Chapter Fifteen – Voices Within
I tried to fill Dimitri in on as much as I could without triggering him into a bout of homicidal rage, though he seemed rather placated by the knowledge that I was pregnant again. I told him that I knew exactly what they wanted with me, though I knew not their ultimate goal once they stole my crest; that the one who had been provoking me was dead, and I had the satisfaction of not only killing him once, but twice; that that person told the truth about there being an imposter here.
"Cyril?" Dimitri's eyes flickered to the doorway. I remained confident that Cyril wasn't anywhere near right now, given that Dedue was probably right outside. "Those monsters… I knew that they were capable of such heinous things, but… to do it to one of our own…" He stood and started to turn around, stopping only when I grabbed his hand. "We must eliminate him."
"No," I said. "Not yet, anyway. I want to use him. If we feed him false information about our plans, with the help of the others, we can start to be a step ahead of the Agarthans. This whole time we've been one step behind, but now we will be able to turn the tide in our favor."
Dimitri sat back down and put a hand to his chin. He had always been incapable of growing a beard and kept his face with a clean shave, which I didn't mind because I disliked kissing him with stubble. But he had this idolization of his father that I couldn't compete with, and he kept trying to grow something. Right now, he had a few blond hairs on his chin where he placed his hand, and I prayed that he'd trim it off when we got home.
"You're right, my love. This will give us time to prepare a plan. But do we tell the others? What if more of them are compromised?" he wondered.
I thought the same, as terrible as those thoughts were. If they got to Cyril, surely they could have gotten to the others, too. Adonis never indicated that Cyril was the only one, just that he had warned me about him, and I failed to listen. But I was hopeful that the remainder of our allies had not been taken, given that revealing more of them to me would have been further leverage back in Shambhala, which they could have used back there.
"I think we're okay. We'll keep it on a need-to-know basis to be safe."
My husband nodded. I could practically see all the thoughts flashing through his mind. He was overwhelmed. Dimitri always had been brilliant at managing all that he needed to do as king, but there were many conflicting emotions being held at bay right now—excitement about our growing family, anxiety about the possibility of losing us, confusion about who we could trust, rage at the ones who started all this.
"Either way, I don't think you should be alone with him, or anyone for that matter," he said finally.
I opened my mouth to start to protest, but Dimitri held up a hand to continue.
"I know you do not like that, and I am not trying to say that you cannot handle yourself. Clearly you can," he explained. "But with you knowing where their stronghold is and what they want, they are going to get desperate. Is that not the whole reason they mentioned knowing where our children are? They're willing to go into Almyra now because you've messed up enough of their plans."
"Oh. We need to talk to Claude."
I started to shift my legs to the side of the bed to stand, but Dimitri put his hands on my shoulders and held me down. And if he wanted to hold me down with that strength of his, I wasn't going anywhere.
"I think we're best off returning to Garreg Mach and reorganizing. We can talk to Claude there. Let me go discuss with the others, and we'll be off shortly. You need some rest, as well." He stood and pulled the sheets up from the wad I made at the foot of the bed, tucking me in as though I was a child. "You have been putting yourself through unnecessary strain. And I know you won't want to hear this, but now that we know you're pregnant, I think you should—"
"Let's talk about that later. Besides, you know I'll win the argument. I always do," I interrupted.
Dimitri rolled his eye and then kissed me on the forehead. "Of course you do. Good night."
I watched him the whole way out of the room before lying back down. I wasn't tired anymore, so just sitting here felt like a waste of time. I could walk out there right now and demand we leave, and as queen, I had that authority. But I couldn't make my legs move this time, and my eyelids actually felt heavy again.
Finally. I never thought he would leave. I have much to discuss with you.
I shot up, undoing the cocoon of blankets Dimitri folded around me.
Ha. Do I still startle you so after all this time?
"Sothis?" I asked.
Are you expecting someone else?
"It's been a long time. I resigned myself to never hearing your voice again."
Sothis's voice laughed within my head. It was strange to hear her again after all this time. The last time I did was when her soul forged with mine, though I expected she was also the one who woke me up after my five-year slumber. Even if she was, even if that was truly her voice I heard, it had been years since then. I never thought I would hear her again.
Which was why I suspected—no, should I say "knew" at this point?—that my baby bore the Crest of Flames. If I could hear her, that had to mean her soul was transferring from me to another receptacle. Our bond was unraveling as the baby in my womb developed.
I have always been with you. But I have missed the moments we shared talking together. So many times I wanted to interject and tell you the mistakes you were making, but I admit that maybe it was for the best. You do well at learning from your mistakes. I suppose you never needed me to hold your hand. Perhaps I only held you back by doing so.
"No, that's not true," I assured her. "I've missed your guidance. You always know what to say."
Thank you for saying that. But you don't need me. You have done well on your own. Married a king and everything, I see.
