Hey everyone! I did use a lot of word-for-word lines from Jesse during this chapter that I read in the comic, but they're some of my favourites, so I really wanted to incorporate them. There's a hole in my heart now that the show is done, but my mind is full of ideas for this fic, which kind of fills that hole in my heart just a little now that the show is over. :(

Please leave a review and let me know what you think.

This may be my longest chapter ever. So much talking, but I feel like it's long overdue and necessary. Back to the action and story progress after this though! Cheers.


THE NEXT MORNING

"Jesus, Lily, you look like absolute shit." Tulip stated from the bed on the other side of the room.

Lily stood in the doorway of the bedroom Tulip and Jesse had slept in, her arms crossed and her breath held tight. She had been extremely nervous when she'd woken up to see Tulip for the first time since she'd been shot dead and come back to life, but somehow, the first remark Tulip had made reassured her not to be too worried after all.

As she stepped further into the bedroom, Lily let out a mix of a scoff and a laugh as she shook her head at Tulip, "Fuck." She said simply, which made Tulip laugh. Cassidy followed behind and stood against the wardrobe in the room Jesse and Tulip had stayed in. He watched as Lily sat on the bed Tulip rested in. Tulip was sitting up, her back against the bed frame as she sipped on some coffee Jesse had made.

"Want some coffee?" Jesse asked, sitting on the other side of the bed, at Tulip's other side.

"Sure." Cassidy said. Lily turned towards her brother, "Yea." She agreed. Jesse pressed his lips into a smile and nodded, winking at Tulip once before he walked out of the bedroom.

When Lily sat on the bed at Tulip's side and turned to face her, Tulip leaned towards Lily and placed a couple fingers under her eye, better blending the concealer that was on her face, "Thanks." Lily said softly, thankful for the warm touch of her skin against hers. Tulip was quick to bring Lily in for a hug, and Lily was relieved to have the smell that she always remembered Tulip to naturally have flood her senses.

"How are you?" Lily asked with her face over Tulip's shoulder, still in a tight hug. Tulip slowly pulled away, staying close to Lily as they let go of there hug. With a slight shrug, Tulip pursed her lips a bit, "Fine." She said, tilting her head, "Definitely better than you look."

"Hmph." Lily laughed halfheartedly. There was no doubt in that. Tulip was energetic and bright eyed. Lily's eyes made it feel like her face had been beaten in they were so swollen from all the crying.

When Jesse came back into the room, Lily turned to the door, just to be sure it was just him. She watched her brother walk up to Cassidy and hand him a cup of coffee before walking up Lily and Tulip, standing in front of them as he handed Lily a mug.

"Thanks." She said, eagerly taking a big gulp of the hot coffee before looking back up to her brother, "Is anyone down there?" Lily asked nervously, nearly whispering she was so quiet. Cassidy caught Tulip's brow crinkle as she noted how on edge Lily was acting, as she continued studying Lily close to her. Cassidy wondered if Jesse had filled her in on anything that had happened while Tulip was dead.

Jesse shook his head, "Gran'ma's not up yet, her room's downstairs, but Jody and TC live out in another house just on the other side of the yard."

Cassidy stood leaning against a dresser with his coffee resting on the top of it, watching the three of them interact while pouring some whiskey into his mug.

Lily's eyes studied her brothers as she hummed thoughtfully. Finally, she turned back to Tulip taking a deep breath, "So you're feeling alright?" She asked.

Tulip's voice was strong and almost too loud for Lily's ears, "Yea, Lil, I'm fine." She smiled widely at her while shaking her head. Cassidy and Jesse watched the girls exchange back and forth and it was a disturbing contrast between the two. Tulip was glowing, full of life and energy, while Lily hardly seemed like she was awake. There were dark circles under her bloodshot, dark eyes and her skin was pale.

Tulip noticed how out of the normal Lily seemed, there was a streak in her eyes that Tulip found concerning. Soon, Tulip's smile faded and she began to realize lots of more had to have happened for Lily to be in the mental state that she was. It started off as a playful joke, but Tulip was beginning to realize how out of sorts Lily was.

"What?" Tulip asked, her voice softer.

Lily shook her head, "I have about a million questions for you." She said quietly, "But I can't even think of one to start."

