi...clearer than anything else as she squirmed and moaned beneath him.
"What?" Usagi's laughter came short.
"I just...I don't remember Serenity ever laughing this way. She...you were always so...reserved—"
"I mean, I wouldn't say I...she was reserved—"
"Not entirely. No… in fact," Mamoru smirked, "if I remember correctly, there'd been a few...shall we say...unladylike behaviours…" he bit back the rest of his sentence when Usagi's face turned red and she looked away.
"Usagi…" he continued after a moment of awkward silence, "I need to know exactly how much you remember?" he paused and tried to catch her eyes, "I think we need to figure out what this is between us—"
"There's really nothing between us," Usagi's reply came sharp and harsh, "you've made that pretty clear. On countless occasions," she took a few steps towards the drinking fountain, "and before you get all obnoxious and smirky, yes, I know we've kissed; and that's probably the only thing between us; lust…" she took a deep breath and wrapped her arms around herself. Waltzing around town with damp hair and in her thin home attire hadn't been wise.
She felt arms around her shoulders and she settled against Mamoru's chest, "I didn't say we have lust right now…" she hissed and stood stiff in his embrace.
"Shut up," she felt his laughter vibrating in his chest, "I'm trying to warm you up."
The wind had settled into a light breeze and even though Usagi didn't feel as cold anymore, she buried herself deeper into his arms.
"I have this weird ringing sound in my head…" Mamoru's chin was resting on the crown of her head and Usagi closed her eyes when he started talking, "for a long time I didn't know what they were. But then, I spoke to Rei and Minako—"
"You spoke to Rei and Mina-chan?" Usagi peered up at him with surprise, "and you're still alive?"
"Haha…" he tightened his hold on her, "they're lucky they're alive…" he looked at her and shook his head, "okay. I see what you mean. But yes, I did speak to them."
They stood in the same position as Mamoru told her about his interesting interaction with the girls. He told her how he'd been haunted by a ringing sound that never made much sense to him and if he believed Rei, which he did but didn't want to outright confess it, the ringing was just a discomfort played by his mind, because subconsciously, he wanted to block out some memories.
It was so easy to stay in each other's hold; so easy, in fact, that neither of them felt the time pass.
"I stopped hearing the ringing around you a long time ago," Mamoru whispered, "but when I'm near the other girls...especially Minako, I feel like I'm going to lose my mind...but the worse is when…"
"Is when what?" Usagi watched him as he dropped his arms and massaged his eyes.
"When those other Senshi...the Outers are close by."
"Haruka never liked you…" Usagi pursed her lips and looked appalled by what she had just said.
It hadn't been a secret though; Mamoru had felt the animosity from the Senshi of wind the moment they set eyes on each other. But it still made no sense, because the more Mamoru thought about it, the less he saw any of the Outer Senshi in his memories. And yet, deep down, he knew they'd met in the previous life.
"Is this what you wanted to tell me?" Usagi's voice lured him out of his world.
She was looking up at the sky, the moon no doubt, and if she felt Mamoru's eyes on her, she didn't react. With her hair down and frizzy at the roots and in her pink flannel shirt and pants, she looked so young. Serenity had been younger when she'd fallen in love with Endymion. But there had been a quality to her, a certain seductiveness, that had allowed the royals to venture fast in their relationship. Usagi's eyes still held their childlike pureness; the essence of innocence engulfed her whole and Mamoru appreciated this side of her so much more than what he remembered of Serenity.
"I told Ayane everything…"
He saw the violent jolt in the blonde's body, and he kept his silence allowing Usagi to form the words she struggled with. They never came. She just kept her eyes on him, probing and wide.
"I told her who I am...and who you are…" with each word coming out of his mouth, a layer of color vanished from Usagi's face, "I didn't say much about the others; but she's a smart girl, I think she'll have it figured out…"
Usagi turned whiter.
"I couldn't keep lying to her," he took a deep breath, "I hadn't been honest with her for months now and I couldn't touch her…" he rushed through when Usagi's cheeks burned up, "I just love her too much and respect her too much to do this to her…"
Usagi's breath came in a short puff. She hadn't probably foreseen him confessing his love for another woman, and this was anything but.
"I'm not a total asshole Usagi. And I can't be with someone when my mind and whole being is focused on someone else—"
"That didn't stop you before…"
Mamoru frowned. For all the things he had thought she would say, that hadn't been one of them.
"What do you mean?" he grabbed her forearm when she started to walk away, "don't just throw something out there and then turn away…" he stood in front of her, "what do you mean?"
