A/N: I wanted to be able to post a 'Christmas Special' chapter, and managed to get enough time to write it! It's not particularly seasonal, but then not all of the actual Christmas Specials were so I figured it was okay. Also in keeping with the CS, it's a slightly longer chapter than usual.
Happy Christmas one and all (even if it is weird not to be looking forward to a DA ep on Christmas Night...)!
Chapter 9
March 1927
It seemed that planning for the future inevitably brought with it thoughts of the past.
He supposed he was preconditioned to spend the majority of his time within the latter, given that it was his nature to dwell. Even when he had resolved to move forward and make a fresh start, it refused to leave him – be it through his own choices or matters that were beyond his control. Some parts of it were favourable, others regrettable. There were aspects of the past that made him so overwhelmed with joy it felt almost alien to be revisited time and again with such euphoric happiness. There were fragments that caused him to weep at the most unexpected moments, sorrow and pain still raw within his bones as though he had lived it only yesterday.
Perhaps it had taken him longer than it should have reasonably done; perhaps there had been no other way. Some lessons took more uncovering to be learnt in their full extent. He had spent too long in the past trying to do the impossible: to change it. In his realisation – which was now too far away to be considered present – he found peace. At least, as much that could be added to the peace that had been in his possession since a time that could be pinned down to the date, the day, the minute and very second if he thought about it for long enough.
The future had too often been fleeting. With each hour that passed now, its horizon became wider. It was strange in many ways, but it was also completely wonderful.
It had been in the back of his mind for a while and since the turning of the year he became quietly convinced. The words of departure had not yet been uttered plainly, but John had little doubt that His Lordship was well aware of his intentions. He would declare himself within the next week, and already dreaded the look upon his employer's face, which he imagined would not be too much unlike Tia'a's expression when the young dog was refused a treat or scratch behind the ear.
He still imagined that it would take some time. After all, buying a property was only the beginning, and it had taken them goodness knows how long to agree a sale on his mother's house, the profits of which were yet to reach them in full. It was for the best to set the wheels in motion, however slow they might move. Half of him was as impatient as a child waiting for Christmas; they had been delayed in this matter far too long as it was.
He stretched in the chair, his back lengthening pleasantly, his hands steepled against his chin.
"Fifteen years," he found it impossible to refrain from taking on an air of reminiscence. Only a matter of inches away Anna sat, smiling up knowingly as she paused with the bundle of wool in her lap. "I hardly thought I would last fifteen minutes."
She tutted loudly, the sound almost echoing in their cosy sitting room.
"Silly beggar. You know that His Lordship would have you there for more than double that, if he was able."
John smirked as she pronounced those last few words deliberately, though it wasn't to her own knowledge. It couldn't be denied that he was eternally grateful to His Lordship for taking such a gamble on him, aware that few others would have done the same. He had enjoyed the work – not just because it was infinitely preferable to spending the rest of his life going from odd job to odd job, barely being able to say that he had a career.
Against all of his wildest expectations, he had been given more than he ever imagined in deciding that it was worth trying his fortune for a place at Downton Abbey. He had been blessed better than ever before. The love of his life had turned his life around, and he was not willing for anything else to take precedence above her and their child. Lord Grantham could beg and plead, promise a salary that would set them up beyond years, but he would not be budged.
Not a thing could stop him from ensuring that he made her dearest dream come true.
She picked up her needles again, and he found himself intrigued and charmed in equal measure by her sudden compulsion to knit as Winter turned into Spring, and a warm Spring at that.
"He'll miss you," she remarked with a casual kind of authority. She had been witness to the truth of that, in the periods when she had taken a small amount of solace from knowing she was not alone in her despair and hopelessness without him.
"Others won't," John replied, finding a little space within him to dwell once more.
Anna shook her head with a quiet fierceness. "It's like I've always said," she paused for a moment, mastering a tricky loop with her fingers working nimbly, "there's no accounting for taste."
He chuckled aloud, not wanting to consider all of the times she had defended him against the cuts and slurs of others but being so thankful and bursting with love for her that she did so, so unquestionably. The look on her face that appeared seconds after he had laughed made him warm from the tips of his toes and for a time that remained countless he mused upon her beauty, so pure and natural, showing from the very depth of her.
He watched her work and offered her tea, settling close by her when she told him that she was quite alright. But thank you, always replying with a smile.
She laid out the half-formed garment, transformed from mere strands of wool, out onto her lap. The future would have to tell them both what it would turn out to be, but whatever it was he was certain it would be very fine indeed.
"Think of all the good things you did. Of the difference you made. That's what I tried to do," she said, her voice edged with softness.