Tulip placed her cup of coffee down and reached her hands out to Lily's. This time, Tulip wasn't trying to give a jokingly hard time, she really meant it, "Damn it, Lil, what in the Hell happened to you?" She asked, shaking her head. As she stared into Tulip's bright eyes, Lily felt so relieved. She was still the Tulip she knew and loved, there was no question in that. Lily's heart was racing as she began to think of everything she wanted to explain to Tulip, she felt herself get a bit overwhelmed. Instead, she shook her head, pulling at her hands that were inside Tulip's and wrapped her arms around her into a hug again, "Don't worry about it." Lily said, squeezing her, "Just happy you're back."

"Me too, Lil." Tulip squeezed her back harder.

The girls had almost forgotten about Jesse and Cassidy standing at their side, and it felt like they hugged for hours until they finally released again.

Lily let out a choppy sigh, grabbing her cup of coffee again and downing the rest of it, "I need about a thousand more cups of this for it to do anything for me right now." She groaned, placing the cup back down on the bedside table next to Tulip and turned her head, glancing around the room, "Is there a bathroom in here?"

"Yea." Jesse said, pointing to behind her at a door, "There."

Lily got up and went to the washroom. When she came out, Cassidy had taken the spot Lily was just sitting at Tulip's side and the two of them were talking as usual, their playful banter going back and forth was a blissful sight. Lily's eye caught something in the corner of her vision. It was Jesse, walking in from the door, thankfully with more coffee in his possession. With a sigh of relief, Lily held her hands out as Jesse approached her with a fresh cup.

"Thanks, Jess." Lily whispered, bringing it to her lips right away as she glanced where Tulip laid back and Cassidy was at her side. His eyes moved from Tulips a moment to look at Lily's briefly, before his attention moved back to Tulip. There was a smile spread across Cassidy's face that made Lily so comforted - things finally felt somewhat normal. Lily's glance moved to Tulip, who mirrored a grin as big as Cassidy's and Lily felt her heart flutter with happiness.

"Lil," Jesse said softly, leaning close to Lily's side, "Sorry it got pushed to the side for so long, but I'm ready for that talk with just the two of us you wanted." He said softly.

Lily remembered the big blow up that had happened just before Tulip was shot. She'd reached out to her brother, texting him and asking him if they could talk just the two of them. That was before everything turned even more incredibly sideways, so she could only imagine how much they had to talk about now.

"Guess a drive isn't an option." Lily grumbled.

Jesse pressed his lips into a straight line, shaking his head.

"Alright." Lily sighed, "Outside, at least. I could use some fresh air."

Jesse nodded, walking towards the bed, "Lil and I will be right back, alright?"

"Alright." Tulip said, hardly looking away from Cassidy who was mid-story. Cassidy, however, stopped talking, his attention completely moving to the Custers, "Where are y'goin'?" He asked.

"Just for a little walk outside." Jesse said.

Lily could tell Cassidy had something to say but caught him practically biting his own tongue as he rested in his spot again, his eyes piercing into Lily's.

"Won't be long." Jesse assured, noticing how uneasy Cassidy was. "Alright." Tulip sang, "See you guys in a bit. I'm not goin' anywhere." She joked with a smile. Jesse watched Cassidy swallow what seemed to be the words in his throat as his eyes softened and his shoulders dropped slightly. Jesse moved towards the door, "Go ahead." He said, opening the door for his sister as he closed it behind them. Lily made her way downstairs to the front entrance of the house, a little nervous at the thought of who or what she might run into. Lucky for them, it was empty - or so it seemed, anyway.

Lily turned out the front door and decided to turn, following a path to the back area of the property, her eyes studied the area. She'd been so consumed by her surroundings, she'd hardly realized how far she'd taken them. When she turned to look in the direction they walked from, they could hardly see the house. Finally, she saw a large rock with a perfectly flat top and decided to sit facing the back of the large house they'd come from.

During their walk, Jesse thought about how he'd begin, not that he hadn't thought about it for the days leading up to this moment. He sat down on the flat rock and Lily followed suit, sitting at his side. The sun was rising but there was still an eerie darkness that surrounded them. There was a warm breeze, causing the leaves in the trees surrounding the area to rustle all around them.

