Author's Note: Hi lovelies! Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving! It has been a crazy busy few weeks in my life with the holidays, and sickness, and work, and just… life. I am super happy to finish a chapter I started over two weeks ago. It's been little by little but it's done and I can't wait to post it! Please read and review! Let me know what you guys think! Love you all and thank you for your patience!

"Castiel what are you doing here?" Sara asked confused as to how the angel appeared on the bus without a sound.

"I felt as if you would be safer if someone was with you."

"So you're not here to make me go back?" She asked meekly.

"No. Going back is your choice. I cannot force you to do anything that you do not want to do Sara. I have done my part by bringing you to the Winchesters, what happens from there is up to the three of you."

Sara sighed.

"Sara, may I ask what it is you are doing here?"

"I can't do it." She whispered.

"Do what?"

"Be a hunter."

"I don't think there were ever any expectations for you to become a hunter."

"… I wanted to help. I wanted to be useful."

"Sara, you being who you are is useful to them. You may not realize it yet but your role in their lives is important. They need you, and now that your existence has been revealed to the world, I feel confident in saying that you need them as well."

"They probably hate me right now."

"I think it would surprise you to know their feelings on the matter."

"You don't think they're mad? I got in their way, busted their case, I could have gotten us caught or killed."

"Sara, they are worried about you. Dean mostly. Sam understands your need for space, Dean is much like an over protective parent. He feels responsible for this."

"Why? It's not his fault!"

"Well we both know that, but in Dean's mind. He is always at fault. His life has manipulated his outlook on things."

"He doesn't deserve that…"

"No, he doesn't. But there is nothing we can do to change it."

"I don't know if I can go back… I don't know if I can be okay with them killing people, with letting people die, I just don't know how to make that okay in my head."

"Those who Sam and Dean kill are always guilty of killing someone else, most times its multiple deaths. You have to look at those you're saving, and not those you're killing."

"Well I'm not there yet…"

"Sara. Would you like to talk about what's really bothering you?"

Sara looked up to Castiel and knew by the look in his eye that he was happy to talk about everything else except Anna, but that he knew this all came back to her not being able to move past Anna's death. Not being able to move past how her death affected her family, and friends.

Not able to let go of the guilt. How can she get her best friend killed and then sign up to kill people for the rest of her life? It felt too dark. Too heavy.

She chewed on her lip as she stared out the window, not ready to speak the words out loud. Not able to think about it for more than a second. It hurt too much.

"No." She finally whispered. Castiel nodded slightly.

"Do you mind if accompany you?"

"You don't even want to know where we're going?"

"Sara, I know where you're going. I don't have to ask."

Sara sighed and leaned, letting her head rest against the angel's shoulder. She may not have said it out loud but she was thankful that Cas had appeared, she felt safer with him here. She felt like she wasn't so alone. She was beginning to realize that while she had spent her whole life dealing with things alone, it was a lot easier to do them with someone by your side.

…..

…..

…..

"I don't even know what we're supposed to say to her."

"Well. She probably doesn't really want to talk either… but she should know that she's not alone."

"Cas is there."

"Dean, Cas is not us. Cas is not the person she spends her time with, the people she lives with. She needs to know we're not against her on this."

"This is stupid." Dean said shaking his head.

"Just because you can't express yourself in a healthy way doesn't mean she can't." Sam shot back. Dean turned up the radio so that Sam could not talk over it, and then he stared at the road while his mind went a thousand miles a minute.

He thought about how much it drove him crazy not to know where she is right now. He thought about how he yelled at her, about the look in her eyes. He thought about whether or not he had missed the signs of her grief, did he push when he should have backed off? Did he ask too much?

Why didn't he go after her himself?

And why the hell does this bother him so damn much? What is it about her that irritates him and drives him to no sleep, what is it about her that brings out this insane drive to protect at all cost? He just didn't understand why he was so drawn to her.

