Chapter Twenty-Three – Growing Up

Adonis appeared much as he had before. One might never suspect that I had once killed him. So, why was he here if I remembered snapping his neck so clearly in my memories?

There was no time to ponder it now.

"I killed you once—no, twice. I can do it a third time," I told him, preparing to attack once more.

Adonis took a defensive stance, but there were openings. He doubted me, didn't think I would go for it. I could tell that he thought I wanted answers; certainly, I did. The thing was, I didn't have the liberty of getting answers right now. It was either fight or die. Live or lose. They would get my crest, or they wouldn't.

The woman beside him held one of her arms up in front of her, and a white light burst forward. It reminded me of the magic used back in Shambhala to keep my immobilized in the chair. It had to be the same. I could no longer move, not even my eyes to check in on the men beside me.

The only good news was that I knew it would wear off, and I suspected they knew that, too. But who knew how much time this would last now?

She stepped forward towards us, her expression stoic, almost bored. She had dark hair, cut short, and the same grayish skin as the other Agarthans. It wasn't until she lifted her other arm that I had any idea who she might be. Where a hand should be was something more metallic, like a part modified from one of those beasts from Shambhala that attacked me. It had parts like a hand, five separate "fingers," but it was not entirely human in design. They resembled knives more than fingers.

"Seiros is not the only one who can use crests to manipulate the laws of humanity," Adonis said from where he stood, even as the woman stepped closer. "Our brothers and sisters believed in our cause enough to use crests to save us. Agarthan medicine is well beyond that of normal humans, but even we cannot bring back the dead through natural means. So, we were inspired by you."

The woman diverted from her path towards me and stopped in front of Felix. I could see her frightening fingers from my peripherals. And all I could do was pray to the goddess within me that she wouldn't use them against my friends.

"For you to bear the Crest of Flames can only mean it was implanted in you. Yet the Crest of Flames we gave to our Flame Emperor did not produce any Sothis-like affects. How frustrating this was," Adonis continued. "We realized there must have been some other connection—and through our investigations, we found out Seiros was committing the ultimate sin and creating life of her own volition. Your mother was one such creation, it seems. So, now, we had another mystery to uncover."

The woman moved, but she was slightly out of my view now. I could not tell what she did, but I had a feeling I wouldn't like it when we were able to move again.

"The mystery?" Adonis went on as if nothing happened. I could only hope for this to be the case. "All records we could retrieve indicate that the woman we suspect to be your mother died in childbirth—so, why would Seiros not save her? Unless she could only save one of you. And the only way she could… well, that would be with the Crest of Flames she was spreading around. So, a new hypothesis: crests can be used to revive the recently deceased assuming all fatal damage can be reversed."

To die, and to live again… my heart that did not beat… the crest that powered me…

"Well, the discovery was not made in time to save our high priest, Thales, but Sybil and I are so honored to have been deemed worthy. Crests are rare to come by, you know. These were harvested years ago during the war, but they retain their power even outside the body." Adonis held out his hand and stretched his fingers, as if the new crest within him powered him. It seemed likely that it did.

The woman, Sybil, crossed in front of me to head towards Sylvain. I wanted to run my blade through her one more time, so desperately, to stop whatever she was doing to my friends, my students, but I couldn't feel any hint of movement returning. The spell was more powerful than before, courtesy of the crest within the witch now.

"Now, you really should have taken Theron's offer," Adonis said. His tone sounded conclusive—this was the end, of me, of everything. The only thing I could do now was pray to Sothis.

I cannot do anything. I have been trying, I assure you, she responded. Her voice was ragged, as if she had just finished running. Byleth, recall that my powers are yours. Focus your energy. You can do this!

Magic had never been my forte, not like the sword was, so focusing my energy didn't mean much to me.

But I had just thought of it when a bright flash exploded around me, and Sybil was blown backwards towards Adonis. A second flash came next, knocking Adonis off his feet. He looked up from the ground, but his gaze was beyond me. He grimaced, then scampered forward on his hands and knees towards Sybil. He grabbed onto her ankle, and the two of them vanished.

The second they were gone, the spell dissipated, and I collapsed to my knees. Felix and Sylvain both collapsed, gasping for air beside me.

"Felix? Sylvain?" I breathed, glancing between them.

Someone else hurried forward to Sylvain first and knelt beside him. Warm light appeared for a moment, disappearing almost as quickly as it appeared. The person moved to Felix, and the same warmth radiated like a breeze again.

"Professor, are you all right?"