Her fair bangs cast a shadow over her eyes; her hair looked lighter, now that Mamoru paid closer attention, a silver hue covered the silky strands. The urge to run his fingers through her hair gripped his heart.
But then, Usagi looked up and straight into his eyes.
"You did the same thing...Endymion did the same thing to Serenity," she hissed and suddenly, all veils came down, "he broke her heart…" she took a step back, "you broke my heart...and what's worse," she whispered, "is that I was carrying your child…"
The air stood still around them once more. There'd been no distant sound, no cars passing. Nothing.
Just a bitter silence that cut through their souls with an anguished cry.
I had woken up that morning with every intention to keep my mind off of Usagi.
The plan had gone to hell the moment I opened my eyes and her smile entered my mind.
I had sulked around my apartment, moving stuff that didn't need to be moved, opening a book without really seeing the words and pruned the plants that hadn't needed any.
The bitterness on my tongue had only intensified when I took a sip of my morning coffee, drowned in sugar and I had pushed it aside.
"We kissed," she'd said, "and it wasn't the first time."
Fuck.
I had just stared at her when she'd said it and I walked away. I couldn't bring myself to say, or do, anything else. In that moment, the image I had built of Usagi in my mind came crashing down; the innocence I had cherished so much showed its ugly side and I couldn't bring myself to look at her anymore.
In the wee hours of the night and when problems become unbearable monsters, I had played her words and what had transpired between them in my head over and over again.
"We kissed," fuck , "and it wasn't the first time."
An image of Usagi's blushing face popped in my head, as she rushed out of the bathroom in Kosuke-kun's party, followed by Mamoru.
Damn it to hell. Now I know what had happened in there. Walking in without knocking… how fucking stupid was I? Had they murmured words of fondness as I waited for her outside that door? Had they laughed behind my back? Damn them both.
My phone rang a couple of times and every time, I let the answering machine pick it up.
My mom wanted to know if I'd booked my ticket for a visit. A classmate wanted to know if I was up for a mini volleyball match that afternoon.
I needed to get out of the house. Or I would go mad.
When I had rushed to Usagi's side last night, in that fucking game room, I had seen the way Mamoru was looking at her. He'd looked away quickly, but that look couldn't be undone. I had seen it.
I should've demanded an explanation from Usagi last night. I should've given her a hard time. Why the hell did I just leave like that? I should've embarrassed her for what she had done to me. To my heart.
"There are so many things you don't know about me," her voice resonated in my head. When had she said that to me?
I walked aimlessly around town. The weather had been dry and still; the perfect consolation to my sour mood. I turned left and right and finally, I found myself in front of Amori-san's little teahouse.
I lingered in front of the door and saw Amori-san's gentle face through the window as she spoke to a customer.
Ever since I moved to Tokyo, this place had become my sanctuary. Amori-san had been the closest thing I had to family in the city and she didn't seem to mind my company every now and then. I needed someone to talk to. Someone who wouldn't judge me. Someone who would only judge Usagi for what she had done to my heart. I needed someone to hold my hand and tell me that Usagi was an evil bitch.
I should've known, however, that Amori-san wouldn't be that person.
She probably saw the grim look on my face. She ushered me inside and offered me her famous cinnamon hot chocolate She sat across from me at one of the tables and fixed her kind eyes on me. I started without hesitation. When I got to the part where Usagi would rip my heart out and stomp on it, I averted my eyes to the table. The ophelia arrangement in the middle looked beautiful, but today, I couldn't appreciate anything but the ache I felt inside.
I finished my story and almost half of my cinnamon hot chocolate and all the while, Amori-san hadn't said one word.
"Do you like this girl?"
Her question threw me off. Hadn't she heard me for the last fifteen minutes?
"Hiro-san, you are like my son and as such, I would tell you what I would tell my own son," she put her hands on the table; I looked at the delicate flesh with tiny veins bulging around the wrists.
"You are very stupid…"
I looked at her with my mouth ajar. What?
"If you like this girl, which I can see you do, why did you just walk away when she came clean to you?
"She's not—"
"Don't interrupt me," she said firmly, "all this pain you just told me about, you should've said it to her last night. Why didn't you?" she looked up and smiled at a customer who'd just walked in, "excuse me a second dear."
Her departure gave me a few moments to really think about what she said. Why did I walk away last night? Why didn't I react when she looked at me and confessed that she had kissed Mamoru?
"We kissed...and it wasn't the first time."
Why didn't I demand explanation? Why didn't I ask her how the fuck they had ended up kissing? They didn't even know each other.