He smiled, reaching his hand to rub against her thumb. He did not have the same affection for the Abbey as Anna had, but there was no doubting that it had meant a great deal to him.
The moment passed as quickly as it had fallen, and he was glad to see her face brighten again.
"It hasn't always been easy, but think of all the good things," she echoed herself, her own hand falling upon his knee. "You hold them with you, and take them wherever you go."
He looked into her eyes, smiling rather stupidly – far more than was appropriate for such a contemplative evening. Before she could ask him what it was for, though he had an idea that she was already aware, he pressed his lips gently to her forehead, rejoicing when he felt her smile in return.
"I have the two best things with me, for always," his heart burst almost to say it, "and I couldn't ask for anything more."
He took her into his arms, filling up as she nestled against the crook of his neck. Not long afterwards they went upstairs, smiling with sudden sleepiness and joy that brimmed as they checked upon their sleeping son, the small and slightly jerky movements he made telling them that he was in the middle of a dream.
John himself dreamt that same night; of a fine and bright day at the beginnings of Summer, pride sending him soaring as he gazed upon his wife and son standing outside the door of a pretty little inn edged with flowers.
Pleased that he'd made it home with enough time to spare John set about changing, wondering vaguely whether it would actually do any favours for the proprietors to see him in his valet's garb. After a minute or two of deliberation he settled in his original thinking; this was about a new beginning, and it would only be right to reflect that in every aspect.
His Lordship had once again shown great kindness, granting him leave from the house once the last button had been fastened upon him before breakfast, with the promise that he could return for the dinner dressing. Much more than the standard half-day. It would give them more than enough time to get to Ripon, have a good look around the property and perhaps even enquire to what else was available in the area. No need to rush. They might even be able to stop in one of the tea-shops – William was well-behaved enough to take inside – and he smiled at the prospect, thinking what a treat it would be.
He threaded his tie with precision, tucking it beneath the brown waistcoat as he appraised himself in the mirror. He hadn't realised until now that he had picked out the suit he had got married in to wear that afternoon, but perhaps it would bring a stroke of luck.
William was ready to go, sitting in his pram and amusing himself with the rattle of his beloved tambourine.
"Sounding better than ever, Will." He smoothed the boy's darkening hair, dropping a kiss upon his head. "Now, where has Mummy got to?"
Knowing she was anticipated, Anna emerged from the sitting room, clutching her bag between worried fingers.
"All ready?" John asked, sensing that something wasn't quite right.
She smiled weakly in response, lowering her voice to no louder than a whisper. "I think it might be best if I take a trip to the doctors' first."
His heart began to pound within his chest no sooner than she had finished speaking.
"Is there something wrong? Is it William?"
"He's fine and dandy," she answered his frantic pleas without missing a beat. "And I'm quite sure there isn't anything wrong. I'd know if there was."
A hand went up to his collar, as though he thought loosening the knot of his tie would take away the tightness around his throat. He watched as she shuffled closer on her heels toward him, her eyeline still uncovered from the current lack of a hat.
"I've been feeling a little out-of-sorts for a couple of weeks, give or take." Without needing to fumble or seek for too long, her fingers closed over his hand. The clamminess of her skin quickly became apparent, but he only cared about the legitimacy of her touch.
"Why didn't you say anything?" he questioned, purely out of concern and too-aware of his fussing ways.
Sure enough, her reply was testament to his expected reaction. "I didn't want to worry you, not if there was any need." She paused for a moment, and if he hadn't been so consumed with anxiety he would have noticed her loop the handles of her bag over her wrist, and the way she flattened her palm against her stomach. "Or rather, I didn't want to get your hopes up."
It took a few seconds, and almost a need for him to pinch sharply against his skin.
The smile started to look easier upon her face now. "I think I've done quite enough of raising hopes for the both of us in the last week."
Oh, God. He felt the most glorious sense of déjà-vu, even though it wasn't quite as exact.
"You're saying..." He was holding her hand with both of his, reassured that this was real. From his pram William cooed happily, jangling the small silver bells as if in celebration.
Anna nodded, restraining the beam from transforming her expression completely. It was already too late for John.
"Almost certain," she said, a touch cautiously. His urge had turned towards wanting to sweep her skywards. "But a better opinion is called for, just before we get ahead of ourselves."
Suddenly, it made no difference if Ripon was five or five thousand miles away. God knows whatever was there could wait.
It had remained the most wonderful thing, each nerve and fibre in his body recalling how they had sprung to life when Anna had uttered those words in the relative privacy they had created for themselves.
Very, very happy.
Really.
John continued to cherish the words to this day, holding the product of their love in his arms and feeling the soft huffs of his breath fall against the side of his neck.