I blinked away the haze from my dry eyes and looked up to see Mercedes in front of me with her hand extended. I grasped it, and she helped me to my feet. Sylvain and Felix beside me didn't move, and I stared down at them in horror as I noticed splatters of blood across the stone ground.

"They'll be all right," Mercedes assured me.

"How did you know to come here?" I asked.

"Alexi." She smiled and grabbed my hand. "We were up on the third floor, and Alexi saw you heading to the marketplace. He said he had a bad feeling."

Alexi…

He saved you, Sothis said. Just like your other son did.

"They're hiding in the library now, so they are all right. Still, I think we should probably get back to them, and bring Felix and Sylvain to the infirmary while we are at it." She paused, and her gaze drifted down to my stomach. "Oh, but Professor, you shouldn't lift anything. In that case, why don't you go to your children? I'll watch over these two until anyone comes back who can help."

I nodded and squeezed Mercedes's hand still holding mine. "Thank you, Mercedes."

She smiled at me, then let go of my hand to gesture for me to go. I hurried away through the empty halls to make it to the second floor. I wondered how the battle outside the monastery was going—with Theron, Adonis, and Sybil's retreat, I hoped that the remaining Agarthans would retreat as well.

Katrina and Alexi were in the library as promised. Alexi had grabbed a book of fables from one of the shelves and was reading the pictures to Katrina, who wasn't really paying any attention. Instead, she was pulling books off the shelves, making a mess that the librarian would be angry to discover if we didn't put it back.

Alexi dropped his book when he noticed me. "Mommy! You're okay!"

"Thanks to you," I whispered, sitting down on the floor beside him. "How did you know to send Auntie Mercedes?"

He hugged me, his arms as tight as he could get them around me. "I got this weird tingly feeling in my stomach. Like butterflies. Like someone telling me to help."

Sothis?

Huh, was all she said, but thoughtfully, not as a question.

Magic, maybe? Was Alexi meant to study magic?

A loud clatter startled both Alexi and I, and he frowned as he stared at his sister. "Mommy, Katrina won't listen to me," he said.

"No!" Katrina announced gleefully and pulled another book down.

I knew she would grow out of it, but I still couldn't wait for her rebellious toddler phase to be over and done with.

But then again… she would keep growing and growing and getting older, while I stayed me. She would surpass me, she and Alexi both, and this little boy within me, and they would turn gray before me. Dimitri would live like a grandfather should when Katrina and Alexi started families of their own should they desire it, while I would watch them grow older and older still.

I could watch the descendants of my family carry on the legacy left to them, a gift that others would never get to witness.

The converse of that being that I would have to watch them all die.

Except… my father…

He lived on because Rhea saved him. An infusion of Crest-bearing blood that extended his lifespan… I could do the same for my family, let them live on with me, live like Seteth and Flayn did. Spanning the ages for what would feel like an eternity, but as long as we were together…

I looked down at my hands, scarred and calloused, and clenched my fingers into my palm.

Alexi hugged me again. "Mommy?"

"Let's teach Katrina how to put them back, okay?" I suggested.

We crawled over to Katrina and began to pick up the books. Even as Alexi and I restocked the shelves, and Katrina pulled them right back off, I couldn't get frustrated with her. She was a child, learning and growing, and she didn't know any different yet.

She might become someone like Alexi, kind and innocent, who didn't get angry despite his sister undoing all his work. But then again, she might become someone different entirely.

How would I know unless I gave her the opportunity to grow up?

Unless… unless?


The soldiers returned from the field not long after the three Agarthans fled from the marketplace. As I suspected, the retreat of Theron, Adonis, and Sybil led the rest of the Agarthans to retreat, as well. But that didn't mean there was no damage from the battle, as short as it was.

Dimitri held Areadbhar still, its tip stained red with blood no matter how much he wiped it clean, as he walked into the infirmary. Felix and Sylvain both woke before anyone returned from the battle and insisted on walking themselves to the infirmary—because they still had to go, Mercedes ordered. Sylvain was sitting up in bed with Alexi on his lap, while Felix lay facing the wall.

"I was told I could find you here," Dimitri said to me, shutting the door once Claude followed in behind him. Another makeshift infirmary would have to be made in the reception hall to make room for the injuries from battle that this little room could not manage. We would have privacy here for the time being.

Katrina wriggled as Dimitri picked her up, until she practically squirmed out of his grip entirely and nearly tumbled to the floor. Dimitri managed to catch her before she dropped headfirst, though, and then let her run free.

"How'd it go?" I asked.

Claude grimaced. "Well, when you keep taking your opponent by surprise, it's easy to look good. I would say we did well holding them off, except…"

"Casualties were kept to a minimum, and considering it was an unexpected battle, this is the best we could have hoped for," Dimitri said.

