Chapter 9: Firewhisky
Minerva didn't apologize and neither did Severus so the next few weeks they were as cold to one another as the weather outside. November rains blew into a cold December and the chill was felt in any room they were in together. No words were spoken but they had a mutual understanding to avoid one another at all costs. Severus stayed out of the staff room and let her have that domain and Minerva avoided giving detentions or reporting on any Slytherin students simply to avoid having to speak with him. At the dining table of the great hall they started to sit at opposite ends and with Albus gone more often than he was there, they didn't feel the need to pretend that they were getting along. Very little changed until Slughorns Christmas party in late December.
Slughorn had invited his favorite students, known as the "Slug Club" to a special holiday party. Select teachers were invited as well but as Minerva disapproved of Professors Slughorn showing preferential treatment to his favorite students, so she was not going to be in attendance. Severus usually didn't go to such events either but he needed a chance to talk to Draco Malfoy alone. Since the necklace incident he had twice ordered Draco to his office and Draco simply ignored the request. He needed to let Draco know that he knew what he was trying to do and he wanted to offer his assistance. In that way he could prevent Draco hurting anyone else and he could arrange things with Dumbledore so that they could control when and how he dies. Preferable just before the poison takes complete control over his Dumbledore's body.
Severus drank a few fire whiskeys at the party, he usually didn't meddle with whiskey, getting drunk and playing the role of spy was not a safe game. He liked to keep his wits about him but the last month had been stressful to say the least. At the party he finally got a chance to talk to Draco and the end result was not good. He was determined to carry out the dark lords instructions alone in some vain attempt to raise his status with the dark lord.
Severus was now back in his room and he continued drinking more and more fire whiskey. He was getting himself good and drunk to help forget about his predicament. At one in the morning he found himself sitting at his desk, parchment and quill in front of him, thinking about Lily. He wanted to confess, he wanted to write it all down, to beg her forgiveness for all he did and all that he has become. He knew he wouldn't' actually put quill to paper but he was sorely tempted.
He started to doodle on the parchment simply to prevent himself from writing any words. He wasn't aware of what he was drawing. After few minutes he looked down and was surprised by what he saw. His parchment was intersected by a string of Celtic knots in the same pattern that was tattooed on Minerva's body.
He jumped up and made a snap decision. He needed to see her. He could apologize at least for his behavior towards her. He made his way through the castle to her rooms. It wasn't any easy journey as he was really quite drunk. When he made it safely to her door he had to knock multiple times before he got an answer.
Minerva woke from the first knock but took a few moments to look for her dressing gown and debate whether to put up her hair. She rarely slept with her hair down but lately she has been trying to cheer herself up from the funk she was in. She was hurt beyond words over Severus treatment of her and it made her feel old, ugly, and unloved. Now she had taken to wearing a beautiful silk nightgown to bed and combing her hair out every night to help her feel like a beautiful woman again. It was something for her and not for anyone else so she was in a bit of a panic when there was a knock at her door.
It was a persistent knock which made her fear there was a dire emergency so she ditched her search for her dressing gown and ran to the door. She opened it wide to see Severus leaning against the door jam barely holding himself up.
He looked up at her with an expression of awe and wonderment. Her hair was cascading past her shoulders and her spaghetti strapped nightgown was clinging in all the right places. He let go of the door jamb while his eyes were drinking in her body and he practically fell over the threshold.
She ran to him assuming he was badly hurt and practically carried him inside. "Serverus, are you okay!" she asked as she let him drape his arm across her shoulders as she assisted him towards the couch.
It wasn't until he started to speak that she realized he was drunk. "I need" he started to say as he sat down on the couch but his momentum caused him to start leaning the other way. He grabbed for her to keep from falling and her instincts to help won over and she reached out to steady him. "He grabbed her rather hard and practically pulled her down. She put her arm out on the couch to steady herself as he said "I mean, I want… to talk to you"
She sat down giving him quite a wide berth saying in an accusing tone "Severus, your drunk!"