"I guess I'll start off by saying what's most important which is that I'm sorry." Jesse said, "I let a lot of things get to me that I shouldn't've and I can see how much I've royally fucked up now that it's all in hind sight." Lily felt her stomach flutter a bit in nervousness as Jesse continued, "I haven't been a good partner to Tulip. I gotta make that up to her, and I'll make sure she knows that, and I want to make sure you know that I'm going to make everything up to you, too."

Lily nodded, her throat tight, "When you left like that back in New Orleans-" She shook her head, the lump in her throat getting harder to choke down, "It reminded me of the last time we ended things like that, and we didn't talk for years after that happened."

In an instant, Jesse's eyes were piercing into hers as serious as ever, "That will never happen again." Jesse stated, "That..." He stopped on his words, remembering how broken he was after Dallas. He remembered Tulip having the sudden miscarriage, and their relationship having ruptured the way it had. He hadn't dealt with the situation correctly, and in return he'd took a lot of his internal feelings out on both Tulip and his sister. "Things are much different than they were then. That was one of the lowest moments of my life. Eventually, I was determined to change myself. But I took it all the wrong way. I know that now, and I'm sorry. I was weak. Too weak to be there for you, but I'll never be that weak again, you understand?"

Lily took a deep breath, "I was just as stubborn as you were. I turned by back on you and the entire situation just as much. I should've been there for you and Tulip but I was too wrapped up in my own ego and life. I was selfish." She admitted shamefully.

He shook his head, dismissing her justifying her own behavior, "I was pathetic. If anything, being back here is bringing back all the shit deep inside me and is giving me the perspective I needed to find that better man I wanted to be. I promise I won't ever turn my back on you like that again, Lily." He promised, staring deep into her eyes.

Lily blinked slowly, her eyes burning as if she was going to cry again, "Me either, Jesse." She agreed. A sudden chill went through her, and she felt her hair standing on the back of her neck.

"What?" Jesse asked.

Looking behind her and seeing nothing but the thick forest, she shook her head, "Nothing."

He studied her for a moment before he took a breath. With a nod, Jesse dropped his shoulders, "I can see now what the Grail's true agenda was with me and I'm sorry I didn't listen to you guys sooner." He was clearly frustrated in himself, as he shook his head "Shit." He spat, "Things got very fucked up for me for a while there. If I wasn't so wrapped up in all of that-" He remembered the Grail's idea of having Jesse represent as the replacement Messiah. He held his breath for a moment, shaking his head and cursing himself, "Then Tulip wouldn't have gotten shot by those fuckers." Lily watched as Jesse fumed with all of the anger he had for himself. It was all such a crazy blur. "They have my soul." He sighed, "The piece that was with the Saint. The Grail has it. Fuckers." Jesse spat.

"You think that's why Gensis isn't working?" Lily asked. Jesse was already nodding, "Yea, that could very well be it." He huffed, "Won't know for sure until I get it back."

There was silence for a moment, other than the breeze that brushed through the trees all around them, the leaves were fluttering in the wind and the buzz of bugs that surrounded them was slowly getting louder as the sun went further up into the sky.

"Our mother's buried here." Jesse stated suddenly, turning himself a bit inwards towards Lily, "Behind us. There's a little cemetery. She's there."

Lily felt her throat close and there was several seconds of silence.

"No shit." Lily finally choked out.

"Was shocked at first to see you lead us back here." Jesse was sparking a cigarette, "But then again, I guess I wasn't..." He stated, his words a bit muffled with the smoke in his mouth. Lily wasn't sure what that meant exactly, maybe he was referring her good intuition for things, but another topic popped in her mind and now was the time to finally tell Jesse, "I saw our mother." She admitted.

With his brows raised, Jesse looked to his sister again, as he pulled the cigarette from his mouth, "You did?"

Lily nodded, "I saw her once when we first came into the house. Standing at the top of the stairs.. I'm pretty sure it was her. And another time I'm positive I saw her. Came face to face with her. Just before you got back yesterday, before Cassidy finally pulled me out of it. I had a feeling telling you about it in that room with our grandmother wasn't the best idea."

Exhaling a trail of smoke, Jesse nodded, "You were right. Don't ever talk about anything like that around her. Hell, don't talk to her at all if you don't have to." As he stared into Lily's eyes. He could tell she was dying for answers. Nodding again, Jesse lifted the cigarette back up to his mouth, "I see dad in my dreams sometimes... but I've seen mom only a couple that I can remember."