Hearing Doctor Clarkson pronounce the correct terminology, and sitting beside Anna while he did so, was significantly different but just as astounding. Perfect, and perfectly wonderful.
He remained at her side, shaking himself momentarily out of the indescribably happy daze that had overtaken his whole being.
"How far along is it, Doctor?" As William's sturdy weight rested against his chest, he slipped one hand down to settle upon Anna's knee.
"Oh, I'd say nine weeks, possibly ten."
John felt Anna tense beneath his fingertips as she looked towards Doctor Clarkson.
"That far along?" she queried, the first time she had showed any sign of panic all day.
Doctor Clarkson's expression stayed the same, which John took as a positive. "There's very little to fret about, I can assure you, Mrs Bates. I would suspect that your body may have adjusted slightly from the first procedure, which gives some insurance."
John heard Anna exhale a breath she was keeping tightly held.
"Still, it is best that we book you in now, to be on the safe side. It's Doctor Ryder in Harley Street, that's right?"
"Yes," Anna replied, as John nodded along too.
Collecting his notes, the doctor made to stand. "There is a hospital in Manchester that performs the same procedure. It would be less distance for you to travel, and I should also think..."
"Doctor Ryder is who we'd like to stay with," John interjected, his tone measured but containing enough authority to clarify the matter.
"Of course," Doctor Clarkson replied calmly, offering a small smile to them both. "I can get a message to his office now. And allow you some time for the news to sink in. Congratulations."
He could hardly hide his grin as the three of them were left alone in the appointment room. With a surge of joy that felt like it could be finally unleashed, he bounced their son in his embrace.
"Did you hear that, Will?" he near sung, "you're going to be a big brother. Do you like the sound of that?"
"Yay!" William cheered, clapping his hands in absence of the tambourine that lay in his pram.
"Yay, indeed," John beamed, nuzzling and shaking his head against William as he placed kisses against the soft skin, causing the boy to giggle first, swiftly followed by Anna to do the same in her response to the scene.
John held still for moments as he turned to face her, sitting serenely and appearing more breathtaking than ever. Maybe it was impossible, but with the knowledge they now possessed she seemed changed, wearing the same glow that he knew with hindsight was the something special about her when she carried their first child.
William grew a little restless in his father's arms – understandable, as they had had such an exciting day already – so John settled him back into the pram, tucking a blanket around his little body.
"Oh, my love," he breathed, almost kneeling in front of her – if his leg would have allowed it – clasping both of her hands. He substituted his next breath for a kiss upon her cheek, filling his lungs with her, feeling the promise of life dance upon his lips.
Pulling back, he gazed into her eyes.
"This is wonderful."
She nodded in agreement, her lips pursed and a faint shimmer in her eyes. "I'll feel better when it's been done. But now we know that it works..."
Again, she said it quietly, as if sheltering a candle's flame from a harsh rainstorm.
He smiled in reassurance, stroking his palm over her skin and watching her smile grow steadier as the seconds passed.
"And I feel better already knowing that it's definitely real. That I wasn't just dreaming, or hoping."
John nodded in understanding, kissing her knuckles one by one.
Anna smiled, shivering slightly at the caress of her husband's mouth upon her skin. "I suppose it also explains why I've started knitting again!"
He chortled heartily at her reasoning. "Yes, I suppose it does."
They shared a look and smile – one that held the world within it – before she tugged upon his sleeve lightly, telling him without words that he should stand up straight again, for the sake of his leg.
"We should get back home," John uttered, grasping the handle of the pram and wheeling it forth a little, being careful not to wake William who had begun napping.
"I haven't turned into an invalid within the space of half an hour," she exclaimed, teasing him lightly, which he gladly accepted. "We'll have enough time to catch the next bus into Ripon."
He couldn't say that he had forgotten about their plans for the day, but as their world had revolved so swiftly – in a way that he would not possibly ask to change - he found that his thoughts had done the same too.
"Don't you think we should delay?" he said the words without much consideration for the opposite notion. "I mean, this changes things – in the best possible way."
When Anna had left service they had once again revisited their dream of owning a little hotel, the idea seeming even more appealing now they had a child to dote upon. At that time they had both agreed that William was a little too young and still required most of their energies. But when he had turned one year old, and the spring had arrived, it would be the ideal period to begin their search in earnest.
Even though they may have secretly hoped, neither of them could have imagined another baby making itself known at that precise time.
"Doesn't this give us more reason to move?" Anna replied, countering him. "As much as I love the cottage, we don't have a lot of room as it is. William can share with the little one for a while, but it would be nice for him to have his own space, too."
He was unable to stop himself from grinning like an almighty fool. That she felt so assured to talk about the new baby, whom they hadn't known about definitely for very long at all, showed just how far she had come and made him ever so proud.