He put his hand out as if pressing down an invisible object in front of him saying "Perhaps"
Her expression of concern changed quickly to one of disappointment. Her eyes got wider, her mouth poutier, and her chin pushed forward.
He always loved that face on her. He loved watching her try and maintain the stern Professor look when he knew deep down she was anything but. His drunk, blunt, honest thoughts seem to have taken over his mouth as he said "It always turns me on when you give me that look"
She sighed and stood up with an exacerbated look started saying "I'll get you a blanket and a potion and if you still want to talk in the morning, I'll be here"
As she started to walk away he got a view of her silk nightgown stretched taut over her ass and all other thoughts seem to vacate his brain. She walked back over with a blanket and a pillow and as she laid the pillow down, he laid down on his back so he could watch her every move. She covered him with a blanket and sat on the edge of the couch "I'll leave a potion on the table for you to take when you wake"
She stood up and he reached out his hands. She let him touch her fingers lightly. He ran his hand to his wrist saying "I miss you"
She shook her head no saying "you miss touching me, that is different"
"I do miss touching you" he said as he ran his fingers back down her arm and laced his fingers with hers. Then he surprised her by saying "but I really miss you"
She smiled despite herself but she wasn't going to let his drunk rantings make up for the pain she had been feeling for weeks because of him. She pulled her hand away saying "good night Severus"
She made her way back to her room and hid in her bathroom to compose herself. She looked at her reflection in the mirror and was angry at herself for the smile that was plastered on her face. She could never hide her emotions and it felt really good to hear those words from his lips. Unfortunately, she knew that he would never acknowledge that sentiment in a sober state.
She opened her medicine chest and took out a headache potion and decanted it into a small phial. She brought it back to the living room and was not surprised to find him fast asleep on her couch. She watched him breathe for a moment and then placed the phial on the table. She then leaned over a placed a small kiss on his lips saying "I miss you too Severus"
As she made her way back to her room he opened his eyes to watch her leave. He brushed his fingers to his lips to trace the place where she kissed him. Then he smiled, close his eyes, and let Morpheus take over.
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Severus woke the next morning and was completely disoriented. He couldn't immediately comprehend where he was until he looked down and saw he was covered with a tartan blanket. Scots and their damn tartan! He thought.
He sat up and realized that was a very bad idea and laid right back down. His head was pounding. He turned slightly and saw a small phial. Attached to the phial was a note in her handwriting that said
Severus
Drink me
M.
Short, sweet, and to the point. He popped the top of the vial and drank down the potion in one gulp. It was his own concoction so he knew it would work well and fast. He closed his eyes and could feel the pressure leaving his head. After a minute he stood up and felt a lot better.
He was embarrassed about his actions the night before but he was at least grateful that he remembered all of them. He was especially grateful of the memory of her appearance as she answered the door. Hair long and wavy, one shoulder strap of her nightgown fallen down and resting against her arm, the way her nightgown lay long and tight hugging her breast, hips, and butt. The thought wasn't helping his morning erection.
He wasn't sure if she was awake or not and he wasn't sure if he wanted to meet her just yet. He slipped the note in his pocket, folded the blanket, placed it on top of the pillow, and then exited her room quickly.
Severus's headache may have gone away but his mind was working overdrive. As he started his morning routine he couldn't get her image of her out of his head. He also kept reliving the chaste kiss she had placed on his lips.
Why did I end it? He asked himself. It made no logically sense. He had to deprive himself of every other thing why did he deprive himself of her. He was living a lie everywhere he looked and it was driving him mad. Why couldn't he allow himself just a little bit of happiness. The brief time they spent together made him happy. I wasn't just the sex, which he wouldn't deny was significant part of the arrangement, but most of all her company made him happy. He wanted that back and he knew that it needed to start with an apology from him.
An hour later he was showered and dressed and made his way to the great hall. She was seated at the far end of the head table and as he walked behind her he stopped at the open chair next to her asking "May I?"
"Of course" she answered. A little surprised that he was willing to face her so soon after last night.
After he settled in the chair she asked "How are you feeling?"