Lily stayed quiet, hoping he'd finally elaborate on the topic of their parents. Finally he did, moving the smoke from his mouth and staring at the trees around them, "Our parents were good people." He exhaled again. Lily swallowed, and it felt like word vomit suddenly came out of her mouth at the rare opportunity to discuss the subject of their parents, "Then why don't you ever talk about them?" Lily meant for her question to just be a fair enough of one, but it came out a bit harsh, which wasn't intended. "I-" She stuttered for a second, "Just mean why haven't you ever talked about them to me." She said with her tone noticeably softer.

Jesse sat straighter, the cigarette between his fingers burning away, "Because everything around them wasn't good." He shook his head, flicking the ash off his smoke, "They died because of what they did to try and be together - to bring us into this world and I didn't want you to live with the burden and guilt I did." Lily wasn't sure if she ever saw her brothers eyes look so raw as he talked, "Our mother did everything she could to be with our father. She met him while she was on the run. From here." He smiled, which made Lily's heart skip a bit, "From what I remember being told, there was a bit of a misunderstanding when they first met."

"Yea?" Lily asked curiously, her throat still tight.

Jesse nodded, "Dad was just comin' back from war. He was taking a bus when he met our mother. Slapped him across the face and called him a babykiller."

Lily's brow crinkled in confusion and Jesse continued, leaning into her a bit more and shifting his position, a smirk on his face, "Mom was hitching around with these hippy dippy shit group, they were obviously anti-anything, causing a fucking fuss outta anything to get a raise going.. and I guess she was just doing her part to fit into the people she'd blended with during her run away from here." He explained, "And soon enough, she was apologizing to our dad, who, of course, being the man he was, gave her the reassurance our mom needed that he understood she hadn't meant to be the way she had and he could see that she was struggling."

"They fell mad in love, Lily. Like nothing else." He continued, with a smirk still across his lips and Lily hadn't noticed she'd been smiling too, "Guess they were making up for lost time." He paused a moment, "Cue me coming into the picture. About a year and a half of them being together. We lived Laredo for a while. I remember lots during that time. I try to remember that time more than others." Jesse's smirk faded slowly, and Lily felt her heart sink, "We were so happy." The way he'd said that made Lily wonder. For several seconds, Jesse's eyes wandered as if he was remembering it all.

His smile came back quick enough as he finally looked at her, "Then you came." She stayed quiet and listened intently to her brother, "Things just got better. We would go to movies, and you'd be the quietest, best behaved baby anybody'd ever seen." He stated proudly, "When we'd get home, Dad and I would recite the whole damn movie we just saw and you'd watch with such attention, like you actually enjoyed us jumping around the house and me acting like I was John Wayne." He laughed softly.

Lily wished so badly she could feel the same way Jesse was now, but truth was, she didn't remember anything. How could she have? She was just a baby. It made her happy to see him remembering those moments.

Jesse's smile faded, "But eventually Jody and TC were able to track mom down." Lily's heart sank as he continued the story, "You were home with Dad, but mom went out to the shops and I went with her. Jody and TC busted down the front door of the market we were in, brought us back here."

His eyes were thoughtful as they squinted a bit while he tried to gather his memories he'd tried so hard to suppress, "You and I were separated for quite a while. It took a while of mom and I being here, and I was real young so I don't remember all that much, but what I do remember..." He paused a moment, "I remember mom being so scared here. She was trying to find a way to get at least me out of Angelville. For days, I remember her telling me the plan over and over. Daddy would be waitin' just down the road. And that when I got to him, and back to you, I had to do everything I could to stay away from this place, and to protect you until she met us. And we could live and be happy again."

Jesse's eyes moved down to the ground, and his voice was lower, making Lily more anxious, "I ran out one night. She'd gotten me ready for it and she'd told me over and over exactly what to do." He was holding his breath, "When I got to dad, they were a step ahead of our mother's plan. Before I could get away with him, Jody had us. He threw dad to the ground in front of me and told him to say what he had to. Dad told me all he could in that moment, but the thing I remember most is him telling me that I had be one of the good boys, cause there's too many of the bad."

