Jay's POV
The case was easy. Just a bunch of pipe bombs placed in random areas around the Riverwalk. Him and Mouse got to all of them in time. They had disarmed them with practiced ease. They were nothing compared to the IED's over in Afghanistan. But that didn't matter any more. They were disarmed, nobody got hurt, it was a win-win.
Now he sat in his truck, staring at the clock. It was 2:45. He had to pick up his kids from their camp in fifteen minutes. Then Lincoln at daycare. Then his daughter waiting in his apartment. His fucking daughter! His 16-year old that wasn't a thing to him before today. He wanted to hate her. To yell at her and take out all of his frustration at her. He wanted to scream that he should've died overseas. Not Sophie. She didn't deserve to die. But he knew that nothing that had happened to him was her fault. It was Erin's. Not all of it, of course. But she left him, with nothing but bitter memories that can't fix anything. Oh, and of course the fact that she neglected to tell him that they had a daughter together. But no big deal. He couldn't bring himself to hate this girl, though. So he put the car in drive and made his way to the school and daycare center.
Once his four children were buckled in and ready to go, he drove towards his apartment where he knew held hundreds of questions he wasn't ready to answer. He couldn't prolong the inevitable forever, though, so he parked and carried his two youngest up the stairs with his 7-year old twins chasing him and running around him. He finally put the key in the lock, and the door opened to reveal nobody inside. He sighed. He knew it was a possibility. But she came here looking for him. And she knew where to find him.
When Mouse finally arrived, with Hank in tow, he led them to Lily and Grayson, who were busy entertaining Dean, and left them that way, going back to the kitchen, ready to pass out on the couch with a bottle of Bud Light. He just wanted to forget everything that happened in the last year. The seemingly never-ending tour, Sophie's dead body cradled in his arms, and his twins' heart-wrenching cries as they learned of their mother's death. Dean and Lincoln were still too young. They wouldn't understand yet. And just as he was about to flop onto the couch, he noticed the TV was already on, and he glanced at the couch to find the girl passed out on his couch.
He gently shook her awake, and when her eyes opened and she slowly sat up, he apologized for everything that had happened today. She said it was okay, and asked if they could talk for a bit. He agreed, and invited her over for dinner. She said sure. He plopped down next to her and told her to ask. The questions came pouring out of her mouth like a fountain.
"Who's that woman in the photo? Do you have children? Why were you wearing fatigues in one of the pictures? Are you military? What happened after Erin left? Is that why you joined the military?" She stopped after she saw the look of amusement on his face.
"What?" She asked shyly.
"You're exactly like her," he answered with a slight sadness to his tone.
"She told me what happened. Between you two," she explained.
"Yeah? What did she say?" He asked in slight defeat.
"She told me about your wife, the case, her leaving without a goodbye, basically everything," she told him.
"Yeah. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I swear I would have been, I just. I don't even know your name. I don't understand why Erin wouldn't at least tell me," he said with an agonizing look on his face.
"You have nothing to be sorry about. Oh, and I'm Juliana, by the way. But I don't blame you, it's not your fault. If anything, I should be the one who's sorry. I came to your work place out of nowhere and blurted out that I'm your daughter. That's not necessarily fair to you," Juliana said, laughing a little.
"Eh, that's fine. I don't blame you, either, you know. At first, though, I'll be honest, I wanted to hate you. Blame you for the problems in my life. But I can't. None of it's your fault," he said solemnly right as there was a knock at the door.
Jay went to go answer it and as he opened it, he froze. There she was. Erin Lindsay. Beautiful as ever. Standing at his door. But suddenly he felt rage build up in his chest and before he knew it, he was yelling.
"What the hell, Erin! Who the hell do you think you are?! Showing up at my doorstep after sixteen years like nothing happened? Go the hell away!" He shouted, hearing the footsteps of Hank and Mouse approaching. He looked back and saw them telling Juliana to stay on the couch.
"Can I at least come in, Jay? Please?" She asked. "I know she's here. I tracked her phone. I just want to know if she's okay."
"No, you want to know if I would hurt her. I'm stable, Erin. Have been for a while. How could you? You hid the fact that we have a daughter from me for 16 years and now you show up thinking I would lash out? Well, good thing, Erin, it took me a while, but I'm good. So why don't you go back to whatever job you're working in New York and leave me the hell alone," Jay said.
Before he could protest, however, she pushed past him and walked into his apartment.
"Erin! What the hell! Get out! Now!" Jay yelled at her, making Juliana flinch from her seat on the couch.
"No, Jay! I'm not going to leave. Okay, yeah! I was worried about you lashing out! But you can't blame me for being worried! None of this is my fault!" Erin yelled back, surprising Juliana even more.
"None of this is your fault?! Seriously?! There you go again, blaming everyone else! You kept our daughter, my daughter a secret for sixteen fucking years! You had no right! But go ahead, blame me. Blame Hank. Hell, blame Mouse! But you need to grow up. Take responsibility for your actions," Jay yelled.