She fiddled with the clasp upon her bag with one hand, while the other already rested protectively over her middle. "If it's about money, then we're not doing too badly. We'll have the rest of the money from your mother's house soon enough, and I still have a fair bit put by. The baby can have some of William's things, there's enough that would suit a girl as well as a boy."
His wife, ever practical and always seeing the possibilities.
"And perhaps I could go to Manchester," she added, her voice lowering a touch. "Doctor Clarkson seemed to be implying that it would be cheaper, and I suppose it would be."
John shook his head vigorously. "I won't hear of that. I want the best for you." He stopped a moment, fighting to keep his composure. "For the both of you."
She tilted her head, smiling softly towards him. He half expected another 'silly beggar' from her to lighten the mood, but one never came.
"It's not about the money," he continued, assuring her by moving back closer to where she sat. "Of course, I want us to be comfortable and secure. And if that means spending what's stored away on saving our dream hotel from rack and ruin, then I wouldn't hesitate."
Anna giggled. "I hope it wouldn't be a total wreck!" She reached her hand out to him, bringing him nearer still. "But as long as we're all together, I wouldn't care. I'd live in a tin shack with the rain coming through the roof, and I'd be happy to have you and our family."
A family. It was all he had ever wanted too, and he was the luckiest man to know that it would be growing again.
"You deserve a palace, my darling. And the children acres to run about and play in to their heart's content." He raised his eyebrows, a thought that hadn't come completely out of the blue catching him. "We should put a little bit aside, in case we need to make any future trips to London."
"John," she exclaimed, half in shock and half in delight, "let's not count our chickens before they hatch."
He chuckled loud. "Is that what we're calling them now?"
She laughed with him, her face brightening yet more as he cupped her stomach gently with his palm.
"I'm not saying we have to delay for too long, and we can still look. Just that it's a lot of effort on its own to get a business up and running, without the addition of a baby."
She nodded in agreement, and John felt a certain relief flood through him. They were so often of the same mind – and if anything, it was her persuading him to see the right side of things much more than it was the other way round. If she still wanted to plough ahead with the process, standing firm as she continued to grow once more with the wonder of another life, then he couldn't have imagined he would have too many arguments.
"You're right," she replied, even though he had no desire to hear the words. "I want to enjoy every moment I can with this one." Her hand sat on top of his, both imagining in a few months the bump that would appear once more. "And I won't be able to do that if I'm running ragged."
His lips quirked perceptibly; he didn't want to be so overbearing this time around, but he would always cherish his wife no matter what condition she was in.
"Time is precious," he uttered, knowing the truth of what he said and knowing that she did too, more than anyone. "I'll ask His Lordship if I can lessen my duties in the next few months, he doesn't require as much as he once did. And of course, I won't tell him the reason why, unless you want me to."
She shook her head softly. "You can tell him, if you like. Just once things are all running smoothly. I'm sure everyone would be happy for us."
They would be; the Crawleys had always been so generous of spirit. But so long as Anna and William – and the new little one – were content, it was all he minded about.
"I don't want to miss out on anything, if I can possibly avoid it." He bent his head, angling his voice towards Anna's stomach. "Did you hear that, Baby Bates number two? You'll be sick of your old dad's fussing before you're even out in the world."
Anna chuckled, linking her fingers with his upon her tummy. "I doubt that very much."
To think, at the start of this day he hadn't thought he could be any happier, planning for the future that seemed as bright as it could possibly be. Time and time in the past he had been proved wrong, and he was more than happy to be once again - and once again it was Anna who had defied all his beliefs.
"Well, Mrs Bates, if you're up to it then I think we should go into Ripon after all." He smiled at the curious look she fixed him with, giving it cause to quickly fade away. "We'll need to have a cup of their finest tea and a cream cake or two to celebrate."
Anna answered him with a smile, rubbing against her stomach in contentment at the plan.
"We better had make a move," she agreed, getting to her feet and wheeling the pram back and forth in a gentle rhythm, lulling their sleeping child within. "Poor Doctor Clarkson has a waiting room full."
He coloured lightly, having forgotten where they still found themselves. Soon enough the matter occurred to him less, and he was once again caught in the wonder of his wife's surprised smile and delighted laugh as he tugged her tenderly towards him, keeping one of his hands upon the handle of William's pram.
"Let them wait a couple of minutes longer," he said, as he kissed her soundly, thrilling to feel the beaming smile upon her lips.
Their future was indeed that bit brighter.
A/N: I have to admit, I don't really know much about the cerclage procedure and it's probably very unlikely that there would be even the slightest change after the first time, but I wanted to give them a little bit of reassurance. And hey, it's my headcanon after all :P