Then I remembered the way Mamoru had looked at Usagi last night, while he asked her all those stupid questions. And suddenly, it's as if a revelation had become clear to me.
"Hiro-san, have you gone skinny dipping?" he'd asked, "I've gone a long time ago...with my girlfriend."
I hadn't paid any heed to his tale. I thought he was just trying to be talkative, maybe to gloat; though, I knew Mamoru Chiba could be a lot of things, a conniving bastard included, but I'd never known him as a show-off.
But now, I remembered the way he had looked at Usagi before we left the Escape Room, and suddenly, what I had brushed off as confusion became a clear look of hurt and possessiveness.
I walked up to Amori-san, kissed her temple and went outside.
I needed to think.
Usagi was sitting on the bench under the tall gingko tree. She leaned her head against the back and her eyes traced the tree branches; they looked like limbs in different shapes and sizes. This one was reaching out, to who, she didn't know. That one had bend by the waist, probably in a graceful curtsy. Yeah, keep thinking about this trivial stuff, until he gets ahold of himself. She sighed and looked over at where Mamoru had been standing for the past ten minutes.
All colour had drained from his face the moment she threw those words at him, "I was carrying your child."
Usagi didn't know what she had expected of him when she revealed what she had remembered a few weeks ago. She had woken up in anguish and hadn't been able to function for days. The mask she had started to wear the moment her true identity came about, had become prominently embedded on her face during those sickening few days.
She'd been pregnant. And Endymion...Mamoru had left her.
She felt bile up against her throat and she stood to stop herself from throwing up in the middle of the park.
Mamoru stood like a statue, with his back to her and his head tilted up at the sky.
"Okay so…" Usagi started, "you do that...I'll go home…" she gulped down the bile once more and took a deep breath.
She stopped in her tracks when he finally started to talk.
"You're lying…"
Usagi closed her eyes and willed her stomach to behave, "Excuse me?" she said with disbelief.
"You just said that to hurt me. We both know what you did to me…" he hung his head a moment and when he looked up, the rage flaming in his eyes reminded Usagi of hell on earth. The air became thicker around them.
"You think you're the only one with memories?" he walked towards her, "you think I don't have any recollection of how you used me and went back to your little group…," he narrowed his eyes and Usagi took an involuntary step back, "after all those words you whispered day and night. All those smiles and… tell me, was that your plan all along?"
"What are you talking about—"
"Remember that gala your mother had organized for the Alliance?" he didn't wait for a reply, "the one she and all the rest of them had orchestrated to isolate the Earth?" he fisted his hands, "I remember being there. I'd been so afraid of what they might do to you if they found out about us; I had missed you so much, that I snuck in…"
It was strange, but for all the times Usagi had tried to make a clear distinction between herself and Serenity, she no longer minded Mamoru referring to the lost royals as themselves. A pang of something familiar rocked her; a certain feeling she had tried hard to bury inside.
"And I saw you...I saw you with that man…"
A vivid image came to Usagi; her bare hand, adorned with a pearl bracelet, rested comfortably on a slim arm. She looked up that arm and her eyes settled on Haruka...Sailor Uranus; the Senshi of wind was looking at her with tenderness. She looked away and at all the bizarre hairstyles and crowns and flower embellished necks and finally, her seeking stare settled on a pair of eyes she dreamed of day and night...night and day.
Usagi felt like crying because she knew that had been the last time she had seen Endymion; alive and in the flesh.
"You stupid...stupid man…" she growled and even though Mamoru faltered in his speech, his eyes didn't lose their venom.
"The man you saw…" she took a step forward and grabbed Mamoru's collar, "that was Sailor Uranus...she always wore men's clothing...you stupid stupid man…"
It happened in a heartbeat; it felt like falling, but Usagi hadn't felt that telltale gut drop.
One minute she was looking into Mamoru's eyes and the next, she was no longer in Amishiro Park.
No, this wasn't the park anymore, and Mamoru was gone.
She looked around her. The glow of her surroundings took her breath away. The arrays of the sun, in the far distance, cast a gentle luster over the magnificent palace in front of her.
The Earth blinked at her somewhere in the galaxy.
"Welcome to the Silver Millenium, princess."
Usagi whirled around and came face to face with Sailor Pluto. The older Senshi looked the epitome of nobility. Her dark olive skin glowed in the dimness of the moon and her hair danced in the light breeze.
Her lips broke into a happy smile when Usagi looked at her.
"What? I wasn't…" Usagi stuttered, "I was just in the park...in the middle of an argument—"
"With the prince, yes," Sailor Pluto nodded, "I know." She held the Garnet Rod in her left hand, "come, princess, " she touched Usagi's shoulder, " I think it's time for you to see what your memory is not telling you."