I didn't respond to that. Sothis had always been skeptical of Dimitri, probably because she sensed whatever darkness rested within him during our school days. She mentioned it on occasion, but I never took it to heart. If I had, I would have been better prepared for what I found in the Goddess Tower on the day of the Millennium Festival.
It all worked out in the end, of course, but if she had been there with me, would things have gone differently? Would she have known how to deal with Dimitri back then? Or would she have steered me away from him for my own protection?
"What did you want to discuss?" I asked, changing the subject away from my husband.
Yes, well… you know why we are able to have this conversation right now, do you not?
I put a hand on my stomach. I could hardly feel the bump, it was so subtle. One would think I simply had a large meal.
Exactly. The child within you has allowed us to speak again now that its brain has begun to develop, though only temporarily. The moment the child is born, our connection will be permanently severed. And while I cannot say for sure, I suspect that means every aspect of our connection will be torn apart. Only one of you can serve as the vessel of the goddess. Do you understand?
"But more than one person can bear the same crest," I pointed out.
True, and you will not lose yours. You will continue to be able to use the Sword of the Creator, and in time, so will this child. But the child will become my new vessel. Still, unless I gift my powers to him as I did to you, I can choose to just be a voice in his head.
"His?" I repeated. "A son?"
Oh, did you not want to know?
"It's fine. Do you know how old?"
About six weeks. You have a long journey ahead of you.
I wondered if I should relay all this information to Dimitri. Probably. It wouldn't be fair to keep him out of the loop, and he would lose his mind with joy to find out he would be having another son. Though it would probably be best to refrain from telling the kids for now… Katrina would be heartbroken that she wouldn't have a sister.
Byleth, listen to me.
The casual tone of our conversation was gone now, replaced with one of urgency.
You must be wary of the Agarthans. They will use whatever methods they can to get your crest. And while I cannot say why they want it, their thirst for revenge on my family outweighs anything else in their mind. You have escaped them once, meaning that they know what kind of threat you pose. And it will no longer be about manipulating you to come to them. They will murder your friends and family until you are the only one left.
"How do I stop them? I can't just give myself over this time knowing what I do now. And if they know that I know where their stronghold is, I imagine they'll abandon it," I told her. There was no way they would make themselves sitting ducks for our armies. "It will make destroying their forces more challenging because we'll have to find them again."
Yet they also will be unable to rely on their technologies in the same way as before. Which is another reason why they will not fight fair this round. They will destroy everything to get to you. You must be cautious.
"Are we safe at Garreg Mach? Do you know that?"
I believe so. There must be special protections around it to prevent from outside attacks. They would have to infiltrate it and attack from the inside, and at that point, I imagine you would know they were coming.
I rose from my bed, holding the Sword of the Creator, and made my way over to the exit of the barracks. "Thank you, Sothis. I think it's about time we started moving."
With haste. And listen to Dimitri—do not be alone with Cyril's imposter.
We mobilized our group on the road to Garreg Mach within the hour. Dimitri had not been pleased seeing me out of bed so soon, but he agreed that the sooner we made it back to the monastery, the better. It took well over a day to make it back, but morale was back to normal since our captures. No one suspected for a moment that we were still being tricked.
Dimitri must have said something to Dedue, though, because the man of Duscur would not leave my side. If it was the need-to-know basis that we claimed, apparently Dedue needed to know. And that was fair enough—as Dimitri's vassal and friend, it made sense to inform him of our predicament. I just wished Dedue would give me a little space. Sylvain tried to throw his arm over my shoulders, and Dedue nearly knocked him to the ground over it.
By the time we made it back to Garreg Mach, we were all dirty and tired, and I wanted nothing more than to soak in a hot bath just to wash myself of the violation I felt from being in Shambhala. It was late, the sun having set hours ago behind the mountains, so there was no point in holding a strategy meeting now.
"Teach!"
Claude greeted us at the main gates, and he jogged towards me. I thought for a brief moment that he might hug me, but he seemed to control himself and stopped an arms-length away from me instead.
"I'm glad you're safe, Teach," he said, but his face didn't hold the same emotion his words conveyed. He looked solemn—he wasn't even making an effort to mask it, like he usually did around the others.
"What's wrong?"
He seemed surprised that I read him, as if he had tried to put up his guard but was unknowingly unsuccessful at it. He glanced around at the group and then stepped forward, putting a hand on my elbow and cocking his head towards the monastery.
"We need to talk. You, me, and Dimitri."
It was serious, whatever it was. He didn't usually refer to Dimitri by name.
We parted ways with the others, and as I began to stroll off with Claude and Dimitri—Dedue not far behind—I caught Cyril's eyes. No one suspected anything, and for good reason. The imposter mastered his role. Cyril's face, his eyes, looked right back at me, and all I saw was the boy who brought the monastery back from the brink of destruction with his own two hands.