With her heart in her throat, Lily listened to her brother as he explained what had happened. His eyes were red, "Then Jody shot him dead. And dragged me back here."

Lily stayed still for a while, absorbing everything that was just learned, "How old were you?" She finally asked.

"Around 8" He stated.

"And where was I?"

"Dad left you behind in safe keeping during his attempt. You were back in Annville. With Mike, actually..."

Lily remembered meeting Mike several weeks ago. He was an old family friend, she knew that, but she had no idea how entwined with her family history he really was. He'd had a box of pictures, memories and more that Jesse had told him to put away. But when Jesse had gone to the washroom, Mike brought it out, eager to show Lily more. There was a picture of her mother, Tulip and Cassidy had seen it too, and when they'd got back to New Orleans, Cassidy had taken that picture of her mother and given it to Lily. She wondered where that picture ended up between the events leading up to now.

"You couldn't've be more than a two or three years old." Jesse continued, "When our dad didn't make it back, Mike expected the worst." Jesse took a puff of the smoke in his hand, "I was stuck here. With mom." He blinked, thinking some more, "I remember mom going from scared and fighting with her every being for our survival to completely destroyed after dad was killed. She cried all the time. She told me to never speak a word about you, in fear they might go after you next."

Lily nodded, trying to digest it all.

"When I talked to Mike about it later in life," Jesse explained, "He said he was at a loss during that time. When dad didn't come back, he had you, a baby, in his care that he didn't ask for. He didn't know what else to do other than hand you over to the police and report dad's missing case."

"What happened to her?" Lily asked, "To.. mom?" The word sounded so foreign to Lily coming out of her mouth.

"About a year later, a friend I made here, Billy-Bob.." Jesse's lips were straightening and it made Lily nervous. She knew it wasn't a happy-ending story, but it didn't make it any easier. "Him and I had this dog we grew to like havin' around. One day Jody got annoyed and nailed this dog to a fence post and killed it."

Lily's brow narrowed in disgust as Jesse continued, "I lost it. Mom was trying to put up a fight when gran'ma came out and started reaming me out but we got pulled opposite directions. I ended up in this..." He paused, trying to find the right words, "Fucked up form of manner-correction gran'ma and the monsters here came up with. Called it 'the Coffin'. Stuck me in a coffin and threw me to the bottom of the swamp over there." Jesse raised his chin slightly, and Lily followed his gesture to the large body of water on the other side of the property.

"There was a tube inside that let me breathe - hardly. Soon the whole thing reeked of my puke, shit and piss. I tried taking myself somewhere else during my times in there." Jesse groaned.

"Times? It happened more than once?" Lily said in pure shock.

Jesse's eyes squinted as he moved his head side to side slowly, "This time... I was in there for about a week, I'd say."

Lily's jaw dropped, she was completely speechless, "How-" She shook her head, with her mouth open and unable to find the right question first, "How old were you at this point?"

"I was maybe nine my first time." Jesse stated, "When mom was fighting gran'ma from having me go in that coffin... I remember, before I was thrown in there..." When Jesse paused, Lily felt her stomach twist. His eyes proved he was reliving that moment and she could tell how difficult it was for him to talk about it. When he finally spoke again, his voice was low and his words were slow and carefully thought, "As young as I was... I still noticed it in gran'ma's eyes... Whatever it takes to kill your own kid... To cold-bloodely decide, the girl's no use any more... all we need's her boy and she sure as Hell ain't worth this... gran'ma had it." Jesse hissed lowly.

Lily felt her body tense.

"When they pulled me out of the mess I made in there nearly a week later, mom was gone." Jesse stated. Feeling her blood run cold, Lily stayed quiet, and thankfully, Jesse continued, "The first time I snuck out of school and traveled to Annville to go find you I was about 10. Dad was gone. Mom was gone. My only friend I made, Billy-Bob was killed by Jody and TC. Everything around me in this place was dead. I was so lonely. I thought about you a lot during those times. But I was afraid. Afraid that if they ever caught me seeing you, that you'd end up here too, and you'd die just like everyone else around me did."

He looked at her, "But I still couldn't stop thinking about you. Finally I couldn't stand it any more and I started making it out as much as I could to see you."

