John watched the pyre burn, occasionally throwing another piece of wood into the embers. He leaned back against his truck as he waited for the fire to burn and die out, taking Elkins's body with it.
He couldn't really describe the last forty-eight hours, couldn't really bring to words just how bone deep tired and drained he was. He felt like he wanted to crawl into the nearest bed, possibly not even caring if it was in Elkins's cabin, and just sleep for a few weeks if not months.
Everything had just happened too fast for him to really take a moment to comprehend it all. From having one son to two, from believing that Mary was still out there to finding out that she was dead only to be brought back to life by those two said sons.
Combine everything else, the loss of his friends and allies, as well as everything that he had done with Sam within the last few hours, he was ready to just sit down and just...stop for a while. Sit and consider, just let himself try not to think about everything.
Or not think at all, that seemed like a good idea as well.
Once the fire died out he made the call, not caring which hunter he called so long as it wasn't Bobby, and let them know that Daniel Elkins was dead and his cabin and whatever was left was up for grabs. After that, he got back into his truck and drove, just wanting to get away from everything.
He wasn't sure how long he drove, he didn't have a destination in mind. Just drove and drove. Filled his truck up with gas and kept driving, just wanting to put some distance between himself and...and what, he wasn't sure.
But even he had to stop at some point and got off the highway, stopping at the first motel he saw that thankfully had a bar next to it. He got a room, didn't bother to put up any protective lines or runes or anything, and just went to the bar wanting nothing more than a strong drink.
Stepping into the bar he wearily looked around, the room was half filled with a majority of the people around the pool tables while others were sitting scattered around in the shadows nursing their drinks.
He stopped at the barkeep for a moment, just to order something strong and to leave the bottle, taking both the bottle and the empty shot glass to an abandoned booth in the back. He focused on the drink and only that, not wanting to bother with anything else.
Each mouthful burned going down and he could feel the warmth spread inside of him almost soothingly. He'd finish this off, maybe he'd end up drinking the whole bottle, and go back to the motel next door and just...sleep for as long as he could.
Despite how tired he was, he already knew that he wasn't going to sleep more than six hours, his body was too trained and ingrained to only sleep for that long at the most. He legitimately couldn't sleep more than six hours and he couldn't remember the last time he did.
No. That was a lie. He knew exactly when the last time he had a full night's worth of sleep. Back then. Before everything went to hell.
Sighing and shaking his head he poured himself another shot, picking it up and staring into the depths before swinging it back, swallowing it completely. He could see people walk around him from the corner of his eye, he never really relaxed anymore. Sometimes he could see a woman start to come towards him, hips swinging, but they always left when he didn't pay them any attention.
Sometimes it was the ring on his finger, the ring he had never taken off. He had once entertained the idea but actually doing it made him feel even worse so he left it, no harm in having it there.
By law he was still a married man and as such, he had remained faithful. He hadn't slept with anyone else during these last years and quite frankly, he didn't have the desire to do it anymore regardless.
Not that it mattered, his faithfulness meant nothing when he thought about the rest of his guilt. He hadn't been faithful when it meant the most, everything else was unimportant.
Staring into the depths of the now empty shot glass he could see someone slip into his booth across from him, hood up to hide their head and hair. Breathing out slowly he brought his head up and froze, feeling whatever effect the alcohol had given him immediately evaporate.
Mary brought her hands up and pushed the hood back, letting it fall down, as she stared at him with an apprehensive look on her face. She was leaning back into the booth, her arms at either side of her and not on the table.
"Mary." he whispered, feeling his chest tighten until he couldn't breathe.
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