Jesse glanced behind him from where he sat, staring at the large house that sat in the center of the property of Angelville, shifting his weight on the old wooden bin he sat on. He had made sure to walk a ways down the driveway, hoping they wouldn't be in ear shot of anyone or anything that crept around the grounds of the property, but you could never be sure of that in Angelville. There was a faint glow from an old light of a shed nearby and it was just enough to see the outline of Cassidy who stood a few feet away from Jesse, staring out into the distance of the property.
Shifting his weight again, Jesse let the whiskey bottle in his hand hit the bin he sat on with a clunk, "You wanna do the honors?" He asked. Cassidy took a moment before dragging his feet around and facing Jesse. Even in the dark, he kept his sunglasses on.
Finally, Cassidy reached for the bottle, opening it in record timing as the corked lid came off with a distinct pop sound that was music to Cassidy's ears. Jesse was glad to see Cassidy raise the bottle to his mouth and take a good amount out of it.
Eventually, Cassidy removed the suction of his mouth to the bottle and exhaled in satisfaction. There was a few seconds of silence before he found a spot sitting next to Jesse, waiting for him to begin the conversation of what Cassidy was sure to be about a million things. He could only imagine the discussion between the Custers. It was obvious to Cassidy that Lily had most likely forced this entire thing - to bring peace to make things easier. Cassidy groaned to himself.
There was a constant sound of night bugs buzzing and chirping, but other than that they could hear each others every breath and movement, and the tensity was very uncomfortable. As the two of them sat there, Jesse felt like there was a brick wall between them. There was a noticeable distance. Jesse grabbed a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lit himself one before crossing through the invisible wall and offering the pack to Cassidy, who thankfully followed suit. Jesse handed Cassidy his lighter and was relieved to see him light a smoke. As Cassidy passed the lighter back to Jesse, he tucked it into his pocket. The silence was still louder than ever, and eventually Jesse let out a deep exhale as he stared straight into the void of darkness, "I'm not going to say sorry because I feel like you don't deserve that."
Cassidy felt his blood boil, which didn't take much with him these days, but somehow he managed to keep his head on as he puffed a little bit harder at his smoke and Jesse soon continued talking, "I mean, I've been dealt a lot of bullshit from people in my time and I can only imagine how much more bullshit you've been dealt given the fact you're, what..." Jesse paused, turning to him a moment, "Ninety years on me?"
Feeling the heat inside him die down, Cassidy realized the beginning of that thought hadn't meant to be a spiteful thing. He had to be sure to listen to Jesse's words carefully before acting out on them right away. He shrugged his shoulder, exhaling a trail of smoke, "Sure." He groaned shortly.
Jesse shook his head, "I'm not going to waste your time with any more 'I'm sorry' bullshit." He did his best to try and look at him in the eye past his shades that covered them, "I'm sure you're sick of it. Instead I want you to think of all the mistakes I'm sure you've made as the man you are and know that the way I dealt with finding out about you and my sister being together as one of the biggest mistakes in my life."
In an instant, Cassidy felt himself melt. That was all he really wanted to hear was a sorry, but the way Jesse had put it was much more heartfelt than he'd imagined. Jesse was right. Cassidy had been dealt a lot of bullshit. The perspective Jesse put held a lot more weight than just a forced apology. One thing Jesse was right about was with Cassidy's years of experience, it was pretty easy for him to see whether someone was being genuine, and in the first few seconds of talking, Jesse seemed genuine. It made Cassidy wonder that Lily hadn't been behind this entirely after all.
Jesse's voice ripped Cassidy out of his eternal thoughts, "If I could have the chance to redo that moment I'd like to."
Cassidy lowered his brow again, confused by what Jesse was saying.
"If you'd let me." Jesse specified.
With a deep breath, Cassidy pressed his lips together and shook his head in a go-for-it manner.
Nodding his head, Jesse stared forward again, compiling his many thoughts. He rubbed his chin as he dragged from his cigarette, "Lily has never been with anyone." He stated, "Never brought anyone home for me and Tulip to meet, never coming home busting down the doors in a heartbroken fit, never come begging to me to kill some mother-fucker who broke her heart. No." He shook his head, smoke in his mouth again as his words were muffled by it, "None of that." He moved the smoke from his mouth as he exhaled.
Turning to Cassidy, Jesse had his brow scrunched, "She has got to be one of the most self absorbed people I know. So self absorbed she never cared to find anyone to be with. Part of me was beginning to wonder if Tulip and I lead an example of too much independence for her." Jesse confessed.