Sam on the other hand seemed more concerned for Dean's well being at the moment. He knew Sara needed to grieve, needed to process, but he couldn't understand what exactly Dean needed. It was odd to him to see Dean so caught up on a woman of all things, something that has always come a dime a dozen in his life. He couldn't deny that he enjoyed Sara's company as much as Dean, that he found her as attractive as Dean did, but there was something about her that didn't click with him in the same way. He adored Sara, would lay his life down to protect her, but when he held her in his arms, he didn't feel that familiar punch in the gut that comes with all the other flood of emotion when you truly feel the need to be with someone.

Sam looked over to Dean one last time, then back out his window, knowing that soon this drive would end and then he would have to be the middle ground for both Sara and his brother.

…..

…..

…..

Sara arrived back in her home town right as the sun began to set in the west, falling behind the mountains. She stood and stared at it, then closed her eyes and breathed in the fresh mountain air that she missed so dearly.

"You miss this place." Cas stated, not asking, but observing.

"Yeah. Yeah I do…" But not as much as she missed Anna. Not as much as she missed spending her nights off work at Anna's house eating take out and binge watching TV. Not as much as she missed having a partner in crime when it came to boys, work,… life in general. She missed the one person she never lied to, the one person who she never had to lie to because the secret language they had meant that they didn't need words to communicate. They could talk across the room and no one would know any better. Anna knew her next move before she did, and vice versa.

"Where are we going next?"

"Its getting dark, we should get a room for tonight… I wanna go see Anna in the morning." Sara said softly.

"Okay, should I provide you with some sort of meal before you go to bed?"

"No, Cas. Really I'm not hungry. Thank you though."

"Okay, where to?"

"Um, there's a really nice hotel down the block, do you think you could uh take us there and spare me the cab ride?"

"Sure." Cas smiled as he grabbed Sara by the arm, before she could blink they were standing outside of the hotel, her stomach swimming.

"Oh… geez." She said leaning down to her knees and holding back the wave of nausea.

"Sorry."

"It's okay, I asked for it. Let's uh. Go get a room." Sara said standing and walking in.

Once the room was booked Sara took Cas down the street to the store to buy herself a few sets of clothes, she was unsure of how long she would be in town. She was careful to avoid the hospital, it hurt too much to be that close to it and not be able to go in and see all her friends and coworkers. Not that they would remember her anyways. Once back to the room she was glad she had sprung for the master suite, giving her a private bedroom and Jacuzzi tub in the bathroom. She filled it with hot water and poured in some of the bubbly magic she had missed since moving in with the boys. She lit a few candles and sank down. Breathing in the scent of lavender and vanilla.

Sara couldn't stop her mind from wandering to Sam and Dean. She wanted to know where they were, if they were mad at her, if they were looking for her… or if they were happy to be away from her for a few days. She couldn't stop thinking about how warm she felt with her body against Deans… but then all she could see was the anger in his eyes when she ruined the case. The way he raised his voice, how stupid she must have sounded. Desperate. Damaged.

How could someone like him want to be around someone like that?

…..

…..

…..

Dean was driving in silence. Sam had finally fallen asleep, and he took it as a chance to turn down the music and think. Something that was new for him, felt odd to him. He never felt overwhelmed by the music, but now he did. And it disturbed him. He felt like the silence was the only thing that allowed him to think clearly.

"Hello Dean."

"Geez! Dammit Cas!" Dean yelled as he swerved, causing Sam to jolt awake.

"Sorry." Cas said slowly.

"Wait, if you're here then where is Sara?" Dean asked as he pulled the car to the shoulder. Worry in his eyes.

"She's currently taking what she called a bubble bath. I'm not sure why someone would bathe in bubbles? It doesn't sound like it would be a very effective at cleaning one's body."

Sam sighed and rolled his eyes.

"So she's okay?" Dean asked for clarification.

"Yes."

"We're about 10 hours out… I think we'll meet up with you and her in the morning if you think that's going to be okay with her." Sam said stretching and yawning.

"I think that would be sufficient. She seems to be in a much calmer state of mind at this point."

"Good." Sam nodded. "You think she'll come back?"

"She is afraid the two of you are angry with her."

"Angry? Why would we be angry?" Dean asked confused.

"She feels as if she ruined the case and put the two of you in danger. She feels responsible for the two of you much like you do her."