"Well, if it wasn't for Mercedes, the three of us would be dead, so I'd say we fared great on our end, too!" Sylvain agreed cheerfully. I shot him a look, and he glanced down at Alexi. He covered my son's ears before continuing, "I mean, is there a better way to die than with some lady's fingers inside your chest?"

Dimitri shook his head. "Okay, Sylvain."

"Why did you say 'except,' Claude?" I asked.

"A couple of students couldn't hold their own. We did what we could." He set Failnaught down in the corner of the room and then sat down in one of the armchairs at the foot of Sylvain's bed. "I guess I didn't think of us as kids back then, but now that I'm older… well, yeah, they're just kids. We were kids when Edelgard started the war."

Kids who had to grow up too fast. Kids who died before they could grow up.

Sylvain and Felix had been kind enough not to ask me about what Theron and Adonis said. I had a feeling that was why Felix was being so quiet, though. Not that he usually had a lot to say. Still, I couldn't help but wonder if that was the connection.

I wanted to talk to them about it. Maybe I would at some point, but I couldn't do it with the kids in the room. And I needed to talk to my husband first.

"It's the reality of the time we live in. If we want these kids to see peace, we have to be the ones to provide it for them," Sylvain said. He took his hands off Alexi's ears and instead ruffled his hair. "We have to protect the future for the ones who need it."

Even though the moment was a somber one, I couldn't help but smile. Sylvain didn't take a lot of things seriously, which I learned was something he did on purpose, so when he showed himself in moments like these, I couldn't help but admire him. He was smarter than he looked, smarter than he portrayed himself.

"Then let's stop them. Once and for all. We must end this. It's just a matter of figuring out how," Dimitri said.

"About that…" I hesitated, glancing at my kids: Alexi in Sylvain's lap, Katrina now on her stomach on the floor playing with her doll. "I think I have an idea."

"Let's hear it, then," Claude said.

I shook my head. "I need to talk to Dimitri in private first."

"Oh." Dimitri's eye widened, indicating his surprise, but he nodded all the same. "Then excuse us, everyone."

"Daddy!" Katrina screamed, scrambling to her feet and running towards him. "Katrina go!"

"We'll watch them," Sylvain assured us, patting Alexi's head. "And by we, I mean Claude will watch that one." He nodded his head towards Katrina.

Claude sighed. "You got it. Go ahead. Just don't take too long."

He scooped Katrina up, leaving Dimitri and I free to make a break for it. We walked down to the cardinals' office that we had used as a war council room more than it was ever used by the cardinals. I gestured to a chair, knowing that the discussion could be a bit… weird. He might need to sit down for it, lest he ended up sitting, anyway.

"Are you okay?" I asked first, sitting in the chair cater-cornered to his. I grabbed his left hand, flipping it over to examine the scars on his palm. There were traces of blood in the lines of his skin that he hadn't managed to wash away.

"Was this what you needed to ask me privately?" He smiled, curling his fingers in and trapping my hand within his. "If I was all right?"

"Of course not, but shouldn't I still check up on my husband?" I looked up into his eye, the color of the sky, and bit my lip as I thought about what to say. "No, it's about… Sothis."

Me? What about me?

"Is the baby all right?" Dimitri sat up straighter, and his grip on my hand tightened. I squeezed his fingers, my indication that he was too strong, and he immediately relaxed again.

"Fine. No, it's about Sothis and me. You know when Solon sent me to Zahras, and Sothis gifted me all her powers so that I could escape?" I asked, and Dimitri nodded. "Well, like Rhea and Seteth and Flayn… I stopped aging as a result. Or, not stopped, but… slowed down significantly. So, while you continue your life as a normal human, I've been stuck in my twenties, and I will be… for I don't know how long. I mean, Seteth has looked the same as long as we've known him."

Dimitri shifted in his seat and inhaled deeply. "What does that mean for our children?"

"Well, I was thinking about that," I admitted. "At first, I thought that I would have to watch them get older while I stayed the same because neither of them inherited the Crest of Flames. But then I thought… Rhea gave my father some of her blood to save him, and he ended up having a lengthened lifespan, too. So, if it's the blood, then Alexi and Katrina would already have some of mine."

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "But they have been aging."

"Exactly. So, in my case, I don't think it is the blood. I'm not actually related to Sothis like Rhea, Seteth, and Flayn are. So, I don't think my blood makes a difference. It's the Crest of Flames, the center of power that Sothis poured all her powers into, that is the source. I think… even if I wanted to, I couldn't share this with you and the kids. Which leaves us with three options." I snaked my hand out of Dimitri's grip and held up three fingers.