Cassidy sat at his side, listening intently to Jesse's words. For the first time in what felt like a lifetime, Cassidy finally felt like he was sitting with his friend. It had been so long since he'd recognized Jesse, it was like he was a stranger the past crazy while. It left Cassidy a bit speechless, worried saying anything might ruin this comfortable and familiar moment.
He took Cassidy's silence as a means to continue, "But lately I've noticed how different she is." He said that statement more dark than intended, and he noticed that right away, "I mean-" He back tracked, "It's a good thing. To see her change some of her ways it's just-" His words stopped as he struggled to explain how he felt put into words, and he was somewhat relieved when Cassidy finally spoke, "No, I get it." He said. Given everything Jesse had just explained, it made sense. Lily hadn't been with anyone before and obviously that caused her to change, which was a lot to take since she'd been her same self for as long as she'd been an adult. Easy enough to understand given the facts. Cassidy didn't want Jesse going on about something that he was clearly still trying to get used to.
Looking to Cassidy at his side just to make sure the words weren't sarcastic, Jesse noticed Cassidy's face had changed entirely. It was finally a glimpse of the Cassidy he knew. His face wasn't hard and cold any more. Jesse felt relieved at the pay off of the route he'd taken. Following his natural instinct had paid off, proving that much more how off path of character of himself he'd been - it wasn't going unnoticed to himself.
Finally, the two of them were recognizable to one another again. Jesse used the momentum to keep going,"Cass-" He held his breath as he struggled once again to put the words together properly. His voice was soft, "I said a lot of things that day to you that I wish I hadn't. I was seein' red and I wasn't myself. I don't want you to think I feel that way. Like the things I said.."
Already shaking his head, Cassidy reached for the bottle, "I don't blame ye, Jess. Findin' out like that." The two of them cringed in sync at the idea of Jesse seeing the vulgar footage Herr Starr had shown him of Cassidy and Lily having sex. Cassidy lifted the bottle towards his mouth, but he was shocked when it was yanked out of his hand.
"I don't think so." Jesse said, standing on his feet now and nearly knocking Cassidy over as he stole the bottle, "I need that more than you do right with that image back in my fucking mind." Jesse cranked his neck back and began downing the whiskey.
Cassidy watched for a moment in surprise and it wasn't long before Jesse pulled the bottle from his lips, liquid seeping from the corners of his mouth as he winced, dragging his sleeve over his face to clean the mess as he coughed. Suddenly, Cassidy cackled deafeningly loud, startling Jesse considering how out of place Cassidy's laugh was in the tensity of the air that was there just moments ago.
The grin across Cassidy's face was impossible not to mirror, as Jesse soon laughed back, swinging the bottle to Cassidy as he grabbed it. Jesse lowered himself to sit back in his spot, the wall that was just between them seeming to vanish in an instant.
Finally, their chuckles died down and Jesse tried to fix the mess in his head to get back to track of the things he wanted to address. Jesse bobbed his head a little bit, "I'd like to think part of me always kinda knew there was somethin' goin' on." He admitted, "I mean, I noticed things in her I've never seen before. I could tell by the way she looked at you that she really cared about you, but she'd always make it seem like it was nothin', and it's not like I was really giving much of a shit about anyone but myself the last while, so I didn't really get into it as much as I should've." His mind wandered a moment before he puffed on his cigarette, leaning back from the spot he was sitting and flicking the ash, "If I wasn't such an ass I'm sure she would've felt more open to talkin' to me." Jesse groaned. With his brow furrowed, Cassidy felt the weight of guilt hit his shoulders that he held for so long about holding everything about what had going on between him and Lily from Jesse, "I never wanted ye t'find out that way, Jess. Really, I didn't." He admitted, moving the whiskey bottle to his lips.
Jesse sat up straight, "I know." He stated, "She told me you were on her ass about telling me from the beginning."
Cassidy had the whiskey bottle in his mouth as he hummed against it eagerly, raising his brows and shaking a finger out as he quickly moved the neck of the bottle from his lips, "Fuck yea, I was!" He said a little too loudly, turning himself more open to Jesse, "That girl-" He groaned in annoyance, shaking his head, "Ugh." He lifted his head to Jesse, finally giving him a peak of his eyes. They had the wild spark in them that Jesse was happy to see again. Cassidy continued to shake his head, "She's a god damn nightmare about stuff, keepin' secrets n'shite. Don't tell Jess this, don't tell Jess that, like." He rolled his eyes, "Fuck." He cursed as he brought the bottle back up to his lips.
Feeling a sting in his gut, Jesse let those words sink in, puffing at his smoke as he hummed to himself, "She didn't want to tell me anything." He repeated, mostly for himself. "That was my fault. I created that in her." Jesse thought about all themes he'd shot her down every time she asked about their family and heritage. He shook his head to himself, "Made it seem like I wasn't a good person to come to to talk to about anything."