"Dammit." Dean mumbled. It made him even more upset to think that right now Sara was sitting in a room alone, thinking about how mad at her he must be, when in reality he felt like she should be the one angry with him. Sam watched his brother's internal struggle.

"It'll be fine Dean, when we get there we will have the chance to explain."

"Explain what exactly? How is this conversation supposed to go? We all hug and kiss and makeup? No… there's a problem. We have to figure out how to fix it. She took off Sam. She doesn't want to be with us, and if that's the case then so be it but we have to find a way to protect her while not being with her!"

"Dean. You don't even know if that's what she really wants. Like Cas said… she thinks we're mad at her. She probably thinks we don't want her to come back, she's given no indication that she won't come back with us."

"Oh, you mean other than running off without a word?"

"Dean. She's still grieving. She freaked out."

"Okay. I'm so done with this… when we get there. We figure out the next step. Until then. I'm done talking about it, Cas please stay with her."

"Of course." Cas nodded as he disappeared.

"Why don't you let me drive and you catch some sleep."

"No."

"Whatever." Sam sighed.

…..

…..

…..

The light came through the curtains in glimpses, the movement of the fan causing it to sway. Sara began to awaken and the moment she realized where she was she smiled and jumped out of the bed, rushing over to the balcony and pulling back the curtains.

The sight of the mountains gave her more comfort than anything had in weeks. She pulled on a robe and opened the door, stepping out onto it. She closed her eyes and breathed in the mountain air once again. Letting it fill her with memories. With love. With hope.

But with a hint of sadness she never felt before now.

This place will never mean the same as it did before, it will never hold all the good things, because they're shadowed by tragedy. The more Sara stood there and thought about it the more she lingered her gaze to the left, where she knew the cemetery was. She knew where she had to go, and what she had to do. But it didn't make it any easier to brush her teeth, pull on her clothes, or walk outside of her bedroom door.

When she did she came face to face with Cas, who stood when she entered the room.

"Should I spare the cab drive again?"

"Um. No. Actually I think I'll take this one."

"Very well." Cas nodded.

"Hey Cas, can I uh… can I do this one alone?"

"I'll be watching from afar to ensure your safety."

"Thanks." She mumbled before he disappeared. Sara swallowed and walked down stairs. She walked three blocks over to the best coffee shop in town, one that she visited frequently when she lived her, she knew all the local hidden menu secrets, and the barista usually knew what to prepare for her by the time she made it to the front of the line. But this time when she walked in, everyone looked at her like she was a stranger.

Because she was a stranger now.

She sighed after placing her order, then walked over to the wall where the shop kept pictures, many of groups of customers sitting and chatting, laughing. Her eyes skimmed familiar faces, until it landed on one in particular.

"Anna." She breathed. She recognized this picture… it was a picture of her and Anna sitting together the night after a particularly long and crazy shift. One of the two of them in their uniforms, sleep deprived and exhausted, but still smiling. Happy to be off work.

But now it was just a picture of Anna, alone. Still smiling. Still wearing the uniform.

"Sara." The barista called out, causing her to jump. She turned but quickly realized she was only calling out her ready order. She took her coffee and smiled lightly, discreetly pulling Anna's picture off the wall before leaving. She knew she should take a cab. She knew it was a good five miles down the road to the cemetery, but she felt the need to at least walk her way to the edge of downtown. Once there she stood and waited. Trying to find the nerve. Finishing her coffee before throwing the cup away in the trashcan at the corner bus stop. She stepped out to the edge and hailed a taxi. One stopped quickly and she solemnly gave the driver the instructions.

The ride was short, but slow. Each mile dragging on. Each mile bringing more anxiety than the last. Each mile weighing more on her chest as she tried to breathe slowly and deeply.

"Here Miss." The driver said as he stopped in front of the gate. "Would you like for me to wait on you?"

"No. I'm not sure how long I'll be." Sara confessed.

He nodded and took payment before driving off and leaving Sara alone. She entered the small office in the front of the gate and requested information on the exact site of the grave. This particular cemetery was large and she didn't want to waste time searching, building more anxiety.

