Magnus Bane wasn't supposed to fall in love, he definitely wasn't supposed to fall for the black haired insecure Lightwood boy. There had only been four dates now, and Alec was scheduled to show today for another one, unless Magnus declined. It's all he had to do, say 'no'.
His feet carried him along through the apartment, crossing the foyer over to the kitchen. His eyes slowly flicked over his surroundings. Why am I here? He pondered, turning to exit the kitchen. He held his hand in a tight grasp, palms sweating from his grip. This time, he paused in the bathroom, eyes also scanning the area. Nothing stuck out; this left him flustered. Spinning around he stalks off, allowing his mind to wander as he came to a halt inside his bedroom. Magnus wasn't ever one to be bored, nor impatient, nor nervous, or worried. He was always calm and collected, but now he felt about ready to yank out his hair or scream to the heavens.
Alec was always late, it was his style, he'd show up half an hour late and then apologize immensely. Magnus had grown accustomed to it. Alec being late wasn't the problem, it was the fact that Magnus knew he'd be late, that he could feel his presence in the building, and that he couldn't seem to be entertained when Alec wasn't around. It was unnerving that every dream he had was taken up by those blue eyes, and every spare thought he had was given to the boy; it had gotten bad enough that he couldn't look at anything without thinking of Alec, or wondering how his day was going. Just the thought of Alec being alone with Jace was enough to envelop Magnus in jealous fury, he couldn't stand it anymore. He had to break it off with Alec, he had to end this.
It was torturous, it consumed Magnus, it made him weak, vulnerable, open, and unprotected; it was like staring down the edge of a cliff then gladly jumping knowing your parachute was broken. And it felt so good. Like a drug, slowly killing him but making him feel better before the end. Pulling his bottom lip between his teeth he bites down hard enough to draw blood, the pain subsided too quickly though. Alec instantly flooded into his mind, taking the pain away, and his only chance to not think about the Shadowhunter. Magnus was infuriated by now. Swiping his tongue over his bottom lip to stop the bleeding he makes a rash decision: He was not going on anymore dates with Alec.
Just as the thoughts concluded themselves, there was a knock on the door, beckoning Magnus to answer. Magnus drew himself upright, prepared to say the words he'd practiced briefly. 'It's not you, it's me. I can't see you anymore, I'm just so conflicted. We can still be friends.' Simple enough. Or at least he promised himself it would be. Grasping the doorknob tightly, he sucks in one last readying breath before yanking it open. Alec stood there, eyes flicking around nervously before landing back to Magnus. He held tightly in his grip a bouquet of brightly assorted flowers, weathered down from Alec's obvious rush to get here. He took one look at Magnus and frowned slightly. "You hurt yourself. Here."
Before Magnus could begin his speech on how he needs to end this, Alec moved forward. In only a matter of seconds Alec's lips were over Magnus', a gentle loving kiss that stole all of Magnus' thoughts. He felt a shudder roam through his body as Alec gently trailed his tongue over Magnus' bottom lip, then he was gone. Magnus stared, momentarily baffled, at Alec's form. Alec simply smiled, tracing his thumb over Magnus' lip. "Better?" He asked slightly, handing over the tattered flowers to Magnus. Magnus couldn't remember what he was previously going to say, and instead nodded, tossing the flowers onto a nearby chair. "Y-Yeah, um. Ready to go?"
~~~~
This was it, Magnus would tell Alec that he couldn't keep seeing him. It was ridiculous to keep trying. One problem that poised itself was the fact that Magnus was immortal, he'd never die, but Alec would. Very soon compared to Magnus's lifespan. That thought made an uncomfortable tightening clench within his chest and made his heart race faster until the point he couldn't envision it any longer. His mind spun as he failed to reel himself back from Alec, Alec made miraculously difficult things to happen. Magnus would feel things he hadn't felt for years- centuries really since Camille was the last- like how he wouldn't be able to sleep soundly without something of Alec's that carried his scent around, or his only good dreams now held Alec, or how he bought that damn coffee machine just to make Alec smile. But Magnus still couldn't have the satisfaction of publicly referring to him as 'boyfriend'.