Lily nodded thoughtfully, her lips trembling as she struggled to hold back the tears, that quickly began rolling down her cheeks. Her brothers words were really getting to her, as well there was the fact she was trying to consume all the information he'd had finally given her. Suddenly, she realized why he kept so much from her. Her voice wavered as she spoke quietly, "It's no wonder you never told me anything, Jess." She said, "Jesus fucking Christ."

It was terrifying to imagine that their own grandmother was behind the reasoning they'd lost everything they ever had. Marie L'Angelle killed Jesse and Lily's parents... she killed her own child. Lily felt sick to her stomach with both sadness and fury.

Jesse could see the emotions brewing inside of his sister. Now that the facts were laid out, he tried changing the direction of discussion, "What do you remember growing up?" Jesse asked.

He'd never asked her a question like that before. Their upbringing wasn't something they went on about, causing her to forget a lot of things.

"Uh," She sat up, wiping her runny nose with her arm with her eyes looking upwards as if it was hard to recollect, which it was, "I remember... moving between foster homes when I was young. I remember missing you, too... and wishing you'd come back." She swallowed the lump in her throat and looked at Jesse as she exhaled, "I remember kids making fun of me cause I had no parents, and as I got older, I remember them making fun of me because I had a 'made up' brother." She lowered her eyes, rolling them slightly as she leaned into him, "They never believed you were real."

Jesse's heart was aching, "You know why, right? Cause I never let anyone see me. I'd have to sneak out of Angelville to come visit you so often, and I didn't want anyone seeing me in Annville. Every visit broke my heart more. You were bigger and bigger each time I felt like I was missing out on everything in your life."

"What else?" Jesse asked thoughtfully, "What else do you remember?"

He was relieved when he saw her smile. She let out a soft chuckle as more tears streamed down, "Tulip." She sang. Jesse was thankful to see the grin spread across Lily's mouth as she wiped the tears off her face. Lily nodded for a moment, before turning and staring with her burning, teary eyes into her brothers, "I remember a lot more after Tulip became part of my life." Lily figured that was because there was a lot more good to remember once Tulip entered her life.

"Tulip was the only one who believed me that you existed." Lily laughed, her nose stuffy from crying as she sniffled.

"That's cause I started sneakin' out to see her too." Jesse smiled, facing forward as he zoned out to the grass in front of them, "Tulip O'Hare." There was a few seconds before Jesse took a sharp breath, his eyes moving back to his sister at his side as he leaned into her, "She was the only one that ever caught me sneaking to see you. Clever as Hell since the beginning." He shook his head, staring forward again as his mind wandered, "Loved her since we were kids."

"I know." Lily said, remembering the all of them when they were younger together.

There were a few seconds of quiet as each of their thoughts kept them busy. Lily's brow crinkled, "I always thought you went to a private school far away and that's why you were only around sometimes." With a deep exhale, Jesse adjusted his position on the large boulder they sat on, "Yea, well, now you know. I wasn't in private school. I was here. Living through Hell."

He took a deep breath, "I finally got out of here, and that's when I grabbed you, when you were just about done high school and made sure we got the Hell out of dodge."

For the most part, Lily remembered the most of her life during those years. Jesse showed up one day and suddenly, Tulip and Jesse were telling Lily it was time for bigger, better things. Those times were the best. Lily finally had a permanent home with the two of them, even if that meant moving every few months. It wasn't the places they were, it was the fact that they were together. Tulip and Jesse pretty well raised Lily during her teenage and young adult life. She owed everything she was to them. There was so much that happened during those times, but Lily couldn't remember any bad memories. Lily nodded, realizing just how much her brother had done for her.

Suddenly, the flurry of good moments in her head came to a stop as she was ripped back to reality, "So our grandmother killed both of our parents?" Lily stated out loud.

"I've never known what truly happened to our mother." Jesse stated, "But like I said. I saw it in our gran'ma's dead eyes." He was shaking his head, "Mom wouldn't abandon us like that on her own will, that I know for sure." He shook his head, "I never wanted to tell you the truth because I didn't want you to know anything about this place. I lived with so much guilt and grief after everything that happened with our family. After I finally got the fuck outta here, I just wanted to protect you and make sure you didn't have to go through anything that I did."

Lily nodded.

"Angelville is a fucked up place, Lil." Jesse stated, "This is the most goddamned awful place there is. If the devil created Texas like some folks say, then this is where he rested on the seventh day."