"How do you…" Usagi bit back her question. Of course, Sailor Pluto would know. She had been the only one left standing when the whole world turned upside down.
They walked towards the palace. The commotion around them spoke of something extraordinary happening.
"It's the night of the gala…" Sailor Pluto said. She squeezed Usagi's shoulder in reassurance when the smaller girl looked up at her with wide eyes.
They walked across the corridors and hallways Serenity had run around as a child. Usagi clutched her broach that rested on top of her heart. She was bombarded with memories. She could hear the laughter of the Senshi in the distance. Someone called out Serenity's name and asked the princess to come out of hiding. She heard a little girl's giggles as Serenity poked her head from behind a door and ran away from Sailor Venus; the teenage Senshi sulked after her with irritation.
"No one can see us," Sailor Pluto explained, "We are but an illusion in your mind right now; what your soul is yearning to see."
Servants rushed here and there. Some were carrying trays of food and others, coffers of clothing and fine fabrics for the guests. Usagi remembered all the glory this palace had offered the galaxy; all the glory of her bloodline.
"Where's the princess…" a gentle voice called in the distance and Usagi's heart dropped. She quickened her steps and left Sailor Pluto behind.
She turned a corner and froze. Her mind screamed at her to hide, but then, she remembered that she'd been invisible.
The queen glided towards her. Her stunning purple dress hugged her tall slim figure in all the right places and her train trailed behind her in gentle waves. Usagi's eyes watered.
She stood immobile as she watched her mother approach. Fuck. She wanted to reach out and feel her. She needed to feel her. Only for a moment.
The queen walked by slowly and as if in reflex, Usagi extended her arm. The queen stopped and tilted her head to the side.
"What is it my queen?" her lady asked.
Usagi held her breath.
"Nothing dear," the queen whispered. She closed her eyes but a second and smiled, "I just felt utter happiness hugging me whole."
She continued her venture down the hall and disappeared. But Usagi had no doubt that her mother knew she was there.
I wish I could hug you for real mother.
"Come, princess." Sailor Pluto guided her through a passageway Usagi had seen in her dreams. The further they went, the more vibrant everything became. The dull colours around them somehow showed a layer of blushing pink. Usagi could hear distant murmurs.
This was Serenity's private wing. And this, she stepped through the threshold of a double tall door nervously, had been the princess's' bedchambers.
"Are you okay?" Sailor Pluto looked down at her. The kindness in her eyes melted Usagi's doubts.
"I just…" Usagi fixed her eyes on the Senshi of Time; she was afraid to avert her eyes and look at what awaited her in that room, "I just don't know what I feel right now."
"You've traveled through time. It's only natural to feel...shall I say, overwrought?"
Usagi pursed her lips tightly, "I don't know what that means—"
"For goodness sake...Serenity...hold still."
Usagi whipped her head around and her eyes watered almost instantly. Sailor Mars' tone always had an edge and globetrotting centuries hadn't changed that one bit.
Usagi took a wobbly step further in the room.
"Mars...I can't breath."
They'd been standing near the ceiling-high windows. Their slim figures were illuminated against the subtle light and Usagi could see the black fountain of Sailor Mars' hair like she'd seen it only a day ago in Tokyo; glossy and oh so beautiful.
"Stop whining and take a deep breath." Sailor Mars snapped and pulled on the silver strings of Serenity's dress harder.
"Are you trying to kill me?" Serenity shrieked and Usagi's tears finally came.
She stood motionless and aching, as Sailor Mercury came into the room. Ami-chan's adorable face looked a little older than her actual years in Tokyo, but her smile held the same sweetness Usagi was attuned with.
Sailor Jupiter rushed inside, with her usual thunderbolt steps, a hurricane Serenity used to call her, and kissed each of their temples one by one. Mars recoiled and they all laughed.
Usagi couldn't contain her tears.
She stared at the dreamlike depiction in front of her. They all seemed so happy; their faces glowed with youth and, since Usagi knew what the past, present, and future held for them, she also knew that each one of their hearts swelled with love; it showed on their faces, in the way they laughed.
"My darling…" Sailor Venus sashayed through the tall window, "you look ravishing—"
"It's beyond me how you never use the door…" Sailor Mars grumbled and a smile came to Usagi's face; somethings never change; lifetimes and centuries be damned.
The smile vanished, however, the moment Sailor Venus bumped Mars by the hip and whirled Serenity around to do a once over on her. The princess spun in her modest silver dress.