That word, it used to be so insignificant in the past, just something he'd fling about because he knew the other person didn't care just as much. But now it felt prominent to get to that level of the relationship, Magnus could feel his heart quiver just at the thought of saying that to Alec. 'Well this is my BOYFRIEND Alexander Lightwood' rather than 'This an acquaintance of mine, Alec. A Shadowhunter with whom I have no deeper interactions'. It upset Magnus that Alec seemed so... So... So disgusted with the realization that who he was dating- more like what he was dating- was the very thing his kind sought after to kill. The very thing his own parents joined a group to blindly kill. Magnus knew exactly what his parents would say- Magnus had already had a near fatal run in with Maryse and Robert Lightwood before, and he very much wasn't looking for another- they'd be furious if they saw him dating a Downworlder, a man Downworlder just to make matters worse. And unfortunately for Magnus, he wasn't more important than Alec's self image.
Magnus pushed from his seat again, he was restless. It was a chilly night in New York, and Magnus would kill to have Alec rested in his bed with him. But Alec said he couldn't spend the nights because he'd have to be gone early mornings before anyone detected his absence. Pulling at his sleeves, he grumbles. He refused to get changed into pajamas at the moment, he was still debating leaving the house. He was dressed anything but practically: all his earrings hooked through his ear, each finger adorned with heavy golden rings, silver bracelets jangling on his wrists, and a plain velvety black choker wrapped tightly around the base of his neck; he'd done all his make-up, smoldering black eyeliner, silvery white eye-shadow, and silver glitter falling from the edges of his eyelashes. His skin complexion was already perfect with how caramel and smooth it looked so he didn't bother applying anything for that. There was no need to gel his hair up and instead he allowed it to fall nicely down and frame his face, faded sliver and golden streaks entwined through strands, and a white black speckled feather hung from the left side. He wore a loose cut off grey shirt with the sleeves slipping off his shoulders and sparkling diamonds engraved at random places, underneath- to cover his abdomen- he had a form fitting tight black tank top. The tank top was tucked under and inside the waistband of his boot-cut faded black jeans topped off with a golden, sparkle bangled, heavy belt that slid off his hips on one side. His feet were covered with his classic buckle up combat boots, prepared to stomp on many faces if needed.
He paused at his fifth rotation of the house at the door. He should go out. He should leave, party, get wasted, and kiss other people. It's not like Alec had his heart set on Magnus, it was just a fling right? Agreeing silently with his words he hastily grasps the doorknob and yanks the door open, but stops dead in his tracks. Before him stood, the always black clad, Alexander Lightwood. His hand was raised as if he were about to knock, and a soon as he caught Magnus's stare he blushed lightly. Now was Magnus's chance, he just had to tell Alec that they couldn't do this. This wasn't a relationship, it was a one-way thing that Magnus couldn't handle. Alec was dragging him along until he could fully accept himself, if Alec couldn't even admit it to himself how could Magnus ever believe that Alec could admit it to anyone else?! He couldn't, the sad broken truth was just that, Alec couldn't ever love him. His trying wasn't getting Magnus far from devastation. "I-I'm sorry! I-I didn't know you were going somewhere."
Alec blushed fiercely, turning his gaze downward, it caused Magnus's heart to break. "W-Well. You would. If you called." But Magnus doubted he'd have told Alec he was going out, it was an impromptu thing for himself as well. "Y-Yeah..." Alec agreed sheepishly, his eyes looking anywhere but at Magnus. The sight was pathetic, obviously Alec wanted to see Magnus. 'and he HAS. He's looking isn't he?!' But Magnus couldn't conjure up enough hostility to want to tell Alec off.
Magnus sighed sympathetically, pushing open the door wider. "Get in here Lightwood." Alec gazed curiously to Magnus, his fingers nervously tugging at the hem of his shirt. "N-No, you have plans. I-I don't want to impose o-or-" Magnus chuckled lightly to himself, gripping the front of Alec's shirt and tugging him close. "Don't make me beg you Alexander."