Once the map was in her hand she began walking towards the back left corner of the property. Every step was harder to take than the last. Once she was close enough that Anna's headstone was in sight she froze. Unable to take even one more step.

She bit own on her quivering lip and closed her eyes.

"I can't do this." She mumbled turning around, but when she did she came face to face with Cas.

"Sara." He said sympathetically. "You have come this far, don't give up on yourself now. You need this."

"Cas I can't." She whispered as she cried. "I don't how to do this."

"I don't think anyone really does. It's just something you have to do."

"It shouldn't have been her."

"It shouldn't have been you either Sara."

With that Cas was gone again, and Sara was alone. She turned back towards Anna's grave and walked one very small step at a time.

"A beloved daughter and friend. Taken from this world too soon, fly high my angel." Sara read aloud. Words that had been picked out by her mother no doubt, she had always called Anna her angel. Sara kneeled down and reached out to touch the flowers, freshly placed. Someone had been visiting. She suddenly felt guilty for not bringing flowers of her own to lay down.

"Anna…" Sara sighed softly. "I'm so sorry."

She turned her head and chewed on her lip for a moment, knowing that if she let her emotions take ahold of her now then she wouldn't be able to make it through all of this. Wouldn't be able to do what she came here to do.

"I don't know if you can actually hear me, or if you are listening. You're probably up there somewhere getting your nails done or partying." Sara laughed. "But if you can Anna. Just know that I had no idea, about any of this… cause I damn sure would have told my best friend." Tears fell slowly and silently as she stared at the letters on the stone.

"You know, we uh… We never talked about who was going to go first. Or what the other was supposed to do when they were gone. Now I kinda wish we had. I uh, I met some new friends. I don't know if you've been watching, but they're some pretty great people… Anna there is this whole new world out there that we never even knew about. All of these terrible, scary things. But um, these new friends, they hunt down these kinds of things. They protect people."

Sara sighed and moved to lean against Anna's headstone, slowly but surely becoming more comfortable with talking out loud and being in the cemetery. She let her fingers glide over the edge of the cold hard stone.

So heavy.

So final.

"Anna. I don't know how to do this without you." Sara cried. "I don't know how to start over, and make a new life without you… I don't know how to fight monsters, or help save people."

Sara slumped and laid her head on the corner, letting her tears fall down the side of the smooth solid stone. Letting out everything she'd held back for so long. Everything she had buried within herself so that no one would see it. So that she could be a hunter.

But she wasn't a hunter. She wasn't built to be a hunter. It wasn't a part of her that needed to be fulfilled… her place in life was helping people. Healing people. And she knew it would take time to find a way to fit that into a life with Sam and Dean.

But for now all she wanted to do was stay here, listen to breeze blow through the trees, and talk to her best friend one more time.

…..

…..

…..

Sam and Dean drove up as quietly as possible, staying a distance away from where they could just barely spot Sara sitting on the ground. Cas was sitting on a bench, watching her from afar. Once out of the car the boys walked over to stand behind him.

"How long has she been there?" Sam asked quietly.

"An hour or so." Cas answered while still watching her.

"How long should we wait?" Dean asked.

"She's done a fair amount of the crying already. She's talked a lot, now she is just sitting. I think now would be fine."

"Great." Dean sighed. He and Sam began the same long walk that Sara took. But this time the steps were quicker, and while there was anxiety in one of the two men, it didn't stop them from approaching from behind.

Sara could hear the footsteps, she wasn't sure why but she felt relieved that they were here. That they came to find her. To be with her at this point and time. She needed them now more than ever.

"Its beautiful, isn't it?" Sara asked before either brother could say a word. Not looking up to face them, just staring at the stone.

"Yeah. It is." Sam agreed, stepping closer and taking a knee. "Sara, are you okay?"

"Honestly? I don't think I am. Not yet." She answered with surprising calmness. She still had yet to look towards either of them. But Dean took it as a good sign that she was speaking to them at least.

"That's okay. You don't have to be." Sam answered.