I tore my gaze away and followed behind Claude. He led us to my own bedroom, the one place with ultimate privacy here, with the exception of Sothis eavesdropping in my head. Dedue posted himself outside the door, so we would still need to speak in whispers, but this would be the only place we could come with no chance of being interrupted.
We three stood in the center of the small room, all mere inches apart. Dimitri crossed his arms, and the space was so tight with the three of us that just doing that made it so our arms were now touching.
"What's going on, Claude?" Dimitri demanded.
Claude was completely without his façade now. His tanned skin had a pale hue, like he might very well get sick any minute.
"I should start by saying… Alexi and Katrina are safe," he began.
My stomach began to do flips. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"Exactly what I said: they're safe. They're on their way here with Hilda."
There was no joke about Hilda's ability to travel with the kids on her own. There was no crack that the kids were safe but Hilda wouldn't be after this, or whatever stupid comment he would make about his own wife. Whatever it was that Claude was building up to, it wasn't good.
"We requested that they should return here… but that message shouldn't have made it to Almyra yet," Dimitri pointed out.
"Hilda began to suspect that something was amiss a few days ago and made the choice to evacuate the palace with your kids. She sent me a message yesterday," Claude elaborated. "Nader chose to stay to help manage things with both of the Almyran leaders out of the country. And… well, he should have left."
"Stop beating around the bush, Claude. What happened?" I demanded. Because I was still trying to whisper, it all came out as more of a hiss than anything. "What do you mean he should have left?"
Dimitri uncrossed his arms but moved closer to me, slithering one arm around my waist. It should have felt comforting, but I felt too sick now to calm down. Something happened in Almyra, something bad, and now Nader was…
"The javelins of light. The Agarthans must have thought the kids were still there, and they attacked the capital. Most of the city is gone. The palace is completely destroyed. I just got the message from an express wyvern maybe an hour ago." Claude swallowed and then ran a hand through his hair. "I have to go back. The people who survived are going to think that Fódlan is responsible, so I have to do some damage control."
"Goddess…" Dimitri breathed.
"Claude, I'm… this is all my fault." I felt tears—tears that I didn't want to feel, tears that threatened every once in awhile but never actually came—trickle by the corners of my eyes. "I shouldn't have gotten you involved. I sent my children there, and because of that, I…"
Claude put a hand on my shoulder and shook his head. "It's not your fault, Teach."
One tear escaped and fell down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away and stepped back from his grip. "I will never be able to repay my debt to Hilda," I said. "And I will never be able to fix the damage that I brought to your home and your people. But…" I looked at Dimitri for backup before turning my attention back to Claude. "You know we'll do whatever we can to help you rebuild and to support your citizens."
"The Almyrans are resilient people, so we'll bounce back from this like a phoenix from the flames," Claude assured us. "And there is good news to come from this tragedy…"
He's got a gleam in his eye. Do you see it? Sothis pointed out. He's angry. I'm not sure I've ever seen him angry before.
She was right. This was the angriest I had ever seen this normally composed—if not dangerously so—man.
"Almyra is now officially involved, which means you have my unconditional support. No more scheming from the shadows," Claude said. His voice, despite his demeanor, remained calm.
"You should focus on your city for now, Claude," Dimitri told him. "Return to Almyra and do what you need to do there before you help us."
Claude seemed surprised at this response. The Dimitri from the war would've sided with Claude—immediately beginning some plot to destroy the Agarthans and enacting some sort of cruel revenge. But the Dimitri now controlled his anger, not without struggle, and spoke reason. It was almost as if Claude hoped Dimitri would respond with rage.
So, all he could do now was nod.
"Will you tell Hilda what happened when she arrives? And that I'm glad she made it out?" Claude asked.
"Of course."
"I'll be in touch as soon as I can," he assured us and started for the door.
"Oh, Claude?" I called as his hand turned the knob. He froze before pushing it open, but he didn't look back at me. "I'm sorry for doubting you before."
His grip loosened on the knob; I could see his knuckles shift, the color return. Still, he didn't turn. "Telling me about your father was apology enough."
And then he was gone. The door closed behind him, leaving Dimitri and me alone in my room.
I lost it. I buried myself into my husband's arm, pushing my face as deep as it would go into his chest. The last time I cried like this, it had been over my father's death. But now, it was over all the mistakes I made that I could not reverse. Sothis told me that I learned from my mistakes, that I didn't need her to hold my hand, but didn't this prove otherwise?
But when that feeling passed, when the sadness at destroying the lives of people not even involved faded, I was left with something else.
A gleam in my eyes, too.
Author's Note: Sorry for the late chapter. I, um, have been busy playing Pokémon Shield (Grookey Gang, ftw). I'll try not to let it distract me as much this week.