He was completely out of breath. Then, suddenly, he felt lips on his. Erin's lips. He would recognize them anywhere. He tried to pull away, but he couldn't. He thought of Sophie, thought of disrespecting her, but he still couldn't pull away. So he kissed back. And it lasted. For more than a minute. When he finally got the courage to pull away, he stared at her and took her in. She was still perfect. She would always be perfect.
"Jay," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."
"It's okay, Erin. I know you are. But why didn't you tell me? I had every right to be a part of my daughter's life," he whispered back, their faces just inches apart.
"I wanted to, Jay. I wanted to so badly. But I couldn't. I was scared," she admitted.
"It's okay," he whispered again, before pulling her into a hug and he held her as she sobbed against him. He led her to the couch, still crying, and sat down and let her cry for a few minutes before he pulled her off and told her to explain. So she did. She got to New York and didn't have the courage to call him back. She thought if she heard his voice that she would come running straight back. And she wanted to be strong. She said that she figured that Jay would move on, and he would finally be able to be happy without all her issues. She apologized, over and over. He forgave her. Then she started asking questions about him. So did Juliana. He decided he could at least tell them how he's been.
"Okay. Sure, what do you want to know," Jay asked.
They both spoke up at once, "Are you married?" Erin and Juliana both blurted out at the exact same time, and Jay's face fell slightly, even though he chuckled softly at that.
"I was. I met her in Afghanistan. Korangal Valley. She was being held hostage by a group of insurgents. My team was sent in to rescue her. It was the reason I got the letter," he said, glancing over at Hank and Mouse as he said that.
"Okay, but what happened? I mean, clearly you fell for her," Erin asked.
"Me and Mouse were the first ones into the house. I ordered the rest of the team to stay back and wait for my order. We found her in the back room, tied to a chair. I quickly started to untie her, but before I could, four men came out of nowhere and knocked us both out. When I woke up, the men were gone and Sophie was almost out of her bonds. Sophie, my wife. She escaped and got us out of there. Basically, we were sent to rescue her and she ended up saving us. She never let me forget that," he said, laughing sadly.
"So what happened? You split up? You said you were married," Juliana asked, confused.
"No, we didn't split up. We went back for our fifth tour together, and it was going fine. With one month left in our tour, our whole camp was ambushed. We all got into the Humvees, tried to get away. The first two hit IED's so we had to abandon ours and take cover. Soon the only people left were Sophie and I, Mouse, and another guy, Terry. As they got closer, Sophie told me to get out of there, and she ran out into enemy lines. I ran after her, and by the time I got to her, she took 7 bullets. I dragged her back to cover, and tried to stop the bleeding, but it was too much. After she was gone, I picked her up and just ran through the enemy fire to get her back to base. I took a few bullets in the process and lost a lot of blood, but I wasn't going to leave her there. In that hellhole. She deserved better. So I got her back, and then I passed out from blood loss. Soon I went home, and I haven't gone back out there since. They want me for a recovery, but I don't know if I'm ready yet," he explained. When he talked about Sophie, he started sobbing and Erin put her arms around him and let him cry a bit before he continued. When he finished, Erin embraced him and held him as he cried. He hadn't talked about Sophie in months. Not to anybody. Not even his children.
"I'm sorry," he apologized, wiping his eyes.
"No, it's okay, Jay, you shouldn't of had to go through that alone. I just want you to know that I will be here for you. I know I wasn't before, but I am now," Erin said as she calmed him down.
Jay wiped the rest of his tears away and said, "Do you have any more questions? I'm pretty sure I won't be able to answer any more later, so I might as well get them over with now."
"Yeah, actually, if you're up for them. Why are Hank and Mouse here? I mean, I just found it kind of weird," Erin asked, and before Jay could answer, Juliana spoke up.
"Does it have to do with the pictures I saw? Of those kids?" She asked.
"Yes. Those are my kids. Hank and Mouse were going to watch them for me tonight. I've been having trouble ever since the case we had today, and they offered," he explained.
"How many?" Erin asked, a little jealous.
"Four," Jay answered, smiling a little at the thought of them.
Erin smiled back as she asked how old they were.
"Lily and Grayson are seven, Dean is four, and Lincoln is two," Jay answered.
"I bet they're adorable," Erin said just as Lily came running into the room.
"Daddy! Grayson's annoying me!" Lily yelled as she jumped onto her father's lap.
"Well, you are both supposed to be in bed, you two little troublemakers," he said as he started tickling her, and she giggled uncontrollably as she writhed around trying to escape his fingers.
Erin's heart melted as she watched Jay with his daughter. That could have been Juliana in his lap. She saw how good he was with her and realized that he was doing this all on his own. These were Sophie's children. He was dealt the worst hand in life anybody could get, and he is pushing through with everything he has for these children. Suddenly she found herself offering to help put them back to bed.