Slowly Sara turned, looking at Sam, and then at Dean. As her gaze lingered on his her eyes began to water again.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, barely able to get the words out as her lips quivered.

"Don't sweat it sweetheart." Dean said giving her a small smile. She went to speak again, but couldn't get the words to form. Couldn't push herself to speak. Sam moved forward and took her in his arms. Letting her fall apart with her face in his shoulder, hidden from the world. Safe from judgement. Safe from everything.

"I'm so sorry Sam." She said between breaths.

"Its okay, we're okay." Sam comforted her, rubbing her back and helping her to stand. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he surrounded her. Holding her as tightly as he could. Sara was almost afraid to pull away. Afraid to ask what came next.

"Sara." Sam said softly. "We want you to come back with us."

She turned her head slightly and caught a glimpse of Dean's face, looking for any sign of resistance. Any sign that he didn't want her to come back with them. But what she found was something she couldn't quite pin point. Something she couldn't read.

"I don't want to get in the way." Sara whispered, pulling her eyes back down. "I shouldn't have been there last time… I shouldn't have put you guys in harms way."

"Sara." Dean called, Sam loosened his grip significantly and Sara turned nervously to face him. "It wasn't your fault. It was ours. We asked too much too soon."

"No, no… it wasn't that." Sara shook her head, taking a step closer. "I. I'm just not very good at this whole thing. I don't really know how I'm supposed to let go of my old life, and Anna. And then pick up and be a part of this whole new life. All of this… terrifying shit. I thought I was making it work, but really I think I just kinda shoved one half of myself to the side and tried to pretend it didn't exist. And I can't do that anymore. I have to find a way to fit ALL of me into your life. But. I don't know how? I don't know what to do, Dean." She confessed with a broken voice.

"Just. Let us protect you, you're not safe out here Sara. You're not safe alone."

"But I want to help. I can't just stand by and watch you two risk your lives on a daily basis. I feel useless. I need to help you."

"You will… when the time comes." Sam added.

Sara nodded slightly. Looking back down at the ground, then turning to face Anna's grave.

"Do you want to stay for a while longer?" Sam offered.

"Its not going to make leaving any easier if I stay… why delay it."

"Sara we can go, give you a minute alone." Dean added.

Sara chuckled softly.

"I spent so much of my life alone, being comfortable with being alone, enjoying the peace of being alone… but I kind of miss being with people too. I miss the comfort of having someone there. Anna was always there, but then you two came along."

She turned and looked at them for a moment and let a sad smile fall onto her face.

"I don't want to be alone anymore." She whispered.

She lingered in Dean's gaze for a moment, then looks back to the cold hard slab on the ground. Kneeling in front of it. She smiled and kissed her hand, laying it on the top of the smooth stone.

"Bye Anna." She whispered. Then she stood and walked over to Dean, he wrapped one arm around her. She laid her head against his shoulder, then tilted it to whisper in his ear.

"Please take me home, Dean."

…..

…..

…..

The ride through the mountains from the back seat of the impala was mesmerizing. Dean had stopped at a gas station in town and found directions to the most scenic route back towards home. He and Sam agreed it would be nice for Sara to see the mountains up close before going back to Kansas. The ride was shorter than they all had hoped, but Sara felt a sense of calm with her departure. It was not rushed, and panicked like the first one was. This trip allowed her to take her time with saying good bye, allowed her to appreciate the small things one last time. She felt relieved and almost happy to be returning to the bunker, to try and fit into this crazy life again.

Dean was driving, but Sam noticed he heaviness in his eyelids, knew that he hadn't slept in over a day. Had been driving non-stop.

"Dean. Why don't you crash in the back. I'll drive."

"Yeah." Dean nodded reluctantly, knowing if he didn't go now then he would start nodding off at the wheel. He turned to look back as he pulled onto the shoulder of the road, Sara was asleep, leaned against the door.

"Want me to wake her?" Sam asked.

"No. there's room for two back there." Dean sighed as he climbed out and moved to the backseat. He climbed in slowly and stretched out as much as possible without disturbing Sara.

Sam pulled back out onto the road and Dean was asleep in minutes. Until one particularly deep pot hole woke both him and Sara with a jolt.