Before Alec could reply Magnus crashed his lips down into the smaller boys, Alec's face darkening considerably. Magnus unclenched his fingers from Alec's shirt, slithering the arm under Alec's and up to tangle his fingers through his hair. Alec slowly melted into the kiss, his arms reaching up to tangle through Magnus's own hair. Magnus used his other hand, still clutching the front door, to close said door. Wrapping his arm around Alec's waist he splays his fingers along the small of Alec's back, drawing him deeper into the apartment. Magnus couldn't describe what it was like to kiss Alec, he tried desperately to focus on the kiss itself rather than the euphoric bliss that entailed, but that was like littering a place with diesel fuel and telling a fire to only stay on 50% of that fuel, it was impossible; and the second Alec's lips touched Magnus' the flames erupted. Sharp tendrils of that fire raced through Magnus's body and left him hungry for more each time it passed, it would leave him wanting all of Alec, or he would burn up too quickly and tire out. Either way the flames would consume him and he wouldn't try to fight them either.
At some point they ended up in the bedroom, Alec gaining a more dominant edge to him as Magnus slammed the door open so they could tumble through it. Alec pulled back, shoving Magnus down onto the bed with a wicked grin. Magnus felt his heart flop and stomach tighten as all his breath vanished. Magnus climbed further back on the bed as Alec tore his own jacket off, crawling into the bed back to Magnus. They drew close enough to feel each other's breath and body heat, but Alec wouldn't close the distance yet. Magnus could see Alec's muscles tense through his tight black cut off shirt, his eyes lidded as he fought to regain focus. During the moment Alec realized he didn't care that he wasn't focused. Using one hand, he presses it to the back of Magnus's head, pressing him closer as he crashed his lips down into the Warlocks. Alec crawled between Magnus's legs, other hand leaned on the bed to stable himself. Meanwhile Magnus's hands brazenly trailed along Alec's arms down his chest then back up again, memorizing the contours of his muscles through the shirt and the rapid stuttering beat of his heart within his chest. Alec growled deeply and bit down harshly at Magnus's bottom lip, demanding entrance. Magnus felt his mind blank at Alec's sudden burst of confidence, it was unlike Alec's usual behavior, shy and unpracticed, this was demanding and absolutely certain of what he wanted. It piqued Magnus's curiosity. Pulling back, Magnus lifts a hand to cup Alec's face, thumb gently trailing out to trace the outline of Alec's already abused lips. " Alec." He spoke, more huskily than he'd intended. "What's wrong?" He asked, softer now.
Alec's eyes widened and suddenly his burst of lust faded from his eyes. Instead, he leaned down to place a gentle kiss against Magnus' lips, his fingers untangling from his hair to gently cup his face. Magnus drew him down closer until he was lying back against the bed. Again the kiss broke, and Alec rolled off of Magnus, staring up at the ceiling almost distraught. "I don't know. I've been sad, and I can't tell why." Magnus nodded, drawing Alec over to face him. For Magnus, being this close to Alec was everything, though for Alec it was just distraction. Again, Magnus felt his chest tighten, but he fought through it to tangle his own fingers through Alec's soft hair, eyes gazing into Alec's with a display of plaintive calmness. Magnus could feel this relationship being as tangible as the bed they were lying on at the moment, but for Alec, it was languid. Slow and deliberate, something that could capture his mind and take it off of Jace. Magnus ignored the burning sense of anger at the thought but brushed it aside. Right now Magnus had Alec in his arms, it didn't matter. "Don't think about it, it'll all clear up in the future."
Magnus placed two gentle kisses against Alec's eyelids, pulling him closer. Alec buried his face into Magnus's neck, breathing him in and relaxing until he was basically boneless. Magnus knew he should really tell Alec to leave, that Magnus didn't want to be involved in these issues, and that Alec should just ask Jace for answers; but instead Magnus buried his nose into Alec's hair, falling into a peaceful slumber. He'd just tell him in the morning.