"Hm." Lily continued nodding, not doubting what he said.

"You've always been gifted, Lily. In many ways." Jesse stated, "But your gift. Your... visions you've experienced through the years... They're something much bigger." Lily studied his eyes as he continued, "We have it in our blood, you much more than myself, this... I don't even know what to call it." Once again, Jesse was shaking his head in frustration. He shrugged his shoulders, "I couldn't teach you, so I tried to hide it. I saw what our gran'ma was capable of doin' in my time of being here, and it was only hateful, hurtful shit. I was scared. Scared you'd end up like her." He admitted. His eyes moved up to hers, and she couldn't blame him for that. He exhaled, "It wasn't right for me to do, but like I said, I thought I was doing something good. That might very well not be the fucking case. I hope you can forgive me for that."

"Of course." Lily said without doubt.

Jesse moved his eyes from hers and glanced around quickly, before staring back into her eyes intently, "You need to be very careful. Protect yourself and don't let gran'ma or any of her piece of shit monsters tell you to do somethin' without me knowin', understand?" He warned.

"What did she do to us?" Lily asked, raising her left hand and showing Jesse her palm. His right hand had an identical scar, mirrored. It looked no more healed than hers was, leading her to believe Cassidy's blood had no healing affect on it since Jesse's looked no worse than hers. It was as if the wound was closed, but over top of it was a very dark red film - almost black. "Gran'ma holds our life in our hands until we repay a debt to her. She thinks I ruined her business by running away like I did." Jesse huffed, "As if I had somethin' to do with no more souls coming around these parts for her to harvest." He spat bitterly, lighting another smoke.

"Soul harvesting?" Lily asked, "Is that why you knew so much about all that run around with the Saint that one day?"

"There's a lot more to that. I could go on forever." Jesse stated, "Soul harvestin'. Monsters. All kinds of wicked and evil things. Supernatural tactics and all sorts of fucked up shit." He shook his head, thinking about what they would do to Cassidy if they found out he was a vampire, "Cass especially needs to be very careful around here." Jesse said quietly, "It'll be real bad if any of them find out about him."

Lily nodded, "I'll make sure he knows."

"Speaking of Cassidy.." Jesse exhaled, "I'd like to start that part over, if you let me." He asked genuinely. With her eyes looking into her brothers, she shook her head softly, "Jesse, you know I'm not the one you need to start over that over with." He nodded, knowing that Cassidy had been the one that Jesse had been worse to, "Still. I acted like a real jackass. Couldn't have made you too proud."

Lily's face scrunched, remembering the fact that the Grail had placed a hidden camera in the apartment back in New Orleans, showing Jesse footage of Cassidy and Lily having sex, "It's not your fault you found out the way you did."

Jesse cringed almost immediately, taking a larger than usual drag from the cigarette between his fingers, "Yeaaa." He said with a clenched voice as he eventually exhaled a large trail of smoke, "I really fucking wish I could remove that from my mind forever." Jesse groaned. "I know." Lily said quickly, "I know." Jesse did anything to put anything else in his mind other than the image he had of Cassidy and his little sister, "Another reason to beat the shit out of Starr." He stated bitterly.

Though it was hard to look at him with all that in mind, Lily found the courage to, "I wish I had figured out a way to tell you sooner but things were so damn chaotic. You were pretty side tracked yourself, hardly wanted to have a fucking beer with us, let alone did I have the opportunity to tell you what was going on with my personal life."

"Yea," Jesse nodded, knowing how incredibly stubborn and tunnel-visioned into finding God he was. His relationship with all of them had suffered because of his determination with tracking down God, "How'd that even happen?" He asked curiously, "With... Cassidy?"

Lily took a breath in, trying her best to compile her thoughts and explain things somewhat properly.

Jesse realized how harsh that sounded, "I just mean, I would've never expected someone like him to catch your attention in that way."

Lily's eyes glared the slightest and Jesse sat straighter, "Not like that. I dont mean-" He huffed, dragging his hand to his forehead as he rubbed it, "Goddamn it, I don't know what I mean."

"No I get it." Lily sighed, "Why would an uptight, too-good, materialistic, selfish bitch like me see anything in anyone but myself, right?"