Moving the bottle from his lips again, Cassidy stared at Jesse at his side, noticing his obviously sorrowful tone. His voice was almost a whisper they were so soft, "I really fucked up, Cass." Jesse admitted aloud for the first time, "Keepin' all this shit-" Jesse glanced back at the house and opened his arms, "From her the way I did." He groaned, a bit of frustration showing as his words were a bit more heated, "I'm done pretendin' everything's fine. I'm finally taking responsibilities for all the things I've fucked up on, and a pretty big fuckin' part of that fucking-up is raising my sister with a whole side of our lives full off all sorts of secrets and completely fucked up things she had no idea about." He stopped, his blood boiling suddenly as he felt all the guilt and regret hit him.
He threw his cigarette to the ground and used his boot to grind it into the dirt with the heat he'd built up in himself as he quickly lit himself another one. Cassidy stayed quiet, not sure how to respond as he wasn't sure if Jesse was done venting just yet. He watched as Jesse dragged from the fresh cigarette, unable to look at Cassidy as Jesse raised his brows to himself, "So you can see where she got that from. The secrets. Hiding and holding back on important shit." He flicked at his smoke as he brought it back up to his mouth, "Learned from the best." He spat.
Cassidy took a moment, taking his turn to gather the right words in his head for a change, "You said so yerself, I've been here a lot longer than you. I've never met anyone like you three. You did a jus fine-" He reiterated, "-perfect, job raising yer sister."
Although Cassidy's words were kindhearted, they didn't fix anything Jesse was angry and regretful about. He was surprised when Cassidy leaned a little closer to him, causing him to finally look back up at him. Cassidy's glasses were completely off, and Jesse found himself a bit surprised as he caught a glimpse of the grey, filmed over eyes that looked back at him. They were soft as his voice was. "There's no one out there that gets tryin' to keep things from people to try n'protect them more than me." He said.
Jesse nodded slowly, only able to imagine the scenarios Cassidy had been through in his position. Jesse looked from one eye to another, his throat dry, "I wanted to protect her from this forever. But I had no choice."
Jesse remembered how Cassidy had rubbed the fact that there had been another choice in his face when they had first arrived to Angelville. Cassidy could have changed Tulip into a vampire. Shaking his head, Jesse exhaled, "It's not that I have anything against what you are, Cass. I just had another way to bring Tulip back without resorting to..." Jesse couldn't find words that weren't cold, "That." He settled with.
Cassidy nodded, having nothing to say. What's done was done, there was no sense going on about it for all eternity. Jesse puffed at his cigarette, "She wasn't able to make that call for herself so, ya, I did. You can call it playing God or whatever you're pissed off about but she's my partner, and I feel like I had every right to make the call I did."
"That's fair." Cassidy said. In that moment, Cassidy could've probably apologized himself for crossing a line trying to make that decision to change Tulip, but he didn't feel it was warranted. He watched as Jesse grabbed at the bottle to take another swig. Cassidy raised his brows, "Didn't think there was another way t'save 'erif I'm bein' honest." He justified, "Definitely happier that she's back to her normal self." He admitted.
Jesse put the bottle down between them and nodded, his face wincing from the burn, "So no hard feelings about all that any more?" Cassidy shook his head, "Not t'tall." He said gladly, taking the bottle back as he downed some more whiskey.
With his mind wandering, Jesse thought about his sister. How serious she'd been about her and Cassidy being together. All the questions Jesse had of what the future of his sister and best friend would look like. Feeling the buzz hitting him, Jesse felt his words coming much easier, finally getting to the topic that was burning in him the most, "You'd do anything for her?" Jesse asked, forgetting Cassidy hadn't been listening to Jesse's inner train of thought. Cassidy moved the bottle from his mouth, his brow scrunched in confusion. Jesse nodded, "Lily."
Cassidy raised a brow, "What are you gettin' at?" He asked.
"Lily's going to get old and eventually die." Jesse blurted out. Cassidy felt like he got punched in the gut as his mind processed Jesse's abrupt words. Jesse went on, "We all are. Me. Lily. Tulip. That's just what happens." He stated with a shrug. Still a bit winded from the blow of the topic, Cassidy huffed as Jesse shifted his weight, "Or do you and her have other plans?" He asked curiously.
"I-" Cassidy started immediately, but quickly held his words because he wasn't even sure what his answer was. He must've been taking too long to think about what to say because Jesse found it as an invite to speak again, "Well it's kind of an obvious fact." Jesse stated, "You can't tell me that you haven't talked about it."