"Sure," Jay smiled as he introduced Lily to Erin.
"Hi, Erin! Can you come see my room?" Lily asked, begging her.
"Yes, I can! I bet it's beautiful!" Erin replied with a smile, as Jay led them to Lily's bedroom.
"Wow, this is an awesome room!" Erin exclaimed as they reached it.
"Thank you! Can you tuck me in!" Lily said in excitement as Jay laughed from the doorway.
"I definitely can!" Erin said, glancing back at Jay, who gave her a nod and a thumbs up, which she smiled back at, and he mentioned he was going to go calm Grayson down.
When they were all back in the living room, Erin smiled at Jay and told him how cute Lily was. He agreed.
"Do you have any more questions?" Jay asked as he sat back down next to Juliana, who had been talking to Hank about Erin and Jay.
"You went back. Why?" Erin stated bluntly.
"About a year after you left, I was in such a bad place, Erin. I drank till I passed out every night, I even started drugs. I couldn't move on. You broke my heart. Then I got that letter. The one asking me to come back for active duty. I had no choice. Then I met Sophie on that tour, and we went back for another together. I was the head of our new team. It consisted of me, Sophie, Mouse, and four other guys. I was mainly the sniper and medic, so I sent my guys in with me watching overhead. One our third tour back, as I was watching over them, one of the guys we were after came up behind me and knocked me out. They held me captive for about a month before my team found me again and I was hurt pretty badly so they let me go home early. I didn't go back right away after that. I stayed home with the kids for about a year while Soph went back for another tour, working in Intelligence. Hank kept my job every time I came back. Soon it was all I had. The war gave me something, woke me up and helped me move on. So I kept going back, until…" he stopped short, not wanting to talk about her death again.
"I'm sorry, Jay. Really, I am," Erin apologized again.
"It's okay, Erin. I tried to blame you, to hate you, but I never could. I've always loved you. Don't get me wrong, I loved Sophie with everything I had, but you were always the love of my life, Erin, that never changed," Jay said back.
Erin smiled at that. Juliana just watched them from the other side of the couch and smiled as well. She never got to meet her father. Now here he was. She always assumed that her mother and her father hated each other's guts. They proved her right when Erin showed up at Jay's door, and they fought, sure, but then when her mom kissed Jay, she nearly had a heart attack as her eyes almost flew out of their sockets. The kiss didn't last too long, but when they pulled away, I saw Jay's face. It was lined with guilt and regret, but he didn't seem to care. They shared a few words that she could barely make out, then they sat down with Erin sobbing into Jay, who just held her expertly and she realized that he had probably done that a million times before when they were still together back then. Maybe after a rough case, or an undercover. Maybe it was Erin's mom, who Erin refused to talk about even more than Jay. But they looked happy. Then he explained. And she suddenly felt horrible. Jay didn't deserve any of it. Then the question that quietly cam out of her mom chilled her to the bone, and a quick glance at the two men still standing against the wall, showed that they felt the same. Then she looked at Jay. His face was frozen. She didn't know what to say or do, so she just shrunk into the cushions and watched as he finished his beer in one gulp before he answered. But the question still echoed in her head as she thought about what her mom just said.
"Jay, I have one more question to ask, if that's alright with you," her mom started slowly.
"Sure, I guess, shoot," Jay answered with slight hesitation.
"When I was in New York, a few months after, after I left, a man showed up, saying he was your father. He was clearly drunk, and said you were going to pay for putting him away. That you deserved to suffer and die slowly. I told him to leave, that we were no longer together. And he did. I almost forgot it, but I couldn't get him out of my mind. What was he talking about?" Erin had asked. Jay went white when she said it was his father.
"My father? He showed up at your apartment?" Jay repeated, as if in shock.
"Yeah, but Jay, what did he mean?" Erin repeated, wanting answers.
"I put him in prison when I was 20. I had just finished my first tour. He came after me. I never told anyone this. Not even Will. I mean, Mouse knows, but, anyway. My dad beat me. He also raped me. When I was a kid. I was scared, especially after Will left. My mom was dying, and no one was there to stop him. It got worse and worse, so I enlisted. And when I got back, they put me on the stand. He had apparently raped three young boys and then beat them to death. I put him away. I never thought he would get out," he said, stuttering over his words.
"Oh my god," Erin gasped. She went and hugged him again.
Suddenly he got up and apologized. He said he needed to get some sleep for work tomorrow. Mouse headed for the couch and told Juliana she could take the guest bedroom, he would take the couch. Hank slept in the chair and Erin led Jay to his room.
Erin rubbed Jay's back as he started to let his emotions get the best of him again. He climbed into bed and asked her to stay with him. She did. They fell asleep with Jay's arms wrapped around Erin like they used to. And it felt good. Really good.