"That's not it! It's just-" Jesse struggled to convey his genuine curiosity in the proper way. Without judgment, "Well, you've never been one much for findin' yourself a boyfriend or having any romantic kind of relationships going on, that's all. That's the only reason why I'm havin' such a hard time explaining what I mean." He dragged from his smoke again, "I didn't exactly have to worry about you running around and fallin' head over heels with the first guy you laid your eyes on." He raised his brows and held his hands out, "You were never boy crazy, thank God. Never gave me the opportunity to meet a boyfriend or anythin' like that, you were normally the one telling them to fuck off yourself."

Lily raised her brows, "I did tell Cassidy to fuck off. Many times." Lily specified, "But somehow, some way he still found a way to want to be around me."

Jesse lowered his brow as he stared at her. They stared into each others eyes, and suddenly, in the tensity of the conversation, Jesse and Lily burst out into laughter together. They were both relieved at the sudden outburst as the whole situation seemed to be a lot less tense and awkward than it was to begin with.

After a little while, Lily readjusted herself on the large rock they sat on. She thought about it all and eventually she took a deep breath and cleared her throat, "I guess..." She paused, thinking about her words one last time before she said them out loud, "I guess it made me realize I'm done being that selfish bitch I was my whole life, Jesse." She said genuinely, "I just want to be with people that love me. And that's you three. We are all we've got."

Jesse nodded, glancing at the ground before looking back up to her, "Does that mean he's told you he loves you?" He asked somewhat interrogatively, but mostly just curious to know how serious things were between them. Lily's eyes moved thoughtfully as she shook her head, "He loves all of us, Jesse. I'm sure he'll remind you that himself if you just prove you want a do-over about all this." Jesse nodded, thinking about the entire situation, "So you two are serious, then?"

Jesse could see that Lily struggled to find the right words at first. Finally, she took a quick breath, "Listen. This whole thing is all new to me." Lily stated, "It's hard for me to come out and say anything about it, cause to be honest.. him and I have hardly talked about it, so..." She thought about Tulip yelling at the two of them to get their shit together so long ago. She should've listened to Tulip then and there, "We gotta get our shit together." Lily said aloud, quoting Tulip's advice she'd given to them.

Lily thought of how they connected to begin with. She thought about the reliance she had to his blood and part of her wanted to explain it to her brother, but there was already so much to process between them. She kept it simple, "I need him, Jesse." That had sounded a lot more serious, and completely different context to Jesse, him not knowing about her reliance to Cassidy's blood. Lily blinked, then again, once the words came out, she wasn't sure if she was referring to just that after all.

"Damnit." Jesse spat, "I'm sorry you didn't feel like you could come to me. I guess that's what I get for hiding so much from you. Didn't teach you to open up about things too well, I suppose." Lily didn't have a response. Jesse wasn't exactly wrong.

"You don't mind if I talk to him, then?" Jesse asked softly. Lily raised her brow, "As long as you don't make it into world war fucking three, I don't care." Jesse smiled, finishing the smoke in his hand as Lily leaned towards him, "For the record," She continued, "He's given me Hell every day since him and I hardly had anything going on about you not knowing. I practically threatened his life every day since, if that helps his case."

Jesse nodded thoughtfully, "Hm." He hummed, "It does." Stomping out his cigarette, he leaned back on the rock they sat on, staring at the large house a distance away in front of them, "I know this is a lot. I'm sure lots more will come to your mind while we're here." He shook his head and looked back at her, "No more hiding anything. If you want to talk, I'm here. I'm sorry to have to put you through all this. All I've known my whole life is the instinct and drive to just make sure you're safe. And happy. It took me a long time, but I think I've finally realized that you're a grown woman now and not everything that makes me happy makes you happy."

"Hey." Lily whispered softly, "That's not true. Lots of things that make you happy make me happy, too. Like cowboy movies... Tulip... Guns... A good bar fight..."

Jesse laughed, grabbing Lily and hugging her tight, "I love you Lily. More than anything." Jesse said, squeezing his sister.

"I love you too, Jesse." Lily assured, hugging him back just as hard.

He kept her tight in his arms, "I'm gonna do everything I can to get us the Hell out of here as quick as possible." He promised, before he pulled back, staring at her with intensity, "But for that to happen, we all gotta work together. And Gran'ma's gonna need some convincing."