"Sammy… try not to kill my car will ya?" Dean groaned.

Sara turn to her left in surprise, when she had fallen asleep Dean had been the one driving.

"How long was I out?" She asked.

"A few hours." Sam answered.

She nodded and looked over to Dean, who looked exhausted still.

"You look like you could use some more sleep." She smiled.

"Yeah." He smiled back. Sam had the radio on and was humming along, not paying attention to the two of them in the back. "Hey listen… Sara. I'm sorry for everything. I shouldn't have dragged you out there like that."

"Dean. It wasn't your fault. I thought I was ready… I wanted to be ready. You couldn't have known I was going to lose my mind. I shouldn't have pulled that on you, I owe you the apology."

"Nah, it was a hard case. It wasn't what any of us expected."

"You should lay down." She said softly, pulling her sweater off her shoulders and folding it in her lap to make a pillow.

"No. I'm good." Dean shook his head.

"Dean. Come on. You're exhausted… I can see it on your face."

"Sure you won't mind?" He asked sheepishly.

"Not at all." Sara smiled in return. "I owe you for the body warmth."

"Oh that pleasure was all mine." Dean winked. Sara rolled her eyes playfully as Dean moved in the backseat and laid on his back, his head resting on her lap, his feet tipped up and crossed against the door. He took a deep breath and wiggled to get comfortable in his new found spot.

Sara leaned back against the window and closed her eyes, waiting for sleep to find her again, but she only found Dean's soft snores. She peeked her eyes open, and he was soundly sleeping. She reached up and gently pulled her fingertips through his short, but soft hair.

It wasn't lost on Sara how symmetrical Dean's face was. How sharp his jaw line was, and soft and pink his lips were. She let her fingertips trail down the side of his cheek, tickling over his stubble, he began to move and she quickly pulled back. He didn't wake, only turned his body and laid against her legs again. She reached down and let herself fall asleep running her hand through his hair.

…..

…..

…..

"Dean."

"Hmmm…"

"Dean. Wake up. We're home." Sam said softly. Trying not to wake Sara.

Dean's eyes slowly pulled open, it took him a moment to realize that Sara's hand rested on the back of his neck, her face curled into the seat. He slowly moved, and it stirred her awake as well.

"Where are we?" She asked with her eyes still closed.

"Home." Dean answered.

As Dean sat up, Sara who was still mostly asleep leaned against him. He put his arm around her and squeezed before moving to climb out of the backseat. He went around and grabbed bags from the trunk. Carrying them in with Sam before coming back out, still finding Sara dozing. He smiled and leaned down, picking her up and carrying her inside.

"Mm… Dean." She mumbled against his neck.

"Yeah?"

"M'hungry."

"Music to my ears, I'm starving." Dean agreed as he set her down on one of the softer chairs in the library. "I think you're gonna have to open your eyes if you want to eat without making a mess though."

"Where we gonna go?" She blinked.

"How do pancackes sound?"

"Amazing." Sara smiled.

"Well, if you think you could make some of that bacon again- then I can handle the rest." Dean said with eyebrows raised.

"Dean its like two in the morning." Sara giggled.

"Exactly, its breakfast time." He grinned.

…..

…..

…..

"Coming in hot." Dean warned as he slid past Sara with a pan in his hand, using his spatula to slide pancakes off onto a plate. Sam was showering while Dean and Sara were cooking. Sara was in charge of bacon and bacon only, Dean's orders. He insisted on making the rest. She showered first, letting him get started, and by the time she finished the bacon he had the rest of a five course breakfast laid out on the bar in the kitchen. Once she finished the bacon she walked over with a piece in her hand and held it out. Dean wasted not a second eating the entire thing in one bite.

"Oh… so good." He moaned with is mouthful, his eyes rolling backwards.

"Oh stop. Its just bacon." Sara said walking away with blushed cheeks.

"Damn good bacon."

"Wow." Sam said walking in. "You two must have really been hungry."

"Starving." They said at the same time. Sara blushed again and looked away from Sam as he grinned at her.

"What can I do to help?" Sam asked.