"Live and watch the rest of us grow old and eventually pass away," Dimitri listed first. "But you would also get to meet your grandchildren, and your great grandchildren, and the generations of our family as they continue. There are positive consequences of that choice as well as negative consequences."

"I know we've talked about it before… and the possibility that either of us could die in war before the other. How we need to continue living no matter what happens." I bit my lip and shook my head. "But I would rather not live without you and Alexi and Katrina, and the rest of our family, however it grows. I don't want to watch my family die without me."

Dimitri nodded. "I know how that feels, of course, and I understand the sentiment. So, what are the other options?"

I knew he wouldn't like one of the particular options I had left, so I would go with the least painful next. "If I can't be the one to give you blood and let you live with me, we could always ask Rhea or Seteth. I… think they would understand. Seteth would be less likely, but if he says no, that will require us to find Rhea. The question is, would you want to live that long? Thousands of years?"

I could see by the look on his face—first of surprise, then of uncertainty, then of understanding—what his answer would be. "If it means you will be happy, then of course I would. I think the kids need to make their own decision as they get older. But for you, yes, I would do anything."

"But you don't want to," I pointed out. "You would, but it's not what you want."

"Does it matter?" he asked.

"Of course it does. Which brings me to the third option… I sever my ties with Sothis and have the Crest of Flames removed. The Agarthans says they have a way of removing my crest without killing me, so—"

Dimitri leaned forward and kissed me, feverishly, passionately, desperately. My voice caught in the motion, and when he sat back down, all I could do was stare at him.

"Absolutely not."

I smiled. "Is that all?"

"You are everything to me. I will not let you hand yourself over to the Agarthans again."

"Then let me finish next time," I scolded, and his expression softened. "As I was saying, the Agarthans can remove a crest without death as a result—if they can do that, then I have a feeling a certain scholar might be able to figure it out, too. If Hanneman can remove my crest, not only would that solve my problem, but it would also stop the Agarthans from hunting me down."

"It would stop them from keeping you alive… they would still hunt you down, if only to kill you instead," Dimitri pointed out. "And you wouldn't have any of your powers to protect you anymore."

"But they would be angry, and anger makes people sloppy." Dimitri knew about that… he might have been more powerful than ever during his quest for vengeance, but he was also more reckless. "We remove the Crest of Flames, destroy it, and let them come. And when they do, with all the forces they have, we'll be prepared and will destroy them."

"What about our son? What about his crest?"

I haven't gifted him my powers, he simply bears the crest. He will age normally, Sothis told me. Then, more strictly, she continued. You know, I must admit, I am a little peeved that you haven't included me in any of these discussions. Do I not have a say?

I ignored her, mostly because I didn't know what to say, and continued to address Dimitri. "Sothis says that because she has not gifted him any powers, he should age normally. But there's something else… Adonis and Sybil were back alive, even after I killed them, because the Agarthans figured out a way to use a crest as a source of life. So, I had a thought… the Agarthans will continue to be after me if they think we haven't removed our son's crest, as well. We remove his, then. But there will always be the possibility, if our son wants it, to take that crest back. Have Hanneman preserve that one but let the Agarthans think it has been destroyed."

Dimitri crossed his arms and closed his eye. It was after a few seconds that he looked at me again. "I can tell that this is the option you want. Are you sure you would want to give all this up?"

My say is this, Byleth… whether you want to hear it or not. Sothis's voice was clearer than ever in my head. Whatever you want to do, I will respect. You are my friend. I have lived twice thanks to you. Do what is right for you and your family, and I will support you no matter what.

"Ultimately, I'm human," I said, both to Dimitri and Sothis. "I want to live the life of a human."

"Very well." Dimitri reached for my hand again, and I gave it over willingly. "Then we will call for Hanneman."


Author's Note: I have had this ready for a while, but I just had no time this week to get anything posted. My apologies. It was a very strange week, haha.

In any case, pre-orders for the My Beloved Zine are now open until February 29th. If you are interested, there are five different tiers, ranging from a PDF copy of the zine only to a mega-bundle with lots of goodies! Remember that all proceeds go to charity, so it's a good cause!

I don't think I can really post a link here, so if you are interested in purchasing the zine, I recommend searching for "My Beloved Zine" on Google (or any search engine), and you will see their Twitter and Tumblr, and a little further down is the store (hosted by Big Cartel).

I'm really excited about it, as there are so many amazing Dimileth artworks and stories in the zine. 10/10 would recommend!