~~~~
Magnus stared blankly at the wall, glaring at the many chips and dents from a lifetime of partying. Just the thought of parties reminded Magnus of his first run-in with Alexander. He could recall how obviously out of place the Shadowhunter felt, his azure eyes wide and cautious, untrusting of everyone and anyone who approached him. It was endearing, and just another reason for Magnus to feel furious with himself. He was supposed to break it off with Alec, and instead he'd fallen harder. Magnus closed his eyes, trying desperately to think of a reason- any reason- to stop seeing Alec. Sure, it was irritating to fall for someone still hung up over another man, but Magnus couldn't imagine walking away now. Although, he'd tried, it always ended with him apologizing. Even in his dreams he couldn't seem to pull off leaving the bright eyed boy. Magnus released a heavy breath as he pushed himself out of his seat and out the door.
Magnus couldn't ponder his thoughts from a sitting position, it left too much thinking time. Instead he'd have to walk to try and take his mind off of it. Leaving the house, he strolls along the crowded streets of Brooklyn, breaking off at a nature spot. There weren't as many people congregated here, so Magnus felt it perfect to walk through. Shoving his hands into the pockets of his grey coat, he grumbles. Why was he still so focused on Alec? Why was Alec so important, and why couldn't Alec just love Magnus?! Magnus knew that that thought was why he was so upset. Alec didn't love Magnus, and Magnus didn't know how to break up with Alec, it wasn't possible. It infuriated him. Every time he got worked up enough to do it Alec would show up with his sweet and endearing self and Magnus would crumble.
As if the universe were conspiring against the Warlock, Alec showed up. More like, Alec crashed into Magnus, knocking him down instantly. "Alec?"
"Not now!" Alec looked furious, and as if he didn't actually know that he'd fallen on top of Magnus.
Alec sat up, straddling Magnus' hips as he swiftly pulled out his bow, his hips grinding deeper into Magnus from the movement- but Magnus stifled a groan, Alec said 'not now'-locking an arrow into place he shoots it out at a running demon with perfect aim and precision. The demon crashed into the ground harshly before melting back to its home place; but Magnus couldn't care less. Here above him was a sweat soaked panting azure eyed Shadowhunter boy, straddling his hips like a champ. It was more than Magnus could take. Magnus reached up to grip Alec's hips tightly, a smirk tugging up his lips. "Oh, but I think now is the most perfect time Alexander." Alec glanced down and blushed darkly at the realization of the position he had thrust himself in. "M-M-Magnus! I-I-I-"
Magnus wasn't in the mood to have his heart tugged on by Alec's shy nature; gripping the back of his head he pulls him down to steal a deep, yearning kiss. Alec made a noise of disapproval before the bow slid from his grasp, clattering down to the floor, his hands planting at either side of Magnus's head as he sank deeper into the kiss. Magnus pulled back hastily only to trail his tongue along the side of Alec's neck, earning a surprised gasp from him followed by a moan. Magnus bit down hard against the sensitive skin, Alec shivering and groaning above him. Sliding his hands up from his hips, he pushes Alec's shirt up to trace his fingers delicately against his spine. Again Alec whimpered as he angled himself to get closer to Magnus, the heat building up between them rapidly as Alec began breathing heavier than before; Magnus tracing his teeth over his collarbone only to suck and kiss at where his pulse berated from within. "M-Mag-" He interrupted himself with a moan, his fingers curling into a tight fist. But all good things ended, and this one unfortunately did so too quickly in Magnus's eyes. Alec regained realization and quickly shoved Magnus down into the pavement, rolling off of him to catch his breath. "Magnus! We're in public!"
That one line reminded Magnus of the fact that Alec hadn't come out publicly yet, and Magnus was just that distraction still. Magnus had every nerve to tell him who cares, or to leave and never return. But Magnus couldn't bring himself to it, he gazed upon Alec longingly, a loving sense welling up in his chest, suffocating the breath from his lungs. Standing up, he offers a hand down to Alec. "Then let's get out of public." Alec blushed crimson as he took Magnus's hand and allowed the Warlock to lead him back to his loft. Magnus was certain that one day he'd possibly be able to break it off with Alec, sever this attraction, but for now Magnus still didn't know how to say no. At least not to Alec, but the longer he tried to convince himself he wanted to say no, the more he began to believe in that less.