With a sudden dry mouth, Cassidy shifted his weight, "We haven't." He said quietly. Cassidy had been through plenty of partners in his time, each time it would end up being anything long term there would get a point where the person he was with would start growing older and it seemed to happen quicker each time. Most of the time he did leave them as they crept into the older ages. He would be lying to himself if he said he was happy to just be with Lily and watch her grow old and die.
As much as he dreaded all those times of watching the ones he loved age and die, just as much of him was too lonely to be on his own.
Cassidy spoke carefully, "Wot yer gettin' at right now..." He let out a short breath, "I wouldn't do that to 'er." He stated, staring at Jesse in the eye and speaking with pure certainty.
"What about with Tulip?" Jesse asked.
"That was different." Cassidy said with a bit of sharpness. He sighed, clearly torn, "I mean. The moment." His eyes fluttered as he remembered how panicked they all were, "I was jus actin' on impulse. It wasn't right see in' 'er die like that. N'all this voodoo, bringin' people back t'life bullocks that yer ol witch of a granny did is new t'me. I didn't know there were other ways, Jess. Jaysis." Cassidy swore.
"So," Jesse continued, "You'd do the same for my sister."
Cassidy turned his head to Jesse, "If the situation was the exact same..." Cassidy stopped on his words for a moment. Jesse had been open with him, so Cassidy felt Jesse deserved the same honesty from himself, "I think we both know the answer." Cassidy stated lowly. Jesse stared at Cassidy, nodding his head once slowly. Cassidy on the inside was torn. Every bit of him wanted to believe he'd never change Lily yet more of him knew if anything happened to her he wouldn't think twice to save her.
"I hate wot I am, Jess." Cassidy admitted, "Trust me when I say I'm gonna do everything to avoid havin' t'do the same to 'er. But I'm not about to sit 'ere and lie to yer face n'tell ye that if somethin' like wot happened to Tulip happened to Lily that I wouldn't do somethin'. It wouldn't be fer 'er. This life is pure Hell. Watching everyone you love die. Not bein' able to go out in the day like a normal person. Constantly strugglin' between whether ye should be enjoyin' the company of others or whether to sink yer teeth into them."
Jesse was lost for words. Eternal life and means to heal from nearly anything seemed like a bonus, but the short glimpse Cassidy had just given Jesse made him pity him for the first time. Cassidy shook his head, his face disgusted in himself, "You go on about how self absorbed yer sister is, hmph." Cassidy chuckled feebly, his mouth moving into a straight line quickly after, "The things I'd do fer my benefit.. hmph." He shook his head, "I'm the most selfish bastard out there."
Jesse sighed. Cassidy's words meant that regardless of the fact he hated what he was, there was a larger part of him that wouldn't let go of Lily easily. Jesse digested the information, realizing the probability of his sister becoming a vampire was a mystery that relied on just the way things ended up. Cassidy wouldn't go out of his way to just do it, but if he was pressured into it, his selfishness wouldn't let him resist - it hadn't for Tulip, so why would Lily be any different.
"Just curious if you two had made some sort of plan is all." Jesse explained his prying, his stomach twisting a bit, "You know. With us Custers being the dysfunctional secret keepers we are. I don't know anythin' that's going on between you two." Jesse was noticing his words slurring more and more. He wondered why, being that he wasn't a lightweight by any means.
Shaking his head, Cassidy grabbed the whiskey bottle again, "Like I said, definitely no plan on it." He assured.
Jesse nodded slowly, looking at Cassidy as he was nearly finishing off the bottle. "Ya know..." Jesse went on, his words were much slower than they were at the beginning of their talk, "I was a real asshole for a while there. I was entirely wrapped up in a giant heap of God damned bullshit, and I wasn't thinking right-" He lost where his train of thought was going as he shifted his weight and his head span a bit, "Shit." He grabbed his forehead, "Cass did you spike the bottle while I wasn't lookin? I'm hammered."
Moving the bottle from his mouth, Cassidy chuckled, "I wish." He sniffed, slapping Jesse on the back, "Since when are you such a bloody lightweight, like?"
Shaking his head, Jesse had a slow moment of realization, "Lily was asking me about wine." He stated. "Ya?" Cassidy said flatly, not knowing what that had to do with the whiskey they were drinking.
Jesse held out his hand, the one with the scar from the knife he'd used to draw blood from himself and his sister for their blood pact they'd made with their grandmother. "I'm pretty sure this thing connects me and Lil more than just to our grandmother's control." He looked up at Cassidy, "And I'm also pretty sure my sister is hammered right now."