"Better. Thank you for the potion"
She returned to her plate expecting the conversation to end there. She was surprised when he said "Are you free tonight? I would like an chance to talk… privately"
She thought for a moment before saying "I have a bunch of essays to read but I should be free after 10. You can stop by then"
He nodded his ascent and was busy fixing his tea. The rest of breakfast was eaten in a comfortable silence. They missed each other at lunch and dinner due to opposing schedules so they didn't see each other again until later that evening. She stayed dressed in her usual high neck dark green gown but had discarded her robes for the evening and was prepared to look busy while waiting for his arrival.
He didn't leave her waiting too long as at about one minute past ten Severus came knocking. When she answered his face was full of disappointment. "What is the matter?" she asked
He smirked not making any attempts to hide his feelings saying "I was hoping you would have changed into last evenings outfit?"
She rolled her eyes at him as she turned to walk back into her rooms. "I would offer you a drink but I would imagine you had your fill last evening" she said as she turned to face him.
"I have, but please, feel free to indulge"
"Hmmm, are you trying to get me tipsy before our conversation? I should warn you, I am Scottish and it will take more than a few drams to make me tipsy."
"Tipsy, no. But, it wouldn't hurt to have a few to take the edge off" he suggested.
"Are you suggesting I have sharp edges, Severus?" she said. He could sense a little flirtation in her voice. He took that as a good sign.
He took a few steps in her direction saying "Well, while you do have some very sensational curses, I don't think it will be a surprise for you to discover that you also have quite a few sharp edges"
She raised one eyebrow at his comments but didn't admit or refute his statement. She did enjoy a return to a sparky filled dialogue with him but she turned the conversation back to the point at hand "now what is it that you would like to speak to me about?"
He took a few more steps in her direction so that he was standing about a foot away. "I'm sorry" he said
When he didn't elaborate, she looked him in the eye saying "sorry for what, exactly"
"I'm sorry for what I said"
"Oh, you mean you are sorry that you accused me of using you as a sex toy or are you sorry that you accused me of sleeping with you to release some inner unresolved hatred issues I have"
"Both" was his only response.
See rolled her eyes yet again at him saying "I think I will have that fire whisky" and she turned her back on him.
She was grateful for the apology, it did mean a lot to her but she wanted to set a standard that he couldn't just flake out whenever he wanted and start throwing barbs her way. She took a sip of her whiskey and let the burn work its way down her throat. Admittedly, it immediately dulled at least some of her edges.
"Apology accepted" she said softly, without turning around.
He walked up behind her and pressed his hips to her bum as placed a soft kiss to her neck. She whipped around as she pulled away saying "I accepted your apology, Severus, I didn't invite you back into my bed!"
If she wasn't so angry she would have started laughing at the face he pulled, Hi mimicked a whiny child as he said "Why not?"
"It's called consequence, Severus, you may have heard the concept before. You can't simply pick up where you left off. You have gone over two months treating me like I was a blast-ended skwert that needed to be avoided at all costs!"
"Well, you haven't exactly been extending a wand in my direction either!" he countered.
"Precisely!" she said, as he inadvertently helped her make her point. "It is going to take time to repair our friendship, Severus."
He grabbed for her hand saying "Minerva, I would prefer that we repair more than just our friendship"
"Well we need to start somewhere and I prefer we start there."
"Fine" he said. She expressed a bit of shock at his easy acceptance but was less shocked when he followed that with "Minerva, as your friend, I would like to request permission to sleep over"
She raised her glass for a sip then said with a haughty tone "Request denied"
"You know, Minerva, I am an expert potion maker and I could simply slip you a draught to make you succumb to my every wish"
"and I am sure you know that I am a world class witch and can transform you into a spider faster than you can spell sex"
"Fine, square one it is. Can I at least get a kiss goodnight?"
"Go back to your rooms Severus" she said as she pushed him gently in the chest in the direction of the door.
When he made it to the door her turned around and took one last look at her. "Good night Minerva" he said with sincerity.
"Good night, Serverus. And pleasant dreams"