"Nothing. We're done. Just getting ready to set out some plates." Sara answered.

"I'll take care of that."

Sam set out the plates and the three of them sat down at the table, food spread everywhere. For the time it took them to make such a large meal they spent little time devouring it. Conversation was minimal as everyone was too busy chewing, and by the time they were done Sara was nodding off with a fully belly to put her right to sleep.

"I don't think I could eat one more bite." She confessed with closed eyes.

"I could." Dean smiled reaching over and stealing the last bite of bacon off her plate. She opened one eye and shook her head. Sam laughed.

"Thanks for cooking guys, I got the clean up." Sam offered as he stood.

"No way. This place is a mess. I'll help." Sara said standing immediately afterwards.

"Sara, you're half asleep. Go to bed for a few hours. Sun will be up by then." Sam insisted.

"No. I can help."

"Sara." Sam smiled taking the plate from her hand. "Bed."

"Fine, dad." Sara mocked with a wink. "Thanks for breakfast Dean, she rubbed her hand along his back as she walked by. It sent tingles down to his toes, but he'd never admit that out loud. Once she was gone he stood and began helping Sam.

"I'm glad she came back… She seems to be in a much better mindset about being here." Sam said as he started the sink.

"Yeah. I guess."

"Dean. What's on your mind?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing my ass... what is it?"

"We still have to hunt, Sam. We gotta figure out a way to do that and not scare her off again."

"It'll be fine. We'll give her a few days to readjust before going back out. We'll find an easy one."

"We thought the last one was going to be an easy one."

"Well, Dean. We can't just avoid cases because we're afraid she's going to run. We've got to help her figure out what to do in situations like that. Maybe we could let her stay back at the motel for the gorey stuff, ya know?"

"Your mean for the stuff that almost kills us? Isn't that when we really need her."

"Yeah." Sam sighed, realizing Dean's point. "They won't all be like the last one. She'll adjust. Don't worry about it."

"I'm not worried about that… I'm worried about not getting her or us killed next time we're out there and the thing we're hunting isn't some teen wolf. If something like that does happen again then it could be really bad."

"It won't." Sara's voice interrupted.

"Sara, we thought you went to bed." Sam said turning abruptly. Dean closed his eyes and sighed, wondering how much of the conversation she heard.

"Forgot something." She said as she walked over and picked up a small bag off the counter. "I'm not going to run off again, Dean."

"Sara we know it's just tha-" Sam began to explain.

"It's just that you don't think I can handle it… I get it. I'm not sure I can either. But I'm not going to run again. I took off because I felt like part of me was still back in Colorado. But I've tied that loose end. I'm not saying I'm ready to go back out there and face the world, but I'm ready to try."

"Sara, we just want you to be safe. We can't drop our guard on a hunt. It gets people killed."

"So teach me. Tell me what I need to do to not be in the way Dean. Stop talking about it behind my back and say it to my face… help me understand."

"Okay. You're right. Sorry. We should have discussed it with you."

"Am I safe to go to bed, or should I stick around for the next half of the conversation?" She asked with mild offense.

"No. We're done." Dean said pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Goodnight." She mumbled before leaving. Dean looked up to Sam and sighed before going to bed himself. He laid there, wondering how to fit her into the equation. He thought he had it all figured out, but obviously that didn't work out well for either of them. So now he needed a new game plan. A new strategy.

His whole life the women had just been off to the side, the fun part, the upside. How was he going to fit one into the nitty gritty danger without her losing her cool again? How was he going to be focused on doing the job when he's constantly looking over his shoulder?

But on the contrary, how could he not have her around. In the short time she'd come into his life a part of him had attached to her. He couldn't leave her behind when she was vulnerable, not until she was confident in self defense. He couldn't have her locked up, she'd feel like a prisoner.

And as much as he tried to bury the thought in his mind, he couldn't be away from her, because when he was all he could think about was what she was doing.

No. He thought to himself. Dean Winchester cannot be falling in love, his life was never made to work that way. He had never had a place for that, women were for fun, to blow off steam, but to love one? After Lisa?

Never again.