Chapter 05.

"Kazuma? Kazuma? Hey, Kazuma?"

Darkness, wearing her pink nightgown dress, shook her hand in front of the pondering teen. Kazuma didn't blink as Darkness's hand (and her large breasts) waved in front of him. Megumin, in her giant red T-shirt with crimson demon markings, while holding Chomusuke shook her head.

"You won't get any response from him. I tried."

"Hey, Megumin, isn't Kazuma acting strange today?"

"Yes, you're right. You waved your boobs in front of him for five minutes and he didn't even drool. Is he sick?"

Finally noticing Darkness's flustered remarks and Megumin's blend attitude, Kazuma raised his head from the couch cushion and looked at the bickering duo with bored eyes.

"...Hey, do you two know anything about Magic Items?"

"Although I do know something about some items, I can't say that I have."

"Me neither."

"Is that so...?"

Kazuma hung his head. He hoped those two would help him in this situation; Darkness's home had several expensive magic items and Megumin was an arch wizard, and her father was a magic item maker (albeit a useless one). He was running out of options. He had to do something. It was lucky that Vanir was away for a business trip. If he wasn't, Wiz (and possibly he) would've gotten a full blast of his murder ray. He felt like pulling out his hair. His only option and adviser left was...


"Hey! I'm home! I brought leftover Karaage!"

A delicious waft of fresh fried chicken invaded the room. Megumin's mouth watered and Darkness's hard face softened at the delicious aroma. Kazuma, who would've run straight toward the food, didn't move an inch off the couch. He simply looked toward the goddess, smiling as if she did not worry about the world.

"...Heh."

"Hey, why are you laughing at my face? That's a punishable offense in the Axel church."

"Neh, I'm envious of you. You must have no worries what so ever."

"That's rude. I do have worries too you know."

He scoffed it off, not taking her opinion too seriously. He laughed himself off for saying something like that to her in the first place. If she only had directed her overconfidence differently, she would be a perfect gyaru or bimbo.

"I'm talking about something else from debts."

Aqua held her chin and tried to think hard; she must have at least one worry that haunted her. She knew she had... Urgh. It did hurt to think. But she wanted to get back at Kazuma on this one. But she only found nothing but vague worries of debts, booze, and... more debts.

"...I do have worries. I do!"

Kazuma didn't seem surprised and made a bored face that he made whenever their fight got into a stalemate. He knew there was no more real fights left, just random words and slapsticks.

"Why did you hesitate there?"

"...I don't know. But I do have worries! ...Ah, right! I got attacked by a wandering spirit today."

That got his attention. He raised his head off the back of the couch and looked at her with very little interest.

"Ah, right. You're a spirit&undead magnet. So, how many was it?"

Getting attention from curious Megumin and excited Darkness, Aqua relished the attention and started exaggeratedly. Hearing her first tone, Kazuma instantly turned his back again, but she didn't notice as she rolled on.

"Well, it started as one when I left the shop, then it a second, then third, honestly? I lost count."

Megumin imagined an entire horde of ghosts chasing her, and then remembered when she had to sleep in a graveyard once when her father had to sell their house... She recalled those terrifying nights and lightning bouncing off cracked gravestones...

"That's... hard."

In contrast to the grim-faced Megumin, Darkness herself ravished those few lines. Quickly over spicing Aqua's story with her sexual frustrations... She huffed and panted as she rubbed her legs together in- over imagination.

"What happened then? D, did a powerful spirit took over your body? And you watched helplessly as your hands moved on your own and, and grope here and pinch there until you, you broke and submitted to pure pleasure?"

"No way. I got rid of them in one punch."

Aqua cut off her wild assumptions with a cold, definitive remark. And once again, made a mental note to put her in the bottom for her Axis devotee recruitment list.

Kazuma waited for the excitement and tension to die down. And then turned his head back and asked Aqua the question he wanted to ask for so long. She better have better answers since she wasted his pondering time.

"Hey, Aqua, do you know anything about magic items?"

"No. Why should I?"

The answer was somewhat expected but still disappointing. Not hiding his frustration with the useless goddess, he huffed and clutched the back of his neck, rubbing it to soothe his temper.

"And you call yourself a goddess?"

Not liking his response, she also puffed out in annoyance. She tried to put on her most holy face.

"That's because I'm a goddess. I'm an embodiment of mana and holy power. Why should I know something about those?"

"...Well, that's that then."


Kazuma turned his back on her and resumed slouching on the couch. Infuriated in his ignoring attitude, Aqua stamped her foot. She shoved her bag of still hot Karaage to Megumin, which made Chomusuke yowl and jump down in surprise, turned. Then went back out of the room. She was angry. Kazuma, who usually took care of these situations was clearly... busy. Darkness took it upon herself to ask this important question to her.

"Where are you going?"

A huffy reply came back beyond the door. They all heard the main doors open before the angry goddess yelled out in clear annoyance;

"I'm going to beat up some more spirits! I'll be back when I'm done."


Darkness looked at the closed door. She didn't like the idea Aqua using spirits as a punching bag. She believed stray spirits should be treated without personal means. Well, that was what Eris church believed. But as for Axis beliefs... She waved the trivial thoughts aside.

"I'm going to eat some Karaage and go to bed. Goodnight."

Megumin left the chat first, back to drooling over the fried treat. She looked eager to dig in. Understanding her desire, they both waved her off. Kazuma reacted late, realizing that he was hungry, he yelled after her petite back.

"Hey, leave some for me. I'll be needing those later."

Megumin's muffled 'okay' could be heard in the kitchen. ...But he didn't trust Megumin's hunger over her voice of reason. He better go into the kitchen. But if he left the couch now, he would lose his train of thought, after he had come so far... or did he?

"Kazuma, is something wrong? You look... more serious than usual."

Darkness looked worried; Kazuma rarely was this serious. And him ignoring good 'free' food? That was never heard of since she had known him.

Kazuma looked at her in the face. While he was in a calm and wise faze, he got a closer look at his crusader. While she was mostly wild and masochistic, she was usually the one with calm reason inside the group. If she was in this state, he could ask his problems with a bit of hope.

"Well, it's something about Wiz. I said that I would help her in her shop."

He was let down when Darkness shook her head with a sorry smile.

"I can't say anything about that. I can't help you with something I don't know about."

"Yeah. You can't do anything when you don't know anything..."

He stopped right then as he saw a flash at the end of the tunnel. His train of thought let out a whistle signaling their arrival at the station; You can't do anything when you don't know about it...

"Kazuma? Kazuma? Hey, Kazuma!"

Kazuma jumped out of the couch. And ran after Megumin into the kitchen.

"That's it! I think I have it! Thanks, Darkness! Hey, Megumin, make room! I'm going to eat- hey, don't push it all into your mouth!"

A/N 2019, Project Augustus. In courtesy of Sammo909.