And all colour drained from Usagi's face.
Sailor Pluto stood a few steps away and her eyes bore sorrow as they took in the picture in front of her. It's a pity she never got the chance to meet the princess. She never met any one of them in person. Count your blessings, she thought. She'd been given a second chance.
She looked at Usagi and something twisted inside of her. She seemed so vulnerable, standing there and sobbing silently, and Sailor Pluto knew she was anything but. This tiny slip of a girl was the most powerful being in the galaxy and the Senshi of Time was determined to dull the ache in her heart; maybe then, she would be able to see herself for who she really was.
"I wore that dress only because Endymion told me how pretty I looked in silver." Usagi whispered, "I don't know when he told me that—"
"The dress you wore at your secret wedding," Sailor Pluto's voice sounded intimate, "it shimmered brilliantly against that river…," she answered Usagi's unasked question, "oh yes...I know all about that."
Usagi nodded; it really wasn't a big secret anymore, "I thought...maybe, he would just show up and he would see me in this dress and...fall in love with me again."
"Again?"
Serenity spun around once more and laughed. The delicate fabric of the skirt fell like waves against her feet. The gold crescent moon on her forehead sparkled and Usagi knew how happy she felt in that moment.
"I hadn't seen him for twelve sunsets. I hadn't been able to go to the earth because…" she closed her mouth quickly and glanced at Sailor Pluto with worry.
"Because you were pregnant…"
Usagi gasped, "You...know?"
"When a new star is created, the time gate creaks open for a moment, allowing the new life on the galaxy to seep through…" Sailor Pluto averted her eyes to the gaggle of joy in front of her, "when the princess and the prince bonded in the flesh, your souls intertwined for eternity. It created the brightest star…" her eyes flickered back to Usagi, "the time gate opened wide and it stayed open for far more than I expected. I knew then that you had bonded completely."
Usagi gulped the knot down in her throat. Memories pounded into her like waves of an unspeakable storm and she closed her eyes.
She saw a reflection of herself, Serenity's, through the mirror in her bedchambers, "Hello little one," she whispered at her flat stomach and smiled.
She saw herself walking nervously in the hallways, looking for a way to sneak out to the earth; all the while wondering where Endymion had been.
She saw her doleful self, pining by the ancient waters of the moon. Sailor Venus had been there…
Usagi opened her eyes and looked over at her guardian Senshi. Sailor Venus was as regal and stunning as always. Her slender waist was accentuated by her power chain and her shoulders stood proud and tall.
She was smiling at Serenity's happy giggles; Usagi narrowed her eyes.
Never had she seen such a sad smile on her friend's face; her beloved confidant. An image of Minako's goofy laughter flashed in her mind followed by Sailor Venus's sultry smirk. No...this hadn't been the smile Usagi was accustomed to.
She went to say something, ask something of Sailor Pluto.
But before she could utter a word, she saw the look that passed between Sailor Venus and Sailor Mars. A certain understanding, as the Senshi of Fire nodded once and parted from the group.
Usagi knew that look. She had seen it so many times before. She had thrown that look at her Senshi. Come, I need to speak to you, it said.
"This is so fucked up…" Sailor Mars said as Venus approached her, close to where Usagi had been standing.
"There's no other way—"
"There's always a way."
Venus' eyes were ablaze, "No. there isn't. Tell me you're not a wuss and I didn't make a mistake confiding in you?"
Usagi stepped forward. Up close, she could see the worry wrinkles around Mars' vibrant eyes. They looked sad and it broke Usagi's heart.
"No…" she whispered, "you didn't make a mistake. I just…" she looked over at Serenity and Usagi followed suit.
What was happening?
"Whatever emotions you have Mars, you need to bury them right here and now. We are the sworn protectors of the princess…" Venus looked away from Serenity and Sailor Jupiter dancing childishly, "at whatever cost."
Sailor Mars nodded curtly and she too, looked away from the group, "I told Sailor Uranus. She didn't even throw a fit."
"She never liked the Terran Prince."
Something sharp poked at Usagi's chest. Her breath caught in her throat. Fuck. Was she having a heart attack? Can that even happen in a dream?
"This will destroy her…," Mars hissed and if Usagi hadn't been in severe pain, she would've seen the sparkle of desperate tears in her friend's eyes.
Usagi doubled over and clutched her chest. What's happening? What is this pain?
Before she fell into an abyss of nothingness, she saw the determination on Venus' face, "She will get through it…she has to."
Then, there was only darkness.
Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon in any way. All rights are reserved for its amazing creator Naoko Takeuchi. I just own the story I tell.
